Marcus Mecum - The Kiss of Forgiveness
Luke 7. I wanna talk to you about the kiss of forgiveness. Everybody say, «The kiss of forgiveness». Let’s look at our Bibles real quick and we will read Luke 7:46. I might have 'em throw it up on the screen. «You did not give me a kiss, but this woman,» speaking of a prostitute, Jesus is speaking of a woman who’s experienced great forgiveness. «From the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet». Isn’t it amazing that this woman kissed God? Did you know you can kiss God? How do you kiss him? With your forgiveness.
Let’s go to 2 Samuel 14. We’ll look at a great Old Testament story that gives us a beautiful picture of forgiveness. Let’s look at verse 33. «So Joab went to the king and told him this. The king summoned Absalom,» that’s David’s son, «And he came in and bowed down with his face to the ground before the king. And the king kissed Absalom». And the king kissed, a kiss is a mark of affection, respect, love, passion. It’s to express a thought or a feeling by the contact of the lips. A kiss is a gentle touch. And the Bible says, «And the king kissed Absalom».
David’s son, Absalom, seven years prior to this event had murdered his brother, David’s first born son Amnon for something that he did, and we’ll walk through that. And so this moment is a moment where David is seeking restoration for his family and the king kissed Absalom. Now, I don’t think there’s one person in here that would say that you do not need the touch of forgiveness. We all need that gentle touch or kiss of forgiveness. The story here is a graphic, extreme picture of forgiveness. And upfront I want to acknowledge that for some of you this will be uncomfortable. But I’m thankful that the scripture does not stray away from uncomfortable things because there are people in this room that though uncomfortable I do believe that the Holy Spirit can speak to your situation even if it’s not as extreme as this story might be.
This tragic story is one of fists and kisses. It is a story of Amnon, David’s first born son, has raped his half-sister Tamar. He’s overpowered her sexually, after that he has thrown her out of his house. She’s humiliated, she’s weeping bitterly, she’s crying out for help. Absalom runs to her aid, brings her to his house to protect her, to try to help her overcome what’s happened. He sends word to his dad, David, concerning what Amnon has done and David is absolutely furious. And Absalom, every single day for two years, wakes up waiting for David to do something. Everyday he has to look at his sister that was once joyful, she’s described as beautiful, joyful, full of life, now is desolate, abandoned, lonely, barren, and lifeless. And every day Absalom has to wake up to the inaction of David.
After two years he decides to take matters in his own hands and he sets up an ambush for Amnon, gets him drunk, and has him murdered. In fear, Absalom runs to a nearby neighboring country, Geshur, where his grandfather is the king of the Geshurites. He takes safe harbor there in that country for three years. In his mind there’s no chance of David ever getting over this, but the Bible says David longed to see Absalom. He missed him. Joab knowing this creates the scenario for Absalom to return. He returns but David still is not ready to see Absalom face to face so he keeps him at a distance. For two years Absalom is trying to get in to have an audience with his father, king David. For two years there’s no response. Finally he burns down Joab’s field, the guy that’s trying to create restoration, burns down his livelihood and this extreme reach gets the attention of king David, and king David finally decides to meet with his son Absalom.
Absalom walks into the throne room where David is, bows down, and the Bible says David, the king, kissed Absalom. In this story we see an innocent victim, we see revenge, we see unforgiveness, we see murder, and we see a broken family. And we see two ways to handle the offenses in life, fists or kisses. The Bible says there’s one thing is impossible. One thing the Bible declares is impossible and that is offenses must come. There’s no way to live this life without offenses. So we’re gonna walk through Absalom’s choice in the fist of revenge. We’ll even get it, maybe even enjoy that Amnon got what he deserved. Secondly we’ll look at the kiss of forgiveness with David. After seven years of heartbreak, finally, his family is possibly going to be restored.
So in the fist of revenge we understand that there is the innocent victim in Tamar. We understand that Amnon is getting away with an evil, evil, wicked thing. But I want us to focus not just on the event, though I’m not making light of the event. Many of you that are here have faced something very tragic. But I want you to see what the revenge in Absalom does. He murders Amnon, possibly a justifiable thing, and if it would’ve stopped there, we would maybe be able to shake hands with revenge. But we would know that it doesn’t stop there. We would know that David, even in many ways, decides Absalom is justified in what he did and forgives him. But we see that unforgiveness is going to bind Absalom together with others.
