Steven Furtick - A Recipe for Resentment
I haven’t been with you for the last few weeks, and it is good to be back home. When I last saw you, I was teaching and preaching from kind of a stream of stories in the Scripture where God calls somebody in the Scripture by their name. I chose for us some Scriptures where he calls them by their name twice. I was doing that because there are significant seasons that you and I will walk through where God will want to get our attention for something he’s bringing us into.
So, today I think is going to be the funnest one of all. Now, I know we’ve disrupted the flow of the series because I had to go and minister in all kinds of wonderful places. We did minister to over 100,000 people in Jesus' name over the two weeks of our tour. But you know what? There’s nowhere I can preach that feels as good to me and as free to me as this pulpit right here at Elevation Church. Although you may not remember the flow I was in, I have been preparing this sermon the whole time I’ve been gone, so I’m excited to preach it today.
Please stand at all of our locations, if you’re seated, and we’ll stand for the reading of the Word of God. We’ll pick up in Luke, chapter 10. (Thank you so much, team. I appreciate it.) Luke, chapter 10, verses 38-42. The Bible says, «As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, 'Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me! ' 'Martha, Martha…'»
There you go. «Martha, Martha». Not just «Martha» but «Martha, Martha». «…the Lord answered, 'you are worried and upset about many things…'» Now, some of you, that’s your whole life in one Bible verse right there. «You are worried and upset about many things». If you’re not obeying any Scripture, some of you are living that one out right there. «…you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her».
Okay. I’m going to give this a title. It’s going to sound like a negative title, but we’re going to work it to a positive conclusion today. The title for this message is: A Recipe for Resentment. I didn’t think you’d like that title. A Recipe for Resentment is the title, and the subtitle is this. You can ask it as a question to your neighbor before you take your seat. Ask them, «Whose list is this»? Ask your other neighbor, «Whose list is this»?
Father, in the name of Jesus, I know your Word is powerful, but I pray now that it would penetrate our hearts. In your name I pray, Jesus, and expect and believe, amen.
You may be seated. Just for an opening illustration, I want to tell you a story I’ve never told in church, but I’ve told it to my family so many times. I just remembered it because Austin asked me to tell this story on tour. It happened when me and his dad, our executive pastor of Elevation Church, the great Chunks Corbett… We were traveling in Nashville, Tennessee, with another pastor. The other pastor is a very forceful personality, very tall, bald, big goatee, and very passionate. That can be a good thing, but this was one of the occasions where his passion was kind of bad.
So, I’m going to tell you a story. We walk into a restaurant. We don’t have the reservation, and there’s no hostess at the hostess stand. It’s not terribly busy in the restaurant either. So, we expect… Everybody say, «Expect». I want you to hold on to that word, because I’m going to work with that word expect. We expect that someone will come seat us. There are plenty of seats that are empty that can accommodate a party of our size. Two minutes pass. Nobody says, «Hello». Three minutes. Four minutes. And I forgot to tell you this, but my friend is also white, so I could see his face turning red. With every minute, his face got redder and redder. Five minutes in, I’m watching his bald head, and there are veins popping through his goatee on his chin all the way from his forehead.
I start backing away, because I didn’t know what was going to happen next, but I didn’t expect… Now, I’m about to yell what he yelled, so if you don’t like yelling, just cover your ears, and I’ll be done with this in five seconds. But I’ll never forget it. He stands in the middle of the restaurant in front of the hostess stand where nobody had helped us. Five minutes have passed, and it feels like five hours. He yells this at the top of his lungs: «Does anybody care that we’re here»?! Which, of course, helped nothing except that probably, in his mashed potatoes, there was some extra spit he didn’t know about by the time we were seated and eating. I never forgot him yelling that.
I was telling Austin that story, because it’s legendary now. When we’re waiting at a restaurant, we’ll just joke to each other and our family, «Does anybody…»? I don’t yell it out loud. I wouldn’t do that. But I remember him, after expecting to be seated… This was even before COVID and the shortage of staffing that swept all of the restaurants in the nation. I mean, this was prime time. He expected a seat, but he was met with a disappointment. So he yells at the top of his lungs. I won’t yell it again. I’m going to save my voice for something more meaningful in about 10 minutes. But he yells at the top of his lungs, «Does anybody care that we’re here»?
Of course, we’re all embarrassed. You know, for the rest of the meal, I’m pulling the hostess to the side when she comes. I’m like, «I’m so sorry». Hand her a $20 bill, just trying to pay down the damage to my reputation, because I don’t want to be seen with this guy. And it wasn’t even my city. «Does anybody care…»? I could watch it building in him. It’s like, «There’s a seat. I’m hungry. I’m hungry. There’s a seat». It’s just building, and finally, he blew up. «Does anybody care that we’re here»?
So, here’s the formula, and you might want to write this down. I shared that to share a recipe with you. Your expectations plus others' limitations minus grace is a recipe for resentment. Y’all ain’t talking to me today, but I am preaching like I had a whole world tour under my belt. Let me say it again. Your expectations (like I expected you to say, «Amen» when I said that last thing) plus others' limitations (which is you are not awake yet; you only had half a cup of coffee)… Your expectations plus others' limitations minus (that part is important) grace is a recipe for resentment.
