Michael Todd - The Gift of Forgiveness (How to Forgive Someone)
Good morning, Transformation Church! Oh, come on! If you’re excited about what God is going to do today, why don’t you rise in your house and give God a shout of praise? Hey, yo! Okay, everybody that is just tuning in and wondering why all that energy just came forth — it’s because I’ve been gone for almost eight weeks on sabbatical, and this is my first Sunday back. I am spiritually constipated, and I want to let everyone know that today I am going to let loose! I don’t care if someone says, «Oh my God, that’s so nasty.» Listen to me — this is how I feel right now! I’m excited; God has been speaking to me.
Before I dive into what God has told me to do, I just want to say thank you to Transformation Nation! You are the best church in the world! Over the past seven weeks, Pastor Natalie and I have been away, resting and relaxing. The one thing I have always asked God for is to give me a church that I can lead without the fear that we won’t last. Because I have a church that allowed us to take a seven-week sabbatical after being pastors for five years, we could recharge. You kept giving, you kept coming, and you kept inviting people. More people got saved, outreaches happened, and our mission of representing God to both the lost and found for transformation in Christ kept going strong.
As your pastor, on behalf of myself and Pastor Natalie, I want to say thank you. The church is not built on one person; I need everyone to recognize that it is built on the sacrifices of so many. Because of your faithfulness, we have been able to help people and transform lives. And our mission is moving forward! So, I’m back! You hear what I’m saying? I’m back! But let me just say that the proof of our strong church is what happens when I’m gone, and you have been an amazing church.
So right now, Transformation Nation, all over the world — in Zambia, in England, in Texas, in California, and in Utah — can we give God praise for our amazing church and what we get to be a part of? Hallelujah! Well, are y’all ready? Are y’all ready? Ah, are y’all ready? I’m ready! Okay, stop! I like y’all! I had to ask my wife to give me melatonin last night with the kids because I was so excited about what God has given me. Every year, when I go away, I spend seven days in a random hotel where only my wife and my assistant know where I am. I seek God and pray, and God confirmed this series we’re about to go into in me so strongly.
So today, I need everybody to open your hearts. In fact, what I need you to do right now is to text somebody and let them know that the ministry they need is about to happen. Come on, right now! I’ll give you two seconds to text somebody, because I’m telling you the burden God has dropped on my heart is about to change the trajectory of many people’s lives. I know there are some people right now who are like, «I’m ready for this forgiveness series,» while others are tiptoeing to the screen, unsure of what’s about to happen because you’ve been hurt in very deep ways.
What I promise you is that God is about to do something that will change you from the inside out. Everybody say, «From the inside out!» Come on, say it again — «From the inside out!» A lot of times, we try to change from the outside in, and God says that’s not how the Kingdom works. I change people from the inside out. So before we start this series, I want to pray. I want to pray because this message is going out to the world right now, and I want to pray that God would open your hearts. Now, there’s something I like to remind people: God is a gentleman; He won’t force His way into your life. There are many people right now who want God to barge in. He is going to stand at the door of your heart and knock. So today, through this prayer, I’m asking you to let God in.
If you let Him in, I promise you all kinds of amazing things can happen, but you have to let Him in. So right now, I want you to assume a posture of openness by putting your hands wide open in your home, on the porch, or if you’re running — I know somebody’s running and their friend might look at them like, «What’s going on?» But right now, I want you to position your hands like this, and I want us to pray.
Father God, today here we are. You know every broken piece of us, the parts we show people, and the parts we keep reserved. You know the hurts, the pains, our successes, and our failures, and today we’re bringing it all to You. We cast our crowns before Your feet right now, God, and we ask that You take everything that we are and everything that we aren’t. We’re asking, Father God, that You would do surgery on us today. There are areas of our lives that we don’t even know why they’ve been held back, and I thank You that through this series, You are about to take us, move us, and progress us beyond where we’ve been. Holy Spirit, we need You! We don’t need another clever sermon series or something just to post; we need the Holy Spirit — the God of the universe, our Comforter — to come and stand in our situations and change us from the inside out. So, Father God, right now, here we are, and we let You in. We’re opening the door to everything we’ve kept other people out from. Father, You know it anyway, so come in and be who You are — the Great Physician. Change us, renew us, and transform us in Jesus' name. We agree! Come on, somebody say, «Amen!»
I need to see it in the chats. Why don’t you give God a shout of praise right there as well? Hallelujah! Alright, get your notepads out, get your smartphones, or even your dumb phones, because we are about to start week one of a series we’re calling «F You.» I absolutely love being the pastor of Transformation Church because I can title a series «F You.» As I thought about this concept of forgiveness and being in Forgiveness University, I need to be hot — real quick — and that’s humble, open, and transparent.
A lot of people are too saved for that title. Like, if I say «F You,» some of you just got offended or frustrated, and some of y’all might start speaking in tongues. But if we’re honest, that’s how we feel when people offend us. Can we, Transformation Church, acknowledge that we are here today? When people offend us, on whatever level, our response can be like «F You.»
And I’m talking about the expletive «You.» You may not say it out loud, but you feel it in your heart. Some of y’all take it to the next level; you won’t say the actual cuss word because I know some of you are too saved, but instead you use replacement words, saying things like, «Forget you!» Have you ever met those people who say non-cuss words with cuss-word intensity?
