Peter Tan-Chi - Teach
We would love for you to join us in worshiping God. together. As we continue our series on MOTIVATE, let me remind you what we have been through M-O-T-I-V-A-T-E:
M: Role Modeling, kids copy us, people copy us.
O: Open Communication, learn to listen so you know what is going on in your heart.
T: Time. To influence people, you need to put in the time.
I: Intimacy. Develop deep relationships.
V: Vision. Without vision, the people perish.
A: Affirmation. We need encouragement from each other.
T: Train. We discussed it last week. Today we discuss part two of the letter T, namely Teaching.
Remember the eight principles related to influencing the hearts of those we love. How to influence them for long-term change. Today I want to focus on Teaching. What are the principles of Teaching? Teaching Principles: lifestyle teaching principles by intentionally internalizing values. Pay attention to the words: "on purpose", "lifestyle", "teaching". We teach through our lifestyle not just our words. It internalizes values. Look what the Bible says: In Ephesians 6:4, the Bible tells us: "And you, fathers, do not stir up anger in the hearts of your children, but educate them in the teachings and counsel of the Lord".
I want you to pay attention to the following. First: "Gentlemen". The Bible does not say that mothers have no role, but generally, fathers believe that their work outside the home and inside the home is the mother's job. The Bible tries to remind, especially fathers, that it is our responsibility not just mothers. What do we need to do? "Do not arouse anger in the hearts of your children". This is an order. Simply put: "Don't make your children angry". How do we make our children angry? Colossians 3 discusses the same thing but uses different words. Colossians 3 says: "Fathers, do not offend your children, lest they lose heart".
So how do we make our children angry? Can I share? I'll give an example. When you yell at your children, when you curse, when you use harsh words, when you act outrageously, when you always correct your children, also when you act hypocritically. That's how we make our children angry. The Bible tells us, what else do we need to do? Pay attention to our responsibilities as parents. "...educate them in the teachings and counsel of the Lord". "Educate" comes from the word "nurture". Grammatically it is always "educate them". This is an order. Maintaining comes from a word similar to "gardening". You provide fertilizer, you provide necessities. That's nurturing. You have to educate the children. How?
The Bible says be educated in "the teachings and counsel of the Lord". Pay attention to these two important words. Precept is the origin of the word training, exhortation is the origin of the word warning, you tell them beforehand. Today I want us to learn how to teach our children for life changes. We have to take responsibility. You can't let go. You should not think it is society's job to train and teach our children. This is not school work and not even church work. Parents, you and I must take responsibility for teaching our children. It is very important for you to understand that it is better to build up a boy than to fix up a grown man. So start early. Take this responsibility.
There are five things you should intentionally teach your children and your students. First: Identity. Who are you? This means a relationship with yourself. Second: Family. Relationship with family. How to treat family members. Friends. Relationships with friends and marriage. This is important. World. Relationship with the world. How to prepare them to face the world. And next week we discuss God, relationships with God. How did this come true.
Let's talk about the first one: Identity. Why is identity so important? Who are you? How do you see yourself? If you don't know who you are, you will let the world determine who you are. Why is this so important? Because who you are has an impact on your behavior. Who you are will help you understand your life mission, your life purpose. If you don't know who you are, you will feel insecure and you won't know the purpose of life. For example, if you see yourself as an athlete, you define your identity as an athlete.
Let me ask. What if you lose the match? If you are injured and told to stop playing? What if the coach doesn't want to use you anymore? Your world will be rocked because you see yourself as an athlete. For some people, the most important thing is money, possessions, position. I remembered what happened in 2007. One of our friends was a billionaire and he lost a lot of money. You see, as he grew up, his identity was that of a successful businessman from a wealthy family. And when he lost a lot of money, by the way he still had the status of a multimillionaire who could live well all his life, but because of his identity, he became so discouraged that he gave up hope, became depressed and finally he committed suicide. Your identity is foundational, it is crucial.
Who are you? What is your identity? It's important for you and me to understand who we are. So if anyone asks me "Who are you", I don't answer that I am a pastor. First of all I am a follower of Jesus. Then I can say that I pastor a church. Or "I am a follower of Jesus" and then you can say "And I am a mother". "I'm a follower of Jesus, I'm a child of God, and I work in a bank". So what you do doesn't define who you are. Who you are in Christ is your true identity. So don't feel intimidated or pressured by the way the world defines who you are. You are worth it. You and I are children of God. We are followers of Jesus. That's who we are.
