Toure Roberts - People Skills (01/15/2026)
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In this teaching from John 13:34-35, Jesus gives a new commandment to love one another as He has loved us, declaring that this persistent, held love—expressed through godly people skills—will mark true disciples and attract the world to Him. Drawing from Galatians 5 and James 1, the speaker emphasizes that in a polarized, empathy-lacking society, believers must embody the fruit of the Spirit, practice forgiveness for their own sake, and develop skills like listening, slow speech, and controlled anger to model Christ's reconciling love. The conclusion calls for releasing unforgiveness at the altar, promising freedom, healing, and greater blessing through empathy and unity over division.
Introduction and Key Scripture
I want you to look at John chapter 13 really quickly with me. I think this is such a critical and important word. I’m not going to be preaching today — today will be teaching, not gonna preach. I just want to teach a little bit. I want to empower us in a life skill, and I believe with a divine life skill that might quite frankly be the most important life skill that any of us ever have.
And Jesus is speaking to His disciples and He says, «A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.» And then in verse 35 it says, «By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.» And that word «have» can be better translated «hold.» So it better reads, «By this — this culture, this love culture, this culture of interaction with people — by this all will know that you are My disciples if you hold» — hallelujah — «if you hold love for one another.»
In other words, love is something you’ve got to hold, because it’s easy to fumble love. Yeah, you get hit hard enough — pun intended on Super Bowl Sunday — you get hit hard enough, sometimes it’s easy to fumble love. And as long as you’ve got the rock, you can score. Did you catch the analogy? A little corny, but that’s okay, that’s okay.
«By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.»
People Skills as a Divine Mandate
Today I want to talk about people skills. People skills. You may be seated. People skills. People skills.
It’s when you think about the workplace, you think about any sort of business, any school, anything — in fact, if we regulate it to the workplace — one of the things that any employer wants to know is whether or not you have people skills. And it’s kind of funny how we make people skills like this added bonus, benefit skill — like most people don’t have it, but if you have it you’re special. When the reality of it is, unless we are living alone on an island, we’re gonna have to interact with people. And so you would think that people skills and the pursuit of having people skills and to develop people skills would actually be the norm. It’s almost like it should be taught in school. I mean, we all are people and we have to interact with others, so this shouldn’t be some sort of bonus. This shouldn’t be an elective. This should be mandatory.
And in the text Jesus is basically saying that His idea for reaching people — one of His prime strategies for reaching people — is that people will ultimately see our people skills. They will see this culture of love and this culture of interaction with one another, and the demonstration of that will be so attractive to society and so attractive to culture that they will want to meet our Teacher. It says, «By this they will know you are My disciple» — My disciple means My pupil — which means that they will be attracted to the Teacher.
So in other words, one of the most strategic evangelistic outreach strategies is not you handing out a tract, it’s not you knocking on a door hoping and wishing to tell somebody about Jesus — although that’s wonderful, you gotta do it, make it do what it do, that’s fine, I’m not against that — but what Jesus is saying is, «Let Me tell you how for sure, for certain you are going to attract people to Me: it’s the culture in which you do life. It’s your people skills. It is how you love. It is how you interact with one another.»
Because right now the world is greatly deprived of people skills. And there are a lot of things that can be responsible for it. Social media — I love social media, I use it, I have a significant social media following, social media is wonderful — but one thing that social media and the era of social media has done is it has robbed us a little bit of people skills, because we reduce people down to an avatar or a photo. And that’s why on social media people can be so nasty. You would never see people in the grocery store saying the things that they say to people on social media. Something has happened to us.
And now we are just not… because you all are saved and wonderful and beautiful and full of love, but some people can be so nasty. I mean, talk about you like you are an absolute worthless piece of nothing and just hit «send» and move on with their life. And so there is this deficit, which means there is an opportunity for the church to model in society and culture what godly humanity looks like. There’s an opportunity. Are you tracking with me?
It’s almost like Jesus knew that the world would ultimately be polarized. He said this is gonna be one of the ways that they know that I’m in this thing — how you love people, how you treat people. And you know what’s interesting — a lot of times you can misread that verse and think that Jesus is saying that people are going to know or recognize that you are a child of God or one of Jesus’ disciples by how you treat one another. And a lot of times we think that He’s just talking about how church people treat church people — and sometimes that stands to need a little work, I won’t even go there — but the reality of it is He’s not just talking about how church people treat church people. He’s talking about how humans treat humans. Oh, you’re gonna catch it.
It’s this culture — this culture of love — and we’re gonna talk about what some of those people skills are in just a second, but it is this culture of love that we have to establish through our interactions with those who are not just in the church but, more importantly, outside the church. Because any culture you do not engage, you cannot transform. Say it again: any culture you do not engage, you cannot transform.
Jesus is also saying that the mark — the mark — of a true believer is in our excellent people skills. Feel the Holy Spirit. Our excellent people skills. Can I teach today?
