Bill Johnson - Why God Values Relationship Over Being Right
As you increase in favor and power, it becomes easier and easier to remove the people from your life that God has yoked you with to make you more like Jesus. I intentionally keep people of pain in my life because I know I haven’t arrived. You know how they put rocks in a rock tumbler, and they knock all the sharp edges off until they all become smooth? Listen, none of us have it all together, and we actually need people in relationships that expose where we have sharp edges.
Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be Your name; Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread, and forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. Do not lead us into temptation but deliver us from the evil one. Yours is the kingdom, the power, and the glory forever. Here’s what gets me, though. When Jesus finished giving them this model prayer, He could have emphasized any part of the prayer. He could have talked about how kind and generous His Father was; He could have illustrated how heaven is the model for earth; He could have discussed the abundance of His provision, as in Psalm 23, «I shall not want.» After concluding that model prayer, this is what He emphasized: verse 14: «For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. If you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.»
It’s got to be one of the more sobering portions of Scripture, that you follow this victorious, delightful, hope-filled prayer with a warning that says to keep as the center of this life you have with Christ your desire, your commitment, your quickness to forgive. Paul mentioned in Romans that as far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Imagine yourself having a toolkit; you’re a carpenter with many different kinds of tools. He’s basically saying to make sure that you use every tool in your arsenal to be at peace. Make sure you’ve done everything at your disposal to protect your relationships with people. Those who need to be proven right have the most difficult time practicing the daily provision of forgiveness. We call it our need for justice, but any definition of justice that doesn’t have forgiveness written into the equation is a misunderstanding of justice because, believe it or not, you are forgiven by God because of His justice. He didn’t violate justice to forgive us; He illustrated justice by forgiving us.
See, when I forgive someone, I’m no longer the victim; I’m the victor. It doesn’t mean I control them or manipulate them; it just means that I’m in a position where I am now the victor. I’m not controlled or manipulated by the good or bad decisions of anyone around me. That’s good. A number of years ago, a dear friend of the Weaverville crew, Dick Joyce, a wonderful prophet of the Lord, was ministering to us in Weaverville. We met him here, actually, at Bethel with my parents. Dick was not an outdoorsman, but a friend of his came to him once and said, «Dick, would you like to go rattlesnake hunting?» Dick said no, but he got curious. He said, «If I wanted to go, where would I go?» In other words, «Tell me so I never go there.»
I remember once I was going fishing on the Upper Sacramento River and I pulled into this campground, and there was a sign about this big, like one of those 8 foot by 4 foot signs. It said, «Infested by rattlesnakes.» I just turned around. It was probably put up by a fisherman who was down by the river enjoying that part of the river all to himself, but anyway, I wasn’t going to take any chances; I turned around and found another place to go fishing. This guy asked Dick, «Would you like to go rattlesnake hunting?» He said no, but «If I wanted to, where would we go?» So he described the kind of places where he would find rattlesnakes and then he said, «The best place is to go where there are rock walls. Anytime you can find a rock wall where there’s a stone missing, snakes like to get inside that rock wall and just coil up where there’s no connection.»
1 Peter 2 describes us as a house built of living stones, built together to house a holy priesthood. The snake likes to hide where there’s distance between the stones, where there’s no connection. You can be right or you can be reconciled. That’s good. It’s interesting that during that season, we were learning that particular lesson. Dick was with us. I don’t remember how many days or weeks later, but we were down in Chico at the Springs of Living Water, a conference ground there, and there was a big conference, and Kathy Valon was leading worship. She was in the back of this big hall, and it turns out a rattlesnake had crawled into the back of the sanctuary. She took a communion bottle and killed the snake with the communion bottle. Go Kathy! Come on, we should have mounted that thing! But to have Dick teach us one week that the snake hides where there’s not connection and then have her prophetically kill the poisonous snake with a bottle of communion—are you getting it yet? Some of us need very simple lessons to learn what He’s actually saying.
