Philip Anthony Mitchell - Gems for Him (01/25/2026)
Introduction to the Series
This is going to be a five-week series that we’re going to be in, that’s going to take us right through May to the beginning of June. This will be a teaching series through Proverbs 31, probably one of the most well-known proverbs preserved for us in the Scriptures. If you are unfamiliar with the book of Proverbs, the book of Proverbs is a collection of ancient documents. Twenty-nine of them were written by the ancient king by the name of Solomon, and two other contributors make up the thirty-one chapters of Proverbs.
There’s enough proverbs that you can read one every day of the month for the average month. I recommend it to you as a good exercise. When I was saved at the age of 24, one of the first things I did as a young believer was just read the proverb of the day for that date. Reading the Proverbs over and over and over as an exercise helped me to grow in areas where I was simple-minded, in areas where I was foolish, in areas where I was ignorant.
In fact, Proverbs has the power to move somebody from being foolish to being wise in life. And so there is wisdom in there for just about every area of life. If you find yourself struggling a lot with simplemindedness or ignorance or just want to grow in knowledge, I want to encourage you to make a regular habit of just reading the Proverbs. It’s a great exercise.
Uniqueness of Proverbs 31
Proverbs 31 is a very unique proverb among proverbs for its literary content, for the large block of information that is almost devoted to a singular subject. Perhaps probably the most hashtagged proverb on social media—just about every other profile of a female has hashtag Proverbs 31 woman. There are hundreds of thousands of websites called Proverbs 31, hundreds of thousands of books have been written with the titles Proverbs 31, devotionals that have been dedicated to Proverbs 31, entire women’s ministries that have been born out of Proverbs 31, conferences that have been born out of Proverbs 31.
So it is probably by far the most famous proverb of all the Proverbs, probably the most popular in all Christian circles and blogs and websites. And with all that popularity, it is probably very rare to see anyone teach through the book of Proverbs, let alone an entire series on the book of Proverbs. There are some challenges with teaching a series through the book of Proverbs—issues with inclusiveness and what different theologians feel like it meant, whether it’s literal or figurative and all these different things.
Yet I believe the principles in Proverbs 31 are impactful for both men and women, and I think there’s something to say to both men and women, and I think that there’s nuggets in there for both men and women.
Personal Confession
And I want to make a confession before we dive into this first sermon. As I pray and seek God, I believe that I hear from Him, and I want to make a pastoral confession in front of everybody: this series was not born out of a Holy Spirit-inspired revelation. Gabriel did not come down and tell me to preach Proverbs 31.
I put together my preaching calendar every year a year in advance, and so by the time we roll around Christmastime, my preaching calendar is already finished for the following year, and my sermons are already laid out for a year in advance. This particular series was on the calendar since last year, but it wasn’t because Gabriel came down and said, Philip, you know, preach through Proverbs 31.
But really, I’m doing this series because Miss Lena requested me to do this. So this was inspired by the spirit of Lena. Yes, this was inspired by the spirit of Lena. She demanded that I do a series on this early last year. I told her I’ll get it in in 2017, so I’m honoring my wife right now by doing this.
And until y’all pray for me. And she will also be contributing during this series. And she, like a Washington lobbyist, she lobbied for this series very hard because she cares very deeply about the women in this church. She cares very deeply about the men in this church. She cares very deeply about things that she reads, things that she sees, things that the Holy Spirit is saying to her.
So she demanded that we take some time at church and we talk about the principles found in Proverbs 31. And I’m praying that this short journey we take through this chapter together will inspire your hearts and elevate your perspective. If you’re ready, let’s go ahead and go to Proverbs chapter 31 in your Bibles, iPads, phones, whatever you have.
Gems for Him
And today we’re going to tackle the first nine verses of Proverbs 31. If you read Proverbs, you know that the first nine verses stop short of everything that is really juicy for you. And so you can be expecting the good juice that starts next week. Have you read this? You know that the really juicy stuff begins in verse 10.
But before we get to verses 10 through 31, a lot of people just preach 10 through 31, and I was contemplating doing that, but I said nah, there’s some gems buried in 1 through 9. And so we’re going to tackle verses 1 through 9, and we’re going to title this first message «Gems for Him.»
So I thought this was a proverb about women, but there’s some gems for him before we even talk about ladies. I’m going to talk to some brothers this morning. Should have brought your boyfriends like I told you, brought your husbands. The singles are depending on me this morning—don’t put that much pressure on me. The singles are depending on you, Pastor—don’t put that kind of pressure on me. I’m just a man. We’re dependent on God’s Word this morning. Gems for Him.
Let’s go ahead and pray.
Prayer
Holy Spirit, we thank you for the preservation of this Word, for the wisdom, God, that is buried in this Word, the opportunity for us to open it and teach it and to gather. Spirit, come against every hindrance. Thank you, God, that you are arresting the attention of every person. Thank you, Lord, that you will inspire us through this topic. As a multiplier for me, may a word prevail. According to the book of Acts, may a word prevail, the number of disciples increase. In Jesus' mighty name we pray, amen.
