Rick Warren - When Your World Collapses
Because world is broken, and we talked about that last week, catastrophes happen to everybody. They happen to you, they happen to the people sitting next to you, they happen to me, they happen to everybody. The Bible says this there on your outline, Ecclesiastes chapter 9, verse 12: "People can never predict when hard times might come. Like a fish in a net or birds in a snare, people are often caught by sudden tragedy". We're just caught out of the blue by sudden tragedy. Things just happen, and you don't plan 'em. You don't know they're coming. They just come.
Now, the first reaction to any rogue wind is going to be shock. Let me show you some examples. The Bible has a lot to say about people in shock. Let me show you some on the screen. Here's a verse from Jeremiah. Jeremiah says, "A horrible and shocking thing has happened". And here's one from Ezekiel. He says, "I sat for seven days, shocked at what happened to me". In other words, he said, "I couldn't even move. I was paralyzed". Here's one from Isaiah. Isaiah says, "I'm in terrible pain. I'm shocked and I hurt so much that I can't hear or see. My head spins. Early evening," he says, "that was my favorite time," 'cause he liked to watch TV. "Early evening, my favorite time, has become a nightmare". He says, "I'm in shock. My head is spinning. I'm numb".
David says in Psalm 143, "I'm in total darkness, like someone long dead. My heart is heavy and I feel numb all over". Now, right now: Every one of us here are in one of three conditions. You either (A) know somebody who is in a crisis right now, like what we just talked about, or (B) you're in one yourself right now or (C) you don't realize it, but you're getting ready to go into one because they happen all the time in life. And you are maybe headed into a crisis that you're not prepared for. A financial crisis, you get laid off. A health crisis, you get the dreaded call from the doctor. The test came back positive. Or a relational crisis, somebody walks out of your life. These kind of things just happen. A loved one dies. And you either know somebody in that situation, you're in it right now, or you're probably gonna be goin' into it in the near future.
So what I wanna do this weekend is I wanna speak to all three groups, regardless of which one you're in. And first, I want us to look at how do you help a friend in shock. Maybe you're not there right now. I hope you're not. I hope you're not in a crisis. But you're gonna know some friends that are in that, either now or in the days ahead, so what do you do? The Bible commands us, if we're followers of Jesus Christ, commands us to help people in pain, to help those who are in shock, to help people who are goin' through a difficult time. Galatians 6:2 says this: "By helping each other with your troubles, you truly obey the law of Christ".
Now, what is the law of Christ? "Love your neighbor as yourself". I've been receiving letters all week. One of 'em just came in yesterday. It was handwritten, and it said, "Dear Rick and Kay, your testimony this weekend touched my heart". He watched online. "You rejected cynicism and accepted grace and had the courage and objectivity to share your journey. Thank you for your example and for turning your sorrow into someone else's hope". "Thank you for turning your sorrow into someone else", I want our church to be famous for people who turn our sorrow into somebody else's hope.
By the way, this handwritten note is from George W. Bush. Yeah. Now, the point I wanna make is that God wants you to turn your shock and turn your sorrow into somebody else's salvation, somebody else's saving grace, somebody else's hope. How do you do that? How do you help a friend who's in shock? Well, you know, as I look back on the last four months and what my small group did for me, they did three things. You might write these down. These are gonna be helpful for you. What do you do when you got a friend in shock? Number one, show up. That's just the first thing you do. You just show up. You don't stand on the sidelines. You don't wait for an invitation.
Now, I know when you see somebody in pain, they've lost their job, they just discovered they've got breast cancer, a loved one died, somebody just asked for a divorce, a lot of times, "I don't know what to say". Okay, let me tell you somethin': you don't have to say anything. In fact, it would be better if you just show up and shut up. You don't need to say anything, so stop worrying, sayin', "I don't know what to say to my friend who's in shock, who's in pain..." You don't need to say anything. You shut up, but you show up. That's the ministry of presence. And by the way, don't wait for an invitation. You just show up. You remember the story of Job, how he lost everything on one day. He lost his health, he lost his wealth, and he lost his entire family to a group of terrorists.
And here's what happened. Job Chapter 2. "When Job's three friends heard all about the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and they met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him". Now, that's a true friend. They didn't wait to be invited. They just set out, said, "Our friend's in pain. We're goin'". When Matthew died, my small group was on the driveway of Matthew's house within minutes. I mean, minutes. And they were all there. And this is a group that I've been in for 11 years. And you know what, I didn't need them to say anything. When you are in deep, deep pain, you don't need words. You need touch. That's what you need. You need touch. And the guys in my group, they just came over, and they were just patting me on the back.
