Michael Todd - Cuffed to the Cuddle
Today I only have four weeks left of cuffing season. Yeah, oh, that’s how I feel. I have 19 more messages; okay, you ain’t going anywhere, we only have four left. This one, I’m going to gently unwrap a gift that’s actually a slap in the face. So, imagine having a box, and then somebody is like, «Open it,» and they slap you. I’m going to tell you upfront, that’s this message, okay? But it may be the most important message in the entire series because this one is about relationships. I know some of y’all are like, «I’m married,» and some of y’all are single, and this one’s really going to hit you.
Some of y’all think that because I’ve been married for 52 years, I don’t need this message—let me just turn it off. This one right here is for everybody! Say everybody. Not just anybody—everybody. Say everybody; that’s everybody. We’ve been in a series called «Cuffing Season.» This is week 14 of this series, and this week, I kind of like how everybody thought this whole series was going to be about relationships, and we kind of didn’t make it about that at all—like, actual relationships. This one is like relationship goals on steroids in one message. And I’m going to give you the title right up front: today, the Holy Spirit told me to talk to you about being cuffed to the cuddle. You are cuffed to the cuddle.
And some people are like, «No, I’m not cuddling. Yeah, that’s not really my thing.» Cool, just give me about 40 minutes to unfold this revelation for you because the body of Christ has been living in this carnal state, turning to things that are not godly for comfort, and they’ve been very intimate and close with it—they’ve been cuddling with things that have the power to kill them. Okay, let’s back up. Somebody is like, «Ew, cuff to the…» Everybody say, «Cuff to the cuddle.» Let’s go here. How many people in this room, no matter if you’re single or married, like cuddling? Come on, let’s just see hands in the air. You can be 600 pounds, and you still make me the little spoon. You hear me? Touch me, woman of God! I love to cuddle with my wife. Even if you’re single right now, there’s something about it.
Have you ever met somebody who gives a good hug? You know what I’m saying? The hug that’s like, «Hold on, get a box of me, get above me.» You know that hug where you have to say, «Get up off me?» There’s something about that embrace, and there’s something that happens—there’s something that happens when an embrace lasts just one second longer than regulation. Y’all know what I’m talking about? Y’all know when somebody hugs you, but it was just too long? Like, «Stop it, that was a little beyond 'hey, what’s up? '» It’s just like, «What were you trying to say to me through that embrace?» And I found out that—let me talk to the single people for a minute—y’all calm down. There’s this idea that in your singleness, you’re missing something; you’re like, «I am lacking a cuddle buddy; I need somebody to keep me warm at night.»
What I’ve found out about cuddling is that most cuddles are a counterfeit connection. Most of the time, when we cuddle with people—I’m talking about people right now—Netflix and chill, just come over and let’s just watch a movie. «Hey, hey, I know you’re an adult, I know I’m an adult. Nothing’s going to happen; let’s just cuddle.» This is stuff we don’t talk about because this is the stuff we see the results of. This is the stuff that we deal with the consequences of, but we never talk about the seed form of it. Because cuddles happen in your consciousness before they ever happen in real life. Now I wasn’t with you this week, and I don’t know what you did, and I don’t know what you’re planning on doing today or tomorrow, but I really feel like God told me to come straight at everybody who has been longing for a relationship more than a relationship with Him. It’s a counterfeit until it has covenant attached to it, okay?
Let me come back. Okay, see, there’s something about a counterfeit, and I’m just trying to walk you slowly into this. Okay, counterfeits—let me just tell you. Most of the people that I cuddled with before Natalie, I knew they weren’t the persons I was supposed to be in covenant with; I just liked cuddling. I liked being close to somebody. I liked somebody having a connection with me that nobody else had. And the truth is, there are people in your life right now that have access to you that nobody knows they have access to you except you and them. Maybe you’re not cuddling physically, but you’re cuddling mentally; y’all are making dreams, visions, and plans together—uh-oh—and you’re nowhere close to covenant, but you’re building something with somebody that’s going to end up being a counterfeit and cause you a catastrophic end because you have been cuffed to a connection that is counterfeit.
The truth of the matter is there are a lot of married people cuddling with someone other than their spouse. We counsel them every week, and you’re on Facebook looking up high school classmates. Maybe we should do uncuffs to the classmates—oh, because I’m in your business. It starts off very pure, like, «How’s business going? You live in Arizona now? Saw your kids are out of the house.» And then, very subtly, one time you’re angry with them, just tired of this belief right now, fill in the blanks. «What do you mean everything looks so perfect in your life?» «I don’t know, nothing really, just a lot of pressure.» «I can help you relieve that pressure; how?»
And for the next four weeks, you’re in different states, but every moment you get, there’s a connection being formed that is cuddling something in your mind, making you look at your current situation and thinking you have a way of escape. Okay, this is about to be too real for a lot of people because it’s your actual life right now. You’re going through the motions, but you’re actually cuffed to the cuddle. Okay, let me just say it—the reason I have to expose this is that most of the people we’re cuddling with that we’re not supposed to have covenant with—it’s a counterfeit. And a counterfeit, if you know anything about counterfeits, has the same visual but not the same value. Y’all ever seen a fake Louis Vuitton purse?
Some of y’all have them by your feet right now. And they carry the visual. I mean, it came in the box and everything; it had a receipt with it. You got it from the corner man on 46th Street North, and he was like, «I got bags.» Like, it carries the bit—and somebody’s mad at me; she is looking at me like, «How dare you.» I’m not hating on you; I’m just saying—if you go to resell it or get it appraised, it doesn’t have the same value. Most of your relationships have the visual but no value. You’re walking around with people and situations that look great, match your outfit, weigh about the same—but don’t get too close; don’t start checking the details; don’t get into the actual feel of the leather. Don’t actually take it to somebody who’s touched the real thing because they will be able to spot a counterfeit immediately. But when all you’ve seen are replicas—okay, see, the counterfeit has the same makeup but not the same material.