Thank you so much, gentlemen. Thank you. Can I just give it up for these men behind me?
Cultural Narratives
So you and I live right now in a time in which a lot of cultural narratives are defining a lot of things for us. That if we pay attention right now to magazines in stores, if we pay attention to social media, if we pay attention to sitcoms and movies and things we watch on television, if we pay attention to songs and everything we see all around us, we see that culture has a tendency to create narratives for us that oftentimes many people buy into.
Certainly those who are outside of God’s wisdom easily buy into those narratives because for the most part they have nothing else to hold on to. But even in Christendom, even in the context of the church, a biblical community, a lot of us who call ourselves the people of God, we also find ourselves buying into those cultural narratives.
And no doubt the proliferation of social media helps to spread those narratives. A lot of them are founded in falsehoods and lies. We see those narratives even showing up in the conversations around kids. That if you get around middle school kids, high school kids, it doesn’t take long to listen to their conversations and see how easily they have bought into the cultural narratives of our day—the things that they think are worthy, the things that they think are wholesome, the things that they think that they need, the things that they watch on YouTube.
We see even kids in middle school and high school—they are certainly buying into the cultural narratives. And without guidance, there is really a bent in us all, as men and women, to just go downstream with those cultural narratives. That without guardrails, without any type of better influence, without anything challenging those narratives, it is very easy for us. And we have a natural bent because of our sin nature to just float downstream with those cultural narratives—that whatever the world defines, we just have a tendency to buy into that as fact.
And right now culture has a tendency to define manhood and define womanhood. Culture tells us this is what a man is and this is what a woman is, this is what a good relationship looks like, this is what a good marriage looks like. And culture has done a very good job of creating those narratives for us.
Cultural Definitions of Manhood
Culture tells us, for example, if you’re a man, you got to have bravado, and you’re defined by the car that you drive, the house that you live in, how many shorties you’ve knocked down, how many women you banged, how many cheeks you’ve been between, how many numbers you racked up. God help you if you’re a man and adult and you’re a virgin—man, you’re not cool, man, what’s good with you?
Men, boys are shamed if they’re in high school and they’re still a virgin—like what’s really good, what you doing, you ain’t knocked nothing down yet, brother? And culture likes to tell men that they are defined by how many women we’ve had or what we drive or how we live or how much money we have in our bank account.
Culture tells us that, man, if we have power walk and if we have status, then we’re really men. On the way to church, man, I was in the right lane and a dude was in the left lane—he was trying to race me. And I’m competitive by nature, so I mean, don’t judge me, but I was keeping up with him. My driver '07 Maxima—he was pushing a Benz 500, AMG custom, Biturbo, had the wings on the side—he was giving me the business.
And when we got to the stoplight, I was just looking at his car and I was peeping out his rims—like that joint is really tight. And in a moment I could start feeling some kind of way about my Maxima—like he’s a better man than me because he got a Benz 500. And the Holy Spirit had to check me—like did you remember what you’re going here to preach this morning? I’m good with my Maxima with no rims and my '07 with no wings and they don’t have the turbo engine. But does that Benz really define him? Does my Maxima really define me?
But the cultural narratives tell us that it’s these external things that really define us. It tells women you’re defined by those three digits—you’re 36-24-36, how wide those hips are, how big those breasts are. We’re going to surgeons to make that backside look better. A lot of women feel the pressure to be defined by shape, the pressure to be defined by hair texture, the pressure to be defined by how good your weave is—whether it’s human hair or not hair or if it’s Indian or whatever.
The pressure to be defined that you don’t got a man and why you still single and what’s wrong with you and why you can’t get a man. And all that pressure and the cultural narratives. And then we go on social media, especially Instagram, and we see images of people’s perfection—we see their cars and their houses and their abs chiseled in the gym and she’s twerking from the back. And it creates a pressure on us to try to conform to these cultural narratives.
But yet the Word of God keeps telling us and the Word of God keeps warning us and the Word of God keeps exposing the lies of these cultural narratives. That every time we peer into God’s Word, it keeps exposing the follies, the errors, the lies, the emptiness of these cultural narratives.
And what we keep seeing in the Word of God are these constant invitations from God into a life that’s more wholesome, a life that’s more fruitful, a life that’s not defined by cultural narratives, a life that pushes back against cultural narratives. That’s what we see in God’s Word. And what we have in the Word of God is a collection of wisdom to help us live a life above the lies of the cultural narratives.
The Other Proverbs 31 Woman
Now Proverbs 31 is famous for its depiction of a virtuous wife worth pursuing and a woman worth modeling. And we see a picture of that virtuous woman in verses 10 through 31—those 22 verses which we start next week. But for all of the preaching and all of the books and all of the conferences, all of your hashtags dedicated to the Proverbs 31 woman, there is another woman in Proverbs 31 who’s sitting just in the background of the text.
