Robert Barron - Don't Play the Pride Game
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Peace be with you, friends. For this 22nd Sunday of Ordinary Time, I want to talk to you about a very important theme. Namely, the theme of pride and its antidote. Now, I say very important because I don’t know a spiritual teacher who doesn’t say the fundamental problem we have is pride. And of course, they’re getting this from the great biblical witness. What goes wrong with us? Well, the most serious of the deadly sins, the capital of the capital sins, is recognized universally by spiritual teachers as pride.
Now, I know we tend to say, «Oh, it’s lust.» We tend to associate sexual sin with the supreme problem. Don’t write me letters. Lust is a deadly sin. Sexual sin is a serious problem; don’t get me wrong. But there’s not one spiritual teacher that would say lust or sexual sin is the highest. No. The highest one, the most deadly one, is pride. So, the Bible talks about it a lot. Well, what is pride? My go-to man usually is Thomas Aquinas. He says it’s inordinate or excessive self-love.
So, is there, you know, legitimate self-love? Sure. But an inordinate or excessive self-love, that’s pride. Augustine, whom I’ve often quoted, said curvatus in se; when you’re caved in around yourself, that’s the attitude of pride. I put it this way: maybe it’s an attitude that prevents us from real contact with reality. It’s being caved in upon the self. It’s a self- regard that prevents me from getting in touch with reality. It’s like living in a very cramped, narrow spiritual space. Maybe I’d use the metaphor of a black hole that draws all things into itself. So instead of going out to the world, the world’s drawn into the little narrow space of my self-preoccupation. That’s pride. And that’s why it’s such a deadly sin. Where does it come from? I’ve always liked Paul Tillich’s answer. Tillich said, «Pride is born of fear.»
Now, think about it. To be finite is to be afraid. You know, we’re vulnerable. We’re threatened. We’re not self-sufficient. And so, we have an instinct, like an animal instinct almost, to protect oneself, right? To put up walls and barriers, to turn defensively against the world, to become curvatus in se precisely out of fear. What does Jesus say? Perfect love casts out all fear. That’s a key insight there, it seems to me. Now, this is also why the opposite of pride, the antidote to pride, is called humility. We automatically have a kind of superficial understanding of humility. But the key is in the etymology. Humilitas comes from humus, which means soil. It’s funny, isn’t it? You wouldn’t think of that. But to be humble is to be in touch with reality.
See, it’s literally down to earth or, to use our language, grounded. A humble person is able to get out of the black hole of self-regard and enter into being, into reality. In that sense, humble is the ground, the earth. Think of a farmer with his hands in the dirt; he’s in touch with reality. That’s the humble person. You know, something Jordan Peterson said a while ago, he might have said it, in fact, in this very room in a podcast we did. He said, «Self-regard, psychologically speaking, is identical to misery.»
That strikes me as dead right and very much in line with what I’ve been talking about. Self- regard, when I’m looking inward, is psychologically speaking equivalent to misery. Think for a second, everybody, about the best moments in your life. I will guarantee you it’s when you are least aware of yourself. When you’re not looking in, you’re looking out. You’re not preoccupied with what’s affecting you and what’s threatening you and all that. You’ve forgotten that, and you’re in touch with humus, with the ground, with reality. Well, that’s what we’re talking about. That’s the humility that stands against pride. Okay?
Now, that’s the general principle the Gospel gives us. In typical biblical fashion, the Bible doesn’t usually engage in sort of philosophical analysis. It tells stories. And we’ve got this great story that Jesus tells that’s right to this point, though. Listen. He says, «When you’re invited by someone to a wedding banquet, do not recline at the table in the place of honor. Rather, when you’re invited, go and take the lowest place.» Well, he’s drawing from his own time and culture, but it should be pretty obvious what he’s talking about.
So, a wedding banquet — everybody’s there. It’s a very public place. What do we prideful people want? Because we’re afraid. Okay, I get it. We’re afraid. And so, we want to elevate ourselves. We protect ourselves by elevating ourselves. Look at me. I’m in the prime position. I’m at the top table. And so, we jockey to get precisely into that position. Now, pick your walk of life. You can see this everywhere. It seems to me people trying to get into the higher position and more to it in a way that’s publicly visible. That’s why this wedding banquet image is so good because think of a bustling room full of people. It’s not like I’ve quietly and privately moved into the highest position. I’m publicly visible in the higher position, and everyone can see, «Oh, he’s at the top table,» as opposed to everybody else at lower tables.
Well, that’s a very familiar move. Um, can I give you some examples from the world that I know best, which is the ecclesiastical world? Now, I’m not picking on the church here. This is the world I know best. But pick your world. I mean, it’s available everywhere human beings are operating. But the Catholic Church is a very hierarchical institution. We’ve got deacons, we’ve got priests, we’ve got monsignors, we’ve got auxiliary bishops, we’ve got bishops, we’ve got archbishops, and we’ve got cardinals. Among the cardinals, you have cardinal deacons, cardinal priests, and cardinal bishops. Then you’ve got the pope at the top of the hierarchy. We have a very hierarchically arranged setup.