A counterfeit has the same look but not the same luxury. And there are many relationships we have been participating in because we’ve been cuffed to the cuddle, cuffed to wanting to be close, cuffed to wanting somebody to know us, feel us, and have us—and he’s ugly! You don’t even find him cute! Can we be honest right now? You’re not even attracted; you’re not attracted! And some of y’all think I’m just talking about a relationship, but apply it to the business partner too. Oh, you’re not even attracted to that, but it is convenient. See, there’s a thing that happens when you’re not attracted but you’re available. A lot of the relationships we have are not about attraction; they’re about availability, who picks up the phone when I call, who shows up?
Okay, stop settling for counterfeit cuddles. Um, write this down: a counterfeit connection—this is the reason I’m saying this, and I’m trying to build this—because a counterfeit connection or counterfeit relationship can leave you compromised. The question I have for you today is: who are you cuddling with? Who, when you get in trouble, do you climb into their lap? Not even physically; just, «I’m mad,» whose lap do you climb into to start talking about how frustrated you are? He said, «Pissed,» church so much more for you. I’m into it—when you’re frustrated, when you’re bothered, whose lap do you lay in when you’ve believed a lie about yourself? Who do you get in bed with? «I’m just gonna lay here by myself, thinking positive thoughts. Oh Lord, I’m not bothered, but great is your mercy. Thank you, Lord, for being my safe place in the time of need because I’m mad and I want somebody to hold me. I want something to make me feel comfortable.»
That’s why a lot of y’all got a bunch of pillows—you’re making a whole person out of pillows. And what happens is at some point this doesn’t fulfill you. So, this is what we do—we invite people in cuffing season into our beds and they can be fake; we don’t care who we cuddle with if it makes us comfortable. They can be fake, and they’ve been fake since we met them, but it don’t matter when it’s convenient. «How you doing? Just you comfy? I just wanna…» We’re not gonna do nothing; I just wanna, «Yeah, let me feel your heart.» And somehow we convince ourselves that we can stay in this place of connection and nothing else happens. But the crazy thing is the person I’m cuddling with—I only got a piece of them. And so I think, «I know this is not real, I know this is not fully real, so let me see if I stay with them long enough, they’ll bring out some other pieces of themselves.»
See, I know her like nobody else; «Reach out and touch somebody’s hand.» She’s not really giving me all of her yet, but if I make fake commitments, maybe I can construct something that looks… and I’m not going to claim you in front of nobody, but just make sure you’re there when it’s time to have a hard day at work, cuddling, frustrated about the outcome, cuddling. See, this is the thing I learned about cuddling—write this down. Cuddling usually happens behind closed doors. You don’t see nobody out in public cuddling—like they don’t be lying down on a park bench cuddling. No, most of the relationships that are counterfeit, that we allow into our life that have the opportunity to leave us compromised, happen in the dark, behind closed doors.
My question is: where are the relationships that nobody knows you’re in, and who has the key to the door? Because the truth of the matter is, can’t nobody help you behind a closed locked door, and too many Believers are cuddling—we don’t even know you’re friends with that person. But every time we get around them, there’s this weird vibe, and I’m your prayer partner, and I’ve asked you straight up, «What’s going on?» «Oh, them, that’s my brother in Christ.» This brother and sister in Christ crap that y’all have been playing—yeah, that’s the brother and sister you’ve been cuddling with. And you want us to pray that God would keep you when you keep letting the same person into your vulnerable spaces? And I just want to be honest: anybody I’ve laid in this position with, one of two things have happened: I got convicted to the point where I got out of this situation, or I made a connection that would reproduce out of this situation.
Oh, I’m talking big talk right now because the truth of the matter is you can’t stay—write this down—you can’t stay that close to someone without wanting to eventually create something more. Stay with a person like this—and you know me, I’m a big cuddler, so if I’m cuddling with my wife, the right leg has to get over. See, some of y’all are too saved for this right now, but you don’t have a proper cuddle if there’s not a part of your body leaning on them. Stay in that position for 35 minutes, an hour, an hour and a half. Do you want to pray afterwards, or do you want to play afterwards? Y’all gonna be fake; y’all don’t wanna talk about it. My kids are in here; they already know. They’ve been on TikTok; they’ve seen, they already know how all of this happens, and they’ve already experienced some of it. And you won’t find out until a decade later because you’re living in la-la land, knowing that you have the same blood running through you. And what were you doing at 16?
Okay, the tension is so thick; do y’all see how tight-lipped people are right now? But the truth of the matter is many of the problems we deal with in the church are fixing consequences that started as a cuddle. And the truth of the matter is all you really want is being selfish, and you’re really looking for the cookie. I’m trying to be as PG-rated as possible, but we might have to do an uncut version of this. And every time it can be different mannequins, different cookies, bragging about how many different types of cookies you’ve had. Oh, come on, don’t play me. Oh! I got the mini trips ahead; you ain’t never heard of mini Chips Ahoy, but the double-stuffed Oreo! Did you see our double-stuff? Like, okay, puff to the cuddle. Y’all want to act funny with me? Most of y’all kids started with a cuddle.
Can you just give me a massage? Uh-huh, I’m telling the truth. Just, just a hammer sauce. It doesn’t take much when you connect in a counterfeit relationship to make you want it to go to more. You want a new moment, a new memory, more. This is the thing I want to let everybody know: okay, God created the cuddle. We were created with the desire to cuddle; write that down. God created us with a desire for connection; He created us with the desire for closeness. We all want somebody to really know who we are and still accept us. Like, I’m jacked up, but you still love me. Like, my breath doesn’t smell like this every morning, but you would still let me come close to you. Like, you know that I really fumbled the ball in this area, but you see me in my deficiencies and still want to come in an intimate setting with me. That was put there by the Creator, but He put it there to be housed within Covenant, and most people want the cuddle with no Covenant.
