James Meehan - Most Relationships Suck (How to Help Yours Thrive)

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Well, we are in a message series called «Getting Relationships Right». Because most people’s relationships suck, because most people suck at relationships. And, like, I don’t have to, like, tell you that, we all know it. I mean, just look at the world out there. How many celebrity divorces and breakups have you heard about? How many of the top songs on Spotify are about a breakup or heartbreak? How many times do we watch movies and shows that are all centered on the relational conflict between friends and family and lovers? A lot of times because most people’s relationships suck, because most people suck at relationships and that’s not just stuff that we see out there, that’s stuff that so many of us have experienced in our own lives.

Like, there are some of you right now who are hearing this message and you are walking through the turmoil and the aftermath of a friendship that was shattered because of what they did to break your trust. There are some of you that are listening to this message and you are dealing with all of the messiness that comes from your parents going through a divorce. There are some of you that are listening to this message and you just went through a breakup with your romantic interest, your boyfriend or your girlfriend, and you are wondering if and when you will ever find real and lasting love.

There are some of you right now who have a younger sibling and you wish that you did not because most of our relationships are not as good as we wish they were. Because if we say it pretty honestly, most of us aren’t as good at relationships as we wish we were. But there is really good news because the God of heaven and earth created you for relationship, that baked into the very essence of who God is, is relationship. From the beginning, He has wanted relationship for you and with you. And even more than that, God wants to help you have meaningful, fulfilling, lasting relationships with other people too. And that’s why we are in this series «Getting Relationships Right».

And the really good news is that the person who is going to be teaching us it, like, it’s not just me, like, I’m saying the words on the stage, but really the person who all the ideas I’m gonna share are from is the dude who was better at relationships than anybody else. Jesus Christ. What I love about Jesus is one of His greatest miracles. He had 12 close friends in His 30s and as a man who just entered his 30s, like, it’s really hard to have close friendships throughout life and there are some of you who, like, you’re experiencing it right now and you go to school and spend eight hours a day surrounded by other people your age. But having close friendships is not easy because for so many of us, all we’ve ever experienced is the really shallow and surface level stuff.

But what Jesus wants to show us is how to have close, deep personal friendships. And what Jesus will show us is what it looks like to have an amazing relationship with our heavenly Father and also our earthly family because that’s exactly what He had. And the reason why we can have so much confidence learning from Jesus is because everything that He ever said, He lived. Like, He always practiced what he preached and the thing that Jesus said is most important, two commands. Here’s what He says in Matthew, Chapter 22. He says, «'To love the Lord your God with all of your heart, with all of your soul, with all of your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it. 'Love your neighbor as yourself. All the law and the prophets hang on these two commandments.'»

What that means is that all the law and the prophets, the entire Old Testament is based on, it’s about these two commands, to become the kind of people who love God with all that we are and who love others the same way that we want to be loved. Every page of scripture is intended to shape us into those kind of people, so that that can be our everyday reality. And one of my favorite examples of this shows up on the very first chapter of the Book of Exodus. Now, if you’ve heard of Exodus, you probably are familiar with Moses, who is this amazing prophet that God used to deliver His people from slavery in Egypt.

And there’s all sorts of miracles. There’s the burning bush, there’s the 10 plagues, there’s the parting of the Red Sea. But before any of that stuff happens, we read about two very ordinary people that are used by God in an extraordinary way because of their love for God and their love for people. We’re gonna look at Exodus, Chapter 1, Verse 8. We’re gonna read that, «A new king came to power in Egypt. He says, 'Look, the Israelites have become far too numerous for us.' Come, we must deal shrewdly with them or they will become even more numerous. And if war breaks out, they will join our enemies, they’ll fight against us and they will leave the country».

So the Egyptians put slave masters over them to oppress them with forced labor. But what’s interesting is that the more they were oppressed, the more they multiplied and spread. So the Egyptians came to dread. They were terrified of the Israelites. They worked them ruthlessly. They made their lives bitter with harsh labor and brick and mortar and with all kinds of work in the fields and in all their harsh labor, the Egyptians worked them ruthlessly. The Egyptians had a problem with the Israelites and the king of Egypt, the most powerful man on the planet felt so threatened by God’s people that he made a plan to make sure that they never threatened his power, but it wasn’t enough to simply oppress them, to harass them and to enslave him. No, he goes a step further in the next verse.

