Joyce Meyer - Anger Management - Part 4

TOPICS: Anger, Emotions, Self-Control

Let's just talk about five roots of anger, where does it come from? Were you born angry? No. Doesn't take long, you know? "Bah"! Angry people, first of all, may come from angry families. If you live in an angry house, which I did. How many of you grew up in an angry household? Okay, well, most people who grow up in a angry household, they either try to get stronger than the angry people or they cower down under it and just let them control them. In an angry household, everybody deals with everything with anger. If you want something, you're not getting it, get angry. If you're potty training the little boy and he doesn't go where he's supposed to, get angry. If the television stops working, get angry. Everything is anger, anger, anger.

And that's the way my dad lived his life, angry, angry, angry, angry. And then my mother was the other extreme of never dealing with anything. So, I had it from both angles. And I left home when I was 18 and this is important for you to hear, thinking that I was now free. "Boy, I am getting out of here when I'm 18 and I will be free. It will be over". Well, see, I spent another, I don't know how many years having all kinds of personality problems and manifesting all kinds of wrong, junkie behavior, some of it the same kind of behavior that my father had manifested and not having, I thought it was everybody else. "Well, I wouldn't be angry if you would do what I wanted you to. I wouldn't be angry if you paid more attention to me. I wouldn't be angry if you paid me more on my job".

Now, come on, if that's where you're at today, you're blaming your anger on somebody else, that kind of anger is just a sneaky way to not take responsibility for your behavior. See, God offers us a life filled with the power of the Holy Spirit where no matter what somebody does, you can trust him to deal with it and you can stay happy while he's doing it. Is that not a great deal? Wow. And I tell ya what, it was years and years before I realized that although I left the problem, I took the problem with me etched in my soul. It was in all my thinking. It was in my will. It was in my emotions. It was in how I dealt with relationships. It was in the way I talked. And so, until we let Jesus deal with what's going on inside of us, we never really have the freedom that he wants us to have. But you know what? He is the healer of what? The brokenhearted.

Actually, I want us to go look at those scriptures because abuse of any kind can cause deep-rooted, repressed anger, just angry about the way you've been treated in life. You're angry about the love you didn't get, angry about the things that people said, angry about the things that people didn't say. You may even be in a situation in your marriage where you're angry that you feel like everybody else in the family takes advantage of you and all they ever do is want you to do something for them but they never think about doing something for you. And I'm getting a little action out there now, aren't i? "Oh yeah, amen, sister". Well, that's next on my list but let me finish this one. Don't spend another day of your life giving up your joy because somebody else doesn't do what they should be doing.

"The spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed and qualified me to preach the Gospel of good tidings to the meek, the poor, and the afflicted". Jesus was sent for people that are hurting. "He has sent me to bind up and heal the brokenhearted," isn't that wonderful? "To proclaim liberty to the captives and the opening of the prison and of the eyes to those who are bound". So, you know what I'm doing today? I'm telling you the prison doors are already open and hopefully the word that I'm speaking is opening your eyes to the fact that the doors are open. If you want to know the truth, I think that a message like this or any version of it is probably one of the top ten messages that we need to hear on some kind of a semi-regular basis because it is so easy.

Now, listen what I'm gonna say. It is so easy to feel justified in our anger. And yet there is no justification for it because God does not stay angry. He forgives and so he gives us the ability to do the same thing but it's a choice that we have to make. It is a choice. Verse 2, "He sent me to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord [the year of his favor] and the day," I love this, "Of the vengeance of our God". So, I'm here to tell you today that God will vindicate you and he's here to comfort all who mourn. There's a supernatural comfort today for those of you that are brokenhearted. Wow. God can get to places that no person can get to. Amen? You're gonna feel better just because you were here today. You are gonna feel better just because you were here. You will. You're gonna have a better week because you took time to come here this weekend.

I don't care even if you think, "Well, you know, I'm not an angry person". You know, my husband's not an angry person, but that doesn't mean he doesn't need to hear this. Just because you're not a violent, angry person, I mean if you don't need anything I say, just enjoy the atmosphere. Just soak up the anointing. If you don't have a problem now, you're getting insurance for the future. He gives us an exchange. "He comes to grant [consolation and joy] to those who mourn in Zion," now watch this, "To give them beauty instead of ashes". I love it. One of my first books that I wrote was entitled, "Beauty for ashes". But you know what? You can't have the beauty and keep the ashes, that's one of the biggest mistakes that we make.

