Rick Warren - The Path to Peace - Part 2
Kay Warren: So how does surrender help us find peace in this grief as we think about a future? As we, like David, understand that our loved one is not coming back or that loss is not changing, how do we find peace in that? Sarah Young writes in a devotional book I love called «Jesus Calling,» she says this about the future. She says, «Your future looks uncertain and feels flimsy, even precarious. That is how it should be. Secret things belong to the Lord and future things are secret things». «When you try to figure out the future, you’re grasping at things that are mine,» Jesus says, «This, like all forms of worry, is an act of rebellion, doubting my promises to care for you. Whenever you find yourself worrying about the future,» Jesus says, «repent and return to me and I will show you the next step forward, and the one after that and the one after that. Relax and enjoy the journey in my presence, trusting me to open up the way before you as you go».
As you can tell, I’m not totally there yet, but I’m edging closer. The third step that we see from this story of how David handled the loss of his child is to take care of yourself. Now, that may sound like a strange one, but every single one of these steps is an important part of the process of experiencing the peace of God. 2 Samuel 12:20: it says, «Then David got up from the ground, washed himself, put on lotions, and changed his clothes».
After his son died, King David, he got up from the ground where he had been lying prostrate in grief. He put on lotions, he washed himself, and he changed his clothes. Those sound like rather ordinary activities. You know, you take a bath, you change clothes. That’s what we do every day, right? Except for grief and loss have a way of removing the desire to even take care of yourself. When you’re in deep grief, when you’re in suffering, when you’re in mourning, who cares what you wear? It doesn’t matter. Who cares whether you took a shower today or how many days it’s been since you brushed your teeth. Who cares what’s happening on the news? The newspaper is meaningless. The ticker tape of world events don’t matter at all.
In fact, eating can sometimes be completely immaterial. Nothing tastes right. Or because nothing tastes right, you eat more and more, just trying to make something feel again and take that ache away. Sleep can become a challenge. Either sleeping too much or not able to sleep, night after night. And exercise sounds like the most ridiculous thing anybody could ever suggest to you. And this is all so understandable. If you have been through this kind of grief, you know what I’m talking about. Because shock has a way of paralyzing us, sorrow has a way of overwhelming us.
That King David gives us a concrete example of how we can gradually begin to respond, because he had accepted what he couldn’t change, he couldn’t bring his child back to him. And because he knew it wasn’t the end of the story, and that each day here was just one day closer to being reunited with his son, he was willing to live in the tension of both mourning and living. He was willing to stay in that place of the tension of mourning and grieving and still deciding that he was going to live. And to live meant that he was going to have to take care of himself physically.
So he got up from the ground. I love that picture because it tells me that when he got the news, he hit the ground. He hit the ground when he got the news that his baby had died. I understand that. I too hit the ground when I got the news. So he got up from the ground and he resumed taking a shower and combing his hair. A month or so after Matthew passed away, we were together as a family for a weekend and that entire weekend I did not shower. I don’t think I changed clothes. I know I didn’t brush my teeth. I didn’t put on any makeup. And then when I went back, saw my older son Josh, about three days later, I walked in the room and he says, «Mom, you look really nice». And I said, «It’s amazing what personal hygiene can do for you, isn’t it?» because I hadn’t done it for a while.
The point is this. That if we’re going to go on living, if we’re gonna take care of ourselves, we have to make these symbolic what David did. It was symbolic of his decision to go on living, to reenter into life, to participate in life again. It’s a tough place to be, but you and I have to learn to live. That we can simultaneously grieve and simultaneously live in this world at the same time, which leads us to that next step of surrender. Step four, which is to refocus on God through worship, because God will help us do this even as difficult as it seems. 2 Samuel 12:20 says, «Then he,» talking about David, «went to the Tabernacle and he worshiped the Lord».
Psalm 73:16 to 17 says, «I tried to understand all of this, but it was too hard for me to see until I went to the Temple of God». Because King David knew that worship can expand our spiritual insight and understanding, he headed straight for God’s house in his grief. When he received that overwhelming news of the death of his child, this loss that had taken him to the ground, that laid him prostrate on the ground, he headed straight for God’s house. It’s because he knew that in worship, we begin to catch a glimpse of how God is moving and working in the losses, how he’s working in our world and how he’s working in our lives when we come in humble surrender and adoration of him.