The Challenge of Loving in a Polarized World
Now here is the truth — here’s the truth about it: you and I cannot do it without the Holy Spirit, because we’ve got limits. We’ve got limits on our people skills. We’ll be real nice until you cross the line. Come on, somebody — you know what I’m talking about. We’ll come out of church and we’ll be «Hallelujah, bless the Lord, I love everybody, thank You Jesus, I love everybody, » and you’ll get cut off once or twice — „Yo, this thing is hard!“ I mean, it’s really hard to be a full-time lover. Can we have a real conversation in here on this Sunday morning? Come on, LA, let’s have a real conversation. It is hard to be a full-time lover. One comment on social media will just flip you completely out. You will no longer be saved. You will use some words that you haven’t used since yesterday.
Now more than any other time in history we have to embody people skills. We’ve got to deal with people. And the climate in our country — and really truly in our world — is so polarized, and everybody’s got an opinion. And there is nothing wrong with having an opinion — that is your right and your prerogative. The problem is when someone else has a different opinion, all of a sudden we go into attack mode.
And watch this — and it’s not in my notes, but watch out for grouping and the categorization of self. I’ve gotta say this. Don’t be so quick to label yourself anything, because in a polarized society one of the underpinnings is a society where we are quick to want to put you in Box A or Box B. I feel the Holy Spirit. And that’s why as believers we can’t let anybody put us in any boxes.
You know what I am? I’m a believer. I’m a lover. I’m not „this“ or „that.“ I’m not „that“ or „this.“ What I am is a child of God. I represent the King. I love you no matter what you do, no matter what you think. I’m not here to argue — I’m here to model something. Are you tracking with me? Just tell your neighbor, „Don’t let nobody put you in a box.“ Don’t let… don’t let… because in a polarized, antagonistic society — which is the world we’re living in right now — the reason I want to define you is so that I can judge you. That’s why I need to define you. Because I’m cantankerous — there is a cantankerous spirit in our nation right now, a spirit of argument and rebellion, and there’s a lot going on.
And so what I want to do — quickly, because I’m lazy — I don’t want to take the time to get to know you, because that would be work, and that would be this thing called empathy, which we’ll talk about in a second. I don’t want to get to know you, so instead of taking the time to get to know you, what I’d rather do is define you very quickly so I can judge you as „one of them“ and justify my religious conscience. Can we have a real conversation today? Can we talk about the world for real? Not sweet little baby Jesus in the manger — that’s Talladega Nights. Oh, you haven’t watched that movie? It’s really funny.
I want you to be ready for the real world. I want you to not be swayed or moved by the whims. I want you to understand what’s happening. You need people skills. If I can define you, I can judge you. If I can define you, I can justify my righteousness. So don’t let anybody define you. Oh, I feel the Holy Spirit. „What denomination are you?“ I just love Jesus. „I don’t know, what do you think I am?“ I’m a lover — how about that? „What faith are you?“ I’m a lover. I love God, I love myself, and I love people. Come on, church, with me — are you tracking with me?
And so we can’t do this without the Holy Spirit. This is so important. We can’t do it without the Holy Spirit. And so I want to show you a couple of additional passages that I believe will help us to be who we need to be. Because Jesus is saying this as He is making His way to the cross, and He’s trying to set us up, and He’s saying, „Lord, people, as I have loved you, I need you to love other people. And if you love other people right, you’re gonna demonstrate something that the world is looking for in Me.“
Let me tell you something right now: what no one can deny is real love. And some people will test your love. Some of you have been engaged in arguments not so you can prove that you were right, but to see how deep your love runs. Does your love run as deep as Jesus’? And something about this love culture, something about these divine people skills is going to begin to attract people to you. It stands out in a culture of division. And I think people are tired of being sick and tired. We can’t get anywhere arguing and fighting. We couldn’t even agree on a budget — can I talk to you real? This is not a political thing, I’m not swinging left or right, but that cantankerous spirit — we can’t even get stuff done, and people are getting furloughed and money’s all backed up. Division doesn’t work. We need people skills.
So let’s look at some passages of Scripture, and I think it will allow us to get a little more into the weeds of this thing. Because I really believe that society is looking for leadership, because this enmity is not productive and it’s exhausting.
The Fruit of the Spirit as People Skills
Let’s look at Galatians 5:22. We all know this — we’ve seen this passage forever. I love this. And for the first time as I looked at Galatians 5:22 I began to see what are the characteristics that will develop excellent people skills — excellent, not just for the world, but for your family, for your marriage, for you boo, for your ex-boo, for you looking for a boo, for your family, for your kids. We need people skills.
Here we go: „But the fruit of the Spirit“ — hallelujah, I love it — „the fruit of the Spirit“ — the fruit is the evidence of the Spirit. The evidence of the Spirit are these nine things Paul lays out. He says the evidence, the fruit, the evidence of the Spirit — if you don’t have the Spirit you don’t have this, and if you don’t have this you don’t have the Spirit, because the Spirit has evidence. Here we go.