Y’all know what I’m talking about — «Forget you!» And I’ve got to tell this funny story. My dad is sitting over here, Captain Tom Todd, an amazing man of God. I’ve never heard him cuss in my life. Now, my mom, the prophet Brenda Todd, is a different story. She’s been known to let a cuss slip, but that’s a story for another time.
Never heard my dad cuss until one day while we were traveling across the country in a big van with my four brothers — five Todd boys in total. There was one particularly hot day in Arizona, and we were all complaining because we were hungry and the van was having issues. Everyone was in the front seat, and my dad, known for his peace, grace, and patience, never getting above a level three, turned around one day.
With intensity, he said, «You bunch of sorry suckers!» The level of intensity that erupted from him at that moment shocked all of us. It stopped the entire event. It was like he said «F You» with the energy he gave. At first, we all froze, but then someone burst out laughing, and my dad joined in, shaking off the intensity of the moment.
What I’m saying to you is that you might not express it as «F You,» but there are things and people who have done things to you that stir a response within you, and it isn’t always godly. It’s a response that makes you want to throw some hands! Can I not be by myself today? Has anyone else ever had a negative reaction to something that happened to you in life?
Whether it’s happened to you this way or that, we often want to say «Forget you» because we’re offended. In 2020, there are a million ways to be offended. Let’s be honest; in the climate we live in — the racial climate, the political climate, whether you wear a mask or you don’t — there are countless reasons to be offended. Many of us are carrying so much offense, and we don’t want to say a positive word.
We want to communicate to those who have offended us what we really mean: «Forget you!» The issue is that even if it’s not the expletive «You,» it’s still a response shaped by our anger, disappointment, or annoyance. What ends up happening is we get offended. I want you to write this point down because this is the burden God has given me: «Offense is the gateway to unforgiveness.» The reason you need to pay attention to what offends you is that it can lead you to unforgiveness. Many of us get offended by someone’s social media post, someone not wishing us happy birthday, or someone not recognizing our effort while giving credit to someone else. We get offended by so much!
Baby, you need to let that offense go because offense is not where you land; offense is the gateway to unforgiveness. What most of us don’t understand is that the hurt we’ve experienced, the pain we’ve endured, the anger we feel, and the things we have faced cause us distress. This is something I need you to know: pain hurts more when it’s pointless. All of us are going to go through pain; we’re all going to be hurt by something, and we’re all going to experience frustration. But pain hurts more when it’s pointless. What I’m trying to say is: yes, I’ve been offended in 2020. Yes, I’ve been hurt by people who were supposed to be close to me. Yes, I’ve been offended, but I’m not going to let this pain be pointless. I’m not going to waste this time I’ve been feeling; I’m not just going to let it stay with me. I’m going to find purpose in my pain.
Somebody needs to put that in the chat right now: my pain will have purpose. You left me, but I’m going to flip that and let God use it. You let me go, but God is setting me up. My pain will not be pointless; it will have purpose. But for our pain not to be meaningless, we have to figure out how to use it, and that’s why you’ve enrolled in this school—Forgiveness University. It’s not about something ethereal, because all of us have an area in our life where we want to say «Forget you.» We want to say, «You know what? I’m offended,» because people will frustrate you. Oh, how many people have someone in their life right now who frustrates them? Come on, hands high in your living room right now, all over this room. Yeah, you have people who frustrate you; some of you are married to them. Come on, don’t speak too loud; somebody just got in a fight.
Now, calm down! But the person who frustrates you the most is your spouse, and you want to say «Forget you.» Another group of people has offense because friends have portrayed them; they painted you to be someone you’re not. You thought they were seeing you in the right light, but then they told someone else how you really were, and they framed you. There are others of you who had a business deal that you thought was going to be the best thing ever with a business partner, but they failed you. They did something wrong—they didn’t get the percentages right—and now there’s offense in your heart. There are others you’ve been around who faked it; they acted like they were one way, but then they didn’t actually do what they said. There are people right now who are offended because others wanted to fight them; some of you, they wanted to fight you physically, but in other areas, there’s rage and pain because others have fought you emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically.
Now you want to say «Forget you» because you’re offended. There are other people in your life who have wronged you. Maybe mom and dad would still be together if it weren’t for you. The enemy comes in at this moment to tell you that it’s your fault, and now there’s offense in your heart. For some of you, it’s the other way around: you were doing the wrong thing, and people who loved you and prayed for you asked God to give them wisdom about you. You listened to them in one season, but then you started doing something wrong, and they confronted you.
Now you’re offended because they told you what you didn’t want to hear in a season when they weren’t listened to. Oh, I’m in somebody’s business right now. Not everyone is a hater; some are helpers. Depending on where your heart posture is, you can categorize them all wrong. Oh, the people you’ve been talking about may have been sent by God to help direct you. There’s wisdom in a multitude of counselors, but if your heart is shut down, you can be offended over the right thing. Y’all missed it. Some of you are the people on the other side of that. You went to the person and tried to confront them, but then they talked about you and excommunicated you.
