Robert Jeffress - Keep Marriage Holy
Hi, I'm Robert Jeffress, and welcome again to Pathway to Victory. Few perils pose a greater threat to marriage than adultery. What starts off as an innocent conversation can end up destroying a perfect healthy relationship. So how can we guard ourselves, and our families against the temptation of moral compromise? Today we're going to discover some practical steps for following the seventh commandment. My message is titled, "Keep Marriage Holy" on today's edition of Pathway to Victory.
Sometime ago, a man from another church came to visit with me and to confess that he was involved in an adulterous relationship, and trying to be pastoral and empathetic, I thought I could maybe vocalize what he was feeling. I said, I'm sure you're overwhelmed by guilt and grief, and you've probably never been more miserable in your life than you are right now, but there is a way out. And he looked at me with a perplexed look and said, no, actually I'm happier than I've ever been before. I learned right then don't try to imagine what other people are feeling. The truth is and you don't hear this often from us preacher types, the truth is sin is very pleasurable. It's enticing, it's alluring. If it wasn't, nobody would sin.
Sin is pleasurable, especially sexual sin for a season, and perhaps no sin leaves a wake of destruction behind it. Like the sin we're talking about today. It affects not only those involved, but the innocent parties, it can affect generations to come, which is why one of the top 10 on God's list of commandments is the seventh commandment found in Exodus 20:14, "You shall not commit adultery". Now, what I want to do today is four things. I want us to talk about the meaning of adultery. We're going to look at the progression of adultery, how it happens. Third, we're going to look at some biblical steps for the avoidance of adultery. And finally, I want to end on a note of hope, talking about the aftermath of adultery.
First of all, let's talk about why it is that God talks about adultery and what is it he's exactly talking about. Adultery is to break a covenant, a promise you've made to your wife, or to your husband and more importantly to God himself. And when you commit adultery, you are breaking that covenant. That's why God says you are not to commit adultery. Well, how does it happen? How does adultery happen? It doesn't just come out of nowhere. The progression of adultery and for that matter every sin is found in James 1:13. Adultery first of all begins in the mind, mental adultery.
Look at verse 13 of James 1, "Let no one say when he is tempted, I am being tempted by God. For God cannot be tempted by evil, and he himself does not tempt anyone, but each person is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust". That word translated carried away, alchemy means to be drawn with an inward power and when inward lust meets outward temptation, the result is sin. And that leads to the next step in the progression of adultery. It goes from mental adultery to physical adultery. Verse 15, "Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth," not to life but "To sin. And when sin is accomplished," that is fully developed, "It brings forth death".
God says, those who commit adultery commit villainy. In other words, it's something wicked, even something criminal. Have you heard that, oh, there's nothing wrong with sex, it's a victimless crime? Not at all. There are many victims, especially in adultery. It starts with mental adultery, then there is physical adultery and finally James says in verse 15, "There is death". "When sin is accomplished, it brings forth death". What does he mean, death? Well, there's a general sense in which all sin ends up in physical death. The reason we die is because we've inherited the sin virus, but I think he's talking about something more here.
Sin destroys everything important to us, and I can see from my own experience as a pastor how adultery can destroy a marriage. It destroys a family, it destroys a career. It destroys a reputation, it can destroy your ministry. It destroys everything that is valuable to us, and that's why there's so many warnings about adultery. Ecclesiastes 7:26, "I discovered more bitter than death, is the adulterous woman whose heart is snared and his nets and whose hands are chains. But one who is pleasing to God will escape from her, but the sinner will be captured by her". If you're a believer, adultery isn't inevitable. There is a way to escape from that sin, but you have to be intentional to do so.
How do you avoid the devastating sin of adultery? Solomon said the key is Proverbs 4:23. He wrote, "Watch over your heart with all diligence for out of your heart flow" the issues, "The springs of life". You have to understand in the Hebrew mind the heart was not the center of emotion. You know, today we think of hearts. Valentine's day, you probably got some hearts if you're a mom today from your children or grandchildren, it's a feeling that you have, but that wasn't the way the Hebrews thought of it.