It says, „But the fruit of the Spirit is love…“ The first thing right there is love. And you know this word „love“ — it’s agape, it’s real love, love that’s not easily shaken. And I believe He throws love out there first because love is the substratum, it is the foundation on which all the other skills and attributes exist. That’s why we’ve got to figure this love thing out. That first passage says we’ve got to hold our love — we’ve got to hold on to it. We can’t fumble it.
As the people in this room right now — one news report and your love goes right out the window. It just came out. Can’t we just have a real conversation here? Love is something not simply to be had — it’s something to be held. Are you tracking with me?
It talks about long-suffering in just a second, but I’ll be honest with you, man — I don’t like the way unforgiveness feels. Can I just tell the truth? I was a little salty a couple weeks ago because somebody did something, and at first I felt justified in my saltiness. „Little seasoning never hurt anybody.“ I felt justified. But if I’m honest — and I think we ought to always be examining ourselves, taking inventory — it didn’t really feel good. It didn’t feel right. I didn’t feel like myself. There was almost like a flow that had stopped. Like there was some sort of — you’re not gonna like this analogy — but there was like some constipation. And that never feels good. It was like the best version of me — the me that is creative and productive and beautiful and healthy — got clogged up.
Because sometimes, let’s just keep it 100, sometimes you need a little more motivation to do the right thing than it simply being the right thing. We know what to do, but sometimes we don’t always do what we know. We know we’re supposed to forgive — this is not new to anybody. „I know that.“ And then we make up these cute little… „Yeah, I’ll forgive but I won’t forget.“ You’ve heard that before. You’ve said that before. It feels good. It feels real spiritual. But it’s not. Because actually, to a certain degree, forgetting is a part of forgiving. You don’t like that. That doesn’t feel safe. „But me not forgetting helps protect me from it ever happening again.“ That doesn’t feel safe.
Let me show you something. Go to Isaiah 43:25 real quick. I didn’t feel good. Something didn’t feel right. I didn’t feel clean. I felt clogged, even though I was justified — what that individual did to me was wrong — but it didn’t feel right. And then I saw this verse, and it did something to me.
This is the prophet speaking on behalf of God: „I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake; and I will not remember your sins.“ So I looked at that and I was like, „Oh my God, I totally get it.“ God cannot remain holy by retaining the sins that His children do. Did you catch that? So if God is saying, „I know you’re tripping, I know you messed up, but I still need to maintain My God-ness, so for My own sake, so that I can maintain who I am, I’m gonna blot out your transgressions and not remember your sins anymore.“
Now if this is God’s portion, then surely it must be my portion. Because let me tell you something — you do not mean enough to me to keep me from being me. I am not gonna be constipated because of what you did. I want to flow. So I’ll forgive — and you know what? I’m gonna forget too. Because unforgiveness, truth be told, is the memory being repeated, and it creates something in your heart. Let’s just tell the truth — you play again in your mind what happened to you, and that’s why you feel the way you feel. And what you may need to do is get another narrative about what happened to you.
See, oftentimes we know what a person did, but we don’t know why they did it. I’mma teach today — no shouting, only learning. We know what a person did, and we make judgments based on what they did, but that judgment will almost always be in error if you don’t know the why. Oh hallelujah. I know the what, but I don’t know the why. And I might need to reserve some degree of judgment until I get the why. Now some things are crazy, I know that. But most things — we judge people’s actions and we fail to be empathetic.
Let’s run through these real quick. The fruit of the Spirit: love — that’s easy but not easy, gotta hold it. Joy — that’s cheerfulness. Peace — this word was interesting; I looked at that Greek word for peace, and it has the idea of „to join.“ So part of what it means to be a believer is to be a peacemaker. It should not be so quick to jump on one side but figure out, „What can I do to join these sides together?“ Oh, I feel the Holy Spirit. The Bible says, „Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God.“ There’s a connection between that and that passage in John where Jesus says they will know you by your love, by your love culture, by your people skills.
Then in Matthew — different writer, still recounting the words of Jesus — „Blessed are the peacemakers“ — the ones who know how to not be so caught up in two polarizing climates but to try to find the middle ground and to bring two people together, to join them together. We can agree to disagree but do not have to allow our disagreement to divide us. I’ve taught my people skills. To truly be a child of God you can’t be lazy. It is lazy to say, „This is just what I believe.“
I’ve had some interesting conversations with people on social media — I think sometimes I just need to back off — and I challenge people on both sides of any argument. And some people will be so locked into their position that even when I try to pull out a middle ground they will agree there needs to be middle ground but then just swing to their opinion and stay there. It’s the craziest thing ever. And I’m thinking to myself, „What Bible are you reading, and what Christ are you following?“ Because Jesus was a bridge-builder. Do I have any bridge-builders in God’s house today? Commit to be a bridge-builder.