This is not popular preaching because we want everybody to play house instead of letting God build their house. You’ve been with them; y’all share everything—cell phone plans, house, car notes—and you won’t commit to them. Dating nine years and you have a 14-year-old child? Where’s the commitment? Where’s the Covenant? Where is it? And see, that’s where we get stuff mixed up because God only talked about Covenants; He never talked about connections. If you read throughout the scripture, I’m just setting you up. God was always concerned about who made a covenant with whom. That’s the type of relationship that I’m gonna bless. And write this down: connection with no Covenant, watch this, cuddling with no Covenant, leads to some reproduction. It means that something may be raised with no care. Yikes! You keep cuddling without Covenant, then you are going to reproduce a kid that will then not be cared for.
One of the biggest epidemics in our world today is people who, because of loneliness and desperation, settle for a cuddle that is below the standard. That cuddle turns into a kid, and then the person says, «I have no commitment to you, and I have no Covenant with you.» And then a child is raised with no care, and then we’re trying to figure out why kids are acting like they do. When I was younger, when I was a daughter, when I was a child, you have reproduced after your own kind because you made a connection in a cuddle with no Covenant, and so you reproduce without responsibility. I’m talking heavy, and the truth of the matter is, it’s what we have to deal with every day. It’s what we’re raising our children in. Do you know—let me just give some statistics for the people—I’ll prove it. We live in a fatherless generation. The statistics in the U.S. indicate that 18.3 million children live without a father in the home. That means one out of four kids in the U.S. has been reproduced and then has nobody to give them identity.
What I’m saying to you is, if you keep cuddling with no covenant, somebody’s going to live without care. I know nobody preaches about this because they want you to yell and scream and break through. I want you to break out of this need to cuddle and be content with the season that God has you in, doing the thing He’s called you to do so that when He does send it, you will not settle for a counterfeit. Okay, all right, all right, that’s why I’m just going to walk slowly through this.
Okay, where is the most common place people get cuddled? He said in the movies. Let’s go back even further than high school; let’s go back to when you were a child, a baby, an infant. The best thing to do with a baby is cuddle; they can’t communicate or talk, but man, there’s nothing like a fat, chunky baby just lying there perfectly. I have four kids, and one of the things they told us is that I had never been a daddy before, so I’m here thinking, «What am I doing?» The nurse said, «When the baby comes out, the first thing we’re going to do is have you take your shirt off.» I said, «Um, you ain’t about to see me like this,» and she was like, «No, no, no, you have to understand the baby needs to make a connection; it needs to cuddle with you, and we’re going to do this thing called skin-to-skin.» That’s how that baby got here.
So, I’m sitting there, and they put that baby on me. It felt like a hug from heaven. As soon as Bella hit my chest, I thought, «Your daddy’s here; I’ll protect you and keep you,» and I’m talking to the baby. I’m walking around saying, «We need to change; we need to do something.» No, we’re having skin-to-skin. What I found is that cuddling with all my children was a form of connection; it was something I didn’t have to say, but you could feel it.
I’m trying to communicate with as many metaphors as I can. When my children got older, whenever they were frustrated, mad, or hurting and started to cry, they were in their cradle. The cradle was a place of immaturity, where they didn’t know how to deal with their emotions. So, when they needed cuddling, I would get them out of their cradle. The crazy thing about it is God is calling His church to maturity—to stop cuddling with people and things that are counterfeit. Yet, we have chosen to be 48 years old while still dragging around our cradle. This is the place of immaturity.
I’m frustrated; I need to be cuddled by somebody. I’m not going to forgive; I’m not going to say I’m sorry. No! Somebody come and hold me; somebody come and touch me, knowing you have the full capability of getting your big butt out of the crib and handling business. We have been cuffed to the cuddle, and now God is asking us to mature, and we’re still running to the cradle. I’m not going to serve anybody; they don’t even respect me at that church. The new thing is «No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! And that’s what we’ve been telling God.» He says, «When are you going to answer the call of God on your life, and when are you going to mature out of the cradle?»
I came to ask the church today: Is it okay if God can use us to our full potential in our calling? Is it okay? That means you’re going to have to get out of the cradle. You can’t stay here and blame everybody for everything that’s happened to you. You can’t get cuddled and answer your call. You can’t keep crying that your family wasn’t there. It’s been 48 years, and you’ve known for the past 22 that you need counseling, yet you keep saying you can’t find a counselor. Let me help you: Google how to find a restaurant when you’re in a new city. You can find a new restaurant, but you can’t find restoration because you’re cuffed, not just to the cuddle; you’re cuffed to the cradle.
So, the cuddle is a place of safety and comfort, where you can connect with someone. Instead of answering our call, we would rather be cuddled and coddled than get out of the cradle. Today, I’m making a call for the church to actually get out of the place of cuddling and out of the place of cradling because big boys and big girls can hear the truth and actually make changes. When my babies can’t communicate, I just cuddle them; I can’t share anything with you, so I’m just going to cuddle you. The church, whenever we get in conflict, wants to be cuddled instead of actually dealing with the conflict. Wow, most people go to a person when they actually need a process. Listen, write this down: When there is a conflict, the cuddle is a way to connect, communicate, and bring comfort.