She gets no hashtags, she gets no shine, she gets no fame, she gets no glory. We rarely see anyone talk about the other Proverbs 31 woman. We never see anyone preach about her. Yet she’s sitting just in the background of the text. She’s often overlooked by many people. Yet she is the silent, iconic, historic figure who truly contributed to the masterpiece of Proverbs 31.
Who is she? What did she have to say? What was her primary target audience? Let’s find out who she was. Proverbs 31 beginning in verse 1 says this: The sayings of King Lemuel—an inspired utterance his mother taught him.
So Proverbs 31 was written by a man named Lemuel. Now historically we know very little about Lemuel. If you go research who he was, you will find very little about Lemuel. What we know about Lemuel is that he was a king. We know that he was from a royal family. We know that he sat on the throne for a particular period of time. We also know that his name means devoted to God, so he obviously was dedicated to the Lord at some point in time in his life.
But I want you to notice where he acquired what he wrote down in Proverbs 31—that King Lemuel did not write Proverbs 31 from some insight that he got for himself. But I want you to notice where he got the inspiration for Proverbs 31. It was an inspired utterance of God through the other Proverbs 31 woman—who is she? His mother.
His mother. And what do we know about Lemuel’s mother? Well, we know that she was the ghostwriter of Proverbs 31. We know obviously she was a great woman of wisdom. We know that she was probably a woman of character. We know that whether she was in the Jewish lineage or whether she was converted at some point in time, she served Yahweh—she served the God of Israel, she served the God that we serve.
We know from upcoming verses that she was a woman of prayer, she was a woman of deep devotion, she was a woman that walked closely with the Lord—as she would not have gotten this utterance. We also know from other texts that obviously she cared about the life of her son.
The ghostwriter of Proverbs 31 was a woman, not King Lemuel. She is the other Proverbs 31 woman who gets no shine at all on hashtags or from people. And what she left behind was great words of inspiration for both men and women.
A Mother’s Cry
Now before we get to the virtuous woman of 10 to 31, I want you to hear the cry of this wise mother to her son. Verse 2: Listen, my son! That means she is shouting this—that means she’s saying it with force—that she is saying listen, Lemuel, my son. Lend me your ears and let me have your heart, and I want you to listen carefully to what I’m about to say.
Look at what she says next: Listen, a second time—son of my womb. So now she takes their adult relationship all the way back to the womb. You know you had a real mama, especially a black mama, when she starts reminding you where you came from. Anybody ever had a mother like that? You know you had a real mother when she starts reminding you where you came from—she brought you into this world.
Listen, she says, my son—listen, son of my womb. Look where she says the third time: listen, son of my vows—or the answer to my prayers. So now she is reminding him that he was God-sent. She says listen, son of my prayers—that I did not just have you, I had trouble having you, I prayed for you, I covenanted with God for you, I made vows for you.
She is reminding him, Lemuel—she’s reminding him, man, brother, you were sent by God. So now she places the advice she’s about to give him next in the context of purpose. Now what I’m saying—she’s not just coming out the side of my neck—but Lemuel, when I’m about to say to you next is in the context of the purpose for which you were born. Listen to me, listen to me, listen to me—three times she says to him listen to me.
She’s begging for his heart, she’s begging for his attention, she’s begging for his obedience. She’s warning him not to ignore what I’m about to say to you next. She is laying guardrails to protect him from something he cannot see. She’s doing what? Showing her son—let me give him wisdom that he probably does not have right now.
She says listen, my son—listen, son of my womb—the answer to my prayers. And then what she would begin to lay out next is a timeless masterpiece of wisdom for both men and women. And Lemuel, writing what his mother gave him, he in a sense immortalized this unknown mother, preserved her wisdom in eternity, preserved her wisdom for the annals of history. And to this day we’re still learning from her wisdom. Gems for him.
Warning Against Waywardness
Listen to what she said to this young man next. Verse 3: Lemuel, young man, brothers—lean forward—do not spend your strength on women or your vigor on those who ruin kings.
She said, my son, first thing I want to say to you: don’t spend your strength on women, your vigor on those who ruin kings. Isn’t this countercultural to the cultural narratives of today? She says don’t spend all your energy being a hoe, don’t spend all your energy amassing digits of how many women you slept with. Lemuel, don’t spend all your strength in whoredom and waywardness.
Lemuel, she said don’t spend all your strength doing that. But why would she say that to him? Because in the ancient times in which she spoke, it was culture and customary for kings to amass for themselves great harems of women—multiple, multiple, multiple women. And this would cost large amounts of money.
I wonder how many brothers have already gone broke, have suffered great financial loss amassing great harems of women. Man, that will drain your energy, drain your resources—it will suck life from your soul. In fact, the Scripture tells us that Solomon, a great king, had 700 wives and 300 concubines—that in the 40 years of his reign he had more than likely slept with a thousand women, had conversations with a thousand women, had to deal with the drama of a thousand women.