Your expectations…what they need to give you, how they need to appreciate you, how they should assist you, what they should have taught you… Your expectations minus others' limitations… Maybe they didn’t teach you because nobody taught them. Maybe they didn’t call and check on you because they were battling with the flu too. Your expectations minus others' limitations, or plus others' limitations… Your expectations minus other’s limitations equals Jesus, because he’s not limited and he can do anything. In fact, let me point this out to you. When Jesus and his disciples were going to Bethany (that’s the village they were traveling to in Luke, chapter 10)… Nobody had to stand in the middle of the streets of Bethany and scream, «Does anybody care that we’re here»?
Peter didn’t have to go out and yell. The Bible says in Luke, chapter 10, verse 38, that when they went through a village… It doesn’t mention the village, but it names the woman. Her name was Martha, and she opened her home to him. Now, bring out my screen, would you? I want to do a little teaching today as I preach. Oh, you like when I bring out the screen. What’s up with that? It’s exciting. Okay. Well, since you like the screen, let me show you something on the screen today. You know, imagine this.
Jesus and his disciples are going out with the message of the gospel, and all of Luke, chapter 10, is Jesus setting expectations for his disciples before they go out to these villages, to these towns. He is preparing them for rejection that he knows they will encounter, because he doesn’t want them to be unprepared for the fact that not everybody will accept the message. One of the ways he prepares them is he gives them each a partner. He pairs them. He sends out 72 people to go ahead of him. Everywhere Jesus went, there would be a little advance team that would go ahead of him to let them know, «Jesus is coming». In fact, touch your neighbor real quick and say, «Jesus is coming». You didn’t sound excited about that. Abbey, get more excited.
If I told you, «Taylor Swift is coming,» you would jump up and stand on your chair. Tell somebody, «Jesus is coming». And he sent them out. Yeah, like that. «Jesus is coming! Does anybody care that Jesus is coming»? I know sometimes the worship leaders stand up here, and they’re leading worship, and they’re like, «Come on, let’s sing it out»! «Come on, please, sing it out! Anybody, sing it out! Does anybody care that the King is here»? It’s like, «We care. We just don’t know the song. It’s new. Okay? We care. I promise we care. It’s just too high. We can’t sing that high». There’s a feeling you can get that nobody cares. My expectations plus others' limitations minus grace is a recipe for resentment.
So, Jesus, being all-knowing and all-wise and sovereign and so good at his job of running the universe knows that as he sends his disciples out, he has to send them in pairs, two by two. He says, «When you go into the village, don’t be surprised that some people welcome you and some people don’t. If they welcome you, stay there. Whatever they put before you, eat it». This is all in Luke, chapter 10. «Whatever they give you to eat, eat it. But if they don’t welcome you, wipe your feet and walk». I don’t know who this word is for, but I just felt God on that one thing right there. Tell your neighbor, «Wipe it off and walk». So, if they didn’t want to date you, that’s all right. If they thought you weren’t the one for them, you aren’t the one for them, because if you were the one for them, God would have illuminated that fact, and you would be with them right now. Hallelujah.
Tell your neighbor, «Wipe it off and walk». «I’ve got somewhere to go. I’ve got something to carry. I’m called by someone greater than you. I can’t stay stuck just because you decided to say no. I can’t spend the rest of my life trying to prove something to somebody who can’t promote me anyway». So, if they didn’t open the door to you, walk on. Walk on. That’s the whole word for somebody. Go home. Be blessed. Walk on. Wipe your feet and walk. So, he’s preparing them. «Don’t always expect that everyone is going to accept you».
In fact, if everybody accepts you, that’s probably the most dangerous thing of all. Okay. So, in preparing them for rejection, the Bible says in Luke, chapter 10, verse 38 (and now I’m at my main passage)… If y’all think I’m going to come up here and preach a message about Martha and make her the villain of the story, you are sadly mistaken about me, because… Well, first of all, I read here… It says in the heading, «At the Home of Martha and Mary». Okay. That’s how the heading is, because Mary lived there. But the Bible says, «As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman [singular] named Martha opened her home to him».
I want to talk about all that. I want to talk about how she was busy because somebody has to pay the bills. I want to talk about all that. I want to contradict every criticism I’ve ever heard preached about this wonderful woman Martha who gave a hospitable welcome to the Savior of the world and said, «You can stay with me». I want to take a moment before we praise Mary for her untethered devotion and her unmitigated reverence for the Lord to just respect Martha, because she opened her home to him. To him. So, if you looked at a list of the bills that were paid in that home, they all had «Martha» on them.
If you looked at all the mortgage statements that were paid on time, you would see Martha paid the mortgage. Who? Say it again. Martha, Martha. Martha might not always have the best ability to prioritize the focus of presence, but she paid the bills. Okay, we’re going to make a list real quick. This kind of teaching and preaching is important so we don’t make presumptions about who are the heroes and the villains and the examples and the cautionary tales in Scripture. I’m going to make a list real quick of everything… Not everything, but just a few things that make Martha amazing. Number one… And I believe this applies to some of you in the room too.
