James Merritt - What God Joins Together
Now, if you’re a politician or you know anything about politics, you’re going to be familiar with this phrase. It’s called «The Third Rail». And if you’re not familiar with that, lemme just tell you, there are some things that politicians know. They are so controversial. They consider it charged, untouchable, 'cause they know if I talk about this issue, if I touch this issue, I’m in a lose-lose situation. Doesn’t matter what I say or how I say it, I’m gonna make half the people who hear me mad and upset. Doesn’t matter what I do. I’ll give you just a few examples. Classic one, Social Security. Reform Social Security, reform welfare, reform Medicare.
Politicians, that’s a third rail issue. They say, «Nope, don’t wanna touch it. That’s a kamikaze mission. I’m not gonna talk about it. I’m not gonna deal with it. I’m gonna kick the can down the road. 'Cause no matter what I say, I’m gonna make a lot of people mad». The Israeli-Palestinian conflict, doesn’t matter whether you’re on the side of the Israelites or Israel or you’re on the side of the Palestinians. Doesn’t matter what you say or how you say it, you’re gonna make people mad. Immigration. If you’re against building the wall, you don’t believe in national security. If you’re far building the wall, you don’t like immigrants. So there’s these issues that people, «I just don’t want to touch them».
Now, where did that term come from, the third rail? Well, a third rail, also called a live rail or an electric rail or a conductor rail, it’s the way you provide electric power to trains and to underground railroads and to subways. If you’ve ever been to New York City, and I’m sure many of you have, I have, then you know what I’m talking about. If you go to New York City and you’ve ever ridden the subway, you’ll notice that next to the two rails where the train runs, there’s a third rail. Matter of fact, that third rail has warning signs around it 'cause it’s charged with this high level of voltage. And if you’re dumb enough to touch it, you’re gonna be fried like Sunday chicken, okay? It’s not going to work out good for you.
Matter of fact, lemme show you a picture of a third rail. This is in Toronto, Canada. That is a third rail. If you walk across a railroad track like that, you could walk across the rails where the train runs, but if you walk across, if you touch the third rail, you will die. You just don’t touch it. So there’s these third rail issues where people say, «If you talk about that, you’re committing political suicide». What does that got to do with us? Well, if you’re a guest of ours today, and I’ve met a few of you who are here for the first time, thank you for coming, but if you’re a guest of ours today, we are in a series of messages on the Sermon on the Mount that we’ve been calling «Get Used to Different». And we’ve been seeing how Jesus is just saying things so different that nobody ever thought about before.
Well, today, I’m gonna be very honest. I’m going to deal with a third rail topic. In this whole sermon, if I could have skipped one thing that Jesus said, I would skip this one. If there was one part, to be honest, I wanted to treat like a speed bump and just jump over it, it’s this one. If there’s one thing that I just assumed, really, that Jesus didn’t really talk about, it would be this one. Because when I mention the word, just the word that Jesus talked about, I already know what’s gonna happen in this room. I already know what’s gonna happen in the people listening to me right now. Some people are gonna be sad, some people are gonna be mad, and some people are gonna be, just gonna be bad. I mean, it’s just not gonna work out well. You’ll feel bad, you’ll feel sad, you’ll feel mad. There’s gonna be anger, there’s gonna be grief, there’s gonna be shame, there’s gonna be guilt. And that word is divorce.
So lemme just say something at the outset 'cause I wanna make sure you understand who I’m talking to today. If you’re divorced, there’s no need for you to look down, there’s no need for you to kinda shift in your seat, there’s no need for you to go, «I wish I hadn’t come today,» because this message is not for you. If you’re divorced, that ship has sailed. If you’re divorced and remarried, that ship has sailed. I’m not talking to you. I wanna talk to those of you who are not married. I wanna talk to those of you who are engaged. I wanna talk to those of you who are thinking about getting married. Because I’m not here to make anybody feel guilty. I’m not here to make anybody angry or upset. But I do know that according to statistics, we need to hear the message for one simple reason.