When my babies wake up at night, the first thing I do is bring them close. I talk to them, then say, «Now go back to your bed.» If Bella, who is 19, comes to me needing a cuddle to go to sleep at night, there was a portion of her life that didn’t get care when she was in the cradle. Because it’s undeveloped as a child, she gets older, but it doesn’t heal. So she will keep coming back to the same thing that pacifies her. Some of you are in relationships and doing things with people you don’t even want to do anymore, but it’s the only way you found comfort during conflicts. You keep going back to the thing that pacified you in a different season. You all know what a pacifier is like; all babies in the cradle jump back!
Somebody, bring me a pacifier! Ah! Sex, money, status in the church. I’m an elder, I’m a deacon, I’m a prophet, I’m an apostle. I don’t know what’s pacifying you, but many of us have been cuffed to something that pacified us in another season, and God’s saying «You’re too old for that!» Now, if a 14-year-old comes up to you, let me introduce you to my son who just started middle school. He walks up to you, and the first thing you would say is «Why in the world is that grown man sucking on something made for an immature season?» Why are you going back to people that helped you in an immature season? Why are you going back to a cuddle that helped you when you were in crisis your first year of college? You’ve been connected to that person because you made a connection, but it no longer serves you.
I wish we could see people as they really are. I wish I could see Pastor Charles or Joe. Joe, come up here! I need you! Joe is one of the most awesome people in the world, but he serves tirelessly. Joe is an awesome person, yet what you don’t know about Joe is there is an area of his life… Wait, Joe, how old are you? 44? What if I met Joe with the pacifier in his mouth? Good businessman, huh? Yeah, suck on it! Joe feels embarrassing up here right now. It feels degrading at this moment. But there’s something unhealed in his life that pacifies him when there’s a problem. Maybe there’s somebody in your group of friends that you go to when you’re mad—those who will get hyped with you. They pass the pacifier around, then what happens? «Well, they were talking about me at the job, and I smacked them.» Oh, wonder! You better be glad I wasn’t there because I would’ve smacked them twice.
«Hey mom, come here. Yep, come on up here.» Prophetess, she said, «Oh Lord, come on!» So, here we are, me and Joe, men of God. You want to switch? Oh, I see! Because what we do is get around people and start sharing the things that pacified us in a season. «Well, take a drink of this; it’ll help you with your anxiety.» Woman of God, how you doing? You look so beautiful. You know I was going to call you up.
I’m feeling some type of way; put the pacifier in! The place we don’t let God heal, we find something to bring us comfort, no matter how old we are, no matter how many times we’ve been used by God, and no matter how many other commitments we’ve made. We will make a connection with something that makes us feel better, but this is actually how we’re living. This is our spiritual state.
It looks dumb on the platform, but this is how you live every day of your life! No, you just need to smoke some weed—that’s a pacifier for peace. You just need to get a release of a pacifier. You just need to go to a church where they respect your title, and then you literally think, «Where’s my Charles Cook? Could you come?» And this is how we reward people. We think that people who can make it happen and go through all life’s pressures and so many challenges have it all together.
This is why we see pastors fall—they’ve figured out a lot of pacifiers. You all don’t get to see them, but I’m stressed out; I don’t feel worthy. I walked in on my baby Gia in her crib with three pacifiers. This baby had two pacifiers in her hands, one connected to her just in case she got uncomfortable. She was going to stick something in her mouth that brought her comfort. What are you using in this season that has become a pacifier in an area where you need God to turn you around so you can reach your purpose?
Now, listen to me, and I want you all to make sure you keep the pacifiers the whole service—even at your seat—because on the platform you all saw it, but when you really put the binky in, nobody’s looking, and now it’s affecting your mouth. The longer you suck on one of these… have you ever seen those kids where their teeth just start to expand? You’re 17 years old, and you’re still sucking on a pacifier! It’s affecting your speech; it’s affecting how you relate to people and the places you go to pacify you. Some of you, let me just be very clear: you’re cuddling with things that it’s time for you to cut off.
Okay? 1 Corinthians 13:11 says, «When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child.» This is the only verse I really wanted to give you today, but when I became a man—when I grew up—when I realized that God had a huge call on my life, when I realized that the reason God spared me was not to just live any type of way, but to bring His name glory.
Everybody say «I!» I put away childish things. I put away my pacifiers. I deconstructed my cradle. I gave up the things and people that were no longer serving me. But I want you to hear the key word «I"—this is a decision of maturity. Write this down: God will not put away what we keep picking up. He’s not putting away childish things! You have to! He’s not going to cut Instagram off so you stop DMing those people. You’re going to have to shut it down. You’re going to have to block them. You may have to move because they’re in the same apartment complex, and it’s just convenient. They see every time you come home—little stalkerish, but yes—then you end up in their bed cuddling because it’s convenient.
You may have to move. You’re going to have to do something that cuts off the connection to the counterfeit and stop praying for God to do it because you’re going to have to put your toys away. Every pacifier, Billy, Brian, Bonica, Brittany, Brandon, you’re going to have to take them off. You’re going to have to say, «I’m worth more than this!» You’re going to have to say, «God has a bigger call on my life!» It may take some time. Look, I struggle! I may have to ask somebody for help. I may have to say, «This has been around me for so long, and I’m so comfortable with this—can somebody come help? I need somebody to actually help me see what I can’t see.»
See that that person is not for me, and I’m going to have to let them go. I know this is heavy, but when I was a child, that was okay. God’s not holding against you the fact that when you were jacked up trying to figure it out, He knew you were going to go to them. But now, after all I’ve brought you through, after all you’ve learned, you’ve got too much knowledge to be that ignorant.