"Well, I'm gonna hang on to these ashes in case I want to have a pity day. I'm gonna hang on to these ashes in case I feel like spending today angry. But Lord, I'd like to have the beauty too". No, it's a divine exchange. You give him all the junk that you've got and he gives you all the glory that he's got. You release it and you let it go. "Beauty for ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a heavy, burdened, and a failing spirit". Who would not want to come to the cross and meet Jesus and get in on this kind of divine exchange? Amen? "That they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified". Look at verse 7, "Instead of your [former] shame you shall have a twofold recompense," or to put it plainly, a double reward.

I'll tell ya what, I had a really bad childhood, but I am just having a great time now. I mean, I could have been bitter and wasted my whole life and probably been married seven or eight times because nobody could have put up with me more than a few weeks. And Dave has been married to 20 different women in the 48 years we've been married. Because I just keep changing, and keep changing, and keep changing, and keep changing. I mean, he gets a surprise about every 2 or 3 months. It's funny now because Dave hugs me. I mean, he's very affectionate. And he hugs me every morning and he'll say, "Oh, how's my sweetie pie this morning"? And I think, I would have never thought 40 years ago that anybody would have ever sincerely thought I was sweet. I mean, I just had a hardness in my soul because of what was done to me. I mean, it's tough when your father's abusing you and your mother won't rescue you. That's like, what's left?

And many of you have been through even many worse things than that, but even if it wasn't something as terrible as that, people are not created to be used, and abused, and hurt. They're created for love, and kindness, and help, and mercy, and goodness. And you can see exactly what the devil wants. He wants to hurt you so you will spend your life hurting everybody else that you come around so then they will get angry and hurt everybody else that they're around, and that's exactly what we have going on in the world today. Come on, we are living in a violent society. And we have to be determined as the church that we are gonna be a bright, shining light and not be that way. "I'll give you a double recompense for your former trouble". And verse 8 says, "For I the Lord love justice. I the Lord love justice".

Look at the end of verse 7. It says, let's just read the whole thing. "Instead of your [former] shame you'll have a twofold recompense: instead of dishonor and reproach [your people] shall rejoice in their portion. Therefore in their land", not when they die and go to heaven, "In their land they shall possess double [what they forfeited]. And everlasting joy shall be theirs". But we've gotta rewind for a minute and go back to giving up the ashes. See, we can't just take the promise part. Are you willing to give up your ashes today and every day of your life?

The third root of anger can be unmet needs. You know, we all have legitimate needs and we have a right to expect them to be met. Some of the needs that we have is rest, laughter, encouragement, appreciation, the freedom to be yourself. Lord, have mercy, that's something Dave gives me and I love it. I mean, I am a little bit feisty, but he likes it. I mean, he'll say sometimes if I get a little bit, you know, maybe out on the edge he'll say, "Oh, there's that old fire I married you for". And you know why I think God gives him the grace to do that? Because God knows what I went through, just like he knows what you went through, and God knows that you're doing your best, and that you're growing and you may not have arrived but you're on your way. And I believe that God will cover you and give you grace with people as long as you're pressing into him. Whoo! Unmet needs. You have a right to enjoy things and you have to right to make choices and not to be controlled.

Now, here's the problem though, a lot of people don't get their needs met in their relationships, whether you got into a relationship you shouldn't have been in to start with... Just sayin'. Desperate people do desperate things. I was desperate when I was 18. I married the first guy that showed me any attention at all because I was afraid nobody would ever want me and I knew when I did it, it was gonna be a nightmare and sure enough, it was another 5-year nightmare on top of the 18-year nightmare I'd already had. Desperate people do desperate things. And if you've already done something desperate, then we're gonna pray for God to help you. But if you are on the verge of doing something desperate, we're gonna pray for you to hear what the spirit of the Lord is saying to you today, "Don't do it".

Fear is the root cause of a lot of anger. Number four, fear. Let's go to 1 Samuel 17. Let me show you just one man's story, and you'll get it. 1 Samuel 17:28, all the men of the army of Israel were running, frightened because of Goliath. Nobody would face him. Nobody would confront him. David, the little shepherd boy who nobody really seemed to respect that much, sure had a mighty relationship with God. And so he thought maybe he could do somethin' about Goliath. It's amazing, when you hang out with God, you get quite bold and courageous. But he had older brothers that were some of the ones that weren't doing anything about Goliath. And so, in verse 28, it says: "Now Eliab his elder brother heard what he said to the men: and Eliab's anger was kindled against David and he said to him, 'why did you come down here? With whom have you left those few sheep in the wilderness'"? Right away, he's trying to belittle him and make him feel like he's unimportant. "I know your presumption and the evilness of your heart: for you have only come down here that you might see the battle". And verse 29: "And David said, 'what have I done now'"?