To the Hebrews, the seed of emotion wasn't the heart, but the bowels, the intestines. That's where you felt things deeply. The heart was the center of thought, it was the mind. That's why Proverbs says, "As a man thinks in his," what? "Heart," that's what we think with our heart, "So is he". So when Solomon says, watch over your heart, he's not just talking about your affections, he's talking about your mind. That's where it all starts. I want to suggest today there are five centuries, five soldiers that you ought to employ to guard your heart, your mind, to protect you from adultery. First of all, your eyes make a covenant with your eyes.
You remember in our series "18 minutes with Jesus," I said that adultery in the bed begins with adultery in the head, but it really goes back farther than that. It actually begins not in the mind, it begins with the eyes. Matthew 5:28, Jesus said, "I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart". It's not just looking at another person it's gazing at another person. Staring at another person. Thinking about them. Performing a mental undressing of the other person, an imagined seduction and intercourse. That's what it means to lust after another person.
The second century guard, the place at your mind is to avoid compromising company, avoid compromising company. Remember 1 Corinthians 15:33, "Do not be deceived. Bad company corrupts good morals". Remember that, bad company corrupts good morals. Do you remember my illustration of that? Got it from somebody else, but it's a great illustration. If it's raining outside, you decide to go out and work in your flower bed and you put some white gloves on, what's going to happen? Your white gloves are going to get muddy, right? Never in a thousand years will the mud become more glovy, doesn't work that way. The mud doesn't become glovy, but the glove becomes muddy. It's the same way with hanging around sinners. They rub off on you, especially immoral people. People who are engaged in adultery or fornication, people who talk about it, people who joke about it.
I think that's what Paul has in mind. Bad company corrupts good morals, but may I extend that to say bad company for you may be somebody who's just a temptation to you. There's something about them that attracts you to them. It may be somebody at work, and you look for every excuse you can to go by that person's cubicle and talk with 'em, or go to their office and so forth. If that's true for you, you need to find another path to the coffee room or the copying room. Maybe it's somebody who lives in your neighborhood, and you figure it out when it is they get home, or when they're working out in the yard and you time your arrival and drive slowly by to get a look at them, find another way home to your house from work. Don't go the same path. We need to avoid compromising situations.
Thirdly, be accountable for your time. That's another guard you can place around your mind, your heart. Proverbs 16:27 in the living Bible says, "Idle hands are the devil's workshop, idle lips are his mouthpiece". You know the problem with spare time, it gives you time to listen to temptations and maybe even succumb to temptations. And by the way that is why retirement can be so dangerous for people. Suddenly they find all of this free time on their hands that they're not accountable for and they engage with people they shouldn't be engaging with on social media. They're rekindling relationships with people they shouldn't, and pretty soon they give in to immorality.
Number four, here's another guard Solomon says to put around your heart, "Have a fresh desire for your mate". Let me change that word have to cultivate. Cultivate a fresh desire for your mate. Now, let me say a word to those of you who are married. It's true for everybody, but this is for those of you who are married. Everybody has a desire for sexual stimulation and fulfillment, everybody desires that. God made us that way, but for those who are married, you have a choice of where you find that stimulation and fulfillment.
You can either find it inside the marriage that God has given you, or outside the marriage. Your body really doesn't care where you find it. We just have that drive, but you decide where you're going to fulfill it. The Word of God says why not fulfill that desire for sex inside the safety, the security of the marriage relationship? Think about your mate. There is something that drew you to that man or woman and caused you to marry them. Remind yourself of what that was, rekindle whatever that was, and enjoy sexual stimulation and fulfillment the way God said to best do it, and that is in the marriage relationship.
