Rick Warren - Making the Hard Changes in Me
Happy Mother's Day everybody. Together, we're going to continue today on our series on Resetting My Life with Part Three. Now, since it's Mother's Day, I want to give a shout out to all you moms at every campus of Saddleback Church. So, today, we honor all you moms at each of our campuses. We love you moms at Saddleback Anaheim, in Saddleback Berlin. We love you moms in Brea, in Buenos Aires. We love you moms in Eastvale, in Espanola, in Hong Kong, in Newport Mesa, in Irvine North and Irvine South, and Laguna Woods. We love you moms in Lake Forest, in Los Angeles, in online, in Rancho Capistrano. We love you moms at San Clemente, San Diego; Santa Rosa, Philippines, and South Bay. And we celebrate all our moms at all our campuses today, and we're celebrating all that you do in our lives. Thank you, moms.
Now, if you pull out your message notes in this series, Resetting My Life, we're looking at the biblical principles for personal change. And these are the principles that you need to know to change any area of your life for the better. You may need to change your connection to God. You may need to change your health. You may need to change your body, your relationships, your habits. You may want to change your energy level. You might want to change your job, your career, your work. You might want to change... a reset in your marriage. You might want a reset in your priorities, in your parenting, or change, transformation in your schedule or your self-confidence, or just on and on.
You're resetting your finances. Regardless of where you would like to see a major change in your life, today, I want us to look at making the hard changes in me. Making the hard changes in me. What I'm talking about this weekend are the areas of your life and your personality that seem to resist all efforts to change. You know what I'm talking about, the stuff in you don't like about you, but it's stubborn. They're persistent problems in your life. You haven't had these for a few weeks. You've had them for years. And the parts of your life that you really don't like about you, but they rebel and they resist at any time you try to change them, correct them, reset them in your life.
Now, on this Mother's Day, I want us to consider two very important questions. First: why is it so hard to change some stubborn areas in my life that I don't like about me? Habits, patterns, ways of relating to people, habitual weaknesses in my life. Why is it so difficult to change those problem spots? And, number two: what does God say it takes to change them? So we're going to look at why it's difficult to change some defects in our lives, and we all have them, and then we're going to look at how.
First, let me give you four reasons why it's difficult to change some of those stubborn patterns, habits, and defects in your life that you don't like. Number one: because I've had them so long. I've had them for a long time. You see, you didn't get the way you are overnight. It took years to get messed up in many areas. And many of your patterns actually were established way, way back in childhood, and those patterns helped you cope with trauma and stress in your early years, when you didn't know how to fight back. Some of your self-defeating patterns were actually survival tactics as a little kid. Now, today, you may realize those don't work. They were self-defeating. They only make the problem worse, those habits and patterns. But you still have them in your life. Why? Because they're familiar. They're like old friends and you know that they're not good for you, you know they don't work. You know those habits and patterns cause problems and conflict, but you're used to them, okay? You're used to them. So some things are hard to change because I've had those problems for a long time.
Second reason: Some things are hard to change in my life because I identify with them. Write that down. I identify with them. And the fact is we often confuse our identity with our defects all the time. We'll say like, "I am a workaholic," or "I am passive," or "I am aggressive," or "I'm timid," or "I'm an overeater," or "I'm lazy," or I'm, whatever. Complete this sentence 10 times, it's just like me to be ... Finish that sentence 10 times and I'll tell you what you think of yourself, what your identity is. It's just like me to be this or that. But those things, those defects, they are not your true identity. They're not your true identity. They are hiding your true identity.
Now, when you see yourself in certain ways, what happens is you set up a self-fulfilling prophecy. You say I'm always nervous on planes. Well, guess what's going to happen? You're going to be nervous on planes. And unconsciously, sometimes we fear, "If I change, will I still be me? Because I've been this old me for so long, will I still be me or will I be something different"? So some things are hard to change because we've had them a long time. They're old habits. Some things are hard to change because we identify with them even when we know they're self-defeating.
