Joyce Meyer - How Can I Change My Spouse? (08/21/2019)
Joyce Meyer teaches from James 4:6-10 that God gives more grace—His Holy Spirit power—to overcome evil tendencies like not putting Him first, urging believers to humbly depend on God for change rather than self-effort, trust Him in relationships, and stay committed even in difficult seasons for true transformation and enjoyment of life.
God Gives More Grace to Overcome Evil Tendencies
Going on to James 4, 6 through 10. But he gives us more and more grace. What the Amplified Bible says next was extremely life-changing for me. Power of the Holy Spirit to meet this evil tendency and all others fully. God gives us more and more grace, power of the Holy Spirit to meet every evil tendency in our life. So, he's saying this tendency to not keep God first is evil. And if you want to make sure that you do keep God first in your life, then it's not just something you can do by determination, although that is part of it. You need God's grace, which is his power.
Stop Relying on Works of the Flesh
Well, when I read this many years ago, I was about to kill myself with works of the flesh. And works of the flesh are works that don't work. They're our energy trying to do what only God can do. In other words, maybe you're a wife, you've got a husband that's not saved, and you're working real hard trying to get him saved. Well, useless. Spend that same amount of effort praying and being a good example in front of him. Come on. And then that might make a difference.
You hear everything that I've said this weekend, and hopefully you're going to remember a few things when you go home. And you're here because you love God. You're here because you want to do what's right. You wouldn't waste your time being here on a Saturday morning if you weren't a serious seeker after God. So you are going to want to go home and do some of the things that you've heard me say that you should do. That's going to be a natural desire. But I am going to tell you that if you go home and just try to do them, you're wasting your time.
Your Part: Depend on God for Real Change
You say, well, what am I supposed to do? Well, first you go home and you have a little meeting with God and with yourself. Now, Lord, I heard a lot this weekend and I needed all of it and I really want to change. I want to be what you want me to be. But I'm just going to tell you right now, God, I cannot change myself. I need you to do the work in me that needs to be done. I put my confidence in you. I put my faith in you.
You say, well, do I have a part? Absolutely, you have a part. Your part is to study the Word, especially in the area where you have a weakness. And secondly, to spend as much time with Jesus as you possibly can, because the more you hang out with somebody, the more you begin to act like them. People that listen to a lot of my CDs or watch the program all the time, sometimes their relatives will say, I feel like I'm living with you. Every time I turn around, my wife's saying something that sounds just like you now. Or whatever, you know.
Transformation Happens by Spending Time with Jesus
And so, how many of you agree with that? If you're around somebody, you start to pick up their habits. Well, the more we hang out with Jesus, the Bible says that we are changed into His image. Transformed and changed into His image from glory to glory to glory. It doesn't happen all at once. I hear the Word. I have a desire to change. I lean on God. I trust Him. I study in that area. Pretty soon, I'm like, wow. Wow, I'm doing better in that area.
Now, the next mistake you can make is getting proud of yourself. You should be saying, God, I know you did that. And I'm grateful for you. And not only am I grateful that you changed me, but I'm trusting you now to keep me. Let me tell you something. It was a major change in my life when I stopped trying to change myself and started trusting God to do it. And along with that, and my family was grateful, I learned that I also could not change other people.
You Can't Change Others – Leave It to God
How many of you, your families would be grateful if you would come home with that new knowledge? That you are not Holy Ghost Junior, and it's not your job. I'll give you a piece of information. God has not given you the job of running the world. Let's stop trying to manage everybody else until we can first manage ourselves real well. Oh, my goodness. It's so hard not to try to make people be the way we'd like them to be. Oh, goodness. And that's what causes strife. That's what causes fights. People do not want to be manipulated and controlled. They want to be accepted for who they are.
And I'm not talking about not confronting sin. I'm not talking about not dealing with issues that need to be dealt with. But I'm talking about a lot of the stuff that people fight over is just personality differences. Amen? He gives us more and more grace. Power of the Holy Spirit to meet this evil tendency and all others fully. That's why he says that God sets himself against the proud and the haughty. But he gives grace continually to the lowly, those who are humble enough to receive it.
Pride Loses Victories – Humility Receives Grace
So the proud man, the haughty man, thinks he can do it himself. And it's really interesting. If you listen to somebody that's had a victory over something, and if they don't keep in mind that God was the one that gave them that victory, they either lose it, or you hear them always giving other people advice in that area. Because now if you do what I did, and they don't always work either. You know what God does in one person's life may not be the way he deals with another person at all in their life.
Humble enough to receive it. The humble man says, help me God, about 2,000 times a day. Help me Lord, help me, help me, help me. You don't honestly think that I get up here without asking God to help me, do you? And I've done this for 30 years over and over and over and over and over again. You would think I could do it in my sleep, but I am not stupid. If God doesn't show up, we're finished.
Enjoy Life Even with Problems – A Little Humor Helps
There were two old people laying in bed. Like really old. And they were each on their own side of the bed. And the lady said to the man, she said, I remember when you used to hold my hand at night. So, little sigh, here comes this little crinkly hand across the bed. Takes her hand. Laid there for a minute. Like most women, wasn't satisfied with that, wanted more. She said, you know, I remember when you used to hold me in your arms at night. And we took him a while, you know, finally wiggled over there and moaned and groaned, getting everything to work while he got her in his arms.
And she laid there for a couple minutes. And then she said, you know, I remember when you used to nibble on my ear at night. He said, all of a sudden he jumped up, started going somewhere. She said, where are you going? He said, well, I got to get my teeth. Amen? I have no idea why I stopped in the middle of my message to tell you jokes, but... I mean, you know, whatever works.