In just a moment, I’m going to bring this so close to home that you will feel it for your own situation, but for a moment, let’s talk about Martha. Martha should be praised because she was, number one, resourceful. When they came through saying, «Jesus is coming to Bethany…» Now, Bethany is not Jerusalem. It’s two miles from Jerusalem. Bethany was not special in the context of the Scripture until Jesus did one of his greatest miracles there and blessed the disciples before his ascension there. So, he’s stopping through a place that would seem to be insignificant. Martha, hearing of it, says, «If he wants to hold a Bible study, he can meet at my house».
Let’s golf clap for Martha because she was resourceful. Just go ahead. Let’s thank God for her resourcefulness, that she realized her resource comes from the source, and she offered that to God. She was the original eGroup leader. I bet she had good snacks too. You know she had good snacks, and she had to, because… Put the verse back up there in Luke, chapter 10, verse 38, please. It says, «As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him». But check this out. When you bring Jesus into your house… The Bible says, «As Jesus and his disciples were on their way…»
So, the announcement comes through. «Jesus is coming. Jesus is coming. Anybody got a room for Jesus? Anybody got an Airbnb for Jesus»? Martha is like, «I’ll help. Sure. I’ve heard great things about this miracle worker. He could come stay with me». «And, by the way, he’s bringing a few people with him». Then you read over in Luke, chapter 6, verses 12-17. (Put that on the screen for me, please.) «One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray, and spent the night praying to God. When morning came, he called his disciples to him and chose twelve of them, whom he also designated apostles…»
Here’s the list. «Simon (whom he named Peter), his brother Andrew, James, John, Philip, Bartholomew, Matthew, Thomas, James son of Alphaeus, Simon who was called the Zealot, Judas son of James, and Judas Iscariot, who became a traitor». «Why did you read us all that»? Because I wanted you to see the full guest list that Martha was responsible for when she said «Yes» to Jesus. Saying «Yes» to Jesus is one thing. Saying «Yes» to everything that comes with Jesus is another. When Martha said «Yes» to host Jesus, she also had to host Judas.
One prophet said, «Every rose has its thorn». I want to praise Martha for a moment, because she was so resourceful. She heard the list of disciples and realized, «Okay. If I want to do this for Jesus, I’m going to have to do it for all of them,» which is a big commitment. I mean, talking about a recipe… The bigger the group gets, the harder it is to make a recipe that will stretch to feed the entire group. The only recipe I have to offer you is for ramen noodles, but when I watch Holly cook, I realize that if the size of the guest list expands, so does the need for preparation.
So, when the Bible says, «All the preparations that had to be made,» you have to understand Martha wasn’t just feeding Jesus; she was feeding every hooligan he brought with him. Every redneck fisherman he brought with him. Every tax collector he brought with him. I’m pointing this out to you for a reason. She was resourceful. Another thing we could say about her is that she was responsible. All the responsible people, make some responsible noise. Not too much. Just a responsible amount of noise. Not too loud that you might scare your neighbor or lose your voice. Just a responsible amount of noise. She was so responsible in the context of this that she knew everything that had to be done to host the one who came from heaven in her home. So, she’s resourceful.
Everybody say, «Resourceful». Talk to me today. She was resourceful. She was… And she was even respectful. You’ve got to give it to her. Right? She’s putting in all this work to feed all these people. And remember what I read you at the beginning. Her sister is doing nothing to pitch in. So, instead of doing what she probably felt like doing, she walks up to Jesus. Jesus is teaching. Okay? The Bible says Mary was sitting at Jesus' feet. They were not having a casual chat. That is a posture of discipleship. She wasn’t sitting at his feet so they could talk about, you know, «So, are you watching any shows lately»? He was teaching, and she was listening. (Give me verse 39 real quick.)
The Bible says, «She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said». What was Mary doing? Listening. Verse 40: «But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, 'Lord…'» See, she’s not disrespectful about it. She’s calling him by his title, not even by his name. She didn’t even call him «Jesus». She said, «Lord». Not «Dude,» not «Bro,» not any of this stuff I hear y’all calling each other these days. «Lord». «Lord…» She’s respectful. «…don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me»!
