Robert Jeffress - The Most Unpopular Verse in the Bible
Hi, I'm Robert Jeffress, and welcome again to "Pathway to Victory". In today's culture, few Bible verses spark more controversy than Ephesians 5:22 which instructs wives to submit to their husbands. Many see this statement as outdated and oppressive, while others twist the words to justify domineering behavior. But what does this verse really mean? Today, we'll examine God's design for marriage as we gain a biblical understanding of submission. My message is titled, "The Most Unpopular Verse in the Bible," on today's edition of "Pathway To Victory".
I'll never forget one of the first weddings I ever did. We'd gotten to the part of the vows. And I said, "Now, do you, Sarah, take the man who holds you by the right hand to be your lawful and wedded husband? Do you promise to submit to him and love him all the days of your life until death shall part you"? She said, "I do". And then it was Bill's turn. I said, "Bill, do you take the woman whom you hold by the right hand to be your lawful and wedded wife? Do you promise to love and to cherish her until death alone shall part you"? He said, "I do".
They kissed, I pronounced them husband and wife, and off we went to the reception. I was downing a piece of coconut cake, when this little old lady shuffled up to me. She was smiling, but when she got to me, her smile turned to a frown. She said, "Pastor, I just want you to know that if you had asked me the same question you asked my granddaughter about obeying her husband, I would have said H-E-double L, No"! And she didn't spell out the word either. You know, her reaction is not unusual.
I'm surprised at the number of Christians who absolutely will jettison their belief in the inspiration of the scripture when it comes to the passage we're going to look at today about wives being submissive to their husbands. Suddenly, the apostle Paul changes status from God's chosen apostle to male chauvinist pig. A lot of people think that's why he wrote these words. Well, today we're going to look at what the Bible really says about this whole area of submission and what it doesn't say. And actually, people have twisted and perverted this verse into something God never intended.
Pastor Kent Hughes writes: "The fact that evil disordered men have perverted God's Word is no reason to throw it out". Today my goal is to rescue the truth about submission from the radical feminist who would deny it, but also from the rabid fundamentalist who would pervert it into what God never intended.
If you have your Bibles turn to Ephesians chapter 5, as we look at what I've called the most unpopular verse in the Bible. Ephesians chapter 5. Now we have to set this verse in context. Remember, Paul is in this section talking about our walk with God. He's talked about our wealth from God in Ephesians 1 to 3, all the spiritual gifts that we have and benefits. Now, he's talking about how we're to use our high calling, how it affects our everyday walk. And he's talked about in relationship to other Christians in the church, we're to walk in unity. And then we've looked at the section where he says, when it comes to our personal conduct, we're to walk in purity. And now he's going to talk about how our walk with God ought to impact our family life. And he says when it comes to the family, we need to walk in humility.
And that brings us to verse 21, the beginning of this section. Remember there were no chapter divisions in the original text. This is a new section and there is a general command that he begins with: "Be subject to one another in the fear of Christ". Now, that is the overall theme of this whole section on the home. The controlling command is be subject to one another's, or submit yourself to one another, in the fear of Christ. The Bible teaches mutual submission. It's not just wives who submit; husbands submit, parents submit, employers. It was slave and masters in those days, slaves and masters who lived in the house. But everybody is to submit to one another.
That word "submit," "hupotasso" hupo means under, tasso means rank. It's a military term, to range yourself under the rank in which you fall, whether it's you submit yourself to a general, a colonel, a lieutenant. Everybody submits to the one God has placed over them, but we all submit one to another. "Be subject to one another in the fear of Christ". Now, Paul is gonna take that general command and apply it to wives, to husbands, to children, to parents, to employees, and their employers. By the way, this word "submit" is in the middle voice indicating that it denotes cooperation. We're not forced to do this. We do this voluntarily. And the picture of that is Jesus Christ. No one forced him to come to earth and die for our sins. He willingly submitted to the Father's authority.
In fact, in John 10:18, he said, "No one has taken my life away from Me, but I lay it down on My own initiative". And then remember what he said in Mark 10, beginning with verse 42. He said, "Whoever wishes to be great among you shall be your," what? "Your servant; and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be slave of all". That's what Jesus did. The Bible says, and Jesus said himself, "I did not come to be served, but to serve and give My life as a ransom for many". That is submission. But the way a wife submits to her husband is following the leadership of the husband. So that's what we're talking about today. He begins with wives.
Look again at verse 22: "Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord". Now, people wonder why does he start with the women? Why start addressing women? Is he just gonna pick on them first? Is that just the default position for the apostle Paul? Well, no, the reason he starts with women maybe because there were more women in the Ephesian church than men. There were more women converts to Christianity than men. But I think there's a deeper reason. I think Paul is actually showing respect to women by addressing them. You know, I'm sure you've heard this canard a thousand times: that the Bible denigrates women.