Some people have great advice for others that they don’t take for themselves. Somebody say, «I have to put it away!» Climbing back into this cradle with such a big calling means that something didn’t get proper care. I need you all to evaluate: Why do I keep going back to this cradle? Why do I keep… God, please! Get me, use me; I’m here for Your glory. Why do you use them? We complain, we throw temper tantrums, and we get frustrated. In the cradle, God’s hand is giving you the power and the strength to get out of this. I’m going to wait. Your muscles have grown; now your prayer life has developed enough for you to get out of this cradle. It would be different if this cradle were bigger than you, or if you did not have it. I literally have four feet of legs; you have everything you need to get out of this situation, yet you’re choosing to sin in it. You sit there, yes, claiming 2023 is the year for me, but if you are still sitting there, you’ll never see what’s outside of this cradle because you have chosen to remain immature.
Mike, what are you saying? Grow up! Grow up out of that toxic relationship. Get out of the gossip you engage in to pacify your own insecurities. Grow up from needing a title to be effective. Grow up from thinking that cash will give you a steady sense of identity. Grow up, so you can answer the call! Get out of the cradle so you can fulfill the amazing call that God has on your life. This is no longer the time to be committed to cuddling more than to your calling. God has asked me to challenge you today: get out of the cradle, throw away the pacifier, and walk in your purpose.
Let me say it like this: purpose doesn’t have a pacifier. Write it down. God is not going to cuddle and coddle you when He has called you to a great purpose. He will care for you, yes, but He won’t say, «Okay, come on now, obey Me.» No, no, no! «Obey Me, and I will give you what you want. If you obey Me, I’ll ensure you have what you need; just do what I ask.» God gives commands. «Live in purity.» Well, God, I was just thinking, just two more cuddles and then I would live in purity. You’re going to deal with some consequences too. Everything that has been a pacifier must go.
If a platform has been a pacifier for you, it’s gotta go. If people have been a pacifier for you, it’s gotta go. If money has been a pacifier for you, it’s gotta go. If pleasure has been a pacifier for you, it’s gotta go. The longer you hold onto that pacifier, the more it affects what’s coming out of your mouth. I started to think of the prime example, and I can’t delve into it fully, of someone who was chained to the cuddle and went back because it was pacifying them. All I could think of was Samson.
Samson laid his head in the lap of a woman who wanted to kill him over and over again, all because he was chained to the cuddle. There was something about lying in Delilah’s lap that made him feel something. Now, I don’t know about you, but if someone tries to kill me once, I mean one time is enough! This woman attempted to kill him several times. Let me just read you Judges 16:19. You all have to read the whole thing, but it says, «Delilah lulled Samson to sleep with his head in her lap.» She cuddled with him—a counterfeit connection, no covenant—and then she called in a man to shave off the seven locks of his hair, where his calling and power resided. In doing so, she began to bring him down, and his strength left him. He was lulled to sleep by the illusion of love. I just want to talk to everyone who longs to be in a relationship: do not settle for the illusion of love. Do not settle for a counterfeit connection.
Don’t give him or her your cookie just to have a good time and feel a connection. Stop playing house and draw a line in the sand—you are worth more than that! You are not a replica; you have value. This is counter-cultural, so I know all the blogs will be talking about it. I don’t care; you are reaping the results of the seeds you are sowing. When you act outside of God’s will, you might fool others into thinking everything is fine, but in your soul, you are not truly fulfilled. I counsel people every day who have settled for the counterfeit and have been lulled to sleep by the illusion of love.
I’ll say it like this: you can read the entire story of Samson, but the cuddle killed Samson. His arrogance led him to keep lying in the bed with a woman who had compromise on her mind, yet he just felt comfortable there. Who are you lying with? Who is going to compromise your calling? It has been years, and you may only find yourself in this situation every so often, so you’ve convinced yourself it’s okay because it only happens once every six months. It’s better than it used to be. What I’m saying to you is that I feel prophetically this is a warning, and that’s the urgency I’m speaking this message with—that God is saying what you are cuddling with has the capability to kill you. It’s just a matter of time unless you get out of this bed, and unless you deconstruct your cradle, you will end up in, watch this word, compromise. Nobody talks about it anymore because it’s not sexy, but most of the body of Christ is living compromised.
We do the Christian thing and then we do the carnal thing, and that combination leaves us compromised. God is asking everyone at the end of this year— we only have about four weeks left in 2023—He’s saying, «Could you please uncuff from cuddling with anything that has the ability to kill who I called you to be?» You thought it was just people; they are the first to go. Jerome, get out of his bed; Delilah, get out! You need to label them in your phone, «Killer!» You all missed it!
There are people you need to label in your phone, on your device; it should come up as «Killer.» It may take five more months, but you used to have such high self-esteem and sense of purpose because you know that when you make that connection, it’s not just a physical connection—it’s emotional and spiritual; it’s a soul tie. We can’t even discuss it now, but it can ultimately kill you. I tried to be very compassionate toward Samson, asking why he kept going back to Delilah. It’s because Delilah was not just his cuddle buddy; she provided something he didn’t receive in the cradle from his parents. So when he got older, he needed Delilah to be his crutch.
Most of the relationships you’re in are a crutch. Something that Delilah gave him made him feel he could keep going, and I’m asking everyone who is listening to me, especially those relying on someone other than God to be your crutch: why are you still cuddling with your crutch? You can name them, but it’s just a crutch. That alcohol, the person you go to for casual encounters, that side hustle that takes you away from your wife and kids but makes you feel like a man because your dad was never there for you—he just provided! You missed it in the cradle; you missed the care in the cradle.
Now you have become what you hated because you need a crutch. «I bust out these hundreds on you; I’m making it rain"—who provides all of this? Who makes this happen? How do you get that? You are not God, but somehow that cash has you feeling it’s your crutch. I’m just asking everyone to evaluate what relationship do you have right now that has become the thing holding you up, and if someone knocks it down, you will fall. Delilah was Samson’s crutch, and it ultimately killed him.
