Matt Hagee - The War Between Him and Her
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Today we're going to look at the battle between him and her and find out what God wants us to do about it. Let's read Genesis 1:27 and 28. If you're there, say, amen. So God created man in his own image. In the image of God, he created him. Male and female, he created them. God blessed them. And God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and subdue it. Have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth".
Heavenly Father, your word has told us that our world is framed by your spoken speech. Today let us return to the structure that you have designed for our society, a family where one man loves one woman, and together they raise children in the fear of the Lord. Let this power struggle die in this church today, as we sacrifice ourselves for your will, your purpose, and your plan. In Jesus' name, we pray and ask. And all of God's children said, praise the Lord.
You may be seated. Some very simple things to pull out of the text right off the bat. One, we read very clearly, "God created them". Say that with me. "God created them". If we forget that, we are off base from the beginning. In the power struggles that exist, there is a struggle between world views. You'll hear sociologists talk about this. They'll say that there is a biblical world view and then there are other world views. For me, there is one. There is a biblical world view and then there is a secular world view. When you have a biblical world view, a biblical world view says everything that's in this book is true. Not, "Everything I like in this book is true". Because the second that I start picking and choosing what I will and will not apply, I suddenly have a secular world view with a Bible influence.
And there's a lot of people going to church today who have just that. They have a secular world view with biblical influence rather than having a biblical world view that says, if God says it, that settles it. So what I read in Genesis 1:27 is that God created them. He created male and he created female. "And God created them in his image". Now the reason that I enjoy that truth is because there's a lot of people on the earth that I have been sold a theory that we were not created in the image of a divine being: that we evolved. And when you read the Bible, it says, "You were created a little lower than the angels". Now believe me: I prefer being a little lower than the angel instead of a little higher than an ape.
Now, "God created them male and female". Now it sounds silly, but how many of you see two distinct beings there? The rest of you will either have to ask for explanation or we'll e-mail you pictures. "God created them" and they are different. Male and female are different. We're not going to have all the time we need to discuss all of those differences. But I assure you: they are different. And those differences are things that should be celebrated. Men, you should thank God that he made her different than you. Ladies, you should thank God that he made him different than you.
Kendal and I were having a discussion the other day about some of the differences. And the situation came about in this fashion. She came into the room, and she said, "I've got a problem". And I heard, "Problem". And I said, "What"? And she began to describe the problem. And about 15 seconds into the description of that problem, I think she started to talk about another problem. And while she was talking about multiple problems at the same time, about a minute later, she started talking about a third, fourth, fifth, and sixth problem. And then before she even got to the conclusion of the first problem that she began talking about, while I was waiting to see what I could provide for a solution, she said, "Thanks," and just walked out of the room.
And that's when the discussion of our differences began. I said, "Hey, where are you going"? And she said, "What"? I said, "You just started something and now you're leaving". And she goes, "Yeah, I'm done". I said, "But I'm not". And she said, "Why"? I said, "Because you said you have a problem and I love to solve problems". And she said, "I don't want a solution". She said, "I just want you to listen". And I said, "I don't want to listen: I want to fix it". And she said, "You can't fix it". And I said, "Let me fix it". And she said, "No". And then she asked the question, "Why do you always want to solve problems"? I said, "I'm a man: I deal in results. You are a woman: you deal in relationships". I said, "As a man who wants results, you say you've got a problem: it's going to continue to be a problem until we fix it. I'm a Hammer. That's a nail. We just hit it". She said, "Well that's not what I want". I said, "Babe," I said, "Do you remember the Labrador that we had when we got married"? And she said, "Yes".
I loved that dog. That dog was always there. He was always willing. He always wanted to fetch. You walk out on the back porch with a ball in your hand, and he was just like, throw the ball, throw the ball, throw the ball, throw the ball, throw the ball. If you didn't have a ball, he'd go find something you could throw. And he'd just bring it up to you and be like, throw it, throw it, throw it, throw it, throw it, throw it. He was going to terrorize you until you tossed something, because whenever he brought it back to you, he was just waiting for that scratch behind the ears. You're such a good dog. You brought all the stuff back here. You're a good dog. And he'd do it until you were tired. I said, "Honey, I'm like that dog". I said, "You walk into the room and you've got a tennis ball called a problem. And you go look at the problem, here's the problem, check out the problem, I've got a problem, this is a problem, we can fix the problem. Would you like to help me with the problem"?
And then rather than throw the problem so I can go fetch the answer, you go, "Thanks for listening," stick it in your pocket, and just walk out. I want to give you six "C's" for masculinity. Men, don't worry about taking notes. The longer I talk, the more your wife will write. There are six "C's" for masculinity. The first "C" is confidence. Real men are confident. And in order to be confident, you have to have faith in the right thing. You see the word "Confidence" means living with faith. Take it and break it down in its Latin root, "Con," with: "Fideo," faith. So whenever you have confidence, your faith is in something.
