Cedric Pisegna - Discipleship Means Relationship (01/21/2026)
Father Cedric teaches from Psalm 133 on the beauty of dwelling in unity, linking it to Jesus’s post-resurrection greeting of «shalom» which signifies deep harmony and fellowship among his scattered disciples. He stresses that authentic discipleship isn’t solitary or privatized but requires building relationships within community, as Jesus called individuals into a shared life together. The message culminates in the call to cultivate good relationships through communication, listening, acceptance, forgiveness, and being channels of God’s peace, even amid hurts, because we will be judged by how we treat others.
Welcome and Psalm 133
Welcome to «Live With Passion, » I’m Father Cedric Pisegna. So glad that you tuned in. This series is about authentic discipleship. In order to be an authentic disciple, you have to have relationships. I’ll talk about that. I wanted to read Psalm 133. «Behold how good and pleasant it is when people dwell in unity. It’s like the precious oil upon the head of Aaron running down. It’s like the dew of Hermon which falls on the mountains of Zion. For there the Lord has commanded blessing, life forevermore».
Jesus’s Resurrection Greeting: Shalom
At Jesus’s resurrection, his first word was «shalom».
That’s a greeting, it means peace, but more than peace, it means harmony. It means to have fellowship, and camaraderie, and unity, and togetherness. Because if you remember, the disciples were pretty scattered at that moment, and he was reestablishing his relationship with them at the resurrection, concord, unity.
Discipleship in Community
To be an authentic disciple, you must be in relationship with other people, and hopefully your relationships will be good. I want to talk about that. Jesus called his disciples individually, but he called them into a community, and a lot of people don’t understand that. We are a church, ecclesia, an assembly, those called out of darkness into God’s wonderful life.
Not just an individual, but we are individuals, but we come into a community. I’ve come to realize that in my life, it’s really important, and community, yeah, demands relationships. People say, «I don’t like institutionalized religion, » but it’s institutionalized religion, by the way, that feeds the poor, speaks against abortion, educates youth in our schools, ministers to sick in our hospitals. There are some good things about institutionalized religion. Religion, community, is a part of Christianity, a vital part. The letter to the Hebrews tells us in 10:25 to meet together. A lot of people don’t read that. Hebrews 10:25, «Don’t be like some who don’t meet together, » it says. It’s telling us come together, be together, be a part of the community. That’s authentic discipleship. It’s not a privatized religion.
The letter to the Hebrews tells us clearly that.
Created for Relationship
I realized that early on. I got involved, I joined community, philosophers, poets like John Donne. We’re not islands unto ourselves, we are part of a continent. It’s really clear. Right from the Book of Genesis we hear that it’s not good for us to be alone. God created us to be related. Notice that he took the rib from the side of Adam, he didn’t take it from his head so that he would be above his wife, he didn’t take it from his feet so that she would be beneath him, took it from his side so that she would be his soulmate, companionship, camaraderie, unity, harmony, togetherness. That’s what relationships are all about.
The philosopher Aristotle said that in order to be happy you have to have relationships, and hopefully good relationships. That’s one of the ingredients of happiness. I agree with him.
Primary Relationships: God, Self, and Others
Our first relationship, of course we know this, is with God. God is our Father, Jesus our redeemer, the Holy Spirit our soulmate. That’s our primary relationship, and then we have a relationship with ourself. As we live with integrity and as we follow Jesus, hopefully we’ll have good self-esteem and self-respect, very important, but we also have relationships with people, with others. Authentic discipleship means cultivating relationships. Relationships are really important, and I’ll tell you, we are gonna be judged on how we treat people. I hope you got that. We are gonna be judged by how we treat people. Remember the great last judgment? Jesus comes, how did you treat me? When did we see you? When I was hungry, thirsty, in need, in prison, your next door neighbor, your wife, your spouse, your children.
How you treat people, your community, is how you will be judged.
Building Relationships Through Communication
I have committed myself to a community. A lot of it has to do with communication, communication, community. Notice the words are very similar. If you want to get to know somebody, ask them questions. People love to talk about themselves and share about themselves, but make sure that you reciprocate. Talk about yourself, but also ask questions about other people and listen. Communication is key to building relationships.
