Creflo Dollar - Overcoming Trust Issues In Your Relationship
Now here with us today is Tammy Rivera, one of the stars of the hit show "Love & Hip Hop Atlanta", mother to beautiful 10-year-old daughter, and wife of an international music artist who is also here with us today, Waka Flocka Flame. And today Tammy is going to talk to us about the power of prayer and her husband's life. Tammy, Waka, welcome to the "Your World" show. Now it's just that. It's your world. So we want you to take us into your world. What is it like to be the wife of a recording artist, hip hop, famous guy? I know we had to keep the schools from coming here today. There were three high schools that wanted to come because they heard that Waka Flocka was going to be on the show today. We ain't got that many seats. So what are your experiences so far?
Tammy: I mean, it's just like any relationship except for it's just in the public eye. Of course, he's like a big baby, like a big, having another child. Like another 10-year-old.
Creflo: How do you feel about her kind of comparing you to another child or a 10-year-old?
Waka: You know what? Just don't have a feeling. You just let them have it.
Creflo: How long have you guys been married?
Waka: Almost 2 years now. We've been together over 5 years.
Creflo: Five years.
Waka: I've been married since I met her. Trust me it's been like military school.
Tammy: Don't say that.
Creflo: And so you were saying?
Tammy: You have Waka. You have Joaquin. He's all types of personalities. But mostly in our household, it's fun. It's great. Like our love for each other is like crazy. Amazing relationship. But then you have, you know, the road and all the other stuff and you got to fight through all those demons. But for most of all, I mean, I don't see myself being with no one else. I mean, I see me growing old with him. Like...
Creflo: So you know marriages work and you don't mind doing the work, right?
Tammy: I've done a lot of... I've been putting overtime already.
Creflo: But you're committed to the process?
Tammy: I am. Even when I want to give up, there's a lot of times I just feel like, "I can't do this. I'm out the door". But then it's like, I just end up right back. This is where I'm supposed to be, you know.
Creflo: Waka, where are your experiences as far as, all right, you've been married for 2 years, you've known her for 5 years, and you're in this relationship with this woman that you love. What's going on with you in this marriage so far being where you are, dealing with some of the things you have to deal with, and you know that you're committed to this woman?
Waka: Oh, I feel like... I don't got no challenges. But the biggest challenge, if I was to have one, is just being married. I never really had girlfriends in my life 'cause I was still living with my mother. So I am like, "After we go out, we got to go to my mom's house". So having a wife is just like, my mother was like, "That was your woman". So, you know, the beginning of this relationship, that was a battle. My mother cooking. My girl cooking, and now my wife. It's like, you know what I mean? But it's fun, though. It's cool. Like, I never grew up with people married around me.
Creflo: Is it because you didn't grow up with people who were married around you you didn't have like that exposure to what it was supposed to be like?
Waka: You know what it is honest to God truth? It's like breaking a chain. You know, like they say statistics 95% black marriages don't work, 'cause of the man or... To me they want you to believe it so it can really happen. So I just want to prove to people, "Oh, this is wrong". Like I'm not an angel, you know, but it's practice make perfect at the end of the day.
Creflo: Yeah. So how has marriage help you to grow in a sense? I believe marriage makes you better. The reason why I say that is because you're selfish because you're self-centered until you have to consider other people. Now, when you start considering other people, then you're going to find out how selfish you really are. So how have you grown since you've been married? You go first.
Tammy: Well, I think personally with me I had to realize, because he done a lot in the past and are getting to be married.
Creflo: And you appreciate that, right?
Tammy: No, I don't appreciate that.
Creflo: So other stuff he's done, huh? Okay.
Tammy: Yeah. You know, so getting married is like having to be able to let God 'cause as a woman being married, you want especially with him being gone on the road and doing a lot, you want to control the situation and within myself I had to realize I can't have faith in God and then still trying to control his actions.
Waka: Preach.
Tammy: But, you know, that's my battle constantly as marriage. I mean, us being married more so made it official where's though he knows, "Okay, this is my wife. Like I have to respect this". For him I think it makes more of a difference than it, 'cause before we was married, I still felt the same way. Of course he did too. But as far as having that title with him it's like instead of, "You can't do certain things because, you know, this is my wife. I can't". You know, you're not going to do certain things 'cause you have a wife now.
Creflo: So you believe marriage brought some restraints?
Tammy: It brought some restraints. Not enough, but it brought some.
Creflo: Well, Waka, how have you grown since you've been married?
Waka: I'm in jail, bro. Save me, Creflo.
Creflo: You feel like you are in jail?
Waka: It's just like when you are married, it's like the woman they just come with like a certificate of craziness. It's like...
Creflo: In what way? Are you...
