Michael Todd - Happily Ever Before
Transformation Church men, I am so glad that you are here with us today. I know that some of you are still on a high from last week when we had what I now call the «Relationship Goals Revival.» If you’re just joining us and you saw that clip, you might be wondering what we were doing. Basically, we were about to preach, and then God came in, and we worshiped for two and a half hours. It was exactly what people’s souls needed. We’ve seen the messages and the emails and DMs saying that people needed that time to realign their perspectives. God spoke to them and healed their relationships, and I’m so excited that we are part of a church that truly follows God. Today, we will be doing the same thing.
If worship has been your weapon all week, I need you to type it in the chat right now. Come on, someone needs to type «Worship is my weapon!» I’m seeing people all over the world right now tuned in from almost every state. Worship is our weapon! But here’s the thing we need to know about our weapons: God is so good that He doesn’t just give us one. The Word is our weapon too. This is the thing everyone must understand: some people would love to stay laid out and prostrate for six years, but then you have to get up and live something. You have to get up and confront some things. So today, even though everything in me wants to go back into «This Is How I Fight My Battles,» I think it would be wise for us to see what the Word says about our relationships in a brand-new way because I want you to win in relationships. That’s what this whole series is about.
Someone asked me if I’m just doing this because it’s popular. I said, «No!» I’ve counseled many people, and with every issue in their lives—whether it’s financial, emotional, or dealing with anger—it always stems back to a relational issue: an issue with a parent, a first boyfriend, or someone they work with. If we can get relationships right, we can achieve the life that God wants us to live. I feel this in my spirit: some of us are living a lower life than God intended for us because of the people we’re bringing into our lives—the relationships we allow to be part of our lives. I didn’t mean to start off like this, but someone needs to hear this! If we get the right aim in our relationships, then we can hit a goal. You cannot have a goal without aiming.
This is what this entire series is about, and I declare over your life that all your relationships are getting better as you allow this to settle in your heart. Someone needs to believe that! Type it by faith: «All my relationships are getting better—every single one of them!» The ones I should have are thriving, and the ones I shouldn’t have are exiting right now. Come on! Someone needs to have the faith to say it: «All my relationships are getting better!» And everything that’s not like God has to go to the left, to the left! I think that was a little Beyoncé influence in the name of Jesus.
Well, today we are starting week five of a series we’re calling «Relationship Goals Reloaded.» Now, I didn’t even plan this, but I need a sound effect right now when I announce that! We’re starting a series called «Relationship Goals Reloaded!» Oh, that sounds good! The reason I say «reloaded» is that if we truly look at what God wants for us, we would be loaded for every relationship we encounter.
That’s why in Week One of this relationship series, we stated we’re going to make the principles of God—not what culture says, not what everyone else says, or what our big mama taught us about relationships, or Uncle Jerry’s advice—our foundation. We’ll say, «All of that is our experience, but we’re going back to the Creator for insight.» Until you understand the maker’s mind regarding the product, you will always abuse it. So we made the principles of God our first priority. Then, you all know what we started doing: we began ripping up lists, and we didn’t just do that for one week—we did it for two! And last week, as you already know, we went into a «Relationship Goals» revival!
I say all this to say that when I created these resources—you all know about the book, but I wanted to talk about this study guide—I’m not trying to sell anything; I’m trying to help you win! If you answer the questions in this book about your relationships and even do it with a group of people, it’s going to start unfolding what’s inside you and allow God to define what He wants to bring out of you.
Now, you may wonder, «Why are you telling us all this, Pastor Mike?» If you look the same next year relationally as you do this year, that’s your fault! I’ll say it again: if you look the same relationally next year, it’s not on me—you stayed there! You might say, «They just don’t understand my value!» But God says, «I’m trying to give you light right now! Revelation!» That’s what God wants for you—He wants you to have revelation for your relationships. Someone put that in the chat: «I want revelation for my relationships!» What is revelation? Just revealed truth. If it’s there but covered, I need to see it! I want God to uncover what’s wrong.
Somebody needs to hear this: if the relationship exists but is covered up, and it’s not good, ask God for revelation! I want you to uncover the people who are not for me. I want you to reveal the issues in my heart. I want you to uncover where I’m still walking in pride and won’t forgive. Give me revelation for my relationships! When we receive revelation for our relationships, it changes everything.
Today’s message was sparked by a conversation I had with a young lady. She said, «Pastor Mike, I love your Relationship Goals series. I’ve watched the last one three times and sent it to all my friends! I’m just ready to find my person.» I asked her, «What’s this person like?» She began to list things, and I could see she hadn’t watched Part 1 and 2. She started listing all these qualities, and I asked, «What happens when you find this person? Do you change? Do you become something else now that you have a person?» She looked at me confused, and I said, «Do you know that God has purpose for you before a person?»
She was taken aback, and I continued, «Before you have a person, you have purpose!» I came to tell someone right now—I believe many people around the world are watching this—waiting for somebody else to press «go» on what God has already called you to do! God wants you to know that before a person, you have a purpose! I want you to say that: «I have a purpose.» You may not fully know what it is right now; you may still be discovering it or asking God what it is. But you have one, and nothing is supposed to hinge on somebody else before you start taking steps in faith toward your purpose.
Just say it again: «I have a purpose!» Write that down: «Before the person, you have a purpose.» I think there are some extremes. People err on one side or the other. I’m not telling you which camp you’re in, but you might be in one of them. A lot of people who don’t have a person yet—where are my single people at? If you’re single, put «yeah» in the chat—don’t find your husband here! A lot of people who don’t have a person yet feel like their purpose is on pause until they find one. I meet these people all the time. Conversely, those who do have a partner feel that their relationship prevents them from fully pursuing their purpose.
They say, «We had kids, we started a business, we did this.» But God said, «I factored all of that in when I called you! I made provision, and I still want something from you!» I told a couple the other day, «God didn’t intend for your kids to be the blessing that replaces your purpose. I didn’t give you kids to stop for 18 years to cater to them. Those 18 years should still involve you pursuing your purpose!» Yes, it includes raising them to not depart from the faith, but that doesn’t sum up who you were created to be.
