Peter Tan-Chi - Time
What a pleasure to spend time with you all today. We are going through the MOTIVATE series, how to influence your loved ones, students, family members, especially your children. How to influence the heart for long-term change. If you remember, we discussed role models, what are the principles of role models? Children imitate us, whether we like it or not, which is good or bad.
Then last week we discussed open communication. Open communication means they are free to express their feelings and emotions without fear. There is a sense of security. They feel safe. Open communication is important. Today we will discuss the principle of Time. What does it mean? The more time you spend with someone, the more influence you have on that person. The more time you spend with your children, the more influence you have over them. In short, lots of time, lots of influence. Little time, little influence. Jesus understood this principle. In Mark 3:14, the Bible says: "He appointed twelve men to be with Him and to send Him out to preach the gospel".
I want you to notice that Jesus set 12. Not 20, 30,50 or 100 but just 12. Why? Have you ever thought about that? For maximum impact. Jesus knew the principle of time. He understands that there is a lot of time, a lot of focus, and a lot of influence. Pay attention to the order. Jesus wanted these 12 men to be with Him so He could send them to preach the gospel. The same principle is described in Hebrews 10:24-25 Notice what Hebrews says: "And let us look to one another so that we may encourage one another in love and in good works". Note the words "pay attention to each other...to encourage".
The word "to encourage" means to arouse. How do you inspire one another to love and be kind? How to influence your children to love and be kind? Your students? Note this is not a secret. "Let us not distance ourselves from our meetings for worship, as is the habit of some people, but let us exhort one another, and be more active in doing so as the day of the Lord approaches". The principle is not to "distance ourselves from our religious gatherings", to spend time with each other. That's the principle of Time. For children, love is spelled W-A-K-T-U. For children, love is spelled TIME.
If time is important, why don't we actually spend it with our loved ones, our children. I call these the 4 Myths About Time. What does myth mean? A myth is something that people believe but is not true. We must correct our wrong thinking. The first myth of time is quality time vs. quantity time. Many people feel that quality time is enough even though they do not give their children that quantity of time. Can I tell you a truth, quality time is also quantity time. Quantity time may not be quality time. But if you want quality time, it has to involve quantity time.
Why do you think most teenagers avoid spending time with their parents as they get older? Because when they were little, they might spend time with their parents, but it wasn't quality time. For example, how would you enjoy spending time with your parents if every time you were together, they lectured you, every time you were together, they corrected you. It wasn't fun. That's why many teenagers don't even want to eat with their parents. They try to avoid it. So remember. Quality time and quantity time, both are very important.
I was shocked to read the true story of what happened to Dr. Robert Schuller. This man was a famous pastor, he was on a book promotion tour visiting eight cities in four days. A busy schedule besides being a pastor at a large church. Secretary Schuller was with him and reminded him of the day's schedule. The secretary said to him "Sir, you have a very important one hour lunch appointment". When Dr. Schuller saw the person who was going to meet him, he was surprised. He discovered that the person paid USD 500 for the raffle ticket. So this person can have time with him for an hour. And he knows that USD 500 is all the savings that person has. Do you know who paid that USD 500? His own daughter.
Friends, our children want to spend time with us. Quality time and quantity time go together. The myth of things vs. things time. Many parents have the idea "Because I'm so busy, I'll replace it with material goods". They give gifts to their loved ones in exchange for time. I remember one of our pastors sharing with us, how when he was in business, he showered his children with gifts. He thought this would make up for the lack of time. The truth is: "Nothing can replace TIME".
Do you know who spends the most time with your children? Do you know who has the biggest influence in your children's lives? When they are young, at their most vulnerable, at their most impressionable age, what do parents do most? We send them to strangers, we send them to schools. You send it to the teacher, who you don't even know. They spend time with classmates, whom you don't know. Then you get the shock of your life when they become teenagers, you ask yourself, why did they change. Nowadays, another phenomenon has occurred, called social media. What does it mean? Many parents admit that the reason they don't really spend time physically is because they find it easier to give their children their devices, so these children will be "parented" by social media.
