TD Jakes - Fight Back for the Family
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It was hard, it was hard for a mighty man of valor to come face to face with something he doesn't do well. Because it is hard for men to accept areas of failure. We gravitate to areas of success. We love to do whatever we do well and ignore whatever we don't do well. And when David came over the hill, this wasn't like the lion, it wasn't like the bear, and it wasn't like Goliath, and it wasn't like the hundred men that he had killed and cut off their foreskin, this time David got gotten.
And there he was, he went from division to number two. He went to being defeated, and he was defeated because they were divided. And you will be defeated if your house is divided. Not just the man, the woman, too. You can brag all you want to about being able to bring in the bacon and fry it up in the pan, but I wanna tell you something, woman, going out there and getting the bacon, and coming home and cooking the bacon, and carrying the carton out in the trash, and setting the trash out every morning by yourself, and playing man and woman might be fun when you're 20, it might be. It might be fun when you're 20, but as life passed and seasons roll, you're gonna get tired of playing the Hulk, and it is easier, two are better than one, that's what the Bible said. "Woe unto the one that falleth alone, because you have not another to pick him up".
Alone is not that good. It is so bad that it's been proven that old folks live longer, if they don't have a companion, if you give 'em a cat. Some old women stay alive to feed a cat, so don't glorify being alone, it's not that good. Anytime you're so desperate for company that you'll stay alive for a cat, it has boiled down to a low gravy. And then went from division to defeat, and they were being defeated, and they were defeated. And when people get defeated, they panic, and they walked in, and all of the men rend their garments when they saw their women were gone. Abigail was gone, Ahinoam was gone, the Jezreelite that he'd married was gone and destroyed, and everything had gone up in smoke, and all of the men had lost all of their children, and all of their wives, and they were all distraught, and they started screaming in grief because these were mighty men of valor.
They weren't used to being whipped, and to a man that's a winner, it's hard to lose. Are there any winners in here? A winning mighty man of valor, losing makes you sick. It makes you sick. The cold taste of bile coming up in your mouth at two or three o'clock in the morning is your masculine secret. While she's asleep, you wake up at three o'clock in the morning and wonder do you still have what it takes, because that last one took so much out of you that you're smiling, but your joy is gone, and the gleam has gone out of your eye, and you're screaming, though your lips don't open. And the worst part of the masculine scream is that the feminine ear cannot hear our frequency.
And as I begin my tour to travel around the country and minister to men, I am in a dilemma and I've not resolved it yet. I don't know whether to call the men a room by themselves, because I find that men open up better when they're by themselves than they are with their women, but I'm torn between two ideas, because if we deal with everything alone, the women will never understand what it's like to be us. And I think there are some women who really could benefit from knowing what it is like to be a man. You've got all kinds of women's magazines, and women's talk shows, and women's outreach, and women's ministry, but when it comes to men, there's nobody talking to men. Oh, yeah, we've got a few magazines about biceps, triceps, and how to get Viagra at a cheaper price, but when it comes down to really dealing with what's going on in your heart, there is nobody talking to men.
And there he was, he was defeated, and he rend his garment, and all of a sudden, those people who were with him started talking about killing him. His own men turned against him. I'm wondering if there's any men who knows what it's like to get in that point in life where you don't have anybody to talk to, and you're not sure who you can trust, and you don't know who to call, because whoever you call, this one is complaining 'cause you wasn't this, that one is complaining 'cause you wasn't that, and this one is blaming you for this over there.
I'm wondering if there's anybody in here who knows what it's like to have a problem and nobody to talk to. I'm wondering if there's anybody in here who's had good news and didn't have anybody to share it with. Has there ever had anything good happened to you, and you pick up the phone to call somebody, and then you thought, "No, I'm not sure if she's glad. Let me call... no, no, 'cause that might start a fight". Have you ever gone through anything where you needed to talk to somebody and there was nobody there who didn't expect you to keep on performing and keep on dancing like Mama's little dancing bear? But David was tired of dancing. Oh, he danced on the hills when he was young, but David had lost his dance. And down in his soul, he was tired and embarrassed about being tired.
