Craig Smith - Why Your Relationships Are So Important
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So I’d like you to take a trip back in time with me. It’s 67 AD. It’s not a good time to be a follower of Jesus in Rome. A couple of years before this, Emperor Nero kind of launched widespread persecution. So Christians are being arrested. They’re being executed. It’s not a good time to be a Christian in Rome. It’s a really bad time to be a well-known Christian in Rome. And in Rome in 67 AD, there is no better-recognized Christian than the Apostle Paul. Maybe a few years before that, it might have been the Apostle Peter, but he has been executed. Paul’s the number one most recognized Christian.
And so it’s not really a surprise that we find Paul in a prison cell. He’s in Mamertine prison, and it is a cold, dark place. He’s hunched over a stone table, really just a ledge, with a piece of parchment and a candle that is the only light to see by. And he’s writing. He’s writing what will become the book of Second Timothy. But from Paul’s perspective, it’s his last words because Paul knows the end is near. And so he’s writing his last words to his protege, his partner in ministry, his friend. And these are his last words: «For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time for my departure is near.»
Does he know what’s happening? He absolutely knows what’s happening. He says, «I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.» And what I want you to notice is that in his last moments, as he writes his last book and literally the last words of the last book in his last moments, what he’s thinking about is his faith. Don’t miss this. This is really important. As he wraps up his life, he’s thinking about his faith. We run after so many things, thinking that they’re going to matter, thinking they’re going to give us the lives that we want.
But what we find inevitably is what we’ve been saying throughout this series: that in the end, all that matters is do you remember God and people? In the end, all that matters is our relationships, our relationship with God and our relationship with people. And if you want proof of that, then here it is: the last words of the last book in the last moments of the life of the Apostle Paul. And by the way, in just a few days, maybe weeks, he will be marched out and he will be beheaded outside of the city gates. These literally are his last words. And in his last words, what is he focused on? His faith.
As Paul wraps up his life, he’s thinking about his faith. And it’s not how he’s advanced the faith, right? It’s not how he has shared the faith. It’s not how he’s defended the faith. It’s not how he’s moved Christianity from a sect of Judaism to an international religion embraced by people all over the Roman Empire. He’s not thinking about any of those things. What does he say? He says, «I have fought the good fight.»
And by the way, pay attention to the punctuation there: I fought the good fight, followed by a comma. Do you see that? It’s not a period. Sometimes I see Christians put together motivational posters and things like that, and they say things like «fight the good fight"-period. And they’re quoting Paul here. The problem is, it doesn’t end with a period. If I fought the good fight ended with a period, then you’re kind of left with the freedom to go, «Well, the fight could be almost anything,» right? You know, maybe the fight Paul’s talking about is that he has fought against people with bad religious ideas, or he’s fought against people who are trying to pass political moves that are against his faith. Or maybe he’s even fought against people who have bad doctrine within the church, right?
I fought the good fight-it could be anything, right? Except that Paul doesn’t give us that option. He says, «I fought the good fight.» Let me explain to you what fight I’m talking about. He says, «I fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.» That flow is really important because he’s defining what he’s been fighting for. He’s been fighting to finish with faith, not fighting against other people.
Now, yes, Paul corrected bad theology. Yes, Paul confronted sin. By the way, he corrected bad theology in the church; he confronted sin in the church. But when he says the fight of my life, the real battle that I have been engaged in, it was a fight to finish with my faith intact. To get to the end and go, «Jesus, I kept following you,» in spite of all the temptations to go off and do something else that was disobedient and dishonoring to you, I didn’t give in to those; I kept following. And by the way, I think it’s important to understand that Paul wasn’t perfect. You know that, right? Paul was kind of jacked up.