Waka: It's a good way. Their food tastes better. The food get way better. But it's just like, you know, a woman, she got to control things. Like a woman, like, when you got out, "Who are you with? Who over there"? If I pick up the phone, I call my brother the engineer. Like she don't play. Like she's not playing. Like it don't matter what it is. Even if I lie, she's going to find out. I don't know how. I don't know who she knows. I don't know who's helping her. She just find out.
Creflo: So do you feel like she trusts you?
Waka: Do I feel like she trusts me? What woman trusts a man?
Creflo: Well, a lot of women trust a man. If you ever get a situation where a woman doesn't trust you, then you're going to get a whole lot of third degree coming.
Waka: You see that scar right here? I woke up with that.
Tammy: You stop lying.
Creflo: So your woman busting you in the head now?
Waka: Yo, the lamp was broke, Creflo. I got a lamp broke. I got the scar. I don't remember.
Creflo: So like I said at the beginning, you guys look like you have a whole lot of fun. And that's good. You need to have a lot of fun. You need to enjoy one another. Especially now that you're young, have fun. But when you deal with a marriage, you are going to have to be committed to the growth of the marriage and to the development of the marriage. Now, when it comes to the roles in the marriage; as far as a wife is concerned and a husband is concerned, what do you do to minister to him to make him better?
Tammy: I tell him things. Like Waka knows if I say something, whether he listens or not, like there's times where I'm like, "Oh, that person is not really a friend", or, "Watch this person. I just get a vibe that I don't like their energy". And he's like, "You are always this". But then he come later like, "Babe how you know"? It's not that I'm trying to control things or say something, it's just I know his heart. I know who he really is, you know, and I know that being on the road and being, you know, in the music industry, like I said, there's a lot of demons that come with that. So you're constantly fighting this life, but you still have this life at home. And where my battle come in, and I'm not saying I do it all the time, is having to pray off, like there's times I'm like, "I can't do it no more. Like it's just too much". And I realize, "Okay, this is what I'm here for". Like...
Creflo: Too much for him or too much for the industry?
Tammy: Too much for me sometimes. You know, like, where I just, they're like your Facebook for a lot. You have the media. For instance, he could go on the road and take a picture with a girl and there's all over the media saying, "Oh, he was with another female", or whatever the case may be. And, you know, there's always truths and there's always lies in things. So with me, like I said, it's battling a lot of scrutiny. Like there's a lot that comes with it. So I have to learn how to just let go and let God but, I have trust issues from the past it's hard to do those things.
Creflo: What have you done to make her better?
Waka: Ain't nothing I can do.
Creflo: There's a lot you can do.
Waka: You know what I can do? Stay home.
Creflo: And that'll make her better. And what you're saying now... I hope you realize what you're saying. What you're saying is, "I feel like there's nothing I can do when I'm away from her because she's kind of frustrated. So if I just stay home, she going to be happy". Is that what you are saying?
Waka: I'm telling you, if it was up to her, I sure don't have to work. She want to take care of me. Deep down in her heart, I'm telling you right now, she don't want me to work. She want to take care of me. Ain't nothing wrong with that, you know. I'm not complaining. But I'm telling you, like I knew she ain't want too much. She want me home, but I know, like, just the life we live, it's just a lot of people depending on me: my wife, my family, friends and their kids and their futures, and it's just a lot. Like if I stay at home, it's just like, you know what I mean? Like, our life cost. Like reality plays a major factor with us and at the end of the day we know what we signed up for. And when you go against what you signed up for, it's like fighting reality.
Creflo: So do you feel like you're the backbone of the family, that, you know, you got to do what you got to do because you have folks to care of?
Waka: I have to, but I love being home though. It's fun.
Tammy: I mean, and it's not that I want to take care of him or that I want him home. I understand he has to do what he has to do, but I just want... he put so much effort and energy into his work. You know, put that same energy into your household, put that same energy into becoming a better man for our marriage.
Creflo: So do you feel like you're getting the leftovers?
Tammy: Sometimes.
Creflo: Okay, so he'll go out, he'll put his major energy into what he's doing in his craft and then he come home tired and you get the leftovers?
Waka: Oh, Creflo startin' problems.
Creflo: Now let me ask you something. You've already said you have trust issues and you don't know how accurate he was when he said demons because demons do cause people to have influence in the way they think about certain things, especially from your past. But what does he have to do to give you evidence that he can be trusted? What does he need to do?
Tammy: Honestly speaking, I don't think there's anything that he can do personally. It's really a growing process. It really comes with change, like complete change. Like...
Creflo: On his part?
Tammy: On both of our parts 'cause there's some issues, like I said, that I have and I can't completely trust him if I don't let those things go either. So I'm not just putting it all on him like I really want to.
Creflo: Okay, top three things you need in order for you to resolve this trust issue. Top three things you need in order to resolve this trust issue.
Tammy: Consistency.
Creflo: Consistency on his part?
Tammy: Yes.
Creflo: In what area?
Tammy: In every area.
Creflo: Number two.
Tammy: Honesty.