See, the temptation in our grief is to turn away from God. It’s to run from him. It’s to go as far in the other direction as we can, because we figure in some way God is responsible. And so if he has allowed this to happen and we’re mad and we’re angry and we’re shocked and we’re heartbroken, we run. And all of those emotions are okay, but they’re not long term responses. Long term, we have to figure out how to be in worship again. God will never abandon you in your anger, he will never abandon you in your grief, he will never abandon you in your tears, he will never abandon you in your doubts ever. He will never. But those emotions have a way of clouding. They form a fog, if you will, a cloud that keeps us sometimes from receiving the spiritual insight and the comfort that God longs to give to us.
And it’s hard to recognize God’s working when we’re lashing out at him or when we’re completely devastated by sorrow. So David went to God’s house. He went to the Tabernacle, but it’s really not about the place. The Bible talks about quietness and stillness. He talks about reconnecting all through the Word of God. So I’m advising you what I’ve done for myself. What Rick and I have done, what our family has done, is to find places that are quiet, that are serene, that are tranquil, that would allow you to reconnect with God, somewhere, I think, in the beauty of the world that God has created.
In the past four and a half months, we’ve been to the Redwoods at Big Sur, we’ve been to Yosemite, we’ve been to O’Neill Park, we’ve been to the beach. These are places where we’ve gone to intentionally connect with God. If I sit in my house, pretty soon all I can see are all the memories, all the memories that break my heart, and I get tunnel vision and I get claustrophobic and grief threatens to just swallow me up. And so when I get outside and I see the world that God has made, and I see the majesty that he has used to make this world, it reinforces my faith and my belief in him. And I see that this God, this God who designed this incredible beauty and maintains it all, is the God that is still in control and I can trust him.
Now, you can probably already tell that I’m a pretty visual person and I like to use different objects in worship, because I really believe that using tangible objects, like a mystery box, or a hope box, have a way of connecting us to the intangible. God is spirit and we can’t see him, and so sometimes with our faith, it’s so helpful to have tangible things that help us in our worship. This is something that someone gave to me a few years ago, it’s called the Clinging Cross, and it’s very twisted and broken, and I love that. It’s meant to fit here in the palm of your hand so that you can grasp tightly to this cross as you pray. And I have to tell you, in the last four and a half months, I have clung to this cross in prayer so many times.
I love the fact that it’s twisted because it reminds me of the twisted body, what Jesus went through as he gave himself up for me. It reminds me of the twisted nature of my grief and how I have been left broken. But as I bring my broken self to the cross where Jesus was broken, and in prayer, he and I talk and we commune. I find that I see spiritual insights that I don’t see any other way. Another thing that I’ve done, some of you are gonna start thinking I’m really weird. And that’s probably true, but go with me on it, I have taken a blanket, and I have wrapped myself up in a blanket along with the cross, because in my lowest moments, I’ve needed just a safe place to be.
And in your lowest moments, if you can envision it, maybe you’re not all about the tangible things. Okay, fine, we’re all different in the way that we connect with God, but for those of you who do, I urge you to try it. But just to consider this: be in a safe place. If it’s God’s house, if it’s in nature, if it’s with a group of people where you feel safe to yell, to scream, to cry, to weep, to moan, to argue, to question. But know this: wrapped in his love, clinging to his cross, wrapped in his love, you are safe. And it is the place that you maybe can take those first stabs again at worshiping, because grief has a way of keeping us from worshiping.
We’re too overwhelmed, but it’s in worship that we connect with God and find that he comforts us. As I said, I’m just past the stage of where I can breathe. And now, as I worship, maybe you’re listening to this today because God is gently inviting you again to surrender your loss to him. A great Christian from hundreds of years ago said this, «God is not a spy looking to surprise you. He is not an enemy lurking in the shadows to hurt you. God is your Father who loves you and he wants to help you, if you will, but trust in his goodness». Rick’s gonna tell the next point about surrendering.