We now know that 8 out of 10 people in this country have either been directly or indirectly affected by divorce. Either you’ve been divorced or somebody in your family’s been divorced or a friend that’s close to you’s been divorced. Same way. I’m in your category. I’ve had divorce in my own family. I know what it’s like. I’ve been there. I’ve seen it firsthand. And even though, overall, the divorce rate in America is falling, it is still the third highest divorce rate in the world. Now, I could state the obvious, which is, number one, divorce is tragic, and it is, and there are no winners in a divorce and there really aren’t. But lemme just go on record before we get into this and say a couple of things.
Number one, it’s not the unpardonable sin. If you’ve been divorced, it doesn’t make you a second class citizen inside the church or outside the church. We have leaders, leaders in our church, leaders who are divorced. Some of my best friends in this church have been divorced. Some of the godliest people I know have been divorced. Matter of fact, there’s another thing I’m absolutely convinced of. Nobody ever gets married with the thought of getting divorced, otherwise they never get married. I had a man come up to me right after the service, the first service, he walked up to me, he said, «Can I ask you a question»? I said, «Sure». He said, «I got divorced, but I didn’t want it. I did everything I could to fight it». I had to explain, «Listen, I understand, I get it. I know exactly where you’re coming from».
At the same time, on the other hand, more Americans are saying before they get married, «We better hedge our bets. We better kinda have a get out of jail free card». So now 50% of Americans say they believe in signing what’s called a prenuptial agreement. And younger generations are really embracing it. 41% of Gen Zers say, «I would never get married unless I sign a prenup». 47% of Millennials said, «Neither would I». Now let just say this. I do believe, and in some cases, particularly when two older people get married who’ve been married before, whatever, they both got assets and all that, I understand the logic of a prenup, not that you’re thinking about getting a divorce, but just to make sure everybody knows who’s got what. I get all that. But the fact remains that 40% of marriages do end in divorce.
In fact, I saw a cartoon one time and it showed one young adult saying to another one, this is what they said, «Well, it’s only marriage I’m proposing after all, not a lifetime commitment». Well, in your booklet, on page 30, and in Matthew 5, Jesus speaks to divorce for this reason, and this may surprise you. Divorce was more commonplace back in the days of Jesus than you would think. Divorce is not a modern invention. People have been getting divorced ever since they’ve been getting married. But even back in the days of Jesus, there was this big debate going on. Well, when can you get a divorce? And why are you allowed to get a divorce? And who should get a divorce? And even whether or not divorce was allowed.
So as I begin this message, I wanna talk to those of you who are not divorced, ship’s sailed. You’re divorced and remarried. I’m not talking to you, ship’s sailed. I’m talking to those of you who are single, but you want to get married one day or you are engaged to get married or you are married. You might wanna write this next statement down, okay, so don’t ever forget what I’m about to tell you. We now know, based on thousands of years of research, that there are only two causes of unhappy marriages and there are only two causes of divorce. You ready? Men and women. That’s it. Only two causes, only two reasons, men and women. I read somewhere the other day where somebody said, «There are two processes that should never be entered prematurely: embalming and divorce».
I think both of those are right. So here’s what we’re gonna learn today, okay? God’s ideal is one husband, one wife for one life. That’s it. That’s my message in a sentence, God’s ideal is one husband, one wife for one life. Marriage ought to be till death do us part. Now, all of that said, Jesus says two things, only two, about this whole thing about divorce. We’re gonna see what He says, alright? Number one, Jesus says we ought to consider the problem of divorce. So in Matthew 5, He begins with this word. He says, «It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.'» Now, what Jesus is doing, you may not have realized it, He was just simply quoting a law that was in the Old Testament. It’s found in the book of Deuteronomy. Deuteronomy 24 said, «If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house».