Creflo: Number three.
Tammy: Being present more. Like together more.
Creflo: So what you're saying is, "I need these things in order for me to deal with it. It's not debatable". You're saying to your husband, "This is what I need from you in order for it to work". All right, so I'm going to ask him the same thing because it takes two to dance, and you just expressed your needs and he heard it. So I'm going to ask you to express the three things you need from her in order for this trust issue to be resolved.
Waka: You know we're going to argue after this, right?
Creflo: I promise you where I'm going with this, I think I'm going to help you. Three things you need in order to resolve this trust issue.
Waka: I don't think it's three things. It's just one. Understanding.
Creflo: So you just said you don't need...
Waka: Understanding. Like I was raised by a woman so I know a woman never let nothing go. They always let it go for the moment, but...
Tammy: Be careful. There's a lot of women in this audience.
Creflo: So you ball all of these women right up here talking about, "I don't know what you're talking about. I can let something go".
Waka: No, no, no. They can say whatever they want to say. I'm telling you, I was raised by one. I know what's going on. Like a woman can let something go, but it always altered. They add it to their ways, their beliefs, their thinking. And no matter what you say or what you do, you always in the back of their mind of that person. Even if you have like one little spice or symptom of it. "I knew he was doing it to the whole time".
Tammy: 'Cause they put you back in that mind frame. Like if you show a symptom, if we've been here and I know that you've used to doing this, soon as you show a symptom, of course it's going put me all the way back into, "Okay, I remember when he did this and he made me feel this way".
Creflo: You need a new history. Once you do something, then you're going to have to build a new history block by block. Because no matter what you do, you're right, it's still in their mind. The hurt, the disappointment is still in their mind. So what your husband's asking for, he's like, "I want understanding". All right, so that's what he said he needed. All right, now I'm going to say something now because you said what you needed; three. He says, "I just need one thing. Some understanding". Now before we decipher that and debate it and all that other kind of stuff, I want to say something. I don't want you to ever forget this as long as you live because this is how it works. How he treats you is none of your business. Your business is how you treat him. How she treats you is none of your business. Your business is how you treat her. Now watch what happens now when you put this together. When you get so busy treating one another and respecting one another and you're not looking at yourself, you've dismissed selfishness and your total focus is one another. So all of a sudden, you know, I had this thing where I went before God. "God, Taffi this. And, God, Taffi that". He said, "That ain't none of your business". See, while you're getting hurt and offended by what she's doing to you, you're forgetting about how you need to treat her. And if you will treat her the way she needs to be treated, you automatically get what you need. And so what happens is we spend so much time concerned about how we're being treated we forget to treat one another with the respect that we need to have. Does that makes sense to you? And so what happens is... now easier said than done. But I tell you, if you do it, you will discover a whole new level of intimacy in your marriage that you didn't even know was there because it builds character in you and all of a sudden... see, self-centeredness is the reason for bitterness. Even thinking about what people say about you, you have to be self-centered in order for it to affect you. But if you pull yourself out of the center, it doesn't mess with you. See, when you're thinking about, "Well, you know, I don't appreciate what they said about me. I'm hurt". That's 'cause you in the center. Take yourself out the center, focus on that other person, and what they do won't affect you the way it's affecting you when you're in the center. Now, all couples think, "I deserve this and I deserve that, and it's your fault and this. But you hurt me and but you did that to me". And you can just keep going on because what happens is your emotions now take control. I guarantee you, if he won't think about himself and he come home and think, "Let me run this water for her. Let me go get this food for her. Let me do what I need to do for her", then you're going to come home thinking, "God, dog, he did that for me? Let me do this for him. Let me do that". And you're so busy trying to meet one another's needs you don't have time to think about your own.
See, what happens sometimes, especially in celebrity marriages... you already got a spotlight on you. What you go through, you can't go through privately. If it gets out, you got to go through with everybody else in the whole world, and that's something that you don't want to invite the whole world. You want to have a sense of, you want some anonymity in your marriage. There's certain things you want to keep off limit. It ain't nobody's business but mine. And so understand in his profession, it's what you got to do in order to do what's got to be done. Am I right? I'm an old dinosaur, but I know if a football player is a football player, there's certain things he's got to do. If a rapper is a rapper, there's certain things he got to do. He's got to have the image. He's got to have all that stuff, and I know you understand all that, okay? You don't think she does?
Tammy: I get it. Let me explain to you my whole thing, my outlook on that. It's a job, right? You done did all the partying. You done did all the, you know, wild boy stuff. You done did it. It's repetitive. So he, you know, constantly do it. So now at this point, if there's things that's going to get you in a situation, block it. I understand you got your homies with you. When you're performing, you got to have your team with you. It is fine. You know, you guys having fun, but certain things need to be blocked. For instance, if you're doing a show, of course there's girls everywhere. You got your homies with you. Tell them, "Look, y'all take them girls and y'all go this way. Don't bring them back to the hotel where I'm going to be staying at". Just because if they, for instance, there's a tour bus full of people. If one person do something, they're not going to blame that one person. It's going to get him. You know what I'm saying? And then that affects me. Like you were saying earlier, "Oh, you're lame if you do this. You're lame". And I think sometimes he still get that. Like, you know, "I want to see if I still got it. Well, I can't be looking, you know, crazy". You do, huh?
