Peter Tan-Chi - Engage Your Family
Our topic today is what? Engage the family. What does it mean to engage the family? To engage the family means what? Have you heard of the word «EFAD»? EFAD means «Every Family a Discipleship Group». I’ve seen teenagers disciple their parents. I’ve seen children impact their parents and vice versa. Believe it or not, you have the greatest influence in your family. Believe it or not, you have influence. It may not be the greatest, but you have influence. All of us are part of a family. I’m not just talking about a physical family. I’m talking about your spiritual family. I’m talking about your family in your office, in your workplace.
My whole point is simply this: to engage the family, it is the stewardship of relationship and influence, and discipleship begins where you are. That means discipleship begins at home because that home is where the rubber meets the road. A true Christian, the spirituality of anybody is revealed, is exposed at home. Spirituality is developed at home. You live with people everyday, and you need to learn how to be Christlike. I’m going to give you principles from the Bible Why is it important? Why is the family important? The answer is very simple. When the family begins to fall apart, when the family declines, civilization declines. No exception.
And that’s why you see, Satan is attacking families. It’s a pandemic to the epidemic. 25% of children are now growing up in single parent homes, single mom, single dad. Very sad. Imagine 25%. The Philippines is not far off from that. Divorce. I don’t even need to discuss it. Broken families. The reason why the divorce rate is not reaching a higher percentage than 50% is because many couples have decided we will not get married anymore. We would just live in. What I’m trying to say is this Satan is attacking the family and this is no exception. Even Christian families, even the families of pastors are being attacked. So, you can see why this topic is crucial. Engage the family because discipleship begins where? At home. How do I impact the family? Why is that important?
Let me first introduce to you a family in the book of 1 Samuel. His name is Eli. He’s a priest. «…Now the sons of Eli, Hophni and Phinehas were priests». (1 Samuel 1:3) So, this guy was a priest; his children were priests. What enters your mind? Priests. Are they good people? Should be, right? One chapter later, look, «Now the he sons of Eli were worthless men; they did not know the LORD». (1 Samuel 2:12) How in the world can that happen? I realized that a father can pass on a career; you can pass on an occupation; you can pass on religion; but you don’t pass on Jesus Christ. See the children did not know God. How can you be a priest and not know God? Religion. Look at the next verse, «In that day I will carry out against Eli all that I have spoken concerning his house, from beginning to end. For I have told him that I am about to judge his house». (1 Samuel 3:12–13)
God made Eli, the father, responsible and accountable «for the iniquity which he knew, because his sons brought a curse on themselves, and he did not rebuke them». (1 Samuel 3:12–13) Is it possible, parents, that you are so busy with your work that you don’t know what’s going on in the lives of your children? Is it possible that you are the last to know what’s happening to your children? You have to disciple your family because you have relationship and you have influence. Young people never think that you don’t have influence. I’ve seen young people, because their lives were so transformed, the parents were shocked and the parents ask, «What’s happening to you?», and they begin attend Bible study also.
So how do you impact your family? The best verse I can give you, the best verses is Deuteronomy chapter 6. Let’s read together and I’ll share with you principles on how to Impact your loved ones. Are you ready? But first, let’s look at the Bible, together, let’s read, «These are the commands, decrees and laws the LORD your God directed me to teach you to observe in the land you are crossing». (Deuteronomy 6:1) This is now the final journey; they are going to enter the Promised Land; and God told Moses, «You need to prepare the people, not just to enter the Promised Land; you have done that; but how do they live in the Promised Land»?
The land of milk and honey is one thing, but how do you enjoy the land of milk and honey? It has to do with what? Teach them the commands. Read the next verse, «…so that you, your children and their children…» Notice, it has something to do with generational discipleship, families. «…after them may fear the LORD your God as long as you live by…» Everybody, read. «…by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life». (Deuteronomy 6:2) Wow! God’s heart is for people to enjoy long life, not just long life, read the next verse, «Hear, Israel, and be careful to obey so that…» Everybody, read. «…so that (What?) it may go well with you». (Deuteronomy 6:3)
Do you not see the heart of God? He wants you not just to enjoy a long life, but that it «may go well with you». (Deuteronomy 6:3) You see, most people don’t understand the heart of God because they don’t know the heart of God; they do not know the purpose of God when He tells us to obey. It is not to kill your happiness; it is not to control you, to restrict you; it is to guard you, to help you, to put boundaries so that you will not mess up, so that you will enjoy long life, and you will enjoy what God meant your life to be. It is for your good. Most young people don’t like commandments. They don’t like rules because they never understood the purpose of God’s rules. The purpose of God’s rules are very simple — for me, my protection, to maximize what He wants me to accomplish. It’s for your good.