Rick Warren: Now, there are two other steps on this path to peace that David did. He does these six things when he has this crisis in his life. You need to know these six things because you’re gonna have crises in your life. The fifth thing that David does is this: do something productive. In your grief, in your shock, in your sorrow, in your sadness, in your struggle, part of surrender is to do something productive. You see, when we’re hit with an unexpected loss, what happens is we get paralyzed by it. And you get stuck. And often you can’t even like, you lose your job.
Let’s say, if you went to work tomorrow and you go in and they give you a pink slip that says, «You’re done. How long have you served here»? «Ten years». «Sorry, you’re done». You’re in shock. Because all of a sudden, boom, you don’t have a job anymore. And you’re paralyzed. You can’t even think what to do. One of the things you need to do as you get to this stage is you start moving. You start, maybe just a little tiny step, one small step at a time.
The fifth step of David’s recovery is 1 Samuel 12 verse 20. And he says this, «He got up from the ground, he washed himself, he put on lotion, he changed the clothes, he goes to the Tabernacle, and the temple, and he worships». It says, «After that, he returned to the palace and ate». Now, why does he go to the palace? Well, he’s the king. Duh. Okay, he’s the king. The palace is his place of productivity. The palace is where he works. He’s basically saying, «I’m gonna go back to work». Now, let me ask you this. This is just a day after this baby has died. Do you think David’s over that grief? Of course not. You don’t ever get over grief anyway. Remember we said, «You don’t get over it, you get through it». So, is he still grieving? Yes. Is he still sad? Yes. Is he still, you know, in a whirlwind? Yes.
I remember writing in my journal about a month ago, «I don’t have to stop mourning in order to start moving». You want to write that down. I don’t have to stop mourning in order to start moving. In other words, if I wait until I feel like moving, I’m not gonna feel like it for a long, long time. And so this step of doing something productive when you have had a major loss, you just broke up with your boyfriend, you had somebody just walk out of your life, you just had something happen to you, it was catastrophic. You got the bad news that your friend or your neighbor has cancer. Something’s happened to you. What you’ve gotta do, at that point, you have to take a first step.
I don’t have to stop mourning to start moving, but it requires faith. Where do you need to take a baby step? What are you afraid to do? What do you know you should be doing, but you’ve been paralyzed and you haven’t done it? I want to challenge you, as your pastor, somebody who loves you, take a step of faith. I want you today to say, «I’m gonna do it. I’m mourning, but I’m gonna start moving. I am grieving, but I’m gonna start growing. I am hurting, but I’m gonna start healing. I am wounded, but I’m gonna start walking. And I am sad, but I am gonna step out». That is the path to peace. When you surrender your fear to God. Give God that thing you’re afraid to do. Grief doesn’t paralyze, fear does.
There’s one more step. The sixth thing David does is this. Keep on loving, despite your pain. Keep on loving even in your pain, in spite of your pain, keep on loving. Now, why do I have to say this? Because when you get hurt, the natural reaction is to pull into a shell, build up giant walls around you. You said, «I’m never gonna let another man hurt me again. I’m never gonna let another woman hurt me again. No way, Jose. That was too painful». And you pull in and you build walls and you build bridges. Yeah, there’s a way to live without pain. Have no love in your life. Love equals pain. Sorry, don’t be afraid of that because the pain actually deepens your love. It makes you a more loving, not less, person when you let it deepen you. The pain that comes from deep love makes your love even more fruitful.
When you lose somebody you love, whether it’s… they move away, they die, or they reject you, it’s heartbreaking. Doesn’t matter what causes it, it’s heartbreaking. And don’t build that wall around you, you got to keep on loving. What do you do when somebody rejects your love? You redirect it. You redirect it, because there are a lot of people in the world who need your love. If you’ve always wanted to have children and you’ve been unable to have children, what do you do with that love? Just be bitter about it? No, there are 137 million orphans in the world that would love to be adopted. You redirect your love. And if somebody turns you off, rejects you, shuts you down, what do you do? There are plenty of people who need your love. You redirect it.