Long-suffering — I kind of talked about that. In order to be a good lover you’ve got to be long-suffering. You’ve got to go through some stuff. There’s some people that — in fact, they ought to add a few more O’s in that „long“ — just looooong suffering. Yes, as long as it takes in order to preserve love.
Kindness — pretty simple, it’s kindness, but it also has to do with you doing things. I’m just running through these really quickly. It’s not just that you’re sweet — it’s a character that acts, it does something. Goodness is goodness. Faithfulness — that’s not really „faithfulness“ like you faithfully do something; it’s pistis in the Greek, which means you’re full of faith. Gentleness — that’s meekness and humility. How many of us know meekness is not weakness? Meekness is power under control.
And then self-control — if you break those two words down, I love that word — self-control means inner dominion, inner dominion. In other words, I have dominion over my insides. I have dominion. I don’t just blurt out things. I’ve got dominion over my inside.
Against such there is no law. If you look at all those things — who wouldn’t want to be around, learn from, or follow somebody who embodied all those things?
Empathy and James 1:19
But I want to take it a step further. Now I want to look at James chapter 1, and this is really the one where I want us to spend our time really looking and understanding, and hopefully this challenges us to something more. Because if you don’t have empathy, you can’t do this. If you don’t have empathy, you can’t do this. And I’ve seen people describe this world and this culture that we’re in as a „too-sensitive“ culture — you know, everyone gets offended by everything. And I can understand that position, but let’s just think about this thought for a second.
And you have people that walk around like, „I’m tired of being politically correct… I just want to say what I mean and mean what I say. Why do I have to always say things the right way or avoid these offensive things?“ And sometimes, you know, in our culture and in our nation, in our world, you have people get to this place where „I’m just tired of having to tippy-toe around…“ And basically what you’re saying is you are content with being lazy.
I understand the frustration, because the reality of it is you have many cultures and subcultures and lifestyles, and we are — you know, we’re not just Americans, we’re people from all over the world who have become Americans, which means that you have a lot of different appraisals for that. And so to take the position „I wish I didn’t have to be sensitive“ is to subscribe to being lazy. Oh, you didn’t like that? That’s okay, that’s okay. Yeah, that’s what lazy people say: „I don’t want to do the work to understand someone. I don’t value that person enough to try to understand their culture or what might hurt them and harm them, so I would rather just stick to what I know, my little myopic world and myopic space, and not give a doggone about anybody that’s different from me“ — which is not what our Christ represents at all.
And you’ve got to break that spirit. The faith is not for lazy people. It is for people who will work hard, who will learn, who will do whatever they have to do to — by any means — win somebody else. If I’ve got to sit with you and learn of you and learn what moves you and try to understand what I don’t understand, I’m gonna do it, because you were created in God’s image. You are valuable to me. You are more important to me than my opinion. I will sit down and learn. I don’t have to agree with everything, but I will honor you and value you enough not to be offensive to you, especially when I didn’t mean to do so. Are you tracking with me?
Do I have any people in here — you’re not gonna be a lazy Christian. You know what? I’m gonna sit with you. I’m gonna hear your thoughts. If this makes you feel bad, then it makes me feel bad. Are you tracking with me? You’ve got to break out of this „thump my Bible“ thing. „It is okay, but the Bible says…“ — that’s wonderful, but what if that person doesn’t subscribe to your Bible? That is called circular reasoning. „I don’t need my Bible — you know what? I’m gonna show you my love. I’m gonna show you my people skills. I will show you that God is with me and I am with God.“ Because no one cares what you know until they know that you care. We need people skills.
It can’t be a lazy Christian, can’t be a lazy believer. You’ve got to sit with people.
So in James — check this out, it’s beautiful. James says (and interestingly enough James is kind of known as being kind of hard — James don’t play when it comes to words), „So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath…“ Oh, I love that. Swift to hear — let’s sit down and reason together a little bit. That’s my people skills. You’re gonna need them to win some. Swift to hear.
See, when you stop and actually listen, you will learn so much about someone that you would have almost had a knee-jerk reaction to judge. Oh, I gotta take my time here. Quick to hear — before I cast this judgment on you, let me sit down and hear how you think, how did you get to where you are, what is your perspective on this. Anybody knows that one of the most significant and critical people skills is to be a good listener. Sometimes you’ve got to even go beyond hearing, because sometimes you can hear but not listen. Are you tracking with me? And so you’re hearing but you’re already calculating your argument. So you’ve been there before — let’s just keep it 100, come on somebody. Especially when you’re married and you got a good one — while your partner is talking to you, or you know, if you’re not married, even when you’re single, when you’re in this debate or whatever — while they’re talking and something will go off and you have like this real strategic chess move play that comes up. And if you’re like me — I’m kind of like a lawyer, to be honest with you, I struggle with this — if you say something, I mean not stupid, say something, I will have it dismantled really quickly in my head. And what happens is — and I’m actually the one that’s being stupid in that moment — because I didn’t take time to listen to the entire argument, and so I open my mouth and speak, and I speak improperly because I was a hearer but I wasn’t a listener. And we have to be good listeners.