Now, let’s make a list for Mary. Okay? Let’s make a list for Mary. What can we say about Mary? This is what I could say about Mary. She was present. And that’s about all she was. She wasn’t cooking. She wasn’t cleaning. She wasn’t lifting. She wasn’t scrubbing. She wasn’t organizing. Come on. She wasn’t enlisting others. She was there, and that’s all we can say about her. That’s why this Scripture makes me mad, because she was just there, and Jesus is like, «Be like her. She’s here». I imagine that Martha is thinking, «Okay. She’s here, but so is Peter. So is James. So is John. So is Bartholomew. So is Judas. And he looks kind of sketchy, by the way. You might want to interview your disciple candidates a little bit more next time before you come to Bethany. I’m not even sure. I’m putting up my valuables in the house. That guy looks kind of… That guy looks kind of…»
Now watch this. Jesus says, «She’s here. She’s present». She’s present. She’s present. She’s here. «Yeah, but, Jesus, are you hungry»? «Yeah, we’re hungry. We need to eat. But she’s here». «Yeah, but, Jesus, I don’t need her here at your feet. I need her in here helping me in this kitchen…unless you want to do one of those tricks like you did that time with the fish and the loaves and start multiplying some of these Ritz crackers, Jesus. Now, if you want to do that, go ahead and do it, but if we are going to do this meal the normal way…»
Now, I don’t feel like I’m getting this across yet, so I want to get a little bit deeper into this with you. There are ways in which we can feel that the advice we’re given to get closer to God is unrealistic for real life. We don’t say that. We shout about things that people say in church, where we say, you know, «Don’t worry about tomorrow». How far do you want me to take that? Because if you’re going to be dependent on me to pay for your retirement, then I need you to worry about tomorrow a little bit. A little bit. If you’re going to put the burden on me when there is no plan, I need you to plan a little bit. I see Martha in a different light. I see her as resourceful. I see her as responsible. I see her as respectful, and all I can say for Mary is… She may be some of these things too, but all we really know about her is she’s here, and Jesus is like, «That’s good. That’s what I want».
Now let’s play it out. Mary is sitting at the feet of Jesus, singing, «Here I am to worship…» Martha keeps walking through, and Mary keeps singing. «Here I am to bow down. Here I am to say that you’re my God. Here I am to worship…» Then Martha starts singing a song that goes like this: «Help me with these dishes…» I worked hard on that line. Y’all clap for that. Yeah. My expectation was that you would laugh at that. The Bible says something. I don’t know if you caught this. It said that Martha, while she was all of these things…resourceful, responsible, respectful… She wasn’t evil. The Bible says, «But Martha was…» What? Distracted. That’s it. Not bad…distracted. Not evil…distracted. Not demon-possessed…distracted. Not… What would you call somebody who’s scatterbrained all the time? Just distracted. She doesn’t have a lack of capacity; she’s just distracted. I want to say not all distraction is bad. Not all distraction is bad.
A few years ago, we were having inclement weather at the church. This morning, it was raining hard coming to church, and for a moment, I got worried. «Oh no. What if people don’t come»? But I decided a few years ago never to worry about the weather, because it’s above my pay grade. All I can do is ask them, «Well, do you have the umbrellas ready»? As I worried about the weather for a moment, thinking, would it limit people from coming, I realized the only thing I can focus on and control today is this word I’m preaching to you. If the Enemy can get me worried about the weather and take my eyes off the Word, it will weaken what I was sent here to do because of my focus on something I can’t control.
Now we’re getting there. The Enemy is trying to weaken what you were sent to do by getting you to focus on something you can’t control. Of all the things Martha could manage…the mortgage… Of all the things Martha could manage…the menu… Of all the things Martha could manage, one of them was not Mary. There are a few things you can’t control in this world. One is weather, and the other is others. Martha was distracted. She wasn’t even distracted playing that game my family is all addicted to with the blocks on their phone. She was distracted baking, cleaning, preparing. She was distracted. But she was multitasking. Right?
And this is the illustration I want to give. Okay. I really think you’re going to remember this. This is the part of the sermon where I think when they say, «Did you go to church Sunday»? «Yeah». «Was it good»? «It was all right». «What did he preach about»? «Oh, he did this one thing where…» This is what you’re going to show them. I pictured you preaching this back to your spouse this week. Okay? So I’m going to give you something. I’m going to give you something to use as ammunition this week when the people in your life start acting kind of «Martha-ey» or when you start feeling it inside of yourself. Now, I asked Holly. I said, «Wear something to church that you wouldn’t mind being seen in on camera wearing it».
So here we go. Holly is going to be in my illustration. Come on, Holly. I know y’all love her, but she’s got to play the part of Martha for a moment, just for illustration purposes. I don’t have her play this part because I think she resembles this character. In fact, I marvel at her ability to balance things. But I was thinking about something last night. You know, Abbey had her birthday on Monday. She turned 14. Yeah, happy birthday, baby. But, of course, the party went on all week, and we were planning a party on Saturday.
So, stand up. Okay, party on Saturday. Lots of guests. Very, very cool occasion. Then, I watched Holly as she was checking her calendar about a week or two ago, and she remembered that Graham’s wrestling banquet (state champion, two-time state champion right here)… His banquet is also on Saturday. Party is at 6:00. Banquet is at 6:00. (Stand up, Graham.) So, now I watched her just become completely disappointed in herself, because she realized, «Now I’ve got a party, a birthday, a banquet, and a highly emotionally needy husband who needs extra emotional support before he preaches on Saturday night». I’m telling you, I am such a baby before I preach. I need her to do everything for me for the 12 hours before I preach. I can’t think about anything but the sermon. So, we’ve got a birthday, a banquet, and a baby.
Now, I want to illustrate this, and I’m going to take my time with it. Is it all right if I take my time with it today? Okay, okay, okay. Because I see some of you. You’re not bad; you’re distracted. You’re not wicked; you’re distracted. You keep going off on people. «Does anybody care that we’re here»?! Because you’re distracted. You’re mad because you’re distracted. Your hunger is distracting you from your true heart. The demands are distracting you from the destiny. But here is the thing about this distraction. (We’re doing this as a family today, apparently.)
