TD Jakes - Man's Purpose: Pouring Into Others
When Adam was created and Eve was taken from him, he broke the divine order because men were designed to pour into women. When he started receiving from her, if Adam had not allowed Eve to pour into him, sin would have never entered the world. Sin came into the world because Adam broke the order. We were not designed to receive from women. Your self-esteem is compromised when you have to ask your wife for lunch money. I’m not saying you have to be rich or famous; I’m saying that you must be the one who pours in, not the one who takes out. When Adam started eating from his wife’s hand, sin came in because the divine order was broken. Are you hearing what I’m saying to you?
Adam suddenly allowed the curse to come because he stopped pouring. Women, be careful about pouring too much into us. We are designed to pour into you, and you are designed to take what we pour into you, increase it, and make it better. You enhance it, you appreciate it, and you multiply it. This breaks all sociological orders of the culture we’re living in now because we are raising women to be men. You are not applauded for your femininity; you are applauded in contemporary society for how tough, rough, nasty, mean, aggressive, hateful, and possessive you are. You are climbing the corporate ladder, but we are losing our families. I know you can buy your own car; I know you can buy your own house. But until you create a need that I can pour into, I have no place in your life. So, stop coming home bragging to me about how much you don’t need me and wonder why I shy away.
Oh, you aren’t going to talk back to me this morning! The conversation has become, «Let’s prove to the men how dispensable they are,» and it is born out of pain because we have hurt you, betrayed you, lied to you, and cheated on you. You have become who you are out of pain. But understand that what is born out of pain can never be king; only Benjamin, who is born out of pain, can be. The way you cope with disorder insists on extracting the better from me rather than replacing me. Oh, Lord, I told you they wouldn’t like this! Jesus, let’s go from the scriptures to anatomy. Anatomically, men pour in; life begins when men pour in. We were designed to pour in, and you were designed to preserve what is poured in.
As it is in the physical, so it is in the spiritual. We are designed to pour in. My wife’s brother got really sick the other day, and we were out of the country. I knew she was upset because I understand her, and I can read her signs. It’s not that she falls apart; she has little smoke signals that go up, saying «SOS.» If you don’t learn how to read the signals of the person you’re married to, you can’t stay with them. The Bible says to dwell with a woman according to knowledge. The better you understand her, the better your chances are of being able to be with her.
So, I knew she was upset; I came where she was, sat down on the bed beside her, and started praying for her and for her brother because men pour in. They’re not indifferent, they’re not deaf, they’re not tone-deaf, and they’re not emotionally detached. I could have kept doing what I was doing, but I understood, as a man and a priest of my home, I didn’t pray for her because she can’t pray for herself. She often prays for me. But my ability to step in as the priest of my house and be concerned about what she is worried about and care about what she cares about is what helps me to be a man who pours in. Pouring in is not just about money. You’re not just a father because you send a check.
Let me clarify two things; I’m getting ahead of myself. First, there is a difference between being a good husband and being a good father. It is possible to be better at one than at the other. It is also possible to be a better mother than a wife. That’s why mothers often ally with their children, as she may be better at being a mother than a wife. The children become her tribe, her support system. The moment she feels shaky concerning him, she gathers her troops.
Talk to me, ladies! Sometimes she gathers him because she knows he cares more about them than he does about her, and it is a way to give him pain so he can feel what she’s feeling. In other words, your gathering of your troops is not only to strengthen you; it is revenge. Since you took away what I love, I’m going to take away what you love. The only problem is that while you’re seeking revenge, you’re hurting your kids. So, you’ve got the child support, but you didn’t get actual support.
The court can make a man pay child support, but they can’t make him give child support because child support is not a check; it’s attention. Come on, fathers! Jesus does not discuss how the father made him rich or famous; he talks about how the father loved him. When you deprive a child of the father’s love, or when the father does not know how to give love to the child outside of the woman, the child is damaged. Are you hearing what I’m saying?
Let me get some water for a minute. Wait, I came to this glass to get some water, but it was empty. No matter how thirsty I am, it has no water. I can’t get any water poured into me because it had no water poured into it. It is hard to pour into people what was not poured into you. I have this big pitcher here; it looks good, it’s nice, it’s fancy, it’s cute, it’s fine, it’s wonderful, and honestly, it’s expensive. But it’s empty. Just because you’re dressed up doesn’t mean you’re able to pour in.
Just because you have a Gucci bag doesn’t mean you’re pouring in. Just because you have a nice watch doesn’t mean you’re pouring in. You can be fine as wine and have nothing to pour in, and pretty soon we’re going to get tired of you being cute. You may be cute, but you’re empty! Men pour in. Both the glass and the pitcher are empty, and I can’t quench my thirst from an empty glass. The glass can’t give me water because the thing that was designed to pour into it was also empty. Let me tell you why you’re dry: the thing that was designed to pour into you is empty. So Jesus says, «Move in real close to me, Jeremiah.» Jesus says, «As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you.» I can’t pour into you until something has been poured into you.