Craig Groeschel - When Love Feels Like a Letdown
What’s interesting is that before you’re married, a lot of people have big dreams about marriage; they envision candlelit dinners, Pinterest-worthy homes, well-behaved kids, vacations with sunsets, and matching outfits. Then, you get married, and suddenly it’s like, «Let’s just make it through the week.» Who knows what I’m talking about? Raise your hand if you know what I’m talking about. Type online, «I know what you’re talking about, pastor.» I know what you’re talking about. Let’s just try to pay the bills, keep the kids alive—preferably out of jail.
So many people have big hopes, and then one day they collide with unmet expectations. Sometimes the relationship that you envisioned, dreamed about, and hoped for feels way out of reach. Abram and Sarai, later known as Abraham and Sarah, knew that feeling. They were just like normal people because they were normal people. They had dreams. Then came the waiting, the waiting, the waiting, the disappointment, and the times when it felt like God had completely forgotten them. They faced problems just like the rest of us.
I hate to say this; it’s kind of embarrassing, but it actually brings me comfort to see them go through some of the same things that all of us experience. I mean, they battled with infertility. They had very real anxiety about the future. They had family drama. Anyone have family drama? Do not raise your hand. Do not elbow the person sitting next to you. Just look forward and act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. They had miscommunication issues, lots of waiting, drama, and probably fights over the thermostat. Who knows? If you’ve had big hopes for a relationship and are now living with bigger disappointments, this message will speak directly to you because what God did in their love story, God can do in yours as well. The title of today’s message is «When Love Feels Like a Letdown.»
God, we pray that all of our relationships—our friendships, our ministry relationships, our life group relationships, our dating, and our marriage relationships—would truly honor you. Help us, God, to seek you first and to put you first in all our relationships so that we can know your love, show your love, and share your love. We pray this in Jesus' name. And everybody said, «Amen.» Amen.
All right, let’s dive into the context for this story. Their love story actually starts with a calling from God when God called them, and that changed everything. Now, some of you are going to say, «Okay, good for them, but I didn’t grow up in a Christian home.» And some of you may say, «Well, good for them, but our marriage didn’t start with God.» I want to tell you that neither did Abram. He didn’t come from a Christian family. His family actually worshiped the moon god, which is quite unusual. And yet, God still called Abram even though he had an unusual faith background.
Abram still honored God, and that’s great news for all of us because if you didn’t grow up in a family that knew God or if you have a past filled with dysfunction and patterns that you do not want to repeat, or if you didn’t start your marriage with God at the center, or if you have a relationship today with God not at the center, the good news is it’s not too late to put Him there today. That’s right. God wants to be at the center of your relationships. You may say, «Okay, great. That sounds like something a pastor would say. What does that mean practically? If we’re going to put God at the center of our relationships, what does that even look like?» I want to tell you and try to unpack it a little bit today.
What does it mean to put God first? We don’t just invite God into our relationships; we build our relationships around Him. We don’t just invite Him in, squeezing Him in wherever we can—like we’ll go to church whenever we can if the game’s not on, if the weather’s not bad, if it’s not too nice out. We’re definitely going on Christmas and Easter, and we will pray over our Thanksgiving meals. Yes, that’s not putting God first. It’s not squeezing Him in; it’s literally designing our whole lives around Him. This means we want His will for our lives, for our relationships, for our children. We want to design our time around Him. We prioritize our lives around seeking Him first.
That means we want to seek Him in His word, have fellowship with God’s people, desire for Him to direct our steps, and pray about how we use our money and gifts. We take everything in our lives and design it around Him. I want to show you practically how Abram and Sarai honored God in three different ways in their relationship. The first one will resonate with all of you: A God-centered love trusts God even when the future is unclear. A God-centered love trusts God even when the future is unclear. Because what I know about many of you right now is that you’re trying to make decisions about what to do regarding various situations, and you don’t really know what to do. A God-centered love seeks God, trusts God, and pursues God even when the future is unclear.
We see this in Genesis 12:1-2. The Lord said to Abram, «Leave your native country, your relatives, and your father’s family, and go to the land I will show you. I will make you into a great nation. I will bless you and make you famous, and you will be a blessing to others.» That’s a big ask. Everybody say, «That’s a big ask.» Say it clearly. That’s a big ask. Type it in the comment section: «That’s a big ask.» Okay, you just have to be careful with that. Abram is 75 years old, and Sarah is 65 years old. God is asking them to leave the place where they are comfortable.
