Steven Furtick - Have You Lost Your Confidence? How To Get It Back
I'm about to take you into a very special conversation it's a moment from my do the new you mindset master class I know that's a mouthful but it was an incredible time of discovery and teaching and development I got together with my friend Brendon Burchard number one New York Times bestselling author high performance coach amazing brilliant mind and we talked about the six mindsets from my book do the new you in detail like the Nitty Gritty of it how do I bring these mindsets into my life and I'm going to share with you a section of that conversation today right here and if you'd like access to the entire master class all you gotta do is go to dothenewyou.com get the book and you'll unlock the entire library this going to be a resource to help you I can't wait to share it with you and in the meantime go to dothenewyou.com and you'll get them all now enjoy this moment this is one of our favorites.
Steven Furtick: Until my identity in Christ starts affecting how I interpret my life, I really still don't get it yet. And if I see myself just as somebody. That God loves because, well, Jesus died on the cross and there's a group insurance plan, and I got in on it because I accepted Jesus. And now God kind of has to include me with all of my pre-existing conditions. Then I have missed the point of what it means to say that I am a masterpiece made by God. I am. And the Greek, it literally says a poema, like a poem like God's poem and the idea that. Christ is in me means more than just He died for me 2000 years ago. That is huge. I'm not downplaying that at all. I'm just saying that the fact of Christ being in you has to do more with your everyday life than you might think because as long as we look at God as being. Out there somewhere, you know, I'm throwing up a prayer to the big man upstairs, or man, I'm looking for God to kind of come down and fix this situation. Yeah, and don't shift it to the internal then we're basically living our life with no agency. Right. We're living our life. If I understand my basic psychological terms correctly. We're living our lives at the mercy of our impulses. Mm-Hmm. Stimulus response and no Christ in the middle to say, wait a minute, I'm a child of God. Wait a minute. I belong to God. I have faith. I have the grace of God. I get to appropriate God's power in this situation as I surrender to him. Right.
Brendon Burchard: So good. So good. Yeah. The way I think about it is often a lot of the trouble we have in our mindset is we go to identity first. And you know, in what I love about faith and religions of the world, he says actually interpret things through the word, interpret things through him and what he intended versus just how you feel and who you think you are. Yeah, because if I ran my entire life based on identity, who I think I am and how I'm feeling, and how I identify in these groups, versus a higher moral ethic versus spiritual guidance. We'd be a hot mess. And I think that's one of the things we struggle with in the world right now. That's why we have a, I always say we have a selfie culture versus a service culture. We have a selfie culture. 'cause we're all focused so much on identity and we're sometimes missing the higher calling, the higher service that if we interpreted life in a different way through faith. Through spirituality, we'd probably act differently. Mm-Hmm mm-Hmm. And so the, the, it sounds like when I say, you know, mindset is interpretation, that identity, sometimes people would think that's, oh, that's a negative thing, 'cause you're saying impulse and then self. But I'm often saying too, interpretation is connecting to a higher cause or higher moral ethic, higher spirituality. And I'm within that. I am within, like Christ is in me. That's where it starts. Yeah. But I am. In him, you know, part of this, in him. Yeah. This is a bigger thing. Yeah. Yeah. Than just me. Yeah. And I think that's actually empowering because I can understand I'm enough because I'm, you know, he's in me, but I'm. External too, since
Steven Furtick: you're already there. I think we should just dive on down a little deeper into this. 'cause I know you wonder about this too sometimes self-esteem, like, um, self-worth, like, um, I'm enough. It's, it's sometimes just so flippant. Right? And yet I know me, I know the, the dark parts of me. I know, I know not only the mistakes I make, but the mistakes that. I want to make that I hold myself back from that are even worse than the ones that I make. And knowing all of that about me, I want shared with our church. And I share it a little bit in the book, that accepting Jesus wasn't that hard for me. Like we have this phrase, accepting Jesus as your Lord and Savior receiving Christ well, accepting him, I get forgiven, loved get to go to heaven. Great. Sign me up. I'm accepting Jesus. He has the. The, the way that I should live. He has all wisdom, all power. I'm accepting Jesus. That took me, you know, just opening my heart and accepting him, but accepting Steven, that's a little harder. Mm-Hmm. And I have a real passion to help you with this because I think it's possible for you to accept Jesus. And not accept you. In fact, this mindset in the book goes with an action step. They each do, and this action step is accept yourself, and I put it with a capital S, not because you're God and God is you. I don't believe that. I believe that basically the self that God wants you to accept is your spirit, which is made perfect and complete in Him, which is cleansed. Then it's covered up by all of this other stuff. So I wanna know, as you've studied it, because man, you've looked into this from every different angle and the terms that we throw around sometimes about self-worth and self-esteem and identity. Sometimes it's a moving target. It's not like I just either accept myself or I don't. It kind of depends on the time of day or what just happened. Yeah. Or what stimulus I just ran into. So talk to me about how that self-worth self-esteem thing can be a moving target for us.