Many parents admit, by giving them a device, they will use it to entertain their children to keep them quiet and to avoid spending time with them. Friends, things cannot replace time. Time spent with family is worth every second. If you want your kids to be good, someone once said "Spend twice as much time with them and half the money buying them things". Realize, it is our responsibility and privilege to be able to influence the lives of our children. So what do we need to do? I call this the substitution principle. You can't just say "Don't play the game, Don't do this".
The principle of substitution is like this, when you take something away, it is because you have something better to offer your children. My suggestion is that the best thing you have to offer is yourself, your TIME. Another myth is the myth of tomorrow. What does it mean? The Bible is very clear in Proverbs 27:1: "Do not praise yourself for tomorrow, for you do not know what that day will bring". Tomorrow may never come. I remember a good friend of ours. He is an executive of a telecommunications company in America. He was offered a promotion to move to head office but refused. He said to the boss "I want to spend time with my family. If I accept this assignment, I will have to go to New York and go here and there. I don't want that. My family is important, therefore I am willing to not be promoted".
When he said that, his boss cried. His boss said "I'm proud of you. Because I remembered my own life. I promised my son I would go fishing together. That was 20 years ago and until now, we haven't gone fishing". Beware of the myth of tomorrow. Just tomorrow, just tomorrow. Why? Time flies and our kids grow up fast. Often you don't get to get to those golden years, when they are still open to learning, open to building a bond with you. The bad news is, time flies. The good news is that you are the pilot. You choose how time will pass. The myth of no time. The reality is we are all busy. We don't have time for many things. But remember, you will have time for what is truly important to you.
I remember my friend who was the president of a multinational company. His wife often invited him to study the Bible. But he always said he was busy. One day after a medical check-up, his doctor said, "I'm afraid you have cancer in the lungs". And it's true that there is cancer in the prostate, but not in the lungs. Guess what happened? God used the fear of cancer to make him rethink what is important and what is not important. Suddenly he had time for Bible study, for worship, for small groups. This happened 15-20 years ago and to this day he is still very strong. God can use all kinds of events, some unpleasant, to wake us up, to help us think, to help us evaluate what is important, what is not important.
So here's the secret: You can make time. You get to choose what you do with your time. So please don't say any more, you don't have time. Be honest with yourself, you should say "This is not important enough to me". So if you don't have time with your kids, realize that what you are saying is not a priority and not that important. "Life is like a coin. You can spend it however you like, But you can only use it once" The choice is yours. How to spend your time wisely? I suggest the 4 M's, on how to use your time wisely. First Magic Moments, you have to learn to achieve them. Memorable Moments (Unforgettable Moments) - learn to create them. Maximizing Moments - I call this the principle of doubling. Mentoring Moments - I call them done intentionally, think of it as an investment.
Let's start with Magical Times. You have to grab it. What are magic moments? When they open up to you. When they invite you into the depths of their lives. This is the time for children to talk and listen. You can't force magic moments. Every child is different. I have 5 amazing kids and they all have different magical moments. One time I saw my son playing basketball. After the game I went to the locker room and walked with him to the car. I put my hand on his shoulder. I noticed he was crying. I asked "Son, why are you crying"? He opened up to me. He said "I thought I was a bad player. I wasn't good at basketball. The coach didn't really like me". Then I said to him "Son, you are a good basketball player. Second, basketball is just a game, it is not your life. Coaches and friends' opinions about how you play do not define you".
When I started to think back, how often does something like this happen where a son cries on his father's shoulder? For me, it is a rare privilege, to listen to my son and embrace him. Magical moments cannot be created. It happened spontaneously. You need to learn to catch it. You need to learn to achieve it. One of my unforgettable memories happened one midnight, our family was on holiday, visiting my daughter in America. Near midnight, my daughter came to talk to me. He asked "Father, does God like me"? I am surprised. He said "Dad, I'm not saying that He doesn't love me. I know God loves me. But does He like me"?