Now, is that bad in itself? No, it’s not bad in itself. But what does it set up? Well, everyone in the church is prideful. And I don’t mean that to be critical of the church. I mean, all of us human beings wrestle with pride. So, when you bring pride into that scenario, what’s going to happen? Well, everyone’s jockeying for the highest position. Who’s rising in the hierarchy? Who’s going down in the hierarchy? Who’s on top? Who’s on the bottom? I remember years ago, I was in Rome for something, and I went to this event. It was a talk. I got there kind of early, and the chairs were kind of arranged, and I just took a seat not in the first row but kind of up toward the front. I wanted to have a good seat for the talk, and this little monsignor came out.
I remember, at the time, I wasn’t a bishop; I was just a lowly priest, you know. He came out, «No, no, no,» and then he gestured. «Cardinal archmonsignor.» He was saying, «No, no, this is the section for the cardinals, for the archbishops, for the bishops,» and he sent me all the way to the back of the room where the little priest had to sit. Okay, that’s the way it goes. You know, we tend to play these games out of a desire to elevate ourselves, you know, and I wasn’t doing it on purpose that time. I just wanted to get a good seat. But the monsignor was very aware of who belonged in what position. Um, again, I’m not implying that we shouldn’t have hierarchies or that they’re bad in themselves. I’m just noticing how we prideful people end up playing that game. Um, now what’s the way out?
Well, you know, let me say something before I get to the solution; there’s one more point I want to make. I’ve talked before to you about the Wheel of Fortune, right? This device in the medieval cathedrals shows that at the top of the Wheel of Fortune, there’s someone who has made it-he’s the king. Then the wheel turns, and he loses his crown. At the bottom, there’s the poor person who has no power, and then there’s the guy who’s rising up to power. The point is that the wheel just keeps turning in life; that’s the way it goes. Well, the medievals knew this: all the points on the rim of the wheel are points of anxiety, but the worst of them all is at the top of the wheel, right? You’re at the top of the wheel.
Okay, I made it. My prideful soul is now satisfied. I’m at the highest seat. Yeah, but you know for sure that all kinds of people underneath you are jockeying for position and trying to knock you out of that perch. That’s the least comfortable place of all to be. I think here of the great line from Oscar Wilde. He said, «The only thing worse than not getting what you want is getting what you want.» I have found that played out in many ways in my own life and the lives of others. Oh, the one thing I want! Oh, I’ll be finally satisfied. I get it, and I’m happy for maybe a day or two, and then I realize that’s the worst thing that could have happened to me. That has now put me in the worst possible position.
So, what did Jesus say? You know, when you come into a room and you’re at the banquet, I know what your pride dictates: take the highest place. No, no. On purpose, take the lowest place. On purpose. How come? Because you’re consciously opting out of the game. See, the point is that playing the game at all will get you in trouble. Whether you’re good at it or bad at it, whether you succeed at it or fail at it, playing the game of pride, self-elevation, and seeking honor is going to harm you.
I’m going to date myself here, but there was a movie from the early' 80s; I think it was called War Games, and it was kind of in the early days of computers when we all were fascinated by them. It’s about a kid who hacks into NORAD, you know, the National Defense system, and affects our nuclear defense and all this.
Well, the climax of the movie, as I remember, has this great scene inside NORAD where the scenarios are playing out of nuclear attacks — America attacks first, or Russia attacks first, and this city, then that city, and what would happen. Then they’re looking at the board, and all these scenarios, hundreds — hundreds — thousands are playing out before them of who’s going to win a nuclear war. And then it ends, and up on the board, maybe a voice announces it, saying, «The only winning strategy is not to play the game.»
Well, I go back to that line a lot because it applies in the spiritual order. There are games, everybody, that we all play. We’re all sinners, and we’re all full of pride and fearful, so we arm ourselves, and we defend ourselves, and we jockey for position. Okay, I get it. But the only way to win that game is not to play it. Get off the board. Get off the grid completely. You know what I’m talking about. I don’t care if you’re a real estate developer, a dentist, an academician, or a private investor; in any walk of life, you know what I’m talking about here. You can spend your whole life playing this game of who’s up, who’s down, who’s gaining, who’s losing. Hey, I’m on top, and everyone sees me, and before you know it, you’re plummeting down again.
See, don’t play the game. That’s why Jesus says, on purpose, take the lowest place. On purpose. Don’t play the game. Here’s a way to sum it up: a lot of us sinners spend a lot of time and energy trying to please the people around us or make the people around us think we’re really something. Forget it; that is an utter waste of time. You’re handing your happiness over to the fickle attitudes of other people. Don’t play that game. Rather, seek only to please God. That’s the route of the humble person. And trust me, you’ll be infinitely happier. And God bless you.