TD Jakes - Imposter Syndrome
Imposter syndrome comes with its own weight, comes with its own pressure. It's said in any given situation we can all act in a way that is harmful to ourselves, and some people respond this way more often than others. Some people get stuck in imposter syndrome, and the weight of being an imposter pushes them down. Not always negativity. Sometimes you can be successful and still have imposter syndrome. You can self-sabotage because you have imposter syndrome. You got a nice car, you got a nice house, you got a nice family, but you don't feel worthy of that, and you don't stop till you wreck it.
Talk to me, somebody. Because you feel like an imposter, because what God gave you doesn't line up with where you came from, and your body keeps reminding you of where you came from. You say, "You know you ain't that. You don't deserve that. Don't nobody... shouldn't nobody... she shouldn't love you". So, even if I love you, you will reject my love, because the love is not familiar to me because I don't love me. I won't let you love me. I don't believe that you love me. I don't know how to receive that love, because I am wrestling with imposter syndrome, okay?
It isn't just a drain on your morale, it's been shown to induce feelings of depression. Overall worse mental health can become a roadblock to career advancement. You can mess up your career advancement because you're smart enough to go where you don't feel you deserve to go, so you dumb down your creativity down to your comfort zone and walk away where you have the ability to go because you have imposter syndrome. You diminish job satisfaction, and the feeling that you have to stay in your current role because you have no other option. And you talk to yourself to being imprisoned in a situation because you have imposter syndrome. You don't feel worthy of anything else. You don't have the courage to change. You really don't think you're smart, but you're miserable where you are, and you won't go to where you're going, and you're trapped in an imposter syndrome.
We shouldn't let our mindset get us down. The problem with the.. the problem, the exasperating thing with leading our people and talking to people today is that they are controlled by how they feel. I have never seen so many people whose response to everything is how they feel about it. You cannot trust your feelings. Your feelings are schizophrenic. They will be everywhere. And instead of responding to facts, you respond to feelings as if your feelings were key. You can't let your psyche control what your body does, how your spirit feels, because your psyche is getting too many voices, coming from too many different places simultaneously. Do you hear what I'm saying? Jacob fights within himself.
As I step into the text, Jacob has tricked Esau out of his birthright. He has tricked Esau out of his birthright. He has sold it for a pot of soup, and he got the birthright, but he never felt right. Now you see the connection. He got the birthright, but he never felt right, because he didn't really get it right. He tricked himself into getting the birthright, and so even though he has the blessing that comes along with the birthright, he doesn't really feel right, and he can't enjoy right, because he feels like an imposter in the opportunity because he feigned himself to be something that he wasn't to get something that wasn't his, and now he's got the blessing, but he can't handle what he got.
You got what you wanted, but you don't want what you got. After tricking and scheming, yeah, you got the man, but now you don't want the man you got. Yeah, you got my job, but now you can't handle the job that you got. Yeah, you took the church, but now you can't handle the church that you got because you tricked and scammed and sabotaged and killed and destroyed other people to get where you were trying to go. And now you're in a situation where Jacob has got what he wanted, but he doesn't want what he's got, because in the back of his mind he wonders, "Am I an imposter"?
So, now the text that I read really has little to do with what I wanna preach. It is the meat. I wanna spend all my time on the bread. Everybody else talks about what happened to Jacob on the mountaintop, wrestling with God. I wanna show you why he's wrestling with God. He is wrestling with God because if you read the previous verses, he is about to meet up with Esau. After years of being away from his brother who he has tricked the birthright from, now he is concerned because sooner or later you're gonna have to confront what you did. You can't get away from it. You can't get away from it. Sooner or later you're gonna have to come face to face with who you beguiled, who you tricked, who you confronted. It's only a matter of time before you gotta deal with it.
And Jacob is walking in blessings, he's walking in blessing. If you read the previous verses, he's walking in blessing. He has two wives, he has two families, he has sheep, he has oxen, he has cattle, he has abundance, he has everything you could ever want, because he has the birthright, but he don't feel right. Is there somebody in here that's got the birthright, but you don't feel right. Anybody else would love to be in your shoes, they would love to have your position, they would love to have what you evil about, but you got it, but can't enjoy it because you have imposter syndrome. We have to spend all day trying to reinforce your self esteem and confidence because you don't feel worthy of where God placed you.