I need to tell parents right now who have put their purpose on pause that it’s time to push play on your purpose! Somebody needs to hear me! It’s time for you to push play on your purpose because God isn’t waiting for a time when everything is just right. Can I tell you this? There will never be a right time; you will always be needed somewhere else to start doing what God has called you to do. You might as well start today!
Some people aren’t finding a partner or feel they can’t do their purpose, thinking it needs to be on pause, while others think they have too much to do to make their purpose a priority. Today, I’m here to unlock both of those extremes. If you’re breathing, you have a purpose. If you have a purpose, it’s time for you to push play! Someone put it in the chat: «It’s time to press play!» Some of you have books inside you; some of you didn’t know this book was inside of you! When I pressed play on what God had placed in me, He started a plan that would transform others' lives.
People are waiting on you to press play! There’s a wall in somebody’s house that’s going to remain bare until you paint the picture! Do you see that? There’s a playlist right now that needs your song on it! Until you press play… I don’t know who this is for, but I’m telling someone that you have pushed pause on your purpose. God says you don’t need another person; just press play! Before you get one more friend or connection, God says, «Press play! Because when you press play, it means you trust me. And when you trust me, I’m better than any connection you could have. I’m the best PR agent you’ve ever had!»
Could you ever want? I am the best manager in the world, but you have to have faith enough to press play. It’s time for purpose to start, to ramp it up. I don’t know how; I just feel that things are so hard. Just press play on your purpose, and when you press play on your purpose, things begin to move in your life. But all of this happens before a person, and I understand why, because everybody has this idea and this image that they want: the happily ever after. Let’s be honest; let’s put it on the screen because somebody needs to see that happily ever after. Doesn’t that sound nice? Now, I don’t know what your happily ever after looks like, but usually, in your happily ever after, there’s a person.
Come on, let’s be honest; some of you have fantasies. You see some big, muscular guy with nine abs—yes, nine abs! —and he might even have another one around his belly button, like nine abs and big muscles. He can sing and has long hair, and no matter what, it usually has a person attached to it. I don’t know, but what are some of the characteristics? Maybe you can help someone. What are some of the characteristics you think are essential for your person? Come on, I know in the chat they are saying right now that he’s tall. Somebody else is saying they want someone with a little junk in the trunk. I know someone else is saying that they’re funny. I know someone else is saying that the characteristics they need in their person is that they have a couple of coins—they have a little money, huh?
I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger, but she ain’t messing with no broke dude. But no matter what your happily ever after looks like in your mind, I think that we really need to look at the happily ever before because many people never get the happily ever after because they weren’t intentional in the happily ever before. Oh, I’m about to preach this today! I don’t know who this is for, but many of us are looking to another season that will be cut short or sabotaged by the lack of intentionality in the previous season. That’s why God is saying to us today—I feel it so strongly—that if you want a happily ever after, you need to be focused on the happily ever before. If you want the happily ever after for your marriage, for your kids, for your business, you need to hunker down right now and get intentional about the happily ever before.
I’ve never heard anybody preach about that before, huh? Yeah, yeah! Because before the money, before the kids, before the titles, before the relationships, before the person, God says, «I have a purpose for you.» So let’s go back to the beginning. I need everybody to open your Bible because we can’t find the happily ever before from just somebody who’s older than us. We’ve got to go to something that will outlast everybody on the earth right now, and that’s the Word of God. Some of you say, «That’s just a book written by men,» and listen to me: This is the only thing that has withstood every transition, every war, every racist attack, and every economic downturn—the Word of God. The Bible says it like this: «The grass withers and the flower fades, but the Word of God remains forever.» So, we’re gonna go to the beginning; we’re gonna go to before man ever got another person.
Genesis 2:8 says, «Then the Lord God planted a garden in Eden, in the east, and there He placed the man.» Right? Underline, circle, place, put a law highlight on that: «there He placed the man.» He had made. The Lord God made all sorts of trees grow up from the ground—trees that were beautiful and trees that produced delicious fruit. In the middle of the garden, He placed the Tree of Life and the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. Drop down to Genesis 2:15. It says, «Then the Lord God placed the man in the garden.» So somebody’s there, okay—you’re in the garden. And He said He placed him in the garden to tend—circle and highlight «tend"—and watch over it. But the Lord God warned him, «You may freely eat the fruit of every tree in the garden, except…» underline except—"except for the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. If you eat its fruit, you will surely die.»
Look at verse 18; it says, Genesis 2:18, «Then the Lord God said, after He did all of that, 'You know what? I’ve done a lot of work in these past few days.' Like Genesis 1, if you go back and watch it, He was like, 'You know what? It’s too dark in here. Let there be light.' And then He says it was good. And then He says, 'You know what? I don’t like it all being one type of thing—water and land—split. It was good: vegetation.' He then made cabbage and mustard greens and turnip greens and kale for all the people who are trying to watch their weight. It was good. He said, 'Then He made the sun and moon' and called it good: sea creatures, Nemo, Timon, and Pumbaa. It was good.
And the first time He says it’s not good is in Genesis 2:18. Then the Lord said, 'After all I’ve done, it’s not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.' So I’ve got good news for everybody: God wants you to have a person. So that’s the first thing I need everybody to realize right now: God said it isn’t good for you to be alone. And however you are, with all your quirks and things, it isn’t good for you to be alone, so I’m going to give you a person. But I want to not focus on the person today; I want to focus on all the other things God gave to Adam before he gave him the person. See, everybody reads that and hears that then He made a helper suitable for him, and that’s what you’re waiting on, like, 'Would you just please go ahead and make me the helper? ' But that was the seventh thing God gave to man. Did you find all six of them?