Aren’t you glad that Jesus is a good listener? Can you imagine going to Jesus with a problem and Jesus saying, „Hold on, I’m busy right now. Hold on, I can’t really… I ain’t got time“? Aren’t you glad that anytime, anyplace, anywhere you could go sit at the feet of Jesus and He is listening? He will listen to your trauma. Come on, you know we got drama sometimes.
I wonder if every believer on the planet would be slow to speak — and undeniably in that speaking there’s judging — so slow to judge and quick to hear. I wonder… I keep going back to social media — I wonder before we would comment on something if we would be more swift to hear with the goal of gaining an insight of the other person’s perspective. Oh hallelujah. Sometimes we are so in love with our own perspective that we have no desire at all to hear someone else’s. We are so infatuated with our own belief system that we won’t stop and at least try to understand what another person believes and why they believe it.
It is easy to judge and to criticize what you don’t understand. It is much more difficult to be mean to another human being once you have unpacked the reason why they’re in the position that they’re in. It’s easy to drive by somebody on the side of the road with a sign saying „give me five dollars.“ It’s another thing to pull over — hello somebody — and have a conversation and try to understand how the person got there so that you can develop empathy. That’s what we’re missing in this world — we’re missing empathy on every side. We stop caring. We care about our opinion more than we care about that which was created in God’s image. We need people skills.
So James says, „Be quick to hear and slow to speak.“ Now what does it mean by slow to speak? I think that James understands the power of words. He understands the power of words. I need to be slow to speak because once this comes out of my mouth I cannot take it back. Oh, I feel this. Once… and my words are powerful. I was created in God’s image, which means that I create with my words. There’s some people even sitting in this room, sitting in LA, watching via livestream — and your life is broken down not because somebody hit you but because somebody shot you with a bullet word, and you’re trying to recover from the damage not of physical abuse but verbal abuse.
I have to be responsible with my mouth because it is more deadly than a pistol sometimes. I can heal from a gunshot wound prayerfully, but I cannot heal from the creative power of a word from somebody I respected or disrespected. People right now that are struggling and they have strongholds simply because somebody did not shoot them with a gun but they shot them with a word.
We have to go and get licenses and get training to carry a weapon in this country. Some of us need to get licenses and training before we open our mouth because we’re killing people with our words. And as a result of that we’ve got to be slow to speak. The Bible says let no corrupt communication come out of your mouth, and if you look at that — if you studied it in the Greek it’s interesting because what it says is „let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth“ — that word „proceed“ is almost like a gun blast. Don’t let no corrupt communication blast out of your mouth. Man, I feel that. We’re gonna do some praying in here in a minute, I feel the Lord.
After the Lord He says be quick to hear — it’s gotta be us, it’s gotta be us. Quick to hear, slow to speak, quick to hear, quick to learn, quick to listen, quick to listen, slow to speak — allowing an opportunity for wisdom to arise, allowing for opportunities for me to get out of my feelings. Because the most dangerous — the most dangerous — you’re a dangerous weapon when you’re in your feelings. And if you’re in relationships, let me tell you — some wise men told me once, and it was simple but it was profound. He was like, „Young man, no, you haven’t been married a long time“ — that’s his voice — „but whatever you do with your wife, make certain you don’t say something that you can’t take back.“ And it didn’t sound all profound, but it was. I gotta live with you for the rest of my life. I don’t want to give you something that will cause division in our relationship. You could say something, you have forgotten about it because you didn’t really mean it, you were just in the heat of the moment and you said it, and sometimes the people that are closest to us are the ones that we verbally abuse the most because we expect them to know we didn’t mean it. „You know I was just playing.“ Yeah, but you called me a certain something in that zone. Yeah, but you didn’t know I meant… but you said it. It came out of your mouth and it was directed at me.
Quick to hear, slow to speak. We have to make up our mind that the only word that’s gonna come out of our mouths is a word that’s gonna add value to somebody. Oh, I feel the Holy Spirit. And that takes time — that’s why you gotta be slow to speak. I don’t want to say anything to you unless it’s gonna add value to you. And some people that means you just gotta stand there for about five minutes until it comes to you. What if you don’t have anything good to say — don’t say anything at all. Now if your friends that are with you, if they stop talking to you, you’re gonna know what’s going on.
Quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. What else does it say? It says, „So then, my beloved brethren, be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.“ Right? That means that we’ve got to deal with this temper. Does anybody have a temper? Anybody want to tell the truth? Just look straight ahead, just don’t… yeah. Anything can throw you off.