Number three: Sometimes, things are hard to change because they have a payoff. They have a payoff. Now, anytime you do something over and over and over and over in your life, whether it's good or bad, helpful or unhelpful, healthy or unhealthy, there's a payoff behind it, some way. An emotional payoff, a relational payoff. You get rewarded for that defect. You get rewarded for that bad habit in some way. And, listen, whatever gets rewarded gets repeated. That's true in parenting. It's true in the work space. It's true in a marriage. Whatever gets rewarded gets repeated. Listen, we don't continue to do things that aren't rewarded. So even if I'm doing something unhealthy, unhelpful or even self-destructive, there's some kind of payoff in some way and I better figure out what it is because until I know what the payoff is, I don't know how to fight that negative behavior.
Anytime any negative behavior is being repeated by yourself, or by your spouse, or by your boyfriend or girlfriend, by your parents, or by kids, or by somebody at work, there's always a payoff even if it's only temporary. Now, I can give you a thousand examples. It's Mother's Day. Sometimes ... Now, I know none of the mothers here at Saddleback do this, but sometimes mom learns to yell to the kids to get them to come to a meal. "Get down here, kids. It's time to eat. It's time to eat". They don't come, "Kids, it's time to eat". "Get down here, it's time to eat"! And you know what, then the kids show up. Guess what? They have just rewarded the yelling and subconsciously mom is learning yelling works. Nothing else did. When I said it politely, they didn't come to dinner. So guess what? It becomes a habit. "Get down here, it's time to eat".
You see, maybe my defect, maybe my habit, maybe my pattern, that stubborn part of me is masking my real pain. We'll look at that in future weeks. Maybe it's giving me an excuse to fail. Maybe ... There are lots of reasons you can repeat negative self-defeating behavior. Maybe I'm compensating for some unresolved guilt, so I'm punishing myself by doing something I know that's not good for me. Maybe I'm compensating for shame, or for pain, or for fear, or for panic, or maybe I've found it useful to control other people. There are lots of reasons that we often don't know why we do what we do. But when you figure out why you do what you do, then it's going to be easier to change.
Sometimes we do stuff that's negative just because it gets us attention, and if I can't get approval, at least I'll get attention. Kids learn this one pretty quick in life. If I can't get approval, I'll get attention. And they dress in stupid ways and do stupid behavior, and it's all subconscious payoffs for self-defeating behavior. So, sometimes, stuff that I want to change in me that I know isn't good for me, but I still keep on do it, I've done it a long time, I identify with it, and there's some payoff that's allowing me to keep on doing what I'm doing. But there's a fourth reason why some of your stubborn long-term patterns and ways of relating are resistant to change.
Here's the fourth reason: because Satan discourages me. You're not in this battle by yourself. He wants to keep you stuck in a rut. He wants to keep you down. He wants to keep you from becoming the woman God made you to be or the man God made you to be. And one of the things he does is he uses self-doubt, criticism, accusations. Did you know Satan is accusing you constantly with ideas? The Bible calls Satan the accuser. In fact, that's what his name means. Okay? He's the adversary, and he's constantly suggesting negative thoughts like, "You're never going to change. Are you kidding me? How many diets have you been on? This is hopeless. You're never going to change your marriage. You're never going to change your relationship to that child, to that neighbor, whatever. It's hopeless. It's not going to work. You may as well just as soon give up".
Where do you think all that came from? It didn't come from God, it came from Satan. And sometimes you secretly fear. These are all reasons why we have a hard time changing the hard parts in us. Sometimes you fear, "If I rock the boat, something bad is going to happen. My husband and my wife may leave me. People will walk out of my life. And maybe at school, nobody will like me anymore". So these are all things that we have to deal with that keep us holding on the stuff that isn't helpful at all in our lives. So what does it take to change? Well, I introduced this topic last week when we talked about how all change starts with choosing what you're going to think about. All change starts with choosing and it starts in your mind. Every change starts between your ears. Before it changes your emotions, behavior, starts in your mind.