Wow, how do you answer that question? So I prayed and God spoke to my heart about Luke 15. I asked "Honey, do you remember the story in Luke 15:4 about the 99 sheep and 1 lost sheep? Guess what happened when the shepherd found his one lost sheep? The Bible tells us what he did: he threw a party and then the Bible also tells us, so it is in heaven for one sinner who repents. Do you remember the story of the lost coin ? feast. The Bible says so there will be joy in heaven over one sinner who repents". I asked "You remember the story of the prodigal son? What happens when the prodigal son comes home? What did the father do"? This dad said "Let's have a party".
In other words, God doesn't just love you, He likes you. There is joy when you come to Him. My daughter smiled and thanked me. I thought that was the end of the story. When I flew home from America, I opened my Bible, I love reading the Bible on planes, then I saw a letter. When I reading the letter, I started crying, because in the letter, my daughter wrote "Dad, I want to thank you because you have taken the time to explain to me that God not only loves but also likes me. Thank you for making it easy for me to believe that God likes me".
You know, the reason why I cried, was because I realized that this is an amazing opportunity that God has given me to share with my daughter and that's what brothers, called magic moments. You need to achieve them. My wife and I love to eat healthy as the kids grow up, I tell my wife we can't keep taking them to the salad bar because they're at the age where they like fast food, fries. So we're going to adjust they like not what you like. These are the ways to create unforgettable moments. One of my favorite sports was golf. When the kids were little, I noticed that they didn't enjoy golf because it was a slow game. For them golf is like a funeral service.
So what do I do? I adapt. I teach them basketball. They love basketball. Why? Because it's fun. Swimming, cycling, jogging, why? Because that's what they enjoy. That's how you create unforgettable moments. One of my fondest memories is when I took my family to visit some missionaries in Palawan. Our ship's fuel leaked in the middle of the sea. I saw a storm coming and the ship's engine died. This was the scariest moment of my life. You know, all my kids enjoy it. Why? Because everyone who could swim, jumped off the boat and tried to push the boat to shore. But we couldn't, the wind was very strong. Guess what happened? God sent another ship, a fishing boat. They saw us and told us to move to their boat. Those are the so-called unforgettable moments.
Maximize your time. When I say maximize time, I mean double it. How do you double it? This is where most people don't understand. Let me give you an example of doubling time. Include them in your schedule. You need to eat. Why are you eating alone? Make sure you eat with your children. I thank God for my wife. He made sure my kids would have dinner with me. Even if I came home late he would let them wait. When I go to work what do I do? Sometimes I take them to the office and make sure there are cookies in the office so they like to go with me to the office. I took them to the project and I made sure they could ride the bulldozer. Why? I want to make it fun. That's how to maximize your time. Include them in your life and schedule. In maximizing time, you look at their life stages.
Now my children are adults. So when I was invited to speak abroad, guess what I did? I took one of my family members to go with me. I became a speaker and they did too. I know it's more expensive, but I don't mind investing the money. Why? Because I want to maximize my time. When I share, they come with me, they see what I'm doing and then they share. I do the same with our students. I took different pastors and students with me. When I travel to Singapore, Jakarta, where I speak. I invite them and then I let them talk. This is called doubling your time. I love this saying, "Yesterday is a canceled check, tomorrow is a promised check, today is the only cash you have, spend wisely". I have the honor of introducing my daughter, Dr. Carolyn Pedro and her husband, son-in-law Joel Pedro. They will share with you about the principles of Time, how we apply them and how they apply them today.
The reality is that when you realize the importance of Time, then you start to realize all the principles go hand in hand. Role Modeling, Open Communication, Time. All of these principles must work together to have maximum impact in the lives of your children, your students, and the people you love.