Brendon Burchard: I think you nailed this in the book, that this, you know, I Am enough, comes back down to recognizing that we are more than what limits us. And we are more than what's missing. As you say in the fir, in the first part of the chapter, you say, you know, you're more than just what's missing. Yeah. That sometimes the reason it feels like a moving target is because in every given situation we go, am I capable to handle this? That's at that moment, that's what we're saying. Am I enough? Am I capable of handling this? Then we say, oh, am I doing it right? Am I perfect? And we consider perfect enough. And then we say, do I have as much or am I as good as them? That makes me enough. 'cause I compare well. So we usually say, am I capable? Am I perfect? Am I comparing well? Well those are the three moving targets, okay? And you're never gonna hit all three of 'em. So you're never gonna fill enough, because if that's how you equate enough, you're in trouble. So in all of psychology, it always comes back down to definitions, right? So what does it mean for you to be enough? That's what we'll start in coaching sometimes. What does it mean for you to be enough? Maybe you put that in the chat. Yeah. What does it mean? What is enough? Yeah. 'cause most people say, well, what does it mean to be enough? Well, I gotta be perfect. I gotta be capable to handle all the complexity of this new business, or this new challenge, or this new issue I'm facing. And oh yeah, I gotta compare. Well next to my neighbor. Well, if that's. What enough to you is you are never gonna achieve it. Mm-Hmm. You'll never get near it because those three things are always moving in every given new situation. So at some point, just like happiness in our life, we discern, we discern what is happiness to me. And in this case, we have to say, well, what is enough to me? Is me being enough? Does that mean I'm confident? Does it mean I feel capable? Does it mean I'm I'm worthy? Like what does it mean? And people often only explore that once they get to the point where they feel like, oh wait, I am doing life kind of good. I'm measuring up pretty well to the Joneses.
Steven Furtick: You know? You know you taught something one time. I think it really fits with this mindset. I would love for you to hear this game-changing teaching that Brendan has on integrating your wins. Now, I've shared some of this before, but I can't share it the way you do, and I realize that. Maybe part of the reason I can't share it is because I'm scared sometimes to give myself any credit, because it's like, no, it was all God. I like to joke that sometimes we'll tell a singer in church, you know, wow, you really did great today singing, and they'll go, no, it, it wasn't me. It was, it was all God. To which I always wanna say no. It wasn't all God. It wasn't that good. It'd be, that'd sound a little better if it was just God. A lot better. It was good. You did good. And this idea of integrating your wins. Yeah. Talk about that. 'cause I think a lot of us are confused and we're like, well, I don't want to have pride. Well, no, you don't wanna have pride, but this idea that I can never really feel good about what I did, that doesn't please God either. So, so give this teaching. I love this.
Brendon Burchard: Yeah. It's kinda like if, if you think about are you enough, it's kinda like a, you know, like a gas tank a little bit. You know, it's either full or it's not. And for what most, what's happened for most people on their journey of life is they've depleted it over and over and over and over in terms of not giving themselves credit. And so they never integrate the win. Every time they screw something up, they take such a huge chunk out of themselves. Mm-Hmm. They're just like demoralizing themselves. They're just like self-hatred. They're angry at themselves. They have guilt and shame, and every time something goes bad. Just like they take something outta themselves, they drain the tank, and people who finally feel more confident, more fulfilled, more capable, more than enough, they're able to see all the times they did okay. They didn't screw up, they managed things well. They became resilient. They bounced back. They were a good person. They got the award, they, they did achieve something. They did feel good at the end of the day, and they integrate that into who they are. I am enough. Yeah. I did these things and they added up inside the character. They added up inside the strength. And there's a stacking that happens in our psychology after enough integrating of the wins because I work with athletes who've lost their confidence. They lost their, like they're literally top of the game. Yeah. You know, they're top OO five of the world and they've lost their confidence. So they'll have me come in, I'll just sit down with them, talk 'em 30 minutes. And I'll realize they're telling me everything they have done wrong. Lost that game, dropped that ball, sparked over here, got this fine. I mean, they're telling me everything that went wrong, and they're not saying anything about what they're doing, right. For their self-talk is always diminishing versus additive or recognizing their strengths. So integrating the mean. Integrating the win means at the what if At the end of each day you thought about the things you did do well, the things that did turn out okay, the things that you were proud of, the, the character you showed, the patience you showed, the love that you showed, the resilience you showed and you said, oh, that's part of me, and you just kind of. And you allowed yourself to take some peace in the goodness of who you were that day. And if day after day, year after year, you allow yourself to take some peace in of the goodness that you did and the goodness that you are, suddenly one day you feel more full, now you can feel more fulfilled. You can feel like you're enough because you're adding in versus taking out all the time. I love this, and most people have never integrated. The good things they've done in their life into their identity. So they still feel deficient. Like they were a fifteen-year-old kid who beats themselves up and and doesn't think they fit in. But you're talking about a 30 or forty-year-old woman or a man who has not yet ever breathed in the good that they did. So their confidence is of a high schooler versus a 30 or 40 or fifty-year-old person. Wow. 'cause they never integrated those wins.