Now the thing that a real man cannot be confident in is himself, because if he's confident only in himself, he will sooner or later fail. A real man has faith in God. That's where his confidence comes from. And the confidence that he has in God, living with faith in God, comes from God's word. For the Bible tell us that faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. You cannot have confidence and live in faith unless you hear the Word of God. A real man is intimately connected with this book, because this book is the lamp unto your feet. It's the light unto your path. It's the compass for your life and your household. It's your connection with this book that builds your confidence. And your confidence gives you the ability to be the man that God created you to be. Not only are real men confident, but real men are committed, committed.
Now these "C's" they build on one another, because you can't have commitment unless you have confidence. And a woman wants a man, who is willing to be committed to her, not an asylum, to her. Hebrews 3:14, it says, "We have become partakers of Christ if we hold the beginning of our confidence steadfast to the end". How long do we hold our confidence? To the end. What does that mean? That means that real men don't quit: they endure. Certainly there are times when quit looks good. But a confident, committed man just presses on. They don't quit on their marriage. They don't quit on their kids. They don't quit on their God. They endure and they set an example for others to follow.
One of the reasons why we have a divorce rate past 60% in the United States is because we have children who were raised in single-parent households, and they never got to see how marriage was supposed to work. We've exchanged commitment for convenience. And the moment that something is inconvenient, we no longer are committed to it. It's not commitment if it's always convenient. The other day I was having a conversation with a young couple. And they were talking about the struggles in their relationship. And I asked them a question. I said, "Do you know how people make it to their 40th anniversary"? And the young lady looked at me and said, "No! How"? I looked at him. I said, "They want to". They didn't stayed married 40 years because it was 40 years of convenience. They stayed married 40 years, because it was 40 years of commitment.
But even when it was hard, they still pressed on. Not only is a real man confident and committed, but a real man is courageous. He has courage. And courage is not some macho, chauvinistic definition of courage where you deny fear. That's not courageous: that's stupid. Courage is a willingness to face your fear, to admit that you have a fear but you are willing to try and overcome that fear. You see men, by nature, we get very uncomfortable with what we don't understand. And therefore, we just avoid it rather than face it. But courage is when you're willing to look at what you don't understand, what you're uncomfortable with, and be willing to try. Courage doesn't always succeed. But courage never quits.
There's so much to say on this topic of courage, but I'll take you quickly to king David's Psalm 34:4. He says, "I love the Lord because he heard me. And he delivered me out of all of my fears". "I love the Lord because he heard me. And he delivered me out of all of my fears". David was a courageous man. David was a warrior. David fought a lion. David fought a bear. David fought a giant. David fought many battles. David was a poet. David was a song writer. David was both confident and sensitive. And what he tells us is that he's always had to deal with fear. He said, "I love the Lord because he heard me". He says, whenever I faced a giant and I was filled with fear, I talked to a God who was bigger than the giant, and he overcame my fear.
Real men are courageous and real men are a good source of counsel. For every man in this room, I want to challenge you to pay attention to those you associate with, because who your friends are will determine your future. One of the things that's lacking in the world we live in is a source of good, godly counsel. Young people need to know who they can turn to when they have questions. And it's not your responsibility, as an experienced generation, to say to them, "Go figure it out". Don't turn them loose: take them, show them, teach them. Proverbs 11 says it this way: it says, "Where there is no counsel, people fall. But in a multitude of counselors, there is safety".
A real man is a godly source of counsel. He can look at a younger man. He can look at a boy. He can look at somebody, who needs his experience and expertise, and offer it to them. Where does experience and expertise come from? Where does good counsel come from? It comes from those who have lived through what you're trying to walk through. Not only do you need to be a good source of counsel, but you need to find good counsel. And good counsel has a little bit of wisdom in their hair. Not only does a real man offer counsel, but he also offers his concern. A real man has feelings. He has passion for his purpose. It's the intimacy factor. We read in the Bible that Jesus wept. Why? Because he had feelings. He was worried about Mary and Martha. He was sad over the loss of Lazarus. He was willing to engage with his emotional side.
Today's men don't want to admit they have feelings. And that's a problem. The Bible tells us that Jesus brought children to him: that he blessed them: that he brought them up on his knee. Why? Because he had a heart filled with love. When you demonstrate your feelings, you're showing someone that you actually love them more than you're worried about yourself. And there is an overwhelming lack of that kind of sacrificial love. We have cheapened the word "Love" in our society. The other day, I was listen to my daughter tell all of her friends, as they were leaving the school, "I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you". And that's fine. It was cute. And on the way home, I said, "Baby," I said, "Which one of your friends are you willing to sacrifice for"? And she went, "Wait. What"? I said, "You tell them you love them". I said, "What are you willing to sacrifice for them"? I said, "Because that's the currency of love is sacrifice". I said, "Because as long as it's just about how they make you feel, that's selfish: that's not sacrifice".