If you don't know who you are, you will let others determine who you are. The result is a feeling of insecurity. That's why one Facebook executive said the following: "We have created a tool that is tearing apart the way society functions". Can you imagine if your identity was defined by the number of "likes" and "dislikes"? This causes a lot of problems. And this executive saw the problem. He regretted developing software like that. How do we teach identity well? I praise God that the Bible is so clear. Here is what I like to say to my kids. I tell them that they are valuable, that they are unique.
In Psalm 139, let me read: "For it was You who formed the fruit of my loins, knit me together in my mother's womb. I thank You because my events are terrible and wonderful; wonders what You have done, and my soul is truly aware of it". The Bible says you are valuable. You were created "terribly and wonderfully". 1 John 3 teaches us who we are. I tell my children that the Bible says: "See what great love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God". I tell children that they are precious and they are God's children. Once you know who you really are, this will impact your behavior. Your identity in Christ is very important.
If you don't really know who you are, if your identity is not rooted in Christ, if your identity is based on what people say about you, you will be insecure, you will be very sensitive. You will be easily irritated and you will be easily discouraged. That's why many people are depressed, that's why many people want to commit suicide. Why? Because of feelings of insecurity. You need to know the reality of who you are in Christ. You find your worth not in possessions, not in things, but in the truth of what God says about you. My self-worth, my identity is because of Jesus and what He has done for me.
Next I want you to learn to teach them about family. Why is family important? Here's the reality: Like it or not, you only have one family. Family is important. A family should be a center of comfort, a shelter for our children and for family members. Family should be a place where there is a sense of security, unconditional love, and unconditional acceptance. Family is very important because the family must also be a center for encouragement, as well as a place where they can be replenished, spiritually and emotionally. Most importantly, the family must also be a training center. What is a training center? Family is a place where you need to teach them how to interact with other people.
Matthew 7:12 "Everything you wish that people would do to you, do likewise to them". Pay attention to moral standards. Treat others as you would like them to treat you. When we teach our children, do you know how they memorize this verse? They changed it. Do you know what they changed it to? "Treat others as they treat you". Jesus was proactive. He said "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". Wow. Where will they learn this? In the family. In the family you learn to love each other, in the family you learn to forgive each other, in the family you learn to respect each other and in the family you learn to accept each other. That's love in action. The reality is this: most of us treat friends better than family members.
Ask yourself. When you are laid to rest at the funeral home, who will stay with you until midnight? Family members. I teach our children to learn to be grateful for things that cannot be changed. What are the things that cannot be changed in life? There are certain things you can change. Of course, if you can change it for the better. But there are certain things you can't change. For example parents. You can't change your parents. So you need to thank God for your parents. Appreciate them. What about your brothers and sisters? You can't change them so thank God for your brothers and sisters. What about your gender? Thank God that He created you that way.
If you are a man, be grateful. If you are a woman, be grateful. What about your race, your skin color? Thank God that He created you that way. Psychologists have found that happiness and gratitude have a direct relationship. If children don't learn how to love each other at home, learn to be grateful, they will most likely become problematic. Maybe some of you come from dysfunctional families. You might say "Peter, I wish I was in a loving family".
Can I tell you something? The reality is that you can play an important role in making an impact on your family. Be a thermostat, a positive influence on family members. Even better than that, I have good news for you. God created the church. Your spiritual family. Are you part of a discipleship group? Are you part of a small group? That's why it's so important for us to be part of the discipleship group at CCF. We must be part of a discipleship group where a family atmosphere can be carried out in a family environment. Are you part of a small group? Did you know that your spiritual family will last longer than your physical and worldly family?
I remember last week, my wife and I said "Happy birthday" to someone because this person came from a broken home. God touched my wife's heart so that she would try to be like a mother. We gave him a gift and greeted him. I realized that's how God's church should be. We must be brothers, sisters and spiritual parents to each other. The greatest family in the world, believe it or not, is the family of God. I tell people that CCF is one of the largest or even the largest families in the world. Wherever you go, what do you notice? You meet someone and they say they're from CCF then you reply "I'm from CCF too".