Steven Furtick: I think of it in that such a beautiful picture, man, and that. Practice alone would change your life if you sat with God at the end of the day or you're laying down. It doesn't have to be at a prayer bench. It can be. It can be. It doesn't have to be with the journal. It can be. But even if there was just some time for you to process with your Heavenly father, I actually was thinking while you were talking about the other night when Graham, my middle son, came to me right before I was falling asleep. And he had had a really good, uh, match a few hours earlier and he started asking me questions about the match. Like, um, when did you know I had it under control? And, uh, did you think I wasn't gonna come back from that bad call? And I realized about third question, what he was doing. He was processing with his father what had happened. The victory that he had won, the struggle that he went through to get there, almost as if to say to me, walk back through this with me and help me feel my win. Nice. And what a beautiful thing to pray to God like, God, help me feel that win. Because you know when you're going through it, you don't feel like enough ever. You feel like I'm stretched. If you have faith, you're always gonna be in a place that makes you feel a little bit outside of your comfort zone. And so then what do you do? You get through it. You show up anyway. You show up messy. You show up scared. You show up with your hands shaking your mouth dry. Not enough sleep, not enough resource, and you do it, but you didn't feel it while you did it 'cause you were doing it. So then when you fall asleep that night or at the end of the week or however you do it, you sit with God. And that's important because I don't believe I'm sitting by myself going. Wasn't I amazing? I worship me. I'm going, God, wasn't that crazy how we did that. I mean, I even started praying a prayer recently to get into this. Christ is in me. I am enough mindset, more in my heart that before I go to preach or to do something like this, or even if it's not a spiritual activity, the way we qualify spirituality, I'll pray. God, at the end of this day. I want to feel good about the work that you and I did together. And what it helps me to do is, first of all, Christ is in me. He's working with me, and we're gonna talk about that in a later mindset, how God is always working through us. But the big thing about it is that I'm not processing this. Not only am I not processing only the defeats of the day. But I'm integrating the victories, giving praise to God, right. And allowing him to solidify it in my heart. I think that's a life-changing practice. And I think it's different than just, oh, be grateful. Yeah. Because a lot of people could hear this and say, yeah, yeah. I'm grateful for my blessings and all of this. No, you're saying something deeper. You're going, have you taken the time for the blessings that God gave you and the victories that he gave you, and really making that a part of yourself? Yes. In the future.
Brendon Burchard: Yeah. That's so huge. We see it in, in winning teams all the time is like win after win after win after win. And you know, if you get to hang out with them in the bus afterwards or whatever, you see as the season goes on, they actually talk more about the wins. They still got a job to do, but they want to debrief it like Graham did. And I think a lot of people, they never debrief the good in their life. Hmm. They bemoaned the bad. And so when you take a walk with your wife in the morning, if you would, I. Just talk about the good things that are happening and give praise. Mm-Hmm. It's so simple. We all know we should do it, but so few people actually verbalize it. Mm-Hmm. And so more people year round. If you can talk about the good. Talk about the good. Talk about the good Give. Praise. It. It suddenly you start to feel like life is enough, because sometimes you don't feel like enough 'cause you feel like life isn't enough. Um, our house isn't big enough. I'm not enough. You know, the, the company's not doing well enough, so I'm not enough. And we equate these external things so often to, am I enough? But if you can start giving glory and recognizing the good things, and I love what you shared, that you're doing it together, now you solve two problems. It's not only did you. You feel enough 'cause good things are happening, but you also don't feel alone anymore.