Paul Daugherty - I Forgive You - Part 2
That's what happens, when I don't forgive you, it hurts me more than it hurts you. It hurts me, it robs me of life, it robs me of joy, it robs me of peace. So Joseph sees them, and look at Genesis 45:1. Finally, he can't handle it any longer. And Stephen's talking about this right before he's about to die. Stephen's giving a sermon on forgiveness. In Genesis 45:1, "Joseph could no longer control his emotions in front of all the attendants, so he says, 'Everyone leave except my brothers.'"
In other words, this confrontation does not need to be in front of everybody else. There's no reason for everyone else to see the pain that I'm walking through. This is between me and the people who offended me. You don't have to blast it on Facebook. You don't have to make a blast on social media of what people did to you. "Well, Paul, they need to pay for it, so I'm gonna tell the whole world". How, how is that... We want our world to get better, but when we add to the noise of pain, it only gets worse. So we've gotta learn, where do I take my pain? Do I take my pain to Instagram, Facebook? Where do I take my hurt? Where do I take my church hurt? Where do I take my family hurt? Where do I take my trauma? Do I just tell the whole world, just blast it and wait for comments and likes so that I feel better about myself?
That doesn't bring healing either. The only place where healing can happen is between you and God, and if there's a chance, between you and the person who offended you. And sometimes you don't get that chance. Sometimes it's just you and God. But Joseph has the chance and he begins to weep so loud that the Egyptians can hear his tears, but they can't hear his whispers. "And Joseph says, 'I am Joseph. Is my father still alive?' His brothers could not even speak. They were terrified in his presence. Joseph said, 'Come close to me.'" Come close to me. Come close to me, see my scars. See what happened. And he says, "Don't be depressed". Don't be distressed, don't be angry with yourselves.
Look what Joseph says, "Don't be angry with yourselves. You sold me, but God saved me. You tried to get rid of me, but God sent me ahead of you to provide for you and I forgive you". Somebody say: I forgive you. "Joseph threw his arms around his brothers and he began to weep on Benjamin. And then from Benjamin, he kissed each of his brothers, weeping over them, hugging them, saying, 'I forgive you, I forgive you.'" Here's what forgiveness does. In the process of forgiveness, it rewires the memories. It doesn't make what they did okay, but it changes the memory from negative to positive. He said, "You intended to harm me, but God turned it for good. You intended to kill me. You thought this was gonna end me. You thought I'd commit suicide after this. You thought I'd never get back into what God's called me to do. But God used what you did to me to purify me, to purge me, to grow me, to build my character, to strengthen me in the pit. God used what the enemy meant to take me out for my good".
Forgiveness helps me to look at something that was so painful and go, "God used it". Somebody say, God used it. Can God use the painful things in your life? He's not the author of your trauma, but He is the healer. He's not the author of your pain, He's your healer. Last night after service, this elderly woman came forward and she brought her young, I thought was her daughter. And she says, "This is my great-niece, I'm her great-aunt. I've basically raised her". And as I was talking to both of them, she said, the great-aunt, she said, "I've experienced so much pain from my ex-husband". And she said, "If I only told you just a fraction of it, it's a movie what's happened to me". She said, "Tonight, God just started turning my heart to forgive him".
And then the the great-niece, she starts crying and she says, "My dad abused me when I was little, sexually, physically and emotionally". And she said, "We drive here from Checotah as much as we can, an hour-and-a-half drive". She said, "I could not forgive my dad and I said, 'I am getting as far the blank away from him as possible.'" And she said, "And because I didn't forgive him, I married a guy who ended up being just like him". She said, "My husband was abusive physically, emotionally, verbally, all of it". She said, "I got pregnant with our first baby, and within a few months, he left me for another woman". And she said, "I was so mad. My heart literally had problems. I was rushed to the hospital. I had to have open heart surgery and I lost the baby at five months".