«The king of Egypt said to the Hebrew midwives whose names were Shiphrah and Puah, 'When you are helping the Hebrew women during childbirth on the delivery stool, if you see that the baby is a boy, kill him. But if it is a girl, let her live.'» The midwives, however, they feared God, they trusted God. They believed that God was the ultimate authority and they did not do what the king of Egypt had told them to do. They let the boys live. So you’ve got the most powerful man on the planet who tells these two servant women to kill the babies if they are boys. And these two servant women under the boot of the Egyptian empire defy the man that had more power than they could ever imagine because they trusted God and because they loved people.

And now one of the things that I think is so fascinating that makes this detail even more interesting is that in the, like, original language, the Book of Exodus was actually called the Book of Names. And what you may have noticed is that there are two people whose names are mentioned, Shiphrah and Puah, the Hebrew midwives. But there is one person who all we hear is his title, the King of Egypt. Now, if you were a historian writing down what had happened, whose name would you mention? Probably the dude who was king. Whose names would you leave out? Probably the midwives. But it was not a historian writing this story. It was the spirit of God that was working through people to make sure that the most important details are remembered. Not the name of the king, but the two women who feared God and who chose to let the boys live.

You see, the economy of God’s kingdom looks very different than the economy of our world. The thing that God cares about more than titles and power is people who are willing to serve and follow Him, even at the cost of their very lives. Because, like, if the king found out that they were lying to him, what would he have done? He would’ve done to them what he wanted them to do to the boys. He would’ve ended their lives. But that’s not what happened. And now, generations later, whose names do we remember? Whose names are recorded in the very word of God? These two midwives who feared God and were willing to sacrifice themselves if it came to that to save these boys.

Now, why do I tell you about all of that? Because throughout our lives, in every situation and in every relationship, we will face decisions where we can either choose to live in obedience to God or do what is good for us. And if all we’re ever looking out for is our own wellbeing, then we will miss opportunity after opportunity to be used by God in amazing ways. But if we are willing to serve God first, then He will lead us to places where we get to love His people in dramatic ways. This is the question that all of us have to answer. Who are you living in obedience to, God or someone else? Because if like the Hebrew midwives, you are choosing to trust and follow God, than He will lead you to love the people made in His image, the people that He calls his own kids. But if all you’re trying to do is serve yourself or someone else, then more often than not, instead of sacrificing yourself for the good of another, you will sacrifice others for your own good.

That’s exactly what the king of Egypt was doing. I remember when I went into middle school, leaving my elementary school, I was really excited because this was my chance at a fresh start and I wanted to be in with the cool kids. And so I tried really hard to get in with the cool kids to the point that I left all of my real friends behind, couple problems. I was not cool enough to be in with the cool kids. So that did not work. And because I betrayed the trust of all of my friends, when I didn’t get in with the cool kids and I tried to go back to them, they didn’t wanna have anything to do with me. My relationship sucked because I sucked at relationships, because I cared more about what felt good for me than what was actually good for the people that cared about me. What about you?

Like, when you show up to Switch, are you doing what you’re doing because you want to grow in your faith? Or are you just here to goof off with your friends? Like, when you go to your friend’s house, are you there because you actually want them to be the best that they can be? Or are you just there because you really like the stuff they have at their house? It’s pretty nice and fancy. Like, when you are navigating a dating relationship, is your primary concern the future and the wellbeing of the person you are dating or the way that they make you feel?

If you are living primarily in obedience to yourself and your own desires, chances are really good that what you do will not be loving to others. But when you choose to put God first, you will become the kind of person who is willing to do the hard things because they are right and because they benefit not just yourself, but also others. What’s interesting with the Hebrew midwives, if we continue reading, Verse 20 tells us that, «God, He saw them and He had favor on them, that God was good to them. The Israelites, they continued to multiply, growing more and more powerful. And because the midwives feared God, He gave them families of their own».

So this is, like, this really cool blessing that came to them because of what they were willing to do, but that’s not where it ends. Because the Hebrew midwives did not kill the baby boys, there was a baby boy who grew up to be a man named Moses that the rest of the Book of Exodus follows his story. You see, these two women who in most accounts would have been unnamed and unmentioned are named and mentioned by God because he used them in amazing ways that the entire rest of the Old Testament hinges on their decision to fear God and defy the king of Egypt.