There's a bond. You know why? That is a spiritual bond. What about your family? Did you know no family is perfect? No parents are perfect, no children are perfect. Let me propose you to learn to respect each other. Don't be negative, be a positive influence on your family members. Remember this principle: God + you can influence parents, can influence siblings What about friends? Most parents fail here. And most disciplers fail to teach their students about the importance of friends. Friends will influence our lives positively or negatively. The Bible is very clear.
In 1 Corinthians 15:33, the Bible says: "Do not be misled: good company corrupts good habits". Take note. Don't be "misguided" and don't be stupid by thinking that your friends will have no influence in your life. This is not true. The Bible emphasizes this very much.
Friends will influence our lives positively or negatively. We teach our children to choose their friends. You need to learn the importance of choosing friends. I remember many years ago when my son entered high school after completing independent schooling at home. He came home from school and told us there were two groups trying to befriend him. One group is roller skaters. Not that all roller skaters are bad, but this group is underappreciated, somewhat eccentric, they may tend to be rebellious. The type of music they listen to may be more worldly.
Then there is another group, namely athletes. At that school, certain grades were required to enter the athlete program. They must be good students. Praise God for my son. He said "Father and Mother, I have made a decision, I will choose athletes and children who study diligently as friends". You see, God created us to be social creatures, God created us so that we could live with other people. But if you don't teach your children how to choose friends, you will be doing them a disservice.
My advice is for you to get to know their friends and help kids influence their friends. Don't be neutral in this matter. As a result, my son became a player on the school team. As a result, he almost graduated as the best in his class. Why? Yes, I believe in God's influence but also what kind of friends I hang out with.
Friends are important. Teach your children how to choose friends. My daughter has important principles, especially when it comes to "boyfriends". It's not very practical to have a boyfriend in high school or college. Do you know why? Because they are not ready to get married. And my daughter wrote the following, based on her own experience.
Five freedoms you would experience if you weren't dating. First: Freedom from Distraction. Why? Because you can focus on studying. You can focus on doing important things, if you have a boyfriend, your attention will be divided. Freedom from unnecessary pain. Nowadays, many young people get serious about each other and then when they graduate from high school and start college, they break up. This is unnecessary pain. Freedom from isolation. I remember my son telling one of his best friends what happened.
He was an incredible athlete but he chose to have a girlfriend early in high school. He started isolating himself, every free moment he had, was spent with his girlfriend and he neglected everything else. Freedom to develop God's gifts and pursue God's will. You have more time to focus on the gifts God wants you to develop. You can learn to play music, you can learn to paint, you can be more active in sports. There are many things you can develop yourself. Freedom from immorality and its consequences. Many Christians, young men and women, do not plan to commit immoral acts. But if you have a girlfriend and spend a lot of time together. Time. Place. The danger is that you will fall into immorality. That's why it's so important to take care of yourself.
That's why it's important for us not to have an exclusive relationship too early. If you're not careful, when you let your guard down, you'll be alone in a place with your partner and if there's time, there will be temptation there. It 's okay to have a relationship, but not an exclusive one. Going on dates together, meeting other people, getting to know more people, it's great. The five freedoms are intended to truly enhance your development as a follower of Jesus.
You have to teach your children about marriage. May I share with you about how you should teach your children and students to get the best from God. God's will + God's time + God's way, getting the blessing of parents = the best from God. I repeat. Do you want the best from God? Follow God's will. The Bible is very clear about who we can and cannot marry. In 2 Corinthians 6:14 the Bible says: "Do not be unequally yoked to unbelievers, for what equality do righteousness and iniquity have in common? Or how can light be united with darkness"?
This is very clear, so we teach our children what kind of man, what kind of woman they should marry? Their partners should not only be Christians, their partners must be people who love God, people who serve God. Not only that, their partners must have respect, they must be tenacious, they must be disciplined. So you set certain standards. But there is one thing that is certain, our sons, our daughters are committed to each other. that they will not give their hearts to anyone until we give our blessing. So all our kids, before giving their hearts to a boyfriend, they ask our permission.
You know something? I will tell you something you will never regret. Because God gave parents certain instincts. You know whether someone is right or not right. But many parents don't do it on purpose. You have to pray a lot and be intentional. If you don't have a good relationship with your children, they won't listen to your advice. I tell my daughters they are special. "Set a standard for potential boyfriends. Learn to realize who you are in Christ. When a potential boyfriend comes along, remember that you are special. All it takes is the right one sent by God. If someone wants to date you, they know the standard You, they have to be serious". I will ask my daughter Candy to share her story.