She said, "This was all right before COVID hit. Once COVID hit, the depression just came hard. My husband was gone, my baby was gone". She said, "My dad died that same time that my baby died. And he never apologized". She said, "We went to court fighting for what he did to me and my sister. And he denied everything, never apologized, never owned any of it, and then he died". And she said, "He got away with it". And she said, "Tonight I was just reminded of the importance of forgiveness," forgiveness. She says, "I'm so glad that you said it was a process, that it wasn't a one-time thing," 'cause she said, "I've been trying," and she said, "You know what? God's done a work in my heart, 'cause I've been on a path of forgiveness". She said, "Tonight was just another part of that path". She said, "I want to go to Bible college. Do you guys have a Bible college"? I said, "Yeah, Victory Bible College". She said, "God's given me a testimony. Someday I'm going to minister to other women. Someday I'm gonna share my story of what God's done in me".
What forgiveness does is it sets me free of the poison. Because some people will never apologize for what they did. Some people will never, no one can fully calculate what they've done to you. So Stephen tells this story and he says Joseph forgave them. Go back to Acts chapter seven. Not only did he forgive them, but he gave them houses, he gave them food in a famine, he provided for them. And in Acts chapter seven, it says, "From here the whole family, 75 in all," verse 14, "came, and even Jacob the father of Joseph came down to Egypt, living 17 years with Joseph. And their bodies were brought back to Shechem". In other words, Joseph forgave his brothers, took care of them, took care of all their children, their grandchildren. Talk about radical forgiveness.
Some of you are like, "I can forgive them, but don't ask me for a dime because I know what you did". But Joseph not only forgave them but paid for their houses, paid for their food, took care of their kids. And y'all go, "That's just too radical for me". But yet Joseph lived a blessed.. this is why Jesus said in Matthew 5:7, "Blessed are the merciful". We are blessed when we walk in mercy. "Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy". Jesus said, "When you pray, every time you pray, pray these words, 'Our Father who art in heaven,'" if you wanna say it with me, "hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive..."
All right, stop right there, stop right there. Y'all are like, "Wait a minute. Why did He sneak that line in there"? Forgive me as I forgive, fill in the blank. Lord, forgive me the way that I forgive her. And God goes, "You sure about that? Because the way you forgave her is probably not the the way you want me to forgive you". Lord, forgive me the way that I forgive whoever is responsible for these high gas prices right now at QuikTrip. And God goes, "I've heard what you've said under your breath about whoever is responsible for this. You sure you want me to forgive you the way you forgive him"?
So Peter asks this question when he is talking to Jesus. He says, "How many times do I have to forgive someone"? Jesus says, "Seven times 70". Peter says, "I was thinking only seven times. Seven times, that's pretty generous. Then we get to cancel 'em, cut 'em off, excommunicate them from church, never allow them back into our lives. Be totally done with them forever. Wish that they would burn in hell". Jesus says, "No, I say forgive them seven times 70". Peter goes, "490 times"? Jesus says, "No". In other words, you can't put a limit on forgiveness because the Greek word for forgiveness means to exhale. In other words, if you don't wanna forgive, you're choking yourself. How long can you hold your breath? How long can you hold your breath? Our kids, we always have this competition. How long can I hold my breath under water? Hold my breath, don't exhale, don't come up for air. Don't get your air back. It kills you. Eventually, you pass out or you die.
Jesus says, if you wanna keep living, you gotta keep on breathing, which means you gotta keep on forgiving. Inhale the mercy, exhale the mercy. Inhale His forgiveness for you 'cause you know you need it. You know you've messed up. You need His forgiveness. And as much as you inhale it, let it out. Breathe out the forgiveness of God on others. If you've inhaled it, exhale it. If you've got all that air inside for you, because when you miss it, you want grace. When your kids miss it, you're hoping the teacher gives 'em grace. When your friends that are close to you that you'll fight for, when they miss it, you're okay with grace. But when somebody wrongs you, you're like, "No grace for them," and God says, "As much as you need it, give it away". As much as you need that forgiveness.
How do I forgive? Number one, I've gotta remember what I've been forgiven of by God. Everybody say, remember, remember. Remember what you've been forgiven of by God. Number two, reflect on how Jesus forgave those who killed Him and all of us of our sin. In Luke 24, Jesus said, "Father," from the cross, while He's dying, while people are making fun of Him, mocking Him, putting a spear in His side, putting wine to His mouth, telling Him that He's a heretic, He says, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do".