Number five, what guard can you place around your heart and your mind? Develop a healthy fear of God. That's foundational, a fear of God. Proverbs 16:6 says, "By the fear of the Lord one keeps away from evil". A fear of God is the best reason I know to say no to sin. Now by fear, Solomon isn't talking about cowering and being frightened like a child is, but it does mean to have a healthy respect for God, a respect for God, an awareness of God in everything that you do. Proverbs 21:2 says, "The Lord weighs the hearts". Hebrews 4:12 says, "God's word is able to judge the intentions of a person's heart". Never forget God is always watching, he's always weighing and he's always evaluating our every action. That's why we should cease from sin.
Now, we've talked about the meaning of adultery, the progression of adultery, the avoidance of adultery, let me talk finally about the aftermath of adultery. I realize I'm talking to many in this room, many watching this broadcast. Your lives have been touched by adultery. Is there any hope for a marriage that has been attacked by adultery? Let me say, first of all, a word to the guilty. For those of you who are guilty of perpetrating adultery, and introducing it into your family, is there any hope for you? The good news is yes, God forgives all of our sin if we're willing to ask.
Remember Colossians 2:13-14, "Having forgiven us of all our transgressions". God doesn't just forgive the little sins, he forgives the big sins. He forgives all of our sins, and what did he do with our transgressions? He canceled out the certificate of debt. Remember that the listing of all of our offenses, "He canceled our certificate of debt, consisting of decrees against us, which were hostile to us. He took it out of the way, having" done what? "Having nailed it to the cross" of Jesus Christ. When Jesus said, "Tetelestai," paid in full, he included your sin of adultery. Now, don't forget, with forgiveness comes a responsibility.
Jesus said in John 8:11 to the woman caught in adultery, he said, "Neither do I condemn you," but what? "Go and sin no more". Yes, you can be forgiven. Let me say a word secondly to the innocent. Maybe I'm talking to somebody here who's been a victim of adultery. Your mate has betrayed you, a parent has betrayed you. What is your responsibility? Forgiveness is not an option for a Christian, it's an obligation. Christians are obligated to forgive those who sin against them. Ephesians 4:32 says, "Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ has forgiven you".
Jesus said in Matthew six, "If you forgive others, my Heavenly Father will forgive you. If you do not forgive others, neither will my Heavenly Father forgive you". That's pretty clear, isn't it? We have a responsibility to forgive, given the great sin that God has forgiven us of. But hear this, if you're screaming inside, no, no, no, no, no, remember there's a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation.
When I forgive somebody, what I do is I give up my right to hurt them for hurting me. I say, God, you take it, you settle the score. I want to be free to get on with my own life. When we refuse to forgive, we hurt ourselves much more than we hurt the one who hurt us. We're the ones holding that bitterness that destroys our life. We can forgive somebody whether they ask for the forgiveness or not, but it's impossible to be reconciled with somebody who doesn't repent and change. Do you see what I'm saying? Forgiveness depends upon me, reconciliation depends upon us. Forgiveness has no strings attached to it, reconciliation has many strings attached to it.
Jesus was very clear in Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9 that if you have a mate who has committed adultery, especially hard hearted, unrepentant adultery, you have the option of divorcing. Jesus gave that exception for divorce, except in the case of adultery. But even though you've got the option to divorce, there's not a command to divorce. And if you have a mate who is truly repentant of their sin, they're willing to change, they're willing to go to biblical counseling then reconciliation is always the preferred outcome, not only for your sake and your mate's sake, but for the sake of your children and grandchildren.
But remember, it's conditional whether the reconciliation can happen. Forgiveness has no strings attached, reconciliation has many strings attached. Is it possible for a marriage to survive adultery? The good news is yes. One biblical writer says marriages torpedoed by affairs need not sink. They can be towed into dry dock, repaired and refitted and once refitted, they will sail farther and faster than at any previous time, and that's the power of God. Romans 8:28 says, "God is able to cause all things to work together for good to those who love him, to those who are called according to his purpose".