But it was in that season, in that moment, we began to learn at a different level how much God values connection and walking in forgiveness. I want you to look with me, if you would, at 1 Corinthians chapter 13. Please open to that part of Scripture: 1 Corinthians chapter 13. Are you alive? Yes? Okay. I’m going to read part of this chapter to you in just a moment. One of our dearest friends who is also home with the Lord now, Bob Jones—what a fascinating individual! How many of you were ever here when Bob Jones would come to minister here? Oh, so many of you missed the privilege of this highly gifted lover of God and lover of people. He was a genuine prophet of the Lord. He actually announced one day that there was a comet that scientists didn’t know was coming, and it would appear on such and such a day, and he was mocked by the entire scientific community. Then it appeared on that exact day, and they called him to see what else was out there that they didn’t know was there. You didn’t believe me last time and hung up. But Bob was such a unusually gifted, true, genuine prophet of the Lord.
Anyway, he died back in the 70s, and when he died, he appeared before the Lord, and the Lord had one question for him: «Did you learn to love?» After that question, he found himself back in his body, and if you met Bob, you would have no question that his highest value was to demonstrate the love of God to everybody he met. It was impossible to be with him for any length of time at all and not realize that his love for people and his love for God was his supreme value. Love is to be measurable.
1 Corinthians 13, verse 4: «Love suffers long and is kind. Love does not envy, love does not parade itself, is not puffed up, does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil. Love does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.» Say that last phrase with me: «Love never fails.» Say it again: «Love never fails.»
At the beginning of my day, I have determined to live redemptively. Before I am sinned against, I am prepared to forgive. It’s a commitment. I am going to live the life of a forgiving person. It doesn’t mean that abuse is okay; it doesn’t mean lying or stealing is okay. It doesn’t mean any of that stuff that is done to you or to me is fine; it just means I am not going to become controlled by the sins of another person. I’m not going to let the spirit of bitterness dictate my thoughts and feelings. I will rise above these circumstances because I’m going to be a contributor to society.
What happens when I’m filled with bitterness? I’m holding on to the past. If I hold on to the past, I cannot hang onto the present and bring redemptive solutions. It’s one of the things the enemy uses to keep us away from being a creative, positive influence in culture and society—he keeps us married to yesterday. If I am bound by the effects of yesterday, then I have really lost my ability to have a positive effect on the world around me. We have this commandment to not let the sun go down on our anger.
Here’s another one: John the Baptist made this statement: «Bring forth fruit in keeping with repentance.» There has to be evidence when we claim spiritual realities; it has to be measurable in the natural. Jesus said, «If you say you love God who you can’t see, and you hate your brother who you can see, you’re a liar,» because claiming an unseen reality has to be measurable in the natural. It must be realized in the natural; it has to have an effect. For example, if I am bitter at somebody and I forgive them, my behavior towards them has to change. Now, as I said earlier, it doesn’t mean that if there’s an abusive situation or they’ve stolen or done whatever, it doesn’t mean that trust is rebuilt. It just means as far as it depends on me, I’m living in peace, and I’m not being controlled or manipulated by the circumstances of being hurt, abused, or whatever the situation might be.
So we have this issue of not letting the sun go down on our anger. I start my day as a redemptive person, determined that today, no matter what happens, I’m going to live as a forgiver. I’m going to release people. I refuse to be bound by bitterness through the actions of other people, number one. But then I’m going to make sure that at the end of the day, I don’t let the sun go down on my anger. I may experience frustration or anger because this happened or that happened or this was wrong or that was wrong, but I’m not going to let it control me. So at the end of the day, I’ve got to make sure that I go to sleep with peace. If I don’t, then that thorn of unforgiveness gets under the skin, it festers, and it begins to weave itself into my personality, into my consciousness, into my thinking; it becomes part of the fabric of who I am. The longer I leave it there, the more it begins to define me.
Jesus wants us to start every day fresh, where we become true contributors to society. We can’t do that under the influence of bitterness. I remember years ago, I was counseling someone. Have I mentioned that I don’t counsel anymore? Oh, let’s just sing a song right now. «Gratefulness to the Lord.» There is a song in my heart. I want you to know that right now I’m experiencing great joy. Anyway, I was sitting with this couple in counseling a long time ago. She was mad because he had done something 10 years earlier. That’s a lot of suns going down on anger. So we’re friends, and we’re talking, and I found out she’d been carrying this for 10 years.
