Adrian Rogers - Celebrate The Difference
Would you be finding in God's Word please the book of Genesis chapter 2, and in a moment I'm going to begin reading in verse 19. Genesis chapter 2 verse 19. We're under this heading, "One Lord, One Love: Celebrate the Difference". I'm told that an angel came to Adam before Eve was ever created and said to Adam, "Adam, I have a proposition for you. We're going to craft for you an individual". He said, "What"? "An individual. Someone like you, but different". "Oh? Well what will it be like"? "Well, it's going to be a she". "A she? Well, what will she do"?
"Well, when you come in from tending the garden, she'll be there at the door, beautifully adorned, and she'll smell so sweet, and she'll open her arms and give you a big hug and bring you in. And she'll kiss you, and she'll bring your newspaper to you, and she'll bring some slippers for you, and she'll massage your shoulders, and then she'll have a wonderful meal there, and afterwards she'll do the dishes, and then she'll just come and sit at your feet and look up at you and be ready to do anything you want her to do".
He said, "Well that sounds wonderful". Said, "What's that going to cost me"? And the angel said, "That's going to cost you a right arm and a leg". "Oh"! Said, "What do you think I could get for just a rib"? I want to ask you a question: who is better, the man or the woman? The answer to that question is: "Yes". A man is infinitely superior to a woman at being a man, and a woman is infinitely superior to a man at being a woman. God made us different that He might make us one. Never forget it. Neither is superior to the other, but we are very, very different.
Begin to read with me in the Word of God here, Genesis chapter 2 and verse 19 through 25, "And out of the ground, the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every fowl of the air and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them, and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all the cattle and to the fowl of the air and to every beast of the field, but for Adam, there was not found an helpmeet," that is fitting, "for him. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam and he slept and He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh instead thereof. And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made He a woman and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, 'This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh, and she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man.' Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and they were not ashamed".
Now Adam has named the animals, but he's looking for a mate, evidently. He has a certain loneliness about him, and none of the animals seemed to fit. And then God makes for Adam this woman that He called Eve. And when Adam saw her, what did he say? It loses something in translation. He says, "This is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh". Now what did he mean by that? "This is bone of my bone, this is flesh of my flesh"? What he's saying is, "She is not another animal; she has a skeletal structure like me. This is bone of my bone". She doesn't have the kind of protoplasm that the animals have. "This is flesh of my flesh".
What he was saying, he's been looking at all of the animals, and they're so different. And then he looks at her, he says, "I like that. 'This is bone of my bone; this is flesh of my flesh.' She is like me". And by the way, the book of Genesis is the seed bed of so much great truth. If you want to know what God's pattern for the home is, right here you're going to see it. God made someone like Adam. He was not to cohabitate with the beasts. And that tells us that bestiality is a sin against Almighty God. God made a woman, not a man, for Adam. That tells us that homosexuality is a sin against God. We've heard it well said, "It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve".
God made a woman. Homosexuality is not God's plan, and I don't believe that Adam would have been very excited had another man showed up there. And this was a woman and only one woman. He didn't give Adam two. That tells us that polygamy is a sin against God. God's plan is one man and one woman together till death do them part. And so God presented this woman to Adam, and when Adam saw her, he said, "I like her! She is like me". "This is bone of my bone; this is flesh of my flesh". But not only did he like her because she was like him, he liked her because she was not like him. There was a difference, and a very real difference, and it's that difference that we're going to talk about. You know that Joyce and I are a lot alike, but Joyce and I are very different.
As a matter of fact, they say the more people live together, the more they become alike. They even begin to look alike, and Joyce is getting very concerned about that. But friend, we are different as well as alike, and I want to talk to you about the wonderful differences between male and female. And it's these differences, believe it or not, that don't divide us. It's these differences that unite us. God made us different that He might make us one. I'm going to give you some differences between men and women today, and these are more than mere psychological proclivities. These are there by divine design. Now, some of you are going to say, "Well, my wife or my husband, we're not different in that particular area".