In the Greek, the word for distraction is not like the English word for distraction. In English, we say distraction to mean something that comes up that we didn’t plan for. Right? Well, in the Greek, it doesn’t mean something you didn’t plan for. Often, in Scripture, something you didn’t plan for is called a miracle. So, a lot of times, you will see that someone who the disciples saw as a distraction, like a blind man by the roadside, was the reason Jesus was on the journey, because he said, «Bring him to me and let me heal him». «But, Jesus, he’s a distraction». «No, he’s not. He is the destination».
The word for distraction and the problem with distraction is not when you’re doing more than one thing at the same time. That is called adulthood. That is called maturity, when you’re juggling this and juggling that. I keep hearing people talk about, «You need to be more present. You need to be present with your family at the dinner table». Okay. Let me tell you what that means to me. I eat with them. I do not kill them. That’s my definition of present. «Yeah, but do you put the phones up»? Sometimes. Sometimes the phone is the only thing that numbs the pain of their arguing to get me through the dinner without indigestion. Y’all are so fake in this church today, acting like y’all all pray around the table and share Scripture verses over tacos.
«And then we have Worship Wednesday for our family. 'Here I am to worship.'» So, the process is this. I’m just going to lead Holly around for a moment. Okay? There are times in your life where, like Martha, you will feel so busy (I don’t know who is in this season right now), where you will feel like, «Okay, I’m doing good, I’m doing good,» and then all of a sudden, a different priority will come, and you have to change direction. Changing directions is not distraction. That’s called pivoting. Pivoting is an essential skill so you don’t get so locked into what you thought was important that you miss what was really important.
So, in order for her to be the Holly she needs to be, the mom she needs to be, the pastor she needs to be, the leader she needs to be, the daughter she needs to be, the friend she needs to be, that means there are sometimes where she is going to feel like she has multiple personalities while she is trying to walk in multiple roles. That is normal. That is not sinful. It is the skill of pivoting. It is realizing that one moment you may have to be yelling down the stairs, «Did you brush your teeth»?
The next moment, you might have to pick up the phone and use a little bit more of that bedside manner with somebody who is struggling in the hospital with cancer that goes to the church. This is not sinful; this is skillful. It’s her ability to discern in this moment, «Okay. I planned to do this today, but that completely interrupted my day. I’m going to have to go a different direction this day. I’m going to have to get it done a different way today. I’m not going to be able to do it how I thought I was going to do it today». «I’m going to have to cook for all of these disciples by myself today, and Peter won’t shut up. He keeps yelling, 'Martha, where’s the peanuts? Martha, where’s the gummy worms? ' This guy is loudmouthed. 'Does anybody care that we’re here? '»
So, while she is being led through her day, that is completely normal. The Lord will lead you, and he’ll lead you sometimes to do something you didn’t plan to do. He’ll lead you to do something that wasn’t on your list, and you have to be attentive in those moments. We sang a song earlier, «You gave me one more day». That song was written while we were finishing writing another song. One of the songwriters in the room started to play something that I had not heard, and I said, «What is that»? He said, «Something that just came to me». I said, «No, we’re going to write that right now». We wrote the song off of something he was doing as a distraction while we were waiting to record. If we did not pay attention to the moment we were in just to fulfill the agenda we had set, we would have missed the song that we sang that is now blessing people. Life is like that. You’ve got to be attentive to God.
See how she’s doing this? She’s fine. She doesn’t know where I’m taking her. That’s what it means to walk in faith. It’s like, «I don’t know what I’m going to face today. I don’t know who’s going to need me today». Especially if you’re responsible for others. Some of you got your own company because you didn’t want anybody to tell you what to do. Now you’ve got hundreds of terrorist employees, and their needs become your agenda. You have to move like this.
So, before we just chop Martha down («Oh, she should have sat at the feet of Jesus»), realize that there were things that needed to happen, and everybody was calling her attention. «Martha! Martha! Where do you keep the water for the washing of feet? Martha! Martha! There are 12 of these guys. They’ve already used up all of the water. Martha! Martha! What are we going to do? The bread is… I burned the bread. I’m sorry, Martha. Martha! Martha! This guy Judas is looking at your jewelry. You want me to put it in a different drawer? Martha! Martha»!
So, that’s what’s happening. Right? It’s just demand after demand after demand, because she is a good mom. She can be a good mom as long as she’s just «Mom, I have a birthday». She can plan that. But what about when it’s «Mom, Mom»? «Martha, Martha». Because now I’ve got a birthday and I’ve got a banquet and I’ve got a baby. And she can do this. (Let her go.) If Graham needs her… I’ve seen it a million times. She’s so good. (Just gently, boy. Don’t tug her too hard. Just gently.) She can do that. «Oh, Mom, I need this».
I’m using the illustration of a mom, but you could feel this as a young person. I’m using the illustration of a mom, but you can definitely feel it as a dad. I’m using the illustration as a mom, but you can definitely feel it as you navigate all of the roles and the frequencies your life has to occupy and the places you have to show up. I’m a student. I’m an employee. I’m a boss. I’m an employee. I’m a pastor, and I’m a dad. I get it. So she’s mom. This is fine. She’s a mom. This is fine. (Let go.) But the Greek word, where it says, «Martha was distracted…» The Greek word for distracted… (I’m stalling because I’m trying to remember how to say it.) Periespato.
