TD Jakes - Real Men Pour In (06/28/2024)
Jesus models receiving profound love from the Father—"as the Father hath loved me"—to pour it into others, enabling us to love beyond human limits despite absent or empty earthly fathers. True fatherhood (and mentorship) involves emotional presence and pouring in, often at bloody personal cost; when human sources run dry, we must return to God to be refilled and pour into the thirsty around us.
God's Love Poured In
The one thing I can guarantee you that all of us will face, male or female, is a storm. Single or married, is a storm. Divorced or not, is a storm. There is nobody you are going to meet, or greet, or fall in love with, or fall out of love with, that will avoid the fact that storms are built into God's plan for getting you to the other side. You have to know that he equipped you with a fire extinguisher, and a life raft, and an emergency exit, and a door that moves, and an automated system, and a microphone. And so that even when you cannot see him, you can hear him. And if you will follow his voice, you will get to the other side.
Empty Vessels Cannot Pour
I came to this glass to get some water, but it had none. No matter how thirsty I am, it has no water. I cannot get any water poured into me because it had no water poured into it. It is hard to pour into people what was not poured into you. I got this big pitcher here. It looks good. It is nice. It is fancy. It is cute. It is fine. It is wonderful. And honestly, it is expensive... but it is empty.
Just because you dressed up does not mean you pour in, just because you got a Gucci bag does not mean you pour in, just because you got a fine watch does not mean you pour in. You can be fine as wine and have nothing to pour in and pretty soon we are gonna get tired of you being cute. You cute, but you empty, sir.
Real Men Pour In
Men pour... Both the glass and the pitcher are empty. And I cannot get my thirst quenched from an empty glass and the glass cannot give me water because the thing that was designed to pour into it was also empty. Let me tell you why you are dry. The thing that was designed to pour into you, it is empty. So Jesus says, move in real close on me, Jamel. Jesus says, "As the Father hath loved me... so have I loved you." I cannot pour into you until something is poured.
So what do I do when the person that should have been full is empty or left or died and my thirst has never been fulfilled because they were empty? Have you noticed in the text that when Jesus talks about fatherhood he does not mention Joseph? Joseph is his earthly father. He is in the beginning of the story of Jesus. He disappears early in the story. We do not see Joseph past Jesus turning 12. There are debates about what happened to him, but he is absent.
Absent Earthly Fathers
Jesus cannot draw from Joseph's pour. Joseph started out pouring because he was called the carpenter's son. Somewhere, the flow broke. I want to talk to some people in this room that somewhere, either by death, abandonment, drugs, whatever it was, the flow broke and left you thirsty. And I guarantee you, if it left you thirsty, man or woman, it also left you angry. Because I do not understand how I could have anything that looks so good and was so empty.
So, we look good to the community, we look good to everybody, but behind closed doors you are not pouring nothing into me. And gradually, I become angry with you because you are not being able to pour into me leaves me desperate and thirsty. And then, you hit me with commandments and tell me what not to drink, but you dry. How can you be dry and then tell me where not to drink?
Love Before Commandments
Jesus does not talk to us about commandments before he talks to us about love. He says, "As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you." Then he talks about, "Keep my commandments." You cannot keep commandments if you cannot drink. Real men pour in. My wife, it took me about ten years, maybe longer, to even understand her. I get it, bro. They are weird. They are different. They strange. They are not like us. She told me, I would be on the road, "Oh baby, I miss you. I cannot wait for you to come home."
I thought... never mind. All right. I am sorry, I had a loose moment. I did not get to take my medication, because I was in a hurry this morning and I had to get out of the house. But I flew home with visions. I was gonna come in the door, she was gonna rip off, you know, anyway. I came in the door, she kissed me, say, "I am so glad you home," and went back to watching "Lifetime" murders. I went in my man cave. I thought about killing her. I thought that, no, that would not be the right thing to do. That would not be the right thing to do. That would not be the right thing to do. It made me so mad that all she wanted me to do was be home.
Presence Over Presents
It took me 15 years to figure out that she did not want my present, she wanted my presence. Do not get me wrong, she did want my present sometimes. That is how we got the kids, but she did not want my present as much as I wanted, you know, anyway. Back to real men pour in. Where are my fellows at? Make some noise. Fellas, maybe because we started out as bucks we think our real value is what we pull in anatomically and we have not learned the value of what we give with our presence.
Just to be there, just to know you are in the house, just to hear your crazy snore, just to know that if a noise breaks out at night, you are there, just for your kids to see what it is like to live with a man. Stops your daughter from having to go find one to figure one out. Talk to me, girls. May stop your son from looking for male attention from another man.
Fatherhood Is Bloody
We had a Father's Day here several years ago and we always honored the mothers on Mother's Day, we pin roses on the mothers. We decided to pin corsages on the fathers. And we gave all the people corsages to put on their fathers, but there were not many fathers. So, this one little boy got up and walked down the aisle and came and pinned the corsage on me because he said I was his father. Now, he did not know how to pin the corsage, so he stuck it into my chest, and I was too gracious to flinch. So, I bled in silence.