Man, I’m just—I’m 13 years working with one. Can’t do 1000 of them. A thousand of them. And she’s warning Lemuel—don’t give all your strength to that lifestyle. But the world says otherwise. And the world tells men—the more women that you have amassed, man, the more bravado that you have.
And so men, we like to find our worth, our identity in how many women that we sleep with. And she’s saying son, don’t give yourself to those things, Lemuel—because she knows things that we oftentimes know not to have experienced by nature.
First of all, listen—that although we celebrate that culturally, man, it’s a trick of the devil to lead men into a life of emptiness. The thrill of knocking down one woman after the next after the next after the next is pleasurable for a season—different size, different shape, different height, different color—it’s pleasurable for a season.
But on the back side of that, man, it creates damage to the human soul that leaves people needing healing from a lifestyle of waywardness. And truth be told, for men that amass a lot of women and sexual partners, oftentimes they have very difficult times having the moral and emotional capacity to love one woman.
There’s so many men struggle with monogamy because of the images and the memories of the tens and twenties or fifties of women that they had. Then the women suffer the pressure of being compared to memories—and she can’t put it down like that one I had in '94, stomach is not flat like the one I had in '02, and she can’t do tricks in the bedroom like the one I had in '05.
And for a lot of men they are suffering silently because they have to wash all of that out of their soul. But culture tells our young men to rack up all those women. But the Scriptures come against that narrative.
So she tells Lemuel—obviously who cares about the future of her son—and where she’s going next: don’t spend all your strength amassing numbers of how many women you have, don’t spend all your time doing that, Lemuel. She’s pleading with her son not to use his kingship and his authority to finance waywardness, not to waste his life in vanity and immorality.
Because she knew what a lot of men we see or some of us have experienced by nature—that we know one of our biggest downfalls, things that have brought so much damage to so many men, is a lifestyle of being reckless in our pursuit of women or dealing with the wrong women.
We think about how many men that have been damaged by a lifestyle of just being reckless when it comes to women. King David lost a throne because of what she’s telling him not to do. Solomon lost his faith because of what she’s telling him not to do.
Solomon, who was the wisest man that ever lived, comes down to the end of his life and abandons Yahweh, the God of heaven, because he’s caught up in the false gods of one of his concubines. So the wisest man to ever live ruins the end of his life and loses his faith because of recklessness with women.
And the greatest king that ever lived lost his kingdom because of recklessness with women. Because obsession with gratifying lust distracts focus and it undermines good judgment.
And so this other woman of Proverbs 31, this mother, is pleading with this young man Lemuel to be a man of higher standards, to go against, Lemuel, the culture of what kings are doing in your day, Lemuel—because I see a better future and path for you, Lemuel.
It is the love of God to send an external voice into our life to tell us don’t go that direction. And so she’s pleading with him to be a man of higher standards.
Warning Against Vices
And look where she goes next. Verse 4: It is not for kings, Lemuel—it is not for kings to drink wine, nor for rulers to crave beer, lest they drink and forget what has been decreed, and deprive all the oppressed of their rights.
And so now she’s pleading with him: Lemuel, not only do I want you to avoid having a life of immorality and waywardness—believe me, Lemuel—I want you to avoid having a life that’s dependent upon vices. I want you to avoid being a drunkard, Lemuel.
Now the Bible does not condemn drinking—even in Psalm 104 it says a little wine makes a man happy. So there’s nothing wrong with a little wine, a little bottle for the celebration. But when we’re stumbling over the table and we waking up next to people we don’t know their names, or we didn’t pay our rent because we was drunk the day before, or lost something that was important to us—but we are governed in all of our decisions by a bottle of whatever you want to name—she said Lemuel, don’t be given over to that stuff.
I want you to have a sober mind so that you would have good judgment and clarity, Lemuel. I want you to avoid being taken down by drugs and vices, Lemuel.
Look what she says in verses 6 and 7: Give beer to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish. Let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more.
So now she’s using words of sarcasm: let people who are dealing with pain nurse their pains with drugs and alcohol. But Lemuel, I want to warn you not to use vices to cope with the pains of life.
She’s trying to tell her son—she’s trying to tell this man—Lemuel, I want to warn you not to use vices to cope with the pains of life. For how many men right now, including myself from our past, we have vices to cope with the pressures of life.
When life gets hard we run to a bottle, when life gets hard we run to a drug, when life gets hard we run to a mistress, when life gets hard we run to pornography, when life gets hard we run to vices—things that temporarily satisfy the soul, that temporarily take us away from the pain.
But when it wears off it will eventually betray us. And all it does—if we keep running to vices to cope with pain—all it does is betray the opportunity for us to face head-on the problem that we’re unwilling to address.
I could nurse a pain with alcohol or I could confront it head-on and deal with it. I could nurse my past with alcohol or I can learn to get over it. I could nurse a problem with a drug or I could learn to get over it.