Can I be real with you? I mean, I’m just quoting himself. I mean, it’s a rough translation of his original Greek, but Paul actually said-some of you know this-Paul actually said, «Man, I’m jacked up.» Again, it’s a rough translation of the original Greek. He said, «The things that I want to do, the good things I want to do, I have a really hard time doing those consistently, and the things that I don’t want to do, the sin that I want to avoid, I keep slipping back into that. I’m kind of jacked up.» And can we just be real in all of our campuses? By a show of hands, how many of us can go, «Oh yeah, me too, Paul»? Yeah. So it’s kind of good news that Paul, who recognizes that, doesn’t say, «Hey, I fought to be perfect,» or " I fought to be better than everybody else, and I succeeded.» He just says, «I’ve been fighting to finish. I’ve just been fighting so I can step across the line with my faith intact.»
That’s good news, isn’t it? Because I know none of you, but sometimes Christians are a little competitive, and none of you, but sometimes Christians would be like, «I’m a little better at this whole following Jesus than she is. Have you seen him? He’s really jacked up.» But if anybody finished first, you’d think it’d be the Apostle Paul, right? But he’s not talking about finishing first; he’s just talking about what he finished. I got to the end, and I still had my faith intact. And some of you, that’s good news, because some of you are like, «No, I am really jacked up. I’m a mess.»
And yeah, I totally get what Paul’s talking about, because the stuff I want to do, I can’t seem to make a habit of that. And the stuff I don’t want to do, that seems to be deeply ingrained habits in me. And I’m not — if I get to the finish line, I’m not going to be lunging across the finish line; I’m going to be limping across the finish line. And Paul says, «That’s good enough. That’s what I’ve been fighting for.» He says, «I fought to finish; I fought not against bad ideas and people, and I fought against my own temptations and my own weaknesses and my own struggles. I have been fighting to finish with my faith intact.» And pay attention; it’s the end of his life. It’s his last words. And what’s he focused on? He’s focused on his faith.
As he wraps up his life, he’s focused and thinking about his faith. It’s not his achievements. And by the way, Paul had great achievements. I mean, he had an amazing religious education. It was the envy of the Jewish rabbinic world. He got to sit under the best Jewish teachers of his era, and he was a prodigy. He advanced farther in the Jewish religion than anybody else’s age. He became a leader in the Jewish religion at an unheard-of young age, and then he said yes to following Jesus. He spent the rest of his life going all over the world, sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ-that Jesus came because God loved the world. Jesus paid the price for our sin on the cross. He rose from the dead, and he offers forgiveness for free. He spent his whole life sharing that. He traveled-we figure more than 10,000 miles-sharing that. He planted 14 churches. He wrote 13 books of the New Testament. He did miracles. I mean, Paul raised a guy from the dead.
Now, to be fair, the Bible says he preached so long that the guy fell asleep and fell out of a window and died. And then Paul went down and raised him from the dead. And I don’t know; I feel like if you beat a guy and then you bandage him up, I don’t know, I feel like it balances out, right? If you kill a guy with your preaching and then you resurrect him, it’s impressive. But we have questions, right? But he raised a guy from the dead, and at the end of his life, he’s not like, «I remember that one day,» or «I remember this achievement,» or that, you know what we’ve been saying in this series: «Accomplishments are forgotten; relationships are forever.» And your relationship with God — that’s the most important, the foundational thing.
And so, as he wraps up his life, he’s thinking about his faith. And by the way, it’s not just Paul. I was looking at this recently, but study after study shows that as people age, as they get older, they become more interested in faith. The interest in faith inevitably rises as people get older. And I know some of you are like, «Well, yeah, because they’re getting ready to die,» right?
Of course, people are thinking about their faith when they’re getting ready to die. But here’s what’s really interesting: study after study shows that the fear of death is not what drives the interest in faith. In fact, over and over again, I’m going to put this on the screen because I want you to wrestle with this a little bit. Okay? And this isn’t the Bible, and this isn’t my own experience. This is study after study, scientific study after study; they show the same thing. Okay? And what it shows is that what drives most older people to invest in faith is not the fear of death.
It’s the desire to get more out of life. They’re investing in their faith not because they’re afraid to die, but because they don’t feel like they’ve gotten out of life everything they wanted. And what happens is you get to a certain age in life and you’re like, «I did what the world told me to do. I invested in all the things the world said would pay the dividends of joy, happiness, and peace-and it didn’t happen. It didn’t pay off. The promotion didn’t bring me peace. The car didn’t give me contentment. The house didn’t give me happiness. The job did not give me joy. I got it all. So where’s the payoff? Where are the dividends that I can live on now?» Right?