So here’s the law. You’re a guy and you get married to this woman. If you found anything indecent about her, if there was something about her that you didn’t like, and by the way that was left open to very broad interpretation, and you wanted to get a divorce, all you had to do, make sure you would write out a bill, somebody that was legally that could do it. They would write out a bill called a bill of divorce that would make it public, that would make it legal. So it was just simply a matter of paperwork. You had somebody draw up the paper and then you sign on the dotted line, and voila, the marriage disappeared and you were divorced. The problem was there was no argument about, «Well wait a minute. Should you get a divorce? Do you really have grounds for divorce»?
And even worse, nobody stopped to say just one very important thing: «Well, what does God think about it? What does God say about it»? They didn’t care what God said. They just wanted to make sure it was done legal and it was done right. Because here’s what they were thinking, which is what we still think today. «Well, if something is right, it’s got to be legal, and if we make it legal, it must be right, so let’s make sure that we make divorce legal and then divorce will be right». So it was kind of, again, their get out of jail free card. I read a story of a man the other day. He was talking to a buddy of his and he said, «Hey, I wanna ask you a question. If you had two wishes, what would they be»? And the guy said, «Well, you know, I’d wish for a wife». That’s all he said. And I looked at him and he said, «Well, that’s only one wish». He said, «Yeah, I know». He said, «I would save the other wish till I found out how she turned out».
Now, back in that day, if a man didn’t like the way his wife turned out, for whatever reason, ladies, and, you know, just write out a bill of divorcement and send her on away. But here’s another bigger problem. What did the pastors of that day say? What did the theological professors of that day say? What did the Bible experts in that day say? Well, all they cared about was make sure you do it right. And if it’s legal, it must be right. They were legalistic, that is they wanted to make sure it was done legally, proper authority, proper authorization, sign on the dotted line. They wanted to make sure it was legal, so they were legalistic, but they were very liberal in the fact that they said, «Look, doesn’t matter why you want to get a divorce. Just make it legal».
So even if a man promised to stick with his wife when he got married, they also wanted to make sure, «Well look, if you ever want to get unstuck for whatever the reason, you can». So don’t get the idea that, you know, divorce is kind of a common, you know, kind of a thing we’ve invented or whatever. The fact of the matter is divorce was just as common then as it is today. Matter of fact, in Matthew 19:3, the Pharisees bring the subject back up, and here’s what they said to Jesus: «Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, 'Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason? '»
Now here’s why they thought that. This is why they asked the question. Back in that day, their culture was just like ours. They had gotten this idea, you can get a divorce for any reason you want to get a divorce. It duly doesn’t matter what it is. Just make sure you do it legal. Make sure you do it right. So there was a school of thought that said all a guy has to do, for whatever reason, to think, «You know what? I just don’t want you around anymore,» and they could get divorced.
Now ladies, let me just share with you some reasons that men could give why they could get a divorce from their wife and the wife had no say in it, no recourse. I’m not making these up, okay? If she spoiled his dinner by adding too much salt, you’re out. If she was seen in public with her head uncovered, you’re out. If she talked with other men on the street, you’re out. If she spoke disrespectfully to her husband’s parents, you’re out. If she became plain-looking compared with another woman who her husband thought was more beautiful. Now, if that bothers you ladies and you women who are listening to me right now, you say, «How could that be»? We’ve got the same thing in America today. It’s called no fault divorce, which is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard of in my life. Because let me just enlighten you. When two people get a divorce, somebody had to be at fault.
Now it could have been both of them, but somebody had to be divorced, I mean had to be at fault. I mean, it’d be like this. Can you imagine? Can you imagine somebody rear-ending you on the highway and the officer comes and he says, «Who is at fault»? and the person that hits you goes, «Man, I don’t know. I don’t think anybody was at fault». Well, sure, somebody’s at fault. Had to be at fault and it wouldn’t be an accident. So this whole concept of no fault divorce, we’ve got it today. In other words, don’t have to have a reason. And the mentality hasn’t changed. You know, somebody has said marriage starts out as an ideal, then it becomes an ordeal, then you start looking around for a new deal. And that’s just kind of what we people think, you know?
