Dr. Ed Young - The Secret to a Healthy Family
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"All right! You want a healthy family, a healthy marriage, here's the list! Where are you failing? Try harder"! Isn't that what you expect? That's not what you're gonna get, because if you've been around for a while, we never get there by trying harder. Have you noticed that? Huh? Used to write down our New Year's resolutions. I've got a perfect score on all of my New Year's resolutions I've failed every single time! So, we just throw up our hands and say, "You know, what's the use? You know we can't improve! We're locked in here. We're surrounded by the irrational love of God". But I want to go back and let us look at, to how we can indeed have a healthy family. We have to go back to the beginning, all the way back to Genesis.
Look at Genesis. You, you gentlemen can find that. It's the first Book in the Bible. Look at Chapter 1. Chapter 1 in Genesis for just discussion and understanding is basic. It tells us what God did in Creation. That's Chapter 1. Chapter 2 is a commentary basically on Chapter 1, which illustrates and tells us something of the purpose that was behind God's Creation and how it all began to transpire. So Chapter 1-this is what God did in Creation. It's good, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's good, it's very good. Then He said, "It's not good for man to be alone..." The first "not good" in the Bible. And you move to Chapter 2 as a commentary. And then you have a picture in Chapter 2 of the pre-apple Garden. Now, don't write me and say, "The Bible doesn't say it's an apple..."
I know that. It's a fruit, but we're gonna use the apple, okay? That's all right... The pre-apple Garden. What's it like? Ohh! Listen! Look at Verse 22, Chapter 2: The Lord fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man and brought her to him. By the way, remember "brought her to him"? That's a picture in weddings when the father brings the bride to the altar to give to the groom? That is God bringing Eve to Adam. That's all pre, pre-supposed here, all taught here. Then Verse 22: The man said, "Now, God, you have provided with me a slave to meet all my needs, and to be at my beck and call 24/7, and to do everything I want to do and to be totally bowed before me at all times". Audience laughs. Nooo. What does it say?
When Adam saw Eve, he said, "This is bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man". And this Verse 24: "For this reason shall a man leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. That the man and his wife were both naked, and they were unashamed". How beautiful that is! In the pristine Garden of Eden, pre-apple, Adam and Eve became one, and they were mutually in charge. They were mutually superintendent. They were the ruler. They had supremacy, and they reflected together the image of God, and in their love and their two becoming one, they reflected God's perfect image in that Garden.
What a magnificent thing. We can't even imagine! Eye has not seen, ear has not heart, neither has entered the heart of man what God has prepared for those who love Him. They loved God; God loved them! They had the whole universe under their control. What a magnificent, pristine world of love and freedom and spontaneity, and creativity, and joy, and celebration, and worship, and praise! God met with him daily, continuously. What a moment in history! Now you have mutuality. You have mutual supremacy over all of Creation. An intimacy! Two become one. No shame! Beautiful! Beautiful, beautiful. Pre-apple. Now the fall... Oh, ho, ho... The fall. That decisive moment in history of civilization and the Creation when something unbelievably tragic took place, the fall of mankind. And we read about it with words that are hard to believe.
Verse 6, Chapter Number 3: When the woman saw the tree was good for food... The woman saw the tree was good for food. God said, "You can eat of all the trees. Don't eat of this tree..." The woman saw it was good for food. Ohhh, it was good for food, she figured that out in her mind, didn't she? She looked to her mind! Oh me! Have we run into Kant again in Genesis? She decided it was good for food. She used her head! She used her common sense. That tree's okay, it's good for food. She's lost her mind. Then she saw that it was a delight to her eyes. Delightful. Uh, emotion, passion, the heart. Man, we're back with Rousseau again! Man, she saw a delight in her eyes. Whoo-hoo-ho! Emotion must be all right because it'll taste good, and it'll feel good. Okay. That's-I want to make my decision about right and wrong on that basis.
And look at the next thing. ...and that the tree was desirable to make one wise. Ohh ho! Wisdom is power! "Oh, and I'll be wise! I'll be in control". What happened in the fall here? What happened? It is, Adam and Eve decided that we're tired of being dependent on God. We want to be independent from God. We don't want to be subject to what God wants. We want to run our own show and run our own lives, and that's the same guise that Satan uses to bring you down and to bring me down. Satan has no new game plans, ladies and gentlemen, because it keeps on working every time with human beings, exactly in the Garden. You go all the way to I John, Chapter Number 2. What is the deal? The lust of the eye, the lust of the flesh, the pride of life, the same thing.