Have you ever been somewhere you liked and felt comfortable? You have your doctor, the person who does your hair, your friends, your neighbors; you like it there. God is asking them to leave their full support system and go somewhere—not telling them where, just go. No roadmap, no timeline, no details, no clues. What does this couple have? They have a promise from God and a next step to take. They have a promise from God and a next step to take. Some of you have a promise from God and a next step to take. Whenever God speaks, leads, or prompts you, what do you do? You may want to know all the details, but God doesn’t give you all the details; He just gives you the next step to take. God promises, «I’m going to make you into a nation, but you have to go.»
If you notice, Abram and Sarah didn’t say, «Well, do we feel ready about this? Is it going to be easy? Are we going to like the climate? Will we get a raise? Will there be good benefits? Is this really God asking us to go or is it the devil?» No. Because God asked them to go, what did they do? They took the next step. When God calls you to go, you take the next step. Genesis 12:4 says this: «So Abram departed.» Say it with me: «As the Lord instructed.» I don’t know where we’re going to go, but we’re just taking the next step.
If you want to put God first in your life, in your dating life, in your marriage, in your relationships, how do you know if you have a God-centered marriage? How do you know if you have a God-centered dating life? A strong indication will often be that you say something like this: «We’re praying about it. We’re seeking God’s will and doing what we believe God led us to do.» That’ll be a regular part of your conversation, something in your own words like, «Yes, we’re asking for godly wisdom. We’re seeking God’s will. We’re searching His word. We’re doing what we believe God led us to do.»
How do you know if you have a God-centered relationship? You’re seeking God and taking the next step you believe He’s asking you to take. I’ll make it really simple because you guys are really, really quiet. Let’s bring this down to the basics: If you want a relationship blessed by God, it has to be a relationship led by God. Very simple. If you want one blessed by God, you need to seek God, ask for His direction, and then do what you believe He calls you to do. If you’re anything like me, you want more details: God says, «Go,» and you ask, «Where, when, how far, what’s it going to be like, are you going to be with me, and do we have any guarantees? Tell me the plan, God. I want to know the plan.»
Often, God doesn’t give you the whole plan. If He revealed the details, you might be too afraid to go; you wouldn’t realize that He’ll be with you every single step of the way. So I want to tell you right now, if God is prompting you or leading you to do something, you don’t need the faith to understand the whole plan; you just need to take the next step. You need the faith to take the next step. So God told them to go, no details. So this married couple said, «Okay, if the Lord God is calling us to go, we believe He’s calling us to go.» It’s a big ask, but we trust God. We will trust God together even when the future is unclear. God told them to go. In my case, God told me to stay. I’ll share a story that might be intimate.
I met Amy in my senior year of college in 1990. This is our Top Gun wannabe photo. There’s a motorcycle somewhere, I promise. I was graduating my senior year, and she was a sophomore at a different school. I heard about her because someone said, «She’s weird like you. She’s overboard for God. You both deserve each other.» I met her, and one month after we met, I graduated and had two job offers: one was in Houston. As a business major who felt called to ministry, nobody was hiring business majors. I had a job offer in Houston with Southwestern Bell in a fast-track management program, which was a really big deal. The other was for a door-to-door sales job here that I was a bit embarrassed about, but it was local.
Big job in Houston with a big company back when that mattered to me, and then this door-to-door job. One month in, I prayed with Amy about what to do. I thought, «I like this girl; she smells good, loves you, but it’s a big job.» Everybody said to go to Houston. People from the door-to-door job said I should take that job. Everyone said it was the right choice. But one month after meeting her, we felt I was meant to take the job and stay here. Life.Church is a direct result, and we would not be here today doing what we do had I not taken that step of faith. I don’t understand God sometimes; it doesn’t make sense rationally. I had just met the girl, and it seemed crazy. But we did what God led us to do.
Almost every special part of our life came from taking a faith step and doing what we believed God called us to do without knowing the details. Amy quitting her job to be a stay-at-home mom and homeschool our kids came when we didn’t even know what homeschooling was. We felt called to do it. Then, going from two kids to three when we thought we were done at two, and then God leading us to four, five, and six.
We were just doing what God called us to do, even leaving the church I loved, First United Methodist Church, where my pastor helped call me into ministry and starting Life.Church made no sense whatsoever without resources or support. Yet we were doing what God called us to do. Ten years ago, even with a very full life, I felt called to start a ministry called Branching. We were just praying, saying, «God, lead us to the next step; we’re just doing what we believe you called us to do.» So I would ask you, what is the next step God is calling you to take? It may not be to move across the country like Abram, and it may not be to stay where you are just because there’s a cute girl in your life group like me. But He is going to call you to do something. If you’re dating, it might be to start reading.