And oftentimes, what we’re not told is the new deal really is no deal. Because if you’re thinking about checking out, if you’re thinking about calling it quits, if you’re thinking about throwing in the towel, if you’re thinking about waving the white flag of surrender, you might wanna think about this because people don’t have a whole lot of success running from unhappy marriages. Because even though 40% of marriages end the divorce, 67% of second marriages and 73% of third marriages also end in divorce. And you remember I said that in divorce, there are no winners. I told you everybody loses. That’s true. I have never seen a winning divorce case in my life, ever.
You know, there used to be a day, some of you remember this, there was a day decades ago when at least parents would stay together for the sake of the kids, right? At least a married couple would say together, say, «Well, you know, we don’t really want to be married, but we’ll do it for the sake of the kids». Well that’s not even true anymore. Matter of fact, I heard about a judge the other day that had a couple come before him and they wanted to get a divorce. The woman had filed for divorce. And he was gonna try to change their mind. So he was looking over the course and looking over the statistics and looking over their profile and he looks at the woman, he said, «Ma’am, excuse me». He said, «You’re 93 years old». She said, «Yes, sir». «Your husband is 94 years old». «Yes, sir». «You’ve been married 73 years». «Yep». «You’ve been married 73 years. You’re 93 and 94. Why are you giving up now»? She said, «Well, your honor, to be honest, our marriage had been on the rocks for a long time, but we just decided to wait till the children died».
Now… Well, what about the children? Let’s forget mom and dad, let’s forget husband and wife just for a moment. What about the kids? How do they suffer from a divorce? I see it firsthand in my family. I’ve watched it in my family. There was a long-term study that followed a sample of highly advantaged. This is not lower class or lower socioeconomic people. These are people from upper income. They studied highly advantaged children. I want you to listen to what they found. They found that if their parents divorced, it knocked four years off of their life expectancy. 40-year-olds from divorced homes. That is if your child and you come from a divorced home and you’re 40 years old, you are three times more likely to die from all causes than 40-year-old people whose parents stayed married.
If a child’s parents marry somebody else after they get a divorce, okay, so you grow up in a home, your mom and dad get divorced, and one or both of them get remarried, you are 91% more likely to also get divorced. And the risk of divorce is 50% higher when one spouse comes from a divorced home. So in other words, if you marry someone that comes from because of a divorce home, your risk of divorce is 50% higher. If you come from a divorced home, they come from a divorced home, and you both get married, you have a 200% more chance of getting divorced. So it doesn’t just affect you. It affects the kids. Well, what about a couple that marries and they don’t have children, they get divorced? Well, does it hurt the adults? I mean, how do they lose?
Well, lemme just clue you in on one other thing. «Well, I wanna get divorced 'cause I’m not happy and he’s not happy or she’s not happy and we’re just not happy and I wanna get divorced». Well, if you’re getting a divorce just because you’re unhappy, you better demand your money back because just 18% of divorced adults say they are very happy, and divorced adults are twice as likely as married people to say they’re not real happy with their life. And so the point is, you’re gonna see in just a moment, we sometimes think that divorce is the cure. I got news for you. Most of the time it’s worse than the problem. How many times, we’ve all known people like this, you run from a bad marriage and you get remarried and take the same baggage you brought into the first one. And look, I’m not throwing rocks. I’m just simply telling you that there’s a better solution than this. Actions have consequences and there are consequences to the divorce decision.
So Jesus knew what He was doing. He knew what he was saying when He said, «Time out. Before you even talk the D word, before you even think about it, consider the problem of divorce». But then Jesus asserted this. We must not only consider the problem of divorce. He said we must confirm the permanence of marriage. Now there’s something about Jesus' focus on this topic I don’t want you to miss. It’s really interesting. You go back and read the gospels, you know what you’ll find? Jesus never brought up divorce. He never initiated the discussion. He never thought about it. He really didn’t. It just wasn’t high on His list. It just wasn’t really on his radar screen. The only time He ever talked about divorce was when somebody asked Him about it or it was brought up because of what He was talking about. Because remember, He had just talked about adultery just before He talked about divorce.