Now, that’s the word. Here’s what it means. It means pulled apart. So watch this. (Let go.) She can pivot or (let go, Abbey) she can pivot. Neither of those are bad. That’s life. You’ve got to dance with things, you know. You’ve got to dance with life. You’ve got to make it look easy too. You’ve got to multitask, and up and down. That’s called dancing. This is reality. Stop praying that your life would get simpler. You want your life to get simpler? Die. Either die or dance. It’s dance or die. It’s pay this down, pay this off, hold this back. It’s dance or die. Smile here, cry there. Win here, lose there. Take the award there, take the hit there. It’s dance or die. (I should have called the message «Dance or Die».)
That is reality, but when I have «Martha, Martha,» and a birthday at 6:00 and a banquet at 6:00 and both are pulling me and I cannot give myself the grace, my expectations and other limitations minus grace… What is that? This (go that way)…this (go that way) is a recipe for resentment. Is this for you? Have you been feeling like this? This is why Martha feels like a martyr. It’s like she’s up on the cross. «I guess I’ll just be the only one to cook around here, Jesus. Since you came to die on the cross, I guess I’ll just die for you in this kitchen». But Jesus didn’t call Martha to be a martyr. He said, «Martha, Martha». «Martha, Martha». You can’t be «Mom, Mom. Mom, Mom». You can’t be «Holly, Mom. Holly, Mom». You can’t be all that at once.
Now comes the solution. He says, «It’s not that what you’re doing is wrong. It’s not that I don’t want to eat. It’s not just 'be less busy.'» How many dumb sermons have we heard about «Be less busy»? Okay. Well, tell that to my professor. Tell that to my boss. I realized it is not busyness that is the problem. The problem is division. So, you did the birthday, I did the banquet, and none of them are going to end up in therapy over it. Oh, I need to say that. Y’all sit down for a minute. I need to talk about this. Who made this list of all the things we think we have to do to be a good parent today? I’m going to come back here behind the safety of my pulpit when I say this.
Okay. This is going to be controversial. I could literally say that the Bible is not the Word of God and get less hate than what I’m about to get for what I’m about to say right now. By the way, the Bible is the Word of God, just in case I get clipped. Okay. Now, that being said, your kid does not have to play on every team. I’m going to help you come down off that cross, baby. I’m going to help you from feeling like this. Your kid does not have to be in AP chemistry in kindergarten. «Yeah, but they need to get it on their résumé. What if they apply for a college that doesn’t accept that kind of class»? Then put them in a community college or make them an entrepreneur and tell them you did it to teach them character. Teach them to sell Jolly Ranchers out of their backpack. I don’t care. But stop putting all this pressure on stuff that robs your peace. I’m going to help you, Martha, Martha.
«Martha, Martha». There’s only one Martha. «Martha, Martha, Martha». That’s what it sounds like. That’s why Jesus called her «Martha, Martha,» because that’s how she felt in that moment. «There’s only one of me, and I’m being pulled». «Martha, you can work in the kitchen or you can sit at my feet, but being mad because Mary is at my feet while you’re working in the kitchen… That is going to kill your joy». Feeling like you’re a bad dad because you’re not the dad like the other kids have… That is going to kill your potential as a parent. How many times have I felt bad about myself as a dad because I never taught my kids how to fish? They don’t need to learn how to fish. They’ve got fish sticks at the grocery store. Cut out the whole middleman of the ocean or the lake. Straight to the freezer.
I’m serious. Whose list is this? Martha is not really stressed about the situation. I’m going to show you this. She comes to Jesus. Right? I want to walk you back slowly through this passage. Oh, I love teaching you the Word of God. This is what I live for right here. In verse 39, it says that Mary sat at the Lord’s feet… Can I get my Scripture back? She sat at the Lord’s feet. She got at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he said. To what he said. «But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made». According to who? I don’t think Jesus sent a rider in advance with the two that went. You know, «Jesus only eats brown M&Ms, so make sure when he comes in his green room…»
Jesus is not a rock star. He’s the Rock of Ages. He just told them, «Eat whatever is set before you when I send you out,» so Jesus is cool. Jesus is just, you know… I was going to say Jesus is just… No, I’m not going to say it. I’ll tell you later. But Jesus would just show up and eat whatever you put before him. So, let me ask you a question. When she says, «Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself…» «Tell her to help me with my work that I decided to do». «Jesus, Lord, respectfully, tell her to do what I decided needed to be done to host you». Let me try that again. «Lord, here’s my list. Here’s my list. I hear you teaching my sister Mary, and I know you think she’s attentive. She’s really just kind of lazy, spacey. Jesus…»
You know, you get an attitude, right? «Jesus, Lord… Lord, Lord, Lord…» Let me say it right. «Tell her to help me do this work on my list». So now I have a contrast. She (Mary) is listening. Martha is listing. One is listening to what he says. One is listing what they have to do, what they think ought to be done. «Lord, I know you’re teaching these amazing teachings about the Good Samaritan, and all this, but let me put one on the list, because I know you’re teaching my sister right now, and she’s listening to you, and that is wonderful. We’re so glad to have you in our home, and it’s so amazing to have you in Bethany. We really do care that you’re here. We care that you’re here. But does anybody care that I’m stressed»?