Father, reflect on how Jesus forgave people. And even said they're ignorant of how much pain they've caused. Because some of us in the room, we go, "They know how much". No, people don't fully know how much pain they've caused. They don't, we don't. Jesus says, "I forgive them because I believe they don't even realize what they've done". Reflect on how Jesus forgave those. If Jesus forgave, if anyone in the room has been crucified before, then you can maybe be on the same side. But none of us in this room have ever hung on a cross before. Yet Jesus did, and in hanging on a cross, He forgave people and even said they know not what they do.
Thirdly, how do I forgive? I recite the Lord's prayer and I pause on the part about forgiveness. I just get there and I go, "Lord, forgive me as I forgive," and again, it's a process. I gotta keep saying it, I gotta keep speaking it by faith. Forgiveness is a faith act, by the way. Doesn't mean you have to feel it, doesn't mean that it's all perfect, but you just go, "By faith, I forgive them. By faith, I release them".
Number four, I release the need to see people suffer or pay for, I want the band to come out, I release the need to see people suffer or pay for it. Some of us in the room, we would go, "I forgive them, but I wanna see them suffer. I forgive them, but I need to see them die. I want them to burn in hell for what they did". Y'all are like, "He is being way too honest up on stage". If I don't talk about it here, CNN's gonna keep talking about it with another shooting. Fox News is gonna dissect it. And I think the church needs to really dive into where do all of these murderous thoughts come from? Where does all of this hostility, Where do all the church splits and the division and the strife? What got the book of Acts, what got them the blessing of God and what caused the pain to happen in their church? It was all anger, unforgiveness.
Even when later on in the book of Acts, Paul has a dispute with Mark. They literally get in like this fight. They never want to talk to each other again. They're just like, "I'm done". And Barnabas is fighting for their hearts to be reconciled to each other. In the Book of Acts, there's moments where the disciples get in sharp disputes with each other, with other religious leaders. There's hurt, there's anger, there's strife. And Jesus said there's going to be offenses. It is inevitable to go to church, to be around flawed humans, flawed Christians, and not experience hurt and offense. That's going to happen. But what you do with it will determine the blessing you walk in or the blessing you reject. Ultimately, unforgiveness keeps us in chains.
And when I have unforgiveness, I'm literally wrapping myself up in chains. Drew, this time I'll put it on you instead of Tim. Tim's like, "Not me again". Will you hold this side? And I'm saying, man, I wanna move forward. I want to go forward into God's calling. Here's what bitterness does, it entangles me. It entangles me, and I'm trying to move forward. I want you to just pull, Drew. I'm trying to move forward towards my destiny, but I'm still chained to my history of what someone did to me. Paul, I'm trying to move forward and I just can't figure out why I'm not happy. I just can't figure out why all my relationships are not good. I can't figure out why I can't be peaceful. I can't figure out why I can't sleep at night.
In Acts chapter eight, there's a guy who gets saved, Simon, the sorcerer, and he tries to pay to get the power of God. And Peter rebukes him, he says, "You cannot buy the power of God, it is not for sale". But then he says this, go to 8:20. 24, actually. I don't have my, my Bible's over there, verse 23. No, no, no, don't let me get it, Drew, keep me back. There it is. Peter says this, "I see that you are in the gall of bitterness". Your version might say, "Your heart is trapped in bitterness". John Bevere calls offense the bait of Satan. The Greek word for offense is scandalon, which means a trap. It is a trap to carry an offense towards people, to carry hurt, to carry un... And it traps you and it chains you so you can't move forward. The only way to get out of the gall of bitterness, the only way for these guys to be free of greed and hurt.
Anger says, "You owe me, you owe me"! The only way to be free of the you owe me mentality is to say, "No, you don't owe me because Jesus has paid the price. He's paid the price and I forgive you and I receive His forgiveness. As much as I need it, I've gotta release it. You no longer owe me". Anger says, "You owe me, you owe me an apology, you owe me my life, you owe me a year back for what you stole from me". And yet forgiveness goes, "No, no, that was a painful year. But God used what the enemy meant for harm to do something deep inside my spirit, and what was supposed to end me, what was supposed to kill me... I got unraveled from the chains of my past. So I'm no longer attached to my past. I can now move forward".