Now they’ve turned on you, and the people you thought were with you have flipped on you. More than anything, there’s so much offense happening in our lives, whether we realize it or not, because people will fail you. Can I give you a public service announcement? Everyone in your life, at some point or another, will fail you. They will not meet your expectations. They will forget to do things, whether it’s on purpose or unintentionally. People will fail you, and when failure comes from a person, we usually pick up offense. I believe that my assignment over the next 10 weeks—you heard me! This is a college course! You’re not just coming for two weeks and leaving; this is not community college. This is a full university. Do you hear me? Accredited by the Holy Spirit!
You don’t need an SAT or ACT score for this one because most of y’all wouldn’t have made it in. But thank God, if you’re breathing—I think my Bible says, «Let everything that has breath praise the Lord!» If you made it into this, it’s because you have breath. I dare you to take five seconds right there because somebody has been needing a praise all week. If you’ve got breath, why don’t you give God some praise right there? Yup! If you’ve got breath, you qualify. I want those two letters «FU» to be redeemed through this series. I want those words in your life—not for everyone else. Don’t go into work and tell your boss that; you’ll get fired, okay? Don’t do that! But in this context, I want to redeem those words and give them a kingdom meaning. I want those words and letters to represent the power of the Holy Spirit at work in your life, helping you practically to be able to live. I want those words to mean «Forgive you,» and it’s going to take work for a lot of us.
I’m not asking you to do it today; I’m asking you to finish the course, and maybe it will change the course of your life. There are areas in all our lives that have been plagued by not learning how to forgive, and in this series, I believe God wants us to understand the gift of forgiveness. That forgiving and receiving forgiveness is a gift, and I want us to understand the blessing of being able to forgive others. Can you write down this point real quick? Forgiveness is a primary spiritual discipline of every Christ follower. You cannot be a Christian and not forgive; it’s foundational. If I were building a house right now, the first thing they would tell me is to make sure your foundation is strong.
The crazy thing about all these people who are speaking in tongues, prophesying, posting scriptures, reading their YouVersion Bible app, and doing all this stuff is they do not have a sure foundation because they don’t know how to forgive. There’s a crack in the foundation, and I know some of y’all might have tuned me out already because you’re focused on what they did to you. But do you know what we’ve done to God? Oh, do you know? Do you know the person requiring forgiveness has already borne everything that we would ever do? I’m getting ahead of myself, ladies and gentlemen. I want to welcome you to Forgiveness University! I love this! Some of y’all don’t know anything about the marching for this whole series, okay? I never went to college; I have literally six months of TCC education.
So, I’m coming with face paint! This is my college experience, and I’m going to be—Hold on. I’ve always wanted to do this. Y’all know I play drums, right? Okay, put this over right here. I need y’all to learn by chance! Look at this! I love this; I love this! Like, drumline! Okay, I need to teach y’all our chant. I’m going to go «Boom boom boom boom boom,» and you’re going to say «Forget you!» Boom boom boom boom boom! You okay? I need you to follow me! Alright, some of y’all need to get up in your house right now. Y’all are like, «Is this church?» This is my church! Okay! I need everybody to follow me! Y’all ready? I said, y’all ready? Now, I need you to scream it out! Y’all ready? «You—hey! U—F! U—U!»
Hey, listen, I’m going to have fun this whole series! Okay, let’s go to the Word. Forgiveness is a primary spiritual discipline of every Christ follower. What I’ve found in my journey is that many believers—I was raised in church—are taught to forgive but not how to forgive. We know we’re supposed to do it, but we don’t know how. Most of us think forgiveness is like, «Okay, they’re out of my life now; I’ve forgiven them.» No, no, no! There are people holding onto you that you’ll never see again. There are situations holding you back from things right now that happened a decade ago, 10 minutes ago, or before you were even born; they are still holding you captive. Through this series, I want to show you how to forgive because for many of us, forgiveness is a principle but not a practical application. It’s something we grasp conceptually, but I want you to write this point down: if forgiveness sounds cute but is never cultivated, it’s merely a concept.
Oh yeah, I’m about to forgive them! It’s like a cute thing you have to do. No! Forgiveness is messy! Forgiveness requires effort! Forgiveness involves going and saying, «You did this!» and then being confronted, saying, «No, I did not hate you!» Forgiveness is a constant decision to lay down your flesh again and again, and there are so many believers who think it’s a cute thing: «I forgave them; I’ve moved on; look how good I’m doing!» That’s all a facade for the pain that’s actually inside festering.
Do you know the worst kind of pain is pain you do not acknowledge? It festers and grows into something else. Many of us find our lives being the outcome of little pain that was unaddressed—pain that was never given to God—that was never even pointed out, and now it festers into abuse. Nobody wakes up as a child saying, «I want to be an abuser.» That’s a pain of something missing that nobody was able to pinpoint, which festered into needing to control and hurt someone else. The worst thing about it is that it didn’t start out big—it started small. The thing you hate and wish you could change didn’t start as this enormous issue; it began as a very small thing that was able to fester. God is saying you’re going to have to be intentional about forgiveness, and that’s why you enrolled in this university.