I’ve been investing in all these things. Like I got my financial 401k, but I’m looking for more than finances, and it’s not coming. And what they find is that investing in faith produces the dividends that everything the world said to invest in didn’t. Amen. Let me say it again; it’s so important. What drives most older people to invest in faith is not the fear of death. It’s the desire to get more out of life because they begin to find that their relationship with God produces what nothing else could.
Here’s the problem, though. Here’s the issue with the fact that it tends to happen kind of late. Like, if somebody came to you and said, «Hey, I’m 62 years old,» and you’re like, «Oh, wow! Okay, so you’re getting close to retirement. How are you doing? How’s your financial preparation for retirement? You’re 62.» And if they looked at you and said, «Yeah, I should probably think about that,» you’d be like, «Whoa, whoa. You’re a little behind the curve,» right? Your financial 401k might be a little underfunded. We would all know that when we’re talking about finances. But what’s often happening is that people get to that same stage in life, and maybe they have the financial 401k; it’s fully funded, but they’re not getting what they expected out of life.
And so they go, «Oh, it’s faith.» But the problem is they’re late. They’re late to the process. They’re late to be putting the money in. And so, I don’t know who needs to hear this, but for some of you, you’re here today because God wants to speak to you and say, " Hey, your faith 401k is underfunded. It’s not going to start paying off the dividends in that moment when you realize all the other investments aren’t either.» And so I want to ask you this question: How are you investing in faith? How are you investing in faith? Because Paul spent his whole life investing in faith, and it wasn’t his achievements because that’s not what he’s remembering. Right? He’s just grateful that God has given him the strength to fight so that he can finish with his faith intact. How did he invest in faith so that he can pull those dividends?
Now let me give you six key investment strategies for faith. Okay? These are six that we talk about here a lot at Mission Hills. We use these as a grid in leadership to think about where we are encouraging people in these six areas. These are six key investment strategies because, like any investment, you need to have a diversified portfolio, right? You invest in several different ways. And so here’s how: if you’re going, «Oh yeah, you’re talking to me, Greg. My faith 401k is underfunded.»
Here’s six ways that you can start to fix that right now. Number one, learning about God. When we learn about God, we are making faith investments. When you go to church and you listen to somebody preach the word of God, you are learning about God. And the more we learn about God, the more we recognize how incredible it is that He wants anything to do with us, let alone that He loves us so much He sent His own Son to die for us. The more you understand how great, powerful, holy, and good God is, the more incredible it becomes that He wants a relationship with us. And yet, He does. Learning about God is an investment in your faith. You can do that by coming to church. You can also do that by reading the Bible. We all have access to the Bible, and you can read the Bible and learn about God. You’ve got podcasts, right? And you can join a Bible study. There are so many different ways to do it. That’s one faith investment strategy.
Another one is spending time with Jesus. Because let me be real with you. It’s one thing to learn about God; that’s a very good thing to do. But sometimes what happens is we learn a lot about God and we don’t spend any time with Him. And that’s a weakness in the portfolio, big time. Because, I mean, listen, you can know a lot about somebody without actually knowing them, right? I mean, if I told you about my wife, Claudia-if I said she has brown hair and brown eyes, she grew up in the Midwest, she loves horses, and her favorite food in the world is seafood-do you know her? No, you just know some stuff about her.
Now the two go hand in hand, right? I mean, just knowing about her doesn’t mean you know her. To know her, you’d have to spend some time with her. But the reality is that if you claim you’re spending a lot of time with somebody but you’re not also learning about them, oh, there’s something wrong with that. Because if you came to me and said, «Hey, tell me about your wife,» and I was like, «What do you want to know?» And you go, «I’m going to start simple. What color is her hair?»