Man, use your mind to decide what's right and wrong. Use your feelings to decide what's right and wrong. Boy, if you're powerful enough to do it, you can do it! Same play, same game plan over and over and over again. You can trace it through history in the Bible, and the history of your life and my life. The fall of man! The fall of man... And now, everything changed. Everything changed. And now, we have the curse that is placed-the penalty on God backing up from man as man backed up from God, and man declared his independence instead of being dependent, and look at the curse. We see this in Chapter Number 3, Verse Number 16: To the woman, He said, "I will greatly multiply your pain in childbirth. In the path, you will bring forth children; in the pain, you will bring forth children". (This is it). "Yet, your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you". (There's the curse). "Your desire will be for your husband".
That's the curse on the woman. And by the way, the word "desire" here is the same word found in the very next Chapter in the 7th Verse. It says, God says, "Cain, sin is crouching at your door and sin desires you". In other words, sin desires to control you. And the idea of the woman and desire is not related to a sexual thing; it's the idea here, the curse is, the woman wants to control things. The woman wants to control the relationship. And then in the next Verse, the curse on the man is the man wants to rule over the woman. So you have both of them wanted to be in charge. That's the curse that came upon us. And by the way, we don't have to live under that curse. But a lot of us do. Genesis 3:16 tells us the curse we're under in declaring our independence and saying, "I want to be in charge". "No, I want to be in charge..."
The answer for the curse is John 3:16. Genesis 3:16 is following the fall, and the curse is placed there; ah, but the answer is John 3:16. But even when we come to Christ individually, still a lot of marriages and a lot of families operate under the auspices of the curse. So, how do we reverse the curse and move from a curseful relationship in marriage to a spiritful relationship in marriage. We go to Ephesians Chapter 5. Now, I have taught this and heard this in so many, many ways. Let me say something up front: Most of the time, Ephesians 5 is taught like this-follow me. Ephesians 5 said here is God's chain of command, and here's the husband, and the wife is to be submissive to the husband. He runs the home. That's how it's taught.
Then the next channel is, well here's the parents and the children ought to be submissive to the parents, they run the home. In our vocabulary, instead of slave and servant, it would be here's an employer and the employees are to be submissive to the employer. That's how we've heard Ephesians 5 taught most every time. I can tell you there's nothing wrong with that, except it's not Biblically true. That's how the Ephesians operated anyway! How did the pagan culture operate? Man, the father's in charge of the wife. He could just throw her out, get rid of her, marry somebody else-man, that's how the pagan culture operated, didn't it? That's nothing new, if that's what Paul is teaching. There's nothing new, that parents are over there children and their children are to be subject to them.
Why, that's what they taught. If you didn't want a little girl, just throw her away! Mad at the boy-just kick him out-kill him! Total life or death over children. That was a pagan culture. Nothing new about that. Employer, employees, slave owners, slaves, nothing new about that. So what is Paul saying? If he's not setting up some kind of dogmatic chain of command, what is he saying? And the key Verse is found here, look at Ephesians Chapter 5. Stay with me! This is rich territory. 'Nuff said! Verse 18: "And do not be drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit".
Now somebody said, "Well, being filled with the Spirit is like being drunk". No, it's the very opposite of being drunk. When you're drunk, you don't hear very well. You certainly don't see very well. You can't speak very well, and you certainly don't have compassion over anybody else. That's being drunk. Being filled with the Spirit, you've got new ears; you've got new eyes; you've got a new tongue, and you've got new compassion over everybody else. It's totally different. He says, "Don't be drunk like you used to be". He said, "Be filled and you're brand new". And by the way, "be filled" is a command, and it's a command, it means "continually keep on being filled". But it is in the, the passive voice. It means you don't command, "Fill me, Lord"! It's not something you do. It's not something really you request be done. You make yourself as a Christian available to be filled. That's how it happens.