Obviously she wanted him to be dependent upon something else—that for the believer we should never be dependent upon vices to cope with pain. But for the believer the only things that we should be leaning on to cope with the pains of life is the Word of God and the presence of God and the wisdom of God and prayer and the strength of the saints who are around us.
You know what happens to the life of a man who finds strength in prayer instead of a bottle? You know what happens to the life of a man that finds strength in prayer instead of a drug? You know what happens in the life of a man that when he’s aggravated, man, instead of being tempted to click and watch, he gets down on his knees and says God help me right now—he drops the phone, says God I’m not gonna look at that, Lord help me right now, God—and he refuses to click and watch.
He may stumble and fall, brothers, on Tuesday, but he falls back on his knees on Wednesday. He may stumble and fall on Friday, but he’s back on his knees on Sunday. And the more he keeps coming back to his knees and back to God’s presence and back to God’s Word and back to God’s people and back to God’s wisdom, he begins to develop a dependence on the only One and thing that will truly keep him in the days of trouble.
That vice might satisfy the pain for a moment, but when I’m done clicking and watching I still got to go back and face that trouble. So she’s pleading with him: Lemuel, can we just be honest—don’t be a hoe, don’t be a drunkard, and don’t depend on any vice to cope with your pain. Be free from the pendulum things that will betray you to cope with your pain.
Because men, we don’t like to talk about what’s going on in our hearts, and so we run to dark vices. And anything in the dark is an area for the devil to traffic. That’s why you should bring everything to the light—have an accountability partner, bring things to God in prayer. Man, don’t keep anything in the dark—if you can’t bring it to someone, bring it to God Almighty. But any areas of darkness is a lane for the devil to traffic.
Man, we all are struggling with something—give it to God. He’s tough enough to handle your problems. He’s not ashamed of your problems, men—He already knows about all your insecurities, all of your lust issues, all of your problems. He’s not ashamed of all of that. He would much rather you run to Him in your weakness than keep that in darkness.
You much rather depend on Him for confidence than depend on some vice that will betray you and betray me. She said let them do that—because you could drown your sorrows with alcohol and other vices, but that anesthetic, once it wears off, we still have to deal with the problem.
Call to Purpose and Justice
Now why is she drilling Lemuel about waywardness and drunkenness? Is it only about women and alcohol? No—it’s much deeper than that. Look at verses 8 and 9: Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.
Why is she talking to him? Because historically in the ancient world, even in the ancient world, kings had a duty to defend those who are less fortunate than others, to defend those who were marginalized. Kings had a moral duty to defend those who were weak and could not defend themselves.
And if you study ancient culture, you’ll see that almost no kings had ever done this. And from one empire to the next empire to the next empire, you almost never see kings in the annals of history actually defending the poor and taking care of those who are less fortunate.
What was she telling King Lemuel? I want you to be set apart from what culture has defined kings are supposed to be. I want you to distinguish yourself from other men. I want you to separate yourself from other men. Let history dictate the foolishness of other kings, but when they come to your name, let them see a different kind of man.
That let history tell about amassing harems of other kings, but when it comes to you, Lemuel, let them see you with the capacity to love one woman. Let history tell about the follies of other men, but Lemuel, for you, my son—because you were born with purpose, my son—men, separate yourself from the cultural narratives of our society.
That when the world is looking for hope but they can’t find it in the cultural narratives, where else can they look for hope? That’s why even in our black communities where our role models—why so many men are jacked up now—because we had no role models in the home, we have no role models on television. Who has the role models? In the pulpit.
She’s telling him: Lemuel, let me remind you of your kingly duties—that your kingly duties is not to use your authority to amass women and to be drunk, but rather use your kingly authority to exercise your purpose and duties. She’s calling him to live a life of purpose, men. She’s calling him to a higher standard, men.
And if I was a woman, I would want this for my man. I would want this for my husband. I would want this for my brother. I would want this for my son. Are we teaching our sons this? Are we challenging our boyfriends in this?
How many women right now—because they have no standards—we see the opposite of what she’s saying to Lemuel operating in men, and we just think man, God will get it together if I just give him a chance. But we should be calling our men—if we love them—to a higher standard.
Your sons—we should be calling them to higher standards. Your brothers—calling them to higher standards. Your boyfriends—challenging them to higher standards. Shut down the buns and make them come to a higher standard. Lack of buns might force him to come to a higher standard or push him out because he had other ulterior motives.
We should be challenging our husbands to come to higher standards. If we really love our brothers in Christ, we should be challenging them to the highest standards.
And I know the men are not going to say amen because we love the cultural narratives—we love multiple women, we love being drunkards, we love running from purpose. We love it because it’s easier to bang women and smoke a blunt than it is to be accountable to purpose.
It’s much easier to rack up hoes and blow L’s than to be accountable to purpose. Yes, I said that. It’s much easier to lay down and get up with multiple women and succumb to vices to avoid reality than it is to deal with the accountability of purpose.
