Joyce Meyer - The People-Pleasing Disease - Part 2
- Watch
- Audio
- Donate
- How to know Jesus
I found myself doing so many favors for so many people that then I still had to do everything I needed to do to keep Joyce Meyer Ministries running and operating right. And we wanna do favors for people, but you can only do so much. And anybody that wants to hear "Yes" is not gonna like hearing "No". But if people, now, you gotta hear this, if people really love you, if they're true friends and they really love you, they will want you to follow God, not them.
I've had a couple of occasions where I've asked people to do something and they said, "I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to say, 'no'. I just don't feel like it's what God wants me to do," and I'm like, "Hey, that's great, I want you to follow God". If you really love people, you're gonna want them to follow God, not you, if what you want is not what God wants. Amen? So, don't put that pressure on people, just to try to get 'em to do what you want them to do. Encourage them to hear from God. Matthew 6:1-7. These scriptures are almost comical, but there's a great lesson in 'em. "Take care not to do your good deeds publicly or before men, in order to be seen by them..." Now, they may see you, but you're not to do them so they see you. "Otherwise, you will have no reward [reserved for and awaiting you] With and from your father who is in heaven". Hmm.
Quick story I can tell you. Many years ago... How many of you remember the big rhinestone Jesus pins? Anybody alive back then? Okay. Me and Dodie. Did you ever wear a Jesus pin? Well, I did: I had a great big one. And one day I was getting my nails done, there was a nurse in there, and it was a real small shop. There was only two girls that worked in there. And the one lady was a nurse, and she was talking about how hard it was to have these patients that were so sick and not be allowed to pray for them or, you know, talk to them about Jesus. And so, I had this great idea, "Give her your Jesus pin, and just tell her if she wears that on her uniform, just when she bends over the patients to care for them, just seeing that name will bless them and help them".
Now, that sounds anointed, don't it? And so, I knew God wanted me to just not make a big deal out of it, you know, just simply do it. And I didn't know how I was gonna do it and do it in secret because the girl was sitting there working on me. And all of a sudden, she said, "Oh, I ran out of a certain product. I've gotta run next door," is where the supply house was, "And get this product". So, there, God opened the door wide open for me to do it and not make a big deal out of it. But I sat there and waited till she got back because my motive was, "I wanted to be well thought of". I didn't know that at the time, but, so, I waited and then I gave the lady the Jesus pin, told her what I felt like God told me and sure enough, I got what I wanted.
Everybody said, "Oh, you're so nice! That is so, how generous. That is so great"! And when I left the shop, God spoke to me very clearly and he said, "I hope you enjoyed that because that's all you're getting". You see, we give up our reward that would come from God by taking some little something from people because we want to impress them and half the time the people we're trying to impress don't care anything about us anyway. Hmm. You know how freeing it is to get to the point where you're not living to impress people? My goodness, what pressure it takes off of you. Remember, not many people have the ability to be brutally self-honest about why they're doing things. "Otherwise, you'll have no reward from God", and it goes on through here.
It's hard to believe they actually did this, but I guess they did. "So, when you give to the poor, don't blow a trumpet before you, like the hypocrites in the synagogues and streets like to do". Could you imagine if I stood up here and...? "I'm gonna give an offering now"! And they did it to "Be recognized and honored and praised by men. Truly, I tell you, they have their reward in full already". See, that was all they got. They lost their reward from God. "But when you give to charity, don't even let your left hand know what your right hand's doing". And I never really fully understood that.
So, you know, when you don't understand something, talk to God about it. I said, "What does that mean? Don't let your left hand know what your right hand's doing". And he just told me, "After you do something good, don't go home and in your mind wallow in the thoughts of how good you were". See, love just stays in the shadows until it's needed and then it slips out, does what it needs to do, and then slips back into the shadows until it's needed again. Love doesn't blow a trumpet. It says to "Pray in secret, God will reward you in the open". If you're a person that's called as an intercessor and God really has anointed you, and you can pray three, four, five hours, don't tell anybody.