See, that’s what we have to read the Word and ask God to illuminate it to us, because there were six things that God gave to man and a woman before He gave them their person. And today, I want to help you see this because God’s plan is for you to have a relationship. I understand some people say, „Well, not everybody gets married.“ Yeah, yeah, everybody has the ability to make a choice, and if you don’t want to get married, it’s all good. But even if it’s not in a marriage relationship, God wants relationship for everybody. I don’t care if you’re introverted; I don’t care if you’re someone who’s been hurt in the past; He heals us through relationship, He delivers us through relationship, He cultivates us through relationship. You’re looking at me, but I don’t see me if I don’t have a relationship with somebody. I could have something on my face and would never know, and many of us who are isolated—I feel this right now—there are people who have been living isolated, like, „I ain’t gonna be hurtin' no more; I don’t mess with nobody; I do my own thing.“
And God says, „What you’re doing is stunting your growth because you won’t let any other person in your life.“ But God wants relationship for you. I hear Him saying it right now because He wanted it for Adam. You don’t think that He wants it for you? If He wanted it for the first person on earth, I’m gonna give you scripture for it: Ecclesiastes 4:9. It says, „Two people are better than one.“ Look: „Two people are better than one, for they can help each other succeed.“ So, this is where you’ve got to read between the lines of the Bible. There is a qualification of the relationships you should have: If you’re in a relationship with somebody and say, „Well, that’s my person,“ the way you know it is good for you and God is if they help you succeed.
Are the relationships you are in right now helping you succeed, or do they make you more like how you don’t want to be? Do they make you do things that you vowed never to do? Do you gossip with those people and are trying to change your language? Are those the people that discourage you instead of encourage you? Are those the people you stay around because of time served? You don’t want any new best friends, no new friends, but you are staying the same? And the reason you’re staying the same is that you are not getting people around you who are helping you succeed. If you’re always living in the glory days, that means you’re not making new memories.
If you’re always talking about what you did in college and remember last summer and can’t wait to party again—God is saying, „Is that what you’re living for?“ I need you to get around some people that will help you succeed. So, I want relationship for you, but help ensure that you are surrounding yourself with people that will help you succeed. Because you are better than one, for they can help each other succeed. And this is the reason—if one person falls, the other can reach out and help. Man, I didn’t mean to preach this much, but that means if you fall and your friend is down there with you, the whole reason for having relationships is when one falls, the other is at another level that they can reach down with grace and help them up.
The problem is most of us are tripping with the people we call friends. So what ends up happening is all the stuff I deal with is the stuff they deal with, and we made a relationship based on dysfunction. I’ve got to run, I’ve got to run, I’ve got to run. Why? Because many of us will not do the work on the inside to be in a relationship with somebody who actually calls more out of us. The Bible says iron sharpens iron, but what we usually do is get with people who make us comfortable, and we develop relationships out of dysfunction. Then we start to stay in this place I’ll call the falling place for so long that we think it’s normal.
Some of us think it’s normal to talk about people. Some of us think it’s normal to steal. Some of us think it’s normal, and the only reason we believe it’s normal with those people around us is because they do the same thing. But look at what God says: He says if one person falls, the other can reach out and help, but someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Let me give you a point: God wants a relationship with you, and He wants a relationship for you. Those are two of the main reasons that God sent Jesus—because He wants a relationship with you. He sent Jesus because we were broken and lost after Adam and Eve did what they did. In just a few chapters, He said, „I have to make a way for them, so I sent Jesus so that I can have a relationship with you.“
I don’t know if there’s someone watching right now who feels like you’ve done too much and are too far away from God. I felt that way too, and I want to say, „Me too.“ But that’s what the love and grace of God do: they make a way for you to have a relationship with Him. However, He doesn’t just want a relationship with you; He wants a relationship for you. So I say it like this: because He wants a relationship with you, He sent Jesus. Because He wants a relationship for you, He sent someone named Jerome or Jerry or Jeannie, or whoever else is named. But He wants a relationship for you. Somebody just say that: „God wants a relationship for me.“
Come on, that is a faith statement for somebody because some of you have been so hurt that you said, „I don’t want a relationship with anybody else. I’ll be fine; I’ll keep people at a distance.“ You know I call them „Heisman friends“ because they always have this stance—I’m trying to protect myself from whatever you might do. And God is saying, „No, no, I want a relationship for you.“ But before we get to the happily ever after, I gave you six things that I desire for you in the happily ever before. Let me give you the first one because some of you are saying, „Tell us, Pastor Mike!“ The first thing that God is giving to every person in the happily ever before is His presence. God wants you to have His presence before you have a person. Now, everybody is like, „Oh snap! I thought I already had God’s presence; I thought He was everywhere at all times.“
You know one of the craziest things about something? If something can be there but you don’t acknowledge it, like this: if there was a millionaire in the crowd of people, and someone said a millionaire is here, it wouldn’t make a difference because we wouldn’t know which millionaire is where they are. But if the millionaire stood up and said, „Hey, I’m the millionaire,“ then we would have the opportunity to either ignore or acknowledge that he was in the room. Many people right now know God is around, but you have ignored Him, and God is saying today, „I need you to acknowledge me and my presence.“ Can I break it down for you?
Genesis 2:7 says, „Then the Lord God formed man from the dust of the ground, and He breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.“ Picture this: He’s dust, He forms him up, breathes into him. What’s the first thing a baby does when they come into the earth to figure out their new surroundings? They open their eyes. And when they open their eyes, they’re in the presence of whoever is there. When Adam opened his eyes for the very first time, he was in the presence of God. What God told me was: „Before you ever get a person, I painted this picture so that you would know that every time you get breath—remember He breathed His breath into him—every time you have breath for another 24 hours and you open your eyes, I want you to spend time in My presence.“ He literally said, „From My presence, everything else is going to flow. From My presence, everything else is going to be taken care of.“
But He literally gives us the ability—you know, if God wanted to, we could just stay awake 24 hours a day. Like, if He wanted us to, we would never have to sleep. I think He put sleep in there to remind us of how He formed Adam—that He took him from nothing, He gave him breath, He opened his eyes, and he was in the presence of God. So every time you go to sleep and God gives you another breath when you open your eyes, you should make it a point to spend time in the presence of God. That’s why the first thing I say when I wake up is, „Thank you, Lord! You are so good! Thank you for what You’re doing.“ I spend time creating a moment for me and Him to be in His presence, just like Adam walked in the cool of the day. He wasn’t worried about anything because he spent time with God.