So, how do you do that? Let’s read the next verse, «Hear, O Israel! The LORD is our God, the Lord is one»! Everybody, read. «You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. These words, with I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart». (Deuteronomy 6:4-6) God is talking about the heart. What kind of heart? Love God with what? All- how many times did the word «all» appear? How many times? «Love God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind». (Deuteronomy 6:5)
Many times we fail God; we don’t love Him 100%, and you and I think that it’s okay not to love God 100%. It is not okay, because God loves you 100%, but you don’t love Him 100%. You see the nature of love, if you love God 100%, you learn to love others even more. Love is never diminished, but you got to love God how many percent? 100%. Well, this is what is discipleship all about. It has to do with the heart. You got to teach your disciples, your children, to love God. If you love God, you will obey Him. If you love one another, you won’t cheat; you won’t gossip; you won’t backbite, provided, you love. So how do you teach them? Let’s read together. «You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up». (Deuteronomy 6:7)
This verse tells you the secret of discipleship. Number one, you got to model, teach them diligently. You have to model, notice, when you sit, when you talk, when you rise up, when you walk, when you lie down. It has to do with what? Modeling. It has to do with relationship. You have to spend time together, relationship, It has to do with intentionality. So three important words I want you to learn today. To impact anybody, follow the MRI principle. What is MRI? Today, medically speaking, it’s called magnetic resonance imaging, right? To see inside. You want to impact the inside of your children, of your parents, the heart? Use MRI. What is MRI? Number one, you model. Number two, you build relationship. Number three, you have to be intentional.
Let’s go to the first principle. What does it mean to mdoel? Children, copy us either positively or negatively. They copy you. Your disciples are copying you. Your officemates are copying you. Whether you like it or you don’t. they copy you. The Bible is very clear. The principles of discipleship. «Be imitators of me just as I also am of Christ». (1 Corinthians 11:1) That’s it. Be a model. The power of modelling is so crucial. To give you the example of this principle, I have asked Edric, Joy, and their son, to share with us the principle of modeling.
Remember, modeling is not perfection. Modeling is about authenticity. When they make a mistake, humble yourselves. Modeling is admitting when you make mistakes, and all of us will make mistakes. Modeling requires you to be present with your family, you be intentional, and you have to give them time. So this is the principle that I like you all to have in modeling, it’s a sobering truth. «You must be what you want your children (or your disciple) to be because they will become what you are»! And I praise God for my wife. My wife is one of the best model when it comes to respect and submission to authority. And you will notice all my children, they respect authorities. Honey, thank you for modeling and thank you for your forgiving heart. My wife forgives me every day. Praise God.
Now, relationship. What is the principle of relationship? The closer the relationship, the greater the influence. Who invented this idea? Jesus! Look at Mark 3:14, everybody, read. «And He appointed twelve…» For what purpose? «…so that they could be with Him». (Mark 3:14) You need to build relationships. No time together, no relationship. For what purpose? «…so that… He could send them up». (Mark 3:14) That’s why the Bible warns you and me in 1 Corinthians 15:33, everybody ready? «Do not be deceived: 'Bad company corrupts good morals.'» (1 Corinthians 15:33)
So my question for you is this: who are the best friends of your children? Who are they spending time with? Do you have good relationship with them? Because if you don’t have a good relationship with them, you are not going to influence them. Notice, the principle of relationship. Let’s read together, number one, to build relationship. «The power», everybody, read, «The power of influence is proportionate to the closeness of the relationship».
The closer you are, the greater the influence. The closer the children are to their parents, the less they’re influenced by their peers. I guarantee you, your classmates, your friends, they will want to influence you, but if you are close to parents, they will have the greatest influence. Vice versa. The more peer-oriented the children are, in other words, their life, they are so close to their friends, to their peers, the less they would be influenced by their parents. So simple. You want to disciple people. That’s why we meet regularly, at least once a week. Without meeting, how will you influence your disciples? To give these illustrations, I asked my son Paul and his daughter Allana, to come. It’s so true.
The importance of having close relationship makes all the difference when you’re trying to influence your family member or the people in your life. And I want to just take this time to thank my mother. You know, growing up, I went to a Chinese school, and then for three years, my mom pulled us out of school and she homeschooled us. And that is a lot of time with us as siblings, and those are some of my best memories of school growing up when my mom homeschooled us. So, thank you, Mom, for pouring into our life and for building relationships. You truly have impacted our lives. And and my father, though he was a very busy man, this is something very simple that we can all do. He had started a real estate company and started the church at the same time. He would come home for dinner and so my mom would make us wait for my father so we could have family dinners.
And that’s one way that our family developed close relationships. You know, when you have close relationship, you’re willing to share vulnerable things that are going on in your life. I remember when I was struggling in wrestling, with pornography, I could actually go to my parents because I had a close relationship with them and shared to them because I knew in their heart, like my dad shared with us earlier, that He truly and my mom and my dad truly loved me and truly what’s best for me. And the same thing with God. God really loves me, loves you, and he wants what’s best for you. So why wouldn’t I be willing to share if I’m struggling with something? But if there was no relationship, I would not share that with my father.