And then this grown man about 38, 40 years old came down and pinned another corsage on me and said, "You are my father, too," until my whole row was covered with flowers. And what they did not know is under the flowers, I was bleeding. When I went upstairs and I pulled all the roses off, all of my clothes had blood stains in them because being a father is bloody. It looks rosy on the outside, but it is bloody on the inside.
Pouring Despite Pain
And there are all kinds of books about women and their pain and women and their emotions and women and their careers and women today in the "Essence" magazine and all kinds of stuff. And when it comes to men's magazines, all they try to do is show you how to be more sexy, because all they think we are is firm. So, we have no context. Can I teach this morning? I am not gonna shout to you this morning. Can I teach this morning? We have no context when we see the blood.
You must understand, when the Bible says, "Husbands, love your wives as Christ has loved the church," the women are so busy fussing about submission that they did not read the rest of the verse. "Husbands, love your wife as Christ hath loved the church." Whoa, wait a minute, "And gave himself," men, pour in. He died. You talk about submission? You are not gonna submit to nobody? I got the worst end of the deal. He told me to die for you. He told me to bleed within and still stand there.
I want to thank every father. I want to thank every father who stood up to the pain and secretly wiped away the blood and did not quit and did not run away and did not hide and stayed, wait a minute, wait, stayed emotionally available while he was personally bleeding, because the first thing we want to do with pain is internalize it. And the wall we build to protect ourselves from the pins they stick in us will not let their pain in, but will not let our emotions out and we become numb and die, though we are physically present.
Draw From the Father
So, just because you have a man in the house does not mean he is home. Home is when you do not lose your emotional language because of your personal pain. Home is when you understand those that you live amongst and can pour into them what they need even though you did not get poured into you what you need. And that seems so unfair. If you look to her to fill it, you are going to be disappointed because if she admires you, she sees you as such a hero, that you make being you look easy, so she does not minister to you like she does her girlfriends because she relates to female pain and she has no clue how much it costs you to be you. It does not mean she is insensitive. It means she is uninformed.
And by the time you start speaking, you are so angry that the point gets lost in the pain. So she may not always be the one who pours back into you. Go back. Your father might not have poured into you. Where is Joseph? Where is Joseph in this text? We have not seen Joseph since the feast. Where is Joseph? Why is Mary following Jesus while he is doing miracles and we see her following him all the way to the cross and we do not see his father? His father missed his football games. His father was not there when he graduated. His father was not there when he went to the cross. His father was not there when he raised the dead. His father was not there when he walked on water. His father was not there, was not there, was not there, was not there. His mama was always running in behind him somewhere and saying, "I am Jesus's mother. Even if I have to sit in the back, I will still be in the room because I am his mama."
So, what Jesus could not get from Joseph, he got from God. When you say to us what are we thinking about and we say, "Nothing," we are lying. It just means that what we are thinking about, we do not think you can handle. And so, we are silently empty... Paul told Timothy because he trusts Timothy. He said, "Come before winter." "It is cold. I do not even have a coat. I am the greatest apostle of the New Testament. I have healed and raised the dead for people who never gave me a coat. But I trust you, Timothy. Timothy, I know you love me. I just hope you get here soon enough. Come before winter because nobody knows but you that I am empty..."
Pouring From God's Love
As in proportion to as the Father hath loved me. Not Joseph, not Mary, as the Father has loved me, in that same capacity, I am able to love you. You know what? This is very personal. I can love some of the craziest people. People that everybody rejected, threw away, thought they would never be nothing. I would take the dark horse every time and I could not figure out why I would do that. Even when it is dangerous, even when it is stupid, even when it looks hopeless, I go after them. But then when I read this text, I remembered why. Because I was a dark horse. And as the Father hath loved me, because I was born in a raggedy house on the side of the hill on the back side of a mountain to fighting parents and chaotic circumstances, and because it looked like I would never be nothing and he poured into me, I can still believe that he can pour into you.
I can believe, man, no matter what you did or who you did it with or how long you did it or whether you are HIV positive or whether you are strung out on drugs or whether you are having nervous or emotional problems or whether you are going through crisis, I still believe God has a plan for your life. I believe in spite of you going to jail, in spite of you being locked up in prison, in spite of you disappointing people and letting people down, God still has a plan for your life. And the only way I can love like that is because I have been loved like that. And as the Father hath loved me, I love the way he loved because that is what he poured into me and that is what I pour into you.
Come to Be Filled
If you are running dry, come to this altar right now. I do not care how old or young you are. Do not you think for one minute because I am your pastor I do not run dry. Do not you think for one minute that I do not get empty. Do not you think for one minute that I do not get tired and want to quit. Do not you think for one minute that I do not want to run away and hide. Do not you think that you are unusual or crazy or weak or phony because you run dry. It is not your fault who did or did not pour into you, but it is your fault if you do not learn how to go to God and let him pour back into you.