And I was like, «Oh boy, Hmm. Pretty sure she has hair and it’s either blonde or it’s brown or it’s red or I don’t… I’m not really sure.» Like, real quick, you’d go, " I think there’s something wrong in that relationship.» Right? And some people are like, «I don’t want to study the Bible. I don’t read God’s word. I don’t need to listen to sermons. I don’t need to learn about God because I’m just praying and I’m just basking in the presence of the Spirit.» And listen, those are great things to do, but learning about God and spending time should be going hand in hand.
So yeah, maybe you’re on the side like, " I’ve learned a lot about God.» Well, maybe you need to go, «I need to invest in spending some time with Him. I need to invest in prayer. I need to invest in maybe when I go to worship. I go, 'Hey, this is an investment.' This very moment when the song starts, I’m going to go, 'Hey God, I’m going to praise You with this song. I’m going to think about You and think about these words, and I’m going to sing them to the best of my ability. I’m not going to worry about the people around me. I’m going to invest in worship right now. I’m spending time with You.'» That’s one way you do it. Prayer is another way. There are different ways you do it, but it needs to be a balance. And some of you are probably a little on one side or the other. And then those aren’t the only strategies.
Another strategy is connecting with others-connecting with other followers of Jesus. You know, we can learn in rows, but we grow in circles. We grow face to face in relationships with people that challenge us or encourage us, or we can learn from them, and they can learn from us. We do Christianity together. It’s not a solo sport. I think sometimes in America we focus a lot on the idea that a relationship with Jesus is personal, and that’s good, but it’s not supposed to be private. Can I say that? Personal but not private. Not just you. We do this in a relationship with other people. So you might need to join a life group or a women’s Bible study or something like that. Get a group of friends who are committed to following Jesus together. That’s a spiritual investment strategy.
Another one is serving others. Jesus said, «I didn’t come to be served but to serve and to give my life as a ransom for many.» And Jesus says that when we serve others, especially those in great need, we’re actually serving Him. I’m right there. So that becomes an opportunity to invest in spending time with Jesus as you’re serving others. Then there’s living generously with the resources God has given us. We make spiritual investments when we live generously with the resources God has given us. That might be your time; it might be your treasure, your money; it might be your touch. We talk about the generosity of time, treasure, and touch. And by touch, I mean the generosity of spirit. I’m quick to forgive; I’m willing and committed to believing the best about people when I have a question. I’m hospitable. This is a generosity of spirit. But with all the resources, whether it’s our finances, the time that we have, or just this generosity of spirit, we actually, when we’re living generously, are making investments in our faith.
And then the last one is inviting others to find and follow Jesus. Whether that’s sharing our faith or just saying, «Hey, do you want to come to church with me this weekend? We’re going through a series that I actually think might be really helpful to you.» Or maybe it’s, «Hey, I’ve been watching The Chosen on TV, and it’s really interesting. Have you watched it? You want to watch an episode with me? I’d love to talk to you about it and get your impressions.» But it’s those steps towards Jesus you’re taking, and you’re also going, «Hey, would you come along with me?» All of those are good things to do, but more importantly, what I’m saying is they’re investments in your faith. They’re investments in your maybe currently underfunded faith 401(k).
How are you investing in your faith? Paul has been doing this his whole life, and it’s because he’s been doing this his whole life that he’s able to say this. He says, «Now,» and I’m going to stop there for a second, «now.» And remember where «now» is. He’s in a dark moment; he’s in a hard place, right? He’s literally in jail for his faith in Jesus. This is a very difficult moment. And it’s at this moment that he needs to be able to draw on the account, right? And he says, " Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness.»
And by the way, he doesn’t say, «I hope.» He didn’t say, «I’ve done all these things, and I’m hoping God accepts me.» No, he says, «I know.» He says, «Now there is in store for me, no question about it, the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that day, and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for His appearing.» And he does something really interesting here. He’s mixing some metaphors, right? Because he said, «Hey, you know, I’ve been fighting to finish the race with my faith.» And now he says, «And I know that because I’ve done that, because I’ve invested in that faith account, God, through His Son Jesus, is going to put on me the crown of righteousness.»