And there are a lot of people in some very significant relationships that have to understand that. Your family is not for your gratification: it's for you to sacrifice yourself to satisfy. The sixth "C", all the men can sigh a great deal of relief, because we finished the list, is communicate. A real man communicates. He's not afraid to tell somebody how he feels and do it in a way that doesn't start a fight. Huh. There are other words in the English language. We'll get to them next week. A woman wants a man, who will communicate, not dictate. A woman wants a man, who will communicate with his children, who will tell them right from wrong, who will show them what to do.
If you are going to be a courageous, confident, committed, concerned, communicative man, you have got to make up your mind that you are going to be the man that God created you to be. Now ladies, I've got good news: there aren't six "C's" for you. There's only one "C". But it's a big "C". It's consistency. That's what God wants you to be, consistent. The verse that we base this on comes from Proverbs 31:10. It says, "And she does him", I'm going to stop right there. She does, who? Men, this is your chance. She does, who? Him, not them, him. "She does him good". She does him what? Good. "And not evil", and here's the consistency, "All the days of her life," not seasonally, not around the birthday, "She does him good and not evil all the days of her life". It requires the same sacrifice that a man has to commit to if he's going to fulfill what God wants him to do.
Now when you read the balance of Proverbs 31, what you recognize is that God puts no limit on what a woman can do. He gives her permission to engage in industry, in entrepreneurship, in leadership and community activism. He gives her carte blanche to go do whatever her gifts, her talents and her abilities carry her towards. But she has one motive to do those things. And it's not for her. It's not for a resumã‰. It's not for reputation. It is so that she can do him good and not evil all the days of her life. If she gets up and goes to work, it's because that's what he needs her to do. If she stays home and she takes care of the kids, it's because that's what he needs her to do. And while we're on that subject of staying home and taking care of the kids, if you don't think that's a full-time job, come over to my house, and my curtain climbers will work you out. There's one purpose, consistency.
Now I can say this with some level of expertise, because I was raised in a house with three women, who were my sisters. My mother was a woman. We raised two cousins who were women. There were six of them under one roof. That's why every pet we got was a male, because we just had enough estrogen. So let's talk about some things that will help consistency around your house. One, compliment before you criticize. And all the men said... Consider his motive. Was he trying to help you but he didn't do it right? Compliment him before you criticize. Look at his heart more than you do his hands, because his hands are seldom ever going to do it right. But if he's trying, compliment him before you criticize him.
When we were kids, we would have pep rallies at school whenever we wanted the team to go win the game. The girls would do cheers. And the boys would believe they could win, because men, they respond to that kind of encouragement. They react to that kind of a thing. Wife, if you want your husband to do better at home, throw him a pep rally. Cheer for the boy. Remember he's the Labrador. Walk up and just scratch him behind the ears. You're so good. You're so good. I love you. You're good. You want him to help around the house? I just love it when you help me clean the closets. It's just so nice. I love it. I love it. I love it. You want him to run and hide under the couch, you roll up a newspaper and say, "This house the filthy"!
Consistency compliments before it criticizes. Consistency appreciates instead of compares. Consistency follows instead of tries to control. Consistency loves unconditionally, even when he's wrong. Consistency says, "I love you because that's how God loves me". We've got to do all that is within us to pull the family in this country back together. There is a power struggle. And as an individual, you may not be able to solve the political power struggle. As an individual, you may not be able to solve the economic power struggle. As an individual, there may be a lot of things in this world that you cannot have an impact on. But the one place that God gave you influence and impact is in your home. Go be the man that God created you to be. Go be the woman that God created you to be, because the impact that you're going to have on your children and you were grandchildren will live on forever.
Can we stand to our feet? With every head bowed and every eye closed, you're in this place today. And you say, pastor, my home is in a power struggle. It's a struggle between sacrifice and love and selfishness. It's a struggle because I am choosing my feelings instead of my facts. I want to live my way instead of God's way. And today, I need that power struggle to stop so that my home can become a place of peace and my family can become a unified body filled with love today. If that describes you in any way, I'd love for you to raise your hand and join me in this prayer. I want everyone in this room to repeat these words with me.
Lord Jesus Christ, I thank you for creating me in your image, making me who I am, and giving me the opportunity to serve others with love. Lord, today, I sacrifice my will for yours, my way for your word, my desire for your plan, your purpose in my home. In Jesus' name, I pray this prayer. Amen.