Well you may not be. What I'm going to give you today are generalities. For example, let me give you a generality. Most men are stronger than most women. Would you agree? Yet, there's some can beat up a lot of men. Right? I mean, I watched this thing on television one night, "The Gladiators". Hey folks, there's some gals there I would not want to meet in a dark alley. I mean, I'm talking here about generalities. As a generality, most men are stronger than most women. We would agree with that. So when I'm talking to you about the differences in the sexes, I want you to know that I am talking to you about generalities. Now, a hammer and a screwdriver are different, but they're both tools, and they're designed for different jobs. Is a hammer better than a screwdriver? No. Is a screwdriver better than a hammer? Of course not. Can you use a screwdriver as a hammer? A little bit.
You could turn it upside down and with the handle you could drive a nail, but it won't work quite as well as a hammer will. Men and women are different, they're designed different, and sometimes a man can do a woman's work and vice versa, but that doesn't mean that they were designed for that. All right, now let me give you some differences, and I'm going to name these differences so that perhaps you can remember them a little better. The first difference is the difference between beauty and the beast. And I've already alluded to this: women are physically weaker than men. Men are physically stronger than women. Doesn't the Bible tell us what we already know in First Peter chapter 3 and verse 7? "Likewise ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife," as what? "As unto the weaker vessel".
Now God made Adam stronger than He made Eve. He had a physical frame that was stronger. His bones were stronger, his shoulders were broader. Why? What was the job that God gave to Adam? The job that God gave to Adam was what? Two-fold: to dress the garden and to keep the garden. Right? So he was to be the provider and the protector. He had a physical frame that could protect Eve; he had the muscles to dig and chop and work in the garden. He was that way by divine design. Now what did God make Eve to be? Well the word Eve means life-giver. She is the nurturer, and so God made her physical body to nurture, to love, to be gentle, to be soft, to be cuddly. That's what God made her to do. Now because she is weaker than Adam, that doesn't mean she's inferior to Adam. Silk is weaker than canvas, but it is not inferior to canvas. Porcelain is weaker than steel. It's not inferior to steel. You can make a teacup out of porcelain, you can make a sledgehammer out of steel. But you can't drink tea out of a sledgehammer. God made the woman more fragile. He did that on purpose.
Now I really can't understand in some ways why they call them, "The weaker sex," because guys they're going to outlive us. As a matter of fact, I think the strength of the weaker sex is the weakness of the stronger sex for the weaker sex. You'll figure that out later on. But, 40% of a man's body is muscle. I'm talking now in averages. Only 25% of the woman's body is muscle. Now, what about the other 15%? Women have a thin layer of cellulite to keep them warm, because we're going to see later on they don't have as much blood in their bodies as men have. So they have this thin layer of cellulite there that gives them sort of an insulation against the cold. For that reason, it's easier for a woman to gain weight. It's harder for her to lose weight. Man has about one and a half gallons of blood. A woman has about four-fifths of a gallon of blood.
A man has almost fifty percent more blood flowing in his body, and the woman, therefore, doesn't have as many capillaries to deliver that blood to her skin surface. That's the reason your wife constantly has cold feet. Has she ever put those feet on you at nighttime? Her feet are cold. She gets cold more easily. That's the reason women will always complain, "You guys have this place too cold". And we say "No, it's really not all that cold," but it's cold to them. If you were to put a thermometer on the surface of her skin, it would register different. Your skin is warmer than hers; you have more blood, you have more capillaries. Sometime when Joyce and I will go out for a walk in the morning, she'll say, "Is it all right today? Do I need a jacket"? I say, "No, you don't need a jacket, let's go".
She gets to the front gate, she gives me a dirty look and goes back in the house and gets a jacket. Men and women are just simply different, and don't scold her because she gets cold. Give her your coat, if you're a good husband, as you ought to. Men have a larger lung capacity. That's the reason in athletics men can many times outlast a woman. But women have a better immune system. That's probably why they outlive us. Women have more brittle bones, and that's the reason why it's almost always a woman in the ad that says, "Help, I've fallen, and I can't get up". Women, their bones are just more brittle than men. That's just the way God designed it. Every cell in a woman's body is different from the cell in man's body. Women have the double-X chromosome, men have XY chromosome; every cell is different.