Waka: Creflo, not to cut off, right? One thing she got to realize, like, I'm not another artist. I'm known to be Waka Flocka. I'm fun. I'm cool. I'm this, that, and third. That's cool. I get it. You know what I'm saying? But like she said, we go to the hotel. I'm sleeping on room 12. I can't tell these boys what to do on level six. Like I can't, "Yo, don't bring no girls here".
Tammy: What happens is one girl will make her way up to room 12 and take a picture while he sleep. That happen. It can happen.
Waka: That was before you. Listen, these girls play games. Like, there was this one girl, right? Yo, I don't know where she came from and what she was doing. Mind you, she cool with the promoter. So everywhere I'm going, I'm doing a feature, she taking pictures, but she send them to Tammy like she with me.
Tammy: She's taking pictures of his suitcases in his room. See, that's where I say now that's the devil 'cause I'm at home chilling in my happy zone and...
Creflo: I hear what you are saying...
Waka: She's stealing my pictures acting like it's hers. She's using reverse psychology on my wife and it's working.
Creflo: But here's the deal. Here's the deal. She got to be able to trust you enough to know that even when some girl comes around you, I'm married to you. So what she needs, she needs to be valued. The worst thing in the world is to devalue a woman. If that woman feels devalued, she's going to grow claws and she's going to have problems with everything that you do. So how do you value her? It's to say, all right, there will be situations like that that will happen, but it's to say this. "Look, I respect our marriage. I respect you. I want you to understand I will never disrespect you. In whatever happen, I'll figure out what I need to do so that it won't happen again". It's just giving her value. You don't want to just kind of brush it off and make her feel like, "Well, you ought to just deal with it. I don't know how it happened, and it is what it is". Because all of a sudden she's going to feel like, "Well, you know, you ain't valuing me". This really, really has a potential to being something serious in this marriage. It has a big potential, and you've got to figure out how are we going to deal with something like this. Can she trust you?
Waka: If she can't trust me, man, what are we doing?
PART 2
Creflo: Welcome back. You know, I don't know if I've done an interview like this before, but I sure have enjoyed it. You mentioned somethin' I would love to hear about. How did y'all meet?
Tammy: We were, I was, it was, my first...
Waka Flocka: South Beach?
Tammy: Yes, South Beach, Miami. It was my first time in Miami, and when I first met this man, the first guy I met, he told me, "You gon' be my wife". He was crazy. I'm like, "This man don't even know me". Like, he told me, he was like, "You gon' be my wife".
Waka Flocka: But she say though...
Tammy: Yeah, I mean...
Waka Flocka: Yeah.
Tammy: I mean, I liked you. I was walkin' down the street, and he was comin' the opposite direction, and when I looked up, somebody just grabbed my hand, and I looked up, and it was him. He would not, like, if you wanna be honest, he would not let me out of his eyesight. Like, the whole night, he just would not let me go.
Creflo: So you blew his mind? That's what happened?
Tammy: Pretty much, I think. He said it was love at first sight but...
Creflo: Was it love at first sight?
Tammy: This could be like Maury. We're gonna have two different...
Creflo: No, tell the truth. Was it love at first sight?
Waka Flocka: Yeah, I loved her immediately, but ain't have to go how she's sayin'. Ten-minute conversation...
Tammy: No, you made me go with you everywhere.
Waka Flocka: You feel what I say, Creflo?
Creflo: I hear you. I'm not lookin' at somethin' that's, you know, messed up, but I am lookin' at some serious concerns, and the concern is, when you've been hurt one time, hurt people wanna hurt people. When you walk in distrust, you can create an atmosphere of distrust, and so it's important that the marriage be valued above all of the things that you both do.
Tammy: Above everything.
Creflo: "That this is the most important thing besides God in my life". Now, I'mma tell you how he feels like 'cause I'mma tell you what he feels like. He feels like, all right, when you say stuff like that, it's like, "Why you got to say that"? 'Cause a man don't wanna hear about any potential mistakes that he would like to make. What he wants to hear is that, "You know what? I support you. I'm gonna be there for you, and help me trust you more by doing, A, call me with this; B, do this". And then what he's saying is, "Trust me. Don't go onto social media to try to find out what I'm doin'. Call me and ask me 'cause I respect you enough to tell you the truth".
Waka Flocka: She don't believe it.
Creflo: But if you don't talk to her, explain to her, show her your willingness to value her, then she gonna think always the bad things about you, and that's gonna feed into that lack of trust, and all of a sudden, see...