How to prepare children to face the world? The world is something real. You prepare your children so they will be calm when they have to face the world on their own. What do I mean? The Bible in Romans 12:2 "Do not be conformed to the world". What does "similar" mean? This word is in passive form, these two words are a command, an order. In other words, don't let yourself be "similar". The Apostle Paul said, do not be conformed to the world. Then Paul continues, do not let the world oppress you, but "be transformed by the renewing of your mind". Note the contrast, the world tries to pressure us into submitting to its values but Paul tells us to change. Why? Because they have been influenced by the world.
Then Paul tells us how to change ourselves. With the "renewing of your mind". Pay attention to that verse. With the "renewal of your mind". In other words, you need God's truth, you need input that will help you overcome the world's deception and lies. I remember watermelon. What is the shape of a watermelon? For most of us, it is round or oval. But did you know that in Japan, there are square watermelons. How to develop a square watermelon? What are they doing? They put watermelons in square-shaped plexiglass, so that when the watermelons grow, they will be square-shaped.
That's what the Bible describes. You and I are being shaped, without us realizing it, according to the values of this world. The world says that success is about money, dignity, power, and possessions. We are taught this. If we are not careful, our children will be brainwashed that real success is like this. Our children are growing up in today's culture where people do not believe in the existence of absolute truth, which is right and wrong. It is important to evaluate everything based on what God's Word says. I tell my kids that they have to be wise, don't be easily deceived, you have to be sensitive and you have to be spiritually alert.
This world is very cunning. Look at the media. I was surprised to learn that as of today, the average amount of time young people spend watching social media screens is around five hours, not including time in front of screens at school. From ages 8 to 12, they spend at least 5 hours a day on social media. For those aged 13 years and over, they use it for 7 hours every day, not including time in front of screens at school. In other words, currently we are being brainwashed by social media and by the internet.
Let me ask, how many hours do you spend with your children, teaching them God's Word, God's Truth. We don't know what's going on. They are being taught and discipled by social media. Pornography. Let's use that as an example. Every day there are more than 17 billion videos watched, this is unimaginable, per day. 17 billion.
So that you can appreciate these incredible numbers, for one month, if you print photos of this porn video material, its length will stretch over 2,092,150 km. Do you know how long that is? Can circle the earth 58 times. That's the number of photos if we put them next to each other. This is incredible and I can't understand it, but this is what is happening to our young generation today. Addiction to social media, computer games, pornography, that's how the world shapes our children. Then you know the consequences? mental illness, loneliness, depression, addiction. I'm going to ask my wife to share how we teach our kids how to prepare for the world.
Deonna Tan-Chi: As Peter shared, we intentionally help our children to know their identity in Christ. One of the principles we teach them is to be willing to fight for their own beliefs for Jesus, if necessary. What happened? When our son Paul entered university, he played basketball on the school team. But before college, Carolyn and Candy said to Paul "Paul, you will change when you start college, you will start drinking and start being influenced by them". Paul answered "No, I committed to you guys that when I go to college, I will not drink".
Paul also made that commitment to God. So what happened? As a new member there, there was a culture for the basketball team on campus to make all the new members were drunk on their first night of hazing. But Paul and someone else said "Sorry, we don't drink". How can the new members be so opinionated? Christ will give them strength. Paul kept this commitment. Although this commitment was often tested, Paul did not drink while he was playing basketball at university. What happened to Candy, you have heard his testimony. We didn't know about this but Candy called us, "Mom what happened to me? I went to Bible study and then my friend said let's go to a frat party and I went. But when I arrived, there were a lot of police there, everyone was drinking and throwing up, some were passed out". Candy said to herself "I don't want to waste my time doing this".
So that was her introduction to the world of college. When Candy went to school dentistry, as I told you, she memorized verses and was the best student. But I will tell you what happened. The night she read her speech, her graduation speech, when she stood on the podium, we had prayed about this together, Candy would discuss. Jesus at this secular university. So in his speech he said "I don't deserve to be standing here today, but as I begin this dental school, I pray that if God blesses me, I want to bring honor and glory to my Lord Jesus Christ".