That's the reason that Peter says in First Peter 3 verse 7 that, "We are to live with them according to knowledge". Man, understand that God made you, not to compete with this woman, but to protect her, to care for her, to nurture her, to provide for her. Joyce saw in a store one time something that she thought was very beautiful, and I thought it was beautiful too. It was a piece of porcelain that was a hummingbird sipping nectar from a flower. And I went down there to price that thing, and folks, I had to sell the car in order to get it. It wasn't all that expensive, but it wasn't cheap. I was surprised how much it cost, but I knew she wanted it, and I bought it. And it's sitting on the piano. And when the grandkids come, I go get that thing and I put it up on a high shelf.
Now, I don't go in the kitchen and take all the stainless steel pots and pans and put them on a high shelf. They're tough, but I don't want this thing out; it's delicate. You see, there ought to be that same kind of protective instinct for your wife. She's delicate. And she's not inferior. In many ways it's her delicacy that makes her so wonderful, but God has given you as the stronger person, the stronger vessel, to give honor to the wife as unto the weaker vessel. Sir, protect your wife, watch over her, take care of her. Now the man is stronger, the woman is weaker physically. Which is superior? Neither one, neither is better, just different. Got it? Neither is better, just different.
All right now, here's the second thing. Not only beauty and the beast, but the tortoise and the hare. You remember the race where the hare, H-A-R-E, the rabbit and the tortoise got in a race. And the rabbit, boy, he just takes off like a big ninety and the tortoise is just plodding along. But you remember the old rabbit, he's so sure of himself that he sits around and rests and dawdles and all of this other stuff, and ultimately, the tortoise wins the race. Now what is the difference? Men, you are like the hare, like the rabbit; your wife is like the tortoise. You have a lot more energy, but she has a lot more durability. Therefore she's going to outlast you. I say you have more energy, except in one area, and that's in shopping.
Now it's encoded in her DNA that she has more for shopping. As a matter of fact, some women have a black belt in shopping, but you need to learn about your wife. That she's going to get tired when you don't get tired. You have more red blood corpuscles to deliver energy to your cells. You have a bigger lung capacity that's going to give more oxygen, but she has a better immune system. You are built to provide and to protect, she is not. So you might win the hundred yard dash in life, but she's going to win the marathon. She's going to outlast you. We're just different. Which is better? Neither is better. So just don't demand that your wife keep up with you, don't criticize her, and don't call her lazy. And ladies, understand the drive and the energy that your husband sometimes has. Which is better? Neither is better, just different. Now, beauty and the beast, the tortoise and the hare, here's a third difference: the romantic and the mechanic.
I mean, men have a job. What is their job? "To dress the garden and to keep the garden". What do they need for that? A hard outer shell. Women, what is their responsibility? They're the homemaker, they're to love, they're to nurture, they're to be soft; they are to raise the children. Lady, you need to understand that he will never have the romantic heart that you want him to have. And he's just not wired that way. Oh, I know he had it before you were married, I understand that. But as soon as you got married, he had a brain transplant, and that was a part of his skill in landing you. You just go and see the books that women read and see the books that men read and you're going to understand. What kind of books do women read? Well, women read books that deal with relationships. Most of them are written by women for women.
Pick up the women's magazines, here are the articles: "How Do You Develop Closeness with Your Husband"? "Harmony in Marriage," "Five Ways to Achieve Intimacy". What are men reading? "How to Remodel Your Garage," "How to Double Your Gas Mileage," "How to Be a Champion Bass Fisherman". That's what men are reading. Hey folks, it comes with the territory. Women are just different from men. You can go to any high school and watch the way the girls carry their books and watch the way the guys carry their books. How do girls carry books? Watch them, they carry them just like this, like carrying a baby. They just hug them up like this, hug their books. Men carry their books like this if they carry them at all. Give a little boy a doll, he'll use it for a hammer. That's just the difference. Now, there's some people try to tell us that these differences are learned. They are not, friend. They are encoded. I'm going to show you that in a moment.