Tammy: Making sure that it never happens again, assuring that. See, that's the thing.
Creflo: And you wanna be able to trust that he's gon' do somethin' about that.
Tammy: Exactly 'cause these cases, they accumulate, and I feel like, if someone knows that there is never, and I do the same thing now since I've been on the show. I have hostings where I host parties. There is never a way I would ever let any man, first of all, 'cause I respect myself first, disrespect my husband in a way of even takin' an inappropriate picture or even being able to go back and say, "Hey, your wife even looked at me a type of way". No one should feel comfortable enough to come to me, like, for instance, he said the female that was taking pictures, and for her to... she's around. I'm believin' it because of...
Waka Flocka: Well, she looked like Darth Vader too.
Tammy: It doesn't matter what she look like.
Creflo: And so you're wonderin', "Why do you think I even wanna have anything to do with this person"?
Tammy: It doesn't matter she looked like Darth Vader. Stop. Why're you tryin' to make this a joke? I'm serious. So she comes. She sent me a picture once. She said, "Okay, I was in his hotel room". He said it was a promoter's friend. Cool. She's able to go, weeks later, and be able to do the same thing, and then a third time.
Waka Flocka: Not in a hotel room.
Tammy: Not in a hotel. No, a studio.
Waka Flocka: I'm in a studio. I'm asleep.
Tammy: So wouldn't you believe that if...
Waka Flocka: Four in the mornin'. I'm doin' a show. I'm doin' a feature. I'm fallin' asleep. Like, I don't know what's goin' on, no, who here, what's goin' on. I know a brother here, but this promoter girl, from the opposite of the room is takin' a picture. I'm like, "Look at this, man. How is this possible"?
Tammy: What are the odds of this person bein' around each time, and you're allowin' this to happen?
Waka Flocka: Nobody doin' no shows. I mean, I do, like, 400 shows a year. I can't help that. I don't know if I'm havin' the best parties, but, of course, there's gon' be some wild stuff. I might get caught in a picture, all the way in the back like Waldo, but it's my fault, but I'm all the way back here. She all the way up there. I'm lookin' this way. Well, it's like, "Come on". I can't dodge it. I'm tellin' her I can't dodge it.
Creflo: Well, let me tell ya somethin'.
Waka Flocka: I'm wrong sometime. I'm not gon' lie. I be wrong though.
Creflo: You just, without a shadow of a doubt, took us all the way into your world with the Waldo thing
Tammy: And it's really like it.
Creflo: It is your world. He already took us in there. "I promise you, I got nephew just like this". And I'm just like, "Lord, have mercy". Okay, so here's the deal. I don't know if I've ever done an interview like this before. I love it.
Waka Flocka: I'mma tell you what a woman likes. Step one, to have a trust for a man, you can't search and seek. Like, honestly, like, I'mma say social media 'cause social media out. You can't search, see all the pictures or see who my friends follow or who my friends from, now, you follow and always tryin' to put stuff together 'cause, of course, I could see two cups right here. This is the world, and I can put some truth into it, and out of ten people, I guarantee you, four to five, or six, maybe, might believe that lot. Of course, a lot of folks' accusations have truth in it 'cause you could put people in that bubble, but if you search into and seekin', come on, man, like, for instance, I'll post a picture, right? And I'm in the club while she's FaceTime... My DJ is DJin' it. I text back. I spent on food, smoke, and parkin', hundred dollars, right? Just bein' funny. Somebody, a girl, text, "Honey, I'm over you", "I'm mad", under the picture, all kissy faces. She's like, "Oh, who is this girl? How's she over you"? I'm like, "Are you crazy"? She could be a fan. Like, yo, she thought, like, then she got to the point where she probably send somebody to follow her, figure out how the girl... Now they all arguin'. I'm like, "Yo, what's goin' on"?
Creflo: So what would you rather her do? Call you and ask you...
Waka Flocka: Y'all look on them pictures all the time. I see football players, even celebrities, "Oh, my wife is here, 'women crush Wednesday'". But guess what I don't do? I don't go in this picture and I'm like, "Yeah, you disrespect"...
Tammy: I never do that either.
Waka Flocka: 'Cause I invited that. She got on TV. She became this figure. She became this role model. Now she's appealin' to a man, and I have to accept that because, as a man, I put my wife on it, but she have to accept that too, her husband is appealin' to a lot of women. She have to accept that.
Tammy: And that is no problem with me.
Waka Flocka: You follow what I'm tryin' to say?
Tammy: That is absolutely fine...
Waka Flocka: You have to accept it.
Tammy: But a woman's intuition, they'll never lie. Let me just tell you that.
Waka Flocka: That's a lie, man.
Tammy: No, it's not a lie. Now we can talk to that. None of that even matters 'cause, at the end of the day, like I tell people, I have people ask me all the time, "Oh, well, why do you stay with him if you think he's gonna cheat"? or "You know, if you don't trust", I can't, or, oh, he's doin' this, so why you stay there?
