TD Jakes - Don't Break the Bank
I dated my girlfriend. I dated my wild, crazy, spontaneous, new stuff that I can't, we'd go places, just run, cool, chill, flirt, danced, my girl, my girl. You know what I'm saying? My girl, "Who you think you with"? My girl, "Where we goin' now"? And then, life pushes her to wife. Work, bills, kids, school meetings, homework, gotta get to Wal-Mart before nine. Gotta get up early, gotta get the cookies over, gotta have this, gotta do that, and gradually, where is she? Where'd she go? I ain't lookin' for you, uh-uh, I'm lookin' for her. I'm lookin' for her even if I even if I finding in...
I'm not blaming anybody, because on one hand, you could make a strong argument that, as a man, I need to grow up and evolve with you, that's a good argument to make. But, on the other hand, I could make the other argument is, I promised, I promised, I promised my girlfriend and I ended up with you, who are you? I said "I do" to her. Most men end up cheating with who you used to be. So, the more wife you throw at him, you're pushing him further away, 'cause you're throwing wife and she's throwing girlfriend. You're throwing I'm mad at you, and I have not healed over what happened five years ago, and she said, If I was your woman.
Now, be fair, be fair, which atmosphere would you run to? Church doesn't talk about stuff like this, we just wait till the whole house blows open, and then it's in the paper, and then it's a scandal, and then you know what we say? "We're interceding," I don't need intercession. I don't need intercession, I need my girlfriend back. Stop taking in tongues, take those rollers out your hair, and give me the woman I married. I want my... Here's what you gotta know, sister. Sister, hear me good, she's still in there, she's still in there. Here's what you gotta know, brother, she's still in there. Part of the reason she's not coming out is you don't treat her like you used to.
If you would stop making night deposits, watch this, and invest in her like you do in your church, it'd be some conversions going up in this here sanctuary. In order to make a deposit, an investment, you can make a deposit and the bank not be open, but if you're gonna make an investment, you have to do it during business hours, because in order to invest in you, Serita, you have to be open. Homework, brothers, let's move from deposits to investment. Homework for sisters, stay open. You know why you're not open anymore? I'll tell you why you're not open. You used to be open, you used to be open, you used to be open 24 hours, open. You used to be so open, you kept a handkerchief with my cologne in it. Yeah, you were open, you were open like that. You know why you stopped being open? I hurt you, and when I hurt you, you closed.
So, this raises the question, how do I get her to open when she has closed? I told you I was sorry 172 times, and you still closed. And though you have a justifiable reason to be closed, your closed is no response, and your no response is pushing me gradually further away. And I don't even remember from what great height I have fallen away from you. So, now when I go around people, "Yeah, that's my wife over there". There she is, dressed up too. She's sharp, she's clean, she's pretty, she's dressed up. I feed her, I feed her, her, it's her, her. No real name, there she is, here she come. Kids, watch this, I'm going for the kill, can you handle it? Can you handle it, I'm going for the kill? Your mama comin', your mama comin'. Your mom will be here in a minute. Your mama, your mama used to be my lover. She your mama.
So, what happens with most men, they see the woman and the kids as one universe, and they're over here on another planet. They see them as one package, but this is what it does to the kids. You don't see me, Daddy. You don't see me as an individual, it's your mama and them. And what happens is, whatever goes on in the house, especially little kids, they take the mama's side, till a man sees the kids and the woman as your mama and them. And them, her and them, her and them, her and them. Because she crazy about them kids. She crazy about them kids. She crazy about them grandbabies.
When they come in the house, she lights up, "Ooh, come on again, come on to mama". When I come in the house, she keeps reading. So, I married the church, but you married the kids, and you'll get to me when you get to me, 'cause the kids need you. So, we're still together, but we separate, because you in love with them kids, and I'm in love with this church. We gradually fall out of love with each other, and we don't even remember when it happened. You got your lover? I got mine.