You’re saying, «For the next 10 weeks, I’m going to be intentional!» Somebody say «intentional!» I’m going to be intentional about learning how to forgive. For too many of us, forgiveness is a concept, but God requires it in His covenant. The reason that God requires it is that He has already supplied it in His covenant. See, you don’t realize that forgiveness is something that has already been extended to you, and that’s why God is saying, «I need you to give it to others.» So, let’s look at the Bible: Matthew 18:21–22. I like Peter. If I were a disciple, I would probably be Peter; Peter’s a gangster! Okay, Peter says things and asks questions that all the other disciples want to know, but he’s actually going to say it! Peter’s the one who came to the garden to pray with Jesus but brought a shank with him—like, he brought a knife to the prayer gathering! «God, we’re going to seek Your face, but just in case something pops off…»
Watch, that’s Peter! So, in this moment, Jesus is speaking to the disciples, and Peter’s got a question, like many of us have about forgiveness. Because this concept seems good, Pastor Mike, but I don’t know about this. So, Peter says in verse 21, «Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? '» I love that he uses the term «sins against me,» because we always think of sin as something we do against God. But people can sin against us, and that’s why you have to understand the word «sin.» All sin means is missing the mark. Has anybody ever missed a mark in a relationship with you? Has anybody ever not done what they said they would do? That’s a sin. So, he’s saying, «Somebody missed a mark in my life; somebody disappointed me; somebody didn’t do what they said they would do, and now they’ve sinned against me! How many times should I forgive people who hurt me?»
Look at what Jesus says. He knows the first thing—I need to let you know this—because I just felt a religious spirit surface, getting real prideful. I felt it through the cosmos. You sin; everybody sins! Let me get—come here. They need to see my face! I want you to see the sweat drips on my face. You sin. No matter how much scripture you read, no matter how many worship songs you have memorized, no matter what day of the week you go to pray at 5:00 AM—you sin. And if you don’t start valuing the grace and forgiveness that God has given you, you will never be able to be an extension of His love to other people. You sin. The reason I need you to understand that is because it’s very difficult to give forgiveness to somebody when you think you’re better than them—when you think you’re better than your alcoholic uncle, when you think you’re better than your weed-smoking cousin, when you think you’re better than your cheating boss.
You will never forgive them for what they do. But, baby, you sin. Until you realize that at the foot of the cross, it is the same for the homosexual as for the person who tells a white lie. Y’all don’t hear me. It’s the same thing for everybody who preaches in church and sleeps with the choir member, as well as the person who leads the Bible study and lies to their child. It is the same thing, and we all need the grace of God. We all need to repent, and we all need forgiveness. Until you understand this, they don’t even believe me. Look what the Bible says in Romans 3:23: «For everyone has sinned; that includes you, and we all fall short of the glorious standard of God.»
Somebody just type that in the chat: «I sin.» Say it out loud with me, everybody: «I sin.» I think next week, Charles, I’m going to have to talk about sin in the way that the enemy tries to distort where we are and what God has done to supply forgiveness to everybody. I think I’m going to have to because I feel that strongly. You have to know that Peter was talking from a more self-righteous standpoint at this point: «How many times should we forgive these people—these heathens—these thoughts?» Ask a young person what that means. If you’re in a multicultural, multi-generational church, I’ve got to bring it all together. How many times should we forgive these bad people? How many times should we forgive these Democrats? How many times should we forgive these Republicans? Oh, I’m coming to your house. How many times should we forgive these racist bigots?
Come on! Because we all have a level of person that we think is beyond God’s forgiveness. And it’s crazy to think that if God can forgive them, maybe they need to work harder, because I’m not going to forgive them. Now, how is God going to forgive somebody you won’t forgive? Let me stop. So Peter is talking: «How many times?» And then I love this. He tries to throw out what I call the fake grace number—the facade. He’s like, «I mean, how many times? Like seven. Wow, that should be enough. Seven? Yeah, y’all think? I mean, yeah, if they sin against me seven times.» It was almost from a prideful place, and look, I love Jesus because I can see Him thinking about Peter—Peter thinking how good that answer was, like, «Yeah, I’m going to forgive seven times in my lifetime.»
Like, if they cross me, I’m going to give one to them—one to them. I’m not giving them any more; I’m going to give one to them. We have no concept of how long Peter was talking about. The Bible never says seven times in one week, one day, or one year; it doesn’t give us the connotation. But I love how God leaves it open so that He can convict our spirits on certain things. Because there are people that you will forgive, and then there are people that you think should never receive forgiveness. And look what Jesus says to him; He says, «No, Pedro, not seven times.» That’s the only Spanish I know. Shout out to all the Transformation Latinas in the building! It says, «And Jesus just blows it out of the water.» He says, «No, Peter, not seven times, but seventy times seven.»
Yeah, that’ll work—seventy times seven. That’s how many times you should forgive. And Jesus doesn’t bring any clarity to it either: seventy times seven in my lifetime? Seventy times seven a month, a week, a day? How many times should you forgive? Let’s just, for the sake of doing math at this university, say Jesus says, «No, not seven times, but do it seven times seventy a day.» Put on your math hats, university students. What’s seven times seventy? Some of y’all carried a three and then subtracted. It’s 490. So if God says, hypothetically, you’re supposed to forgive 490 times a day—490 times 30 days? That’s 14,700 times a month. Fourteen thousand seven hundred times times twelve, which is the number of months in a year, is 176,400 times a year that you’re supposed to be forgiving.