Do you know that most of your worry comes from not spending time with God? When we talk about making God big or magnifying the Lord with me, the only way you can magnify something is if you see it, and if you see it, you get closer to it. That’s what magnification is. It’s making something that looks far appear closer, either because something is making it closer or you’re getting closer to it. And what I’m telling you is God is saying today, and I feel it so strongly, is that He needs you to acknowledge His presence before your person. This works even if you’re married because some of you barely talk to your spouse and God isn’t getting talked to. He’s saying, „Come back to the heart of why I created you—to spend time with Me.“
I believe that even in this moment right now, even though we’re on this point, God is saying He wants your presence because He’s already given you His presence. This week, I believe somebody’s going to take that seriously. What if we did a challenge, and for seven days before you got on Instagram, before you called anybody, before you did anything else, you carved out time to be in God’s presence? Oh, you don’t want to be challenged, huh? I told you I was reloaded! I don’t want you just to listen to this; I want you to transform through this. And today, God is saying, „I have a person for you, but before that person, you need My presence.“
Can I talk to the ladies for a second? Ladies, don’t ever date a man who doesn’t know how to get in God’s presence. Why, Pastor Mike? Because if God’s not speaking to him, he will not know how to handle you. The only way I know how to do everything in my life is to go to the One who created the one I’m supposed to be with. Many ladies are trying to find a man outside of God’s presence and then drag him to the presence. You will never be able to get a man to go where he wasn’t already found. You will never be able to make him what you hope he is, and that’s why you need to be praying for him. You need to be standing with him, but you can’t pull him. That’s why I’m begging you, young ladies who are single: stop going after him just because he has a good heart! Stop trying to pick up a project. Find a man in God’s presence because if you find a man in His presence, then he’ll be able to lead you.
Okay, I have to get off of that because someone’s offended. And to my married women who have already picked up a project, and you’re sitting next to him—calm down. Don’t think this is the time to divorce him because the Bible tells you the faith of one woman can save an entire household. You keep believing, and you keep speaking life over him. And fellas, let me help you understand this: don’t date her because she looks good. Date her because she can get lost in God. When she can get lost in God, do you know there are many arguments that my beautiful wife and I have—oh, we’ll just call them heated discussions—that neither one of us wins? Because we go back to our corners, and God deals with both of us.
And when He deals with you, because we’re in His presence, I come back in, and I apologize. No, no, I apologize! I’m like, „No, no, no! Let me apologize first!“ Then we argue about who should apologize. Pray for us, okay? What I’m saying to you is a relationship without a goal is pointless, but a relationship without God is senseless. Many of us are having relationships without God’s presence. I could stay there all day, but I need to keep moving, okay? The second thing that you need to understand about getting a happily ever after is God’s presence is before the person.
Number two: what does God desire for you? He desires for you to have a place. Let me prove it to you right now: Genesis 2:8. „Then the Lord God planted a garden in Eden, in the east, and there He placed the man.“ This means that the place you hate, but you seem to be in, may be God’s place for you—not your preference. Adam did not get a brochure and say, „Hey, can you pick out of all these locations where you would like to be? Do you want to be in Eden in the west, or do you want to be at this place?“ All God said was, „Hey, this is your place,“ and he had to be content with where God placed him. Everybody say, „placed him.“ Uh-huh. The problem is, your family, yeah, they’re crazy, but God placed you there. Your job—you hate it because they don’t pay you enough—but God placed you there. The city you’re in? Maybe God placed you there.
I get people all the time asking, „So when are you moving from Tulsa? Bro, you’re big time! When are you moving from Tulsa?“ I tell them, „Never, until God moves me.“ I said, „Yeah, Tulsa has a little airport. Yes, Tulsa is not near any beach or any real water. Yes, every restaurant closes at about 10 o’clock in Tulsa, and yes, these people are crazy. But at the end of the day, this is my place.“ A lot of people go down a checklist of what they don’t like: „I’m about to move to L.A. I’m about to move to New York.“ You better not move away from your place—the place that God put you—because your favor is not in where you would like to be; your favor is in where God left you.
So if I move from Tulsa, trying to go to a bigger market on my own and to get Transformation Church to blow up, I will lose all the favor. Many of us are living in places right now where there is no favor—we’re living in a place where there is no provision. We’re living in a place because we’ve gotten out of the place that God had for us. Before God gives you a person, He wants you to have His presence, and He wants you to be content in the place. You might say, „I hate this place,“ but maybe there’s something at that place that you don’t know you need, and you can’t go to the next place until you get it. I think about my life in so many different facets. At the time when I was serving in youth ministry and not getting paid—let me say it again, Mom—did you ever pay me for that?
Spirit and Truth: for doing youth ministry, not a dime! For three years, every week I was planning and preparing. We took those kids on trips. And you know, Beibei kids—we did all that other stuff, and not one dollar increased in my account. But God had placed me there. I didn’t do it because I had to; I did it because I was placed. And I don’t know who I’m talking to, but there’s somebody about to make a move that God said, „I’m not in that.“ It’s like the same moment right before Natalie and I were about to get married. I got an offer as a music producer to move to New York for one year, to make over $100,000 at the age of 22. I don’t know if you’ve ever been 22 and broke, but for your boy, that was like God had answered my prayer. And I had the presence of mind to pray about it.
What did I do? I went to His presence and asked, „If I move to New York just for one year, Lord, that isn’t really that bad, right? I mean, I’ll leave town, so I’ll move to New York and make some money.“ And He said, „That’s not your place.“ These were His exact words to me, and I’ve told this to several people. He said, „If you go, you’ll be successful, but I’ll take My hand off of everything you do.“ And it scared me. I knew I wasn’t that good, so I just jumped back right into broke Tulsa, and I stayed there.
Now, what would have happened if I had disobeyed God? I saw this when I was trying to get out of a place, and I wonder what God sees for you right now while you’re trying to maneuver and move. God says, „I see something up ahead that is a part of your purpose, a part of my plan, but you can’t get out of place.“ I’d say, „Stay in place.“ Put that in the chat: stay in place. Because before the person, God wants you to have His presence, and He wants you to be in the place that He’s called you to be. To get a happily ever after, God’s place is before the person.