The Bible subjugates women. It turns them into second-class citizens in the kingdom of God. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, if you know anything about the culture in which this book was written, the Bible actually elevated the status of women. You see, in ancient Rome, women were nothing but chattel property to be bought and sold. Marriage was nothing more than legalized prostitution where the wife was to remain faithful while the husband went and came as he wanted to. That was the Roman culture. The Greek culture wasn't any better.
You know, in our universities today, people think they're so learned. They quote from the philosopher Aristotle, the Greek philosopher Aristotle. You know what Aristotle had to say about women? I'm quoting: "The female is a female by virtue of a certain lack of qualities. We should regard a woman's nature as suffering from natural defectiveness". Boy, Aristotle would be canceled in most colleges today if people pulled up that quote. But that's how the Greek culture felt. The Jewish culture denigrated women. William Barclay, the New Testament commentator, points out that there were several different prayers that Jewish men prayed. But one they prayed every day was, "Thank God that he did not make me a slave, a Gentile, or a woman".
That was the Jews and how they viewed women. But the Bible, it lifted women into equal rank and status with men. Again, quoting William Barclay: "It's impossible to exaggerate the cleansing effect that Christianity had on home life in the ancient world and the benefits it brought to women". I mean, just think how revolutionary the Bible is when it comes to women. John chapter 4, Jesus spoke not to the man at the well, but the woman at the well. That was unheard of, that a Rabbi, respected like Jesus, would talk to a woman, much less talk theology with her. But he did, about the water of eternal life. Or 1 Peter 3:7 in which Peter said, "Husbands, treat your wives as fellow heirs of the grace of God".
Peter says women are equal to men as being recipients of the grace of God. Or Galatians 3:28: "In Christ, there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free man, male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus". Yes, women are equal to God in status as men. But remember, equality doesn't mean sameness. Just because men and women are equal, doesn't mean they're the same. I mean, basic anatomy teaches you that, right? There's a difference between men and women. And what Paul is saying is as you submit to one another, wives, your responsibility is to place yourself under the leadership of your husband.
Now, it's significant, Paul does not use the word "obey". Did you know there's no verse in the Bible that says, "Women, wives are to obey their husbands"? Now, as we'll see in a few weeks, the Bible says, "Children are to obey their parents," Paul said, but women are not children and women are not domestic slaves. They are fellow heirs to the grace of God. So Paul is saying for women: it's not obey your husbands. It is to submit yourself, you're equal to your husband. You may be superior to your husband in intellect and other areas and so forth, but the wife demonstrates her submission by following the leadership of her husband.
That means the husband is not to go around as a little dictator, a little Hitler barking out orders, "Do this, do this, do this. The Bible says you have to obey me". No, the Bible doesn't say you have to obey. That's not the role of women. We've looked at the meaning of submission: to place under rank. Now let's look at the reason for submission. Why does Paul say women are to submit to their husbands? Look at verse 23: "For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is also the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body".
Now you may wonder how did this whole idea of headship come into being, leadership? And people answer, "Well, that's a result of Adam and Eve's sin. This hierarchy of leadership is a result of the Fall". No, that's not what the Bible teaches. If you go back to Genesis chapter 2, you find the description of God's creation in 6 days, the animals, the trees, the birds, and God said, "It is good". And then he created man. That was the climax. "It is very good," but immediately said, "Not good. It is not good that man is alone. I will make a helper suitable for him," Genesis 2:18. The woman is described as being man's helper, one to help him achieve his God-given purpose in life.
Now, I know that sounds like it's a derogatory view of women, that women are nothing more than the helper to their husbands. But that Hebrew word translated "helper" is used 21 times in the Hebrew Old Testament; 15 of those 21 times, it refers to God himself. God is man's helper, the Lord is my helper. That's the word that is used here. Man is deficient by himself. He's weak by himself. He needs a helper. He needs God. But God's provision to help him is the woman. The woman is the God figure in her husband's life. She is the one who makes up for the weak parts, the deficiencies. You do know men have deficiencies, right, women? I'm sure you've discovered that. You are the one who shores up those deficiencies.
It's not a low view of women. It's a high view of women that equates women to God. No, it wasn't the result of the Fall that distorted the relationships into this headship and followship, not at all. But the Fall did have an impact on the relationship with husbands and wives. Let me show you what that result is in Genesis 3:16. After Adam and Eve had the forbidden fruit and God condemned them, he pronounced judgments on them and notice what he said in Genesis 3:16: To the woman He said, "As a result of sin, I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth, In pain you will bring forth children". I bet all the moms assembled today would say "Amen" to that. You've experienced that.
But then he goes on to say: "Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you". Your desire will be for your husband. Now, is that talking about sexual desire? No, sexual desire is not the result of the Fall. Remember, before the Fall in the pre-fig leaf days, Adam and Eve were getting along pretty well, weren't they? They had sexual desire. That was before the Fall. No, this word "desire" doesn't mean sexual desire. It's an Arabic word, comes from an Arabic word which means to usurp. Your desire will be to usurp your husband's position, his leadership, in the family. That is a natural result of the Fall, and he, your husband, will rule over you.