And I was sobbing, and they were hugging me. And they would just stand in there, and they'd walk over for a little bit and be quiet, then they'd come back over and put an hand on my shoulder. I didn't need any words. There were no words to describe the pain I was going through at that moment. I was in shock. That's the first stage of getting through what you're going through. And they were literally there in minutes. And then you know what my small group did? They all spent the night at my house that night. They slept on the floor. They slept on the couch. They didn't go home. They just said, "We're not leavin'. We're gonna be with you all night".
Josh and Jamie's small group did the exact same thing. Amy and Tommy's small group, they rallied around Amy and Tommy. Our family was smothered in love. The people who were closest to us in our small groups showed up when we need them most. And here's the second thing you do for a friend: you share their pain. You share their pain. And this is the second thing that Job's friends did. It says in Job chapter 2, 12 and 13 that Job's friends "saw him from a distance". Remember, they're coming to see him. And before they even get to him, it says "they began to weep aloud". They haven't even got to him yet. They just see him from a far distance, and they're already crying.
"They began to weep aloud. They tore their robes, sprinkled dust on their heads. Then they sat on the ground with them," look at this, "for seven days and seven nights. And no one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was". And I want you to write this down: the greater the grief, the fewer words needed. The greater the grief, the fewer words needed. You're gonna need to use this when people are in pain around you. The greater the grief, the fewer words needed. Now, if, you know, somebody gets a splinter, you can talk to 'em for half an hour. Okay? And, you know, if they had a bad hair day, you can talk to 'em on the phone for 30 minutes to comfort 'em on that. If they lose a loved one, you just need to be quiet. You just need to be there. It is the ministry of presence.
And the Bible says, "Weep with those who weep". And what that means is, people, when they're in this phase, this is just one of the six phases, they don't need words, they need tears. And by the way, remember: when somebody's in pain, the whole family is likely in pain, too. I remember in the last several months when Kay and I and our family would be together, and someone would come up and say, "Oh, Pastor Rick, I'm so sorry for your loss". And I'm going, "Do you not realize all these other people had the same loss"? They're in as much pain as I am. My wife, my kids, my grandkids, my family, my in-laws, they're in the same pain. So you need to realize that everybody's in pain. So you show up, you share their pain, and then here's the third thing you do: you take the initiative.
When you have a friend who's in shock, you take the initiative. The Bible says in Proverbs 3:27, "Whenever you possibly can, do good to those who need it". Now, "do good" means anything. It could be run an errand, offer to babysit, bring a meal, you know, mow a lawn. "Do good" means any practical thing you can do. "Whenever you possibly can, do those who need it".
Now, let me tell you what not to do. Don't say to somebody who's just gone through a major loss, they just got fired, they just got a bad report from the doctor's office. Don't say, "Call me if you need anything". That's about the dumbest thing you can say to somebody in shock because now you've put it on them. They've gotta work to get your help. "Call me if", you're not takin' the initiative. You're forcing them to take the initiative. Don't say, "Call me if you need anything". And by the way, don't even say, "How can I help"? Because when somebody is in shock, they haven't the slightest idea how you can help. When somebody is in shock, they are numb. They are paralyzed. They pick up a newspaper, and they look at it, but they can't even read it. Their eyes aren't even focusing on it. They're just in another... everything is moving in slow motion.
If you've ever been in shock, you know what this is. And so, you don't say, you know, "Call me if you need me," or "What can I do for you," because they can't think of, that's forcing them to think, and they can't think. What you do wanna do is you want to say to these people, you give them options. And some of you say, "I'd like to bring you dinner. Wednesday or Thursday"? Then they got a choice. So you're not sayin', "Can I do anything for you"? Just say, "I'd like to bring you dinner. Would Wednesday or Thursday work best"? You can call and say, "I'm goin' to the store. Can I pick up somethin' for you"? That's practical. "I'm goin' to Lowe's", you know what? Any of you could have called me and said, "I'm going to Costco, Rick, what do you need"? "I want one of those really big safes, and..."
So you make the suggestion. Does that make sense? You don't ask them, "What do you need"? You say, "I'd like to do this for you. Can I do this for you"? Or, "I'm going to the store, whatever you need". Now, I know that some of you who are listening right now here and at all of our campuses and even online, some of you are barely hangin' on. You're in this stage because of somethin' happenin' in your life, and you're kind of going through the motions. And maybe just here, you're just goin' through the motions, comin' to church. I'm glad you're here. I really am. What do you do when you're in a catastrophe? Because some of you are in that right now. Well, I don't want to give you a long list of things to do. Let me just give you two. When you're in this first stage, you need to do two things.