In the same way that love binds people together, revenge will bind people together. Absalom goes from this moment, after he kills Amnon, and he drags revenge into every single future relationship. It begins to be seen when he has his daughter, he names his daughter Tamar after his sister. Which is interesting because if it was a sign of respect we could get it, but more than likely Absalom did this to spite his father’s inaction. That every time he says her name he’s stirring up his need to get revenge. Revenge is insatiable. Revenge is something that you cannot easily satisfy. He goes from the murder of Amnon to the destruction of Joab’s livelihood. From there he lives a double life, acting like he’s received the forgiveness of his father but every day he goes out to the city gates and looks for those who have complaints against David, looking for David’s critics, looking for David’s enemies to pull them together and really to draw them to himself.
He’s working on a mutiny. He’s working on taking over the throne of his father David. Finally he gathers enough of a following, he’s got an army, he’s got people, now, that have turned against his dad in their hearts and he decides to take over Jerusalem, the palace, and ultimately the throne. David has to leave, running for his life. David leaves behind ten concubines. And imagine this, Amnon takes these 10 women against their will on the rooftop of the palace and has sex with them to humiliate his father.
Notice the very thing Absalom despised he’s become? The very thing he says I’ve gotta murder that and another, now, has come alive in him. His revenge didn’t stop there. It turns a protective brother into a vindictive son. Amnon was not enough, turning the nation against David was not enough, the throne was not enough, the ten wives humiliating them and humiliating David was not enough. He continues to hunt after David, looking to kill him and to end anybody associated with David and in the end it cost him his own life. From there his daughter, Tamar, has to grow up. She’s the one named after his offense and she has to grow up without a father. She has to grow up knowing that her dad hated David more than he loved her.
So revenge has its ripple effects. So it is with Absalom it is with us. You and i, when we’re hurt in life and we choose to get tunnel vision and we choose to think about nothing but getting even, it hurts those we love, it Marks them, it names them after our offense, it names them after our unforgiveness and they carry it in their lives as well. Revenge is not static. It’s like a malignant cancer, it grows and grows and grows. Matthew 18, Simon Peter tells Jesus, «I believe I’m a spiritual giant because I can forgive seven times». And Jesus says, «You’re not even close, you have to forgive seven times 70,» or 490 times. What Jesus was teaching Simon Peter was simply this, that forgiveness is not about the one who caused the offense it’s always about the offended. It’s always about us. And we say, «Well they don’t deserve my forgiveness, they haven’t earned my forgiveness».
And so Jesus goes into the story of a wealthy king who’s just forgiven a man of a debt that was unpayable. He’s released. He’s free from the debt. Walks out of the prison, goes and finds a man who owes him a couple of bucks and puts him in prison until he pays it back. When the wealthy king hears about the ungratefulness of the man he had just forgiven an unpayable debt, he goes, reimprisons him, hands him over to his torturers to be tormented. The scripture is clear that when we choose the fist of revenge, the same thing happens to us when we refuse to forgive. We turn our lives over to tormenting spirits, we turn our life over to torture. How many people has God forgiven? How many people has God shed his love abroad in their hearts but yet every single day, relationally, emotionally, in every imaginable way, they’re walking around tortured by the tormenting spirit of unforgiveness and revenge.
So Jesus said, «If need be, 490 times a day you must find a way to forgive». What’s he saying? Never turn your life over to be tortured by unforgiveness. When you harbor unforgiveness you’re saying, «You control my life. You’re in control, you’re the one who decides, my life is in your hands,» is what you give them. But when you forgive it’s not saying they’re right, it’s saying, «I’m releasing myself from their control». What you never forgive, you’ll relive. Jeremiah 34, the weeping prophet tells king Zedekiah, he says, «Listen you’re gonna have to let the captives go. You’re gonna have to forgive 'em of their debts. God has been very clear you let them go and you release them of these debts».