What I’m trying to tell you is forgiveness is a primary spiritual discipline of every Christ follower. My question to you is: Have you forgiven one person this year? No, for real. Have you let them go? Have you released them of the debt? Have you let them walk free, even if they meant to hurt you and did so on purpose? I don’t know how, Pastor Mike. That’s why you can’t flunk out of this class, because if you don’t learn this, you will derail your destiny holding on to people who were not even supposed to be a part of it in the first place. Today, I want you to understand that God wants to teach you how to forgive. Somebody needs to say, «I want to know how to forgive.»
Come on, just say it out of your mouth: «I want to know how to forgive.» Yeah, I’m not asking anybody to do it today. You don’t ever start a college course knowing how to do what you’ll end up doing at the end of it. Today, I just want you to desire to be able to do that. Somebody just say, «I want to be able to forgive.» And I pray by the Spirit of God for every lie of the enemy that’s trying to tell you that you can’t do that; they are no match for our God and His word and His Spirit that are alive and active in your life right now. That manager who took advantage of you? You’re going to be able to forgive them. That parent who was negligent and didn’t do what they were supposed to do? You’re going to be able to forgive them. That teacher who instilled doubt in your dreams when you were so impressionable?
God said by the end of this series, by faith, you’re going to be able to forgive. I feel the presence of God right now. People are getting hope for the first time that they may be able to walk free from the person who raped them. Oh, I’m going to be so, so direct because it happened to you, but it’s still on you. You didn’t want it to happen; you didn’t allow it to happen; you didn’t feel like it was fair. But now, if you don’t make that pain have purpose, it hurts more. Today, I believe that by the power of God, He’s coming to give us the first step. Somebody say, «The first step.»
The first step in our process of healing and deliverance. Look at Luke 6:38. This revelation that God gave me on this scripture messed me up, and I want to share it with you. Luke 6:38: I have heard this scripture over and over. There are some churchy people right now who could quote Luke 6:38 to me. And we’re going to read it. This is a scripture that you usually hear at offering time, so I’m going to get real churchy just for a second because I love Luke 6:38: «Give, and it will be given to you—good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will it be poured into your lap.» Big daddy [___] on my lap, like people preach this all the time. «For with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.»
Now, this is the thing that I want to teach everybody about reading the Bible: context is everything. So people read Luke 6:38 and they basically try to tell people to give money, and when you give money that it’ll come back to you, good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over. I actually do believe in the principle of reaping and sowing—that’s the principle there. So I want you to know that when you do give, it does come back to you. But that was not the primary thing that God was talking about in this. The way that you find context, let me help you, class: read before and after whatever you’ve been looking at. So let’s go up to Luke 6:37 and find the context of what was being said. It literally says, «Do not judge, and you will not be judged.»
Half y’all are out right there. «Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned.» You know how you write people off after they have a bad experience or a public failure, and we have this cancel culture? Be careful, because the Bible says, «Do not condemn, then you will not be condemned.» Now look at this one! Oh my God, I can’t believe it: «Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you—a good measure pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use—judgment, condemnation, and forgiveness—it will be measured back to you.» You ever heard somebody talking real big online, and then you’re going to meet up with that person and they say, «You better bring that same energy when we see each other in person»?
Bring that same energy. What God is saying to you is the measure that you judge people with, the measure that you condemn people with, the measure that you don’t forgive people with—you better bring that same energy when you need it! When you mess up, when you make a mistake, when it was «I didn’t really mean to,» I didn’t know it would offend people like that, and when you’re in that space, you better bring the same energy. I think about celebrities all the time—how common folk go off on celebrities for the situations that happen in public. You better bring that same energy when it happens to you in private—when your own four friends know about you. You go, «You know that’s not me»? You know that is not me?
Yeah, and I just want everybody to see me for who I really am. Are you seeing other people for who they really are? Bring that same energy! And that’s what God is saying right now. This point changed everything for me in forgiveness: your measure becomes your metric. The measure you use is now the metric God uses on you for what’s going on in your life. So if you want to be judgmental and throw people away, God says, «I didn’t set the metric; you did by the measure you gave to somebody else.»
So the reason why all these people are leaving is because you left when the other person went through it. You set the metric! I am giving you bars right now. If you want grace to come to your life, you better measure grace out to people so that you set the right metrics. If you want favor to come to your life, you better measure favor out when somebody is at their lowest moment, when somebody’s back is against the wall, when somebody is going through. You better measure out what you want in a different season you want to experience, because the measure of forgiveness is now the thing that God uses as the metric in your life. And that’s why many of us are still holding onto people, stewing over situations in our minds, carrying contempt in our hearts, and waiting in worry, framing our lives with frustration. It’s because we won’t actually forgive.
We won’t change the measure. And I need to be honest; that offense is everywhere. Remember what I told you: offense is the gateway to unforgiveness. It starts with an offense, and that’s the light thing that happens, but the dark destination of offense is unforgiveness. Write down this point: An offense is either picked up or put down. An offense is either picked up or put down. What I want you to know is offense is all around us. Offense is coming, and offense is going. Offense happens online. Offense happens when we’re driving. Offense happens when we’re speaking at a conference. Offense happens; it just passes us. Offense just goes past us, and I see offense—I come in contact with offense. I see offense; I come in contact. But the thing that you’ve got to realize is, as offense goes past me, I’m not picking it up. But there’s a problem. I ran late to work, uh-uh, and you cut me off and flipped me off, and I chose to pick up an offense.