And by the way, that word he uses there for the crown, it’s not the crown of a king or a ruler; it’s the crown of a victorious athlete. It was the laurel wreath that was put on the head of the winner of the Olympics. What’s interesting is that it’s really a sign of the emperor’s or the king’s favor. So whoever won, they were favored with this crown, but it was really the emperor going, «Man, you’re my man. Good job! I’m impressed.» But what’s interesting-I say it’s mixed metaphors-is that, like, who got the crown in the Olympics? It was one guy; it was whoever finished first. Paul says it’s not whoever finishes first, it’s everybody who finishes. Right? Because what does he say? He says, «And not only me, but also all who have longed for his appearing.»
Everybody who’s got this relationship with Jesus has a crown waiting for them at the end. All you’ve got to do is get across the finish line. And it doesn’t matter if you leap across it or you just barely limp across it. If you get there with your faith in Jesus, Jesus is waiting and he says, «Well done, good and faithful servant.» And you’re like, «Really? Did you see how far back in the pack I was?» And he goes, «Yeah, but you’re here now. You got here with your faith intact.» «Yeah, but I messed up a lot, Jesus.» «Yeah, but you got here to the finish line with your faith intact.» «Yeah, but Jesus, they did so much better, and they got here so much faster, and they were just so much more righteous than I was.» And Jesus goes, «Yeah, but you made it.»
And he gives you the crown of righteousness. And understand, the crown is not the crown that comes because we were righteous; it’s his righteousness that’s put upon us. He goes, «I did the work; I forgave you. You’re not righteous. You don’t belong in heaven because you got so good at being good. You belong in heaven because I did the work for you, and you trusted me, and you made it to the finish line still trusting me. Guess what? Welcome home.» It doesn’t matter if you are first or you’re last; it just matters if you finish. And Paul, because he’s been investing in his faith, knows this truth and speaks it to us. God speaks it through him to us as an encouragement. It’s just that everyone who keeps their faith in Jesus receives the favor of Jesus.
Jesus says, «That’s my girl; that’s my guy. You made it; well done, good and faithful servant.» Don’t miss this. As Paul wraps up his life, he’s thinking about his faith, but it’s not just his faith; he still has a few more words. Here’s how he uses them. He says, «Do your best to come to me quickly.» He’s writing to Timothy. He says, «Get here fast, man! For Demas, because he loved this world, has deserted me and he’s gone to Thessalonica; Crescens has gone to Galatia, and Titus to Dalmatia. Only Luke is with me.» Feel a little bad for Luke, don’t you?
«Only Luke is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you because he is helpful to me in my ministry. I sent Tychicus to Ephesus. Hey, when you come, bring the cloak that I left with Carpus at Troas and my scrolls, especially the parchments. Alexander the metalworker did me a great deal of harm. The Lord will repay him for what he has done. You too should be on your guard against him because he strongly opposed our message. At my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me. May it not be held against them. But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. And I was delivered from the lion’s mouth. The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom. To him be glory forever and ever. Amen.»
Except that I’m not quite done yet. Greet Priscilla and Aquila and the household of Onesiphorus. Erastus stayed in Corinth, and I left Trophimus sick in Miletus. Do your best to get here before winter. Eubulus greets you, and so do Pudens, Linus, Claudia, and all the brothers and sisters. The Lord be with your spirit. Grace be with you all.
Don’t miss this. It’s literally his last words. And what does he do with his last words? He names 17 people by name. He’s thinking about his relationships. Don’t miss this. As Paul wraps up his life, he’s thinking about his faith and his friends. And what have we been saying in this series? In the end, all that matters is God and people. And if you need proof of that, there you go: the last words in the last book, written in the last moments of the life of the Apostle Paul. He’s thinking about his faith, and he’s thinking about his friends, and honestly, a lot of it doesn’t even seem all that significant, does it?
Like, he does some stuff that strikes me as a little bit odd. He’s kind of going through all this, and out of nowhere he goes, «Hey, by the way, when you come, bring the cloak I left. Could you pick up my stuff?» I mean, he goes, «Get Mark and bring him with me because he is helpful to me in my ministry.» He’s mission-focused to the very end, except he goes, " And Timothy, if you could just bring my clothes, that’d be great. Mark’s going to help my ministry; if Timothy could improve my wardrobe situation, that’d be awesome.» It just feels like it’s kind of insignificant, right? It doesn’t have a lot of meaning to it. But I don’t know about you; I believe what the Bible says about the Word of God, which is that it’s from God.