Let me tell you the third thing this is what God desires for you before the person: He desires for you to have provision. But let me prove it to you. Verse 9: „Then the Lord God made all sorts of trees grow up from the ground, trees that were beautiful and that produced provision.“ God would never put His child in a situation where there is no provision from Him. Here’s another qualification: if you know you’re outside of the will of God, if the place you’re in has no provision from God, you may be in the wrong place.
I just want to be very clear, because so many people come up to me saying, „I’m just going to step out on faith.“ No, you’re stepping out on foolishness. A lot of people have crazy faith; no, that’s just unwise. You didn’t find that plan out in His presence.
So, before the person you’re trying to connect with, God says, „Go to My presence, and I’ll tell you where the place is.“ My place will be confirmed by provision. I’ll provide for you in that place. You’ll be able to see very clearly if it’s Me or not, even when it’s a hard season.
Can I prove it to you? Let’s just go back to the children of Israel when they were coming out of slavery. The Bible says that God took them to the wilderness because He was trying to get something out of them that was within them. He said they were slaves, but I’m trying to make them sons. So, I’ve got to take them through an eleven-day hard season so that they can understand this.
While they were in that season, there was a new food group that formed from the earth. It dropped every morning like dew, and it was called manna, which translated means „What is it?“ This means that every morning they woke up and thought, „I’m hungry,“ and they went out asking, „Oh, what is it?“ and it was provision. Your provision may not taste like what you want; it might not be provided in the way you’d like, but it will sustain you in the season you’re in.
And what happens when you do not have the right attitude in the place you’re supposed to be? You end up eating what was supposed to last you 11 days for 40 years. They were only supposed to eat manna, that provision, for 11 days, and because they complained, and they didn’t get into the presence of God, and they didn’t appreciate the place, and they didn’t even appreciate their pastor Moses, they turned an eleven-day journey into a 40-year death.
What I’m saying to you is, if you get in God’s presence before the person, and you get in the place, no matter how dry the season is, God will provide. Somebody needs to hear that right now, because in your business, you’re trying to figure out during COVID how this is going to happen. God says, „This isn’t the time to move; this is not the time to start acting.“ It’s time to get in My presence before you go seeking another person, getting another loan, and doing all this other stuff.
Get in My presence; get back to the basics, and I’ll tell you the place to go, and I will provide. Somebody say, „God will provide.“ Say it with faith: „God will provide.“ Somebody needs to hear that for your wedding that you’re planning. God will provide for the thing you’re believing for, for your children. God will provide for those student loans that need to be paid back. God will provide. Somebody say it again: „God will provide.“
When you walk with God in His presence and you’re in the right place, you walk around knowing that you may not have it, but He does. God will provide. Imagine how amazing it was for Adam every day to wake up and not worry, saying, „What up, God? Yeah, man, there’s some good fruit! I love this place. I know there are other places out here, but You put me here, so this must be the best place for me right now.“
And I don’t know, maybe I’m missing something; maybe I’d like to have a partner, but Your presence, Your place, and Your provision are doing all right right now. You got anything else for me, God? He says, „Yeah.“ If you want the happily ever after, God’s provision is before the person, but also, God wants to shape your personality before you get with the person.
That word „personality“ literally means the combination of characteristics or qualities that form an individual’s distinct character; it’s an identity. God wants to give you an identity in Him before you ever get with the person. This is where so many people mess up, because they think how they are right now is their identity. No, that’s what culture, the world, and your family put on you. But what God is saying is, „I gave you an identity because I made you in My image.“
Can I prove it to you? Genesis 1:26. It’s not 26; this is the relationship goal series. We’re good; don’t edit this out. 26, Natalie, I’m coming. All right, we’ll get to that at the end of this series. I’m going to talk about sex; I’m going to talk about all of it, because I don’t want anybody to come and get these things defined by people who don’t go into the presence of God.
When I was raised, all they said was, „Don’t have sex before you get married.“ Well, I messed that up several times, and I had no playbook on how to live my life. I want us to define things as a church. I’m getting mad now. I want the church to be the one to talk about things and not let culture define them for our kids, and then we’re trying to undo stuff. The things you dealt with that nobody still brings up, and nobody ever talked to you about how to have a relationship, we’re breaking that in the church. We’re going to stand up and talk about everything that God talked about.
Calm down, Michael. But God wants you to have a personality, and the reason it says that in Genesis 1:26 is that He said, „Then God said to the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit,“ sitting and having a conference. They said, „Hey, let us make human beings in our,“ what’s this next word, „image, to be like ourselves,“ to be an individual, to be what nobody has ever seen before.
Look what the Bible says: „Let us make them in our image, or our identity, to be like us.“ That’s why God says the reason you need some time before you get with the person—or even if you are with the person—is because you need to allow God into your heart to be able to work on some things. It’s because I want to give you a personality that looks like Me and a personality that reflects or has My identity in it. That’s what God is saying.
I want to give you a practical example. Can you put the picture of my kids up here real quick? These are my three babies; they’re so scrumptious. My daughter Isabella just graduated from kindergarten last week. I’m emotional. I have Ava; she’s 2, and MJ; he’s 4. Now, if you look very closely at my children, you can go to Instagram and see that my children are all very different. They have different personalities because somebody might say, „I’m not going to be like anyone else.“ No, you can have different personalities, but all my children, when I look at them, I see me in them.
This is what God is saying to us. He said, „The reason that before a person I want to help shape and cultivate your personality is because when I look at a picture of you, I need to be able to see Me.“ We may not have the same exact features; all my kids are lighter than I am because their mom has an Indian heritage. They have better hair than I do; I have to use a thousand products while they just spray water, and it just blows up.
What I’m saying is, when I look into MJ’s eyes, though he has different hair and a different personality, I see myself. When I look at Bella, I see myself. When I look at Ava, I see myself. And the question God is asking you is, can He see His image in you? In the way you handle situations, in how you love your kids, in how you think of yourself, do you know He calls you a masterpiece?