The room was silent, dead silent, he finished his speech, the last thing he said "May the world be a better place because we were here and served others here". When his speech was finished, he got a standing ovation. All the audience stood up and clapped for him. When the Dean of the school took the stage, this is what he said "I must say that Candy Tan-Chi wears her Christianity well". We teach our children that they are not only here to do good for Jesus but also to make an impact in the world for Him.
Paul also made that commitment to God. So what happened? As a new member there, there was a culture for the basketball team on campus to make all the new members were drunk on their first night of hazing. But Paul and someone else said "Sorry, we don't drink". How can the new members be so opinionated? Christ will give them strength. Paul kept this commitment. Although this commitment was often tested, Paul did not drink while he was playing basketball at university. What happened to Candy, you have heard his testimony. We didn't know about this but Candy called us, "Mom what happened to me? I went to Bible study and then my friend said let's go to a frat party and I went. But when I arrived, there were a lot of police there, everyone was drinking and throwing up, some were passed out". Candy said to herself "I don't want to waste my time doing this".
So that was her introduction to the world of college. When Candy went to school dentistry, as I told you, she memorized verses and was the best student. But I will tell you what happened. The night she read her speech, her graduation speech, when she stood on the podium, we had prayed about this together, Candy would discuss. Jesus at this secular university. So in his speech he said "I don't deserve to be standing here today, but as I begin this dental school, I pray that if God blesses me, I want to bring honor and glory to my Lord Jesus Christ".
The room was silent, dead silent, he finished his speech, the last thing he said "May the world be a better place because we were here and served others here". When his speech was finished, he got a standing ovation. All the audience stood up and clapped for him. When the Dean of the school took the stage, this is what he said "I must say that Candy Tan-Chi wears her Christianity well". We teach our children that they are not only here to do good for Jesus but also to make an impact in the world for Him.
Praise God for what He has done and what He continues to do. Thanks again to my wife for being affecting our children's lives. Because my wife models what it means to fight for Jesus ourselves. Learning to stand up for Jesus.
Jesus reminds us that we are the salt and light that we really are: the salt of the earth and the light of the world. What a privilege we have to impact the world.
If the world is dark, don't curse the darkness. Ask where the light is, the Bible says in 2 Corinthians 5:17: "So whoever is in Christ is a new creation: the old has passed away, behold, the new has come. It is very important to teach our children the impossibility of facing the world if we are far from God, far from Jesus". How can our children overcome pornography, overcome immorality? How do they have the strength to resist all these temptations? It's so important that they understand who they are in Christ, a relationship with Jesus first. And that's why in this MOTIVATE series, we ask people to fundamentally learn to connect with Jesus and this is exactly what happened in my life.
Before I knew Jesus, my life was a mess. It's never too late to change. God wants to encourage you, wants to encourage me. We don't have to be victims of the past. If we come to Christ, according to the Bible, something new will happen. But the first step is to truly become a child of God. It all starts with your identity. Who are you? And the Bible tells us in John 1:12 "But as many as received Him, He gave the power to become children of God, even those who believe in His name;" When my identity was exposed, when I surrendered my life to Jesus, I realized that I had become a "new creation" and I realized that I had become a child of God.
Notice this verse, "As many as received" Jesus was given "the power to become children of God". Do you realize that you can become a Child of God today? You are a prince, a princess. But have you invited Jesus to be your Lord and Savior? Until we have Jesus Christ in our lives, we cannot do what He wants us to do. God tells us that He loves us, but what you need to do first is learn to know Him. Learn to let Christ change your heart, learn to let Christ change your love from loving the world to loving Him. Most importantly, learn to use the power of Christ because without Him, we will not be able to live the Christian life. I want to give you this opportunity, start with who you are, start with being a child of God and everything else will follow. When you know you are a child of God, He will give you security He will give you purpose and He will give you meaning. Let's pray.
Lord Jesus, I realize I am not yet Your child. Today I want to be Your child. I accept Your amazing promises. I accept You, Lord Jesus. Come into my life, be my Lord and Savior. I receive the gift of forgiveness from You, I receive the gift of eternal life from You. Help me understand the glorious and wonderful promise that I am Your child the moment I give my life to You and the moment I accept You now and today as my Lord and Savior. Jesus, come into my life. Amen.