In community, and I live in a community of five or six priests, in a wider community of about sixty priests and laypeople, and some brothers. You build intimacy, first of all, I believe around the table. We share meals together. In the semitic world, a meal is a time of intimacy where you build relationships.
Same thing in our life, too. We go to a Thanksgiving meal, Christmas meal with the relatives. Hey, you get to know them. Share your joy, let them see you smile. Be gentle, be kind.
Sharing in Community Life
Community meetings we have, we do calendaring and talk about different topics that are going on, but we always start with talking about community meetings that we have in religious community. This is how we get to know each other. We always start with this little session, what’s going on in your life right now? How are you doing? Just share for one or two minutes about what’s going on and how you’re feeling, the guys that you live with, the people that you live with, you should be doing this every day. Not just talking about the news, or the weather, or sports, but talk about yourself a little bit, and then ask the other person about themselves.
We have faith-sharing homilies during mass. It’s when we hear about faith from the person that’s speaking. Then of course Zoom meetings nowadays, since the pandemic. Nowadays we have these Zoom meetings, and in these Zoom meetings, sometimes hundreds of people are there, and they share publicly in these large group sessions. Whenever I’m a part of that, I always make sure that I share, too, because I want people to get to know me. I listen to them, but I want to participate. I want to be a part of it. And the way that you do it is by sharing. You don’t have to say a lot, just share what’s on your heart. That’s how people get to know you. How else are they going to get to know you?
Overcoming Shyness for Relationships
And yeah, just to let you know, I am shy and introverted, but I push myself to go outside of myself to build relationships, because I have understood that relationships are key in Christianity.
Jesus and his apostles weren’t separated, they were together. They bivouacked together. They traveled together. They interacted all the time. He knew them, they knew him. Intimacy, growth, relationships, authentic discipleship.
The Gift of Language and Vulnerability
God has given us the gift of language, it’s a tool. We share information just as I’m doing right now, but we build relationships with communication. Be willing to communicate, to share. When I talk about communication, be revelatory, share your heart. You don’t have to share everything. I always say leave a little bit of mystery, but be revelatory and be intimate. That’s how intimacy develops, by speaking your heart.
It’s okay, it’s okay to be vulnerable. People love it when you share your heart. Let people in. This is how intimacy develops. Cultivate harmony by communication.
Givers and Takers in Relationships
I’ve noticed that some people are takers and some people are givers in relationships. Some people don’t seem to get it. They just, what about me, what about me? They just want to take, take, take. They want to talk about themselves, they don’t want to reciprocate. As I’ve said, and I will say many times, you can’t always change people, don’t try to, but be a giver anyway. Listen, be kind, kill them with kindness. Hopefully, that won’t be enabling them, but to the point that you can, be kind, be a giver.
One of the greatest ways to show, to be a witness, to show your faith is to smile. Mother Teresa said a smile is the beginning of love. Smiling is energy. I love it when I meet people that smile. It’s disarming, it’s attractive. Smile at people.
The Importance of Listening
A major part of relationships and communication is listening. I heard this humorous thing, the reason why God gave us two ears and one mouth is that we would listen twice as much as we speak. I heard about a policeman in San Francisco who was assigned to the Golden Gate Bridge because people were committing suicide about once a week, and one of his major strategies for talking people down from committing suicide was simply to listen to them. It disarmed them and he was able to talk them down simply by listening. Not everybody, but some. Listening is a key ingredient when it comes to relationships, and communication, and discipleship.
Listening to Jesus, listening to other people. That’s part of ministry, is simply listening, counseling, confessions.
Reciprocation in Friendship
I had a friend who every time I’d go up to him, I’d ask him a question, hey, how you doing? And he’d talk about ten seconds about himself, and then immediately he’d reciprocate and say, well, what’s up in your life? Some people, you say how you doing, and all they do is talk and they don’t really care about what’s going on in your life. They don’t know how to reciprocate. But he would reciprocate quickly and listen to me, and that’s how you build friendships, by reciprocation. You go back and forth. You talk, you listen, you ask questions.