Now, if you miss the first two weeks of this series, you've missed the foundation. So really go back online and watch the first two sessions. But here's what the Bible says. Notice there on your outline. The Bible says in Ephesians 4:21-27. Says this, "Since you have heard all about Jesus and you've learned the truth that is in Him, throw off all your old evil nature and your former way of life, which is rottening through and through, and full of lust and deception. And, instead, there must be a spiritual renewal of your thoughts". We talked about that a little bit last week. "Spiritual renewal of your thoughts. You must put on your new nature because you're a new person", this is a resetting of your life, "created in God's likeness: righteous, holy, and true. So put away all falsehood," that's the lies that you tell yourself, "put away all falsehood and tell your neighbor the truth because we belong to each other. Don't let the sun go down while you're still angry, for anger gives a mighty foothold to the Devil".
Now, in the rest of this message, I want to show you very quickly four biblical principles that you have to follow ... Or biblical principles that you have to follow if you are going to be serious about making changes in your life. Any big changes, or more important, any lasting changes. You can change anything for a week or a day, but I'm talking about changing it for the rest of your life requires four things for lasting personal change. All right? You might write these down. This is what God's word says. First, change requires learning and facing the truth. Learning and facing the truth. Change always starts with truth. You can't have positive change on negative ideas and on lies and mistruths. Change always starts with truth, but there are two important parts of it. Learning the truth and then facing the truth. There are two different things.
Now, let me show you a bunch of verses. Here's one. Proverbs chapter 23, verse 23, "Learn the truth and never reject it". That's the two things, you got to learn it and you got to face it. What's the opposite of rejecting? Facing. It's accepting. It's admitting. It's acknowledging. You learn the truth, but then you also accept the truth. You act on the truth. You acknowledge the truth. A lot of times we know the truth we don't know anything about it. A lot of times we know the truth and we reject it. The secret to personal change, listen, is not willpower. Willpower works for a while, but it wouldn't work for the rest of your life. It's not about pills that you take to change. It's not about resolutions. It's not about gimmick. It's knowing and facing the truth about you, about God, about life, about problems, about your family, about your past, about growing up.
Jesus said when you know the truth, you know this, the truth will set you free. So here's the first problem, because if the first step to permanent lasting change is to learn the truth about me and then accept and acknowledge and face the fact about me is this. We often don't want to do that. We don't want to learn and face the truth. Why? Because the truth is often uncomfortable. Some smart aleck said the truth will set you free, but first it makes you miserable. It's true. It's true. It's often painful to face the truth about me and we would rather stay deluded. We'd rather stay in our little happy, but mythical, it's a fairytale land that everything is copacetic. Everything's great in my life. You know it's not great in your life, but we live in denial and we're not facing the truth.
Isaiah chapter 30 says this, verse 10, " People say," this is thousands of years ago. They were doing this. They're living in denial. "People say to God's messenger..." Now, who's the messenger? A teacher, a preacher, a prophet, whatever. "People say to God's messenger, 'Don't tell us the truth. Just say things that will make us feel good and things we want to hear". This is tickling the ears. "Let us keep our illusions". Now I could really go to town on this verse, but I'll tell you this. If you only watch one channel of news, you're saying, "Tell me what I want to hear". You're not necessarily hearing the whole truth. You're hearing the truth you want to hear and let us keep our illusions because you're afraid to hear an opposing view. You don't want to hear views.
Now, since this is Mother's Day and this verse says, "People say to God's messenger, 'Don't tell us the truth. Just tell us what makes us feel good.'" Since this is Mother's Day, let me say to all you kids, pause, your mom is often God's messenger to you and you need to listen to her. And even when she says something that you don't particularly want to hear, it's not particularly pleasant. Tell me something I want to hear, mom, not what I don't want to hear. When you don't particularly want to hear it, it's still the truth whether you want hear it or not. So you need to listen to your moms and your dad's by the way, because they are often God's messenger to you. I know all the parents sitting back go, "You tell them, Rick. Get them, tell them right now".