The Bible says that every word in Scripture is actually not only inspired by God but it’s useful for teaching us how to follow Jesus. And I read some of this, and I’m like, «How is that useful? Like, are we supposed to all get cloaks and get other people to bring them to us?» I mean, what? But I know it’s all useful. And so I was praying about this, and I said, «God, would you show me something?» It’s very clear to me that as he wraps up his life, he’s thinking about his faith and his friends. The faith stuff makes a lot of sense, but would you show me what does he say here? And what does it teach us about friendship? And as I began to look at it through that lens, having prayed that prayer, God showed me four things that I want to share with you very quickly.
And the first one is just this: admitting you need friends is wisdom, not weakness. I think we live in a culture that says you’re supposed to be strong as an individual. Like, the lone wolf idea is something that our culture goes, «Oh, that’s epic! That’s glorious!» Except that the Bible’s very clear, over and over again, that we were created to be in a relationship with other people. Like, the Bible says very clearly-let’s not miss this-we were created to have what I’m going to call vertical relationships. That’s a relationship with God. God made us, as the French philosopher Blaise Pascal said, with a God-shaped hole in our hearts. We were created to be in a relationship with God.
And so when God created the first human being, Adam, he had that vertical relationship with God, and it was perfect, and it was pure, and there was nothing wrong with it. And yet God looked at Adam, and he said, «It is not good for the man to be alone.» Well, hang on a second! Adam’s not alone -he’s experiencing this perfect relationship with God that you created him to have and to need. And God said, «Yeah, but he’s also alone,» because God created us with horizontal relationship needs too. Pay attention to that. God created us with vertical relationship needs, but he also created us with horizontal relationship needs-needs for other people. Yeah, there’s a God-shaped hole in every human heart; there are also people-shaped holes in our hearts. And we have all kinds of different relationships horizontally.
Okay, we’re going to talk about these a little bit more next week. Make sure you come back for that. But there are relationships where we’re reaching forward to people that are a little bit ahead of us, right? That’s parents, it’s mentors. There are relationships where we’re reaching back to people a little farther behind us-those are kids or people that we’re mentoring or that we’re pouring into. And then there’s relationships with people we just reach over to, right? It’s your spouse or your friends. But we’re created with all of these needs, and it’s not a weakness to admit that you have those needs. It’s actually wisdom because it’s in admitting those needs that you start to have them met. I love what Paul does; I love the vulnerability of it. He says, «Do your best to come to me quickly. I miss you, I’m alone, I’m hurting, and I need you by my side. I need my friends here.»
That’s vulnerable. He says, «Get Mark and bring him with you because he is helpful to me in my ministry.» He says, «I’m not enough on my own. I need Mark. Would you bring him along, please?» He says, «At my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me.» Do you feel the pain in that? It’s like, «I need people,» and I’m not afraid to admit it. As Barbara Streisand, the great theologian, told us, «People who need people are the luckiest people in the world,» because it’s in admitting that we have needs that we begin to see those needs met. I think it’s so interesting; he says, «When you come, bring the cloak.» That’s actually powerful.
I heard a podcast the other day that said what I thought at the time was the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. They said, «If you want to deepen your relationship with somebody, if you want to take the relationship to the next level, ask them for a favor.» I thought that was stupid. «I am not asking favors of anybody. How would that deepen a relationship? That doesn’t make any sense.» Then I needed to ask for a favor. I built this big table for a friend of mine, and we needed to move it. It was going to take a whole bunch of people because it’s crazy heavy.
One of the people that was going to help me move it into the moving truck had to cancel last minute, so I had to go to my neighbor Dan, which I don’t have a really good relationship with. It’s not bad; it’s just not very deep, right? But I had to go over to him. I was like, «Hey, Dan. How’s your back?» And he goes, «Fine so far.» I said, «Yeah, man, I’m really sorry, but could you do me a favor? Could you come over to my house in a couple of minutes and help me lift a heavy thing into a moving truck?» He goes, «Yeah, okay.»