Do you see yourself how God sees you? And God’s saying that’s why you’ve got to give Me some time before a person, or even if you are with a person, I need you to come back around and get this one, because I need to get your identity to be an image of Me on the earth. I want you to walk in love before a person. I want you to be able to forgive before a person. I want you to be humble before a person. I want you to think of others.
And the sad truth is, when God looks at us, it can look like a Maury Povich episode. You ever seen those people up there? „He don’t even look like me!“ People are out here defending, but then there’s always that one kid who looks exactly like the dad. Y’all know what I’m talking about; they’re both cross-eyed, and one has a mole right here, and the other one has this. God is saying to us, „I never want to have to show up and defend if you look like Me or not. I don’t want to have to come to entertainment, government, or education and say, 'No, for real, that’s My kid.'“
He said, „Would you allow Me, before the person, to not just give you a happily ever after, but give you a happily ever before?“ I will cultivate the things in your life that you don’t even like right now and make them into something beautiful.
And this is the thing about it. In Genesis 2:8, He said He placed the man in the garden that He had made. He was proud of us; He claimed us with all of our flaws and all of our mess. I don’t care what my kids look like because to me, everybody else’s kids can be ugly, but not mine! Y’all know y’all look at other babies and think, „Hey, they look like little aliens.“ Your baby looks like an alien too, but they don’t because they’re yours.
And God says the same thing about you. Everybody else can think you’re ugly; everybody else can think you’re worthless, but you’re My kid. And when you’re My kid, I’m proud of you. And God says that’s the thing I need you to know: that you’re Mine. And I want to give you My personality because that’s what God gives before He gives a person.
The fifth thing He gives is His purpose. Yep, and I know this is that big question: how do I know my purpose? Because, Mike, I’ve been fasting for 98 days trying to find my calling. I get this question all the time. The truth is, I’m not God. And number two, I’ve discovered a little secret about purpose.
When we see it in verse 15, it says, „The Lord God placed the man in the Garden of Eden to tend and watch over it.“ He had a purpose to tend, which means to work, to be passionate about one’s calling, to cultivate, to look after. And I begin to look at this. „Tend“ literally means to pay attention and apply oneself.
So when you think about your purpose, I don’t think your purpose is a destination like, „I’ve reached my purpose.“ I think purpose is revealed as you tend to what’s in front of you right now. It literally makes me think of Colossians 3:23 that says, „Whatever you do, even if it’s not what you think you’re going to be doing, whatever you do, work—“ Everybody say work!
That means, before you have a person, you need a job. We’ll talk about that later. Work at it with your whole being, whatever you do for the Lord, not for men. My question to you is maybe your purpose is less about what you’re doing and more about how you’re doing it.
Maybe in the season you’re in, even if you don’t like it, it’s part of my purpose. You know, now that I look back, hindsight is 20/20; it’s like all that was created for me to do. Do y’all know when I was in high school, for some reason they asked me to lead all the pep rallies at my school? I hated it! I didn’t want to do it. They didn’t give me a pass to not do the classwork I missed to prepare for the pep rally.
But now, every Friday, I would get in front of thousands of students—Black, White, young, old, faculty, staff—and I had to keep their attention and present to them for an hour and a half every Friday. I didn’t want to do it at the time, but when they asked me, I was going to give it everything I had. I dressed up, and I remember this one time I looked like a hot fool. I’m posting on Instagram this week. I had on a baseball sock that I cut for my arm. I had on that glow-in-the-dark paint stuff. I was posing with my friend; I looked dumb, but I was tending to what was in front of me. Who would have thought, 20 years later, that my profession would be something that other people would recognize as my purpose? Oh, your cousin, like, you have a purpose! Boy, you just get up on that platform and all—no, no! My purpose was when I was in high school, leading those pep rallies. I was in my purpose. And I don’t know why some of you are discounting what God is counting on.
Some of us are saying, „I need to find my purpose,“ and God is saying, „If you would just do that one thing—keep doing that Bible study, keep going to that place, keep drawing that art, and keep talking to those people.“ He was like, „You do it as you’re doing it unto me, not unto them.“ He said that is going to be the thing that reveals what God has called you to do. And that’s why every day Adam woke up before a person—before Eve’s fine tail came through. Awed, he was like, „Whoa, man!“ That’s why he’s called that. Well, you’ll get it later. But that’s what he was doing. Adam, before the person, was in God’s presence. He was in the place that God called him; he had provision there. He had a personality that was formed in the image of God, and he was working his purpose. My question to you is: What do you need to do this week to start working on your purpose again?
Let me give you the last thing, because I believe these truths are about to make some of y’all go back this week and write all of this stuff down and start asking God: „Go back to His presence saying, 'God, I need you to show me. I need you to show me what I need to do, how I need to do it, what I need to let go of, and what I need to go for.'“ And literally, he says the last thing that he gives him before the happily ever after: He gives him parameters. Can I prove it to you? Genesis 2:16: „But the Lord God warned him, 'You may freely eat of the fruit of every tree in the garden, except'—everybody say except—'except the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. If you eat that fruit, you will surely die.'“
Now, this is the part where people get bothered. This is the part where people stop listening and start getting frustrated at what’s happening. Why would a loving God give us parameters? Why would God not just let us do what our hearts desire? It’s the same reason that any parent doesn’t let their child do anything that they want to do, even if it seems fun to them. It’s for their protection. Somebody needs to write this down: „Parameters are for protection.“ Everything that God has not allowed you to do and everything that has not worked was not a punishment; it was for protection. God knew how much you could handle. God saw you in your position, and He just gave us an „except.“ Many of us gloss over the „except,“ and He’s saying, „You can have a relationship with them, but except, you can’t take it to that level.“ God is saying that when you pass that, you step outside of my parameters for you.