I imagine, as minutes turned to hours and Jesus kept teaching… You know, the parable of the prodigal son. Maybe Martha comes and says, «I appreciate your teaching, but would you mind teaching the parable of the lazy sister who needs to get in this kitchen and help me fulfill my agenda for you, Jesus»? One is listening to Jesus' agenda for her. The other is giving Jesus her agenda for him. Which is your prayer life? Is your prayer life giving Jesus an agenda or is your prayer life listening to his? Which is your discipleship journey at this stage? Whose list is this? «Well, we’ve got to fluff the pillows». Jesus is like, «I don’t need fluffy pillows. The Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head. I’ll sit right here on the floor. I don’t need the fluffy pillows». «Jesus, we know you’ve got a special diet». «I don’t have a special diet. Just make sure it follows the Jewish customary law so the Pharisees don’t get mad and shut down the meeting. I’ll eat whatever you put in front of me».
So, whose list is this? For those of you who struggle with perfectionism, whose list is that that makes you feel like you could never measure up? Of course you could never measure up. That’s why he came down! He fulfilled the righteous requirements of the law. He did the list. He was sinless. He was spotless. He did not retaliate. He fulfilled all righteousness. He was the spotless Lamb of God. He was blameless. He was the perfect one, so you don’t have to be. So, when condemnation starts in your brain, telling you, «Well, you’re this, you’re that, you’re not, you can’t, and you won’t,» ask the question all week long: «Whose list is this»?
Ask your neighbor, «Whose list is this»? Got me feeling all stressed out, like I’ve got to do a thousand things to be right with God. I’ve only got to do one thing to be right with God. If I call on the name of Jesus, I will be saved. Whoever calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. If I confess my sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive me of my sins and cleanse me of all unrighteousness. So, for all the Pharisees and Sadducees who are sad-you-see, because you keep expecting others to follow your list… You have no grace for your expectations, and others' limitations make you angry, because they are not living up to your list to be a good Christian. Christian isn’t named after you. There is one name we follow, one standard we raise, one banner we… Whose list is this?
I want you to look at your to-do list for this week before you start it and ask the question, «Is this your list, Lord? Is there stuff on this list that I’m doing just to look good and impress others that you never called me to do»? Oh, I’m preaching now. Sometimes we label it responsible, but sometimes what we do in an effort to appear responsible is really out of the comparisons that we’ve made with people we don’t really know. Whose list is this? I sat down to eat with somebody the other day, and they said, «You ought not eat that». I said, «What’s wrong with it»? They told me some story about what chemicals were on the food. I’m like, «Hold on, hold on, hold on. I’m confused. You went to the grocery store and bought it»? «No». «You cooked it»? «No». «Hmm. Sounds like if you didn’t purchase it and you didn’t prepare it, then you don’t get to make the list».
And I like chemicals. Let me go on record. Go ahead. Just throw something at me. Throw an organic avocado at me as I say this. I like the chemicals. I think they’re delicious! It used to just be «Don’t snort cocaine». Now I can’t snort cocaine. I can’t eat chemicals. And it was a vegetable I was eating. It’s a vegetable! When did vegetables become villains? Whose list is this? «Well, you know, you really ought to homeschool your kids, because if you homeschool your kids, then they’re going to get, you know, they’re going to get a better relationship, so homeschool your kids». «Well, you have to socialize your kids in a great environment as well, and if you homeschool your kids, they’ll be socially awkward». «No, but if you put them in a social environment, they’ll be tempted». «But if you don’t put them in a social environment, they’ll face greater temptations in later days, and they’ll end up paying on the back end for the decisions you shielded them from».
Look at you, Martha. Martha, Martha, Martha, making your list of what makes a good mom off of other people’s opinions. It’s their opinion. You might need to homeschool one and boarding school the other. Keep one close, ship one off. Who knows? Jesus said, «Only one thing you’ve got to do. Stay close to me. Only one thing is necessary, because I will never pull you apart». If you are being pulled apart by the demands of your life, let me tell you something about the list you’re living by. It’s not his. It’s not his list. That might have been your mom’s list. She might have demanded more from you than you were able to give, but that’s not his list. Others might have expected things out of you that you weren’t able to fulfill. God never will. If he wills you to do it, he will walk with you through it. Whose list is this?
«Jesus, I need help with this list». Now, I’m going to show you how far Martha comes in the Scripture. (Y’all can sit down, and I want you to come up.) Martha in this passage… She’s in a tough spot. She’s in a really tough spot. In a way, we don’t get much closure in the passage itself, because it kind of just ends with Jesus saying, «Hey, I know you’re resourceful, I know you’re responsible, I know you’re respectful, but Mary is present». Martha isn’t present. She’s pulled. So, since she’s pulled, she begins to resent. It’s a recipe for resentment, trying to please everybody, trying to be everything, trying to achieve everything, trying to achieve eight-pack abs while also going back to school. All of that amalgamation of what you think it means to achieve…
That comes from culture. That comes from comparison. That comes from condemnation. It does not come from Christ. It is a recipe for resentment. For you to just keep adding to your life what you think you need to be for God to love you more, what you think you need to do for somebody else to love you more, what you think you need to achieve in order to be worthy of the life God gave you by his grace… Remember, your expectation (even of yourself) plus others' limitations (even if it’s your own) minus grace is a recipe for resentment.