You got the sheep, you got the oxen, you got the cattle, you got the kids, you got the wives, you got everything, and you're still not happy. No matter how high we exalt you, you're still not happy. You think that if you reach a certain place it's gonna make you happy. I came to tell you I don't care how high you go, it's not gonna make you happy, because your miserableness is not coming from the outside, it's coming from the inside. I know you can't shout because you sitting right next to somebody that's going through that, but wiggle your toe, blink your nose, flash your eyes, because you have met people like I have met people who complain about everything, not happy about anything, because deep down inside you scammed your way to get where you are, and now you're there, but you don't feel authentic.
And they tell him Esau is coming, Esau is coming, Esau is coming, and he does not want to see Esau, because he tricked Esau and he ripped Esau off and he's living in Esau's life. Wife, cattle, oxen, birthright, opportunity, and he has this feeling of imposter syndrome because he knows he is complicit in ripping Esau off of what he thinks, what he thinks, what he thinks was rightfully his, so he doesn't feel worthy because of how his neural transmitters are processing what happened in his life. And the story that you tell yourself will either raise yourself or kill yourself.
And he doesn't think that he's worthy. He has not counted into it the sovereignty of God. He has not counted into it that God hated Esau and loved Jacob. He can't receive that kind of love, because he feels like an imposter. He has not counted into the fact that the steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and the Lord delighted in his way. And even when you do wrong, God will make it work out for good. He has not counted out the fact that all things work together for the good of them that love the Lord. All he knows is that Esau is coming, and he feels like an imposter in his own life.
And so, he separates his blessings, because he said, they tell him, Esau is coming with 400 men and he said, "Oh my God, they're coming to kill me. And maybe if I separate my wives and separate my blessings, maybe they won't get all of them. Maybe I'll keep half of them," because he thinks for sure he's gonna be destroyed, because he has never owned the blessing that he has received. He's got the blessing that he has received, but he hasn't owned the blessing that he has received, because he is aware of his own wretchedness and his own wickedness and his own humanity, and he can't enjoy it because he's wrestling with imposter syndrome.
And there is a battle going on. It's not in the womb this time. It's not for the birthright this time. It is a battle for his soul. It is a battle for his sleep. It is a battle for his peace. I don't know who I'm preaching to today. You have a ride, but you're not there. You got a better bed, but you can't sleep in it. You got a nice house, but you don't enjoy it. Other people are envious of your life, but you don't appreciate it because of all the things you went through along the way, because you are aware of your own wretched, "Oh, wretched man that I am, who shall deliver me from the body of this death"?
You're driving around in your big old car, but you need deliverance. You're in your big house, but you need deliverance. You got a beautiful wife, but you need deliverance because you are aware of your own wretchedness. And there Jacob is, living in fear. He's blessed, but he's living in fear. He says to himself, "I don't deserve what I got," because his sins are ever before him. Whose sins are not?
Esau coming is that showdown moment that we all have sooner or later with our own lives that determines what makes you or break you. And when you have that Esau moment, either you confront him or you die, not because he's gonna kill you. See, Jacob thought Esau was coming to kill him, and that's why he divided the troops to keep him from killing everything. But Esau wasn't killing Jacob. Jacob was killing Jacob. Help me, Holy Ghost. Help me, Holy Ghost. Help me, Holy Ghost. I need some help in here. I need some help, Lord. I need some help. I could cast out devils, but I can't cast out self.
If it was a demon after you, I could cast out the demon. But when you're after yourself, it becomes hard to cast it out because yourself doesn't wanna let go of the grip that it has over your destiny. But the devil is a liar. We dealt with demons last week. I'm gonna deal with you this week. Why are you killing you? Why are you stopping you? Why are you hurting you? Esau is coming. And like all people who wrestle with imposter syndrome, it has driven Jacob into isolation. Now I'm in my text, and Jacob was left alone with God. If you're not careful, you will end up where you don't have nobody but God.