Before I give you a person, that’s why God says—and this is so much revelation right now, because nobody explained it to me—that’s why God says don’t have sex before you get married. It was for protection; it wasn’t a punishment. He was trying to give you parameters so, by the time you found your person, you weren’t used up. He was trying to give you protection so that those things that now you’re praying for healing from, you never had to experience in the first place. That’s the God we serve.
And if my daughter Isabella right now— I know I’m using my kids a lot, but I want you to get an image of a loving God. When my daughter Isabella was like, „Daddy, can I have a car when I turn 16?“ and I was like, „Yeah, matter of fact, I love you so much, you’re six right now; I’m gonna give you your car now. Here’s the key, because your daddy loves you! Go out there and drive it!“
I would be an irresponsible father because I did not set parameters for my daughter. I gave her what was hers but prematurely, and she would go out and be unprotected. The very thought of losing my daughter because of something I gave her, I wonder how God must feel when He gives you the answer to your prayer and then He loses His relationship with you. He gave you the house, and then you stopped talking to him. He blessed your business, and you only come to church on Easter. I wonder what it feels like for us to be in a place where God is saying, „Yo, all of these things that I wanted for Adam, I wanted for you so you can live a happily ever after.“ But if you’re going to live a happily ever after, you’re going to have to get content with working in a happily ever before.
And that’s why 1 Corinthians 10:23 says, „There were some people, like many of y’all, that are about the law right now. You feel like, 'I’m grown! I’m a grown person; I’ve been through life! '“ And these people say, „You say I’m allowed to do anything, but not everything is good for you, and you say I’m allowed to do anything, but not everything is beneficial.“ Can I tell you what the benefit of maturing in God is? It’s when you can do stuff that’s not sin, and you’re so mature now that you’re not even trying to figure out if it’s a sin or not.
You’re not asking, „How many beers can I have before I’m drunk?“ because the Bible says that’s not the point. Let’s go to the reason why you’re sipping. Is it for peace? Because if you need peace, there’s an alternate, and you can still set a good example for your kids. Do you want your kids to seek acknowledgement when they’re going through pressure? Do you want them to run to pills in a bottle, or are you doing that to cope? And God says, „I can trade you; trade me your yoke. Give me your burden; I’ll do something different for you.“ But all of us, many times, never mature to the place where we say, „Is that the line?“ and God’s saying, „I’m trying to set parameters for you that may not even be for your neighbor.“
What happens when God says something for you that doesn’t apply to everybody? Oh, you want to talk about spiritual maturity? You want to talk about when God tells people to give 10% in the Word but tells you to give 15? What happens when God says, „You fast every Thursday,“ even though the church is not on a fast? What happens when God says you should pick up your sister’s kids and love on them because they don’t have a father, and He didn’t tell nobody else to do that? God is saying, „I’m giving you parameters because I’m trying to build something in you.“ God is saying, „I’ll do all of that. I’m so good that I’ll do all of it before a person.“
And that’s what I want everybody to hear me say: We think that our presence with another person would make us feel better, and if we’re in the right place with the right person, everything will be good, and if we get the right person, maybe we can have provision. And, like, hold up—let me conform my personality to theirs. You ever met those people in relationships? Now, whoever they’re dating, they start acting like them? Like, „Are you sea-walking right now? Sally, you were just doing cheer practice. You’re on the pom squad, and now you’re sea-walking because you’re dating Devante? Stop, stop it!“ But this is the key to that thing: If you don’t allow your personality to be defined by God, it will be defined by others. That’s why some of y’all this week are looking on Instagram at celebrities and trying to pick your outfit to get a personality like somebody you were never created to be like. I’m in your business, and I know it. But what I’m saying is, before a person, He wants to give you a personality, and He wants you to start walking in your purpose.
Purpose is a journey; it’s not a destination. You don’t get to purpose; you walk in purpose. That’s the answer somebody needed. Before a person gives you parameters, can I show you why this is so important? Okay, so God gives you His presence, He gives you a place, He gives you provision, and He says, „Yeah, I want them. The hat is right here.“ Then He says, „I’m gonna give them a personality made in my image. I’m gonna start letting them walk in their purpose, and then I’m going to give them parameters.“ It’s not to keep something from them; it’s to keep them from something. And then I’ll give them another person because the other person I’m going to give them is valuable. The other person has purpose, too. The other person is delicate and needs to be handled with care, so I need whoever the person is that they’re dealing with to have a sure foundation because this person is going to carry my anointing.
And the person I’m allowing you to be in a relationship with is going to be filled with things that need to be nurtured and taken care of by somebody who has a sturdy foundation. So why does God want us to have all of these things before a person? It’s because when the two come together, they should be able to support each other. And this is what a good relationship should look like. But what would happen if I took away the presence of God, the place of God, the provision of God? What would happen if I thought, „I don’t really need all of that. I only need a couple of these things“? Like, „I don’t really need to be getting my purpose and walking in my purpose,“ and let my personality be defined by pop culture? Or „I don’t really have any parameters“? If you take away any of the six things that God gave before a person, which one should we take away? Y’all tell me; put it in the chat. Which one? Because some of y’all have different ones; everybody’s not the same.
Oh, come on, let’s be honest. Some of y’all are in the wrong place. You’re in a city right now that God never called you to. Some of you haven’t been in the presence of God in years. Some of you right now are providing for yourselves, and you feel drained. Some of you, your personality—you used to say, „I’d never be this,“ and now you’re doing that every week. Your purpose—you don’t even know what it is anymore. Your parameters—anybody can run up in you and run through you and run with you because you have no parameters. And God said, „Which one do you want me to take?“ The enemy would love for every person in here to be deficient in what God wants to supply before a person.