Lastly I want to discuss Mentoring moments. What are Mentoring moments? Is doing it intentionally and seeing time as an INVESTMENT. When you invest in something, there is always something called ROI (Return On Investment). Often the return on investment is not immediately visible. Don't look at time, as an expense or a waste of time. Look at time as an investment. I call this mentoring time. I invited my wife to share with you, how she views time as an investment, as mentoring time. Let's welcome Deonna.
Deonna Tan-Chi: As Carolyn said, when the kids were little, I homeschooled them. I stay at home with them. One day I thought, "Peter can dress up and go to the office every day and interact with interesting people and I can just be at home". I thought that if we waited for our kids to grow up and leave the house and then do something, I would grow old and wither like dried fruit. After that I talked to Peter. When I shared what I was thinking, Peter wisely said "Deonna, our kids are still young. They want you, they want to be with you. They are open to being taught and coached. This is an opportunity to influence them".
As Peter spoke, I was convinced by the Holy Spirit how selfish I was. I realize it is a privilege and opportunity to be able to invest time in accompanying and discipling them to know God, to build them in Christlikeness, and help them become committed followers of Christ. Coincidentally, at that time I was introduced to independent school at home. I think this is an opportunity to really maximize time with the kids and start our independent school journey at home. When I look back, I feel like that was a very valuable time in our lives that I would have missed if I hadn't decided to invest in their lives. I would add that this investment is not just for now but for eternity. I would add that TIME is something you can't save, you can only spend it so let's use it wisely.
As Peter spoke, I was convinced by the Holy Spirit how selfish I was. I realize it is a privilege and opportunity to be able to invest time in accompanying and discipling them to know God, to build them in Christlikeness, and help them become committed followers of Christ. Coincidentally, at that time I was introduced to independent school at home. I think this is an opportunity to really maximize time with the kids and start our independent school journey at home. When I look back, I feel like that was a very valuable time in our lives that I would have missed if I hadn't decided to invest in their lives. I would add that this investment is not just for now but for eternity. I would add that TIME is something you can't save, you can only spend it so let's use it wisely.
"Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant". My wife and I are planting seeds. We invest time with our children. By God's grace, today we see the fruit, the blessing of spending time. Like our children's blessings, for example their self-esteem, they know their values and behavior. They are emotionally stable and willing to embrace Biblical values. More time, more influence. The greatest impact you and I can have on our children, with our loved ones is to connect them with Jesus. So that they know Jesus and help them experience the love of Jesus. This is the essence of time. This time is one of God's most precious gifts to each of us. We are given limited time. That's why God wants us to use our time wisely.
In Ephesians 5, the Bible says: "Use the time you have...Therefore do not be foolish, but seek to understand the will of God". In other words, wasting time is stupid. When you waste your time, you waste your life. That is why he tells us: Know God's will. The first step to knowing God's will is to know Him through Jesus. I will close with this poem. I feel this poem is very meaningful: Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, neither young nor old. This may be your last chance to hug those you love tightly. So if you're waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today? Because if tomorrow never comes, you will always regret that day. That you didn't take the extra time to smile, hug, or kiss. And you were too busy giving someone what turned out to be their last wish.
So hug your loved ones tightly and whisper in their ear You love them and you will always take care of them. Take the time to say "I'm sorry", "Please forgive me", "Thank you" or "It's okay if tomorrow never comes, you won't regret today". This is my addition. Take time to talk to Jesus. Accept His offer of forgiveness and salvation today. Ask Jesus to be your Lord and Savior. If that's your desire, why don't you make the choice today, to ask Jesus to be your Lord and Savior. Let's pray.
Lord Jesus, I realize how much You love us. You love me and want to be with me in eternity. Lord, I accept You today as my Lord and Savior. I receive the gift of forgiveness from You. I receive the gift of eternal life from You. Thank you for loving us and thank you for wanting us to be with you forever. In Jesus' name we all pray. Amen.