So I want to thank you, Dad and Mom, for building a close relationships with us through the family dinners and when we could, we would take a vacation, just our family. And then once a week, we would do devotions. And my dad actually used those devotion nights, not just to build relationships, to help teach us children how to teach the Bible through one verse. So thank you, Dad and Mom. My daughter Alana, she’ll share with you also how we have tried to do that in our family. Hello, everyone. Growing up, my parents were intentional and spending time with me. My dad would play with me and read me stories, but for some reason me and my mom clashed when I was younger and I used to argue with her a lot.
So my dad decided that it would be best for me and my mom to go on a trip together, just the two of us. And during this time I was really able to spend quality time with my mom and we grew closer. Now, I can freely say that me and my are close and our relationship is strong. This doesn’t mean it’s perfect relationship, but if we make mistakes, we both try to ask for forgiveness right away. She is now the woman that I look up to as a family. We try to have family dinner together where we can just talk about our day and just life, about life in general. And we made it a rule to have no phones at the dinner table so we don’t get distracted and can have meaningful conversations as a family. The relationship my parents built with me, did not stop when I was young. They continued to be intentional and spending time with me.
Today, my dad sometimes brings me to my early morning volleyball practices and me and my mom go shopping together sometimes. These are a few things my parents have done that have helped our relationship stay strong. Please keep praying for our family as we are all a work in progress. Thank you. Thank you. Alana, you heard from Alana. And if you see our family photo, there’s actually three other siblings, and Caleb was with us this morning, but this guy, Andrew, he’s the youngest, he’s ten years old, and about three weeks ago, we were, Jenny and I, were going to a family retreat, and before we left, my son came up to me and he just broke down.
He said, «Dad, I don’t feel like I can talk to you». I said, «Why not»? He said, «You’re so busy». He said, «Do you remember the time that I wanted to show you a song that I wrote? And you said that you would come to the piano and hear me play it». He said, «Dad, you never came». And he was just in tears, and I was deeply impacted by that; and I share that with you because we’re all works in progress; and when I heard that, I praise God that my son, because we do have a relationship, could share that with me and I could pivot my life and make adjustments so that I could actually spend more time with him, and that’s the beauty of what we have here.
You know, all of us are works in progress, and I praise God that a long time ago Jesus Christ intercepted my dad; because if it wasn’t for Christ, we wouldn’t have this family. Through my dad and my mom, they’re raising a family that genuinely loves the Lord, and this is all by His grace, and I want to give you that vision, too, for your life and for your family, that through Jesus Christ, in your intentionality, your family can also have a Christ-centered relationship. So keep praying for us. And I praise God for this principle of building relationship. Back to my dad. The reality is time flies. I do remember when they were young. You have only one shot and opportunity with your children. They grow up very fast.
Now my grandchildren are even taller than me. My friends, you need to make time to develop relationships. Number three. Intentionality. What do we mean by intentionality? Let’s read this together. Good results seldom happen by chance. They are a by-product of intentionality. That means you need to plan; you need to be purposeful; you need to be deliberate. Most parents, most of us are not intentional. You don’t live life purposefully. It is haphazardly, accidentally, incidentally, randomly, you can’t do that. Life is too short to waste. It’s precious so be intentional in whatever you do. My friend, intentional, that that’s the heart, and I have asked my son and his daughter to come and give us an example of what does it mean to be intentional. Let’s welcome Peter and Teagan.
It’s never too late to become better. It’s never too late to change. As we close, I’d like you to ask yourself what legacy will you live behind. Sooner or later, you and I will be gone. You have a legacy, good or bad, whatever it is, you will leave something behind. Question, I want you to think about it now, ten years from now, 20 years from now, 30 years from now, how do you see your life? How do you see your family? Think about it. May I suggest live a purposeful life, engage loved ones, engage the family. What are the principles today you have learned? Number one: Model, say that with me, Model. To impact lives, you model, you practice what you preach, not perfection, authenticity. Number two: relationship.
Do you want to impact people? spend time with them, build relationships. You cannot disciple people without spending time with them, and that’s why we have Dgroups. Relationship. And number three: intentionality. You have to be intentional. Don’t play games. Life is short and I want to pass on a legacy of Christ-centeredness. I want all my children to know Christ and to love Him and to proclaim Him because that has eternal values. Living house and lot, living businesses, that’s secondary. What is important is a legacy that will last for eternity. Let’s bow our heads and pray. If God has spoken to you and you are humble enough to admit how can I pass on something I don’t have if you don’t even have Jesus, if don’t love Jesus, how can you pass that? and I want to pray for you, if you are willing to humble yourselves, you want me to pray for you, raise your hands. You need to know Jesus and you need to love Jesus. Pray this prayer with me:
Lord Jesus, I humble myself before You. I really don’t love You. I don’t know how to love You. But today I realized You do love me. I want to love You. So Jesus, change my heart. Draw me to You. I humble myself. I am desperate for You, Jesus, and be the center of my life so that You can be the center of my family, and You’ll be the center where I work. Your presence.
Lord Jesus, I now pray for everybody here that You make yourself real in our midst. Now, we live a life that will glorify Your name. Our motive is always pure to glorify You and not to exalt ourselves. In Jesus' name we all pray, Amen and amen.