Don't Wait for Perfect Life to Enjoy It
See, my point is, is you still have your problem. But you had a good laugh, it kind of aired everything out. You feel a little, took away a little bit of the stress, a little bit of the pressure. Stop thinking that you cannot enjoy your life until all of your problems are over with. A strong Christian who's standing in Christ and walking in God can enjoy their life because it's the will of God for them to enjoy it. And that doesn't mean you're living on vacation, but it means that you're living in the rest of God.
You can enjoy life because you can look at this person that needs to change and say, you know what? I can't change you. God can. I believe He wants me to stay committed. So here's the thing. I hope He changes you. But even if He doesn't, I'm going to be happy anyway.
Dave's Example Turned Joyce Around
You hear me talk quite a bit if you watch the program a lot about the early years of mine and Dave's marriage and just how messed up I was. And you know, people that are hurting inside are unhappy. And when you're unhappy, you usually take it out on somebody else. And you know, Dave tried for a while to keep me happy. And finally, one day, he just looked at me and he said, you know what? No matter what I do, you're still not happy. So I'm finished trying.
I wasn't sure what that meant. But you know, Dave was still very good to me and kind to me. And he'd love me when I would let him, but he went about enjoying his life. And oh, that infuriated me. Honestly, because miserable people want to make other people miserable. That's their goal. They're miserable and they want everybody around them to be miserable. And you're doing the total wrong thing if you play into that.
Be Salt and Light in Difficult Relationships
What you need to do is give them an example, a quiet, loving example of what life can be like with Christ. And you know what finally really turned me around? Dave's consistency, his peace, and his joy became salt and light to me. And I thought, I want that. Now, if he would have just gotten unhappy with me, I would have never seen what I could have had.
So if you're in a difficult relationship, has it ever occurred to you that you're there for ministry? You're not getting that. I mean, seriously. If you're in a difficult relationship, if you're at a difficult job where you're the only believer. Well, God, I'm the only believer. You've got to get me out of here. Really? I thought you were the one that prayed for God to use you.
God's Call and Dave's Faithfulness
I mean, do you realize what Dave, by God's grace, has done for the kingdom? I believe I was called from my mother's womb. My father started sexually abusing me when I was just a tiny little girl. My mother didn't do anything about it because she was afraid of him. My parents named me Pauline Joyce Meyer, which means little preacher with a joyful spirit. And from the get-go, the devil tried to destroy me.
I married the first young man that came along because I thought nobody would ever want me, and he had more problems than me if that was possible. I had one child from that relationship named him David. Met Dave when he was nine months old. Dave was a strong, spirit-filled believer, praying for a wife, dating three girls. He believed faith without works was dead. Met me. I was outside washing my mother's car. Had on shorts. He thought I was good-looking. Said, hey, when you're finished washing that car, you want to wash mine? I said, if you want your car washed, wash it yourself. And he said the thing that went off in him was, that's the girl for me.
Don't Give Up – Victory May Be Coming
Now, but now listen, here's what Dave had been praying. He'd been praying, God, I'm ready to get married. He was 26. He wanted to get married. He said, I want to get married. I want a wife. And make it somebody that needs help. Come on, most of you ladies that want to get married, you got a spiritual giant picked out with all the six-pack and the muscles in the right places and good-looking and tall and a spiritual giant. You know, you got to, you know, you're not going to have anything else. Well, did it ever occur to you say, God, use me.
Now, I'm not suggesting you could, you should go marry some sinful unbeliever. But I believed in God. Dave said to me, will you go to church with me? And I said, yes. I just had been hurt so bad, nothing was making any sense to me. And he had a strong walk with God. And because he had a strong walk with God, he could stand firm, be stable, continue to walk in love, be peaceful. He lived in the rest of God. And eventually, his witness and testimony made me hungry for what he had. And here we are today.
Stay Committed – What If You Give Up Too Soon?
Now, I'm feeling something here today. I mean, what if he would have just said, I ain't putting up with this. I'm out of here. I mean, nobody really could have blamed him. But he said sometimes he would go out by himself and just sit in the car and cry. Because it was so hard at home. But he would say, God, I know that you can change her. God, I know that you can change her. And then he'd come back and just be stable some more.
I wonder sometimes what we really give up when we give up. Did you hear me? I said, I wonder sometimes what we really give up when we give up. Now, obviously, there's times when no relationship's going to work out. I'm not suggesting that anybody sit around and be abused or be terribly mistreated or you let your children be abused. That's not what I'm talking about.
Be Led by the Spirit – Even into the Wilderness
I'm talking about following your heart. I'm talking about really being led by the Holy Spirit. Listen, I was in a church one time that I wanted to get out of. Because God had called me into ministry and they were shutting me down every which way that I could turn. And I wanted to leave. But I was going to leave angry. And God said, not yet. You know, sometimes you've got to stay places that you'd rather get out of. Come on. And sometimes you've got to go places you'd rather not be. And then sometimes when you'd like to stay, God tells you to leave. Because he's got better use for you somewhere else.
So we say we want to be led by the Spirit. But what happens when he leads us into the wilderness instead of the mountaintop? No answers. Jesus was led of the Holy Spirit out into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil 40 days and 40 nights. He went through a test. And he proved that he was not going to quit and he was not going to give up. He was going to stand strong in God. And then immediately after that, his ministry, his public ministry started with signs and wonders and all kinds of power.
You don't know what's on the other side of your trouble. Let's live for God. Let's live for eternity. Let's don't be one of these kind of people that all we live for is instant, immediate gratification. If it doesn't feel good to me right now, then I'm out of here.