Creflo: I was gonna ask that question.
Tammy: Because I believe in God, and for me to say...
Waka Flocka: Woo.
Tammy: For me to say that I don't believe that he could change, I've seen him change. He's changed tremendously since I've met him. Oh, this man sittin' here now was nothin' like the man I met five years ago whatsoever. He's changed a lot, and just in that, I thank God for that. He even have a relation with God now, and that's amazing, and I love that. So for me to say that I won't believe that he will never stop cheating, then it's sayin' I don't believe in God because I know he can change anything. So I know that I'm here for a purpose. I know my marriage is gon' work because God put us together.
Creflo: So where right now is your relationship with God right now?
Tammy: I think it can always be better.
Creflo: 'Cause we gettin' ready to see some real interesting changes in the world, your marriage, your life, your trust where he's concerned, because here's the deal: We all came up in a church that said, "You gotta do good in order to get good. If you do bad, you're gon' get bad", and that's under the law. As a result of Jesus, we're under grace, and the grace of God is all about what Jesus has done, and then we have faith in receiving what he has done. God's not a destroyer. God's not a killer. God's not tryin' to make people's lives miserable. God's not even in a bad mood. God loves us, and he wants us to have the very best in our lives, and, you know, once you make Jesus the Lord of your life, you know, you're in. That's as simple as that, and what happens is, once you receive the identity portion, "You know, I'm in Christ", then your behavior lines up. Well, most people, they try to change their behavior instead of allowing God to show them their identity. Once you know who you are, your behavior will change. So what I am saying is, don't ever let your behavior tell you that you're not who you are in Christ Jesus, but if you're not careful, you'll let your behavior start dictating to you who you are, and you're not. You are in Christ Jesus. You need to grow some more. Maybe you need to get over this. Maybe you need to get over this, but once you get saved, you're in Christ Jesus, and when you believe that and continue to grow, then your behavior will change. So where is God, have I described it that "I have a serious relationship with God, and I'm not perfect", nobody is, "but at the end of the day, I know who I am, I trust him, he's my Lord and my personal Savior, and I trust him to make me what I need to be in my life"? Am I pretty accurate with what I'm sayin' right there?
Tammy: Yeah, you make sense. Good.
Creflo: So, in this, you know you're gonna encounter all these other people now who are gonna try to destroy that. You'll hear things like, "You ain't saved. Look at how you're behaving". And what you've gotta trust is "I am saved, and be patient with me because God's workin' on my behavior. He's gonna make me what I need to be", okay?
Tammy: And that's why I need to let go. I really feel like there's nothing more as a wife that I can do besides trust him.
Creflo: So what's the answer? What do you do?
Tammy: Only thing I can do is pray. I don't know what else to do.
Creflo: Well, here's the deal. You trust God, okay? And that means there's no such thing as trust without rest. I enter into a rest, and I say, "You know what? I'm gonna trust God. I'm gonna trust", you trust God. See, I trust God more than I trust my wife.
Tammy: Right.
Creflo: Because I can trust God, I can trust my wife.
Waka Flocka: That's how I feel.
Creflo: And because my wife trusts God, she can trust me. So even if I think I wanna go do somethin', because of her trust for God, he gon' make sure I'm taken care of and do what I'm supposed to do. And so you gotta let that go because that could be tormenting.
Tammy: It is.
Creflo: You could be at home, being tormented while he's out doin' stuff that's probably not nothin' what you think he doin' but, you know, and you think, "Well, you know, he did it here. He did it here. He did it here. How come he won't do it here"? Well, that's what I'm saying. At the end of the day...
Tammy: It's out of my, there's nothin' that I can do to change that anyway.
Creflo: Right, you got to decide, "I'm gonna either trust God and rest or leave".
Tammy: Right.
Creflo: And if you're committed to this marriage like you say you are, then "I'm gonna trust God", "I'm gonna rest", "I'm gonna consider him more than I consider myself", all the things we talked about. And I guarantee you, those things change a man. A man cannot stay the same because he gon' come home more often. He just can't stay the same 'cause "I can't believe this wife, first of all, trusting God, she ain't naggin' me no more". "Nag" is a strong word. Is "nag" a strong word?
Tammy: It's a strong word.
Waka Flocka: Well, no, it's the accurate word.
Creflo: It's a accurate word?
Creflo: So, by doin' that, you are putting your trust more in God where he is concerned.
Tammy: Right, and not more into him than...
Creflo: And more in him, and then your inner torment...
Tammy: I know that's the issue that I have to deal with.
Creflo: Yeah, your inner torment.
Waka Flocka: Yo, Cre, I'm tellin' you, I could go out, right? Talkin' about, she go, "Why you wanna talk like that"? He's, "Babe, thanks". Like, "Babe"? "Babe".