And the reason why, His focus was not on condemning divorce, His focus was on confirming marriage. Because what you’re going to learn is Jesus was saying, «Look, if you understand what God’s intent for marriage was from the very beginning, then you’re gonna understand two things. You’re gonna understand why God hates divorce,» and the Bible says He does, «and you’re gonna understand why there are no winners in a divorce». So, in verse 32, Jesus makes this statement: «But I tell you». Remember I told you last week? Keep this in mind. Every time now in the sermon where Jesus would say, «But I tell you,» the Pharisees went, «Here we go again». The Sadducees were saying, «Oh, no. I just don’t want to hear this».
Jesus said, «I know what you’ve been taught. I know what you’ve heard. I know you think it’s okay if she burns the biscuits or boils the water wrong. You can just write her a certificate of divorce. I know what you heard at school. I know what your parents brought you up thinking. But I say to you, anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery». May be one of, if not the most unpopular statement Jesus ever made in His ministry. It may be the one statement that so many people would say, «I wish He had just never said that». Because you’ll notice He doesn’t equivocate. He doesn’t hesitate. There is no debate. He says you’ve got one reason and only one to divorce for anything that God would accept except for sexual immorality.
By the way, the word for sexual immorality is the Greek word porneia. It gives us the word pornography. And it refers to any illicit sexual intercourse, whether it be adultery or homosexuality or incest. So I just read that one statement right there and lemme tell you what I already know about Jesus. He was unequivocally against no fault divorce. As far as Jesus is concerned, there is no such thing as no fault divorce. See, here’s the problem. What we’ve done is we’ve turned marriage and taken what was to be a covenant and turned it into a contract. As a matter of fact, now it’s even less than a contract, because if you sign a contract and you break that contract, there can be legal ramifications. But if you get a divorce for no reason, there can be no recourse. And we all know, honestly, in any divorce, somebody, if not both parties have to be at fault or they wouldn’t be divorced.
So Jesus says… Let me just, I want you to understand what I’m saying. You just reach into your grab bag and pick out any excuse you can think of. And Jesus says, «I’ve heard 'em all». Incompatibility. Financial pressure. Personality traits. Unpleasant habits. He’s messy. She can’t boil water without burning it. Jesus said, «I don’t care what reason you give. There are no biblical reasons other than that to divorce. It is till death do you part».
Now you need to stop and understand how radical that was. Remember, that was a patriarchal society. These people lived in a patriarchal culture. The man was the center of everything. And for the man, divorce was very, very easy. And what Jesus was saying was not only coming against divorce for most any other reason, what He was really saying was, «Hey, man, you’re no better than a woman. She’s equal to you. You’ve got no more reason or right to divorce her than she has to divorce you. It’s not a one-way street here, it is a two-way street and both of you are equal. It’s wrong for a man to divorce a woman, wrong for a woman to divorce a man, and you can’t do it for just any reason».
Well I’m telling you, there were Romans in that congregation that day. There were Greeks in that congregation that day. And they had been raised to believe any form of promiscuity was normal and natural. Women would marry men just with the assumption, he’s gonna have a mistress, he’s gonna have somebody on the side. That’s just the way men do things. Jesus comes along and says, «Not anymore. You’ve gotta confine your sexual relations to only one partner, and that’s the marriage partner». I’m telling you, it was mind-boggling. And so to drive the point home, Jesus says, «Let me make this plain, If you divorce your wife for any reason other than adultery and you remarry, at that moment, you commit adultery and you force the woman who marries you to commit adultery». And adultery was a very serious charge. And the simple point was, as hard as it is to swallow, Jesus said unbiblical divorce that leads to remarriage commits adultery.
Now you say, «Well, why is that true»? Well here’s the simple reason behind it. The only one that can end the marriage is the one who starts a marriage, and that’s God. Some of you listening to me right now, I’m looking at you and you know who you are. I did your wedding. You notice I didn’t do your marriage. I don’t do marriages. I do weddings. Only God does marriages. I don’t bring people together. God brings people together. I don’t bind people together. God binds people together. That’s why we say at the end of our ceremony, not «Till the pastor do you part,» not «Till you do you part,» not «Till a piece of paper do you part,» not «Till a judge do you part,» «Till death do you part». Because what God starts, only God can ends. What God puts together, only God can separate. That’s why He said, «Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate».