The word together is truly about centering your relationship around Jesus. If you’re dating the wrong person, the next step may be to break up because God doesn’t want you settling for a fixer-upper. He’s got a newer model that runs well and worships Jesus, one that doesn’t break down every time the devil attacks. If you’re married, the next step may be to start praying together, even just a minute a day. Just start. Just say, «God, lead and bless our marriage.» The next step may be getting into a life group together because you really lack spiritual community, and a marriage without community is a vulnerable marriage. It may be that God is calling you to start trusting Him with a tithe, even though money is tight, saying, «God, we as a couple are going to honor You and trust You; we’re going to put You first, even if it doesn’t make sense.»
It may also be that God prompts you to apologize because you haven’t been leading spiritually or to apologize for not being respectful or honoring. Perhaps God is calling you to release control and trust Him with your marriage instead of trying to control everything and fix your spouse, which you can’t do and which only makes things worse. You want the details, but you don’t need them. You just need the faith to take the next step because a God-centered marriage trusts God even when the future is unclear.
So Abram and Sarah obeyed God; they took the next step. What do you think happened? God says they’re going to have a baby. What do you think happened next? The answer is, nothing happened. Nothing changed. What do you do when you obey God, take a step of faith, believe you’re doing the right thing, and nothing happens? What do you do when you’re trying to honor God, and the promise, the word you believe God gave you, still feels a million miles away? When you think about it, God promised you’re going to have a baby, and you’re going to have a nation. What will you do next? If you’ve been praying for a baby and God says, «You’re going to have a baby,» what do you do? You start picking baby names, don’t you? This is real. You start designing your nursery themes: if it’s a boy, it’s Star Wars; if it’s a girl, it’s Hello Kitty. Is Hello Kitty still a thing? You’re looking at me like it’s not a thing.
What is it? Barbie? Whatever it is, you pick it, right? And Sarah, she’s excited; she’s going to have a baby. So, she gets her cute outfit, takes all her pictures, and reads «What to Expect When You’re Expecting.» They plan the Instagram reveal; it’s going to be blue or pink, whatever it is. Then a month goes by, and the pregnancy test is negative. Another month goes by, and the pregnancy test is still negative. Another month goes by, and another month goes by. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. And God, we’re trying to honor You!
Then there’s this little verse in Genesis 15:1 that says, «Some time later,» which makes me think of Spongebob Squarepants when the announcer says, «Two hours later.» In this case, help me out. We say «some time later.» How good is that, somebody? There it is right there. I’m sorry; it just makes me happy. How do I know Spongebob? I raised six kids in that era. «Some time later.» This verse is a little misleading. It’s over a decade later—most scholars say about 13 years later. Wrap your mind around that: God speaks, we obey, and 13 years later, no baby, no sign from God, no update like God saying, «Hey y’all, I’m still here with my promise.» No, no. Thirteen years later. That’s when they made a very, very common mistake—one you may make if you’re not careful.
Most of us do at some point. The mistake they made was that they stopped trusting God and started playing God. Instead of waiting on God, they took control. If you know the story, it’s quite interesting. Sarah had a servant girl named Hagar, and wanting a child so badly, she said to her husband, «Hey, go sleep with Hagar.» Just as a side note, you need to hear this: don’t sleep with the housekeeper. Just saying, just in case you’re wondering. Abram did. He was like, «Okay.» So he slept with her, and if you know the story, she gets pregnant and gives birth to Ishmael. If you don’t know the whole story, it’s another sermon, but that led to centuries of conflict that still exists today.
If you take a step back, you will notice they made a horrible mistake. Abraham agreed to sleep with her, and the wheels started to come off in their relationship. They made a very, very bad mistake in their marriage. Unfortunately, chances are you will too. The odds are that at some point, you’ll do something dumb, say something that hurts, say something you can’t unsay, or do something you can’t undo. If you find yourself in a place like that, principle number two will speak to you: a God-centered love forgives and trusts even after mistakes. This is very, very good news. A God-centered love forgives and trusts even after mistakes.
I want to slow it down for just a minute because for some of you, this could be the moment you open your heart to what the Holy Spirit wants to do to save a marriage that might otherwise be lost. I know pastorally that many of you right now are in a really bad place. There’s been hurt, betrayal, lies, manipulation, addiction, and oftentimes even abuse. You look at it and say, «There’s no hope.» I want to say right now that what I’m about to say is intentionally limiting, but I want to say it: I promise you, promise you, promise you, when two people surrender to God, there’s always hope. There’s always hope.
