TD Jakes - I Didn't Know I Was Me
The wheat is being beat down to fruit, all the chaff is being beat away so that the wheat falls to the ground, and whenever God puts you in an uncomfortable situation he's sifting you. What matters, what doesn't matter, what's real, what's not real, what counts, what doesn't count, who I can have, who I can live without. Where my real people at? Holler at your boy. You go through these periods where you get stuck in this wine press and he starts shaking away stuff that you thought you had to have.
And here comes a call, a high calling, a divine calling, a supernatural calling that has classified information about me that I don't have on myself, and the angel is speaking out of his knowledge of how I was designed and I'm living out of my knowledge of what I grew up around. And I have to decide, in this struggle, which one of these entities is gonna win this fight, what I grew up around or what I was created to be, because one of them are going to determine what the trajectory of my future looks like. Who am I preaching to?
You remember with me and Jules started that window and siding company, you remember that? I got laid off at Union Carbide and then he started the window and siding company, and did me a favor hiring me to come in there, we was gonna do like daddy and we was going to build a family business. And we opened up the windows and siding company and we kept getting into trouble and ran out of money, and I ended up losing my car, and I didn't have no car because I was following his vision for my life. When I put my car up to get the business out I did it because I love my brother and I did it because I wanted us to win, I did it because I wanted us to succeed, but I also did it because I didn't know I was me. Had I known I was me, Jan, I would've stepped right over top of the window and siding company.
Gideon is in the wine press because it is possible not to know who you are, who you really are at your core, at your essence, what you were created to be; what your potentials are, what you can reach, what you can become, what you can withstand, what you can endure; how tough you really are, how strong you really are, how tenacious you really are. It is possible not to know it because your feelings don't always validate your reality. You can feel like collapsing and still be fighting, you can feel like the victim and be the victor, you can feel limited and still haven't exhausted all that's inside of you.
You cannot define yourself by how you feel, your feelings cannot be trusted, your feelings will lie to you, your feelings will deceive you; your feelings will have you in the wine press, your feelings will have you down in the wine press beating up wheat. Oh my God, you cannot trust how you feel because your feelings are a conglomerate of your experiences, they are built off of your history, not your destiny; they are your response to what happened, not what's about to happen. Your praise is about what's about to happen, your praise is expectation that this isn't over yet, your praise is about a happy ending on the other side of this cloud, your praise.
I'm not praising God 'cause I'm emotional, I'm not praising God because I'm religious, I'm not praising God because I'm black, I'm praising God because I have an expectation, that I may be down here right now but it ain't over devil. I said it ain't over. Give me 30 seconds of crazy praise. Yes, yes, yes. Yes! Good God Almighty. I'm feeling the power of God in this room. Somebody shout yes! Shout yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yah-yah-yah-yah-yah-yeah, yeah-yah-yah-yah-yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna tear down some stinking thinking, I'm gonna get rid of some limitations that have been imposed upon you, that are limiting you from achieving what you were put on this earth to do. I rebuke every lying spirit that ever spoke up in your head that is contrary to your purpose.
Everybody who's tracking me, everybody who's tracking this word this morning, touch your neighbor and say I think there's something else inside of me. I think there's something else inside of me, I think there's something else inside of me, I think. I think there's something else inside of me, I think, I think I've got something. I don't know what to call it yet, I don't understand it yet but I, I think I got something, I think there's something else inside of me. I know I act a fool but I think there's something inside of me, I know I've been strung out on drugs but I think there's something else inside of me, I know I've been living with this man but I think there's something else inside of me.
Open your mouth and shout unto God. I don't think I'm going to die today 'cause I think there might be something else inside of me, I don't think I'm gonna give up right now 'cause I think there's something else inside of me, I don't think I'm gonna quit just 'cause I think there's something else inside of me. I may be going through a bad season, I may have to cry myself to sleep, I may have to rock my pillow until I go to bed at night, I may have to go to work in a raggedy car but I think there's something else inside of me. I might be in a bankruptcy but I think, I think, I think.
Sit down with me for a minute, sit down with me, can I go a little bit deeper? I feel something about to break in this place, I feel like something is about to break wide open in this place, I'm not gonna stop 'til I get it. I'm not gonna stop, I'm not gonna stop 'til I get it, I'm not gonna stop. The moment the angel tells Gideon he's a warrior he throws him into conflict. How can this be? My tribe is Manasseh, it's the smallest tribe, I'm the youngest person, how can this be? We're at war with Amalekites and the Midianites and they're winning, how can, how can I be a mighty warrior? I'm at the lowest point and I'm the youngest person in the smallest tribe in the worst situation and God comes and says something absolutely retarded like, "You are a mighty man of valor".
That's what it's like coming to this church sometime, 'cause everything all week long says give up and die, and then you come here on Sunday morning and I'm telling you, you are the head and not the tail, you are above and not beneath, you are more than a conqueror, you can do all things through Christ which strengthens you. God didn't bring you this far to leave you, God didn't take you through everything you've been through for you to get here and die in the wine press. I came to tell you something.