And see, the reason why we struggle with that is this. We become so totally focused on divorce, where Jesus says you need to get preoccupied with marriage. Because here’s what we always tend to do. When you have trouble in a marriage, here’s the first question we start asking. How can I get out of it? And Jesus comes along and says, «You’re asking the wrong question». When you got trouble in your marriage, the question is not «How can I get out of it»? The question is «How can I stay in it»? «How can I keep my promise»? «How can I keep my vow»? «How can I keep my covenant»? So what we ought be concerned about is not our view of divorce, but God’s view of marriage. Well, what is God’s view of marriage? He tells us in the very first marriage He ever put together. Here’s what He said: «This is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife and they become one flesh».
That word, united, literally means a firm, permanent attachment, but we call it today, they are glued together. So if you’re in a marriage right now and you say, «Man, I feel like I’m stuck,» you are. And it’s God that did the stucking. It’s God that put the glue in that relationship. Not super glue, supernatural glue. It’s the God that said, you’ll be glued, you’ll be stuck, you’ll be joined at the hip with your wife, and you leave your father and mother and you will be one flesh. Now lemme just stop right here. I gotta say this. I just love it when I hear these Hollywood actors and actresses who live together in what’s called fornication. And you’ll hear them say this. «Don’t need to get married. It’s just a piece of paper. No big deal». And they use that to try to either excuse a divorce or, you know, just excuse not getting married. «We don’t need a piece of paper to cement our relationship».
Can I just tell you how hypocritical that is, just how hypocritical? Lemme give you an example. So you leave church today. You go to the interstate, you’re driving home, and for whatever reason, you don’t realize how fast you’re going and you are really going too fast and you get pulled over by a police officer. So the police officer walks up to you and you roll your window down and he says, «Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your driver’s license»? Let me tell you what I would not say if I were you. «I don’t care. That’s just a piece of paper». I wouldn’t say that. If you’re going for a job interview and that interviewer says, «Hey, can I see your resume?» if I were you, I wouldn’t say, «I don’t carry a resume. I don’t need a piece of paper». Or try going to Israel with me or try going to Greece with me and try to even get on the airplane and somebody say to you, «Can I see your passport»? «My passport? I don’t need a passport. Just a piece of paper».
See how hypocritical we are? In every other area of life, «Oh, I gotta have a piece of paper,» except marriage. Well, in the one sense, they’re right. Marriage is more than a piece of paper or it’s better than, it’s a covenant with God. It is a promise you make to God. «I am doing this till death do us part». I was thinking about this. I don’t know why it came to my mind. I’ll tell you this quick story. I think about 30 years ago, we lived way out in the country and Thanksgiving Day, my oldest brother and my dad and I went quail hunting. There was quail all over. We lived out in the country. There’s quail everywhere. We love to hunt quail. So we’re out, I’m maybe 500 yards from our house, and we’re out there hunting quail and a guy that I’ve never met before, that I’ve never met again, anywhere, comes walking up. Who do you think it was? The game warden. Game warden.
«How you guys doing»? «Fine, oh, how are you doing»? «Doing great. Guys out hunting»? «Yes, sir». «Can I see your hunting license»? Now what I wanted to say as a pastor was, «Shame on you for being out here on Thanksgiving Day. You ought to be home with your family». I didn’t say that. But I’ll tell you what I sure didn’t say. «It’s just a piece of paper». No, that’s like a $10,000 fine and jail time. So I said, «Officer,» and I’m telling the truth, I said, «Officer, I’m sorry, I don’t have it with me, but I do have it back at my parents' house». Now I did have the presence of mind not to tell him I was a pastor. I never let him know that. You know what he said to me? He didn’t say, «Oh, that’s okay». You know what he said? He said, «Well son, if you don’t wanna go to jail and pay a fine, you better go get it». It was important. No, that marriage license is more than a piece of paper. It’s a sacred covenant between you and God that you will get married till death do you part.