And it’s much easier to be like everybody else. It’s much easier to be like every other brother. It’s much easier to act like every rapper, every athlete. It’s much easier to be like all of those cultural narratives than for one person to stand out and say no, man.
That’s why there’s a young brother in our church—his name is Nick Mason—and I love that young brother. And Nick Mason just ran for an office at his college at Georgia State—a secular office, king of the court—the only Christian brother in the whole pageant. And he runs because he wanted to have a platform for a friend who died from depression. He wants to have a platform to speak about depression and to declare the glories of God and spread the gospel on a secular campus.
So God moves on my wife and I to get involved in that process, and brothers and sisters are praying for him. And then Danielle, our church office assistant, she ends up making it, and then she puts on her Instagram a clip—you know what was in her clip? The clip of his victory when he won the pageant.
And you know what he did? You know what he did that I love? We need more men like this, man. He took—they put the crown on his head and put the sash on his shoulders. Nick took that crown off his head. Nick took that crown off his head and he held it up—he said this right here is for the Lord Jesus Christ.
Somebody you can put your hands together for that. If we can’t celebrate anything else, we can celebrate a young man taking a stand for Jesus on a secular campus. I thought I had a church in here. I thought I had some believers in here who are serious about the spread of this glorious gospel.
I wish some ladies would shout yes, man—that’s what you want in a man. That’s what you should be praying for and trying to cultivate in your sons. That’s what I’m fighting for Malachi to be like as you’re raising him—be like man, he took that crown off. I will wear this crown for the glory of Jesus.
And you know what happened in that secular environment with all them unbelievers in the room? The room erupted. Praise—you know who got glory in that moment?
Invitation to Higher Standards
I feel like throwing my shoe at Nick right now. I don’t know how to shout, but if I could I would shout—if I knew how to do it. But I feel something. I’ll go old school Baptist on you right now like your grandmother used to—grab her hip. I feel like setting out a two-step and even ought to do it. I’m from Queens—I was raised in the hood. I wasn’t raised in the American church—I was raised in the street. I don’t want to do it, but I could—I’ll sit on one right now all in front your face.
And what did Nick do in that moment? He separated himself from the cultural narratives of what the other men thought. When she’s crying out to Lemuel—focus on purpose, then separate yourself, then raise your standards, men—come up higher. Then come out of whoredom, men. Don’t depend on vices, men.
And every time we keep falling down, men—get back up. And that failure is not falling down, men—failure is staying down. God is inviting us to a higher standard, men—to teach our sons who are watching us, men—and the women who need us, men—and the wives who need us, men—and the girlfriends who need us, men—and the homes that need us, men—and a society that needs us, men—and the music that needs us, men—and the fields that need us—and the basketball courts that need us, men—and the pulpit that needs us.
They need us to rise up, men. Women need us to rise up. Stop passing on them what is our responsibility. We need role models, men. Ladies, help me—shall rise up, men. Men, shout I will. Don’t look at your husband if he’s next to you right now—don’t be like don’t do that and encourage him—don’t turn him down.
She said Lemuel, be courageous enough to have a voice for those who don’t have a voice for themselves. Be courageous enough to be devoted to moral causes that are beyond your self-interests. Be courageous enough to use your power for the care of those who are less fortunate.
She’s pleading with him to protect and guard himself from the perversions of kingship—to be a man of virtue, to be a type of salt and light like Christ was pleading with His followers.
I see this in my wife who is always—I always roll up on her and I can hear her all the time talking about Malachi—now you know when you go to school you are a leader, Malachi. When you go to school you know that you are different, Malachi. You know that you are smart, Malachi—you’re intelligent, Malachi. You were born with a purpose, Malachi. Your daddy and mommy are not raising you to be like everybody else, Malachi. And focus on your grades, Malachi.
And she’s always drilling him like that. And I catch my son doing stuff like holding the door open for women and being honorable towards women and being a young man of character. And all this mother is doing is trying to steer her son towards being a man of character.
She’s trying to protect him from the three common downfalls of men. You know what they are? Women, vices, and misuse of power—the three common downfalls of all men. That’s what she’s trying to protect him from—women, vices, and the misuse of power.
In fact, if you want to test the character of any man, just give him access to one of these three. You really want to test the character of any man in any season—give them access to women who will give them ego, give them access to vices, give them access to power. Those three things will always test the character of any man.
And then when we fall as a result of any of these things, we gotta get back up. These three test the character of all men—all men.
Men, I want to give you something—and I’m going to shut this message down. You just write this down for you. What she’s really getting at is this point: a man who is wise will guard himself from or mature out of a life soiled by debauchery.
A man who is wise—that means you have a choice—man who is wise will guard himself from or mature out of a life soiled by debauchery. Debauchery is being guided by just senseless pleasures, sensual pleasures—that we are led by the head beneath the waist or the flesh.