Number one, you need to cry out to God. Cry out to God. This is the bare minimum, two things to do, 'cause this is probably all you can do when you're in shock. Cry out to God. Psalm 50, verse 15, says this: "Call to me in your day of trouble; and I will rescue you, and you will honor Me". You see what that says? That you actually honor God when you call out for his help. Why? Because you are depending on God. It honors God when you depend on God. Lamentations chapter 2:19 says this: "Get up, cry out in the night". Some of you need to do this right now. "Cry out. Cry all through the night. Pour out your heart like water in prayer to the Lord. Lift up your hands in prayer to him". Cry out to God. "God, I'm hurtin'. God, I'm sad. God, I'm sick. God", you just pour out every emotion you got to God.
That's what God wants you to do. You pray. You wanna listen to some praise music or something, but open up your heart to God, that's the first thing you do. The second thing you do is you let others help you. I let other people help me. And when you're goin' through shock, you need to be easy on yourself. Don't be rough. And by the way, never try to make a major decision when you're in shock, 'cause it'll almost always be wrong. So postpone any major decision. If you just go through a major crisis, don't act like it didn't happen. It did. If you just got laid off or whatever happened in your life, don't act like it didn't happen. It did. And postpone any major decision that you can.
When Matthew died, Kay and I were right about a week into a major remodel of our house. And on the weekend, we looked at each other and said, "That would be the stupidest thing in the world to do right now". All of those little, tiny decisions you've gotta make, and we're in shock. So we just said, "No, we're not gonna do it now". We just called all of the contractors, said, "No, we're not gonna do it. We'll do it later. Maybe later, but not right now". Be easy on yourself. Take it easy and accept assistance from others. Let other people come to you. You know, I love the fact that my neighbors took my trash cans out. I didn't ask them to do that, but they've take 'em out and put 'em back. I had neighbors who went and washed my car.
Last week, my neighbor Yasser, who's a Muslim, insisted on driving me to the first service. He said, "Uh-uh. No, I'm not gonna let anybody else. Rick, I'm your neighbor. 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" And so he drove me to the first service. My neighbor did. He said, "I don't want you drivin'. I'll drive you". That's what a friend does. Proverbs 17:17 says this: "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity". What's that saying? The Bible is saying that relationships are best when you're in pain. "A brother is born for adversity". Friends are made for, fair-weather friends show up, you know, it's interesting when you're in shock who shows up and who doesn't. And what you need to do on that is not judge the people who don't show up, 'cause they may be in their own kind of pain. But just realize that real friends walk in when everybody else walks out. "A brother is born for adversity, a friend loves at all times".
Now, I'm saying you gotta let other people help you when you're in this first stage. And the reason why I'm saying this is because your natural reaction when you're in deep pain is to withdraw. Your natural reaction. you get laid off? You don't wanna talk to anybody. You just find out you got breast cancer? You don't wanna talk to anybody. You just had a miscarriage? You don't want anybody to know about it. You just had some major thing happen in your life? It is the human reaction to withdraw into isolation, and that is the exact opposite of what you need. In shock, you need fellowship. Next week, we're gonna talk about sorrow. In sorrow, you need worship. But in shock, you need fellowship. You need people. You don't need people to talk to you. You just need people to show up in your life.
Now, I just want to say this: if you're goin' through a crisis right now, please let us know. Please don't hold it in. Please don't keep it to yourself. This church is here to help you. We are here to help. We have all kinds of group support. We have all kinds of pastors who can talk. We have counselors. We have all kinds of things to help you out, but we can't help if you hold it in, if you keep it a secret. If you're tryin' to walk through your pain by yourself when there's people willing to help, that's not that smart. This church is here for you.
In fact, we wanna pray for you. In fact, I wanna pray for you right now. And I'm gonna ask Kay to come out and lead us in prayer. And if you're going through any kind of pain (financial, physical, relational, spiritual) you are goin' through a tough time right now, would you give us the privilege of praying for you? And what I'm gonna ask you to do... just a minute. You don't have to say anything. Just silently stand, and by your standing, saying, "I'm lettin' everybody know I need prayer". And I'm gonna ask Kay to come and pray. So Kay, would you come right now? And... there she is.
Kay Warren: I snuck up on you.
Pastor Rick Warren: You snuck up on me. All right. Would you stand if you need prayer?