Here is the problem — there’s a proverb that ultimately says (I’m paraphrasing), „He who is unable to rule his spirit is like a city whose walls are broken down.“ That means that if I don’t rule my spirit, I can’t protect my life. Are you tracking with me? Being a hothead is dangerous. I can’t… I have to rule my spirit. I have to have inner dominion, especially in today’s time, because people are going to throw stuff at you. I’m telling you, if they haven’t done it, they will do it — they’re gonna throw stuff at you. People want to fight, they want to argue — it just is what it is, it is crazy. I don’t know what’s going on in our world. And if you are not a ruler of your spirit, they’re gonna rule your spirit, and the next thing you know something terrible is gonna happen, and you’re gonna miss opportunities because somebody pushed your button. The devil is a liar. I don’t want anybody to be able to push my buttons but me. Are you tracking with me?
People will manipulate you if you don’t know how to rule your spirit — push your buttons. I used to get in trouble because I had a temper when I was in school. I got in a lot of trouble. I used to get in trouble at school ’cause I had a temper, and everybody knew it. So what they would do was — every time they’d talk about my momma. I love her even now — see, even now, Holy Spirit come, Holy Spirit come — but let me tell you that. And they knew: if you talk about his mom, he’s gonna go through the roof. You catch what I’m saying? He’s gonna go through the roof. And it was true. They’d be like, „Your mama so…“ and I’m like, „Oh my God, ” and the day would be ruined, I’d be fighting. And you know what? They never got in trouble. Some of y’all know what I’m talking about. Just even to this day, right now, somebody said something about your mama right here in church — you will start fighting and pull out knives and everything, all right?
And then I realized — I realized that they were controlling me. They’re controlling me. First of all, it’s not true. It’s not true. So you’re pushing my buttons — no. Slow to wrath.
And then this is the last thing: it says, „For the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.“ That word „righteousness“ really means „character.“ So the wrath of man does not produce the character of God.
The Call to Empathy and Unity
What am I saying in this simple, basic but very critical and necessary message? Family, we have to walk in something different. We have to walk — Jesus said it, these aren’t my words, these are Jesus’ words — we’ve got to walk in something different. We’ve got to walk in empathy. Yep, in empathy.
I love everybody, man, but I tell you — if I could pray for every leader in this country, in this world, in this age, the number one thing I think that I would pray for is empathy. I’m just seeing things and they’re spinning out of control, and people are getting bold in their arrogance, and there’s no empathy in sight. Nobody’s thinking about the other person. And I see the world splitting in half. I see it. And I believe that the church — I think we’re the answer. I really do. I think we are the answer. And I think people are tired of being sick and tired of this enmity.
And Jesus says, „Let Me tell you something: by My Spirit you can operate in something different.“ It’s okay to be mad — the Bible says be angry but sin not. In other words, don’t lose… don’t lose who you are.
And I really believe that there’s something that God is wanting to do in the hearts of believers that allows them to flow in something different. If the fruit of the Spirit — love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, kindness, faith, self-control — if these things aren’t flowing in our lives, then maybe we’re clogged up somewhere.
You know what unforgiveness is? It’s subtle hate. If you’re honest, that’s what it is. Because when you have that memory, something shoots through your heart and it closes you up and it shuts you down from the person, but then also from anything that could look like that person. And God wants to use you, He wants to flow through you. We’ve got to have people skills. We’ve got to be negotiators, we’ve got to be reconcilers, we can’t be instigators of drama.
I’ll be honest with you — sometimes it’s not even about being right, it’s about being one. Sometimes being one is more important than being right. Hello somebody. Jesus prayed this in John 17 — He didn’t pray that they’d be right, He said, „My prayer is that you’d be one.“ Because if you can get one in Me, you’ll get two right.
Altar Call and Personal Testimony
I want to pray for you. Empathy is everything. I want us to practice the discipline, the habit, the routine of — right when I’m getting ready to cast a judgment — think for a moment and then put yourself in the other person’s shoes. We can’t be lazy.
Let’s say I disagree with you — where it stands, there’s no doubt about that — but let me try to consider what it’s like to be you. And what would I want you to be to me if you were me and I were you? Are you tracking with me?
Jesus modeled empathy. He modeled empathy so masterfully that He comes from heaven and becomes like us and sits with us in order to win us. People who have good people skills rise to the top of everything. They rise to the top of schools, they rise to the top of business, they rise to the top of corporations, they rise to the top of society. And I believe this is one of God’s strategies.
So I want to pray for you. If you hear and you know you need people skills, if you hear and you’re one of those ones — it’d be better off fighting on Instagram, fighting on Facebook, and you look up and you just keep replying and then you’re waiting to see what they reply, and you’re fighting — I want to have a real moment. I know it’s crazy out there and I know everything is big, bad and bold right now, and that’s wonderful, but God is looking for some people who would love like Him, who will be empathetic like Him. And I believe, according to what Jesus said, that’s how we’re gonna win the world.