And he'd gone from division to defeat. And then number three hit him, number three, the final nail in the coffin, discouragement. He was discouraged. Now, discouragement is what brings a mighty man to acting like a weak man. Now he begins to whimper. He's fallen and he can't get up. And he is discouraged, and he can't tell anybody that he's discouraged. And he's at the end of his rope, and he can't tell anybody that he's at the end of his rope. Am I boring you all? And he's dealing with all kinds of pressure and all kinds of issues, and there he is, discouraged. Discouraged means you've lost your courage. It means I had it, but I lost it. It means that it leaped out of me. It means that I am tired of encouraging everybody and telling everybody that everything is gonna be okay. It means that I'm tired of being there for you, and it means that I'm tired of you collapsing on me. It means that today I wanna collapse on you.
Discouraged means your courage ran out on you before your fight was over. Discouraged means you're careful about things that you used to be reckless about, because when you were young, you thought you were invincible, but now you know you can be had. Invincibility is a luxury of the young. When you live long enough and you find out you can be had, it makes you careful. Oh, you ain't gotta say nothing to me, I know I'm right about it. And there he was, discouraged, and here, ladies, is where bitterness breaks out in the heart of men. Because a man can be discouraged and never tell you. He can be discouraged and still come home every night. He can be discouraged and say, "What's for dinner?, and, "Don't worry, I've got that handled," and, "I'm going back to work," and he can get up out of the bed every day, and move about his chores, and be secretly discouraged.
And I hate to be this brutal, and this honest, and this transparent, but ladies, he can have sex and be discouraged. In fact, he can have it and be unhappy, and he can have it and be miserable, and he can have it and be at the end of his rope, and he can have it and send you flowers for your anniversary and still want to leave. Because somebody's got to tell you, because when you get the flowers, you think it's a sign that... oh, y'all don't want me to talk to you. But doing what is expected of you is something you can train a seal to do.
You can train a monkey to jump through a rope. You can train an elephant to stand on one leg, but just because he stands on one leg doesn't mean that the elephant is happy, or the monkey is fulfilled. And David, King David, anointed David, gifted David, powerful David, roaring David was discouraged, and he balled up in a knot. "I don't think I can get out of this". Have you ever had anything bring you to the point that you wasn't sure if you could get out of this? Somehow, it's not the one thing but it's everything. It's everything you went through all the years before. And to find out that the things are never gonna stop coming at you that finally brings you to the point that you say, "You know what? I'm not sure I wanna get up out of the bed in the morning if all I gotta face is another fight".
And what he does, he sits in a corner and drops his head, and nobody sees it drop because they're all distracted. Her and the kids gotta be at the rehearsal at five o'clock. The band practice ends at 12:15. You gotta take the kids down to go to, they're all distracted, he's discouraged, they never even know it, and I've seen some men sit in the chair of discouragement for 30 years and turn into old men, if we don't die to get out of it, that's why we die 10 to 15 years earlier than you. Men often die just to get out of what they cannot conquer. Die, die, and those that don't die, they sit in the house.
You remember Big Mama's house with the old man over the corner with the glassy look in his eye? And all the women are laughing and talking in the kitchen, and Papa's gotta have some food, and they bring Papa some food, and Papa's sitting in the corner like this. And all the women, they've gotten bigger, and they've gotten broader, but they're still moving, and they're still laughing, and they're still cooking, and they're still talking, and Papa's sitting over in the corner drooling on himself. That's where we're headed, men, if we sit in the seat of discouragement.
And if you don't end up there, you'll end up in that other chair, you know, that angry chair, that bitter, resentful chair where you feel like everybody used you, and nobody was there for you, and you've become venomous, and nasty, and hateful, and you've become abusive because you're angry. You know the old men in the nursing home that curse out all the nurses? That's how they get there. They're just old enough and cantankerous enough to finally tell you what they were thinking when you were asking them, "What are you thinking about"? Now he's old, now he's ready to tell you, "You know what I think"?
Here's the problem, guys, we want women to do for us what they did when we were little. When we were little, you were the ones who encouraged us. "I don't care what they told you down at that school, you still Mama's little man. You Mama's little man. You stand up, stand up, stand up. Stand up, you Mama's little man. You know you can do it. You know you can do it, 'cause you know what, Mama believes in you, and you don't even pay them people no mind down at that school, 'cause I put good stuff in you, and when you go back to school tomorrow, you hold your head up and your back straight, 'cause Mama got your back".