Diversity in Community
I’ve learned that some people don’t know how to reciprocate. I live in community with some of the most gentle, kind, giving, saintly people, and I also live with people that are rude, selfish, insensitive, feeling like they’re entitled.
Some are introverts, some are extroverts. On the Myers-Briggs, if you’ve ever heard of that, that’s a personality test that you can take to find out what these people are like. Everybody’s different, God has put his DNA in us and his image in us, but we’re all different in some ways. And I’ve learned that I can’t change other people, you have to accept them the way they are, but you can’t let them change you for the bad either. Hopefully those people will help change you for the good. Don’t let them make you negative or bitter.
The Serenity Prayer
I’ve learned a prayer, it comes from the Al-Anon program. Al-Anon spouses of alcoholics, family members of alcoholics, it’s called the Serenity Prayer, Reinhold Niebuhr.
Sometimes living with people, I have to pray this more than once a day. «God, grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, » the people that I cannot change, «The courage to change the things I can, » confrontation, «And the wisdom to know the difference». That prayer really works. You’re asking God for serenity, peace, tranquility, even when people aren’t the way you want them to be, and most of the time, they’re not the way you want them to be.
Accepting People as They Are
One of the hardest things to do I’ve learned is to accept people the way they are. Some people speak too loudly, some people speak too softly, some people are controlling the TV, the temperature inside, as I said, introverts, extroverts. Some people are noisy, some people are quiet, some people slam the doors, some people are opinionated politically around the table or television while you’re watching the news.
Religiously, some people are ultra-conservative, other people are very liberal. One of the biggest complaints I get from married people is, Father, my husband or my wife isn’t the same level as me, pietistically. They don’t like going to mass, or they don’t pray, or they don’t read the scriptures, or people are at different levels, and somehow you have to be flexible, and adapt, and forgive, and accept the way they are. You probably can’t change them. People go into marriages like that. They marry a person that really is not a believer thinking that they’re gonna change them, and then after one, two, or five years, they haven’t changed and they blame themselves. It’s hard, I understand, people are people, but don’t let that change you. Be flexible, and accepting, and forgiving, and never give up. Keep at it. Keep a good attitude. Keep that smile.
And I like to say let God’s love, you can’t do it all on your own, let God’s love flow through you to them, through you to them. Be a channel.
Focusing on the Good in Others
I’ll talk about make me a channel of your peace in a few minutes, but be a channel of God’s love. That’s how you do it. The community that I live in, there’s a wide spectrum of people. They have good points, they have not so good points, and when I have to deal with people’s bad points, I try to focus on their good points and say, hey, they have a lot of good points, too. Don’t get focused on that. And it can reciprocate, they can focus on your bad points, too. This is what it is to live with other people. This is what it is to be in a relationship. The world is not perfect, we are in a fallen humanity.
Acceptance from the Big Book of AA
In the Big Book of AA, the Big Book is kind of the Bible of Alcoholics Anonymous, talks about relationships.
One of the reasons people get addicted is because their relationships aren’t right. There may be conflict, or confrontations, or hardships, or contention, marriages, friendships, it’s just so hard. There’s so many different difficulties. And people try to escape the pain, run away from the pain by drinking, drugging, gambling, whatever it is, so they don’t have to deal with the emotional pain. It’s one of the reasons why people get addicted, because of relationships, it’s one of many reasons. The Big Book has this prose, and it’s called acceptance. I’ve been talking about acceptance, accepting people, accepting people the way they are. They look different, they talk different, they believe different.
Accepting a person doesn’t mean that you agree with them totally, but this is what love is. You may be different from me politically, but I can accept you. You may be of another denomination, but my faith is big enough to embrace you. You may not believe the same way I do, but I can still love you, and hopefully I can forgive you when you wrong me. That’s called having a gracious and large heart, acceptance.
I read this prose in the Big Book, it says, get this, «Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today». When I’m disturbed because I find some person, place, thing, or situation, some fact of my life unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I can accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in this world by mistake. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes. Attitude, so important in relationships.