As a matter of fact, if you were to read the Song of Solomon, it's a love song. It's highly spiritual, but it's very plain about the relationship between the sexes, and it's talking about Solomon and the one that he loves. And don't turn to it, but let me just read you two passages out of the Song of Solomon. First of all, here is Solomon's lover, his sweetheart, and she's talking about Solomon in chapter 3 verses 1 through 4. And it says, "By night on my bed, I sought him whom my soul loveth, I sought him but I found him not. I will rise now and go about the city in the streets and go about the broad ways. I will seek him whom my soul loveth". Now that's the second time she's said, "He's my lover, the one I love". "I sought him but I found him not. The watchmen that go about the city found me to whom I said, 'Saw ye him whom my soul loveth?'"
And she's so romantic; she's talking about him and how much she loves him. And she goes on to say, "It was but a little that I passed from them, but I found him whom my soul loveth. I held him and would not let him go". Now this woman, she's so romantic. "My soul loves him, I love him, I love him, I love him, I love him". Now let's see how he talks about her. In chapter 4 verses 1 through 5, he's talking about her now, "Behold thou art fair my love, behold thou art fair;" that means beautiful. "Thou hast dove's eyes between thy locks; thy hair is as a flock of goats that appear from Mt. Gilead". Now in this day that was good, a flock of goats. "Thy teeth are like a flock of sheep that are even shorn, which came up from the washing, every one of them bear twins, there's none barren among them".
She had all of her teeth, "Thy lips are like a thread of scarlet and thy speech is comely. Thy temples are like a piece of pomegranate within thy locks. Thy neck is like the tower of David builded for an armory where upon there hang a thousand bucklers, all shields of mighty men". She must have had a beautiful, gorgeous necklace on. "Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins which feed among the lilies". Now what's he doing? He's describing her. Now she is calling him, "My love, my lover, my sweetheart, my lover". But he's saying, "Boy she is a knock out"! I mean, what's he turned on by? Ladies, you better learn this. He is not turned on by romance. He is turned on visually; he is turned on by her beauty. He is a creature that is attracted by what he sees. That's the difference between the sexes. This sometimes causes such misunderstanding. You know women are romantic, and they long for more than anything else to have a romantic husband.
So what they think is, "We're going to have a very romantic evening". And so she fixes this beautiful candlelight dinner. And then she lights candles and sprays incense around and does all these kind of things and gets real soft music playing. She says, "This is going to turn him on". Do you know what happens? He goes to sleep. It puts him to sleep. I mean she's thinking, "Boy we're going to be so romantic". She ought to learn, she ought to learn what turns him on is her physical beauty. He is attracted to her physically. Now, be smart men, and learn to be romantic. Be smart, ladies, and learn how to be beautiful and keep yourself as much as possible physically attractive for the husband. Which is better? Neither is better, folks. They are just different. God made us different. Let me tell you another way that men and women are different. It's the radar versus the computer.
Now the woman is the radar; the man is the computer. Men and women process information differently. I clipped this out of USA Today. It's a big article; I wish I could read it all. It shows on the front page here, "Of Two Minds," and it talks about gender and areas of activity: "A sophisticated form of magnetic resonance imaging on living brains shows women use both hemispheres to solve a certain language problem; men use only one". Ladies you've always suspected that men had half a mind. Now, scientifically they are showing what we have known for a long time. You know, there're two hemispheres in your brain. And the left hemisphere deals primarily with logic, reasoning, calculation, and so forth. The right hemisphere deals with feeling, emotion, sympathy, love, intuition.
Now men use primarily the left side of their brain. Women use both sides of their brain. They have proven it scientifically now, and here I'm going to read a part of this. "We know from brain autopsies that the corpus callosum, the mass of fibers connecting the brain's right and left hemispheres, is larger in proportion to brain weight in women than men. More information is being exchanged between the two hemispheres in women, and that could account for women's greater verbal skills and even explain women's intuition. The female brain has emotional capabilities on both sides; a man's is centered on the right. That, plus a woman's greater connections between hemispheres, may make it easier for her to express emotions, but that may also mean she is less able to separate emotion from reason".
Now guys, I'm plowing close to the corn here, but let me tell you something. There is a difference, there is a real difference at the way women look at things and the way men look at things, and this is the source of so many of our arguments. And by the way, next week we're going talk on this subject, "Communicate or Disintegrate". And we're going to tell you how husbands and wives can communicate, but you've got to learn that there is a difference. Men tend to be more logical and analytical and factual in their thinking. This is not to say a woman cannot be. But at the same time she is thinking logically and analytically and factually, she is mixing in emotion at the same time. Now, women are detail-oriented and they do what I call spider web thinking. Men don't do spider web thinking. Men think like this, "Folks, let's clear this thing out, and then we'll do that, and then we'll clear this out, and we'll do this".