That’s why, I wanna say something to everyone in this room, every one of you listening to me, those of you who’ll be hearing this message a year or two from now, the single most important key to having a successful marriage is this. You love Jesus and you marry somebody that loves Jesus more than she loves you. You marry a guy that loves Jesus more than he loves you. Before we got married, I made it plain to Teresa, she made it plain to me. I said, «You will always be in second place in my life, and I expect to always be in second place in your life. Jesus will always be first».
As a matter of fact, that’s backed up empirically. The facts we’re making, the most difference in people who stay married, are people who are religiously committed and they practice their faith. Now hear what I’m saying. I’m not just talking about attending church, showing up every once in a while. I’m talking about people who actually truly practice their faith. Here’s what statistics now tell us. Couples who attend church almost every week, practice reading their Bibles, pray together, and get involved are 85% less likely to divorce than other married couples who rarely or ever attend church or get involved at all.
Now, that’s one big reason. Lemme just give you a couple of other practical reasons if you’re just even thinking about the D word. Lemme just tell you this. There are other benefits to marriage and not getting divorced. There are financial reasons. One of the best investments you’ll ever make. Just stay married. At retirement, the average married couple, average, this is just average, at retirement, the average marriage couple has $410,000 of assets. Divorced people, $154,000 of assets. In fact, couples who stay married, in one study, saw their assets increase twice as fast as those who remained divorced over a five-year period.
You say, «Well wait a minute. Forget finances, forget money, forget this, forget that. Man, I just wanna be happy. I’m not happy. I just want to be happy». Well, for your own long-term happiness, you might want to consider working out your troubles and staying married, because what proportion of people who are married who are unhappy, who stick it out, stay unhappy? That would be a great question to ask. So what percentage of people who say, «I’m not happy, but let’s work on it, let’s work our way out of this, let’s hang in there, let’s stay together, let’s get help,» how many of those still stay miserable? You ready for this? The latest data shows that within five years, just 12% of very unhappily married couples who stick it out are still unhappy. 70% of the unhappiest couples now describe their marriages are very or quite happy. Take all the people who are married today, and between 61 and 62% say they are very happy.
There’s been very little decrease in that in the last 10 years. Here’s what’s most striking of all. Two-thirds of people who are married who say they are unhappy, two out of three will be happy if they just stick together for five more years. And 60% of people that get married, still married for life and they do it for good reason. So I wanna close with a statement. There’s something I wanna read to you and we’ll be done. You notice that Jesus did not say, and I have not said, one word about separation. That’s a different issue. So I want you to hear me clearly. If you’ve heard me say anything close to this, let me disabuse you of this notion. I do not believe for a second that a woman should stay in an abusive marriage period.
Ladies, you hear me carefully. I never would counsel a woman who’s in an abusive marriage to stay married, or a man for that matter. But what I cannot do, even in that situation, I cannot counsel divorce, I can’t. I do counsel separation. I have counseled separation. I have said to women who’ve gone, abused women, battered women, I’ve said to them, not only have I said to them, «You’ve got to report this to the police». I’ve said to them, «You gotta get out. You can’t stay there. This is too dangerous for you».
So I want you to hear me. We’re not talking about separation. We’re talking about divorce. Do not stay in that kind of a situation. But what Jesus is saying is very simple. I’m gonna boil it down to this last sentence. Either marry for all of your life or just don’t marry for all of your life. Either marry for all of your life or just don’t marry for all of your life. 'Cause I’ll tell you what I have seen. I’ve seen it in 47 years of being a pastor. I’ve seen it, I can’t even tell you how many times. The God that brought you together and the God that bound you together, even in the most difficult of circumstances, can build you back together if you just give Him a chance. Because all things are possible with God.