Kay Warren: I know some of you are gonna say, "I need prayers so desperately, but there's absolutely no way in the world I'm standing up". Please stand. We're not very good in church at comforting each other. When you've had a loss and it's been a while, people expect you to be over it and past it. And some of you, you could say, "Well, I can't stand because my loss was so long ago". But for some of you, that wound is so fresh it's as if it was today. And some of you are still glued to your seats because you're embarrassed. You don't want anybody to know. You don't want anybody to see your tears. You're afraid if you stand, you will break into sobs. And I just want to tell you, it's okay. Let's pray together.
God, these brothers and sisters who are standing before you have lost something or someone so dear, so precious, and they are bewildered and bowed down with grief and sadness and shock. They didn't see it coming, it's out of the blue, and yet here has catastrophe landed in their lives. God, this is a holy moment because their grief and their shock matters to you, and it matters to us. And we don't wanna push it aside, and we don't want to tell anybody standing to just get over it, to move on, to look at the future, forget what the past, just keep moving. God, we don't do it, you don't ask us to do that, so may we not do that to each other.
And I pray for these brothers and sisters who were able to stand and say before you and before this congregation, "I am wounded by this pain and this suffering and this shock, and I don't know what to do". So God, I pray that, as their neighbors, we would stand here even in this community and touch. Hold hands, touch the back of somebody, touch their elbow to let them know that they are not alone in their pain and they're suffering. That it's not only you that sees it, but the people in the room here feel it and are touched as well by their anguish. God, your Word so clearly says that many of us plant in tears. God, we have cried. We have watered sickbeds and gravesites and broken relationships with buckets and buckets and buckets of tears. We have planted in tears. But your Word also tells us that we will eventually be able to harvest with shouts of joy.
So as we stand here really vulnerable and authentic before you and before each other, we say that we have planted in tears. Now, God, would you do what only you can do? Would you eventually help us to reap, to harvest with shouts of joy? For some, God, that feels like saying we're gonna climb Mount Everest someday. It just feels so far out of reach, and yet it's not. Jesus, you were a wounded Healer. You were the wounded Healer, and your wounds have provided healing for us. God, with tiny little seeds of hope, we're willing to believe that someday those of us standing, weeping, we're willing to believe that someday, God, we will become wounded healers as well.
I pray that bitterness will not sink deep. I pray that anger will not consume. I pray that doubt and fear and anxiety will not dominate. But for these who are carrying shock and grief today, God, we come to you. We come to you. We bring all that is broken, all that has been shattered, all that has crushed us, and we say, "God, here is what I've planted in tears. Please, help me reap. Help me harvest with shouts of joy". Thank you that you never push us away in our sadness and in our grief and our sorrow, but you draw us close in an embrace, and so we embrace each other. We grieve in community. We experience a loss in community. And in that place, may we find your comfort. In Jesus, our wounded Healer's name, I pray. Amen.
And I pray for these brothers and sisters who were able to stand and say before you and before this congregation, "I am wounded by this pain and this suffering and this shock, and I don't know what to do". So God, I pray that, as their neighbors, we would stand here even in this community and touch. Hold hands, touch the back of somebody, touch their elbow to let them know that they are not alone in their pain and they're suffering. That it's not only you that sees it, but the people in the room here feel it and are touched as well by their anguish. God, your Word so clearly says that many of us plant in tears. God, we have cried. We have watered sickbeds and gravesites and broken relationships with buckets and buckets and buckets of tears. We have planted in tears. But your Word also tells us that we will eventually be able to harvest with shouts of joy.
So as we stand here really vulnerable and authentic before you and before each other, we say that we have planted in tears. Now, God, would you do what only you can do? Would you eventually help us to reap, to harvest with shouts of joy? For some, God, that feels like saying we're gonna climb Mount Everest someday. It just feels so far out of reach, and yet it's not. Jesus, you were a wounded Healer. You were the wounded Healer, and your wounds have provided healing for us. God, with tiny little seeds of hope, we're willing to believe that someday those of us standing, weeping, we're willing to believe that someday, God, we will become wounded healers as well.
I pray that bitterness will not sink deep. I pray that anger will not consume. I pray that doubt and fear and anxiety will not dominate. But for these who are carrying shock and grief today, God, we come to you. We come to you. We bring all that is broken, all that has been shattered, all that has crushed us, and we say, "God, here is what I've planted in tears. Please, help me reap. Help me harvest with shouts of joy". Thank you that you never push us away in our sadness and in our grief and our sorrow, but you draw us close in an embrace, and so we embrace each other. We grieve in community. We experience a loss in community. And in that place, may we find your comfort. In Jesus, our wounded Healer's name, I pray. Amen.