Jesus’s Example in Relationships
Don’t feel entitled. Don’t feel like everybody has to meet up to your standards. Just think about Jesus and what he had to go through. He was living with the man that was gonna betray him. He was living with another man that would deny him. He was living with guys that didn’t understand him, and he could have just thrown it all away, but he had such a beautiful attitude, a humble heart, forgiving heart. I wanna be like Jesus, and I think you do, too. Comes down to relationships. Discipleship, relationship, they are very similar.
The Story of the Missionaries and Attitude
I heard a story I like to tell about these two missionaries, felt called by God to go down to the Amazon and minister to people down there, and they had to leave their community, and off they go, and they meet the river captain. They come up to the river captain and they go, «What are the people like down the stream, down the river where we’re going»? The river captain goes, «Well, what were the people like where you just came from»? They said, «They were wonderful. We just had a going away party, they were so sweet. It was so hard to leave them».
And the river captain smiled and he said, «Well, you’re going to be glad, because those people down the river, they are sweet. They are some of the best people you’re ever gonna wanna meet». Off they go. About a month later, two more missionaries come up to the river captain, and they’re going down the river to do some ministry down there. They come up to the river captain and they go, «Hey, what are the people like down the river»? And the river captain says, «Well, what were they like where you just came from»? «Well, we have to be honest with you, the people where we just came from, they were bitter, they were contentious, they were negative, and they were hard to get along with. We couldn’t wait to get out of there».
The river captain kind of frowned, and he said, «Well, you’re not gonna like this, but the people down the river are negative, and bitter, and contentious, and it’s gonna be hard». Point of the story, attitude, your attitude. People are kind of the same everywhere. Yeah, they may be different a little bit, it’s what you bring to the relationship that so matters, very important. You want to be an authentic disciple, bring joy, bring smiles, bring forgiveness.
The Necessity of Forgiveness
Let’s talk about that for a minute here, forgiveness. The Our Father, Jesus talked about, «Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us». Authentic disciples must underline that word, «forgive».
And I know it’s hard, forgiveness hurts, you’ve been hurt, but forgiveness really sets us free. How do you forgive? I’m inviting you, this is the hallmark of a disciple, rise above the pain, rise above the hurt. I’ve been hurt. People get into ministry and they get disillusioned because people in the church hurt them. Please rise above, set yourself free, forgive. How do you do it? It’s a decision, not a feeling. Told you I was going to be like Dr. Phil today. It’s a decision, not a feeling. You’ve got to decide to do it. God will help you to, just have the willingness to forgive. God will help you. And then Jesus said that you must forgive 70 times 7. Does that mean 490 times? No, over, and over, and over again, I think when Jesus was preaching about forgiveness, he was talking about marriages, talking about community, talking about relationships that you’re in, because people hurt you over, and over, and over again.
Now, I’m not saying be a welcome mat to be abused. I’m not saying that. I’m talking about the stuff of relationships, forgiveness, over, and over, and over again. If you live in a religious community, you know what I mean. And then in time, you still may have hurt and resentment, but in time as you forgive, the resentment fades, it does. You get better. God brings healing. He sees your heart, that you’re trying. Then, of course, you don’t have to be the best friend of the person that hurt you, you simply have to pray for them, and forgive them, and try your best.
See, this is real life, this is relationships. Being an authentic disciple means that you get involved with other people, even though you may get hurt. You participate in community and church, and it’s not privatized religion. You encourage, you forgive, and you try to genuinely love.
Prayer of Saint Francis
I want to leave you with that beautiful prose of Saint Francis of Assisi, attributed to him, one of my favorite, if not my favorite saint. St. Francis of Assisi, he wrote, «Make me a channel of your peace». Remember, God’s love flowing through us to the other person. «Make me a channel of your peace. Where there is hatred let me bring your love. Where there is injury, your pardon, Lord. Where there is doubt, true faith in you. For it’s in pardoning that we are pardoned. In giving of ourselves that we receive, and in dying that we’re born to eternal life». Don’t just live, live with passion.