TD Jakes - Making Peace With Your Past (01/28/2022)
Maturity means making peace with your past—not just your sins, but your station in life—and learning to bloom where God has planted you, finding contentment while still pursuing His purpose, as Paul did in 2 Timothy 4, trusting that God stands with you and will ultimately reward your faithfulness.
The Building Years and the Danger of Bitterness
You have to mature to consider consequences. By the time you are in your 30s, you ought to be grappling after something, trying to build something, trying to do something, trying to become something. That is why I love what we are doing and what we are getting ready to do with our young adults, because those are your building years. Your 30s and your 40s are your building years, those are your formation years, those are your development years, those are the make-or-break years.
When you get into your 50s and 60s, you begin to recognize that I can still win and I can still accomplish some things, but you start to recognize I may not get what I thought I would get when I started. And if you do not learn how to be good with that, you will become a Saul to some David and you will end up trying to kill somebody who is coming because you wasted your turn.
Making Peace with Your Station in Life
Making peace with your past does not just mean making peace with your sins; it means making peace with your station in life, getting to a place where I am good with it. Alexander the coppersmith hates me, but I am good with it. I am going to put that over in the “I am good with it” column, because I have to balance these books. I am good with the fact that I still can see further than I will ever be able to go.
By the time you get to your 70s, you start to understand that I can see further than I can reach, and if you are not good with that, you will become bitter, and you will become a hater, and you will start trying to destroy people who have more time and more energy than you do. What is a sign of maturity is when you have made peace with where you are. That is why the Bible says, “Godliness with contentment is great gain.”
Contentment Does Not Kill Ambition
To be contented does not mean that you do not have ambition, does not mean that you do not have goals; it means that you do not use your ambition to create frustration. You cannot be so ambitious that you start cutting people’s throats to get ahead; you cannot be so ambitious that you become vicious and ruthless and dangerous. You have got to come to a point that maybe you wanted some things for you that God did not want for you, and you have to be good with where He placed you.
And you might not ever get back to West Africa, but you have got to learn how to bloom where you are planted. And if I never get back, and if I never go here, and if I never go there, I am going to be as fruitful as I can in the land where I am. I am good with it. I cannot spend the rest of my life wishing for something that may not ever happen again. I am good with it.
Finding Peace to Sleep at Night
To come to a place of contentment where you can lay down at night and be contented. It does not mean that you do not have anything that you go after, any goals or anything, but it does mean that whether I get it or not, I am still going to be okay. Whether you like me or not, I am still going to be okay. Whether you clap or not, I am still going to be okay. Whether you support or not, I have come to a place of making peace with where I am in my life and what I went through in my life, and I am good with it.
Because I cannot make you feel good about you until I feel good about me. You can quote what I quote, but until you have been through what I have been through, it is not going to be effective. The only way to be effective is that you have gone through enough that it has changed your attitude, that you are good with where you are in life and you are happy to be you and you are not trying to be nobody else and you are not wishing you were somebody else and you are not wishing you had another mama and you are not wishing you had another daddy.
You are saying it was good that I was afflicted. If it had turned out any other kind of way, I would not have ended up where I ended up. Thank you for rejecting me. Thank you for leaving me by myself. You taught me how to pray; you taught me how to stand on my own two feet. If you would have been there, I would have never met who God wanted me to meet. If you would have been there, I would not have been hungry enough to become anointed enough to become powerful enough to be where I am.
Bloom Where You Are Planted
I am talking to somebody today about making peace with your past so that you do not spend the rest of your life trying to get back somewhere that there is no boat to take you back, but there is strength to bloom where you are planted. And to prosper where you are, you have to be good with being you. Because though I might not have what you have, I got something you do not. And I am not going to focus on what I do not have; I am going to focus on what I do have.
Yes, I am going to do all I can to enhance what I got, but some things God gave you, He did not give me. Well, I am not in a race with you; I am in a race to be the best me that I was created to be. So Paul says, “When people did not stand by me, the Lord stood with me.” Now, who would you rather have stand with you? He said, “The Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the gospel might be proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it, and I was delivered from the lion’s mouth.”
Delivered from the Lion’s Mouth
I was delivered from the lion’s mouth. Now, he means that figuratively, but imagine that literally. I was delivered from the lion’s mouth. Look at how many lions’ mouths you have been in. I was delivered out of the mouth of people that I thought were my friends and really were my enemies. I was delivered from the thing that could have devoured me. The reason I have to praise Him—I was delivered. I should have been dead; I should have had a nervous breakdown; I could have lost my mind. I was delivered from the lion’s mouth.
When you see me praising God, you can imitate my step, but you cannot imitate my gratitude, because nobody knows like I know what my lion was. Everybody in here has a lion, everybody in this room has something that had you in its clutches, but I want you to think back on the lion that had you in his mouth, and look at you now, and give God praise for how He delivered you out of the mouth of the lion.
And he says, “Because I was delivered, the Lord will rescue me.” See, on the strength of what I have been through in my past, God has built up enough resume in me that I am confident now that the Lord will rescue me from every evil attack. That means that the things that used to worry me do not worry me like they used to. And the things that used to drive me crazy do not drive me crazy like they used to.
Because of the lion’s mouth, I have got enough faith to believe God against every evil thing that is in my future. I am going to use what I have been through in my past to prepare me for my future.
Four Words to Live By
So, I want to leave you with four words. The first word is restitution. Damascus was where Paul was called to serve restitution for his deeds. You cannot do just anything and not have any restitution. There comes a point in your life that you cannot just take and not give back. There has to be some level of restitution.