Now Martha is screaming in the kitchen. «Does anybody care that I’m tired? Does anybody care that I’m doing this for them? Does anybody care»? «Jesus…» This is what she said. «Don’t you care? Don’t you care that I’m doing all the work by myself»? Jesus said, «I care, but not about your work. I care about your worry. You want me to help you with your work, but I want to help you with your worry. I want to take your list, and I want to walk with you through it. I want to show you in this season of your life…»
I’m not talking to Martha, Martha anymore; I’m talking to you, you. God wants to show you in this season of your life where you are being paralyzed because you are being pulled. That’s a picture of worry, isn’t it? Being pulled on both sides and going nowhere. Being pulled and spent and tired, but making no progress. «Don’t you care, Lord»? He says, «I care. I care so much that I want you to be present with me so you do not resent the demands of your life that you are trying to fulfill without me».
This is the same thing Martha asked Jesus when her brother Lazarus got sick. Does anybody know this story? Wave at me if you know the story of a man called Lazarus. Did you know that his big sister was Martha? Did you know that his village was called Bethany? How must it have felt for Martha not only to cook for Jesus and his disciples but to care for a sick brother? Usually men would pay for the bills, but Lazarus couldn’t. There’s no mention of a husband. Martha is doing it by herself. That’s why it hit a nerve when she said, «Don’t you care that she’s left me to do it by myself»? It can feel like that, and it has felt like that for some of us. «Do you really expect me to be here and there? I can only be one place at one time».
That’s right. That’s right. When Lazarus got sick, Martha sent word to Jesus, saying, «The one that you love is sick». This is in John, chapter 11. You can read it when you get home. She said, «The one that you love is sick». But when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was, and Lazarus died. On the fourth day, after the body was thought to have been void of the spirit (which evacuated, according to their custom, on the third day), Jesus shows up. He shows up late, and Martha meets him at the gate. I want to show you how far she’s come, because I asked the Lord, «Where do I land this message to help those who feel like this today, who feel like this, no place to sit, no one to help, nothing to think»?
I realized that although in the passage it only ends with Martha being corrected, in John, chapter 11 (give me the Scripture on the screen, please), she calls him, «Lord». Remember, her brother has died, but he’s still Lord. Remember, he disappointed her expectation, but he’s still Lord. Remember, he didn’t do what she asked him to do, but he’s still Lord. I’m about to show you one of the most major transformations in Scripture. Here is this woman, Martha, Martha, who was so distracted and divided that she was coming apart at the seams.
«Does anybody care that I’m slaving? Does anybody care that I’m working? Does anybody care that I’m serving»? «'Lord, ' Martha said to Jesus, 'if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.'» You missed it. There’s been a switch. Tell somebody, «There’s been a switch». When we saw Martha in Luke, chapter 10, she was working off her list, but look what she says in John, chapter 11, verse 22. «But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask».
So she has learned the life lesson. «It is his list, not my list that matters in this season of my life». I want to speak to everybody who has been living off of your list. You have been listing your liabilities, listing your limitations, listing your reasons to feel bad, listing your reasons to feel shameful, listing the adversaries that are against you, listing the disadvantage of your season. Shift your attention to his list. When she did that… I’m ready to preach. When she said, «God will give you whatever you ask…» Get ready to shout over verse 23. «Jesus said to her, 'Your brother will rise again.'»
So let me preach the whole sermon. My expectation plus others' limitation is a recipe for resentment. But watch this. My faith plus God’s presence is a recipe for resurrection. The moment you get focused on his list… Catch what I’m saying. The moment you begin to believe that he is who he says he is, he can do what he says he can do, he is God all by himself… He doesn’t need any help, doesn’t need an assistant, doesn’t need an agenda, doesn’t need a calendar, doesn’t need a schedule, doesn’t need a committee to bless you. This is his list. And he led her to the tomb step by step, and Lazarus came forth. Everything that would try to pull Martha away… No, no, no. You can’t get distracted now. You’ve got to stay close to him. One thing is necessary. One thing is necessary.
Jesus said, «I’m going to put your list down to one item: do what I say. If I don’t tell you to do it… I don’t care what pressure culture puts on you to do it. Do what I say. Be who I called you to be. Let me do my job in your life, and you will see when you get to the tomb and the Word says, 'Lazarus, come forth.' If you will stay close to me, I will show you something you did not even know to plan for». You stay right there, because God brought you to this moment. It’s a «Martha, Martha» moment. It’s deciding that instead of feeling bad about what you didn’t get (or being distracted by a phone that rings in the middle of your close)… You are going to stay focused on what God has put in front of you for this season. He did this so you don’t have to.