At the end of 2022, God asked me to really evaluate: Mike, what have you been leaning on that’s not me? You have to kill your relationship with it right now. What God is about to do with you in this next year is going to require full dependence on Him. Anything the enemy can kick out from under you will leave you compromised. If you’re relying on the house to give you stability, the enemy could light the house on fire and put it into foreclosure. What will you do then? You will be compromised. Do you know how vulnerable you are if someone wants to beat you up? This is a perfect position for someone to take advantage of you because you are trying to hold onto what used to support you.
You will end up in a position where everything can be taken from you too, and now you’re struggling to keep it together. God says, «I don’t want My church fighting in the war while everybody is on crutches for the Kingdom!» Everyone says, «Let’s get the victory, in the name of Jesus!» This is how we appear to culture—we’re about to take over for the Kingdom. The enemy looks at us and thinks this is my competition. I don’t even have to fight them; I just need to kick out what holds them up. I just need to mess with their relationships, their security, their finances. I don’t even have to fight them; I just have to fool them.
They are crutches now; you are not cuddling with people anymore; you’re cuddling with crutches, putting everything in bed together, scooting over, and then the bed of your calling has no more room for you. Oh shoot! You got damaged unnecessarily. I think I’m bleeding for real—that corner hit me, and I thought I was safe, but I’m actually suffocating. There’s no room when God does send the right person. If the right person came into my life right now, there’s no vacancy. Some of you have filled your bed with so many other people and things that the right person literally could not even enter. You look full.
So what do I do? How do I avoid ending up like Samson? How do I truly reach my purpose? It’s very simple. I’m going to give you four things, and then we’re out of here. So please write down the question, and I just need you to reflect on it all week: why are you still cuddling with your crutch? I just need you to think about it. Some of you are sitting next to them—just look forward. They have been your crutch for a decade. God called you to do things that make them uncomfortable. «You don’t have to do it like that!»
One of the greatest examples relationally is my parents. My mom is the one who’s more upfront, the one who’s going to get on stage and sing and do all the other stuff, but my dad is the leader of that household. I’ve watched people give my dad dap, saying, «Man, I couldn’t do what you do!» Being in the background, he said, «No, I’m called to support my wife. I’m called to cover her. I’m called to make sure she’s safe and secure.» Many people cannot allow their spouse to flourish and completely be confident and comfortable in who God has called them to be because they are still getting their significance from others' perceptions. That perception has become their crutch, and they are still cuddling with that crutch.
Some of you are cuddling with others; it’s not just your crutch, but your crush. Oh God, help me! Can I say it? I’m almost done—be careful of people who put the pacifier in your mouth! Those who were once around you in a different season, when that used to hit the spot, and now you don’t even want to handle situations that way; they’re offering you things they think will solve the problem. My kids know when there’s a problem with their little sister, Gia; they go up and give her the pacifier, saying, «Here, here.» They try to communicate, but she doesn’t have the words yet, so she says «no, no, no,» but eventually, she doesn’t want to fight anymore.
Be careful of the people saying, «Girl, let’s just go party.» That used to sound appealing; it used to solve the problem. «Bro, let’s just go do this.» I don’t need another person to cuddle with; I need to actually communicate, and I don’t have the words yet. Please stop offering me something that’s going to kill me. Give me an opportunity to become something I haven’t been yet. Give me a chance to mature, to use my words, and maybe go to counseling to gain more tools to change and transform.
I have so much more to say. I was talking to a pastor friend of mine the other day, and I just feel people need the raw and real. We will get out of here. I was talking to a pastor friend who said, «Yo, I used to struggle with pornography so badly back in the day.» He continued, «I am in the purest place I’ve ever been in my entire life. However, for the past month, I’ve been struggling so hard with temptations of pornography.»
This is a pastor, a well-known person, and I love that I have real conversations and community where a pastor could actually say that before something else happens because that’s when everyone judges them and makes videos about Christians. But we’re having community and conversations, and I’ve been so drawn to pornography. He said he has realized that he has matured in his walk, but how he used to handle situations when he felt overwhelmed or pressured hasn’t changed. I haven’t obtained new ways to deal with situations; I’m more mature than I’ve ever been, but when there’s a problem, I only have the same old tools that I used to pacify myself. He said, «I was able to recognize that there’s nothing actually wrong; I just need new ways to deal with the problems I’m facing right now.»
And that may be the same for you in this room. Let me say it like this: purpose—how many people want to reach their purpose right now? You want to do what God has called you to do? Okay, I’m going to give you the keys right here: Purpose requires progress. Write it down. Purpose requires progress. And the word I want to attach to that is maturity. If you are going to reach your purpose, you have to mature. Everybody say, «maturity.» It’s a tough word, but I’m praying that in the next year you will grow more spiritually, physically, and emotionally than you have grown in the past decade. Somebody needs to receive that by faith. I’m believing with you that in the next year, you will grow more than you have in the past ten years. But that means you’re going to have to mature.
1 Corinthians 14:20 states, «Brothers and sisters, stop thinking like children in regard to evil. Be infants in evil, but in your thinking, be adults. Grow up!» For us to mature, it is going to start in our thinking. I just want to see a church that is not blaming everyone else for what’s wrong but is asking, «How am I a part of the solution, and what is God trying to do in this church and in this city?» That takes maturity. The truth is, we often prefer blaming someone else rather than allowing God to use us. Everybody say, «maturity!» If purpose requires progress, then progress demands a process. You are not going to mature without a process. We think getting older makes us wiser, but some people get dumber as the days go by. I’m not even playing; you are living off old ideas from people who have no clue what God has called you to do. If you’re going to progress, it’s going to demand a process.
Look at Proverbs 12:1: «Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge.» I love the Bible. «But whoever hates correction is stupid.» You don’t want to engage in a process that will correct you; that’s foolish! You don’t want to go to marriage counseling if you’ve never been married before, or if you have been married six times and still refuse counseling—dumb. If you won’t submit to any process, who are you under? What are you learning? Who can give you the «sit down and shut up» card in your life? If you are the boss of everything—no matter how much money you make—and no one can tell you anything, that is foolish thinking. I’m not saying you’re foolish; it’s foolish to think that you can mature and grow without a process. Everybody say, «process!»
So we need a process. If purpose requires progress and progress demands a process, that’s where you work on your mechanics. If I was bad at shooting free throws, they would say, «Keep shooting free throws; work on your mechanics.» Many of us need to work on the mundane things that will actually lead us to victory. Telling the truth wins you the game. Being a man or woman of character wins you the game. Having integrity—doing the right thing when no one is looking—wins you the game. Being a man or woman of your word wins you the game. Living in purity wins you the game. But doing those things can feel mundane. It’s about the compounding interest of doing the same basic things over time that create huge results, perhaps even eternal consequences.
So, we’re almost there. Process requires progress; maturity, and progress demand a process. Mechanics! Watch this: process takes practice. What are you actually practicing? Whatever you practice, that’s what you will master. Some of you practice gossip, and you’ve become masters at it. Some of you practice covering up the truth; that’s why your best friend doesn’t even know what you’re dealing with. How can you have a roommate who doesn’t know about what you’re struggling with? You’re a master of the cover-up! I’m not talking about making something super spiritual; I want to bring it down to earth. Write this down: practice is always practical. There’s something you can do practically today that will start the process that will break the chain so you can reach your purpose. You can uncuff from the cradle; you can break away from the pacifier and reach your purpose.
I think about what God said in Matthew 6. These are simple practices: prayer, fasting, and giving. Literally, the things that have changed my heart more than anything else are these three practices. How did I get out of people’s beds? How did I uncuff from the perversions that had me trapped? Through these three things: prayer, fasting, and giving. That might seem unrelated to you, but it is connected. When you pray, you can be honest, «God, I hate being single. I hate this and that,» but then say, «God, I’m asking you again to give me the strength to make it through tonight.» Don’t let me answer that phone tonight; don’t let me stop on that website tonight. God, I need you to give me joy about my future. Let me get a vision of my family or me helping others. God, give me something to help sustain me tonight. The temptation of tonight is enough, and God says, «Just come to me in prayer.»
Sometimes I’m going to ask you to give up something, to sacrifice something—fast. You mean don’t eat? Yes! While the church is doing 21 days of prayer and fasting, I’m asking you to pray. You might think it’s Thanksgiving or Christmas, but for the rest of the year, if you give me the next 30 days, I’ll give you answers for the next 365 days. But God, that pistachio cake from my great-grandma has never saved you, nor has it helped you; if anything, it’s made you gain a few pounds. In Matthew 6, Jesus says, «When you pray,» not «if you pray,» «When you fast,» and—watch the last one—"When you give.» That’s right! What are you talking about? These three things can uncuff you from the cradle.
Pastor Mike, did you take us the long way around this mountain just to tell us we need to do the basics? No! You won’t find fulfillment without them, but if you pray, fast, and give, God will take care of your relationships, finances, and fulfill your life. I am a living testimony. I was once trapped in situations I wasn’t meant to be involved in. Thank you, God, for teaching me the principles of process and practical practices through prayer, fasting, and giving. I challenge everyone under the sound of my voice to stop cuddling with what isn’t right and connect with Christ; He’s going to ask you to do one of these three things very practically.
When you decide to grow up, pray, fast, and give. That’s too easy? Pastor Mike, you haven’t done it. You may think it’s not a big deal, but I don’t care how much money you make; God says, «You still need to pray, fast, and give!» What is God going to ask everyone to do next year to mature? Pray! Fast! And what else? Give. Say it with conviction! Nothing has helped me mature more than those three practices: prayer, fasting, and giving. They teach you love, obedience, and help you identify your source.
It’s time for the church to grow up! I love you so much, but we need to act. Next week, everyone hear me, we’re going to give in a crazy faith offering. We do this every year; it’s our end-of-year offering. This moment allows us to check our hearts and accelerate the vision of this house. However, this year I have a different feeling in my heart as I pray about this. God said, «This year is not about amounts; it’s about maturity.»
Hear me when I say this: this is the moment when some people want to duck out and feel like, «Oh, he’s not talking to me anymore.» Hear me: this is the moment God said, «I’m going to ask you to give something that will require sacrifice.» I’m asking you to pray about what you should give; some of you will need to fast, saying, «Lord, if you want me to do this, you’ll have to show me how.» You’ll need to eliminate all distractions to hear from Him. Then God will ask you to do what? That’s right! This is a moment for Transformation Nation; I believe this is about to be the biggest breakthrough year of our lives as we mature. This is going to be a season of uncuffing as you obey God!
And hear me: if you don’t have it, God is not requiring it! Let me clarify: for some of us, God is asking for something that will take effort to obey Him. I had one of my friends start selling stuff because God told them to, and they said, «I don’t have it.» He said, «Yes, you do; it’s just in your closet.» Another person had to pull money out of an investment to obey God. This has happened year after year. Pastor Natalie and I are currently believing God for a home, and God told me what we’re supposed to give. I don’t know if He heard my prayer because he’s asking me to give what I still need! I’m not leading you from a distant place, hoping you’ll participate—I need God to move.