Tammy: He is such a liar.
Waka Flocka: Oh, it's like this, like, she could say, "Oh, I'm out of here. I can't tell", I'm like, "I know you're not goin' nowhere". But it ain't because I'm cocky and American. 'Cause I have faith in God. I know she's not goin' nowhere.
Creflo: So you value this marriage?
Waka Flocka: Yeah, of course. We're displayed, we're on television like, find value? I would've never put her on television, sayin' it's my wife. Like, I don't know what she's thinkin', like, sometimes she think like, "Nobody know you", "I'm your wife", or...
Tammy: No, I did not say that.
Waka Flocka: "He don't feel like we married". Like, who don't feel like we married?
Tammy: I don't say that.
Waka Flocka: I've been, oh, over a year, but people are like, "I love your wife". Like, old people, young people, it don't matter. Like, I'm like, "What more can I do"?
Tammy: I don't care but, see, he think... No, that's, I don't care about what people, Prestivo, people knowin'. I care about what he's doing to make our marriage 'cause a million people can come to me and say, just like a man can come to you and say, "Oh, you're so beautiful". It doesn't mean nothing to you, but when your husband tells you, it means everything, so that's my whole...
Waka Flocka: Oh, so I don't tell you, you're beautiful?
Tammy: No, you tell me that all the time but...
Waka Flocka: All right, cool.
Tammy: There was a point in my life where I didn't even believe when he said it because I'd have seen him say it to so many other women, before.
Waka Flocka: But it's not...
Tammy: But I've gotten over that, but that's my whole point that I was tryin' to make to you.
Waka Flocka: Yo, Creflo, she's mad at me for bein' appealin' or havin' girlfriends. Like, I ain't doin' nothin' wrong. I'm just sayin', like, female friends. That's a girl friend. I'm not sayin' a woman, that's a girl friend. That's a guy friend. "This is my homie. This is my guy friend". Like, it's not my fault that I'm just a cool dude.
Tammy: But you have a past.
Waka Flocka: Yes, not my fault I have a past, yo. I'm a rock star. I was a rock star. It's not fault, but I'm a man though. You follow what I'm tryin' to say?
Creflo: You don't wanna be judged for your past.
Waka Flocka: I don't care though. At the end of the day, you can't tell me nothin' about Waka. Can't nobody ever walk by and "I can't stand him". Guess what? In my mind, I heard it all my career. You follow what I'm tryin' to say? "Oh, Waka, you this", or "you that", and then you'd add a third, but I guarantee you, you can't stand in a conversation with me. You understand what I'm sayin'? When I get in front of people and get to talkin', they be like, "Who is this guy"? And I've been this guy the whole time. It's just that you seen a book and thought that was a negative cover. Now people don't take the time, don't take the initiative to sit down and talk and explain they self, like, people just don't understand me. You can't understand me because I'm not the typical artist. I don't wanna hang in here. I don't wanna wear the same Cuban link chains. I don't wanna hang in the strip club. Well, I like stayin' in the hood. That's the stuff I love to do. I love the streets. I love to be intimate with people. I take pictures of people 'cause I love the people. They put me where I'm at. So at the end of the day, you can't predict my move 'cause I don't know my next move. I'm goin' with the flow. That's what God did. I didn't wanna be a rapper. I didn't wanna be an entertainer. To this day, I didn't. All I wanted to do was change my situation. I don't want a hundred million dollars. Till today, I still don't. I just wanna live my life. But like I tell her, you can never imagine what I got to face every day. You can't imagine it, but in your mind, you feel like this is all that goin' on: girls, girls, girls. Man, I'm not come for these women. I'm gon' pick this bag up. Me and my brother, we tryin' to get another bag 'cause these bills just flowin' in. You follow what I'm tryin' to say? But the woman don't understand that.
Tammy: I understand all of it 'cause I'm the one that prayin' for you when you goin' through all of that.
Waka Flocka: All she understand is I'm goin' to a party. I wanna have fun. I wanna party. I wanna have fun.
Creflo: But the way you just articulated yourself, what you just said is stuff that she needs to be assured of all the time. So what do you pray for?
Waka Flocka: I'm not a angel though. I be doin' wrong things. I admit it.
Creflo: I know.
Waka Flocka: A'ight.
Creflo: What do you pray for?
Tammy: I just realize...
Waka Flocka: No, he asked you what you pray for.
Tammy: I'm about to tell him right now. I just realized that my...
Waka Flocka: What you pray for?
Tammy: I'm telling him. Behave.
Creflo: He really wanna know what you prayin' about.
Waka Flocka: I pray for...
Tammy: No, what I pray for, my prayer that I say is "Lord, if this the man that you have for me, change him, and if it's not, then reveal it so that I can move on". Now I realize that what I need to pray, strength for my marriage 'cause we already there, but at the end of the day, I believe in my marriage, I do. I know that a lot of my struggles come from me putting more trust into him or having more of a relationship with him than I do God.