And what happens is, why do we see so many failed relationships and brokenness after brokenness after brokenness? Because people stop getting in His presence. Now what has happened? Now what has happened? We just took away one ingredient of the plan of God. The things that are valuable are now broken, and what we do is spend the rest of our lives trying to pick up the pieces of relationships that we should have never been in with people who were never built on God’s foundation. So what do we do? We try again, relationship after relationship. „No, no, it’s going to work this time; they’re different.“ They’re different than the last person. They’re different than—what happened? „No, no, I’m going to try again. I started; I’m going to try again.“
The problem, initially, is because you haven’t been healed. When God tries to pour into you, you can’t even hold anything. And this is what many of our lives look like today. And then we try to raise kids out of this. This is where we try to do business from. This is how we try to love the world—broken. And God says, „Hey, this is the reason a person is not where you’re supposed to go. If you would give me your pieces, if you would bring your pieces to me, I’ll trade you.“ I’ll give you a new life. I will take everything that the enemy meant for evil, and I will turn it. „Any man that be in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away; behold, I’m making everything new.“
I feel the presence of God in here. And then He says, „That’s why I fill you up again.“ This is the grace of God, by the way. See, the grace of God looks at your broken pieces and says, „I’ll give you another chance.“ The grace of God looks at everything that you messed up and you squandered over and says, „I’ll give you another chance.“ The problem is we act foolish after God heals us, and instead of going back to the person again that is filled with the foundation of God, we keep finding all of these people who are missing an element that God wanted to give all of us before the person.
Everybody say, „Before the person.“ When you get married, young man, young woman, old man, old woman, know your identity in God. Have your personality in Him. If you pray, pray out loud. Don’t let your husband or your wife, at a moment, you may think, „Oh, that’s too much! Sorry, I’m sorry! This is who I am, and I will not be ashamed of the person I’m supposed to love. I won’t let my partner define me.“ But if you do, if you allow them to dictate your identity, you take the personality that God intended for you and distort it; you take it away.
No, no, no, let’s do this quickly. Let’s hope that if we rush through it, it won’t be that noticeable. If it’s not obvious, if nobody can see the emptiness, the poured-out brokenness, as we try to navigate our way through life, what happens? All of us go through this life, „Oh no, oh God, didn’t break this time! Let me try again!“ But this time I’m going to settle. God, fill me up! He said, „I can’t, I can’t operate at that level. I intended for this to be something far greater and far bigger.“ Many of us live our entire lives in relationships that settle for less than God’s best. It’s crazy that now everyone has to walk through your mess; people who had nothing to do with it end up stained because you wouldn’t pursue a happily ever after.
All I’m saying to you is I don’t know where you are in your relationship; you may be saying, „I’m married,“ and I thought that meant you weren’t missing out on some of these things. That doesn’t mean your personality may not need to return to His presence. The great thing is He built the answer to everything into the equation. If you’re missing any of these things, you can go back to His presence. If you’re missing your place, if you lack provision, if you don’t know your personality, if you’re searching for purpose, if you’ve gone beyond the parameters—God is saying today, „Get back into my presence!“ The Holy Spirit is urging you to return home because you’ve been seeking a person to fill the void, and no one will ever be able to fulfill what I was meant to fulfill.
What are you trying to say, Pastor Mike? If God isn’t enough, no person ever will be. You can keep searching, running, or trying a hundred more times, but you must gather all of these relationship pieces. Come on, I’m going to try again—second, third, fourth marriage—and God is so good that He says, „If they want to try again, I’m here!“ They want to come at it again and start over. God says, „Hold on! I can’t even find my other cup right now, but can we make this happen again?“ Do you all see? Oh, there it is right there! I need everyone to know that at this moment, in this place, God is saying, „I’ll give you the opportunity to try again, but will you come back to my presence so I can fill you all the way up?“ Here’s the thing about God: He never runs out.
Today, as you’re watching this message, I know it’s taken us a while to get here, but I feel like somebody really needs this. You need to return to God’s presence right now and ask Him to clarify your place. Ask Him to clarify the parameters, the provision, before the person. „God, I need you to clarify these things for me.“ I want to pray for you. If that’s you right now, in any area of your life or any relationship, I want you to lift your hands in your home right now. I feel the presence of God; He’s here.
Father, in the name of Jesus, I’m praying for you right now—lift your hands! Ah, God, I thank you that in this moment right now, Father God, before the person, we know it’s good for us not to be alone and that you desire relationship for us. But Father, before the person, you want something for us. You want us to be in your presence. You want us to be in the place you’ve called us to be. You want us, Father God, to be provided for. You want us to have a personality that reflects you, Father God. You want us to live with purpose and remain within the parameters. God, I’m praying that over my brothers and sisters right now, come on, all over this place, all over the world. God is giving a deep conviction right now to stop moving from the place and get into His presence. God, we trust you and believe in you. I declare that this will be a discovery; that people will have a relationship revelation right now. Father, you will uncover things about them before anyone else. Father God, I thank you that you are revealing a playbook right now on why and how our relationships are going to succeed. For every person who feels frustrated, broken, and hurt several times, God, I thank you right now that you will be the one to heal, deliver, and set them free even in this moment.
If you’re here and you want to accept Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior, this is where you get to exchange your broken pieces and become new. This is what I had to do because I was addicted to pornography, a liar, and a manipulator with horrible things in my heart and mind. God says, „If you just believe in me and know that I’ve already made the payment for this, I will give you a new container.“ Today, God wants that to happen for you. All over the world, people are about to make this decision. Last week, over 550 people gave their life to Christ in a moment just like this, and right now is your moment. Today is the day of salvation. At Transformation Church, we don’t pray alone.
If you’re saying, „Pastor Mike, please include me in that prayer today; I want to give my life to Christ,“ on the count of three, just slip your hand up. You don’t have to confess everything. You don’t have to change; you can belong with God and belong at Transformation Church before you behave. God wants to reach your heart, and then He’ll help you change your habits. But today is the first step. You have to believe in Him by faith. If that’s you, one, you’re making the greatest decision of your life; two, I am proud of you—more than that, God is so proud of you; three, shoot your hand up right now. Listen, I can’t see you, but God can. It doesn’t matter who’s around you right now. You can put your hand down; we’re about to pray, and your life is about to transform in this moment right now. Transformation Nation, can we all pray this prayer out loud for the benefit of our brothers and sisters who are coming to God? Everybody, say:
God, thank you for sending Jesus just for me. Thank you that you desire a relationship with me before any person. Today, I believe you lived and died just for me. Change me, renew me, transform me. I’m yours, in Jesus' name. Amen.