He said, «If you want to mature, come on up. Pray. Fast.» Next week—not next week, but tomorrow, people are already driving in. Someone on the team told me people have already begun giving since we first mentioned crazy faith; they said, «I can’t wait for whatever date you gave, because it’ll be gone! I have to obey God now.» What I’m saying over the next week and a half is that I believe we will have rooms at this location open. I want everyone—whether you’re giving or not—to go online, fill out a crazy faith card, and indicate what you are uncuffing from and what you are believing God for in crazy faith.
This is going to be vulnerable; some of you will need two cards, others might even need to print off your own paper because it won’t fit on this small card. You might need a whole poster board! God is saying, «Write the vision and make it plain.» Write what you are believing for and what you are uncuffing from. Then I want you to pray. If you need to, fast. And then obey. What’s the last thing? Yes, I want to hear it!
Let me say this: I hope you know I’m not smart enough to plan any of this; I’m just trying to share what God has placed on my heart. I am up here authentically trying to obey God. Transformation Church does not need resources like those given to the glory of God through the faithfulness of the people who already believe in this vision. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it’s not like every Sunday we are giving fifty thousand, one hundred thousand, or two hundred thousand dollars. This is not a situation where we hope to raise some funds; God has superseded expectations through the faithfulness of so many people. We don’t have any million-dollar givers yet. In the name of Jesus, if you’re watching and the Lord has placed a thought in your heart, please act on it. I want to be very transparent with you all: this is not a money grab. Rather, this is an opportunity for all of us to mature.
I don’t care where you are in your life—God is going to require us to do something that makes us use our faith, knowing that He will be faithful even amidst whatever is going on. Would everybody stand all over the building and at home? Thank you, Lord. Giving is a sacrifice, but my commitment to giving every year solidifies my covenant with God. Remember, I told you that counterfeit covenants are not what God desires; He wants the real thing. Would everyone just lift their hands all over this building? I’m going to pray for several different groups of people. For anyone who has been in a relationship that has been unhealthy and toxic, I need you all to pray right now.
Father, I’m asking that you would uncuff them by the principles that were shared today. Father, I thank you that people will stop settling for counterfeit relationships and that they will commit to you. Father, even for those in abusive relationships, I need you all to pray right now for people who have been trapped in the same cycles. Father God, that have entered their generational lines, today we thank you for breaking those cycles in the name of Jesus. I thank you for a way of escape, Father God. I thank you for the right community for those who have been contributing to the cycles. I see cycle after cycle today, Father God. Everything they’ve been engaging with that is not like you, Father God—the people who have been settling for less because they think nothing else is coming. God, I’m thanking you that they will be connected to only you. Father God, thank you for bringing us into another level of commitment to our calling. For every person under the sound of my voice, Father, who has been uncuffed but is now feeling no contentment, I thank you that you’re bringing contentment back to your people. God is telling me to tell you not to get weary in well-doing, for in due season, if you do not faint, God is about to do something you’ve never seen. God, thank you that you would help my brothers and sisters who have been living in purity and trying to do the right thing. Father, let them stay in the fight of faith so that they receive not a «well done» from people, but a «well done» from you. God, thank you that you hear them, you see them, and Father, you will reward them. God, I’m thanking you for every person that is now putting down their pacifiers—whether it’s sex, money, pornography, or unhealthy friendships. I’m asking you that our pacifiers are coming out, and Father, we are going to commit to purpose. Let us mature in you. (Somebody just say, «God, mature me.» Yes, just one more time, say, «God, mature me into the person you have called me to be, full of purpose. Do this inside of us, God.») I specifically pray for every person about to take this next step of faith in maturing by giving next Sunday, and throughout this month. I thank you, Father, that you will confirm what you have said to them. Your word says that your sheep know your voice, and a stranger they will not listen to. God, would you be clear with husbands and wives, families, single parents, and business owners about what they are supposed to give? And God, give them the courage and the audacity to obey you. Father, I’m praying even for me and Natalie regarding what you have said. God, I thank you that we would have the audacity to obey you, and we thank you that the fruit of our obedience will be a legacy of faith. Thank you, Father. We are not building for right now; we are building for eternity. Thank you, Father, for this group of people who are crazy enough to believe that you can do something with little old us. Today, we are partnering with you. Speak, Lord; your servants are listening.
If you are in this room right now and you’ve never accepted Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior, I want to give you the opportunity to make the greatest decision of your life. It’s the thing that took me from being addicted to pornography, from being a liar, a manipulator, and someone filled with negativity. I need the church to begin to pray. There is a war going on for someone’s soul right now, and I want to give you the opportunity to receive Jesus. I don’t care where you are, what you’ve done, or who you’ve been entangled with; the grace of God is bigger than all of that. All He needs you to do is accept Him in this moment. If you are here, watching this online, or listening to this podcast live or in a rebroadcast ten years from now, God is saying today is the day of salvation.
If you want to uncuff from the things you’ve been holding on to that are counterfeits and get cuffed to Christ, the only thing that can fulfill you, the only thing that knows you, today is your day. On the count of three, I want you to lift your hand. I don’t care if you’re in an office, at the gym, walking on a track, or in this room right now. All I want you to do is slip your hand up. On the count of three, acknowledge that you want to receive this amazing gift of salvation. One, you are making the greatest decision of your life. Two, I’m proud of you, but more importantly, your name is going to be written in the Lamb’s Book of Life.
I see hands going up right now. Three, would you just lift your hands? I see you, brother. I see you, brother. I see you, sister. I see you. Come on; there are people all over this place. There are hundreds of people online. I see you, but more than me seeing you, God sees you. Hey, at Transformation Church, we’re a family, so I need everybody to pray this prayer with me right now. Just lift your hands to heaven and say:
God, thank you for sending Christ to uncuff me. Today, I give you my life. I believe you lived, you died, and you rose again with all power, just for me. Today, I repent. I turn towards you. Change me, renew me, transform me. I’m yours. In Jesus' name, amen.