She's not doing that. And you're going to have all kinds of misunderstandings if you don't understand that. For example, she wants all of the little details. They're all in her computer. She's using both sides of her brain at the same time. And really in many ways she's superior to you because she has the ability to do this. And she wants all the details. She can put them in there, and she can deal with them all at one time. She's using both sides. You, you've just got half a brain, mister. And so you come home and she says, "How was your day today"? Well, you're going to tell her elaborately how your day was, so you say, "It's fine". "Well, what happened"? "Well, we had a meeting, we did some things, we revamped a program down at the church". She wants to know who was there, what'd you talk about, did you all go out to eat, where'd you eat, what happened? And you say, "Well, that doesn't have anything to do with it. I mean that's what we did".
Now you make a mistake and ask her day was. And you're going to get more information than you wanted. It's just the way we are. She thinks that you're being evasive and shutting her out, you think that she's going on and on and on. Astronaut Michael Collins said that, "A man speaks in an average day, about 25,000 words; a woman about 30,000 words in an average day". He said, "The problem is, when I come home at night, I've used up my twenty-five thousand, and she hasn't even started on hers". So generally speaking, women are generally speaking. The left side is logical, rational, objective, precise. The right side is the affective domain, feeling, subjectivity, that's the reason that men cry less, because they've got a disconnect up there. Women cry more easily. That's the reason that you and your husband can be having a big argument, it'll just destroy you, and he'll just go on out to his job, or go watch a television, go play golf.
You say, "How can he do that"? He just shuts off the right side. I mean, there's a disconnect in there that women don't have. Which is better? God made us different that He might make us one. You see, your brain, left side, works like a computer, her right side works like a radar. She has a great big reception disc, and it's just sweeping. It's just taking in everything. And they see things, they feel things. They can tell when feelings are hurt. Joyce will tell me, "You hurt that person's feelings". I say, "Oh no". She said, "You did". "How could"? "You did". And she's right! They can just sweep the room, they can walk in a room and pick up things. Women get these details that men don't get. I can get dressed to walk out and I think I look all right. Joyce will see that piece of lint. She'll say, "Your tie's not straight," whatever.
They are detailed-oriented, they get all of these details; they are the radar. That's the reason that she can tell you when you want to get in some business deal, she'll say, "I just don't like that guy". "Well, why? What's wrong with him"? "I don't know," but she's processing so many little bits of information she can just say, "There's something bad about that". And here's the aggravating thing about it: she's right. She is right. Now how does she know this? It's what we call women's intuition. Women are just different. Watch them when they sit at a table and have a lunch. They're all talking at the same time around the table, but every one of them knows what each of the other is saying all at the same time. One will be talking to a woman here, and then she'll turn around and say, "No, that's not right," and then go right back. It's an incredible thing. That radar's just going. Mister, all you've got is a pair of rabbit ears. They're just different. Which is better? Neither is better.
Have you ever noticed, back to the restaurant, if a woman wants to go to the restroom, she says, "I want to go to the restroom, do ya'll want to go with me"? And they all go together. Hey, that's incredible. I've never seen a man say, "How many of you want to go to the restroom"? I don't understand it. Which is better, the computer or the radar? Neither is better, they're just different! Thank God for the difference. A woman is a code speaker, a man is a reporter. A woman uses language to express emotion; a man uses language primarily to dispense facts. Women share, men report, and that's the difference in the way that men and women talk, and you better learn this. I mean, don't listen to what a woman says, listen to what she means. That's hard. Listen, if you sense, for example, that she seems nervous and tense and upset, and you come home and you say to her, "Hey, is something wrong"? And she'll say, "Nothing is wrong".
