Peter Tan-Chi - Affirmation
Greetings! In the name of our wonderful Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I am so happy to have the privilege of worshiping with all of us today. We have discussed 8 secrets to influencing the hearts of children, the hearts of loved ones, to have a long-term impact. Let's review it briefly:
M-O-T-I-V-A-T-E.
M is Modeling.
O is Open Communication.
T is Time.
I is Intimacy.
V is Vision.
Today we will discuss A: Affirmation.
What are affirmations? Affirmations are about encouraging, about uplifting, about inspiring someone. Affirmations confirm something is true. Saying something positive about someone is not about flattery but it is the ability to see potential, something good in another person's life but that person may not be aware of or see. It's like seeing a small spark and you fan it, so that small spark will become a fire. The ability to talk about life to someone. That's what we need to learn. When we affirm someone, we help that person learn to see their own potential. One of the best examples of someone who really gives affirmation is none other than God himself.
In Mark 1:11 the Bible tells us: "Then a voice came from heaven: You are my beloved Son. In you I am well pleased". What do you notice here? God the Father is speaking to God the Son and saying that "You are My beloved Son. In You I am well pleased". There is a relationship affirmation here. "You are My Son but not only a Son, but also My beloved Son". Affirmation of intimacy, affirmation of consent. "In You I am well pleased". If God the Father was willing to give affirmation to Jesus, how much more can you and I learn to affirm others? To affirm our own children? The Bible tells us, affirmations encourage positive change.
In Proverbs 18:21: "Life and death are in the power of the tongue, whoever loves it will eat its fruit". There is great power in words, great power in your tongue Death or life. You can be an encourager or you can be a discourager. Let me ask. Are you an encourager or are you a discourager? Here's the principle: Positive words have a positive impact on us, negative words have a negative impact on us. The power of affirmations, the power of words, has been researched and proven to be effective and true.
I am reminded of the famous story of Henry Ford. Many people don't realize that when Henry Ford came up with the idea of the gasoline engine, many people laughed at him. They told Henry Ford he was crazy. They never realized that it was possible to make a gasoline engine. One day Ford sat down with a very famous man, and when he showed this man his idea, the man stood up and banged his hand on the table and this is what the man said. "That's it, young man! That's it! What a great idea you have" Do you know who this man is? It was Thomas Edison who told Henry Ford, "You can". Thomas Edison's attitude was an important thing that inspired Henry Ford. Ford said "[What Edison did] is valuable to me".
Let's pay attention to Ephesians 4:29 which gives us guidance on how to affirm one another. Ephesians 4:29 "Let no dirty talk come out of your mouth, but use good words for building up, where necessary, so that those who hear them may obtain grace". Here are my observations: First: "Let there be no dirty talk". Without exception, no foul language. The best way to understand this is through examples. For example, if you say "You're useless," "Why are you so stupid," "I wish you were never born," or "Why aren't you like your brother"?
You see, words like this are dirty (bad) words. These words do not serve to build up, but discourage. That is the meaning of the idea "No dirty (bad) speech". In other words, be careful with what we say. "But use kind words to build up". The opposite of profanity is words that are "good for building". The word build comes from the root word edifice (building). In other words, dirty words destroy, good words build. "Where necessary". Take note. To affirm people timing is very important. When to talk, when not to talk. Not only that. It is also said: "That those who hear it may receive grace". A kind word, a word of affirmation will bring grace, it is something that will encourage people, something that will strengthen them, something that will motivate them. The truth is we all need grace, we all need encouragement.
I remember the story of an extraordinary mother. When this mother came home, she saw that her kitchen was a mess. He saw ink of various colors scattered everywhere. But instead of getting angry, this mother asked her child, "What happened? What did you do"? The boy was apparently painting his little sister's face. Instead of getting angry, the mother said: "Oh, how beautiful your sister Sally's paintings are". And the mother kissed her son. Years later, the boy became famous throughout the world. He became the official artist of the British Royal Family during the time of King George III. When he was asked "How did you become such a great painter", this is what he said "It was a kiss from my mother that made me an artist".