So while everyone is standing real quick, we’re gonna pray. I need people skills. I need to learn how to be quick to hear. I need to learn how to be slow to speak. I look up and this up my mouth — did I say that? Yep, you did. I need to forgive because I’m losing myself when I don’t. If that’s you, you hear and you feel slightly convicted — not condemned, because we don’t do that here — but you feel slightly convicted, and you look more like the arguer than the unifier — I want you to meet me at this altar. LA, you can come down as well. I want to pray for you. This is real.
I personally believe — honestly, you can come on, I won’t stop talking, I’ll pray for you — I personally believe that there’s some things that are held back from you because of… I must say this, you’re not gonna like it, but on the same day the truth — because of your attitude. And no one will tell you, so I’m telling you. You kind of mean. You kind of mean. You kind of mean just a little bit. Sometimes brokenness is a part of it — you’ve been so broken, all you know how to do is break stuff, break relationships.
I want to pray for you. God’s gonna heal something, and it’s gonna open doors for you. There are people — I don’t know who this is for — sometimes you got to kind of listen to people. If all of the relationships that you have, whether romantic or platonic or whatever, if they all seem to go away, one thing you have to consider is that you are the common denominator in all those things. Seriously. „Well no, they did this and they did that, they did that…“ and it’s all them, but today like a hundred days and they are all different and one you. And that’s not a judgment — this is real. And I just want to pray for you.
I want us to be like Jesus. Jesus — most people, a lot of people know His name, they’ve heard His name, but they haven’t heard His culture, His lifestyle. Jesus had incredible people skills. He dealt with everybody from the harlot to the rich tax collector who was ripping people off — from the lowest to the highest. The Word says that these were His friends — like friends — which means He had incredible inter-relational skills. He had this wide contrast of friends. Interestingly enough, what He says — He lets your love for… when He was talking, Judas was sitting right there, and He knew who Judas was from the start. He had His betrayer right there in His company and never said anything. In fact, when He finally said something, He said it in code so as not to embarrass him in front of his peers. People skills. People skills.
And you’re gonna get it because the Spirit embodies Christ’s people skills. I’m not asking you and myself to be who we’re not. This is about awakening to who we truly are as believers. And I’m afraid that if we don’t get this right, we’re gonna be swept up into something and will ultimately be ineffective in the kingdom.
The Bible says in the last days the love of many is going to grow cold, and we can’t let that happen to us. We’ve got to hold it. We’ve got to hold it.
Young man Jesse Smollett, who you may have heard about — he was viciously attacked and beaten in Chicago recently because of both his race and his sexual orientation, and this was earlier this week. And in California last night he had a concert, and although he was still basically — they threw stuff on his face, chemical on his face, and beat him down, a bunch of racial slurs and all, and put a rope around his neck — and your I didn’t hear about that, but whatever, maybe you did, maybe you didn’t — and he fought through his pain to get to this concert. And one of the things that it was reported that he said is, „I couldn’t let hate win. I had to show up because love is greater than hate.“ I respect that. I respect that.
Love keeps showing up even when you’re wrong, even when people treat you bad, even when people try to keep… see, to not love, since God is love, to not love is to die. I’ve gotta forgive you because, for my own sake — it’s not even for you. You’ll get yours, and I’m not even gonna be standing around looking for it. You’ll get yours. I gotta get that out of my mind. I have to remain a lover.
Last thing I’ll say — so far out of time. I remember when I first planted the church. Now I love the pastor that I grew up under, I love him, but there were some things that went on that he did that quite frankly I didn’t understand. I didn’t have the why — I had the what, and the what was painful. And I left with the what, not the why. And quite frankly I was bitter. I was bitter with this pastor. And it wasn’t quite right what he did, but when you grow you understand the why, and the why would have made me not bitter. I would have still moved, but it wouldn’t have made me bitter.
Anyway, I planted a church. The church would not grow. On Easter, in two years, on Easter Sunday there were a whopping 27 people after two years of preaching my face off — a whopping mega-church of 27 people on Easter Sunday. Hallelujah.
And then the Lord came to me in a dream and He said, „You need to forgive him.“ This is for somebody. „You need to forgive him.“ And it was interesting because in the dream He came to me in the dream and He said, „I’m sorry, ” and „You were right.“ It was just a dream, but it gave me the grace to forgive him.
Something is happening spiritually right now. Something’s happening spiritually. Because I couldn’t forgive him on my own. So God, ultimately what He was doing in that dream, was God was showing me the highest version of him, the true version of him. And he had, in the dream, the true version of him apologized to me for what he did. That was a grace, and it healed my heart. And I forgave him.