Forgiveness sets you free. Forgiveness unlocks your future. Forgiveness unlocks, watch what happens in Acts chapter seven at the end of Stephen's life, I'm almost done, give me like one more minute. In verse 57, at the end of Stephen's sermon, the religious people covered their ears, yelling at the top of their voices, unhinged. We're in an age of outrage, people have lost... They no longer have a short fuse. They don't have a fuse at all. Whether it's on social media or in real life action, we're seeing this play out, the age of outrage. "They dragged Stephen out of the city and they began to stone him. Meanwhile, the witnesses were laying their coats at the feet of a young man named Saul. While they were stoning Stephen, Stephen looked up to heaven and said, 'God, receive my spirit.' He fell on his knees and he cried out".
I wonder if Saul was listening, what Stephen would say. If Stephen would scream, "Lord, make them pay for what they did! Send them to hell for this. Make them die for this, make their kids," you know, like Davidic Psalm prayers, "make everybody pay for this". But instead Stephen says, "Lord, don't hold this sin against them". What if Stephen's forgiveness was a seed towards Saul's future? What if Stephen's forgiveness was what would later unravel Saul's heart of bitterness so he would become the most influential writer in the New Testament, writing 13 books? Saul would later become Paul the apostle. And I believe this moment where he witnessed Stephen forgiving his killers, forgiving those people who had rushed him out of the city, when he saw this, something was happening.
I want you to stand your feet all over this room. You have no clue what forgiveness will do, not just for you, but for everyone around you. Forgiveness is a gift to your life more than it is a gift to the person who hurts you. Forgiveness is not really a gift to someone who lets you down, forgiveness is a gift to you. Forgiveness is setting a prisoner free only to realize the prisoner was you all along. It was me. Forgiveness builds up my mercy trust fund for the times in my future that I'll need forgiveness. We don't know when we're going to need it, but someday we will. And if we sow good seeds of mercy, we'll reap a harvest of mercy. Forgiveness opens the door to God's favor. Psalm 133 says, "Where there is forgiveness, there is the blessing of the Lord. Where brothers dwell together in love and unity, there's a blessing".
Oh God, forgive us of any hurts, bitterness that we've been holding onto, un-dealt with wounds that we have allowed to turn poisonous. God, just begin to drain out the poison. Do heart surgery right now in this service. I pray, God, that you would pull out every weed, everything, every stone that's been sitting in our hearts from what happened when we were young, what happened even in the last week, what happened even this morning on the way to church. I pray, God, that we would be a church that is free of bitterness. Lord, a church that is full of love, acceptance, forgiveness, a church, God, that welcomes home the sinner, God, a church that chooses to walk in grace and mercy, lifting people up, getting down in the dust and saying, "Go and sin no more. Where are your accusers? Neither do I condemn you".
I pray in Jesus' name, God, that we would walk in that mercy you preached about in the beatitudes. Blessed are the merciful. Blessed are the peacemakers. Blessed are the meek in heart. Blessed are the poor in spirit. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst in righteousness. Blessed are the Stephens. Blessed are those who say, "Do not hold this sin against them". Oh God, I pray that we would be full of radical forgiveness. Spirit, I pray, God, that you would birth the fruits of the Spirit, love, joy, peace, patience, forbearance with one another, kindness, gentleness, self-control, God. With heads bowed and eyes closed, I just wanna give an opportunity for anyone in the room today that you just say, "I need to let go of some things. I need to surrender some things at the altar". Maybe you need to forgive yourself. Maybe you're here today and you say, "I need forgiveness. I need God's mercy. I need God's healing in my mind and heart. I've been walking through some things. I need to forgive some people who have hurt me. I need to get on a path of forgiveness".
I'm not saying it's just gonna be a one-time thing. I'm just saying maybe today is a step on the journey, a step towards healing, a step towards reconciliation, a step towards hope, a step towards restoration. If that's you today, I want you to raise your hand all over this room, you're saying, "I need to show forgiveness, I need to receive forgiveness. I need to extend mercy, I need God's healing in my heart". If you raised your hand or you wanted to, would you leave your seat, come and join me at this altar? If you gotta run down here, if you gotta walk fast, if you gotta bring a family member, bring a son, bring your great-niece, bring your aunt, bring your uncle, bring your wife, bring your husband, whatever you gotta do to say, "Today, I want the Holy Spirit to start healing areas in my heart where there has been unresolved conflict, where there's been unresolved anger, where there's been resentment".