So the question is: are we kissing our children with our words? Are we careful when we react to our children? Remember. "Let no dirty talk come out of your mouth, but use good words to build up" Only good words to build up. "...that those who hear may obtain grace". Words are powerful, they can be a blessing, they can be a curse, they can build or destroy, they can give life or they can bring death. Words are very important. Jesus warns us in Matthew chapter 12 verses 36-37: "But I say to you: for every idle word a person speaks, he will be given an account on the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be punished".
Did you notice. Often we are careless with our tongue. Especially when we are with people we love. Be careful. God holds us accountable. You may ask: "How do I do this? How do I affirm my children, affirm my students, affirm others? You need to develop the eye of a Sherlock Holmes," you need to develop the eye of a detective. So you will track, you will look and you will intentionally seek out the character traits you want to strengthen. For example: My wife focuses on neatness, she likes it when the place is clean. My problem was I wasn't the neatest person when I first got married, I would drop things here and there. And he would praise me, when I picked up what I dropped. He trained me very well with his positive affirmations.
Now, I'm the one who tells him to pick it up when he drops something. When you see this glass of water, what will you say? For some of us, we'd say it's half empty. For some, they would say it's half full. How about you? Do you tend to focus on the positive or are you the type of person who tends to focus on the negative? The truth is that no one is perfect. We have 5 amazing children and we see they all have strengths and all have weaknesses. As a parent, you need to have a detective's eye. You focus on their strengths. For us, we want to affirm the character traits, we affirm the effort, that they did their best, we want to affirm their attitude, because attitude is very important. When they do something good, we affirm it. When they do something incorrectly, we don't make a big deal about it, we will gently correct them.
For example, in Proverbs 12 verse 18: "There are people whose presumptuous mouth is like the thrust of a sword, but the tongue of a wise person brings healing". Timing is very important. How to correct people in a timely manner? My advice is to be careful how you react. When you are angry, the best thing is to keep your mouth shut. When you are angry, don't say anything. Pray. You know why? Emotions have a way of changing the way we think. This is a way of influencing listeners. The way to affirm people is to speak words positively, develop a detective eye, focus on the things they do well and when you are angry stay silent because timing is very important. I used to fall into the school of correction, correction, correction. criticism, criticism, criticism. But by the grace of God, something happened, I realized that affirming, being positive is much more effective. I asked my daughter and son-in-law to share with us the importance of affirmations.
You will notice what Joy and Edric share. There is power in words. Affirmations are more than motivating. Affirmations touch the heart, Affirmations transform. Being critical is not always the best approach, because being critical is discouraging. But no one teaches us this. I didn't learn about these things until I started digging in the Bible and I realized the importance of positive words, the importance of affirmations. How do we affirm people? There are many ways to affirm them, starting from your thoughts, from your hugs, from your tone of voice, from what you do and don't do. I asked my wife to share with us some of the ways we give affirmations to our kids. Let's welcome Deonna.
Deonna Tan-Chi: As Peter has shared, affirmations are powerful. Affirmations tap into our subconscious brain and help motivate us to make positive changes. The world asks us to affirm ourselves but as Christians, we have the truth to affirm us. What we do with kids like Joy shared, we want to give them the affirmation that they can do all things through Christ who strengthens them. I'll give an example. When Candy and Carolyn were in 8th grade and in 6th grade, in the first month there was an election for the student council officers. They came home and said "Mom, Dad, should we run for student council"?
As a mother I ask what if they run for office and lose? How will it impact them and their self-image? But God reminded me that what is important is not self-image or self-confidence but trust in God. So I said "Candy, Carolyn, if God wants you to be on the student council, you will do all things through Christ and you will win". So I support them. They made posters and stuck them on the school walls. We were out of town for the weekend, there was an election on Monday and they won. It is God's will that teaches them to believe in God, not self-confidence. How about proofreading? You think how to affirm but how do we correct?