The moment that I forgave him, revelation started flowing, and revelation told me where to go and plant the church. It was almost like Jesus and Peter — Jesus, Peter had toiled all night and caught nothing (my wife taught on it the other night) — he had toiled all night and caught nothing, and then Jesus says, „Okay, put your net down here.“ That’s how it was for me. Once I forgave, Jesus says, „Now go plant your church over there.“ And I planted the church over there by faith after I forgave, after I forgave him, after I released it. I planted that church there, and it became the fastest-growing church in Los Angeles overnight. Multiple thousands of people came, and it would not have happened had I not forgiven, because there was a flow that would not come to me.
If you’re here and you need to forgive — Los Angeles, Denver, come get to this altar right now. Something is happening by the Holy Spirit. I’m past the time we’re supposed to be done right now, but something is happening. You need to forgive. You need to forgive. You need to forgive. Come on, just come down to this altar right now. Something is happening by the Holy Spirit. Come on, come on, come on, come on. Get here. I see you coming in LA. Come on, come on. Get here, get here, get here, get here, get here. You haven’t been able to up to this point, but you’re getting ready to be able to. Get here.
For my own sake. For my own sake. For my own sake. For me. For my future. For my destiny. For my calling. For my legacy. For my children. For my children’s children. For the mission of God that’s on my life.
Keep coming, keep coming, keep coming, keep coming, keep coming, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep. Get here. Don’t miss this moment.
So here’s the thing — the reason I believe that God showed me in a dream the highest version of the one who hurt me… Listen to this day he has never said that to me. That dream was almost 15 years ago. He’s never said it. But I have received it. Ah, you gotta catch this. Good God Almighty, you gotta catch this. I’m not waiting on you to say „I’m sorry.“ What does that mean? That has nothing to do with me. Okay? I don’t have time to wait. I don’t have time to wait for your apology. If I would have been waiting, if God wouldn’t have come to me in that dream, I would still be stuck.
So sometimes God will show up in a service or He’ll show up in a dream or He’ll show up in a moment to give you the grace to do what you couldn’t do in your own strength.
Here is what you need to understand: hurt people — broken people — break people. Which means that hurt hurt you — not the person. Brokenness broke you — not the person. Not the person. You’ve got to understand that for others and for yourself. Because you’ve hurt somebody too — yes you have — and you’ve broken somebody somewhere along the line.
So God shows me who he is supposed to be, and what I did was I forgave him not according to who he was, but according to God’s intention of who he should be. I haven’t gotten an apology and I don’t need one. I’m healed. I’m free. I’m good. Like, it wouldn’t even mean anything to me now. But boy, oh boy, I’ll tell you.
So we’re gonna leave it at this altar. For my own sake. For my own sake. I want to be pure. I want to be like You.
Closing Prayer
Father, I thank You for those who are gathered here at this altar right now for a number of reasons. And Father, You have channeled this service to this very moment to get us to this place of grace where we can release something that up to this point we could not find the grace to do.
I want you to put your hand over your heart. Jesus, I pray right now that You would touch — from Los Angeles to Denver to those who are watching via livestream — I pray, God, that Your love — yep, Your love — would baptize their heart right now, would baptize their heart right now. Lord, fill us to such an overflowing reality of Your love that there will be no further need to try to protect ourselves. We are rich in love. We are rich in how You feel about us. We are rich in the consciousness of Your plans for us. We are rich in our identity in You. And therefore there is no more space for bitterness.
Release it right now. I want you to repeat after me:
„Heavenly Father, You’ve spoken to me today. I hear You and I receive Your words. I thank You for Jesus Christ. Thank You for putting in His body every offense, every hurt, every damaging thing, every evil word, every evil deed. The brokenness of humanity was placed in His body, nailed to the cross and put to death. By His stripes I am whole. So today I transfer my brokenness and my unforgiveness to His body on the cross — off of me and onto Him. And God, as Jesus was raised up, because I’m in Christ, I’m raised up too. And I leave my bitterness and my unforgiveness in the grave.“
Now I want you to envision that thing and let it go. And I want you to envision that person that hurt you in a perfected state, because God loves them too. And God wants that person to be whole. And He wants that person to be His vision for that individual’s life. I want you to see that person loving. I want you to see that person whole. I want you to see that person healed. I want you to see that person remorseful. And what you hear — to see that person saying, „I’m sorry. Forgive me, for I knew not what I was doing. If I would have known that what I was doing would hurt you the way it hurt you, I would have never done it. Forgive me.“
You’ve got a smooth this altar, Lord. Yeah, it’s over. You survived. You made it. It didn’t kill you. And what it cost you — if you forgive, you’ll get back a hundredfold. What it cost you — if you forgive, you’ll get back a hundredfold.
You are not damaged beyond repair. God would not allow it if He would not bring restoration from it. Everything that happens to you must be pre-qualified before it can happen to you. And I hear God saying: if you forgive, your latter will be so much greater than your former. As Joseph — they meant it for evil, but God meant it for good.