I said, «All right, so I looked at him. I said, 'Did you ever repent for what you did? '» He said, «Yeah.» I said, «Well, where’s the evidence?» Now, that wasn’t an accusation. It sounded kind of harsh, but it was just in conversation because the Scripture says, «Bring forth fruit in keeping with your repentance.» If you don’t have evidence, if your internal decision doesn’t affect your behavior, you have no evidence you’ve forgiven, right? If it doesn’t affect behavior, then it’s just a philosophy. He didn’t call us to a philosophy of forgiveness; He called us into a lifestyle of forgiveness. It has to be proven through action. So I said, «Do you have any evidence?» He said, «No, I don’t.»
I said, «All right, let’s meet again next week and just bring me some evidence.» So the week went by, and they came in. I sat down, looked at her, and said, «Is there any evidence?» She said, «Nope.» I looked at him and asked, «Do you have any evidence?» He said, «Yeah,» and he began to make this list. Her eyes opened up, and she realized that she had become the problem. He caused it, but because of bitterness, she extended it. Does that make sense? Let me rephrase this: her bitterness blinded her to the reality of his repentance.
See, bitterness distorts perspective. It poisons how we view not just the situation or the person who’s hurt us, but life in general. Life becomes interpreted through my history of pain. Even if I’m not an unforgiving person, if I’ve held onto these past pains, they shape how I view present situations. For us to be instant in season and out, for us to be redemptively functional in any situation, it means yesterday cannot have lasting influence on my life, except for what Jesus has done.
Back to the story. I said, «Do you have any evidence?» He said, «Yes,» and began to make a list, and she realized he was correct; he did have evidence of his forgiveness. The point is that when you forgive somebody, embracing a philosophy of being a forgiver is not going to fix a problem. But when there are measurable actions—maybe it’s that you take a day to fast and pray for that person; maybe you make a phone call.
I remember I made specific phone calls to individuals who had really hurt me, and I would call them to bless them, or honor them, or in some way serve them. It hurt so much inside, but the only part that hurt was the part that was supposed to be dead. So it wasn’t that big of a deal. Don’t protect what should be dead; submit it to the obedience of Christ. Here’s the deal: if I’m forgiving this individual, then I need some behavior changes. Maybe the person who abused me—let’s say I was abused 20 years ago— is dead. Well, I can’t do anything to them or for them, but you know what I could do? I could pray for the blessing of God on their descendants.
In some way, I could fall to my knees and just pray, «God, I don’t deserve this. Maybe that person lives on the other side of the planet, but I come before You, Lord, and I know that I did not deserve Your forgiveness. You forgave me. I ask that You would give that same mercy to this individual that hurt me.»
What I have brought into my life as a regular discipline in recent months and a year or so is, Benny and I like to take communion often, and I’ve already taken you through this at least for many of you in part. But we like to take communion often, almost every day. In fact, I had it this morning. Eric and I both come in early, around 5:00 to 5:30, to pray and get ready for the day, and I like to bring communion with me so that I can pray. What I do is I pray over every member of my family. I make confession of the Lord: «By His stripes, we are healed,» and I pray for those who need miracles. I hold the blood out before the Lord. I make the proclamation: «As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.» I mention each family member and pray for them uniquely; individually, but then I move into the area where I pray for those whose ministries have taken a position to oppose me or publicly write a book, or maybe they have conferences to undermine me, or maybe they tear apart or critique or criticize a book I’ve written, or whatever it might be. Fill in the blanks. They’ve taken a public position to oppose me.
I’ve had them meet me at the airport when I land here. I’ve had just weird situations where there were protest banners out in front of conferences that I do. It’s because they love me so much, and they just don’t know it yet. One of them, Chris, was mad because my name was on the protest board, and his name wasn’t there. He was a little upset over that. But anyway, there are five people on my list, three of whom are recognized around the world who have taken this position to oppose me.