And number two, I want you to get this word: resolution. Resolution is a point where you accept God’s plan over your own life and you resolve in your own mind—this is it. It takes about 30 minutes to have a wedding, but it takes a long time to be married. You can be married and still be looking through a window at your own life. It takes a while for you to say, this is it, I am all in.
I am not just testing it out. I am not just leaving an out clause. I am not keeping a fire escape open. Resolution means that you have now accepted the course God has for your life. Resolution means I am not envious of you. Resolution means that I am not comparing myself to you. I do not have to measure up to you. Resolution is, I am good with who I am. I am good with the gifts I bring to the table.
Being Good with What God Gave You
I am not intimidated by you. I have resolved that my gift is just as effective as yours. I know you have the shield and the sword and the shiny stuff and all I have is a rock and a rag, but I am good with the rock and the rag, and the rock and the rag brought me all the way here. When I started preaching, they said you cannot get on TV preaching like that.
When God is trying to get you to a point that you are good with what He gave you, even if it is a rag and a rock, run on out there and throw it at Goliath and watch him fall. You cannot win the fight if you do not have confidence in your equipment. I cannot go out there and fight Goliath acting like you, because I am not you.
Your shield is beautiful and shiny, and your sword looks like it could cut straight through meat, but I do not have any experience with that. I do know how to work this rock and this rag. And why are you laughing at how stupid it is? I did more with rag and rock than you did with your sword and shield, so do not try to intimidate me with what you have.
You have to come to a resolution that you are good with what God gave you. If you are short, you have to work it. Grab the mic and pull it down to where you are and let the devil have it. If you are tall, you have to stand up and work it and use what God gave you.
Do you not know when Moses came to God and said, “I cannot speak because I stammer,” God said, “Did not I make your mouth?” When are you going to be good with how God made you? Could not I have fixed your tongue if I wanted to? Resolution is whatever age you are at that you become happy to be who God made you.
Paul could not die right if he was not good with it. He says, “I have finished my course.” Not yours, Timothy. I was not asked to run Timothy’s race. I was asked to run my race. I am good with my race. I have finished my course. Resolution means I accept that.
The Power of Reciprocity
The third R I want to spend some time with is reciprocity. Reciprocity is really important. Reciprocity is sowing and reaping. It is seedtime and harvest. And every relationship—whether it is business, personal, financial, emotional, or marital—will only survive to the degree that there is reciprocity.
You have to make sure that there is reciprocity. The whole Earth survives through reciprocity. Right now my whole backyard is covered with leaves, and the leaves are going to go back down into the ground and fertilize the soil so that the soil is not depleted. So, the tree that took from the soil is now giving back to the soil, and that is reciprocity.
Never let anybody be better to you than you are to them. You might not give them back the same thing, but you have to give them back something, or it will die. Reciprocity is critical. Reciprocity is necessary. So now we have people who are better at taking than they are at giving and then they cannot figure out why the thing dies. It dies because you rode the camel to death. You wore them out.
Feed What Is Feeding You
If you do not learn anything else tonight, learn this. Do not just let people keep giving to you and say, “Oh, that is just how he is. He is just like that, he is just that kind of person. She is just nice like that,” and you will never do anything back. You are going to kill the relationship. You are obligated. It might not be the same thing you give back, but you are obligated to give something back.
The Earth gave the tree nutrients and all types of minerals in order for it to grow. The tree gave back leaves, but it gave something back. And I want to ask you, what are you giving back? For all you take and suck up and use, you have to make sure that in every area of your life there is reciprocity.
My wife and I have been married 39 years. We would not have made it 39 years. We had hills, we had mountains, we had valleys, we had disappointments, we had pains, we had shortcomings, we had failure, we had hurts, but we also had reciprocity. When I got sick, she took care of me. When she got sick, I took care of her. When she was down, I cooked. When I was down, she cooked.
Whatever it took to make it happen, I made it happen. I washed clothes, I mopped the floor, I did whatever I had to do. I shut down my schedule to let her know she is important. She will tell you right quick—when it comes to me, she will fly where I am, she will come get me if nobody else will come and get me.
Our marriage survived not because I was a good man, not because she was a good woman; our marriage survived because of reciprocity. A lot of you are losing and you do not know why you are losing. You are losing because you are not as intense about giving back as you are about getting. All roads lead to you. It is all about you, and as long as it is all about you, you are killing somebody—and generally it is somebody who loves you.
Hear me tonight. I want you to get anointed to give back to the person that gives to you. Write this down: feed what is feeding you. The whole creation survives off of it. The reason the mist goes up in the air and we get clouds and the rain comes back down again is because everything God created survives off of this principle. Feed what is feeding you.
God’s Promise of Reparations
My final number four is reparations. God said, “That is all right, Paul. You did not get it on Earth, but when you get to heaven, I am going to give you reparations. None of them stood with you down here, but when you get to heaven, I am going to give you the crown of righteousness. I am going to give you double for your trouble. I am going to pay you in retroactive pay for everything you did not get on this side.”
The God we serve believes in reparations. So, to everybody whose account is out of balance and you are worn out and you are tired and you give more than you get back, God said, “Do not worry about it. If they do not pay you, I will. If they do not bless you, I will. If they do not appreciate you, I will. If they do not restore you, I will.”
As I close tonight, I have said some strong things to you tonight. I pray that you will use this to be a better person, a better deacon, a better leader, a better husband, a better wife, a better businessperson, a better community person. I pray that the yoke of selfishness would break off of your neck and that you would stand by the people who stand by you.