"Oh, it's not nearly so much fun if we don't tell anybody". How much fun it is to go to breakfast with sister, super, new Christian? And of course, the subject of prayer will come up. And you'll ask her, "So how's your prayer life"? Well, she's a new Christian. I mean, she prays five minutes and thinks she's died and gone to heaven. And so, she says, "Yeah, I pray about five, ten minutes every morning". "Oooh". And then, she says, "Well, is something wrong"? "Well, I pray four hours every morning". We love to find a way to tell people what we're doing.
You know, I have to admit, when I'm coming here, sometimes, I like to tell people. Matter of fact, I just realized somebody text me during the break. Somebody I haven't heard from in a long time and said, "I just want you to know that God has me especially praying for you this morning". And I text back and said, "Yeah, I'm at Lakewood this morning". I don't know, maybe if I would have been at a church in Podunk, Arkansas preaching to ten people, I wouldn't have done that.
Come on. You know, it's hard to live and not want to impress people. But it's not good for us to do it. At least I'm being brutally honest in front of all of you. And I love this too: "And when you pray, don't heap up phrases (multiply words, repeating the same ones over and over)", you know, praying long isn't nearly as good as praying effective. Matter of fact, I remember one time God told me, "From now on, I want you to ask me for what you want and need in as few words as possible". You know how hard it is when you sin just to simply say, "God, I did this, and I know it was wrong: please forgive me"? No, we gotta, "Oh God, forgive me! God, forgive me, oh God, forgive me, o, God".
It's amazing how some people... I remember one woman in particular, I mean this woman when she started praying, she became a totally different person. "Oh, thou most holy God". Okay, I'll shut up before I get in trouble. 1 Corinthians 3:11-15 is a wonderful, wonderful four scriptures about motives. "For no one can lay any foundation other than that which has [already] Been laid, which is Jesus Christ". So, he's the beginning of everything. He's the foundation on which everything else is built. If it's not done to and with and for him, then it's useless.
"But if anybody builds on that foundation", so, he's the foundation and we will build on the foundation, but we have several different materials we can build with. "Gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, and stubble or straw", so, obviously, we should go for the gold, right? Which would be perfectly pure motives. Of course, I guess, if you get down to straw, then you're what I've been saying we shouldn't be. "Each one's work", now get this, "Each one's work will be clearly shown [for what it is]: for the day [of judgment]", which is coming, "Will disclose it, because it will be revealed with fire".
The Bible's depicted Jesus as having eyes of fire. And I just see this Judgment Day as passing before those eyes of fire and God being able to see right through everything we did to exactly why we did it. And it says, "Everything that was done with a wrong motive will be burned up and the reward of it will be totally lost". It says, "He will suffer the loss [of his reward]: yet he himself will be saved, but only as [one who has barely escaped] Through fire". So, we won't lose our salvation because of wrong motives, but we will lose the reward that we could have had. You know, I don't know, a scripture just really hit me the other day that everything we see is temporal.
Paul said he doesn't get, he said, "I don't get upset about the trials we're going through". He called them a "Light, momentary affliction". Then he said, "Because we look to the unseen, not to the seen, because everything seen is temporal and passing away. Everything unseen is eternal". And it just hit me that everything I see, everything we think we own, everything we have, we ourselves, everybody we know, we're not gonna be here forever. Every time you buy something, take it home, it's already in the process of decay. You give it a little while and it'll be a mess. But everything we can't see is what we should be living for.
Ginger Stache: Joyce, I really think people are going to like this candid conversation topic, today. But we have to be very careful how we describe it. Because, of course everyone loves their children, but there are times that we don't like them very well. So, today, we wanna talk about those times, different phases in people's lives, when maybe, there's something you're going through with a child that you just don't like them very well, right now. Have you ever had any times like that?
Joyce Meyer: Oh, no. My children were all perfect and I just loved 'em to pieces.
