TD Jakes - How to Handle Shame
I said there is not a person under the sound of my voice who does not have something in their life that they would not want to read about on the front page of a paper. Immediately, people responded to that. I’m going to say it again: there’s not a person listening to me right now who does not have something somewhere in their life that would make them uncomfortable to have it read on the front page of the paper. And yet, somehow, when we get somebody else’s dirt, we go absolutely bananas. We attack them, we laugh at them, we join in; we just judge them, and the people who are talking about them are also guilty themselves.
What I love about God’s Word is the fact that God is open when He reveals to us in moments like this that the men He used were simply that—they were men. This is a very shameful moment in the life of a great man. Now, greatness and shame don’t seem like they go together, but they do. You can be great in one area and still have shame in another.
Come on, talk to me, somebody! This is Peter—the guy that Jesus said was the rock. He’s let himself down; he’s disappointed himself, disappointed the other disciples, and disappointed Jesus. He’s denied that he even knows Him, and he has to live with that. This text comes to ensure that we do not deify humanity because when we deify humanity, we exempt ourselves from the possibility of being used. Oh, you don’t understand how profound what I just said was! These men, the apostles, would become the foundation of the church itself. It would be through them that the world would be evangelized.
Once filled with the Holy Spirit, they would be the ones who cast out devils; their mere shadows would fall on men, and they would be healed. They would do the kinds of things that would make them look like gods, but they were still men. They would move in power; they would subdue nations; they would upset cities; they would shake prisons; they would start churches; they would open ministries; they would do amazing things. But the Bible is careful to give us moments of humanity to balance the opulence of the anointing so that you can make a distinction between the treasure and the vessel. The Bible says that we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency may be of God and not of us.
So just because the vessel is human, it doesn’t mean that the treasure isn’t good. Do you hear what I’m saying? While their ministries were fabulous, these small glimpses into their lives would show the complexity of what it means to be human. To be human is to be complex. These were handpicked by Christ, but they were still men. Somebody else could have picked him, and you might say it was a bad choice. But Jesus Himself picked this dude. Jesus chose him, handpicked him, called him, «Take up your cross and follow me,» and yet when the heat got hot enough, he warmed himself by the fire of the people he used to fight. He switched uniforms at the moment that Jesus needed him most. He felt Jesus didn’t need a boat ride; He didn’t need a fish sandwich; He didn’t need a tour—but no, Jesus needed His disciples to be loyal.
At that moment, the complexity of his humanity kicked in. He was scared. Human capabilities allow us to love, speak wisdom at one moment, stare down danger in another moment, and still have moments of fear. You cannot judge him in the isolation of this one moment. He would ultimately experience martyrdom and give his life for Jesus, but at this particular moment, he runs like a little girl. He lies through his teeth, and he is filled with shame. The Bible generously allows us to consider both their assets and their liabilities in how we view the men in the Bible—this David, a mighty man of valor, a giant-killing David, but also a lust-driven David who ends up sleeping with Bathsheba and killing Uriah and yet becomes the king of Israel.
Come on, somebody! There’s Jonah, who could preach with so much power that even cows repented. He preached with such anointing that the livestock repented. The king repented; everybody turned to God because of him. And yet, he was a bigot. He ran from God and ended up being swallowed by a fish, and when God saved Nineveh, the one who preached to him was mad at God. And you tell me people aren’t complicated? People are complicated. At one moment, they say, «Hosanna,» and the next moment, they say, «Crucify Him.»
Sometimes it’s hard to tell your friends from your enemies because sometimes your friends act like your enemies and your enemies act like your friends. It is hard to tell who Peter is because of the shame that surrounds this moment—the shame that is on this moment. And you have not lived until you have felt shame. It’s not like a pain where you can take a pill for it; it’s not like an ache where you can get a prescription for it; it’s not something you can go to the doctor and eradicate. Shame is personal. You can put makeup over it; you can put hair over it; you can shave and get your beard trimmed, and you can look good on the outside, but nobody will know that behind it all, the reason you didn’t do more, go further, or climb higher is because there was shame.
We live in a culture and society today where people are afraid to run for office because if there’s anything you ever did, or sort of did, or smiled at somebody, or hugged somebody, you could lose your position. Who wants to run for an office just to be shamed and humiliated in public? Even though you may be smart and gifted, you could have been king. It is becoming less and less popular to be powerful because people are looking for heroes that are bigger than them. They want you to be what they can’t be; they want you to be Jesus.
When you take a position, or you take a role, or you take a job, or you raise a family, there’s always somebody who’s got you on their hit list, ready to dig up something on you to say, «Oh, he’s not such a big deal,» «she’s not all that great,» «they’re not this,» «they’re not that.» And it’s one thing when it’s a lie, but it’s another thing when it’s true. Peter was warming himself; you can rebuke a lie; you can stare a lie down. It almost doesn’t bother me when they lie about me because when they lie about me, I’ve got a quick comeback for you: «The truth shall set you free, I’m good.»
But what about when what they’re saying about you is true? Is warming himself by the fire of the men he used to fight not a contradiction? You must understand that people are full of contradictions and complexities. And what we do with people is once we discover that there’s a complexity or contradiction, we throw them away. You generally never hear about the people that used to be up who got thrown down. You don’t even hear of them anymore. Forget their position; we don’t even treat them like they’re human anymore; they disappear.
And the young people say, «Keep it 100.» Keeping it at 100 will get you killed; keeping it at 100 will take your job; keeping it at 100 will destroy your life. You better keep it 100 with Jesus. If you’ve got somebody you can give 55 to, you’re doing really well, but at 45, you’ve got to say, «I must tell Jesus; I must tell Jesus how can I bear these burdens alone? I must tell Jesus; I must tell Jesus: Jesus can help me, Jesus alone.»
There are some things that you must tell Jesus because only Jesus has the ability to weigh the assets against the liabilities and not to judge you through one slice, one moment, one period, or one stage of your life. And it’s not just the judgment of the masses; it’s not just the judgment of the crowd; it is also the judgment of yourself. Shame equals a negative self-judgment and viewing yourself as worthless. Shame stops you from going after your dreams; shame stops you from living your life to the fullest. It makes you punish yourself.
It’s not just that you say to repent is to say, «What I did was wrong, and I’m sorry,» but shame goes beyond repentance. It says, «Because of what I did, I am worthless.» The truth of the matter is behind all our clapping, skipping, and jumping, there’s not a person in this room that doesn’t, from time to time, wrestle with shame. It’s easy to talk about this when you talk about dead people. Dead people, we can forgive their shame; we don’t have any trouble with David, Peter, Nehemiah, and all those people because they did what they did. But when they are living, they are destroyed. Sometimes self-punishment is the worst sentence any judge could execute on you. The way you see yourself—that’s shame.