Just as quickly I need to say to you moms and you dads, sometimes your child is God's messenger to you out of the mouth of babes. And sometimes God wants to say something to you through that little voice or even that teenage voice. Sometimes God wants to speak. It works both ways, guys. It works both ways. God can use anybody in your life to be a messenger. They may not even be a Christian. They may not even know God. God can still suggest words in their mouth and they're the right thing. Now, anytime we don't want to hear something, well, it's human nature to just come up with some mental barrier or excuse to procrastinate. Because even when we learn the truth, doesn't mean we're going to face it. And so we come up with excuses or questions to procrastinate. This is very common.
John chapter three, verse 11. I love this in the message paraphrase. "Jesus says this, 'I'm telling you the truth. Yet instead of facing the evidence and accepting it, you procrastinate with questions.'" Uh-oh, have you ever used this tactic? Oh yeah. Every husband's used it. Every wife has used it. Every kid has used it. Every parent used it. I'm sure we all have. We use questions to divert facing the truth. Somebody says something that's painfully true and we think of a question to deflect, divert the attention. Okay? So he says, "Don't do that". God says, "Don't do that. Don't procrastinate with questions". Jesus points us out. Now he says, "You need to listen to the truth". So then the question becomes, what is the truth? What is the truth about you? And what's the truth about me?
All right here it is, big surprise. We're all broken. We are all imperfect. We all have defects. We all have flaws. We all make mistakes. We all sin. We all are imperfect. The Bible says there's not a just being on the earth who always does the good thing and never does what's wrong. We all have this in our lives and we see it in ourselves. No, we see it in other people. We want to deny it in ourselves. Now the Bible says this in first John chapter one, verse eight, "When we claim we haven't sinned..." Okay? "When we claim we haven't sinned, we're only fooling ourselves and refusing to," circle this, "accept the truth".
This is the first part of change. I have to admit, I got a problem and the problem is me. It's in me. I can't blame anybody else. This is a bad pattern. It's a bad habit. It's a bad attitude. It's a bad response. And we're fooling ourselves refusing to accept the truth. Now, if you don't get anything else, I say this weekend, get this, in your life, behind every self-defeating defect makes it difficult for you to get along with others or whatever it is. Behind every self-defeating defect in your life is a lie you're believing. Write this down. Behind every self-defeating defect is a lie I'm believing. It's a lot.
That's why it's self-defeating is because it's based on a lie. I'm believing a lie about happiness and what brings happiness. I'm believing a lie about God and what he's really like. I'm believing a lie about myself. I'm believing a lie about my past. I'm believing a lie about other people about my life. I'm believing a lie about what is real success. I'm believing a lie about what's going on in my life right now, what's going to go in my life in the future, my past, my failures, I'm believing a lie about that. This is why the first requirement for personal change to reset your life is to learn the truth and face the truth about myself.
Now, you may not realize it, but learning to face the truth about yourself is the most loving thing you can do for yourself. It's not only the most loving thing you can do for yourself, it's the most loving thing you can do for others. Learning to face the truth about yourself is the most loving thing you can do for God. You say, "Where do you get that"? Ephesians 4:15. The Bible says this, "Love should always make us tell the truth". Then if our truth telling to ourselves to others is based on love, he says, "Then we will grow". Circle that, we will grow. You want to grow? You want to change? You want a new life? You want to reset? You want to reborn? You want to fresh start in some area of your life? And you're going to need fresh starts in lots of areas of your life, many times in life. "Then we will grow in every way and be more like Christ". When?
Well, the first part of the verse, "Love should always make us tell the truth". It's love if you love yourself, if you love God, if you love other people, you need to face the truth about you. So then the question becomes, where's the best source for finding truth? Where do I find the best truth about me? I highly recommend you consult the owner's manual about you. The only way you can know, for instance, your purpose in life is either talk to the creator who made you, he knows your purpose, or read the owner's manual. It'll tell you your purpose. The only way you can know how to overcome the defects that are in you, that are created by circumstances, by genes, by parents, by bad responses, by your choices, the only way is to find out the truth about me is in God's word.