You say, «But you said two people.» Yes, I did say two people. It takes two. If one has the faith and continues on, and if the Holy Spirit can get a hold of one more, I promise you that if two people surrender to the work of God, there is always hope. Not only did Abram and Sarah work through that whole mess, all the hurts, but God kept working on them. The good news is that God didn’t count them out. In fact, I love it: He gave them new names. To Abram, He gave the name Abraham with a different meaning; to Sarah, He gave the name Sarah. In other words, God was saying, «You are not who you used to be. We’re not going to hold what happened in the past against you, but I give you new names, a new identity, perhaps even a new calling and a new mission.» God was saying, «I will still use you—not in spite of your past, but still through your past, I will continue to use you.»
Some of you, spiritually by faith, God might give you a new name, a new direction, and a new beginning in your marriage. If your relationship has taken a wrong turn, there’s still hope because our God knows the way back to His will, His goodness, and His blessings. In a God-centered relationship, we are called in all of our relationships—dating, friendship, marriage, and life—to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and then all these things will be added to you. We don’t just add God to our relationship; we design our whole lives around Him. He is the center, the driving force. Therefore, because we want to live for Him, because we’re seeking Him, and because we want to please Him, a God-centered love trusts even when the future is unclear.
A God-centered love forgives even after mistakes. The third principle will build faith for some of you: a God-centered love waits even when hope runs out. A God-centered love waits even when hope runs out. They had almost no reason to hope—13 years and nothing. Some of you feel like that today; you feel like you have no reason to hope. You’ve dreamed of a child and there is no child, and it’s Mother’s Day, and that hurts. You’ve dreamed of buying a home and it feels completely out of reach. You’re dreaming of a mission-centered marriage that honors God, but one of you doesn’t even acknowledge God. You have a dream, and there’s no sign of the promise coming true. They wanted a baby, and there was no sign of hope.
In the New Testament, Paul reports back to this moment in Romans 4:18, which says this: «Even when there was no reason for hope, Abraham kept hoping, believing that he would become the father of many nations.» Even when there was no reason for hope, Abraham kept hoping. For some of you, even when there’s no sign of the answered prayer, keep your faith in God. Keep hoping. Keep praying. Keep believing. Abraham did this not for weeks and not for months, not just for years, but for over a decade. It’s crazy! Sarah was beyond childbearing years, and Abraham was pushing a hundred. This was before there were prescriptions to help out when you’re a hundred years old, and plumbing problems in your house, you know? I don’t know. Whatever.
You guys are just so quiet today. I just got to lighten it up. If you’re not going to have fun, I’m going to have some fun up here. I’ll have fun with or without you. So God speaks to them again and says, «The promise will be true.» When He did this, what do you think Sarah did? Did she go, «Oh, praise the Lord. There’s my promise»? You know what she did? Who knows what she did? She laughed. Now, I can’t prove this; I don’t think she was mocking God when she laughed. I actually think she was probably protecting herself—laughing like someone who’s been disappointed before and wants to believe but is afraid to hope again. In Genesis 18:13, we see this: The Lord said to Abraham, «Hey, why does Sarah laugh? Why did she say, 'Can an old woman like me have a baby? '»
Then God asks a question; maybe He’ll ask you this today: «Is anything too hard for the Lord?» Is anything too hard for the Lord? God says, «I’ll return about this time next year, and Sarah will have a son.» I love the question: «Is anything too hard for the Lord?» The answer is that nothing is too hard for the Lord. That’s right! I want to ask you, and I want you to tell me: is anything too hard for the Lord? And you say, «Nothing is too hard for the Lord!» Let me ask again. Type it online if you will: is anything too hard for the Lord? Nothing is too hard for the Lord.
Let me be specific. Is it too hard for God to restore a marriage that’s gone cold? Nothing is too hard for the Lord. Is it too hard for God to heal a marriage that’s barely hanging on? Nothing is too hard for the Lord. Is it too hard for God to repair a marriage and rebuild trust after betrayal? The answer is nothing. Somebody say it with me: is it possible for God to soften a heart that’s grown cold and distant? Nothing is too hard for the Lord. Is it too hard for God to bring you a spouse when you stop believing it’s possible? The answer is nothing is too hard for the Lord. Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing. All things are possible with our God.
So what happens? Genesis 21:1 tells us this: The Lord kept His word as He always does because His word is true and never returns void. The Lord kept His word for Sarah and did exactly what He promised. Sarah gave birth to a son named Isaac, which means laughter, and God turned her laughter of disappointment into laughter of joy. Wow! If you find yourself single, dating, widowed, or divorced, and maybe you’re still waiting for the right person or maybe you’re healing from the wrong person, God sees you and cares about the intimate details of your life.