Isolation will drive you into such seclusion, you can't talk to nobody, you can't open up to anybody, you can't communicate with anybody, and everybody who tries to get to you, you either run from them or find an excuse not to love them, because you think if they saw who you really were, they would love you because all of your life you've been a trickster, a scam, and a con. "Jacob, what is your name"? The Bible said that Jacob was left alone with God. Some of you are wondering why doors have been closed, why friends have been shut down. God's been wanting to get you by himself so he could work on your head and get yourself together.
And I want you to name this Sunday "Breakthrough Sunday," because a breakthrough is coming in your life. Oh my God, do you feel the Holy Ghost in this place? The anointing of God is here. Shake yourself and say, "I gotta get out of this". So, the Bible says... good God. So, the Bible said, so the Bible said, the Bible says, the Bible says, the Bible said, Bible says that Jacob was left alone with God, and that's where the wrestling begins. That's all he knows how to do is fight. He's been fighting in the womb. He's been fighting for the birthright. He's been fighting his own guilt. He's been fighting his own past. And even when God comes, he starts fighting God. But if you're fighting God, you can't win, because sooner or later God is gonna get the victory out of your life.
I don't know who I'm talking to tonight, but I'm talking to somebody in this room. God's got you surrounded. He's got you surrounded on the left, he's got you surrounded on the right. Everything that's been on you is about to break off of your life. Struggle all you want to, but God's gonna win this battle in your life. Somebody give him 30 seconds of crazy praise. Thirty seconds of crazy praise. He hit him in his body, but he spoke to his spirit. And he said, "What is your name"?
That ain't a head thing, that's a spiritual thing. How do you see yourself? And he said, "I am what they call me. I'm Jacob". God does not dispute what they said. He updates. "Yeah, you've been slick. Yeah, you've been wrong, but thy name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for thou art a prince, and you have prevailed," not with Esau. See, you make changing their mind the wrong goal. You have prevailed with God. And the Bible is particularly picturesque. As the darkness receded and the sun began to rise against an alabaster sky, as it peaked above the mountain peaks and began to wink through the rustling leaves, as Jacob came down off the mountain, he comes down limping on the outside, but leaping on the inside.
Have you ever been limping on the outside but leaping on the inside? Watch this. Waiting on him is Esau, who he thought was trying to kill him. Esau runs up to him and hugs him. The Lord told me to tell you whatever you've been afraid of, it's not gonna go down like you think it's gonna go down. Instead of Esau trying to kill you, he embraced him. Can you imagine how Jacob must have cried when he realized that all he's been running from is a lie? That Esau never wanted to get even. He wanted to reconcile. He comes to Esau and says, "I'm gonna give you the sheep and the cattle and the oxen". And you know what Esau told him? "I'm good, man. I didn't get what you got, but I'm good".
In other words, "You meant it for evil, but..." You know what that says to me? I said this is what that says to me. All of them years you was miserable for nothing. All of them years you felt unworthy, it was for nothing. God already had the blessing prepared for you. And it means you have not been enjoying your own life, because you think you're an imposter, and you're not. It means that you need to believe the decision of the Lord.
It means that God chose to bless you. You ain't good. No, no, you ain't good, you ain't good. You ain't good, no, you ain't good, but God is good. Jacob made Esau take the blessing that he didn't even need. Esau, who has no birthright, didn't even miss it, because God had blessed him as if he had what he didn't get. You guilty about nothing. You're worried about things you can't change. You don't know who you are. You think you are Jacob because some things went wrong, but God says you're Israel, you're a prince and don't know it. And if you don't find out now, when?
If you don't get rid of your guilt, shame, depression, dysfunction, you gonna lose everything God gave you over a rumor in your own head. The enemy doesn't want you to know who you are. He didn't want you to realize not just in your head but in your heart who you are. I'm not saying you're spotless or perfect or anything like that, but God has a destiny for you to fill. And if you stop worrying about where you've been and start focusing on where you're going, it's gonna change your entire life.