Ginger Stache: I remember telling my children, "I love you, but I just don't like you, right now".
Joyce Meyer: There's probably things about each one of my children that I didn't like, but two of them, in particular, I had some major issues with. Now, keeping in mind that I was still having some major issues myself, especially, with my oldest son. I loved him, but I just didn't like him, because he just, I didn't know why, at the time, but I found out since that it was because he was just like me. And so, we were constantly clashing because we were both the type a, driven, "I'm gonna have my way, don't try to tell me what to do" type thing. And I don't care what I cooked for dinner, he didn't like it. And, you know, he was one of the teenagers that rolled his eyes back in his head and slumped in his bed. And, you know, I remember him telling me, one time, "Well, if you wouldn't have been the way you were, I wouldn't be the way I am". So, we had a rough go. I mean, I have to say when he moved away from home, he went to Florida to go to school to be a missionary, and I was just so glad.
Ginger Stache: And that's okay to say, right?
Joyce Meyer: Well, yeah.
Ginger Stache: I mean, there are times that we're struggling with our children, the relationships change in different ways as the children age, and sometimes, we need a break!
Joyce Meyer: Well, now, he runs our world missions program. And, you know, I can say that I get along great with all my children, now. They all love me to pieces. I mean, I would say that there's a lot of days when I talk to every single one of them. My one daughter, which was the one that I had such a hard time with, when she was growing up, which I'll tell you about in a minute. First thing she does, every morning, when she wakes up, is call me. A lot of times, she'll still be in bed when she calls me. And she was just messy. You know, she was very passive and laid-back, and hated school, and just barely got by. And, you know, I was real ms. Neat and tidy. And you know, I remember those speeches, "If you're gonna live in my house..." "You're gonna keep this room clean"! I remember, Dave, finally said, one time, he said, "You tell me the things that you absolutely cannot put up with and I'll make her do them. Other than that, you have to stop this, because," he said, "All you two do is fight all the time". And honestly, we had argued so much, by the time she left home, she did not call me or speak to me for six months after she got married.
Ginger Stache: And now, she does every day.
Joyce Meyer: Well, now, she, you know, she actually, helps take care of me. You know, this morning, I had, was a trouble, problem with my phone. She just got in her car and came over and fixed it for me. And we're just real close now. And you know, I have four children. My oldest son, David, and I had a lot of issues with him when he was growing up. It was challenging but a lot of it was because he was just like me. And to be honest, I didn't like myself. And I think a lot of times, you know, the child that if you don't like yourself, you're not going to like the child that's like you. And then, also, the ones that are totally opposite of you, that can be an issue too, because you expect them to do things... See, I was ms. Neat and tidy, so I expected her to clean up. And I always say, "When Laura came home from school, you could see a trail". She'd drop her coat, drop her books, you know, half the time she couldn't find things. But there were good times, too.
Ginger Stache: Right.
Joyce Meyer: You know, it wasn't like, everything was bad. You know, we did things with our kids. I remember when she was in "Brownies" and she'd put on her little brownie outfit and I would take her to brownies. And I think, especially, and if there's any teenagers watching, please, don't be offended. But I think, especially, when kids are going through the teenage years, they're starting to want their freedom. And that's something God puts in them. They're starting to pull away. They have more opinions. They're quick to give 'em to you. They're kind of not wanting people tell them what to do anymore, and you're not finished telling them what to do now. I mean, I remember, like her and I having a big argument over, bikinis were becoming a thing. Well, she wanted a two-piece bathing suit. I told her she could get a two-piece, but it wasn't going to be a bikini. And she found one that I thought was too, I mean, we just had the biggest fight over that. But it's all worked out. Six months after she was married, she came to my house and she sat down, and she said, "You know what? You were right about everything". Ugh, that was a wonderful day!
Ginger Stache: Every parent wants to hear that, yes.
Joyce Meyer: That was a wonderful day.