I'll give another example. One day me and Peter were having lunch and there was one thing in his life that needed fixing. So over lunch we chatted and laughed, then I started correcting him bluntly. Then I saw my son slumped in his chair until his chin was on the table. Peter looked at me and said "Mom, I don't think I'll amount to anything". Wow. My poor child. He was having lunch and had a stomach ache because I forgot to give him a "sandwich". So what is the "sandwich approach"? The sandwich approach is: if you want to correct, first give them an affirmation. Look for something positive you can say to the person. So just like the first piece of a sandwich is the first slice of bread, here comes the affirmation. Then in the middle you put the correction in the middle, like the filling of a sandwich. After you correct, then you add another affirmation.
So this is what I said "Peter, I'm sorry. I've watched you grow in many ways in your life. Your life. This is just one small thing where I feel you can improve to grow more like Christ, this is the thing you need to fix..." Then I gave him another affirmation. "Son, I believe you can do it because I know that it is your desire to grow like Christ". Peter suddenly sat up straight, so dramatically, he sat up with a smile and said "Mom, thanks for the correction. I can do it". So when we correct, we can correct in an affirming way. It may sound excessive, but I assure you, it is very effective. Inserting a correction between two affirmations, instead of discouraging and draining motivation, people will become motivated and motivate them towards positive change. God bless.
As a mother I ask what if they run for office and lose? How will it impact them and their self-image? But God reminded me that what is important is not self-image or self-confidence but trust in God. So I said "Candy, Carolyn, if God wants you to be on the student council, you will do all things through Christ and you will win". So I support them. They made posters and stuck them on the school walls. We were out of town for the weekend, there was an election on Monday and they won. It is God's will that teaches them to believe in God, not self-confidence. How about proofreading? You think how to affirm but how do we correct?
I'll give another example. One day me and Peter were having lunch and there was one thing in his life that needed fixing. So over lunch we chatted and laughed, then I started correcting him bluntly. Then I saw my son slumped in his chair until his chin was on the table. Peter looked at me and said "Mom, I don't think I'll amount to anything". Wow. My poor child. He was having lunch and had a stomach ache because I forgot to give him a "sandwich". So what is the "sandwich approach"? The sandwich approach is: if you want to correct, first give them an affirmation. Look for something positive you can say to the person. So just like the first piece of a sandwich is the first slice of bread, here comes the affirmation. Then in the middle you put the correction in the middle, like the filling of a sandwich. After you correct, then you add another affirmation.
So this is what I said "Peter, I'm sorry. I've watched you grow in many ways in your life. Your life. This is just one small thing where I feel you can improve to grow more like Christ, this is the thing you need to fix..." Then I gave him another affirmation. "Son, I believe you can do it because I know that it is your desire to grow like Christ". Peter suddenly sat up straight, so dramatically, he sat up with a smile and said "Mom, thanks for the correction. I can do it". So when we correct, we can correct in an affirming way. It may sound excessive, but I assure you, it is very effective. Inserting a correction between two affirmations, instead of discouraging and draining motivation, people will become motivated and motivate them towards positive change. God bless.
Praise God, Deonna. I really praise God because my wife is so affirming when she corrects. And I praise God that to this day, he corrected me with the sandwich approach. He encouraged then did what I call...correction then he did the sandwich with one more encouragement. Thank You. And I did the same thing to him, didn't I? Thank You. I always tell people that for every correction, if possible, for every negative comment, you add 5 positive comments. So the ratio is 1 to 5. Remind them. The truth is, this world needs encouragement. Give affirmations when there is progress, don't wait for perfection. Give affirmation when there is progress. If you see them doing their best, give affirmation to their efforts. Give affirmation to their character.
As I walk with God, as I disciple men and women, as I see families of all kinds, I am reminded of the importance of the tongue, the importance of words. Let's be careful with what we say. Let's try to be an encourager, to be positive with our words. This takes practice, this takes discipline. And if you say something negative, learn to ask for forgiveness. How do we give affirmations? Give affirmations with positive words. Give affirmations with a detective's eye. You give affirmations to character traits. Give affirmation through unconditional love. As my children shared, no matter what happens, I tell my children that they are loved. I said to my wife "There is nothing you can do that will make me love you less".