John 17:17, Jesus says this, "Sanctify them by the truth". What is sanctify me? It just means to grow up, to be made like Christ, to be different, to get a reset that you're not the same old, same old. You're sanctified. You're different. "Sanctify them by the truth". And then the second part says, what's truth? "Your word is truth". This is God's truth. The more you get in this word, the more you're going to change. The more you get in this word, the more you're going to be transformed. The more you get in this word, the more you're going to be sanctified. You're going to be made new. You're going to reset areas you want in your life. So when it comes to personal change, a reset of your life, the Bible is the manual for resetting your life and it's going to help you in four very practical ways.
Look at this next verse. It explains the four ways the Bible helps you reset your life when you go, "I don't like the way I'm living right now. It's not working for me". Second Timothy chapter three, verse 16 and 17 says this, "All scripture". That's the Old Testament and the New Testaments, the whole Bible. "All scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true," circle the word true, "to make us realize what's wrong in our lives". It points out what's out of whack. "It straightens us out". It doesn't just point out what's wrong, it shows us how to get back on the path. "And it teaches us to do what is right". How to stay on the path so it teaches us to do what is right, how to stay on the path.
So the Bible does four things. It shows us the path to walk on. Okay. It shows us where we got off the path. It shows us how to get back on the path. And it shows us how to stay on the path. It is God's way of preparing us, the Bible says, "In every way, fully equipped for every good thing God wants us to do". Now I could just spend the rest of the message on this, but let me just say this. This is why a daily, quiet time of Bible reading and prayer is important. If you're going to have change, you got to face the truth. And where is the truth? It's in God's word. If you're not in God's word, you're certainly not learning and facing the truth on a daily basis. It is a mirror that will reflect both the good and the bad and the parts that need changing in you. That's the first step, change, lasting change requires knowing, learning the truth, and then actually facing it. Be willing to, yeah, that's right. You're right, God. Okay.
Number two. Here's the second key principle that we're going to use in this whole series. Lasting change requires new thinking. Lasting change requires new thinking. We talked about this last week, so I'm not going to have to go into it very much, but I just want to reemphasize it because it's a key principle. You aren't what you think you are. But what you think, you are. Say it again. You aren't what you think you are, but what you think, you are. And the battle for change friends, brothers, and sisters is won or lost in your mind. Ephesians 4:23, "There must be a spiritual renewal of your thoughts and attitudes".
Thoughts circle that. Spiritual renewal, where does it take place? In my thoughts and in my attitudes. Where is that? That's all in your mind. So here's how it works. Follow me closely. What you think determines the way you feel. Did you know that? All feelings start with a thought. Feelings aren't feelings in themselves, they're a response to a thought. What you think determines how you feel. And what you feel determines the way you act. So if you want to change the way you act, you want to change your behavior, you want to stop doing some self-defeating stuff, start doing some good stuff, you must change the way you feel. Because feelings affect your actions.
But the way you change the way you feel, you can't just change your feeling. I'm just not going to feel that way anymore. That doesn't work. The only way you can change your feeling is indirectly by going to the root of it, which is a thought. Change the way you act by changing the way you feel, change the way you feel by changing the way you think. How you think, what you think about all the time. Now, there's a Bible word for this process. Changing the way I think, which changes the way I feel, which changes the way I act. It's the word repentance.
Now, most people have no idea the true definition of repentance. When they hear the word repentance, they think of a guy with a sandwich sign and a long beard with a sign that says, turn or burn. You're going to go to hell. You're going to die and fry while we go to the sky. That's not repentance friends. The word repentance is a Greek word. It's the word metanoia. Meta, meaning to change in Greek. Noia means mind. Metanoia simply means change your mind. That's all repentance means. All repentance means is change the way you think. Why? Because if you change the way you think it'll change the way you feel, and the way you feel will change the way you act, it's called repentance. Change the way you think, metanoia. A reverse of my mindset. A U-turn, a mental U-turn, that's repentance, that's metanoia, and that's the way change happens. We talked about that in depth last week.