A lot of us were born in this—I was born in this, a harlot my whole life—but I had to mature out of it. Some of us maybe we could just keep ourselves from it. You’re not less of a man if you’re a virgin. You’re not less of a man if you haven’t had a lot of women. You’re not less of a man if you’ve never got twisted or got drunk.
We don’t have to follow the cultural narratives of the day. She’s trying to keep him from the cultural narratives of what other kings were doing and calling him to purpose.
Character Before Pursuit
And before I shut this down, I just had to throw this in here for where we’re going next week. I saw another principle—when I thought about this, it was like a light bulb for me. It’s a light bulb moment from Lemuel.
I want you to notice how she’s drilling him about his character before she goes on to talk about the kind of woman he should pursue. I’m closing the sermon down—everybody look at me, look up here. I wanna drop this little principle on you.
I want you to notice what she’s doing—because she is the one who told him about the virtuous woman. Lemuel didn’t know what a virtuous woman was—she told him what a virtuous woman was. All he did was write it down.
But notice she’s drilling him about his character first before she tells him the kind of woman to pursue. Because what good would it do for this wise mother to tell this young man about the type of woman he should pursue if he does not have the moral and mental and emotional capacity and character to keep her when she comes or if she finds him.
You know why? Another statement: often the greatest element to a potentially rewarding relationship is not just finding the right person but being the right person. Because you could find the right person, but if your character is flawed, you will mess up that relationship every time.
You want to have a great relationship? Don’t just spend all your energy looking for the right person—spend your energy becoming the right person. Because if you become the right person, two things happen: you could protect yourself from bad relationships, and if a good person comes, you have a better chance of keeping that good person.
Before she says anything to him about the virtuous woman, she’s checking him about his character first—so that if he finds the virtuous one—because verse 10 says a wife of noble character who can find—that should Lemuel find the virtuous woman, she wanted him to have the character to sustain the relationship.
You know the common misconception of Proverbs 31 is that our culture thinks it was written for women. If you study Proverbs 31 in its context—historically in the context of Jewish culture—this proverb was not written for women. The entire thing was written for men.
And next week I’m going to teach you something that’s going to shock you. This was written for men—challenging us to come up high on our standards. I have an idea what type of woman would be a blessing to us for all the days of our life should God call us to a relationship.
Now God has called some to be single—be devoted to Him. And if God is calling us to a relationship, we should be working on us first. We have no right to put demands on what we want from a woman when we’re unwilling to work on our own character first.
Closing Challenge and Prayer
And I want to say to all the men in the room, all the men watching me—we know the cultural narratives of our day. We know them well. We know what all the ballers and the rappers and—we know all the cultural narratives of our day. We idolize them—and they got diamond pieces but dozens, power, money, respect with Biggie.
And hear the external voice of the Holy Spirit like this other Proverbs 31 woman beckoning to us to come up higher. Men, God—listen—this is not God’s best for us. These cultural narratives—that a life of waywardness, a life of immorality, a life of drunkenness—these cultural standards—that’s not God’s best for us.
That God has something better for us, men. That God in His Word invites us to something better, men. That God invites us to higher standards. He invites us to greater character. He invites us to be standouts in our communities and our homes and our campuses, our jobs.
Then you know what’s sexy to a real woman? Not debauchery. And if your woman loves debauchery, man, I’m praying for you. But you know what’s sexy to a real godly woman? They don’t want debauchery—they want a man that can lead them, and they want a man with standards.
Because I’m telling you, one of the greatest things that will ever happen for any man is the development of character and the growing awareness of purpose—increase of standards that separates them from cultural narratives.
For those who are in Christ—and God is calling us higher. As a consequence, really this whole thing was written to you. There’s some men who are married frustrated with your wife—but she just reacting over what she’s getting. And maybe if we took a look at the person in the mirror versus before we put demands on the person we’re sleeping next to, the marriage would change.
That maybe instead of using women as soulless toys to satisfy urges, we’ll see them as created in the image of God worthy of pursuit and respect. And brother, that’s how you feel God’s favor—you have the respect of people, doors will open.
And even if you struggled in standards, man, you die a man of character and integrity, and you leave behind a great legacy for people to follow—sons and daughters to admire. And if we mature, we want this. It is only the immature man that does not want to change.
While we give props to the Proverbs 31 woman that we’re going to be talking about over the next four sermons, let’s honor the other Proverbs 31 woman—the mother with wisdom, grace, character—who by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit left behind great gems for all men to follow—standards that women should be praying for and cultivating in their sons, looking for in a mate.
A mother like Jesus calling us to highest standards. So if you’re a single man seeking a woman—what type of woman would be worthy of your pursuit? What type of woman would be a blessing to your life?
If you’re a woman single or married—what kind of woman would God want you to emulate or become? To the parents of little daughters—what should we be training them to be like?
My wife and I are going to unpack some powerful principles in the four sermons that’s coming behind this one. Proverbs 31.