"I am available to be filled by the Holy Spirit. I don't command it. There's nothing I can do to get it. I'm just available as a son and daughter of God". It's availability to be filled by the Holy Spirit. See, that's different. Filled by the Holy Spirit. And it's like wind is filling a sail... When, when a sailboat is tracking, some of you know, you go sort of diagular with the wind, or even against the wind, and what happens? The wind fills the sail and it fills a vacuum behind the sail, and the wind doesn't compel the sail-push it forward; it's the vacuum on the other side of the sail that is empty that leads it forward, see? Be filled with the Holy Spirit, little high school physics. God must have known physics. Isn't that amazing?
So the Holy Spirit doesn't drive us so much as it, it le, it leads us... And then the characteristics of a Spirit-filled life. Speaking. You say, "Well, I'm Spirit filled. I've got to speak". Oh no. It's a by-product of being full of, full of the Holy Spirit, full of Christ, full of God, see? I'm speaking. I'm gregarious. And there's singing. And that's what we want. We want our homes to sing. We want our marriages to sing. Maybe not just musically, but to have a rhythm, and a purpose, and a rhyme, and a joy, and a freedom, and a light in it! We ought to-we're, we're singing now. The Spirit gives us ability. It's just a natural-we can't help but sing and, and work things out together. Then there's thanking. There's gratitude. I like to be around people who are grateful. "Man, I'm thankful for this... I'm, I'm thrilled with this. I thank God for that. I am privileged to be your friend..."
I love being around people... an attitude of gratitude is a distinguishing mark of a Christian. And then finally, look at this Verse. Here's our Verse we've been trying to get to all the time. Look at Verse 21: "And be subject to one another in the fear, in the worship, in the reverence of God". In other words, it says we are to be mutually submissive to one another and to be subject means to position yourself under-listen carefully: To be subject means to position yourself under. And then you have the very next Verse. It says, "Wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord". You notice in your Bible, the word "subject" is in italics? It's kind of written different? Do you see that? Look at your Bible. You know what that means? It's not there in the original. It's not there-it was added. Oh, oh-really? Yeah. Look how it would be translated. It said, "Wives, be to your own husbands as to the Lord".
I've married a lot of couples say, "Well, boy, you gonna put that part in there about the wives, wives being submissive, pastor"? It's not in the Book. Not in the Book. It says, "Wives, as un to the Lord..." Before you run off and say, "He doesn't know what he's talking about..." Stay with me. I'm going to show you something else, "for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of, head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body; but as a church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wife as Christ loved the church". Now watch this! This is important. The Verse says, "Be subject one to another" right? You get that Verse? Other words, we're to position ourselves under one another. Okay? Then it says, "Wives, as unto the Lord", and really, it would say, "Husbands as unto the Lord".
Now I want to ask you something: How did you get under the authority of Jesus Christ? How'd you get there? Did Jesus come and say, "I'm taking authority over your life. I am your Savior and your Lord"! Didn't happen that way, did it? How did you and I become subject to the Lord? It's when we bent the knee, and it's when we placed ourself under Him as our Lord and our Savior. How did the Lord reach a place where we placed ourself under Him? Did He come out of Heaven and God say, "This is My beloved Son. You bow and scrape to Him. He is in charge! He is the ruler of the universe"! What did He do? No! God in Christ came and placed Himself with us, under us. Took our sin upon Himself. Died for us. Jesus came under us, and He made such statements as, "The first shall be last, and the last shall be first".
Whoever heard of such a thing? "If you lose your life, you'll find your life..." Man, that's crazy thinking! "Somebody asked you to go one mile; go with him two miles"! What kind of deal? How did Jesus come to a position of Lordship over the church? He placed Himself under by the giving of His own life and His blood. Hhhmm..... So what does this say about the relationship with the husband to a wife, and a wife to her husband? How is leadership there? It is when we, full of the Holy Spirit, and the fullness of the Holy Spirit as we're available to Him... By the way, its incorrect to say, "There goes a man that's Spirit filled". Oh no. See, we're Spirit filled now. We're Spirit filled now. We're Spirit filled now. It's present. It's ongoing, and when we're full of the Holy Spirit, then we're able to place ourself under our husband and place ourself under our mate, and by the way, to place ourselves under our children.