I love having adult kids. I love my kids up here, and I love having adult kids. We have the best time. It's absolutely, I mean, I loved you when you were little, but I really love having adult kids, 'cause I know how to talk to you. But when you were seven and five, what do I say to you? She said, "I did good then too". You so sweet, give me some love, ha, ha, ha. I did my best, gave you all I had. As we talk about this, I thought it would be wrong for us to spend two-and-a-half days talking about building a ministry, a business, a company, a staff, a team, and not leave you inspired to build your own house.
This is what I want you, remain standing. You know how God anoints you to do what you do in the kingdom? God will anoint you to build your house, to love your wife, to honor your husband. Now, I know there's stuff wrong with him, and I know there's stuff wrong with you, but he is your ministry, and she is yours. And whatever's wrong with her, and whatever's wrong with him, God gave me to you, and you to me, so we could be healed in each other's arms. And if it's not flowing, it's because somebody closed.
The hardest thing to get a man to do is go home. I don't mean physically, I mean mentally and emotionally to come home. I don't worry about you being physically there. There is a place called there that is hard for a man to get to, where you are there with your heart, and your emotions, and your attention, and not just using home as a base to run your company. And it's hard, because we go to what responds, and the rest of it, we feed it, especially when it has not been modeled in front of you.
I couldn't figure out, for the life of me, why Jesus would heal people. I thought Jesus was healing people, and this is bad, but I did, for publicity. Because, I mean, he didn't heal all of 'em. He healed enough and created a buzz, but what really blew that theory out of my head is, sometimes he healed people and would say, "Shh, don't tell nobody. Shh, don't tell nobody". I'd think, "Don't tell nobody, that's why he healed 'em, so they could tell 'em". And then I thought, "Well, he's healing 'em to build up a following". He's gonna heal people because if you heal somebody, this is true, if you heal somebody where they are broken, they will be loyal. You want loyalty, heal me, I'll never forget you because you healed me.
But, many of the times when Jesus would heal people, instead of building up his congregation, the real sign of the healing was, "Go home". He went to the tomb of Gadarenes, cast devils out of a guy. The devils in that guy were so strong, and I know what it is to cast out devils, it leaves you weak. The virtue in you goes out. Spiritual warfare is tougher than working a job any day of the week. And he cast out the devils, and he rebuked the spirit, and he took a man who was gnashing on himself and cutting on himself and abusing himself because whenever demonic activity is present, it will always lead to self-destruction.
And Jesus cast the devils out of him after riding through a storm to get to him. Do you know what it cost me to get to you? Do you know the storms I had to go through to get to you? The devil tried to kill me. He tried to drown me in the sea trying to get to you. I rebuked my own storms and laid flat my own waves to get to you. It cost me everything to get to you, and then I healed you, cast the devils out of you, and in spite of all the expense it cost me, and all the things you've been through, when Legion, the man we call Legion got ready to follow Jesus, Jesus told him, "Go home".
If I don't explain this, and I say go home, you're gonna think I mean catch a flight, get on the bus, load up the car and go back to your house. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm trying to tell every woman in this room stop being angry, stop being bitter, it is what it is. Love him like you love your kids. You love them though you know stuff about them, and whatever they did wrong, you'll find a way to love 'em back again. That same merciful mama love you give them kids, can I have some too? I know I'm a screw up, and I know I messed up, and I know I hurt you, and I know I do crazy stuff, and I know I'm not there, and I know I disappoint you in all kinds of ways, but so did they and you cry when you see them coming. Could you love me like that too?
I want my girlfriend back. I wanna hear you laughing in the car and your hair blowing in the wind. I wanna feel the hot breath of your nose through on my back. I want somebody... all of them love the bishop, but I need somebody to love the men. Sister, if you got a husband, go home. Bring your girlfriend with you. Not your other friends you on the phone with, gossiping with, I'm not talking about them. That's what's wrong now, leave them single girls alone. I want you to bring the girl I dated back into my life, back into my heart, and back into my bed.
And brothers, stop faking the funk. If you're gonna be there, be there. Go home, go home. Single people, what I want you to get is, stop putting your life on hold, waiting on somebody to come. You cannot love your neighbor until you learn how to love yourself. I want you to love yourself, single woman, like you would love a baby, and put in store something for its future. I want you to love yourself well enough not to waste your money or waste your time or waste yourself.