So he came over, and we did it. It was two minutes, and he left, and I felt so guilty about the whole thing. Then two days later, I was working in my garage, and I looked up from what I was working on, and Dan was just standing at the edge. He came in and said, «How you doing? What you working on? What’s going on?» I was like, «Whoa, you want to chat?» He’s never wanted to chat before. I thought, " Huh, I asked him for a favor, and I got back an opportunity to have a deeper relationship.»
Now, listen, this is not an excuse for you to go home and find your hardest job and call your best friend, okay? That’s not the point. But the point is, I think that people want to feel needed. How many of us want to feel needed, like we have something significant to contribute to our relationship? So when somebody asks you for a favor, you’re like, «Oh, I get to serve this person.» There’s something in us that loves that opportunity. So I don’t think it’s actually just a casual, insignificant thing that he says, «Hey, Timothy, when you come, would you bring my cloak? Because it’s cold in this prison?»
And by the way, winter is coming, and it’s going to give. I need you. People who admit that they need friends are practicing wisdom; it’s not showing weakness. It’s only when we admit that we need it that we find that maybe people are willing to step up and provide it. Another thing God showed me as I read through this is that investing in friendship involves risk. Like, I wish that weren’t true, but it is true, right? He says, «For Demas, because he loved this world, has deserted me.»
That hurt. It was a relationship Paul had invested in, and now, when he needed it most, there was nothing there. That’s going to happen. Okay, look, you know when you go to invest in something, if you open up an investment account, you get a little disclaimer that says all investment is inherently risky. You might make more than you put in; you might take out less than you put in in the first place because it goes down. Investments are risky. I was just closing up my youngest daughter’s college account. We were really late to that; we just didn’t have the money. And so, we opened an investment account the moment we were able to, and I bought some stocks in the hopes that I would make back a little bit.
And by God’s grace, we got her through college, and there was a little bit left over. Not much; just a little bit. But I was kind of closing it out the other day, and as I was looking to sell a couple of the stocks, I realized that one of the stocks had a current value of zero. And I actually tried to trade it, and I was like, «I can’t even trade it-oh, because the company’s defunct.» And I had to call them and go, «Hey, can you just wipe that off the account?» Here’s the thing: I made an investment, and I made no money back on it.
Now, I made several other investments because I diversified the portfolio, and the other investments returned a lot more than I put in, but that one particular one didn’t pay off at all. I wish this weren’t true, but the reality is you’re going to invest in some friendships that are going to be like that. It’s going to be like Demas: I invested, and I got nothing back. Some of them are even worse than that. He says, «Alexander the metalworker did me a great deal of harm.» And sometimes we’re afraid to take the risks and invest in the friendships because, well, what if nothing pans out? Like, what if it doesn’t go anywhere? Or what if it turns around and bites me on the butt? What if it costs me more in the relationship than I invested in it?
I can’t promise you that’s never going to happen. I can promise you, though, that every investment is an investment in something really good-friendships that actually provide more to your life that you desperately need. Not everyone’s going to pay off in the same way, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t find the courage to keep making the investments. The third thing God showed me is that having friends requires forgiveness. I mean, the simple reality that all the investments are risky and some of them aren’t going to pay off means that you’re going to have to deal with those things when they happen-when you get disappointed, right?
And your friends are going to disappoint you. Everybody’s going to disappoint you except Jesus. I’m going to disappoint you. You hear me say it all the time: my hope as your pastor is just that I can disappoint you at a rate you can handle. Sometimes I’m going to say something -you’re going to be disappointed I said it. Other people are going to be really glad I said it. Sometimes I’m not going to say something you think I should have said, and you’re going to get disappointed I didn’t say it. Other people are going to be happy I didn’t say it. This job is exhausting. I’m always disappointing people.