It doesn't say, parents say, "All right, here's the, the Bible says, 'Children obey your parents.'" Oh no, no, no, no, no! Parents place themselves under their children too, is the way they get to authority and leadership. Say, "How does this work? What gives any parent authority over children"? It's that you love more than your child does. And what is the beginning of wisdom? The beginning of wisdom is humility. If your child has more love and more hu, humility than you do; you need to place yourself under your child and just sit there. "Oh, he's rebellious"! Doesn't matter. Just place there and just listen, because your child may have more of godliness than you do. Unless we have the faith of a child, the humility of a child, the purity of a child... so parents have to get under their children to this extent and be humble enough to see and discern how God has bent their life.
The wisest thing anybody can do is to be humble. That's the wisest thing any of us can do, and we have to be humble enough, even to get under our children. Now look what happens when a wife gets under her husband, and a husband gets under the wife, and this whole attitude of submission and submissive... I want you to see what happens. Look at your screen, and I want you to nail down these words. This is what happens, first of all. Look at it: "When the wife places herself under her husband and puts to his service everything about her that is female, to enable her husband to become everything God created him to be..."
Now watch this. That's, that's not double talk. Stay with me. I want you to na... forget everything, but remember this: When a wife places herself under husband-submissive, subjective to him-and gives to her husband everything that is female about her-not just physical-everything-men need everything that is female to be in service to their life. Then look what happens: Then the man is enabled to become everything God wants him to be. Now, flip it over. When the husband places himself under the wife-look at it-and puts to her service everything about himself that a male is... In other words, here is a husband who places himself under his wife and gives to his wife everything that is male about him; wives need that male ingredient in their lives. Then what happens-look at the rest of it. Then his wife becomes everything God intended for her to be.
This is revolutionary, ladies and gentlemen! You see, what happens then, we give a chance for God to change your husband and change your wife when we put themselves under them, and there is love there, and there is the fullness of the Spirit there, that we're available for Him to fill and change the curse that is operated, even in homes inhabited by two Christians. And all of a sudden, there is a spiritful home. Let me tell you-that home is electric. God does the changing. And then all of a sudden, the inside of our life is full, and the outside of our life is full, and the inside of you is identical with the outside of you; and the inside of me is identical with the outside of me, and suddenly, we're whole people in a broken world, and we have marriages that are on fire for God.
Charles Spurgeon said, "An angel should be able to visit into a home of Christian people, and that angel should feel right at home". Isn't that it? Place yourself under. You're spirit filled. You're able to do it, and place yourself under. Give, give to your husband everything that is feminine. He needs everything that's feminine. And then you become all God intended you to be, wives. Men, place yourself under your wife. Give to her everything that is masculine, and then guess what? God will make her into that person that He intends for her to become. He does the changing. He's the only one does the changing. We can't cover it up; we can't fix ourselves. We certainly can't fix anybody else. God does it. God does it... and this revolutionizes marriage. How do you sum it up? Well, I want everybody here to become a glass octopus. Hhmmm... I want you, I want to become a glass octopus.
You say, "Well boy, that's great..." Now if you know anything about octopuses-by the way, that's the right, that's the first pronunciation-octopuses. It can be octopi, I guess, you know... but octopuses. Octopuses generally stay at the bottom of the sea. They're dark; they camouflage themselves because they're leading uh, they're food for sharks, so they, and they had octopuses... they have those eyes that almost go 360 degrees where they can defend themselves, and they know how to hide and get out of way of those sharks and other, other fish that would prey on them. That's the typical octopus. But there is a glass octopus that's a different species. You, you, you rarely see them. They're almost never photographed because they're virtually translucent.
And the glass octopus, they stay at the surface of the ocean, and they're eyes are, are tubular. They're eyes are little rectangles. They have virtually no peripheral vision, and their eyes look up into the light, and when those eyes look up, they could really be in the middle of a school of sharks and not be seen and be totally safe because they're always looking up into the light. Did you get it? If you and I will look up to God and look up to the light and allow Him, Jesus Christ to come and be Lord and Savior of our lives, because He placed Himself under us on the Cross, and we placed ourself under Him within the church. And then what happens, we're available to be filled by the Holy Spirit, and then I can place myself under my wife, and you can place yourself under your husband. We can place ourselves under the children, and suddenly, there is not a curseful home; there is a spiritful home, and God then will change everything!