Now Philippians 2:5 says this, "Let the same mind and attitude be in you, which was in Christ Jesus". Circle mind and attitude. Now again, what you think is a choice. Choosing is the beginning of changing. And when you begin to put on the mind of Christ, and you begin to think like he does, then you will start to see your defects in a very different light. Some of you that just went over your head. So let me say it again. When you change the way you think, and you begin to think God's thoughts, the way Christ sees you, the way God sees you. When you begin to put on the mind of Christ and think like he does, your defects, you'll begin to see them in a totally different light.
Now, we're going to look at this in detail in a future message. But let me just point out one little thing. This is a teaser. Are you listening? Defects are often strengths being misused. The irritating things about you that other people are bugged by, it's often a strength being misused. For instance, if God has given you the strength of discernment, you're going to be tempted to misuse it and be judgemental about everything. It's a strength being misused. If God has given you the strength of being detail-oriented, you notice little details that can be fixed. If you don't use it correctly, you become picky, and unpleasable, and high controlling, and finicky. Nobody wants to live with that. If God has given you the strength of seeing the big picture, not the little detail, the big picture.
If you don't use it correctly, you're going to be tempted to overlook people. And you'll march right over them, you'll walk right over them, you won't pay attention to their feelings. You'll ignore it, because you're looking at the big picture. You can't see how all the people around you are feeling about it. If God has given you the strength of being amiable, you can pretty much get along with anybody, and that's a strength. But misused, you're going to let people run over you. People that you should not let run over you.
Now, one other thing, I want you to write this down. Okay? Everybody take your notes, write this down. My defects are often attempts to meet my unmet needs. My defects are often attempts, bad attempts, but they're attempts. My defects are often attempts to meet my unmet needs. You don't act the way you do out of no motivation. You have needs, now the needs are legitimate. You're just attempting to get the met in the wrong way.
Everybody has a need for respect. Everybody has a need to be respected, but if you don't get respect, as I said, you'll go out and just try to get attention instead. Everybody has a need to be loved, but if that need isn't met, you'll throw yourself at people in a wrong way. Everybody has a need to be valued. But if you don't feel that need to be met, you're going to talk too much. Everybody has a need to feel secure, everybody does. But if you don't let God meet that need, you're going to try to control everything. A defect is often an unmet need being attempted to be satisfied in the wrong way.
Okay. Let's look at the third principle. First principle, remember was, lasting change requires learning and facing the truth. Number two, lasting change requires new thinking. We talked about that last week. Number three, lasting change requires, write this down, community and coaching. The Bible has a ton to say about this, lasting change requires community and coaching. We are not going to get well on our own. You're not going to get healthy by yourself. We're better together. There's some things you're never going to be able to change in your life on your own. There's some problems in your life so big, you need to team-tackle them.
So I got a football team. When you got a player who's so big, no one person can take him down, they have to team-tackle him. You need people in your life who will support you and help you team-tackle some tough areas in your life. You need support. You need a small group. Now it's a small group, a small, not 25 people in it. You can't be intimate. You can't be honest with 25 people. But a small group of 4, 6, 8 at the most, maybe 10 people, small group that you can be gut level authentic with. You don't need to be gut level authentic with everybody. You don't need to tell everybody what you're working on, but you do need to tell somebody.
Ephesians 4 says this, "Put away all falsehood, means to be honest, and tell your neighbor, that doesn't necessarily mean your next door neighbor, it just means your friend, your brother, your sister in Christ, somebody you're close to. Tell your neighbor the truth because we belong to each other". You don't belong to your neighborhood. You do belong to the church of God. Now, circle the word belong. We belong to each other. You can't become without belonging. You can't become what God wants you to be without belonging to his family and being in a small group where you belong.