So they feel the security of affirmation. That they are loved. Provide affirmation through positive expectations. What do I mean? According to research, our expectations impact other people. What they do and how, what our expectations are from them has a direct correlation. Many years ago, when computers were first being developed, IBM produced punch cards. And the United States Census Department bought these machines. But there's a problem. The inventor of this machine said "The average working capacity of each person is 550 cards per day".
As a result, after monitoring, the Census Department found that people had difficulty reaching 550 cards. So they needed to expand, so they bought more machines and put them in a new building. Same machines in the new building. They hired new employees without telling them that the capacity of each person was 550. Guess what happened? Within a few months, the production output of each employee was 2100. What was different? From 550 per day to 2100 per day. Why? This is called the law of expectations. Because we raise our expectations. This is such a real thing. Often we limit the potential of our children, our friends, because we do not affirm it. We limit their potential by our low expectations. The real affirmation is to hope for the best.
You and I must be careful that we do not limit the potential of our children, our students, and our friends with negative words. This takes discipline, this takes practice. To always remind ourselves that words matter, that "I have to be careful what I say, I have to be careful what I don't say, I always have to affirm". In Hebrews 3:13 it says to "encourage" one another. How often? "Every day". Take note. You have to encourage each other. I want to remind us all that when the Bible says to encourage each other every day, affirmations are not just for parents to give to children, they are not just to be given to students.
Affirmations are also given by children to their parents, and also given to each other by people their own age and from friends to friends. Let's practice being an encouraging person. "Those who lift the world up and forward are those who encourage more than criticize". My question for you is this: Are you a CEO or a CDO? You see, my role and your role is as a Chief Encouragement Officer in your family, in your company, and in your students. Compare with CDO. What are CDOs? Leader Who Breaks Spirit (Chief Discouragement Officer).
There are some of us who have not been trained. You have a habit of discouraging people, a habit of criticizing. Why? Maybe you grew up in a critical family you were never trained to do. It's never too late to change. To affirm, you have to be intentional. You have to develop faith in your heart. This affirmation is a command for each of us to be an encourager. Affirmations can be as simple as saying "Good job," they can be as simple as a hug, they can be as simple as a pat on the shoulder, they can be as simple as a smile, they can be as simple as saying "Good job". But please start practicing today.
You know, God is very affirmative, He tells us in 1 John 3: "See, what great love the Father has given us, that we are called children of God, and indeed we are children of God. Therefore the world does not know us, for the world does not know Him". God said "I want you to know something, you are My child, you matter". God wants us to know that we are God's children. "My beloved brothers, now we are God's children, but it is not yet clear what our condition will be; but we know that when Christ appears, we will be like Him..." God gives affirmation to us that someday we will be like Jesus. "Everyone who has this hope in Him purifies himself, just as He is pure".
Pay attention to this affirmation. God says this is a certainty. "Right now you are My children, but you do not realize what you will become, but one day you will know". And then He gave us an amazing promise: We will be like Jesus. Supernatural body. Geez. Think about it. Then He says "Everyone who has hope..." When the Bible uses the word hope, it is a certainty because of this truth: Affirmation is declaring the truth so that we can see it with our eyes, and believe it with our hearts. "Everyone who has this hope in Him purifies himself..."
This will impact your life. You will purify yourself, you will live a holy life. Know that this Affirmation is for those who are children of God. Are you a child of God? Do you want to be a child of God? God wants us to be His children. How do we become His children? You come to Him through Jesus. I'll say a short prayer. A prayer about coming to Jesus, accepting Jesus as your Lord and Savior. God looks at the heart, God loves you God wants you to know that He is there for you. Let's pray:
O God, I am not yet sure that I am Your child. I'm not even sure that I have eternal life. Today I want to invite You, Jesus, as my Lord and Savior. I invite You to come into my life. I receive forgiveness of sins from You, I accept You as my Lord and Savior. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. Give me a new heart, give me a new life. Thank you for the gift of forgiveness, thank you for the gift of eternal life. Thank you for making me your child. In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen.