Michael Todd - When Men Mend: Dealing With Our Damage First
Welcome to week five of a series we’re in called «Damage but Not Destroyed.» This series has started healing all over the world, and if you have not walked with us through the last four messages, I’m asking you, I’m begging you, I’m pleading with you to go back on YouTube this week and watch all of them. Just have them playing in your house—go to sleep to it instead of Netflix. Just put on YouTube and play «Damage but Not Destroyed.» Allow this to begin to permeate you, because I believe that God is starting to allow His people to deal with damage. Our shout next year will not be restrained by what we have not dealt with.
When the Bible says to deal with all your weights and the sin, many of the issues of our trauma and drama are weights that God is saying aren’t sins anymore, but they’re weighing you down. We have committed to a season of healing. Look at your neighbor and say, «It’s healing season.» I know when it starts getting warm outside, everybody thinks it’s cuffing season, and you’re ready to have a bae, ready to cuddle next to someone. But before you get a bae, you need healing. I’m going to say it one more time: before you do your third marriage, let’s go to therapy. It’s called insanity to do the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. I believe it’s time for the body of Christ to heal.
Somebody say, «It’s healing season.» Today, I have a burden, not just a message. I have a burden that came to me, and I was really trying to fight it off because I’ve never done this before. I’ve never felt I had to talk directly, firmly, and strongly to a group of people listening to this message right now in such a way that I told them I couldn’t stand; I needed to sit down. Put something beside me—do something different because this is different from what I’m used to doing. I know today that I need to specifically talk to men. I know this church is filled with 85% women—God bless you—but may I submit to you that the problem with our society is not on your shoulders. I know I’m not going to get a lot of applause for this, but may I submit to you that the reason the enemy has been able to run rampant in our society, in our families, and on our kids is that men have gotten out of place. We had a whole hot girl summer this past summer.
All the speakers were women. Everything was geared toward women, but we need a hot men’s sermon today. I’m going to be humble, open, and transparent with men. Ladies, I need you to know this may be the most important message you ever hear because everybody is affected by the men in their lives or the lack of men in their lives. This message will teach women how to pray for their men—not just abuse them, bash them, and tell them what they don’t do. It’s going to teach them how to pray with specificity, accuracy, and intentionality for the men of God that you have in your life or the men you may be raising. Today, I want to give you a vision, ladies, for the type of men you want to lead you.
Let me say it like this: it’s less important where your man takes you on your first date, and more important that he understands his God-given mandate. I don’t know if you were in the dark like me, but this past week, I had the opportunity to put Christ in the middle of culture. Your pastor was on «The Breakfast Club» this past Tuesday. While I was up there talking about «Damage but Not Destroyed» and sharing the love of Christ, they brought up this list. He said, «Tell them about the list, Pastor.» Well, there was this list that a conglomerate of women got together and made about places you cannot take them on their first date. It was a very extensive list—exhaustive! I mean, it had like 27 or 30 things on it. They started off strong; they were like, «You can’t take me to Cheesecake Factory.» I said, «That is not cheap! That bread is the only free thing at Cheesecake Factory!»
Y’all know the brown bread. As I began to see how this cultural phenomenon took over people’s ideas, I thought they were focused on the wrong thing. It’s not a relationship goals series, but I felt like it’s less important where your man takes you on a first date and more important that he has a vision from God about the mandate of why he is here. I came to the conclusion that you only make lists when somebody doesn’t know how to lead. The only reason you need to make a list is because somebody is not walking in their dominion and leading where people need to go. The truth is, the only reason that list could exist is because there has been an epidemic of passive men that has flourished in the body of Christ and in the world. The women of God—and women in general—are looking to be led.
Ladies, y’all should have amen’d more than that! Some of you are like, «I’m not looking—I’m on my own.» Calm down! The only reason you take somebody’s place is because they’re out of it. I just feel like I have to sit here and look at you and let you know that today, the men of God need to deal with our damage first. Most of us are hoping our women get it together so it rubs off on us. If she would just get it together. God is coming to your house today and saying that I commanded and mandated the man to do everything in the household first. The woman was taken out of man’s rib; the man was already here. God said it’s not good for him to be alone—not that it’s not good for him not to lead. But since the very beginning, instead of taking responsibility, we place blame.
Oh, y’all don’t remember? Remember Adam? Why did you eat the fruit? Do you remember? Eve ate the fruit. God talked to Adam. Go read it! He didn’t address them as equals; He spoke to the one He gave leadership to. And what did he do? He said, «It was the woman you gave me!» He shifted blame when he should have repented. I cannot believe that the God who, after man is separated from Him, makes us come back to Him through repentance, would not have saved all that time if Adam had just said, «It was me; my bad, God. I didn’t give her full instructions of what you said, and even when she offered me the fruit, I loved her so much, but I knew what you said. I was weak in that moment; I turn and repent.» Since Adam, we’ve been shifting blame. The damage that happened to you may not have been your fault, but it is now your responsibility. Today, I want to entitle the message «When Men Mend.»
Mark 1:14 says, «Now after John was put in prison, Jesus came to Galilee, preaching the gospel of the Kingdom.» It’s the only thing He preached, saying, «The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand. Repent and believe in the gospel.» As He was walking by the Sea of Galilee, He saw Simon and Andrew, his brother, casting a net into the sea, for they were fishermen. Then Jesus said to them, «Follow me, and I will make you become fishers of men.» They immediately left their nets and followed Him. When He had gone a little farther from there, He saw James the son of Zebedee and John, his brother, who were also in the boat mending their nets. When men mend!
Immediately He called them, and they left their father Zebedee in the boat with their hired servants and went after Him. God, teach every man that it is Your desire for us to mend. In Jesus' name, amen. Ooh! I’m about to work this! The first four men that Jesus calls to be disciples were fishermen. That could also be said they were men who knew how to mend because you cannot be a fisherman and throw your net out there day after day without there being a tear, rip, or breach in your net. So these men Jesus walked up to could have been anyone, but He chose to make disciples out of men who mended—men who used their hands to build up and not tear down, men who didn’t just use things but knew how to put them back together. That phrase «mending their nets» was used in Mark 1:19 and Matthew 4:21, but it comes from the same Greek word: «katartizo.»
How do you spell that? K-A-T-A-R-T-I-Z-O. I practiced that for a long time! But look at the meaning: it means to repair men. Watch this! One, prepare, or restore. This Greek word that means mending their nets signifies that the men God chose in the very beginning were men who knew how to fix things after damage. They were men who knew how to prepare and fortify things before damage and men who knew how to restore and bring things back to their original form. Great! Is that how you would describe the men in your life? If not, this is not a message to bring anybody down; it’s a message to raise the bar. It’s a message to bring everybody up to understand that until men of God get into their rightful place—mending the nets, mending relationships, mending breaches, mending the brokenness—we will always have things slip through what should have been caught by us.
We have children slipping through our nets. We have resources slipping through our nets. We have confidence slipping through our nets. We may live in the most insecure generation of men ever. You look at them; they’re not confident in anything they do. What do you do? «You know, I’m really between jobs…» No! No! Say it with your chest! «I am a bathroom technician!» Say it with something in you! It’s not where I’m going to be forever, but this is where I am right now, and I’m not ashamed of the process. Please do not let social media and people’s opinions make you ashamed of the process God has you in. David’s first time to the palace was as a servant; he was spotlighted for King Saul.
I want you to think about this: he played a tune. All he did—that was his first time to the palace—but the place he would rule in was the place he had to serve first. We have so many people ashamed of the process God has them in, and because of that, we have not been taught to mend nets. When I started to research this mending of the nets, I realized it was something passed down from generation to generation. That means if your father was not there, you did not learn how to mend nets properly. The truth of the matter is we live in the most fatherless generation in history, where men can plant their seed but not raise the tree. Then they are ashamed of the fruit it produces, but the problem is that we will not learn this skill.
This very intricate skill—you can’t mend without intimacy. You have to put your hands on something; you have to be gentle with it; you have to be delicate to mend. But men have been emasculated and taught that being delicate is weak. Being careful with our word choice, you have to shut the hell up! Oh, I know y’all are already thinking about what you told your kids yesterday. You feel like because you’re an adult, you’re the man, and you shouldn’t have to explain yourself. No, no! They may need to learn how to mend a relationship without going off on somebody when they’re frustrated. But you didn’t see it, so you can’t teach it. This word «mending nets» means to—everybody say it—repair, fix after damage. Everybody say it—prepare, that’s fortifying before damage. And then restore—bring things back to their original form.
When I looked at the men that Jesus chose to carry the gospel—think about this! He only chose a few men, and all the men He chose in the beginning were menders. This tells me that a common practice for men before the modern era of technology was mending. There was no Geek Squad, no tech support, or net support. There was no place you could go to get your net fixed. It was a common practice for men to know how to put things back together—not just use things, not just break things, not just make things, but mend things. I believe with all my heart that Jesus desires men to mend again. By faith, somebody needs to agree with me right there! It is time for us to mend again.
Maybe you’ve never seen it; maybe you’ve not been a part of it. Maybe it’s going to take a lot of work for you to actually come off of the pride you’ve built up to not do it, but the first person to say sorry in your household should be the man of God. The first person to say sorry, the first person to go, the first person to open a Bible—and the whole church, as a body of Christ right now, is very feminine! Oh God! We have more men that know the lyrics to rap songs that degrade the relationships they want to have than the scriptures hidden in their hearts. How does a young man, a young woman keep their way pure? By hiding the Word of God in their heart. You’ve got Drake songs in your heart, and now you’ve made babies that you don’t have anything to pass on except the damage.
So what’s not transformed is transferred. I’m looking you dead in your face; it is real quiet in here, Mama Chloe, 'cause the truth of the matter is you have learned that correction is threatening instead of correction being for your benefit. LeBron James has a coach, Michael Jordan had a coach, Tiger Woods had a coach. The greatest to do things at their level paid people to correct them. And because we feel like everybody trying to come at us, can’t nobody judge us except God, life—because of this warped mentality that has crept into the church—we think correction means separation from people. Except the Bible says God chastens or corrects the ones that He loves.
So, three areas that I believe men need to become professionals at mending: Number one, we need to mend the relationship between us and Him. How did prayer get out of schools? 'Cause men didn’t stand up. How? There are so many real things coming to my head right now, Carl. I don’t know if I can say all of them; we might need to have like a closed men’s meeting. Why do these young ladies dress in a way that is provocative and suggestive under the age of 16? It’s because the men in their life did not affirm them and give them value beyond their curves. So to get the affirmation you should have given them, they feel they have to do things to get the attention that the man in their life was supposed to give them. And because in some cases the men in their life were so perverted that they violated them, their minds now are warped to what a father, a man, even the baritone in your voice is supposed to mean.
So now they’re going to take control into their own hands, and that’s where this whole sexuality movement comes in: «I control my own body.» Most people were violated, and so instead of being submitted to what the Word of God or Father God says, they have to take control 'cause the earthly men in their lives did not mend. So the first relationship that needs to be mended is our relationship between us and Him. Ephesians chapter 2—I’m going to read a thick piece of Scripture right here, and I want you to see how God made a plan for us to be mended back to Him after we were separated in the garden. As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins in which you used to live when you followed the ways of the world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient.
That is a lot of Bible right there. You serve the devil if you don’t serve God; that’s what that first part of Scripture says. I just want everybody to know that if you don’t get in the kingdom of God, you are serving under the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient to God. We’ll leave that right there. Verse 3: All of us also lived among them at one time, so everybody that got real churchy and religious, you were there too. He said we used to gratify the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature, by this fallen nature, deserving of wrath. But everybody say, «but.» But because of His great love for us—God, I love this because it is not religion, there’s no church there, there’s no organization— but because of His great love for us, who you talking about, God who is rich in mercy made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in our transgressions.
What this says is when you were going after God and going away from God, God was coming after you. While you were dead in your transgressions, He was like, «But they’re going to turn around. They’re going to find out that there’s a better way.» And He said, «It is by grace you have been saved.» And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with Him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus in order that in the coming age He might show the incomparable riches of His grace expressed in His kindness to us in Christ Jesus. What God is wanting to do in this age and in the next is—see how jacked up they were? Look how much grace I put on them, and now look at them. He wants to show off His grace by how messed up we were being mixed with how good He is, and us still getting to the finished product we don’t even deserve.
Oh, I love God for it! It is verse 8: by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not from yourselves. There’s no class you took to deserve this; there are no good deeds you did. I know you think you’re a good person, but there was only one of those; His name was Jesus. This is a gift of God, not by works so that no one can boast. For we are God’s—watch this—handiwork. We are the thing that God decides to put His hands on. As the man of man, the man of men, the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, He said, «With all my power, I want to be in the details.» Do y’all remember how we were created? He put His hand in the dirt; He put His hand on us. Everything else He spoke to—"Let there be light.» He never touched the sun, stars, or Earth.
The first time He touches the Earth was to make us. Why did He want to put His hand on us? 'Cause He wanted to be in the details of knitting us together, so it would be handcrafted, handmade, His handywork, His design. We are His masterpiece created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. This makes me think about Psalms 139: «For you created my innermost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.» Real men mend. They mend their relationship between themselves and God. If you want to be a real man, get your stuff right with God. Stop blaming everybody else. Stop telling everybody why you can’t. If somebody would just see… no, no, no, if God is for you, who could be? Did y’all just see Will Heckenbach up here?
I was in the back when he was giving his testimony. He was in prison, and now he’s ministering in prisons. Y’all don’t know, y’all don’t know when to shout. He gave y’all insight. He said he went back into the prison, and it shocked him because he was able to go and come as he pleased. Do you know how many days he probably looked at those metal bars and said, «I wish I could get out of here»? But while he was in jail, God was mending him back together, y’all! I believe that many of the trials that men go through are an opportunity for you to see that you cannot do it on your own. Your failure is a path to faith. I believe sometimes God intentionally allows you to fall flat on your face so you can see you’re not God.
After all the times He preserved you, after all the times that you should have died because of alcohol poisoning, after all the babies you have with all of these women, and none of them have killed you yet—that’s a real situation. After God, after that record being what it was, and God allowing you to find the one employer who would look beyond your faults and see your need, after Him picking your business back up after three failed attempts, you still going to sit in the place of Lord and King? The first relationship that every man needs to mend is your relationship with Him. If you’re in this room, before the end of this service, you’re going to have a chance to walk out of here mended back to your heavenly Father. Okay, all men need to mend their relationship with God.
Number two, every man needs to mend the relationship between us and them. We need to mend the relationships between us and other people. Now, this one is the hard one 'cause what keeps men from mending relationships is pride. Some of y’all have not mended relationships with your spouse, with your children, with old relationships, with business partners because of your pride. And I just want to let you know it might be costing you more than you think it is. Ephesians 4:25, «So stop telling lies. How you doing, bro? I’m good.» No, I’m good. «I just don’t mess with them.» No, no, no, no, no, no. «I’m good. Just hey, he stays over there, I’ll stay over here. If he comes back, it’s on site!» Y’all know what I’m talking about. On site? Like, that means, «No, somebody’s like, 'On site? Sally, I don’t understand; are they in the same vicinity? ' Okay, let me help you, Sally: if somebody says it’s on site, that means when they get together, there won’t be any talking.»
Oh my God, that’s very, very aggressive! Yes, on site is very aggressive, but the truth of the matter is Ephesians tells us to stop telling lies. You’re not good; you’re hurt. You’re angry; you’re frustrated; you feel disrespected. There should be more amens in here from men, but the problem is you haven’t even been conditioned or given permission to feel. So when you actually want to say something, you shut up. Can I still… I’m doing a whole message on men, and all I hear is the ladies? Yes, say that! Okay, like, the men—what they doing? You might not be doing it physically, but we’re doing it emotionally. You’ve been protecting yourself since seven, and what I’m telling you is pride may have served you in a season to survive, but it’s no longer serving you. If you are going to be the type of man that God has called us to be, and we’re going to be the ones to deal with our damage first, you have to kill pride in your life.
So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth. This is what the Scripture says. Not God, He already knows it. «No, God knows my heart!» Yes, but your brother doesn’t. «I don’t know, I already talked to God about it.» Now you need to talk to your wife. He’ll give you the words to say. He’ll give you the desire and the power to do what pleases Him. But many times, we’re not doing what we need to do because we think it stops with God. But healing always happens person to person. It’s why James tells us to confess our sins one to another, pray for each other, and that’s when healing actually comes. So most of us, especially as men, we’ve confessed it to God, but we still haven’t experienced healing because we have not confessed it to anybody else.
This is why many of us need therapy. This is why all of us need community. You need a small group that you can walk in and say, «My wife is on my last nerve, bro. I mean, the smell of the wig is getting on my nerves.» I’m talking about, she leaned over to kiss me, and I was like, «Ew!» You can’t say that to her. But she said, «Better not!» Because the truth of the matter is there are some emotions in there; there are some frustrations in there. But who can you say? How can you get it out of you? And until you let pride die, you can’t do it. Let me finish reading the Scripture: «Stop lying; let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. And don’t sin by letting anger control you.»
Did I just describe most men? We know one emotion; it’s the one we go to faster than any other one. It really is a cover-up for what we’re really feeling. When we feel rejected, we’re angry. When we feel disrespected, we’re angry. It’s the easy one to go to, and we have torn our children, our wives, and our brothers down with the one emotion of anger. And the Bible is addressing it right here: «Don’t sin by letting anger control you!» It doesn’t mean you can’t have it, but if it’s controlling you, if it makes you do something afterward that doesn’t go to God, if it makes you damage something or somebody—some of y’all got more holes in your walls, pictures… it’s like, what were you guys doing? «Oh, okay, I see the abstract that you were going for in the decor!»
Like, the truth of the matter is it’s just patches over places, and then you justify it by saying, «At least it wasn’t their face.» Hold on, wait, what? Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry. Everybody that says that Scripture is like, «'Cause we need unity!» So do not let husbands and wives let the sun go down on your anger because God blesses unity! Yes, He does. But if you read the rest of the Scripture, it tells you why you don’t want to go to bed angry, and most people miss this part: «For anger gives a foothold to the devil. When you don’t mend, you lose.» Oh, let me say it like this: «When you don’t mend, you leave room for the devil to come in.» Some of you… why? Why? I just got this! Oh, I just got these urges right now! Who are you angry at? I know I’m about to do something dumb, bro! I know I’m about to do something dumb! She’s got one more time to say something to me, and I promise you I’m going to show you who you’re really angry at.
Nothing is happening for me, man. I’ve been working this whack job delivering these whack packages to all these whack people. I have this great idea; why won’t God let this get off the ground? Who are you angry at? When you’re angry, you open the door. It’s a foothold. You know how when a door is closing, and then somebody says, «Uh, see»? There’s something about having access when you’re inside doors that have something precious behind them. The only place where someone unauthorized can get in is when you’re not watching. When the door is closing, so many times, you’re in your heart because that’s why the Bible says to guard your heart above all else, because out of that place flows the issues of life. Because anger is in there, it’s like the devil just putting his foot in the door. He doesn’t even have to come in right now; he just has access.
Yeah, I’m going to wait until about 1:30 after «Link Hip Hop» goes off, and you’re still angry, huh? Your wife’s sitting right next to you, but I’m going to let you get on social media and go into vanish mode. Some of y’all don’t know what vanish mode is; it is a mode on Instagram that deletes the messages and DMs immediately. She said, «Shut up!» I thought that was something to do with the Holy Spirit. So, somebody that DMed you six weeks ago, and you’ve been saving that DM, you just opened it up to look for hope, and you just texted them something like, «What you been up to?» Stressed, trying to figure out how to relieve some pain. H? What scripture? I can help you with that. Oh, why did I text? You’re playing, boy. I’m a grown man, but she calls me «boy.» That feels good. I’m telling you what really happened. I’m just going to go to sleep. I’m going to just go to sleep. I’m going to just go to sleep. I’m going to sleep.
Six days later, you stopped it. You ghosted them. Done. But did you deal with the anger? Because if you didn’t deal with it, he still has his foot in the door. The enemy is smart; the Bible says he goes around like a roaring lion seeking whom he might devour. Many times, we leave the door open to the enemy because we have not dealt with the damage: the anger, the isolation, the hurt that’s on the inside of us. God’s idea of men does not work with culture’s idea of man: «Man up. Tough it out. Shut up before I give you something to cry about. Stop being a punk.» Your son is hurting; you’re teaching him at five years old to ignore his emotions. Stop being a little punk. Your sister could have taken that. Their father is not in the home, and you’re giving him an identity that goes against the word of God.
Jesus experienced every emotion; Jesus was allowed to feel that, but you won’t let your son feel it because of the embarrassment it might cause you, because of the deficiencies you haven’t dealt with. No, no, no, I’m just saying: you can’t raise no punk. So when he stops feeling and it turns into anger and rage, you say, «I don’t know what to do with him. I just can’t control him.» You trained him. Every child is programmed; that’s why the Bible says to train a child in the way they should go, so when they get older, they won’t depart from it. The problem is what we’re forgetting about the generation we’re raising right now because we trained them that way. Stop blaming school and the church, because your children’s pastor is you. We made up «children’s pastor» in church to make you feel good about your kids going there, but «children’s pastor» is not in the Bible.
The only children’s pastor is the parents. Your kids are a product of your parenting. I know, I know. And men, you can’t parent without proximity. Oh my God, I’m walking too heavy right now. I know y’all don’t want church people to say this. You want me to tell you your breakthrough is on the way? It doesn’t matter if you get money; if you don’t have a relationship with the seed you brought into this Earth, it doesn’t matter. And you’ve stopped trying because of the baby mama you slept with. That child had nothing to do with it, and now you’ve given up because she’s difficult. You were cheating on her. Okay, let me stop. You act like you weren’t creeping with her friends. You did it, and now you’re mad because she feels rejected again because the man who was supposed to give her identity in the beginning wasn’t there.
So, the first time she was supposed to experience love, she ran into a father who was absent and a man who had not been taught to mend; and yes, she is bitter and broken and mad. If you give her an opportunity, she’s going to slap you. No, you need to deal with your issue. Deal with your issue. Deal with your issue. Ma’am, what I’m saying is just because it’s not working, you don’t get to stop trying. There’s too much at stake. The only reason you go after mending a relationship is because there may be use for it again. These disciples weren’t mending the nets just to throw them away; they were mending the nets in preparation for what was to come next. I keep telling young leaders all the time, you better value the relationships you’re around.
Even when you leave companies and exit stuff, be careful how you leave places and what you say, because this world is small, and the very person you think you’re escaping from, God has a way of, two or three years later, having that be the very person you need. This is why you should always treat people with kindness, and you always mend. He said, «Teach me how.» Coach, I’m glad that you asked. Okay, meekness. Meekness is how I mend my relationship with God. I come under submission. Meekness is not weakness. I want the number one quality on every woman’s list to be meekness. Why? It’s who Jesus was—power under control. I mean, He’s on the cross and literally tells us it’s the most gangster thing: I could call 10,000 angels to get me right now, but I’m choosing to submit to the will of my father. You better be glad I’m meek, because I could tear this place up. I could tear the club up!
When’s the last time you could have, but you didn’t? When’s the last time you knew Shorty would have given it up, and you deleted the whole contact? It’s the truth, anyhow. When’s the last time that you could have made a decision to financially change the trajectory of your family’s life, and you said, «You know what, I’m going to ask God if I’m supposed to do this first. I’m going to submit my will to His will»? No, it’s a great opportunity. Is it an assignment from God, or is it something else to take you away from the family? Okay, last thing: we need to mend our relationship, number one, with us and Him; then we need to, number two, mend our relationship with us and them; and then the last relationship we need to mend as men is we need to mend the relationship between Him and them. Every man is supposed to help other men repair their relationship between God and others. We don’t do this at all.
All we worry about is, I’m right with God, I’m right with my foe, and no more. But what did He tell the disciples? «I’m going to make you fishers of men.» You’re supposed to be the lead disciple-maker in your house. Where’s the church? Does the church have discipleship? Yes, you! Because this takes the responsibility off of everybody else. What scriptures can you give your sons? What scriptures come out of your heart when you’re ready to fight somebody, cuss somebody out, or make a move? What things come out of you? You’re the lead disciple of your household. Even if you don’t have a family yet, your decisions today create your patterns for tomorrow. If you would decide to be a disciple today, when your children come into the world, you then have the ability to love them, raise them, and give them out of your overflow.
Galatians 6:1: «Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in sin, you who live by the Spirit should…» Uh-oh, here’s that Greek word again. The word is «restore» in the Bible. But if you trace it back to the Greek, it’s «katarizo.» Brothers and sisters, if you live in the Spirit, you should mend, repair, prepare, and restore people. But watch yourself, because the way you restore them, you still have the opportunity to be tempted.
The reason I’m up here and I’m sharing my story, and I wrote «Damaged but Not Destroyed,» and I’m telling all my business every week, every week! I went on «The Breakfast Club» this week and told my business. I mean, I’m in the middle of gossip news culture. I was a man obsessed with greatness, and God told me that my standard could not be higher than His. If He said it was good, why do I want it to be great? I need to go to therapy. I was molested at six years old. I forgot about it and blocked it out until I was 31. I was already a pastor. I had to tell my wife what happened to me, and we had to go through counseling together.
God, why am I doing this? Oh, because there’s another man out there that has never seen a man actually help mend him. You’ve never told anybody what actually happened; you never mentioned what you actually saw. You never told anybody you saw that person leaving the house. You never told your parents what happened to you at school because you knew if they knew, they would have hurt that person. And because you actually have a heart of compassion, you didn’t want the person who hurt you to be hurt, so you protected them by hurting yourself. What are you asking us to do, Pastor? 2 Chronicles 7:14: «If my people who are called by my name…» I want to focus on two words: «will humble themselves.» Everything that comes after that, everybody maximizes on the next parts, that they would pray and seek my face. You can’t do that without humility.
What are you saying, Pastor Mike? I’m asking every man in this place to become men who mend. How do we do that? We stop walking in pride, and we humble ourselves. What’s the point of this message, Pastor Mike? Humble yourself! You’ve only heard Kendrick Lamar say it, and you still don’t know how to do it. Humble, because there are only two ways to humility: you humble yourself, or you be humbled. The saddest truth is that many men do not humble themselves until they are forced to. You lost everything; now, God, I’m coming to You. Haven’t y’all seen that every person that’s like an R&B or rap star, when they get to 59, they give their life to Christ at the lowest point of their influence? I’m grateful that they do that, but how many other people could they have helped if they became fishers of men and mended the nets while they were on that platform?
James 4:10: «Humble yourself before the Lord.» Another translation says, «under the mighty hand of God, and He will lift you up in honor.» How do I humble myself? One point: acknowledge God! Listen to me, listen to me, listen to me, because I wanted some. Every man could go home, and every woman, you’re a man with a womb, so this whole message applies to you. But I needed to be very specific to the men of God, but this is for everybody. Everything I said, go back and apply it to yourself. How do we walk in this? Acknowledge God in everything. Proverbs 3:5 and 6: «Trust in the Lord with all your heart.» And this is going to help men: «Don’t lean to your own understanding.» It ain’t that good. I mean, I know I think stuff just between me, my wife, and my kids. I’m thinking about my whole life.
God said, «Don’t even worry, bro. Your understanding—you don’t even have to be good. In all your ways do this one thing: acknowledge Him, and He will make your path straight before you.» Look at your budget. «God, I wasn’t trained on how to do money right, so today I’m acknowledging I need You to help me be a good steward over the finances You gave me.» That’s humbling yourself and acknowledging Him. That means what the enemy has tried to break, before you leave your house and go to work, acknowledge God. «People piss me off.» Oh, y’all want fake prayers? «Father, people be tap dancing on my last nerve, especially at this job I’m at right now. So, God, I’m acknowledging that You can give me both the power and desire to do what pleases You. You’ve called me to be a light in the midst of darkness, so God, I’m acknowledging that it will be Your grace and Your peace that gets me through this day without going off on somebody. In Jesus' name, amen.»
Before you give that message to the youth that you’re trying to help, before you do what you think you know how to do, acknowledge God. I am just a man, and my words fall to the ground, but if you would allow Your Spirit to be on the words that I say, it could go into somebody’s life, Father God, and change them forever. Acknowledge Him in, He will direct your path. Before you buy that dream house and you have the money to do it, He says it might be monetarily the thing to do, but the more square footage is going to make your family move apart. You can’t see it now, but three years down the road, you’re going to be in your man cave, and she’s going to be in her she shed, and your kids are going to be in the game room, while some boy is sneaking out the back. Somebody said, «No, he’s not; he already has.» It’s crazy what you find out years later.
What? Why are you saying this, Pastor Mike? Maybe it’s not that you can’t get the bigger house; maybe you’re not supposed to. But how would you know if you don’t acknowledge Him in all your ways, so He can direct your path? Before you put that child up for adoption, before you take them to Planned Parenthood—and I understand there are real reasons for all kinds of stuff—all I’m saying is, could you acknowledge God in all your ways? Before you pick the college you’re going to, don’t go there just because your friends go there; go there because He’s assigning you. What if you’re at the wrong college and your wife is at the other one, and you went there for dudes you will not be friends with six years from now? In all your ways, acknowledge Him. Before you play the biggest game of your career, acknowledge Him. Can you bring me that net real quick?
I just want everybody to see this mending. I never thought of it as manly until I understood that this is the type of people that Jesus picked. He picked people who would take nets and throw them out, and if something came to cut pieces of the net, to destroy pieces of the net, to break the ties of the net, these men would have to be still enough to see where the breach was. It’s not that many of us don’t know; many of us are too busy to even pay attention. It’s when it’s disconnected, and it doesn’t look big now, but the truth of the matter is one weak place leads to another weak place leads to another weak place, and we’re growing up generationally with holes. What we were meant to catch—a whole person—could slip through. How many people have slipped through your net? How many relationships have slipped through your net? How many conversations could change the trajectory of every holiday you ever have from here on out?
Stop lying; tell the truth, because people are slipping through the net of your life. Mending men, I prophesy this message is going to start a revolution of men who take their space, who do not lead from the back, but will lead from the front. We will be the prayer warriors in our homes; we will be the men who set things in order, not with a strong arm and a hard voice, but with tender compassion and love. We will be the men—men, I feel the power of God. We will speak life into our daughters and speak virtue into our sons. We will esteem our wives, our women, and our sisters. We will be men of valor, men of war. Don’t you come in my house, devil! We won’t passively sit by; we will wage war on the enemy. I believe that there is a season coming in this church where there will be more men serving.
Oh, y’all missed it! More men saying, «No, no, no! They may not have a father, but they will have a father figure. I’m gonna go serve in the children’s area; I’m gonna be in the parking lot; I’m on the security team; I’m worshiping.» I wish that all men would lift up holy hands in worship. I’m undignified; you were out there going crazy. I can’t control myself when I start talking about the Father who loves me. We will be men who cry; we will be men who apologize; we will be men who take responsibility. We’ll be men who let our yes be yes and our no be no. Yes, we will be mending men. Will every man stand in this place? I feel like this is the beginning of a new era because there will be men that deal with their damage.
Everybody say first: don’t let your wife be the first one to sign up for counseling. She’s been begging you to go talk. «I ain’t got to talk to nobody; I don’t know me.» Nobody knows you? You don’t even know you! Why do you feel the way you feel? You don’t know. It was old white ladies that helped me. I say that because I want to break every stereotype. How does she know a black man? She doesn’t, but everyone knows what emotions are, and everyone knows what it means to be oppressed and suppressed at some level. It was older white women that helped this big braided black man. I just want to let you know that there’s no right way to do this; this is about progression, not perfection. Maybe y’all do need to go to family counseling. Maybe for Christmas this year, everybody gets counseling. Y’all are playing, but them Jordans aren’t making anything better; those iPhones have not changed anything.
It’s just taking you further apart. They got an Xbox, and they’re going to X you out of their lives. But what would happen if we became mending men? Sons, you may have to go and start the conversation with your father. He wasn’t given the tools; he doesn’t even know how to say, «I’m sorry.» But you could become what he wasn’t. You could be a mending man; he could look at you and think, «I want to be like him when I grow up.» I want to tell you a story where I felt very inadequate. I’m going to be very vulnerable right here. My wife and I went to an awards show in Las Vegas earlier this year, and we bought this beautiful fuchsia dress. She got her hair done, makeup done; we’re headed to the awards show. My wife asked me to help her zip up this dress. The dress is expensive; it’s been tailored; it looks perfect. And in my newfound strength, I went to pull it up, and the zipper broke.
Now, it wasn’t one of those regular zipper breaks; it was one where it started coming apart in the middle. Y’all know what I’m talking about, right? You zip it up, and some of it zips up, and then you think it’s all zipped, but then the middle starts going. So, it’s zipped up in the back and zipped up at the bottom, but the middle has all her undergarments exposed. It’s ten minutes before we’re supposed to be on the red carpet. I prayed. I spoke to it. I fasted. I did everything in that moment. I laid hands on it; there was nothing I could do. Natalie said, «I’m just going to go back to the hotel.» I was like, «First off, I don’t even look good without you on the red carpet. I’m not going to this award show without you. This is the whole reason we came.» I was like, «All right, we’re going back to the hotel.» The Holy Spirit told me to go out to the car, and I went out to the car. Charles was in the car.
Now I had to let my pride go at that moment because I messed it up. It was my trying to fix it that broke it, but I had no tools to fix it. I was with Scott, Charles, and Cordell. I looked around and thought, «Who can help me?» Scott cannot help me in this situation. I looked at Cordell and thought, «Cordell does not have what I need.» Then I looked at Charles, and I said, «Charles, bro, do you know how to sew?» I was expecting a «no, bro,» but he said, «My granny, Estelle, taught me how to sew.» I said, «I need you—come quick!» I felt like Batman. «Come quickly!»
So, Charles and Natalie were in the women’s bathroom of this establishment, being loud enough to ensure no women would come in there with us. Charles took a needle and thread, and while I stood on the sidelines, he began to mend Natalie into the dress. Now watch: I’m sitting there, and all I could do was cheer for him, encourage him, and tell Natalie it was going to be okay. But he was the mending man. I literally watched another man put his hands close to my wife’s butt, and I didn’t care because it was fixing something that I broke. Now watch this. I have pictures of it. Natalie’s joy began to come back. We were in this bathroom, and I watched my brother do something he probably never intended to do: help mend my wife into this dress. I looked at her face over there on the side; she’s crying and saying, «Thank you!»
She looked good in that dress. But watch this, watch this, watch this! We got to the red carpet, and everybody was taking pictures of me and Natalie. Everyone saw it; they did not know that just ten minutes earlier, what was completely damaged and exposing would have kept her from being where she was supposed to be. Until she had a man—a man who knew how to mend—she would have been exposed. I dare say there are too many children and women that are exposed because men have not committed to learning how to mend. The one thing that I know about Charles and the one thing I know about men who mend is that on the red carpet, nobody was thanking Charles. Nobody was clapping for him. Nobody even knew, except me and Natalie.
Sometimes, men who mend don’t get mentioned. It won’t be about the credit on this next one, guys; it’ll be about the outcome. The outcome was she was on the red carpet, confident. It’s not until months later when I’m being vulnerable that the man who mended gets mentioned. You’re going to have to lead, and they may not applaud. You’re going to have to go first, and they may still talk back, but it’s about the outcome, not the recognition. Today, if you’re a man in this room or watching online, and you know that you want to be a man taught by God how to mend—if you need to mend your relationship with Him or need to mend a relationship with someone else, or if you know you’re called to mend relationships between God and other people—I want to ask you to do something huge. I want you to come to this altar right now. Take a step of faith and come. I don’t care who you are or how much money you make.
Oh, ladies, you should be clapping and shouting! I want to pray for you. Come on, as they’re coming, let’s go. We tear them down all the time, tell them they aren’t anything, but let’s thank God right now for men who are deciding to mend. I feel the presence of God. Fellas, more are coming! I see you, and more than I see you, God sees you. He knows what we’ve been through; He knows how we’ve tried to white-knuckle our way through. I need women to be praying right now. He knows the abuse that happened; He knows the things we’ve never said to anybody. I’m looking in your eyes; there’s stuff we haven’t told anybody. He knows the perversion that’s in there, the years, the months. He knows our body count—come on, our wives might not—but He knows all of it, and yet He still looks at you and says, «Son, mighty man of God, man after my own heart.» Who, me? Yes, you!
Today, man, I don’t want us to come to this altar in pride. The one thing God cannot refuse is a broken and contrite heart. I don’t care how many guns you have; I don’t care how much money is in your bank—you cannot protect your heart without God. What happens when men mend? We all win! Oh, God, y’all didn’t even hear me! When men mend, everybody wins! Well, I don’t have to prove myself to anybody, but I can walk in weakness and make decisions that will benefit me. When I can control my body, when I can walk in purity, when I can give as much time to my faith as I do to fantasy football, I’m talking about real stuff, y’all. Everything in here depends on where we stand. Many of our ladies are doing too much work because we’ve abdicated our role.
If you want to be the man, then be the man. She can’t. She wasn’t fashioned to. It’s built into your DNA to provide; that’s why the enemy has come against your confidence. I can’t lead no business? I can’t?! Yes, you can! Yes, you can do everything God’s called you to do! Well, how do I know if it’s God? How do my kids know it’s me? They spend time with me! The only way you know His voice is by being with Him while He’s speaking! How do I know His voice? By His Word! Some of us need to commit to just reading the Bible and figure out how to get His Word hidden in my heart.
Some of us are dealing with same-sex attractions—yes, I said it—but that abuse that happened to you or that feeling or that urge was affirmed by somebody because you weren’t protected. God’s not scared of that; He’s right here with you in it, and neither are we. Today, as a church, we’re going to pray for men, and I’m believing. Yeah, I stopped the whole sermon series just to talk to y’all, and there are probably another 500 brothers attached to each one of y’all who should have been here. We share clips with our boys, highlights with our boys, but when do we start sharing healing? If every man at this altar would, would you lift your hands? It’s a sign of surrender. Could everybody else stand up and stretch your hands this way?
Father God, I’ve spoken with the authority You’ve given me today as a man committed to mending. Today, for every man that’s young and old, white and black, generation to generation, watching online or in the room, God, I’m asking You to do heart surgery on us. Father, do what no narcotic could do; do what no sex could do; do, Father, what no amount of money could do. Could you please mend our hearts? Could you please, Father God, return the sons back to their fathers? Would you do for us even like the prodigal father? God, would you please accept us even though we’ve been in the pig’s pen? God, many of us, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, have been far from You, but God, today we repent, and all that means is we turn back to You and thank You for Your grace and Your mercy, who’s been looking for us the whole time. God, today I thank You that I am talking to mended men. Father, I thank You that You will heal the deep places: the anger, the rage, the hurt, the frustration, the pain, the pornography, God, the passivity, the insecurity, God, the abandonment. I’ve got to camp out right there. I pray against the orphan spirit over every man of God. The men who felt like they did not have protection—who were exposed too early; Father, they didn’t have anybody actually looking out for them. Father, You are not like our earthly fathers; Father, You’re better than even if we had a good father. You’re better than our earthly fathers. Today, Father God, for every man that has felt like they’ve been abandoned and it’s been them against the world, thank You, Father, that they would know that You are for them, You are with them, and You won’t leave them or forsake them. Father, help us to acknowledge You in all our ways, and God, we will obey when You direct our paths. Thank You that mended men will rise up all over the world. Thank You that we will take our place in the house of God. And God, today, as men, maybe for the first time, we are going to praise You for the work that is already starting in our lives. If every man in this place could lift your voice, clap your hands, and give God praise, why don’t we all join with them? Hallelujah! The enemy, the devil, is scared of a praising man. The devil is scared of a man who takes his authority. God, we honor You.
I’m telling you, men of God, you’re about to get your voice back! Oh, I felt that thing! You’re about to get your voice back! You’re not going to have to say much, but what you do say will have authority. You’re going to have dominion. Every man in here, say: «I’ve got dominion!» «I’ve got dominion!» No, say it like you mean it: «I’ve got dominion!» Don’t let the enemy ever lie to you again! You are not a product of your circumstances; you affect your circumstances! This week, God’s going to give you instructions. Don’t play like He’s not speaking to you! Oh man, that must have been the Taco Bell I ate. Taco Bell will tell you a couple of things, but it won’t tell you to write a letter.
Some of you need to write a letter; some of you need to apologize to people from back in college, and you don’t need a response from them; you need to get it out of you. Some of you, there’s a hard conversation you need to have with your wife. It gets really quiet at that point. Well, what if everything messes up? God would rather take your broken pieces and put them back together than try to act like it’s not broken. I believe in you, every man under the sound of my voice. You need community. I just feel alone 'cause you decided to be. You’re going to walk past all these men to get out of here today, and you’re just going to say, «What’s up, bro?» «Man, nice to meet you! What’s your name, bro?» «Bro, where you from?» Be regular! Stop being weird! We’re not in competition with each other; we complete each other.
If all of us right here just supported each other, we wouldn’t need anybody else’s business! Oh God! The beautiful thing about this is every ethnicity, every age group—God has made this place a place where men can take their rightful place. But we don’t lead with our fists or our words; we lead with our actions. Look at the way that I… So, you may have to start being disciplined. You want your wife to start working out? You start working out! No, I’m not the one that needs to; she needed you! We’re going to have to get together and do a whole situation. You’re the leader. Work out for three months and don’t say anything! I moved my gym to my garage to lead my family. I needed her to see me sweating and not say anything. I came in there, «Hey babe, what you doing?» «Making a sandwich.» «You want one?» «No, just trying to keep the bread there.» And then one day, she said, «I’m going to come out there with you.»
It’s in their DNA! Don’t lead with your talk; lead with your actions! Stop buying all that—you start saving! You know she’s going to keep spending; you keep saving! Do what you know! Don’t blame! Prepare! You know Christmas is coming up; you lead, men of God! Without women leading you, you ain’t got no money for a down payment, but you’re dripped out? Lead! Now, hide scriptures in your heart that you’re going to tell your kids one day. Start being a man who worships! There shouldn’t just be teenagers and women at the altar! I’m talking about Sunday morning, the men are at the front like, «Where we at? What song we singing today?» «Wait on the Lord»? I like that one! Bring your swag to it! It doesn’t have to be weak; it just got to be meek now. I feel something.
What would happen if every church, every gym, every auto parts store, every business had men of God on assignment from the King to take up their space in dominion, in arts and entertainment, in the barbering industry, in movies, in music, in government? What if we all came together to worship on Sundays and honor the God who gave us the IM, who provided us with property, and who restored our relationships with our brothers, sons, and fathers? It’s going to be a revolution of mended men. If you’re in this room, whether you’re a woman or a man at the altar or watching at home, and you’ve never accepted Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior, today I want to give you that opportunity.
Nobody leaving, nobody moving; we’ll be home in five minutes, or we’ll be leaving to go home in five minutes, but this is the most important part of the service. You can mend your relationship with God right now. Right now, the chasm has been there, and God’s saying, «This is the easiest part right here.» By faith, you can heal one of those three right now. If you’re in this room and you’ve been doing things your own way, going your own direction, and you need to say, «God, I want to make it right with You. I want to mend. I want You to put me back together again spiritually,» all you have to do on the count of three is lift your hand, and we’re going to say a prayer together. I don’t want pride to keep anyone watching or in this room from making this decision. Some of you need to rededicate your life.
Today is the day that everything changes. I’m drawing a line in the sand; I will not be the same person I was before I came in here today. Your day one—you’re making the greatest decision of your life. Two, it took me from being a liar, a pornography addict, from someone who was a manipulator and lost. It didn’t make me perfect, but it made me progress, and your name will be written in the Lamb’s Book of Life with faith all over the world. Three, just lift your hand—man or woman. I see you, my brother. I see you, I see you, my sister. I see you. Oh, come on, y’all! I see you! I see you! I see you! The greatest decision you could ever make. I see you, but more than me seeing you, God sees you. Hey, we’re a family at Transformation Church. Everybody lift your hands, and let’s just pray this together. Say:
God, thank You for sending Jesus to mend our relationship. Today, I give You my life. I believe You lived, I believe You died, and You rose again with all power. Change me, renew me, transform me. I’m Yours. In Jesus' name, amen.