Now, listen very closely. If you're serious about changing, and growing, and resetting your life, you're going to have to face your fear about being gut-level honest with just a couple people. You don't need everybody to know the stuff you're working on, but the moment you tell one person, you get instant power, you never had in any other way. You get instant relief. All of a sudden you open the closet and the Boogie Man's not as big as you thought he was. Proverbs 28:13 says this, "You will never succeed in life if you try to hide your sins and defects, faults, mistakes, patterns, stuff that everybody else sees, but you're pretending like you don't see. You'll never succeed in life if you try to hide your sins, confess them, give them up. Then God will show mercy to you".
You know, we waste enormous amount of time and energy trying to cover up stuff that everybody sees anyway. You think other people don't see your faults. You think other people don't see your defects, your flaws, your mistakes, your personality quirks. Everybody sees them. We're just pretending. Okay. Our biggest hurdle to holiness is our desire to look good. Our biggest barrier to holiness is the desire to look good. But when you're in a small group of people who are going to love you unconditionally. It's a small group of friends and we've got over 7,000 of them here in the Saddleback Church. You can get a small group. You don't have to look good. The small group I've been in for, I don't know, 20 years, those couples in that group, they know me inside and out. It's not Pastor Rick. It's just Rick.
And there have been times I was so tired, I come in and I felt secure enough, I just fall asleep, because I had such a long day. Nobody worries or wakes me up. Now, that's a good group. All the guys going amen. I want a small group I go to sleep in every week. I didn't say every week. If you're not in a group, you need to get in one. Because lasting change requires community and coaching. Galatians 6:2, "By helping each other with your problems, you truly obey the law of Christ". There are 58 one another's in the New Testament. We love one another, help one another, serve one another, pray for one another. Encourage one another, listen to one another, bear one another's burdens. 58 commands in the Bible, say we're we're to do this with each other. We only grow through community and some things in your life are never going to change as long as you just try to change them by yourself.
Now, lasting change in your life not only requires community, and I'm not saying a big crowd. It's a small group, a trusted group of people who love you unconditionally, not only requires community and the best place to get that is a church, but it also requires coaching. Follow me on this. We always grow faster with a tutor, or a trainer, or a coach, okay. Even superstars need coaches. Every single Olympic athlete still has a coach. Every pro baseball, football, NBA, basketball player. They've got a coach, and the higher up the more they have personal coaches in all kinds of areas. What will the coach do? A coach will help you maximize your strength and minimize your weaknesses.
When you go through the Bible, we see this principle everywhere. Joshua had his coach, his name was Moses. Elisha had a coach, his name was Elijah. Solomon had a coach, his name was David, and David had a coach, his name was Samuel. The 12 were coached by Jesus. John coached a guy, funny name, Polycarp. Polycarp coached a guy in the next generation named Ananias. He had multiple generations of great Christian leaders. Timothy was coached by Paul. I could give you all kinds of examples how you need a coach in your life.
Every Paul needs a Timothy, and every Timothy needs a Paul. Now God has given five kinds of group coaches to the church. And they're in this next verse. It's Ephesians 4, "Christ, gifted some of us to be apostles, and prophets, and evangelists, and pastors, and teachers, so that His people would learn to serve and His body would grow strong. And this will continue until we're united in our faith, and understanding of the Son of God. And then will be mature just as Christ is, and we will be completely like Him". That's what's called a restart. That's what's called a transformation. Now, if you're taking notes in that verse, circle the word, learn and grow strong, learn and grow strong.
If you're serious about your life and working on the hard places that you don't like, that have been tough, the patterns that were set in childhood, you need to get a coach. You can get a training partner. You can need a spiritual coach, a friend, and only has to be one step ahead of you. They don't have to be perfect by the way, coach just has to be one step ahead of you. All right. These are the principles for permanent lasting change. It requires me learning and facing the truth. It requires me to do new thinking. It requires community and coaching. You're never going to change those tough things in your life by yourself.