Now, once again, I recognize that this feels, like, way bigger and also more obvious than most of the situations that we navigate. Like, how many of us are actually gonna be asked by the king to murder babies? And it feels like it’s obvious, right? So what about when it’s more complicated? And what about when it’s not so big, but it’s all of the small and little things, the everyday stuff that’s just kind of messy and not great? How do we figure out how to navigate those situations? Well, we’re gonna look at 1st John, Chapter 3, where John, who is a friend and follower of Jesus, wrote this. He said, «If you wanna know what love is, look to Jesus because Jesus Christ laid down His life for us».

So if that’s what Jesus did for us, then what should we do? Well, «We ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity, no compassion on them, how can the love of God be in that person? So dear friends, dear children, let us not love with words or speech, but with actions and in truth».

What is real love? Real love is a choice to sacrifice yourself for the good of another. Love is a choice to sacrifice yourself for the good of another. It’s a choice that we make, not just a thought that we think or an emotion that we feel. Love isn’t just what we think and how we feel. Love is what you do and it is how you live. And this is what Jesus shows us, that it wasn’t just Him sitting up in heaven and thinking nice things about all the people who were suffering. He left heaven, He entered history, He became a human being, lived a perfect life, sacrificed Himself on the cross for you and me, and rose from the grave, so that anybody who puts their trust in Him could be saved, could have a relationship with God forever. He made a choice to sacrifice Himself for us.

So shouldn’t we do the same? If you wanna have stronger relationships, then my biggest piece of advice for you is to do what Jesus would do if He were you. Do what Jesus would do if He were you. Now, first thing we gotta address is most of the time when people talk about what Jesus would do, they’re usually saying all the stuff that they themselves already want to do, and they’re just putting Jesus’s name on it. Like, have you ever seen people do that? Have you heard people do that? It happens way more often than it should.

So, like, how can we be careful to not just say we’re doing what Jesus would do because it’s what we already wanna do? Well, that’s where it takes a little bit of work because if you don’t know what Jesus actually did, then it’s gonna be really hard to figure out what He would do now, in our world today. So I got three things I need you to do. If you wanna do what Jesus would do if He were you, step one, you gotta study His word. Like, you actually have to know what He did, what He said, how He lived. Because if you don’t know what He did, what He said and how He lived, then you’ll have no idea what He would do in your situation. So read the accounts of His life, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, make it a habit, a practice to do it every single day, paying special attention to how He related to others and how He commands us to relate to others.

Second thing you’ve gotta do is to seek wise counsel. Seek wise counsel, because it’s really easy to read something in scripture or to be in the middle of a situation and come up with your own idea of what you should do. But we need other people to correct us when we get it wrong, to direct us when we don’t know what to do or where to go. We need God’s word and God’s people. And then once you’ve done that, it’s time to do the work to actually love in action and in truth, not just with words and with thoughts. So for me, I really want to, in every situation and every relationship, do what Jesus would do if He were me, because I know that my relationships could be better and I could be better at relationships.

So every day, I study His word. I, like, write in my Bible the things that stick out to me that Jesus said and did, so that I can remember it and hopefully, that day, do it. When I’m in difficult situations, I talk to other people who love God and who love me. And, like, I ask them for their wisdom. I ask them to help me think through this situation in the best way possible, so that I’m not just doing what I think is right, but I’m actually doing God’s will. And then once I’ve done that, then I do the stuff. Like, I actually go to work loving people the way that I think that Jesus would because it’s not just what we think or how we feel.

It’s what we do and it’s how we live. And there are so many of us that our relationships suck because all we’re doing is thinking the things and feeling the stuff, but we’re not actually sacrificing ourselves for the good of another. And if you want your relationships to get better, you gotta do what Jesus would do if He were you, because then you will see that real, lasting, deep and fulfilling relationships are possible with God and with others. And the best news of all is that before Jesus asked you to do any of this for Him, He already did it for you. 1st John 3:16, «This is how we know what love is. Jesus Christ laid down His life for us». So let us do the same for others.

Lord Jesus, we come before You right now, so grateful for Your word, so grateful for Your truth, so grateful for Your life, for all that You did to show us what real love looks like. I pray that every single one of us would trust that You care deeply about us, that You want what’s best for us, that You wanna show us the path to better and stronger relationships. So help us to trust and believe that You are so good and so true. Help us to do for others what You would do if You were us, so that we can share Your love. It’s in Your name we pray, amen and amen.