Creflo: Yeah.
Tammy: Now, I am aware of that. I'm very aware of that, and even when we do go through our things and I'm talkin' to God, I be feelin' like God is tellin' me, like, "See? He can hurt you. He's man, but I'mma always be here". And at the end of the day, I go right back, and I'm asking God again, but when things are okay or when I'm in a good mediation, like, a good point in my life, I don't have that same relationship that I have with God. So I know a lot of my faults come from that as well.
Creflo: Do you believe that God is being faithful and that you have seen some changes in him
Tammy: Yes, I have, I, 100%, like, have. When I first met Waka, he wouldn't even talk about God.
Creflo: See, 'cause I can sense his heart.
Tammy: Yeah, he has a great heart.
Creflo: I mean, he's got a big heart.
Tammy: Yeah.
Creflo: I mean, I'm telling you. You know, he can sit here. He could be funny and hilarious and serious, but at the end of the day, the guy loves people.
Tammy: He's a good man, and I tell him that all the time. I tell him, "You're a good man. You just need to work on bein' a good husband".
Creflo: Is this the woman that you can live with, or is this the woman that you can't live without?
Waka Flocka: So, I gotta think about this.
Tammy: Oh, really?
Waka Flocka: No, I ain't gon' lie. I can't even live, this is really my best friend. Like, she's cool. Like, sometimes we don't talk as husband and wives. Like, she's really cool. With me, it ain't about the best-lookin' girls, and I'm not into that 'cause you grow up, you start seein', like, these fine women, they can't even cook.
Tammy: So I'm not fine?
Waka Flocka: You beautiful. It's a different...
Tammy: Oh, okay.
Creflo: So what if she gets 280 pounds? You gon' stay with...
Waka Flocka: But she's not. I love her. She ain't gettin' like that, bro. We like...
Creflo: Hey, if that happens, you'll stay home a little more, right?
Waka Flocka: If she 280, I'mma be 380, 'cause then, we just fell out. I'm just sayin'.
Tammy: Go on.
Creflo: Yeah, y'all gon' be a'ight. Okay, one more question I wanna ask each of you. Where does God fit in your future?
Tammy: In our future?
Creflo: Mm-hmm, I know where it fits now. You've explained that, where it is now, but even more so, in your future.
Tammy: I mean, I honestly feel like there is nothing that we do, period, and, like, without havin' a relationship with God, whether it's our career or our family, whatever... nothing. So there is no future without God...
Creflo: Mm-hmm, that's good.
Waka Flocka: You know, for me, personally. Now, if I can display that more, then I'll, you know, well, I never had my relationship with God. I always am transparent with it, I don't care what I'm doin'.
Creflo: So what about you?
Waka Flocka: She's, like, no position. God is position.
Creflo: Mm-hmm, explain that a little bit more.
Waka Flocka: At the end of the day, how could you position God? God position you. So by me even voicin' an opinion about where he fit in, it's like I have a choice now. To me, you shouldn't have the choice. That's not a choice.
Creflo: So, with you, it's not where God fits. It's where you fit?
Waka Flocka: Basically.
Creflo: Mm-hmm, the grace of God is God's unmerited, unearned, undeserved favor. It's all of the things that you guys experience. You have to ask yourself, "What did I do to be in this position? What did I do to be able to have this? What did I do to have this opportunity"? And you've gotta realize all good things come from God, and the grace of God positions us in a place, and both of these were great answers. It positions us in a place where we get there and say, "Wow, I don't even deserve this. Why me"? And it's because of God's grace, and I believe, especially with you, you have no idea what God is about to do because what he does is he takes you down a road, and all of a sudden, you turn left and behind a buildin', and you bump into the very reason why you were born, and I think the both of you can prepare yourself to have great influence in the lives of people. I think there are lives that are gonna be changed, not only from your transparency today, but from your future, and your testimonies will be great, and your marriage will be a testimony to that, and all of the things you experience, God's gonna use those things to change lives 'cause I see it in him right now. He's an amazing man that will do some amazing things in the future. I pray that God's anointing will be so strong upon your lives and that you will find yourselves in situations that you will ask, "How did I get there"? But I want you to always remember it's God's grace that allowed you to be alive, that allowed you the opportunities, that even gave you the passion for people, but he didn't give you that passion for no reason at all. He gave that passion to you for a reason. You were attracted to the streets and people for a reason. Now, you watch how God develops that and how he continues to put and increase your desire for people. It's an amazing thing. I would've never believed in a million years that God would wanna use me the way he's usin' me right now. I never would've believed that. My deal was I didn't like bein' around a lot of people in the first place or talk with folks, but I'mma tell you right now, he does very interesting things, and your prayers are not falling to the ground. They will avail much. I guarantee it. Don't you enjoy them and just thank God for 'em?