You never criticize a servant to that servant’s Master. A believer never has the right to accuse another believer before God. We don’t have that right. So what I do is I bring their names before the Lord and pray. This morning I prayed, «God, I pray that they would lack nothing, that everything they need in life, whether it’s finances, whether it’s favor, whether it’s open doors—because they do preach the gospel—open doors for the gifts that You’ve given them. I pray for the blessing of the Lord upon them.» But the thing that I love praying the most for them is that I say, «Father, I ask that You’d give them the joy of having children who have children, who would serve You wholeheartedly. Give them the privilege of having children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren that would serve You with all their hearts. Give them that joy and that pleasure.»
What you’ve got to do is have evidence that an internal decision has been made and is being carried out. Sometimes it’s prayer; sometimes it’s a gift; sometimes it’s a phone call. But it’s something we do just to make sure, as the Scripture says, that «as far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.» Do everything you can possibly do on your end to stay undefiled by the spirit of bitterness.
From what I hear, I am responsible around here—that’s what I’ve heard. I don’t think it’s a rumor; I think it’s actually true. I’m responsible, and because I’m responsible, I have a lot of power. I don’t mean the power of the Holy Spirit; I mean the power to make choices. I can say no; you’re not going to do that. Yes, you are going to do that. If somebody causes me pain, I actually have the ability to organize them right out of my life, which is sounding really inviting right now at the moment. It’s just sounding like wisdom, perhaps.
Here’s what I want to get to: As you increase in favor and power, it becomes easier and easier to remove the people from your life that God has yoked you with to make you more like Jesus. The more powerful you become, the more options you have in arranging who will be in your life and who won’t. I intentionally—this is going to sound a little weird to you; forgive me— I intentionally keep people of pain in my life because I know I haven’t arrived. You know how they put rocks in a rock tumbler and knock all the sharp edges off until they all become smooth? Listen, none of us have it all together, and we actually need people who, in relationships, expose where we have sharp edges.
God’s main ambition for you and me is to be like Jesus. The problem with maturity—let me rephrase that: the problem with blessing—is that you can insulate yourself from your own need for change. I can create an environment around me, if I want, where there’s no conflict, no pain; nothing will ever come to me. I can create that environment because I have the power to do that. The problem is that God has sovereignly yoked me with people who cause me pain.
He puts us together with the people we need. He sovereignly yokes us; sometimes it’s in ministry responsibility, sometimes it’s in work. You may volunteer to help at a hospital or coach, and you’ve got a couple of coaches that just irritate you to pieces. It doesn’t matter what context we apply this; the point is that the more powerful you become, the more tempting it is to remove anyone who exposes where you have weakness. We don’t call it that; we don’t say they’re causing me pain, which is exposing my weakness. We say they have a huge weakness that’s causing me problems.
Anyone else with me on that one? They have issues! And I’m telling you, they have serious issues! I don’t know how much longer I can endure their issues. So here’s what happens: People come and say, «Bill, I just—I don’t know what I’m going to do. I just can’t handle this any longer.» Of course, I’m always trying to bring comfort, encouragement, change—whatever situations I can change—but here’s the bottom line, just between you and me, absolutely raw, gut-level honest: some of those situations are arranged by God because you’re not quite who you think you are, and having that person in your life will bring you to a place of absolute honesty and dependency.
Here’s what happens: I have a situation come up—conflict, betrayal, whatever it might be—and I’m so troubled by it. This has happened to me too many times to count. I’m troubled by it; I can’t sleep at night. «Oh, this person is so important to me; this happened, that happened.» I get up at night and I pray. I just go and pray. I walk and pray, cry out to God. I used to go down to the church in Weaverville. I’d just go in there and pray, just cry out to God. After a while, some relief would come, and I would have this insight. For example, I might realize, «Well, you know, this person is a real gift to me,» or «This person has such great strengths.» Sometimes I’ll say, «Oh God, thank you; I never have to question their love for their family,» or «God, I never have to question their devotion to being faithful and true.»
I begin to look for the things that are right in their life and give thanks until there’s real faith that floods my heart. Suddenly, that problem doesn’t cause me pain anymore. Why? Because I’m moved to fit the yoke I’m in. I’m in a yoke, and it’s a God-assigned yoke. You find your place in that yoke. It may seem like punishment; it’s not—it’s the very gift of God to bring us into the likeness of Christ.
