Steven Furtick - How To Date God's Way (04/17/2024)
In this candid father-son convo, Steven Furtick opens up to Elijah about what godly dating looks like in 2024, sharing how he and Holly set super high boundaries like no kissing till the wedding to show real value. He warns that without Spirit-led standards, you're lost amid social media, easier access to sexual stuff, and cultural pressures, but the core is both people chasing God and Jesus-likeness together. Rules without heart miss the point—Jesus is still enough for purity and strong relationships today.
Elijah Furtick: What does godly dating look like to you in 2024?
Pastor Steven: When I started dating your mom, we had this standard we’re not gonna kiss before we say that we’re engaged. And then when we got engaged, we’re like, let’s don’t kiss till our wedding day. And I told that story everywhere from public school rallies where everybody in the room started laughing, like… And that was a mistake because that really wasn’t the audience to be going there with. But I was learning, and I’ve told that story to you as an example, not that that should be a standard, but I think that the standard that you set is indicative of the value that you ascribe. So I’m gonna give you an example for that. There are certain things in my life that are really locked up physically, spiritually, emotionally, and there are certain things in my life that are out in the open. Okay. What concerns me the most about if I were dating in twenty-twenty-four. And I know it’s a broad question on purpose, right? Because you just want me to take this wherever.
Setting Standards That Reflect True Value
Elijah Furtick: Yeah. Wherever you I feel like… yeah…
Pastor Steven: Wherever I feel led to to take it.
Elijah Furtick: Exactly.
Pastor Steven: I feel that without setting your standard by the Spirit of God, you are going to be completely and totally lost. Not only when it comes to social media, not only when it comes to different sexual things that are now way more prominent because it has changed a lot, but inside of yourself. And one of the greatest things about standards like Godly dating or back in the day, man, there was a whole movement in Christianity right before we were dating called «I Kiss dating goodbye». And it was, dating in itself is a sin. You need to have courtship.
Elijah Furtick: Yeah. I’ve heard there’s like a book about that, right?
Pastor Steven: Yeah. And it is actually a beautiful, beautiful concept. And there was nothing wrong with the idea of commitment because the premise of it was, the way that we do dating in America doesn’t prepare us for marriage. It prepares us for divorce. So, you know, you try on, you try, you don’t like it, you move on, you try, you don’t like it, you move on. The problem with that became though that then we got in this battle about, «Okay, well I’m not dating for a year and now I’ve still got all these desires and what do I do with them»?
The Pitfalls of Rules Without Heart Change
Elijah Furtick: Right.
Pastor Steven: And it didn’t really solve anything. It just basically was like mopping up the floor rather than fixing what was busted at the pipe. You know the analogy I’m saying?
Elijah Furtick: Wow. That’s a crazy analogy.
Pastor Steven: Yeah. Because anytime we just make it about rules, rules, rules, rules, then we’ve miss the heart of the relationship. So, I don’t know, I would throw it back on you to say, «Do you think that’s weird that we were like, we’re not gonna kiss until our wedding day. Does that sound almost like alien to y’all to hear that that’s where we set our line at that point in time»?
Elijah Furtick: No, sir. I think that that is the ideal way to do it, because I feel like so many of my friends or whoever that I hear the problems they get in their relationships. It’s based off of kind of this jealousy of, you know, whoever their partner’s past is. And I feel like that’s such a thing that sort of creeps into so many relationships these days. And so I think like the more that you can eliminate stuff before you meet your wife, like that’s gonna be kinda awkward if you meet your wife and she’s kissed another dude. Like if anyone’s honest, you’d probably rather her not do that. And same her for you. So I do think that that’s like ideally the best way to do it a 100%.
Chasing the Same God-Honoring Goal
Pastor Steven: And I think when you said the word ideal, it taps something in me. Like our ideal of what a relationship is gonna be like is usually so unrealistic. You know, there is no ideal friendship. There is no ideal Father-son relationship. There is no ideal marriage or dating relationship for that matter. But I would ask this question just like if I was looking for one guiding principle. «Are we after the same thing? Are we both seeking to glorify God with our lives? " Let’s start there. «Do we both want to be more like Jesus, even though we know we have struggles»? And if you honestly know that that’s not happening, how can two walk together unless they be in agreement? If you are chasing one thing and I’m chasing another, it’s gonna rip us both apart. So I think you start from there and man, I don’t know how we would’ve done if we were dating in 2024. I think it’s tougher, but I think that Jesus is still enough. And I think that a form of purity still matters. And I’m not saying don’t kiss, but I’m saying… and I used to teach dating seminars. I can go as deep as you want. I did, I did dating seminars for three years. Yeah, if I was going to preach somewhere, I’d say, now gimme, gimme a Saturday morning for the dating seminar.
Elijah Furtick: And you would have just whoever wanted to come like…
Pastor Steven: Oh, they all had to come. Sometimes I would just get the boys. And then we went in.
Elijah Furtick: Oh, that’s when it got real.
Pastor Steven: That’s when I could, that is the explicit youth nation for men only podcast.
Elijah Furtick: Can’t find those on the ball.
Guarding the Treasure God Gave You
Elijah Furtick: But, I want you to know that I think there is a great, great value on your life. And so anybody you allow to be connected with you, or especially the connections that you make that are physical, I want you to guard the treasure God has put in you. And I’m not saying that as somebody who thinks it’s easy. Oh, that’s easy for you. You’re married. I wasn’t always married, you know, we had to navigate many of the same things. It’s not like because I was anointed as some holy man of God, I didn’t have the normal hormones and normal, I mean, I can sit here and talk to you about how attracted I am to your mom physically. Would you like that?
Elijah Furtick: No, sir.
Pastor Steven: Okay. Next question.