Gideon dropped his wheat, Gideon dropped his wheat because somebody called him a warrior and it made him know that he was more than what he was doing. And after wrestling with God and struggling with God and putting fleece before God he started living in the middle of his life, because life doesn't begin when your mama pushes you out, life begins when you find out who you are. Life begins when it hits you in the back of your head, "I'm better than this, I'm bigger than my circumstances, I got a destiny and a purpose on my life. God created me for a reason, he called me for a purpose, I am in this world to do something". Who am I preaching to in here?
And Gideon doesn't even know that he's gonna be in the book of Judges, he doesn't know that he is going to lead the army that drives out the Midianites, renders helpless the Amalekites; that he is going to take less men and kill more people with less men than we have ever seen done in the history of the Scriptures, if he can get out of this pit. And somebody in this room, you are one pit away from supernatural purpose. And the Lord told me that if I would preach this message this morning it would wake somebody up to get up out of that pit, that they would come into another understanding of who they were, that God would do something amazing in their life.
God told me, if I preach this message this morning, somebody would drop their wheat and grab their sword, and stand up on their feet again and understand who they are. Who am I preaching to this morning? You got something to do in this stage of your life that is greater than anything you have ever done in your entire life. In fact, everything in your past was getting you ready for what you're about to do in your life. If I'm preaching to you make some noise in this place, make some noise in this place. Yes! Yes, yes, yes!
God picked the smallest tribe and the youngest guy with the worst attitude to lead a mass of people, and Gideon starts out with 9.000 and then God says take them down to the brook and only choose the men who lap water like a dog. And when they got down to the brook, all of the men who drank in a fancy way were not chosen because you can't have too-cute people, not when you in a fight. You can't have somebody who gotta have on the stilettos, not when you in a fight. You can't have somebody who got French fingernails on, not when you're in a fight. He said pick out 300 men that will lap water like a dog, that will get down on their knees and start lapping, 300 men that don't have nothing to lose, don't care what they look like. This is a season that you have to surround yourself with people who know how to get down, this is a season that God is gonna take you... who am I preaching to?
So this is where we're at right now: the anointing of God is in this place, the Spirit of God is here, the glory of the Lord is in this place, the Lord has you here for a reason, there is something that God is getting ready to do in your life. There's something that God has for you that's important, and I'm telling you, not knowing is a problem, not knowing who you are is a real problem. Living your life according to what other people said about you is a real problem, living your life based on your net worth is a real problem. The message is called, "I Didn't Know I Was Me". Lord, have mercy, I feel like I'm supposed to preach this today, I feel like I'm talking to somebody today, I feel like the Holy Spirit is pushing in on somebody today.
Gideon would be shocked to find out he made the Bible, Gideon was shocked to find out that he could fight. Gideon was shocked to find out, watch this, that he was the guy he'd been praying, asking God to send, he didn't know that he was the people he'd been waiting on. Let me bring it down. He didn't know that he was trying to get other people to love him because he didn't love himself. Let me bring it down to reachable goals, he didn't know that he was trying to find in other people what God has placed inside of him; he didn't know that he was asking God to send what he already was. That day in the wine press, with wheat everywhere and chaff on the ground, the angel called him something that he couldn't see but, he became what he was called.
Before God formed you in your mother's belly he knew you out of the millions of sperm cells your father shot into your mother. Before you ever read a Bible, one cell out-swam them all. The odds were against you before you got here and when you were on a cellular level you out-swam the rest, that's how you got here, that's how you started. Sometimes, when you come from eternity, in the time, you don't remember who you were before, but in services like this, where God calls you and he makes you know things about yourself that you didn't know, this message is a confirmation.
Jan, I was the last person to know I was T. D. Jakes, I didn't know that. The books were being translated into different languages, I didn't know it, I saw it but I didn't see it. The stadiums were full, people fighting outside trying to get in, I didn't know I was me; I don't like saying it because it makes you sound stupid. I was on the New York Times Bestsellers List, it still didn't add up to me that I was me. I think sometimes grace puts blinders on your eyes. I could see all of you, I couldn't see me but there was a nagging voice in my head that was correcting damaged thinking, honestly.
And I learned something as I got older, I didn't know I was me because I was afraid, winning has so much responsibility to it. Losing is easy, all you have to do to lose is just let go, nobody expects nothing from you, nobody demands anything of you; sometimes you're afraid of what God has next for you. And I'm being transparent because I'm after something and I don't even know who it is. Most of the people who wrote about me had never met me and they wrote about a person that I didn't even understand, they wrote about how they would feel if they were me. I didn't feel like that, 'cause I didn't know I was me.
I'm telling you, I was playing the piano for people, loading their cars with bags and driving them around, I didn't know I was me. That doesn't mean that it should've happen any sooner because I think it is the menial things that develop you, I think it is the blind spots that give you focus. I'm trying to rush the process, I'm just trying to describe a place you might be right now. All I knew is that whenever I got around something that had my destiny in it I was drawn to it, I was attracted to it and I would do anything to be in the room with it, and I admired it but I didn't think I'd ever be it 'cause I didn't know I was me.