So He puts us in this context where we learn to walk in this environment, in this friendship, in this marriage, in this workplace—whatever it might be. We learn to walk in this environment by continual thanksgiving and learning to rejoice. Paul said it in Thessalonians, and I mentioned it a few weeks ago: «Rejoice always! Pray without ceasing! In everything give thanks!» My inability to give thanks in a given situation only reveals I’ve not yet won the battle over my thoughts.
We’re supposed to rule and reign with Christ. That doesn’t mean dominate the planet; it means effectively serve, bringing out the best in every environment. So if I can’t rule over my thoughts, what kind of influence am I going to have ruling and reigning with Christ? The battle is first right here; secondly, it’s right here. Rejoice always! My inability to find joy, to choose joy, in any given situation only reveals my inability to find victory over my emotions.
These two challenges are absolutely the key to yoke adjustment. Yoke adjustment happens through thankfulness! Sometimes, I—sometimes in the middle of the day, it just hits me. It’s like somebody just gut-punched me, and I walk on the property; I’ll be at my house; I’ll walk around the house. The point is I just get along with God, and I read until He speaks to me. I take the Word of God and I just read, and then He’ll reveal something to me.
I can take you to geographical locations where I met with God, where I was there in tears, in pain, wondering why this was happening, why that was happening, why this betrayal took place, why this didn’t happen the way I thought it should. I cried out to the Lord, and I read on the pages of Scripture His promise to me, and suddenly, His Word gives me a yoke adjustment.
Suddenly, this yoke that I thought was put on me by other people becomes the most liberating thing to carry because I’m now walking in tandem with the One who called me to walk with Him, and in doing so, learning to be more Christ-like in my behavior and responses. Some of us in this room would never pray if there were never a problem.
Even if you have the discipline of praying when there are no problems, many find it hard to pray out of passion when there’s no problem. Pain gives birth to passionate prayer. Hope is supposed to—pain gives birth to passionate prayer. As I heard someone say recently, «Hope is supposed to possess the heart of a person to pray with great passion.»
Why? Prayers that move you move Him. Prayers that don’t move you, don’t move Him. It doesn’t mean they have to be long or loud; it just means they have to be honest and authentic and involve all of us. Passionate prayer is one of the things that brings the hand of God more forcefully into broken situations than anything else I can think of. It’s the passionate cry to the Lord.
When you’re in pain because, «Oh, this job that I have is just…"—listen, let me just insert here: if you’re married and you’re in an abusive situation, this isn’t for you; just get out of it. Just get out of it. This is a principle of working with other believers while the Lord is adjusting our lives by the values and behaviors of people around us.
Quite frankly, every time I choose to honor the relationship with this partner—even though I don’t get to accomplish all I had in my heart to accomplish because this relationship came first—something is brought before the Lord in my value for unity that exalts Him above everything else. His celebration for my priority of unity that glorifies Him over personal achievement, over personal liberty, over me having my own way speaks volumes to Him in a way that is almost unparalleled.
I’ve tried to work with this philosophy for quite a while now that if you want to catch the attention of a king, do so by treating his daughter well. For me, that’s my wife and many others, but the way I care for her is the way I catch the attention of a king. Now let’s take that down a level. The Scripture says we are to submit ourselves to one another in the fear of Christ.
If I don’t fear God in you, then I do not see you for who you are. I’ll start with verse 20 of John 17: «I do not pray for these alone,» that’s the twelve, «but also for those who will believe in Me through their word. That they all may be one, even as You, Father, are in Me and I in You; that they may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me.»
Stop right there. There are two basic credible witnesses on earth to the resurrection of Christ: one is unity; the other is the miraculous. We live in a debt—if you will, we live with a sense of indebtedness to the world around us to model unity. Now, unity is expensive.
Danny would say something like this: «U, I love the part of you that reminds me of me.» This is so funny. It’s easy to be united with people who think just like us. That is true. Unity isn’t recognized there. Camaraderie is common in the church and outside of the church. This unity is different; it goes beyond the obvious things we have in common. It actually moves into sacrificial love and care for people that cost us.