"Well, Pastor, you just said that was God's plan for men to lead their families". This word "rule" doesn't mean lead. It means to dominate. The result of sin entering in the world is that women would be grasping for the husband's leadership role in the family and the husband, instead of sacrificially loving his wife, would try to dominate her, to try to make sure his needs were met and not hers. That's the result of the Fall. Unfortunately, that's our default position, husbands and wives, that's what we do naturally. But through Christ, you don't have to be subjected to that. Your marriage can be redeemed and it can be restored to the pattern God has where the woman follows the leadership of her husband and her husband loves her as Christ loves the church.
Now, we've talked about the meaning of submission, the reason for submission. Let's look finally at the boundaries of submission. This is not an unconditional command. Wives, submit yourself to your husbands. There are boundaries to that command. First of all, submission is voluntary. Ephesians 5:24 says: "But as the church is subject to Christ, so wives ought to be to their husbands in everything". When I say, "Submission is voluntary," I don't mean, ladies, you get to choose, if you're married, whether or not you're gonna submit and follow your husband. What I mean is you get to choose whether or not you want to be in that relationship where you submit to your husband.
You know, I often tell single ladies, I told my girls, nobody is holding a gun to your head telling you you have to get married. You do not have to get married. If the idea of submitting, following some man is repulsive to you, don't marry. You don't have to. You don't have to at all. But if you do marry somebody, make sure it's somebody whose leadership you're willing to follow. Where do I get that? Look, 1 Corinthians 11:3: "But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of the woman, and God is the head of Christ".
That's the key. God the Father and Jesus the Son are equal in authority. God the Father is not superior to the Son. They are equal in authority. But even though they were two equals, the Son willingly gave up his rights as God and submitted himself to the Father's authority and came to earth to die for our sins. That's a picture, Paul said, of marriage. In marriage, you have two equals, the man and the woman are completely equal. But the woman, like Jesus, voluntarily chooses, even though she may be smarter and more gifted than her husband, she voluntarily wishes and follows the leadership of her husband. That's what I mean by submission is voluntary.
And by the way, single guys, if you are thinking about getting married and your fiancée comes up and starts nibbling on your ear and whispering, "Honey bunny, I've been thinking about it and if it's all the same to you, I think I'll just keep my name and not use yours, or let's hyphenate and use both names". Anytime you hear the word "hyphenate," it's time to vacate. Most of the time. There may be a reason to do that, professional reasons, don't share the name. But if she's unwilling to take your name, that ought to be a clue something's wrong. It's going to be a rough marriage.
I remember Rabbi Harold Kushner told the story about in the synagogue, this young couple was going to get married and he was talking to the woman and he said, "I'm surprised to hear that you're going to take your fiancé's name. I thought you were a strong feminist". She said, "I am, but I decided if I'm gonna go by some guy's name, I'd rather it be the guy I choose than the guy my mother chose". The point is you have to be willing to follow the leadership of your husband if you're gonna have a successful marriage. Submission is voluntary, but it's also limited. Submission is limited in two ways. It's limited in sphere.
Listen, there is no verse in the Bible anywhere that says all women are to submit to all men. Ladies, don't let anybody pull that on you. There's no verse that says that. It says: "Wives are to submit to," whom? "To their own husbands," and not to every other man. There are only two spheres in which submission applies: in the family, and in the church. There is nothing in the Bible that prohibits a woman from being a CEO of a Fortune 500 company. There's nothing that prohibits a woman from being a military commander. There's nothing that prohibits a woman from being president of the United States. That is not against the Bible. Submission applies in the home and in the church.
People say, "What about 1 Timothy 2:12: 'I do not allow a woman to exercise authority over a man'"? Paul is talking about in the church, not in the world. It's limited in its fear and in scope. By that, I mean, although Paul says in verse 24 she's to submit in everything, we have to understand what he means by "everything". He means everything that does not violate God's Word. Because in Acts 5:29 there's a balancing verse that says we must obey God rather than man.
Wives, if your husbands ask you to do something that's illegal or immoral, you do not have to submit. You should not submit. You obey God rather than man. If he comes to you and says, "You know, I'm uncomfortable with you taking the children to church. I'd like you to spend Sundays with me".
I've actually heard some well-meaning Bible teachers completely distort what's being taught about submission and say, "You need to follow your husband if he doesn't want you to go to church". No, the Bible says, "Do not forsake the assembling together of yourselves". If your husband makes you the victim of physical abuse and tells you, you have to take it to be a submissive wife, no, God hates violence. He absolutely hates it, of any kind. No, that's right, that's worth applauding. We need to follow God and not man.
So "in everything" is limited. Paul says in submission, the first person to submit is the wife, but she's not the only one. Next time, we're going to look at what the apostle Paul says is the way a man submits in marriage to the needs of his wife. And again, wives, be sure to drag your husbands here next week. Because interestingly, Paul gives twice as much space to the man's responsibilities as to the women's responsibilities in marriage.