Ginger Stache: But what you're saying, a lot of people want to hide. Like, we don't ever want anybody to think that we are having any problems with our children or that our relationships aren't perfect. And so, I think it's great just to bring this up in the open and say, it's okay if there's a phase that is not going exactly like you want it to.
Joyce Meyer: I told my daughter, this morning, what the content was going to be today. She said, "Well, I know who'll be in that". And they're so good about letting me, you know, because not every relationship is perfect. You know, I read something in a book, the other day, and it just blessed me so much. I'm actually, gonna do a teaching on this, but, "It's okay to not be okay". You know, we don't always have to be feeling loving toward everybody all the time. You know, and I always loved my kids, I never did not love my kids, but there were times when I didn't like them. Now, my youngest daughter, Sandra, she was a perfectionist. And so, she suited me pretty well because she tried to do everything just right, you know? However, you know, she had issues too, because she would, like, if she made one mistake on a piece of homework, she'd wad it up in a ball and throw it away, and start all over again. And so...
Ginger Stache: Yeah, so that was hard on her.
Joyce Meyer: We all have our things. And my youngest son, who's the CEO of all the stuff besides the world missions, I mean, he just, he was my baby, first of all, and you know, I just loved him to pieces, but he was also, he's got some type a but a lot of sanguine and he just wanted to have fun. You know, he hated school, he just, he's not a book type person, he's more of a hands-on type person. And he amazes me, like, he has a gift of wisdom, and he can fix almost anything but he still is not crazy about reading. You know, it's just, different people are different. And I think, if you want to get along with people, you have to stop trying to make people be what you want them to be. A statement that I heard that I think is very good is "You have to learn to love people where they're at, not where you want them to be".
Ginger Stache: And it's the same for your kids.
Joyce Meyer: Right, same for your kids.
Ginger Stache: Your kids are people. Sometimes, we don't think of them that way.
Joyce Meyer: That's right. I have a book that's called, "Teenagers are people too". I think, we think, sometimes, our kids, you know, just aren't people. And so, I'm sure that, you know, you had, well, just two girls, but I'm sure that, you know, you had challenges at different times.
Ginger Stache: Yeah, different phases of different things happening in our life. And I remember, the first time, when our first daughter was two years old, and like, she was the most darling baby. Everything was just perfect. And she hit two, and it was like, "Who is this crazy child"? And you know, then it's like, I don't know that I want to continue this right now. So, you know, then you get through that phase and then, it's more difficult as they get older, of course. And, because, the problems are just different and they're bigger problems. And you work through them. But there are times that you have these feelings, right? You always choose to love, but there are times that you have feelings that are...
Joyce Meyer: And you feel like they don't love you.
Ginger Stache: Exactly. That are more, you know, "This is going really well," and then you're feeling like, "We're just not clicking, we're not connecting. I don't know what's happening". So, definitely, been through those types of things.
Joyce Meyer: I remember Laura telling me, one time, "I hate you"!
Ginger Stache: Oh yeah, that's a hard one.
Joyce Meyer: We laugh about that now, but I'll tell you, it wasn't funny that day. And, I mean, when she'd got married and moved away from home and didn't call me, I'd cry. I'd tell Dave, "She doesn't love me anymore". And even, you know, as they've been adults, you go through different phases, like, she has four children. So, when she was really busy with her children, I rarely ever saw her, and that was a difficult time. And now, you know, her kids are all grown and married, and so, she has lots of time for me. And all of my kids are great in different ways. And like every other human being on earth, they all have weaknesses, just like I do, just like you do. And all I can say is work through it, and things will change. Keep loving people. You know, just keep loving people. We need to love people. We don't have to like everything they do, but we do need to love them unconditionally. And we need to always let our children know, "I don't like what you did, but I love you".
Ginger Stache: Great advice. If you're one of those parents, right now, who's feeling like, "I just don't like them a lot, right now," hold on, it will change.
Joyce Meyer: It will get better.