So I wanna share with you this last email. I got it about five years ago from a lady who watches us on TV. I’ll just call her Sally. This is what she wrote me: «I want you to know I’m sitting here watching your sermon today, February 3, 2019, regarding the 'I Do.'» It was a series on marriage. «I completed my covenant on January 26, 2019. The Lord granted me 40 years with my husband who I wanted to divorce. Right after I started my divorce proceedings, I was saved by the blood of the lamb. The Lord blessed me with a wonderful man who discipled me and gave me the scriptures regarding marriage to read as a young believer. I was led to stop the divorce proceedings. My feelings were, if I could not keep a promise to God, I wouldn’t be able to keep it with anyone. My marriage still had its ups and downs through the years, but I remained faithful to my covenant and my husband. The Lord is faithful to His servants. My prayer is for that one person who listened who also will keep their promise».
Divorce is not the unpardonable sin. If you’ve been divorced, I’m not asking you to look out the rear-view window. That ship has sailed. I am asking you to look out the windshield 'cause God can forgive and God does forgive and God can still use you and God will still use you. I’m talking to those of us who are not yet married and those of us who are married, till death do you part. You make any sacrifice. You go any distance. You pay any price to hold that marriage together. Because that’s truly living out the gospel of the one who died for us, who came back from the grave, who will never divorce us.
So at the first service, I wasn’t gonna do this, as I was just preaching this, this just came to my mind. So as I was coming to church and I got to church today, I sent a text to Teresa. By the way, just as an aside, Teresa’s had, some of you got it, she’s developed this cough. She does it about once every other year and she can’t get rid of it. And it’s about a six-week thing. She’s in the middle of it. That’s why she’s not here today. So just, you know, pray for her. But anyway, so I texted her. I won’t tell you all that I texted her, but I do wanna share this: «I wouldn’t want to go through life with anybody but you and I want to go to heaven from your arms». She said, «Me too».
Perfect way, in each other’s arms. We’ve had our ups and downs. We’ve never had a fight. We just had arguments you could hear from four neighborhoods, and we have. We’ve had World War VI in our house 'cause she’s a strong-willed woman and you can tell I’m a strong-willed guy. But we made a commitment that day, till death do us part. And I’m telling every one of you in this room right now, and I don’t know who I’m talking to. I know I was talking to some couples in the first service. I knew who they are. Your marriage is just about at the brink. You really wanna wave that white flag. You wanna throw in the towel. Don’t do it. Don’t do it. The God that brought you together and the God that built you together and the God that bound you together is the God that can keep you together. So let it be till death do you part.
Would you pray with me with heads bowed, with eyes closed? I don’t know who I’m talking to right now. I don’t know where you are. I don’t know what your situation in your marriage is, but I will tell you this. The biggest thing I think a lot of marriages need is Jesus. They don’t need even marital counsel, they need Jesus. A lady came up to me after the first service, came up to my table. She was weeping. She said, «That message was for me». She said, you know, she said, «My husband, a while back, did some things he shouldn’t have done and I’m just tired and I’m just ready to give up».
I said to her, I said, «Does your husband know Jesus»? «No». I said, «Well, if your husband did, would it make a difference»? She said, «All the difference in the world». I said, «Tell you what, you email or call my assistant. Would your husband be open to me visiting»? She said, «Yeah». I said, «I’ll tell you what, you make it happen, I’ll come. Lemme come talk to your husband, because I guarantee you, if your husband falls in love with Jesus, you’ll fall back in love with your husband». I wonder who’s here right now and your biggest problem’s not your marriage. Your biggest problem is your heart. You don’t know Jesus. Or maybe your spouse doesn’t know Jesus. Well, if you don’t know Jesus, don’t walk out of this building without Him. Why don’t you right now in your heart say something like this:
Lord Jesus, I’m a sinner and I need a savior. You died for my sins. God raised you from the dead. I believe it. You’re alive right now. Lord Jesus, come into my heart, save me, forgive me of my sins. I surrender my life to you today. So Lord, thank you for hearing my prayer. Thank you for saving me today.