Hey guys, that means everything is wrong. You've got to listen. If she says nothing is wrong, don't say, "Well good, I thought something was wrong". No! When she says, "Nothing is wrong," that means everything is wrong. When she says, "Do I look all right"? that means "Tell me I'm beautiful". Don't listen to what she says, listen to what she means. They speak in code. In code. Men report, women share, men report. There's just a difference. Now I wish I had the time but I've got to quit. Here's one more thing. There's the difference between the lover and the achiever, the lover and the achiever. Women are lovers, men are achievers. The Bible says in Ephesians chapter 5 verse 33, "Nevertheless let every one of you in particular, so love his wife even as himself and the wife see that she reverence," or respect, "her husband".
Now what does God tell the man to do? He says, tells the man to love his wife. What does God tell the wife to do? He tells the wife to reverence or respect her husband. Why? Because what is the deepest need of a woman? Polls have been taken and women have been asked, "What is your deepest need"? Do you know what it is? Romance. They want to be loved, they want to be cherished, they want to be prized, they want to be held, they want to be adored, they want to be put on a pedestal; they want to be number one in your parade. They want to be loved! Now what is man's greatest need? He wants to be admired, he wants to be respected. She is a lover, but he is an achiever. God gave her a nurturing instinct, but God told him, "To dress the garden and keep the garden". God equipped him mentally to do that; God gave him that hard exterior. He wants to be admired by her.
I want Joyce to admire me. I get more blessing when Joyce admires me, and says, "Adrian, you are wonderful". She gets a blessing when I am romantic and loving and tender toward her. When they gave the men the same poll, romance rated number 28 to men. Now when a woman tells a man a problem, you know what the average man will do? He'll try to fix it. She doesn't want you to fix it. Joyce was in the airport, she was over in Knoxville and she missed a plane. She called me, she said, "I just missed the plane". I said, "Well, go to another counter". She said, "I did that". I said, "Is there another plane"? She said, "I just missed the plane". I said, "Well what time". Said, "I just missed the plane". I said, "Well what". "I just missed the plane". I said, "Joyce"!
That was a mistake. She did not want me to fix it. Trying to fix it acted like I didn't want to hear her; she wanted sympathy. Men, they don't always want you to fix it, they just want you to hug them and to love them. They want love, but what does a man want? A man wants admiration. He gets his joy out of being successful. I wish I had more time, but men, show your wives more tenderness, show them more love, be more patient, give more honor as unto the weaker vessel. Ladies, when you're having a conversation and your husband wants the facts, cut to the chase, will you? I mean, just tell us up front what you're talking about, then you can embellish it later on, and then we'll have at least some idea how to process the information. Would you do that, please? And hey, keep yourself beautiful for us. And guys, try to be a little more romantic. As a matter of fact, both of us need to learn. Which is better? Neither is better. We are just different.
When they built the San Francisco bridge, the engineers built that bridge, where all of the parts inter-fit, but they all sway. In the middle of that suspension bridge, that one mile span, it will sway as much as 20 feet. It's concrete and steel, it's all bolted and welded together, but there's flexibility, there's elasticity there, but they're two incredible towers, great towers, that go down, down, down to bedrock, and all of those cables connect everything to those two great towers. Got it? Now, what keeps that bridge up? Two things. Number one, the foundation. Number two, the flexibility. Okay? Now, what are the two great towers for your home? Love for God and love for one another. That's the bedrock. The rest of it is the flexibility that keeps your bridge from falling down. Aren't you glad that God made us different? Isn't it great living with a man or living with a woman? Thank God for it, thank God. Let's celebrate the difference.
Now bow your heads in prayer. Heads are bowed, eyes are closed. Now folks, without Jesus you just can't have the right kind of a home without truly knowing Him as Lord and Savior, and if you have never received Christ into your heart as your Lord and Savior, I want to invite you to do it right now. If you've never invited Christ into your heart, would you pray a prayer like this:
Dear God, I need You, I want You. Jesus, You died to save me. You promised to save me if I would only trust You. I do trust You, Jesus. Come into my heart, forgive my sin. I turn from my sin, forgive me, cleanse me. Save me, Lord Jesus.
Would you pray that prayer? And then pray this:
Lord Jesus, because You died for me, I will live for You the rest of my life. Now give me the courage to make it public. Help me not to be ashamed of You. In Your name I pray, Amen.