What we can't figure out is why you stopped encouraging us. And we died on the battlefield fighting, and everything we did was for you. It was for you. I know we didn't give you us. I know we should have given you us. We gave you things, but the things were for you. The house was for you. The dishwasher was for you. The car, it was for you, baby. It was for you. It was all for you. And we took the bruises for you, and we took the pain for you, and we took the beating for you, because we thought you were worth it. And we took all of it just so that you could come home and run us some water and say, "You Mama's man. Come on, Papi, come on, Papi, come on to Mama". Ooh, you all look like you in the dentist's office today. Getting a good old root canal, ain't you? It's gonna be good for you when I get through. It's gonna be good for you. But the great thing about the text, the amazing thing about the text, fellas, if you don't get anything else out of this message, you gotta get this part right here.
The key to the whole text is in this one phrase. It says, "And David encouraged himself in the Lord". This is the key, "David encouraged himself in the Lord". For all of you who have nobody to cheer when you come home, and nobody dances when you come in the door, for all of the men who fought their self through traffic, and through work, and through abuse, and racism, and discrimination, and all the other ations, and then when through road rage and everything to finally get home to somebody who was so distracted they never even heard you come in the house, and you are angry and frustrated, because when nobody claps for a man, he doesn't even wanna come home, but to all of you who find yourselves in this situation, the book said, "David encouraged himself in the Lord". Do you wanna have the real truth? You can't depend on anybody to give you what you need when you need it. Don't nobody know what you need like you do. If you need something, you got to get it yourself. You've got to learn how to encourage yourself in the Lord. I wish I had some men that knew how to breakout in a Holy Ghost praise. I wish I had some sisters who knew how to praise.
See, women are more in touch with their feelings. They don't mind opening up, they don't mind praising God, but let me tell you something, fellas, when you get through going through hell and high water, you'll stop sitting around here with your legs crossed, looking all macho, and all important with your bad breath, and you'll learn how to get on the altar and start calling on the name of the Lord, and say, "Lord, if you don't help me, I can't go through this. You are my strength. You are my shelter. You are my defense. I need you more today than I ever needed you in my life". Hellhounds are barking, storms are raging, lighting is flashing, I've got to be a worshiper. I've got to praise you. If I don't praise you, I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown. If I don't praise you, I'm gonna lose complete control. If I don't praise you, I'm gonna take out the trash and never come back". "I will bless the Lord at all times".
Touch three people and tell 'em, "I've got to praise him this morning". I'm going through too much, I got to praise him. If I don't praise him, the rocks will cry out. If I don't praise him, the rocks will cry out if I don't. Touch three people and tell 'em, "Real men praise God". Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, real men praise God. They praise him, they praise him, they praise him, 'cause they gotta praise him. 'Cause they gotta have some relief, and they gotta have some help, and they gotta have some strength, and they gotta have some deliverance. You better learn how to praise him. You might not of grew up in a church that praised him, but you better learn how to praise him. If you don't praise him, you will have a nervous breakdown.
Touch somebody and say, "I got to praise him". Let me praise him. Loose me and let me go. I need a breakthrough. I need a deliverance. I got to praise him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I feel a breakthrough about to hit this house this morning. God said he wants his sons back. He wants his sons delivered. He wants his sons set free. 'Cause if the man can get loose, the woman will be loose. I said, if the man can get loose, the woman will be loose, shout, "Yes"!
And so, David said to God, he said, "I don't know whether my life is over, I don't know whether I'm gonna come out of this or not," he said, "I don't even know whether I got another fight in me, and I don't even know whether I need to go and get some Amalekites or not," and God looked back and him, and in essence He said two words: "Fight back". Somebody holler, "Fight back". So, I got a message for every man who wants to quit, and every woman, too. For every man who's at his wit's end, and every woman, too. For every man who's tired in the middle of the battle, and for every one of you who's wondering, "Do I have what it takes for this season in my life"?
God gave me a message for you today. When you get up out of the bed in the morning and you're driving down the road to work, fight back. When you go through hell and high water on the job, and the enemy tells you it's all for nothing, fight back. When you go home and run into smelling smoke and all hell is breaking loose in the house, because if you fight back, the Lord said you will recover everything that the devil tried to steal. Slap somebody and tell 'em, "I want it back". I want it back. Give me my joy. Give me my peace. Give me my power. Give me my authority. Give me my anointing. Get somebody by the hand, and look 'em in the eye, and say, "I don't know what you're gonna do, but I made up my mind, I'm not gonna take this laying down". Look at 'em and say, "Tell the devil when you see him again that I am going to fight back".