And this is the thing: I let that offense go by, and I let that offense go by. But offense is either picked up or put down. «No, you’re a racist; you shouldn’t have made that comment!» And I picked up an offense. And what happens is, now I’ve got to go through my day, and I’ve got to worship God, and I’ve got to love on other people, and I’ve got to do all this stuff, but I’m choosing to either let offense go by—it’s in the air, or I’m going to pick it up. And the problem is, some of us are so used to it: «You said you were going to actually be my girl and you left me?»
Now I’m going to pick up an offense. And you said you were going to be my business partner, but I’m going to pick up an offense, and I keep going through life, I keep letting people go, and it’s been eight years now. I’m walking around in my life, but then something happened with my sister. She didn’t—it’s like I didn’t pick it up, but she put it on me. She let her friend come over and sexually abuse me, and she knew. Out of the four offenses I picked up, the one from my family member was placed on me. Some of us are dealing with offenses: some we picked up, but others we take on, ones that were placed on us by family members, coaches, or people close to us.
Now, I’m more offended. Don’t you ever talk to me like that again at my job! Did you look at me crazy? I’m taking offense! You better get away from me! Oh, so you’re going to act like that’s not how you actually talk? The person at the gym took my machine—are you a Trump supporter? I’m your Trump supporter, huh? Now, let me go reach my destiny. Good morning, Transformation Church. I want to give God praise for using me. Hey, hey, can we Netflix and chill? Can we? Yeah, hold on—you put that on me because I thought we were going to be together, and you left me at the altar. You want me to have it, but you don’t want to help me carry it. Then someone comes over, and you’re the one who cheated—that’s who she cheated with. You were my best friend, and so now the offense becomes the seed of unforgiveness. It’s the place now that I get comfortable; this is where I like to be. It’s more comfortable to live in a place where I’ve let the offense become my new normal.
Every morning, I wake up with unforgiveness in my heart, and I cannot extend to anyone else what I have not received for myself. Why am I telling you this, Pastor Mike? Because some of you are so offended, and that offense has turned into the bed of your unforgiveness. Now God’s saying, «I need you to let that go because I have a plan and a destiny for you that’s bigger than anything that’s happened to you or has been put upon you—put upon you by family members, by friends, by lost situations, or by teachers.» I feel the presence of the Holy Spirit right now because this is a picture depicting some of your lives. Now, you’ve got kids, and you’re teaching them to hold on to everything. «Don’t let go! Your daddy left us; he’s nothing but a sorry sucker.» Then God says, «I’ve got a plan for you, moving with purpose.»
Okay, God, I’m going after you. I’m chasing after you no matter what I have to do, because I need you more and more. God, I’m going to finish everything—hold on, I’m coming! But I can’t leave without these offenses. God, I’m going to do exactly what you told me to do, but I need to make sure that I remember all of these offenses so nobody can ever do me like that again. I’m going to make sure I keep all the scars. If you can use anything, Lord, you can use me. This is how we present ourselves—a holy and living sacrifice before God. Here I am, Lord. God can give a simple instruction: «Lift your hand.» Like, literally, I can’t lift this! This is a little embarrassing—I can’t lift it because it was too heavy for me to carry in the first place.
The problem is, even though your Instagram is popping, this is what your inner man looks like: the father who wasn’t there, the girlfriend or boyfriend who didn’t do what they said they would do, the professor who didn’t pass you after you told them the real reason you missed the class—they didn’t have any grace for you. Maybe it was because they never received that grace. Now, what ends up happening to people who carry all this baggage around? It’s hard to fit through the doors God calls you to with all this baggage. If I took all of this on a plane, I couldn’t occupy my seat. If I took all this baggage with me, it’s very difficult to preach to you and to do what I’ve been called to do—what is already ordained for me to do. It’s hard for me to love my wife, to even hug her, with all of this baggage.
This is the reason why some of your sexual lives, as husbands and wives, have never been able to find that passion: it’s because you’re bringing all the other people who hurt you into bed with you. It’s hard to connect when you’re carrying the weight, and the baggage is either picked up or put on. Look what Matthew 5:23 says: «So, if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar and go and be reconciled with that person. Go forgive the person, then come back and offer your sacrifice to God.» This messed me up because there are so many pastors, worship leaders, and small group leaders trying to serve God to feel better, but they are serving Him with all this unforgiveness.
God said, «I’d rather you not serve and go make it right than to come up in here with all this baggage, because you’re only going to bleed onto the people you lead. You’re only going to transfer this same type of burden to other people.» What I found is this: God values the posture of your heart over the prosperity of your hands. He would rather your heart be right than for you to bring your treasure to Him. I know this is a different teaching, but this shows how important forgiveness is. He says you can do great things for my use in missions all over the world, or starting that nonprofit, or doing all this, but I’d rather you get your heart right; you do great exploits for me. That’s why we have to forgive.
Do you know what this is physically producing in me right now and spiritually producing in you? When you walk around with all of this, it produces forgiveness fatigue because I’ll let one person go, but more stuff happens. Then I let them go, but I’m tired of forgiving. How many more times is this going to happen? I forgave them, but it seems like there’s always more. The truth is, there are so many people listening to me right now who have tried to forgive one, two, three, four, five, six, seven times, but now you’re walking in forgiveness fatigue. «I don’t want to forgive anymore. I guess I’ll just live with it. I know I won’t reach the purpose that God has for me, but I guess this is what I’ll have to deal with.»
What I’m telling everybody is, offense is either picked up or put on, but a fence can always be laid down. It always can be laid down. It always can be laid down, and that’s what I’m praying for everybody in this series. Because that fatigue, forgiveness fatigue, is fighting your faith. Some of you have been in the war of your life just trying to believe God again. It’s fighting your faith; it’s framing your faith. Like everything you see, you don’t see it right because you’re so tired of dealing with people. Some would say life would be great if there were no people in it, but God said, «That’s not the world I made you in.» But I’ve given you a tool to help you walk through pain, even with frustration. It’s framing your faith, and ultimately, it’s failing your faith. That’s why Galatians 6:9 tells us, «Let’s not get weary in doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.»
That’s what God wants—He wants your heart posture to be right. There are people you need to forgive that you’ll never have an actual conversation with again, but your heart posture has to be right toward that person. I’m not telling you that once you forgive we need to be buddies again. We’ll talk about that later in the series because I’m going to teach you how to walk with actual boundaries—how to make sure you’re using wisdom, which is applied knowledge—that your pain is not pointless. I’m going to help you walk through all of that, but I’m asking you: if they came into the room right now, what would your heart posture say? If they called you this week, what would happen in your heart?
God is saying, «Yeah, it may have happened to you, or you may have picked it up, but you can always lay it down.» 1 Peter 5:7 says, «Casting all your cares,"—that’s throwing them—"I’m done with this! I’m sick of this! I’m not going to keep holding them. My father was not there, but my Father God is there. My family and friends forsake me, but He’ll never leave or forsake me. I’m casting all my cares—not upon Instagram, not writing a sonnet to let everyone know how I feel. They can’t actually fulfill anything going on with you. I’m casting all my cares upon Him. Why? Because He cares for you. This is why God gives us these very hard truths to swallow; they’re necessary in our lives.
To survey Luke 17:3: «So watch yourselves! Watch yourselves, because if any believer sins or misses the mark, rebuke that believer.» Rebuke means to directly correct. «Hey, that’s not the way we do that.» You can rebuke somebody in love. You don’t have to be mean to rebuke someone. «Hey, that’s not how we do that. That’s not how we talk to people. That’s not how you handle someone else’s spouse.» You directly correct that person. Then, if there is repentance—repentance simply means to turn. I believe strongly that many of you are going to do this today. This sermon brings value to the idea and the principle—and literally the prerequisite to a Christian life. It brings value to the principle of forgiveness, and God’s saying, «I just need you to turn. I need you to see that it’s not cool or hard to hold on to people. It’s like, if that fool ever messes with me again, I promise you I’m going to die.»
God is not looking at you and saying, «That’s my boy,» the one who’s angry and doesn’t have peace and won’t give me his burdens. He’s saying, «Yeah, I want to use you, but you’ve got to lay that down. You have to give that to me. Let me carry this.» He said, «Even if that person wrongs you seven times a day, and each time turns again and asks for forgiveness,» look at this: «You must forgive.» That’s it! You have the option to forgive, but they slept with my husband! We’re not talking about them; they don’t matter at this point. You must forgive! I know some people are logging off right now or tuning out; it’s okay—you’ll be in bondage for the rest of your life. You’ll be carrying all these bags, and we’ll try to help you, but until you realize you must forgive—somebody say «must"—it’s not a suggestion, it’s not a good idea. God’s saying, «Even if they do it over and over again, you must forgive.»
Now, look—I love the Bible. Look at the disciples' response. It says, «The apostles said to the Lord, 'Show us how to increase our faith.'» They made the correlation that if I’m going to be able to forgive them, I have to have more patience, more love; I need more faith. My last point that I want you to get today because this is just the introduction to the class and the messages God has given me for the rest of this series—Charles, my captain, I’ve got ten messages locked and loaded. Listen: forgiveness requires faith. You will not be able to forgive them on your own. You will not forgive them because you feel bad. You will not forgive them because they deserve it. You will not forgive them—the only way you can forgive people who mistreat you, use you wrongly, talk badly about you, or do things to you is you must have faith.
Today, God is saying you cannot put your faith in the person; you have to put your faith in Me, who’s above the person. Forgiveness requires—say it with me—faith. So many people act like they have faith. I say, «Show me your forgiveness. Prove to me you’ve got faith by the people you’ve forgiven.» «Well, I want to do mighty exploits for God.» Why don’t you talk to them anymore? What happened here? God is saying, «I’m tired of people standing up and declaring faith, but behind the scenes, they have no evidence of it.»
Forgiveness is a place that requires us to have faith in God. What are you saying, Pastor Mike? This is the start—the start of understanding forgiveness university. Being able to forgive others is a process that will take all of us staying focused on the One who can change us from the inside out. Because I cannot forgive the young man who touched me illegitimately when I was five or six years old. I can’t forgive him based on good feelings. I can’t forgive the coach who made me doubt myself and my abilities. I can’t forgive him, because he deserves it, I’m frustrated.