So you know what that tells me? David was used to this kind of treatment. Come on, maybe you grew up in a family where you were not the favorite sibling or the favorite child. You didn't get the best grades or there were things that other siblings got attention for that you couldn't do and you didn't get that. Well, you can spend your life now hating them because they didn't treat you right, or you can turn your attention to God and know that true promotion comes from him. And if you give up the ashes, he can give you double blessing for your former trouble. Ooh, I like this, merciful day. 1 Samuel 18:6. "As they were coming home, when David returned from killing the Philistines", well, now he's workin' with Saul. He's in Saul's army and they were returning from a battle. "And the women came out of the Israelite towns, singing and dancing, to meet king Saul with timbrels, songs of joy, and instruments of music. And the women responded as they laughed and frolicked, saying, 'Saul has slain his thousands, but David his ten thousands'".

Now, let me tell ya. You would've had to have been one really secure king for that not to bother you. And actually, God wants us to have that kind of security. He doesn't want us to have to feel like that we've gotta dislike somebody else because they seem to be liked a little bit more than we are, come on. Look at me. You don't have to live in competition with anybody. Have your own life. Have your own relationship with God. Let God do what he wants to do with you without comparing yourself with anybody else. Verse 8: "And Saul was very", what? What's our word today? "And Saul was very angry, for the saying displeased him:" he didn't like the song. "And he said, 'well, you've given to David ten thousand, and to me only a thousand. What more now can he have but the kingdom'? And Saul [jealously] eyed David from that day forward. And the next day an evil spirit from God came mightily on Saul, and he raved [madly] in the house". Verse 11: "And Saul cast the javelin, for he thought, 'i will pin David to the wall'. And David evaded him twice".

Here's the thing. If you keep a good heart, I don't care who tries to come after you, they will not be able to hurt you. God will deliver you every time. And I'm not sayin' it won't hurt. I'm not sayin' it won't be challenging, but God is our deliverer. However, let's rewind. You gotta give up the ashes. And the ashes represent the bitterness. I mean, you know, David could have been like, "Well," he could have been mad at God. "What? What? You stick me in this house with this crazy king, and he's gonna throw spears at me all day"? But you know what I noticed with David? Saul threw spears at him for years, but David never threw spears back.

Come on, come on, there's more there than you're getting, amen. The important thing is not whether your Saul is throwing spears at you, but whether or not you're throwing spears back. And, you know, you know the story. I mean, Saul tried to kill David for years and years and years, and God just kept protecting him, kept protecting him, kept protecting him. I mean, David would not touch the Lord's anointed. He wouldn't talk about him badly. He wouldn't come against him. He had opportunity to kill him. He wouldn't do it. He put his self in God's hands, and God exalted him to the throne, and he became one of the greatest kings. Do you wanna be angry? Or great?

The last, the fifth root of anger is feeling like you're being controlled. Boy, does that make people mad, whoo. I mean, my dad controlled everything. And, you know, of course, you can imagine what that was like for me 'cause I had a strong personality anyway. And people that are strong in personality really can't stand to be controlled. And I mean, he controlled everything: what you watched on tv, what you didn't, what time you went to bed, what time you got up. I mean, everything, he controlled it. Well, if you have somebody controlling you, it is wrong. It is wicked. It is evil. But if you won't confront them, it's just as wrong. To be honest with ya, there are people that will treat you good even if you don't insist that they do. But the biggest majority of people, and sadly, even Christian people, they'll probably give you whatever you'll put up with. If you say, "Yes," all the time and you never say, "No," then all of a sudden, you say, "No," if they're used to hearing, "Yes," all the time, it's probably gonna make 'em mad.

See, God finally told me I had to go confront my dad. And, man, I didn't wanna do that. I mean, I'd been gone from the house for years, and the subject had never been talked about. Everybody hid from it. Everybody ignored it. Man, I didn't wanna do it 'cause I still had fear of him. And when the time came, God said, "It's time," I went, and I shook so hard through the whole thing that it was pathetic. But I just told him, I said, "We have to talk about this. You were wrong in what you did to me. It was wrong". And he tried to make a bunch of silly excuses. I said, "No, you were wrong. You controlled me with fear, and it was wrong". And there wasn't a whole lot more to it than that, but there was a breakthrough for me and a freedom for me in finally confronting the situation.

Now, I'm not tryin' to tell you what you need to do. But let me just tell ya, don't let people manipulate you and control you and use you and abuse you. You know why? You are valuable. You have got worth and value. God loves you. He's created you for a good purpose. He wants you to have a good life. And the devil will always try to provide somebody that's gonna try to take that away from you. And you have a God-given right, through the power of the Holy Spirit, and the leadership of the Holy Spirit, at the right time, you need to stand up for yourself and confront and say, "No". And that is not not trusting God. That's being led by the Holy Spirit, amen? So, don't spend your life angry. Don't go around with a bunch of hidden, repressed anger, takin' things out on everybody that you come around. It's time to let go of your box, amen?