TD Jakes - Emotions Pass; Decisions Linger
I am honored that I am arrayed with a wonderful consortium of emotions. It makes me who I am; it gives me personality. It makes me human. It’s a wonderful thing that I can laugh, cry, and possess an array of emotions that God has decorated my soul with. Feelings are wonderful to have, but until the feelings have you, there is nothing worse than being led by someone who has been controlled by moods. I have to get a grip on my feelings as a leader. I can manage the facts, but I cannot allow my feelings to abort my mission, alter my plan, or change the way I conduct myself, lest I become practically schizophrenic to deal with. You see, when you’re in a position of power, if you’re volatile, everybody who enters your atmosphere has to suffer the consequences of your indecisiveness, your aggravations, your mood swings, and your attitudes. Eventually, people wear you out because they’re wearing themselves out, and you get caught in their orbit.
Note to self: watch out for dramatic people. When you marry someone with a lot of drama going on, you become caught up in the orbit of their chaos. Whether you want to or not, you become a victim, a captive chained to their drama. You may even feel scared to go into your own house. I know y’all can’t lie because you’re sitting beside somebody. Just keep looking right ahead and wiggle your toes. People who lead from their emotions are volatile and hard to follow. They are hard to follow because you don’t know from day to day how they’re going to feel.
I really try not to make emotional decisions. I have emotions, but I avoid emotional decisions. I’ve learned the way, and Beverly knows to wait. Sometimes I get mad, and I’ll fire off a letter. She’ll type it up, and then I’ll call her five hours later and ask if she sent it yet. She says no; she thought she’d give me a day because I can flip out right off the cuff. So, we have a 24-hour moratorium on my letters because if I’m hot, I will let you have it. Beverly holds it for 24 hours until I come to my senses because in the heat of my emotions, as my mother would say, I can’t cut off my nose to spite my face. Did your mama say that too? Everyone’s mama said that. Wave your hand if your mama said it. I thought my mama created that phrase! My mama acted like she invented that saying: «Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face.»
Have you ever cut off your nose to spite your face? Emotions pass, but decisions linger, and often in emotional moments we do things we have to live with later. If I allow my ever-fluctuating feelings to lead my decisions, they will drive me over a cliff. I wouldn’t have made it 25 years at this church or 45 years in ministry or almost 40 years in marriage if I allowed my feelings to control my decisions. I would have wrecked everything, lost everything. In the heat of a feeling, the emotion might be provoked by something that doesn’t even relate to you. It’s not your fault that the toast burned in the toaster, but if you happen to call while it’s burning, I might not be ready for you.
The cliff I’m talking about, going over the edge, isn’t literally driving your car off a cliff; it’s that self-sabotaging behavior. It’s the kind of thing that Hagar did when she got mad and ran out of Sarah’s house. She ended up in the wilderness and almost died. God told her, «I provided for you in that house; go back to Sarah’s house.» That’s right! Hagar didn’t have any reason to be mad; she was the one who initiated the conflict. Read the story—she picked the fight and then got mad and left. But it’s hard to see ourselves, am I right about it? Right now, we’re shooting a film in Canada, the «Seven Deadly Sins.» We’re working on the last five installments of the anthology in Canada—a shameless plug. It’s easy to make the kinds of decisions and the kinds of moves that debilitate people. The reason I love to do films is that when you see them on TV, it’s easy to identify what’s wrong with other people because you can’t see it in yourself.
If I don’t feel worthy, neither moral support nor mighty sermons will enable me to get up until I permit myself to move forward. Wait a minute—if I don’t feel worthy for whatever reason, it doesn’t matter what somebody preaches. It doesn’t matter who supports me. Have you ever tried to support someone who has made up their mind not to get up? It’s frustrating, isn’t it? It drives you crazy because you say all the right things: «I know you can do this! You have the power to do this! You’re created to do this! You’re so gifted! You’re so smart! You’re so bright!» All the while you’re trying to fill them up, but it leaks out the bottom of them. It’s impossible to support someone who has decided, «I’m not worthy.» There’s no sign on their head that says, «I’m not worthy.» There’s no warning; it’s just there. They may not even know that they are self-sabotaging themselves. They’ll shout over things they will never possess because they have never given themselves permission to feel worthy of being where they are.