And I tell my friends the same thing that I tell my congregation. My hope is to disappoint you at a rate you can handle. But I’m going to disappoint you, and I know you’re going to disappoint me. But that means that having friends requires forgiveness. I love when he says, «Hey, bring Mark.» Do you know who Mark was? Mark was a guy who abandoned him in the middle of a mission trip. He just up and left. And in the book of Acts, Paul actually says, «Yeah, I didn’t want anything to do with that guy anymore.» You see, he had a falling out with another verse. His friend said, «No, we should take Mark on this next trip.» And he’s like, «No.» Paul’s like, «No, he left us on the last one. Why should we take him on the first one?»
And now, at the end of his life, he goes, «Hey, bring Mark. He’s helpful to me, man.» What happened? Paul forgave him. Somewhere along the line, there was forgiveness, and there was reconciliation, and there was restoration. And now, at the end of his life, he’s like, «Bring Mark. I love that dude. He’s good for me.» He says, «Everybody else deserted me, but may it not be held against them.» What is that? That’s forgiveness. Show me somebody with a lot of friends, and I will show you somebody with a lot of forgiveness. The last thing God showed me here was that healthy relationships don’t expect from others what only God can provide. He says, «Everybody deserted me, but the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength.»
One of the things that goes wrong in our relationships, whether it’s with our friends or our spouses or our kids or our parents, is we’re looking to human beings. We’re looking to the horizontal relationships to give us what is only available in our vertical relationship with God. And when we expect from other human beings what only God can give, they’re going to disappoint us at a rate we can’t handle. But the real problem is the expectation. He didn’t expect his friends to give him the strength that he needed to cross the finish line faithfully. Yeah, they could cheer him on. Yeah, they could encourage him. Yeah, they could challenge him along the way. But at the end of the day, he said, «The strength to finish with my faith intact, that’s only from God.»
Some of you are here today, and honestly, part of the problem you’re having in relationships is you’re expecting from other human beings what only God can give you. And it’s not so much that they’re disappointing you at a rate that they can’t handle; you’re disappointing yourself because you’re looking in the wrong direction. The last words of the Apostle Paul-he’s thinking about his faith, and he’s thinking about his friends, because, as we’ve been saying throughout this series, in the end, all that matters is God and people. Would you say that with me? Let’s say that together: In the end, all that matters is God and people.
So let me ask you this question: How are you going to invest more in your friendships this week? Maybe it’s just being willing to admit you need them. It’s wisdom; it’s not weakness. Maybe it’s recognizing that I need to take a risk and make an investment, even though I’ve been hurt and this is scary. But I need to initiate and try to build a deeper friendship or start a new one. Maybe there’s a forgiveness that needs to be given. Or maybe it’s just that recognition that I’m expecting something of my spouse, kids, parents, or friends that they’re not capable of providing. Only God can give me that.
How are you going to invest in your faith 401(k)? How are you going to invest in your faith this week? That’s the second question. We talked about some opportunities to do that. Which one are you going to take? Would you pray with me? God, I thank you that you will always supply what is needed. We can come to these dark places in our lives, and like Paul, we can have plenty in the account to draw on. We recognize that some of that comes directly from you, and sometimes it comes from people you have placed in our lives when we engage in those relationships in healthy ways. But we come before you today recognizing that our accounts may not be fully funded.
And I just wonder, with every head bowed and eyes closed, just by a show of hands, how many of us would say, «Yeah, my friendship 401(k) is underfunded; there’s something I need to invest in»? Just raise your hands right now. Thanks for that vulnerability. God, I pray that you’d speak in this moment about one of those things that we see in your Word that is required if we’re going to build better friendships, if we’re going to invest in our friendship 401(k). Would you speak to each heart, every hand that was raised? Would you give clarity about which step to take this next week? And some of us, Lord, we recognize that it’s our faith account that’s running low, that hasn’t been invested in, hasn’t been fully funded the way it should be. And so it’s not there to draw on.
And just wondering again, with every head bowed and eyes closed, just by a show of hands, how many of us would say our faith 401(k) is not fully funded? Just slip your hands up. Thank you; I see those hands. Thank you, God. Would you speak to us about the investment strategy you want us to follow this week, and would you multiply the investments we make so that there is more than enough when we find ourselves in need? In Jesus' name, Amen.