So you keep on loving in your pain and you look at what you’ve got left, not just what you’ve lost. This is what David did. He went back and he loved his wife. 2 Samuel 12, verse 24. The sixth thing David did. «David then,» after worship, after all these other things, «Then David comforted Bathsheba, his wife, and he slept with her. And she became pregnant and she gave birth to a son, and they named him Solomon». And you know what happened to Solomon? He became the wisest man in the world and the wealthiest man in the world and eclipsed his father’s kingdom. Solomon’s kingdom was far greater than David’s kingdom. Far, far greater. And because David did not just shut himself down and say, «I’ll never love again, I’m never gonna be involved in anybody’s life, I’m never gonna reach out». No, no, no. The world was blessed because he gave his love.
I read a quote from Mother Teresa this week. She said this, «I found a paradox. That if you love until it hurts, then there can be no more hurt and only more love». Jesus knows what it’s like to love in the middle of pain. It’s called the cross. Jesus knows what it’s like to keep on loving when you don’t feel like loving. Jesus knows what it’s like to keep on loving when you feel like your love is being rejected. He keeps on loving. 1 John 3:16: «We know what real love is because Christ gave his life for us». In other words, he lost his life for us, «So we have to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters».
This is the path to peace. It is the path of surrendering your pain, surrendering your hurt, surrendering your fears, surrendering the problem, surrendering everything in your life that’s messing up to, «God. I give it all to you». If you read my weekly «News and Views,» you know that two weeks ago on Saturday night, a young mother in this area had decided that she’d had too many losses and she decided to take her life. She had too many losses and said it’s not worth living. And she took a handful of pills and she took a bunch of alcohol and she washed it down with the alcohol and lay down by her one-and-a-half-year-old baby to die.
In the morning, when she woke up, she was even more depressed that the suicide had not worked. And in her despair, she called her next-door neighbor, who happened to go to Saddleback. And that friend, that neighbor, brought that Muslim woman to Saddleback a week ago Sunday. You’re at Lake Forest. She admitted that, as a Muslim, she had never been in a Christian church, and that as a scientist, she had studied science and decided that science and religion didn’t go together. This is one of the biggest myths out there. But she came and she heard me do a message on «What Do You Do When Your World is Collapsing?» and she heard about the hope that is in Christ. And she said, «I wanna know more. I need to hear more». And she felt hopeful for the first time. She left the Sunday morning service, but that afternoon, Sunday afternoon, all those waves of depression and discouragement and loss and feeling alone all came back into her life.
You know what she did? She came back to the Sunday night service. And when she walked in that door, she said to an usher, «I need to talk to somebody». And two of our members talked to her and lovingly led her to surrender her life to Jesus Christ. She came back the next week, that’s last week, took «Class 101,» made seven new friends in the membership class and all seven friends that afternoon came and watched her be baptized. That is what happens when you have hope in your life. I don’t know what you’re going through. I hope it’s not something major right now. Whether it is or it isn’t, you will go through these kind of things in your life and you need to be ready to walk the path of peace, which is surrender. I surrender control, I surrender to your care, I surrender to your love, I surrender the good, the bad, and the ugly.
We’ve all heard the Serenity Prayer, but most people have never heard the whole prayer. We know the first part goes like this, «God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference,» and that’s where it ends for most people. I think that’s all they know. Let me read you the rest of the prayer, «Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardship as the pathway to peace». That’s what we’re talking about. «Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it». That’s accepting things that can’t be changed. «Trusting in your will, that you will make all things right, if I surrender to your will, so that I may be reasonably happy in this life, and supremely happy with you forever in the next. Amen». That’s the rest of the prayer.
Let’s bow our heads. If you’ve never opened your life to Jesus Christ, you need to surrender to him today. Whatever discouragement, whatever depression, whatever fatigue, failure, frustration, or fear you have, you need to dump it on God right now. The Bible says, «Cast all your cares on him, for he cares for you». Say, «Jesus Christ…» say this in your heart:
Jesus Christ, as much as I know how, I open my life to you, and I surrender the good, the bad, and the ugly, in my life. I surrender my fears. Jesus, I surrender my flaws. Jesus, I surrender my failures. Jesus, I surrender my frustrations. I surrender my faults. I give you every area of my life. I surrender my past, I surrender my future, and I surrender this moment, and I wanna walk the path of peace with you. And I pray this in your name. Amen.