Luke chapter 9 has this storyline that, to me, is very funny. It’s a series of experiences the disciples had. They had been commissioned and came back with great reports of miracles. Jesus hears them talking, and they’re actually arguing about who is the greatest. You remember the story? So Jesus corrects that part: «It’s not who among you is the greatest; the least is the greatest,» you know. He corrects that. The next moment, John comes to Jesus with a report.
Now, understand, if John is coming to Jesus to tell Him some news, it’s because he thinks it’s good news, right? He’s not coming to confess his sins; he’s coming to confess his success. So he comes to Jesus and says, «We saw some guys over here trying to cast out demons in Your name. We told them to knock it off because they’re not with us.»
It’s just funny! It’s like John is saying, «All right, we got it down. We’re not better than each other, but we are better than them! We are on the inside of this demon-casting-out group. We are being trained by Jesus Himself. They obviously don’t know what they’re doing, so we told them to knock it off!»
And Jesus made this amazing statement: «If they’re not against us, they’re for us.» Perhaps we’re accustomed to thinking, «If they’re not for us, they’re against us.» But in this situation, He said, «If you count people out who are not holding stones to destroy you, then you’re going to miss your opportunity of partnership at a level you would never experience without having that sense of devotion and commitment to people.»
Paul pushed this point even farther in 1 Corinthians chapter 6. He talks to the church at Corinth, who has all kinds of issues, and one of the issues they had was that one group of believers was taking other believers to court because they were not treated fairly in a given situation. So what are they after? Justice. Your pursuit of justice and my pursuit of justice are only blessed by the Lord in the measure that I have died to my own desires. That’s good! Because my pursuit of justice, outside of personal yielding to Christ, will almost always end up with me trying to vindicate myself.
So Paul—again, this is for other people that you know that might need this; it’s not—I’m sure it has no application for your life—but I’m just trying to help you preach to your neighbor or your Christian relative or whatever. Paul pushes this point and says, «All right, you’re being taken to court. What you’re losing is far greater than what you could ever gain. What’s being destroyed is the concept of a body being members of one another.»
He pushes the point and comes to this conclusion: «Why not rather be wronged?» Well, because it’s just not right! I don’t want to condone their sin. Jesus' value for unity doesn’t mean that we compromise on beliefs; it doesn’t mean we compromise on personal values. It does mean that love is greater than offense. It means love covers a multitude of sins.
It means that I have to overcome my personal stuff so I can demonstrate the love of Christ to another person. I was in dialogue with a dear friend and really a father who helped us, Jack Taylor, who is a dear friend. He’s home with the Lord now, but I remember we were in dialogue over emails and texts about a particular situation, and there was actually healing in a very challenging relationship. In fact, he told me this: «The greatest miracle I’ve ever seen was that significant.»
Wow! Then he wrote me this note. He said, «Charles Wesley—if you remember John Wesley—John Wesley and George Whitfield were two of the great revivalists in The Awakening. Charles Wesley would take John’s theology and write it into songs because it’s easier to learn theology that’s written in music. In fact, I’ve told our worship teams, 'What do you want the church to look like in 5 years or 10 years? Write songs about it now and we’ll sing our way into it.' We actually learn on a different level.
So anyway, Charles Wesley wrote George Whitfield a letter, and in this note, it said this: 'We loved more when we knew less.' I have watched my entire life where people who are in love, in life, in ministry, doing stuff together—and the more they grow into their own gifts, the more they grow apart—because we tend to love more when we know less. It doesn’t mean we embrace ignorance; it just means we come face to face with the cost of unity.
What does it look like to live? It means it’s going to cost me. It means I have to lay down some of my own rights, my own ideas. It doesn’t mean I compromise truth, but it does mean I will die to my vision on this to protect this. He values unity so much that He was willing to endure everything He went through to make it possible for us to experience the supernatural presence and gifts that the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit enjoy themselves. We would taste that reality in how we do life together, and that’s the ambition of the Lord, and it actually gives a credible witness to Jesus Christ.
It says, „That they may be one in Us, that the world may believe.“ No wonder the enemy would work so hard to move us from one offense to another because it robs the voice that this gospel is real. It robs the volume. It robs the evidence. It takes away all the things that illustrate the power of this wonderful gospel.