I want to remind you that nothing is too hard for the Lord. For every mom waiting for a prodigal child to come home and return to faith in Jesus, nothing is too hard for the Lord. For every person waiting on God to heal your marriage, to heal your hurting heart, nothing is too hard for our God. God sees you; He hasn’t forgotten you. Just like Sarah, your story isn’t over because nothing is too hard for the Lord. For every couple who wonders, «Is our marriage too far gone? Is it too broken for God to heal?» Nothing is too hard for the Lord.
I would ask you, if you hope to have a marriage one day or if you do have a marriage today, what kind do you want? Do you want one based on feelings or one built on the faithfulness of a good God who loves you? If you’re willing to put God at the center, no matter what is behind you, God can still redeem it, restore it, and heal it because He is a good God. Nothing is too hard for the Lord. So if your heart is breaking, if you’re living with disappointments, your story is not over. God is still on the throne. He still cares about the intimate details of your life. I want to remind you with every bit of faith in the goodness of God: nothing is too hard for the Lord.
So, Father, we pray that you would do a healing work in hearts today. Draw us close to trust in You.
At all of our churches online, I wonder how many of you may be waiting on something. You’re waiting for an answered prayer. You’re waiting for God to bring you someone, change someone, change something, heal something, provide for something, do something. You’re waiting on a miracle, and you’re trying to keep trusting the Lord.
If that’s you today and you just need a reminder of His presence and His promise, would you lift up your hands? Just lift them up all over the rooms today, and online, you can type in the comment section, «I’m waiting. I’m waiting on the Lord.» And as you do, I want to acknowledge that it’s not easy. It’s never easy. And when you’re waiting, just make sure you’ve taken the next step. If God told you to do something, or if you think He prompted you, just do what God led you to do.
And Father, help us to trust in you and to wait on you. We thank you, God, that you will renew our strength as we wait on you. We put our hope in you. We trust in you, God, for those who are about to give up hope. We thank you that we can continue to place our hope in you, even when there’s no reason to hope. God, we will still hope in you because we know that you are a good, loving, and all-powerful God. We declare, God, that we know nothing is impossible for you. We keep hoping and trusting in you.
As you keep praying today at all of our churches, many of you will recognize, if you’re just honest, you may say, «Hey, I believe in God.» I’m going to ask you right now: is God at the center of your life? He wants to be. God loves you so much that He sent His Son, Jesus, who was without sin. Jesus died on a cross for the forgiveness of our sins so that anyone who calls on His name would be saved and forgiven. So when we come to God, it’s not just so He could forgive our sins, but we actually make Jesus the Lord of our lives. That means «Lord» is like «king.» That means He’s first in every way. So it’s not just, «Hey, I want you to help save me,» but it’s, «Hey, I need you to save me, and I want to serve you. I want to live for you.»
Today at all of our churches, many of you will recognize that He’s really not the Lord of your life. What does it mean to make Him Lord? Well, very simply, we basically take ourselves off the throne of our lives. We say, «Forgive me for my sinfulness for all of my sins. I want to put you first. I want you to guide me and lead me, not just be my Savior, but be the Lord, the one I design my life around. I want to seek you first in every way.» Today at all of our churches, some of you will recognize that’s not you.
How do I get ready for it? You don’t. You just come to Him right now. You just come to Him; you just cry out to Him, «Forgive my sins.» And when you do, He does. He forgives all of your sins and makes you brand new. Just like He gave them new names, you get a new name. The old is gone, and everything becomes new today. Some of you, today is the day of your salvation. No more past; it’s forgiven. It’s a new beginning. This may be what saves your marriage. It will save your soul. You’re stepping away from your sin. You’re saying, «Yes, Jesus. Don’t just save me; be the Lord of my life. I put you first today. I give my life to you.»
If that’s your prayer, lift your hands high right now—all over the place. Lift them up and say, «Yes.» That’s my prayer right back there. Others of you are saying, «Yes, Jesus, I surrender to you.» Right back over there. Say yes; I put you first. Jesus, be the Lord of my life. Right back over there. God bless you. Others today, right back there, yes, Jesus. Be my Savior. Online, type in the comment section, «I’m surrendering my life to Jesus today.» Just type that in there. And then let’s all pray together:
Heavenly Father, forgive all of my sins and be first in my life. Savior and Lord, my life is not my own. Fill me with your Holy Spirit so I can live for you, putting you first, knowing you intimately and showing you in all that I do. My life is not my own. Today I give it to you. In Jesus' name, I pray.