Finally, the fourth thing lasting change requires the Holy Spirit. This is not something you do with just human energy. Only God can make those transformations in your life. You could make a law that says no more prejudice, no more racism, no more bigotry, but no law is ever going to turn a bigot into a lover. Only God can do that. It's an internal change. Only Jesus can turn somebody's prejudice into somebody who is non prejudiced, and somebody who's a hater into a lover.
Now here's what the Bible says. Zechariah 4:6, "This is the word of the Lord. You will not succeed". Are you hearing this? "You will not succeed by your own strength or power, but by my Spirit,' says the Lord". You can no more transform yourself to be like Christ than you can transform yourself to be a tiger or a leopard. You can't transform yourself on your own power. Willpower is not enough.
Now, remember we said earlier, you didn't collect your hurts, and your habits, and your hangups overnight, and you're not going to eliminate them overnight. It's going to take T-I-M-E, time. It's going to take the rest of your life, but it'll be a slow process. We're going to do a session on this one too, of incremental change. 1 Corinthians 3:18, "As the Spirit of the Lord works within us, we become more and more like Him". It takes the Holy Spirit in your life. "As the Spirit of the Lord works within me, I become more and more like Him".
That's true for you too. It's a gradual step by step incremental process. It's not instant. How many times have you heard me say, "When God wants to make a mushroom, He takes six hours. And when God wants to make an oak tree, He takes 60 years". Question, you want to be a mushroom or an oak tree? I can show you how to become an emotionally healthy, spiritually strong, happy, healthy woman, or man of God. I can teach you how to do that. I can't teach you how to do it quickly. There's no such thing like instant mashed potatoes, instant maturity, instant coffee, and instant holiness. It don't happen. More on that in another message.
Let me just wrap it up by asking you this question. How seriously do you want this? How serious are you about changing for the better in your life? How serious you are about finally dealing with those parts of your personality that you... They irritate you besides irritating everybody else. How seriously are you interested in evicting the fears out of your life, and the worries out of your life, and the self-centeredness out of your life, and the laziness, or the procrastination, and the excuse making, and the anger, and the jealousy. How serious are you about evicting the insecurity out of your life? Do you really want to change for the better? You take these four steps from God's Word. Let's bow our heads. Would you bow your head with me right now.
Father, because none of us is perfect, we all have defective areas in our lives. And some of these are honestly so painful. We can hardly stand or even think about them. Lord, I know every one of us has struggled with patterns and habits, self-defeating behavior and weaknesses, character flaws, defects. Some people here today, they're in a defective relationship that's stuck, it's cold and it's dying. Others are struggling with habits or hurts. And a lot of people here are struggling with the fear of being out of control, and the more afraid they get, the more controlling they become and it just pushes people away from them. Give every one of us the courage to take the first steps to healing right now.
All right, now you pray. Say:
Father, I'm asking you to help me learn and face the truth. I'm asking you to help me to learn and face the truth and I'm asking you to help me to spend time every day in your Word to learn that truth that will change my life. I'm asking you Lord, to help me get in a community and get a coach, find a friend who will help me through the tough times in my life. I know I can't change on my own. I've tried. Lord, I'm asking you to help me think in new ways, like we talked about last week, that I put on a new mind, a new way of thinking about my life and about you, and about the past, and the present, and the future. Lord, most of all I know I can't do this on my own. I need your Holy Spirit. So Holy Spirit, I'm yielding myself to you today. I'm saying, Lord, make whatever changes you need to make in my life starting right now. I'm open, I'm available. I want to change. I can't do it.
"Not by might, not by power, but by your Spirit," says the Lord. If you've never opened your life to Christ, say:
Jesus Christ come into my life and begin the change process. Little by little, step by step, helping me to become the woman, the man that I've always wanted to be. I can't do it on my own, God. I need your help. And Jesus Christ, I'm asking you to save my life and change my life. In your name, I pray. Amen.