Final Prayer
Eternal God and wise Father, we thank you, Father, for the truth of Scriptures, the truth of your Word. We thank you for these incredible gems of wisdom you have left behind for us in your Word. We thank you because we feel the Spirit right now moving all around us.
And Father, I pray for every man right now under the sound of my voice—if you begin to bring healing to our hearts where we have been broken, where we are suffering with crippling insecurities, where we are struggling with the pull and the lure of the lies of the cultural narratives of the world, where we are looking for identity in things that are betraying us, where we want so desperately to find help in our shame—to run to somebody else.
God, for the brother right now that is drowning in these lies and insecurity—will you help him? Will you help us in our struggles right now where the enemy, God, is trying to derail us from our focus upon you and from purpose? God, would you help us where we’re being distracted, God—Lord—by waywardness and immorality and women like traps the devil is trying to use to lead us astray? God, would you make us wise? Would you give us the strength to say no now? Would you give us the wisdom to see the beauty of your invitation to a life higher and to a standard higher and to the blessings, God, of walking close to you—with the opportunity for living a life the most wholesome?
God, would you cause us to desire that? Lord, as men—Father—when we crave after you and when we desire, God, to leave a legacy behind us—that we transform, we change, we find wisdom and we run after her, grab hold of her and love her all the days of our life.
Going to pray for us brothers struggling, God, with lust, pornography and drugs, women insecure—all manner of things. God, just help us. Father, help us not to see this as a verbal beatdown but help us to see this as an invitation to come closer, higher.
I pray a blessing over every man under the sound of my voice—we will be Proverbs 31 men, sitting ready to lead, love, find, train Proverbs 31 women. In Jesus' mighty name I pray, amen.
And Father, I pray for every man right now under the sound of my voice—if you begin to bring healing to our hearts where we have been broken, where we are suffering with crippling insecurities, where we are struggling with the pull and the lure of the lies of the cultural narratives of the world, where we are looking for identity in things that are betraying us, where we want so desperately to find help in our shame—to run to somebody else.
God, for the brother right now that is drowning in these lies and insecurity—will you help him? Will you help us in our struggles right now where the enemy, God, is trying to derail us from our focus upon you and from purpose? God, would you help us where we’re being distracted, God—Lord—by waywardness and immorality and women like traps the devil is trying to use to lead us astray? God, would you make us wise? Would you give us the strength to say no now? Would you give us the wisdom to see the beauty of your invitation to a life higher and to a standard higher and to the blessings, God, of walking close to you—with the opportunity for living a life the most wholesome?
God, would you cause us to desire that? Lord, as men—Father—when we crave after you and when we desire, God, to leave a legacy behind us—that we transform, we change, we find wisdom and we run after her, grab hold of her and love her all the days of our life.
Going to pray for us brothers struggling, God, with lust, pornography and drugs, women insecure—all manner of things. God, just help us. Father, help us not to see this as a verbal beatdown but help us to see this as an invitation to come closer, higher.
I pray a blessing over every man under the sound of my voice—we will be Proverbs 31 men, sitting ready to lead, love, find, train Proverbs 31 women. In Jesus' mighty name I pray, amen.
I know we bout to leave, but I just feel the Spirit of God say: my son, I see your struggles. I see your past. I see your tears of frustration, insecurities. Don’t run from me, my son—run towards me. I have greater for you, son. I have greater purpose for you, my son. I’ll heal your heart from bitterness, from anger, from frustration, from what you’ve witnessed, my son.
I see—I’m not mad at you. I love you. I don’t know who I’m talking to, but I hear the Spirit of God saying there’s someone right now—some brother—I’m not mad at you. I love you. I know you may not believe everything that I say. I know you may not understand everything the Word says about me. But my son, come closer to me and I will reveal myself to you. My son, come closer to me and I will reveal things to you. My son, come closer to me and I will lead you to a life you have no idea what I have prepared for you.
It’s okay if you don’t believe right now. It’s okay if you don’t understand right now. It’s okay if you have doubts right now—just keep coming close, my son. The Spirit of God saying that to some brothers—it’s okay. There’s a brother here—you need to know it’s okay. Your struggles—it’s okay. Your debauchery—it’s okay. But don’t stay there—come closer to me, my son.
I feel that in my spirit. God said it’s okay—it’s okay not to be okay, but it’s not okay to stay that way. Come closer, my son.
And I cover some brother—run to the Father and not away from the Father. Men, He loves you—calling you higher. Even if you don’t understand—run to Him and get around men who are running with Him.
You know what—if you’re near a man, you just—just touch him. I just want to obey the Holy Spirit. Ladies, or maybe there’s a brother next to a brother—just touch each other. Just somebody touch a man—such a man. Every female—just touch a man if you’re next to him—touch a man.
Brother, these arms that are touching right now—symbolically let it feel like Jesus touching you. And where a father did not affirm you—hear Jesus affirming you, loving you, touching you, beckoning to you, calling you, healing you, summoning you. Feel that touch—let that hand be the hand of God upon you, brothers. Jesus.