I want to say «f*** you,» and I mean the expletive, but then God requires me to forgive them. How am I supposed to do that? Faith! That’s why when the scripture says we walk by faith, not feelings, because many of us want that scripture to work, we end up walking by feelings and not by sight. We say, «I feel this, and I feel that.» But God said, «Hey, feelings are going to be there, but if you’re a believer, you have to walk by faith.» Every step of letting people go will be a walk of faith. Every time I don’t cuss them out, that was faith at work in me right there because I was about to. Every time you show up for Thanksgiving, it will be a step of faith. Every time you go back to that job—some of you are going back to a job tomorrow—it’s going to require you not to walk in unforgiveness. The fact that you got up and went will be a step of faith. God’s saying, like the disciples said, «Hey, I want to increase your faith for the level of forgiveness that must happen in these ten weeks.»
Look at me—I’m not asking you this week to forgive anybody. I know most pastors want to give you the message and then have you act on it immediately, but not this one—this will take time. You don’t have to forgive anyone this week. All I’m asking you to pray is what these apostles prayed: «God, increase my faith.» Matter of fact, I feel hands lifted everywhere, all over this place. That’s how we will pray; this is how we will end. We will ask God to increase our faith, not so that we can forgive Johnny, our mother, or our brother right now—that’s later. Right now, we are not forgiving the business partner, that employee who left us, or that person who spoke poorly of us. We’re not doing that right now. Right now, we’re going to ask God to just increase our faith because we can’t do this without You.
Holy God, here we are in the first week of this series, asking You to increase our faith. We cannot let go of the baggage that has been placed on us and that we’ve picked up without You. You said, God, that You would be close to us when we are brokenhearted, so today, here we are—with our business degrees, with money in the bank, and with no one around. Father, wherever we’re at in life, we’re asking You to increase our faith because if You’re requiring us to forgive others, that will be hard. But I’m so glad that You are not a God who requires something without helping us do it.
So today, Father God, I’m asking right now, as I lead tens of thousands of people on this journey, God, don’t let me minister anything that You’re not doing in me. So God, right now, I’m asking You to increase my faith. Come on, say it out loud: «God, increase my faith!» Come on, at your house right there, say it: «Increase my faith, Father.»
Some of us need to forgive people sitting next to us; some of us need to forgive those who birthed us. Some of us need to forgive the friends we call our best friends; some of us need to forgive colleagues we work with every day. Some of us need to forgive the people we see in the mirror, God—we need to forgive ourselves. If we’re going to be able to forgive ourselves for the things we did that we said we would never do, we need You to increase our faith because I thank You that You are gathering a group of people on this journey to walk in full deliverance. I declare and believe that the chains that have held people down for years are breaking in the name of Jesus. Holy Spirit, I’m asking You, Father God, to draw people back here every week, not to hear what Pastor Mike has to say but to hear what You have to say—not just to show us that we need forgiveness but to show us how to forgive.
And Father God, when we start walking free—when we start walking in freedom, and people begin to notice that something is different, when the joy of the Lord truly becomes our strength, when relationships are reconciled, and we’re walking free from whatever everyone else is doing—Father God, we won’t take the credit for it, but we will be careful to give You all the glory, all the honor, and all the praise because You are the God who first forgave us. So today, before we ask for strength to forgive anyone else, we’re going to pause and praise You for forgiving us. I dare you right now to lift your voice all over this place, in your home, and thank God for forgiving you. Increase our faith, God, so that we can extend what You’ve done for us to others. In Jesus' name, somebody say, «Amen!»
So today, Father God, I’m asking right now, as I lead tens of thousands of people on this journey, God, don’t let me minister anything that You’re not doing in me. So God, right now, I’m asking You to increase my faith. Come on, say it out loud: «God, increase my faith!» Come on, at your house right there, say it: «Increase my faith, Father.»
Some of us need to forgive people sitting next to us; some of us need to forgive those who birthed us. Some of us need to forgive the friends we call our best friends; some of us need to forgive colleagues we work with every day. Some of us need to forgive the people we see in the mirror, God—we need to forgive ourselves. If we’re going to be able to forgive ourselves for the things we did that we said we would never do, we need You to increase our faith because I thank You that You are gathering a group of people on this journey to walk in full deliverance. I declare and believe that the chains that have held people down for years are breaking in the name of Jesus. Holy Spirit, I’m asking You, Father God, to draw people back here every week, not to hear what Pastor Mike has to say but to hear what You have to say—not just to show us that we need forgiveness but to show us how to forgive.
And Father God, when we start walking free—when we start walking in freedom, and people begin to notice that something is different, when the joy of the Lord truly becomes our strength, when relationships are reconciled, and we’re walking free from whatever everyone else is doing—Father God, we won’t take the credit for it, but we will be careful to give You all the glory, all the honor, and all the praise because You are the God who first forgave us. So today, before we ask for strength to forgive anyone else, we’re going to pause and praise You for forgiving us. I dare you right now to lift your voice all over this place, in your home, and thank God for forgiving you. Increase our faith, God, so that we can extend what You’ve done for us to others. In Jesus' name, somebody say, «Amen!»