The kings listens. Unbeknownst to him, king Nebuchadnezzar was on his way with his army to destroy Jerusalem. King Nebuchadnezzar hears that the king has released these prisoners and forgiven them of their debts. And when he hears of king Zedekiah’s forgives it touches his heart, he chooses to not attack Jerusalem, turns around and heads back home to Babylon. As he’s on his way back king Zedekiah does something strange, he changes his mind and he goes and re-enslaves the prisoners that he had released and he charges the debt back to their account. The same messenger that told king Nebuchadnezzar of the king’s forgiveness now tells king Nebuchadnezzar that the king has changed his mind, playing the forgiveness game, «I forgive you, I forgive you not». And the rest is history. Nebuchadnezzar returns, overthrows Jerusalem, takes Israel back into Babylonian captivity for 70 years.
So when you hear about the destruction of Jerusalem you hear about the destruction of the great Solomon’s Temple and you wonder how did that happen? How would God let his people come from Egypt, go through the wilderness, come into the Promised Land, build the magnificent Solomon’s Temple, I mean, David lived his life saving up. People gave all this stuff to build the great Solomon’s Temple, how did this happen? It happened because a king did not understand the consequences of choosing not to forgive. You have an entire book in your Bible that is given because that king changed his mind on forgiveness, he chose the fist. That book is the book of Lamentations and you can read that book and it’s nothing but sadness and horror because of what somebody chooses not to forgive.
How many Christians are living Lamentations every single day of their life? Why? Because they underestimate the fist of revenge. A study at Stanford university says if you’ll get of a grudge it can slash your stress level by 50%. It goes on to say that bitterness is toxic to the body. It’s poison to the body. It’s like acid in a Styrofoam cup. Not your mind, not your spirit to your physical body, bitterness is absolutely destructive in every way. Pope John Paul the ii was shot four times and survived and years later he decides to do something unimaginable, pardoned the man that tried to kill him. When he was asked why, how could you do that, he said, «If I pardon him, God will pardon me».
He went on to say forgiveness is heroic. That it heals the most wounded hearts. That it heals pain and resentment in our life before it does anything to the person we forgive. He would end up going to visit his assassin, have a private conversation with him before he’s released. And in essence what he was saying is as long as this man is behind bars my heart is imprisoned and in torment. When you forgive it’s painful. When you kiss revenge goodbye, it hurts. It hurts to imagine someone’s getting away with what they did to me but healing follows forgiveness. Healing follows forgiveness. Luke 6:28 says, «Pray for those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you,» and pray for them to blessed. John Calvin said this kind of prayer is exceedingly difficult. This is the PhD of prayers.
When I live by the fist of revenge I’m saying, «God I don’t believe you can handle this so I’m gonna take it. I know you forfeited glory, I know you defeated death, hell and grave, but you cannot possibly handle this». But when I just let it go and I choose to forgive I say, «God I trust you’ll defend me. I’m acknowledging somehow you can handle this better than me and I give it over to you». And so the king kissed Absalom. A fist or a kiss. Absalom could not put down his fist of revenge and it ended up costing him his life. David chooses to exchange the fist for a kiss and he kissed Absalom. He decided instead of getting even, I wanna give the gentle touch of forgiveness.
A recent study shows that thinking about reconciliation sparks activity in the left temporal gyrus meaning you have a mental forgiveness center that God has given you just waiting to be tapped. When Jesus was in the garden he walked us through how this works. You might remember Judas, one of his disciples, walks in after he’s betrayed him and he kisses him. And Jesus, in that moment, whispers in his ear, knowing what he’s just done, whispers in his ear and calls him friend. So how do you exchange the fist for a kiss?
You kiss that thing, you kiss that situation, and you call it friend. Jesus understood that without that event there would be no Calvary, there would be no empty tomb, and so Judas, though what he did what wrong, it was evil, it was condemnable in every possible way, Jesus chose to say as a result of that I have to make friends with it because it carried me to my destiny. Kiss it and call it friend. Think about the cross, and I think about the very moment that hell experienced the chill of defeat. It was not when Jesus took the beating on his back, it wasn’t when they nailed his hands to the cross, it wasn’t during his excruciating suffering.
What caused hell to tremble was one word, forgive. When he said that word his job was finished. Unseen hands tore the veil from top to bottom, behind the veil was the mercy seat. Simply put, before that moment mercy was seated, but after Jesus declared forgive, mercy stood up. And mercy marched through the streets of Jerusalem, and mercy touched the thief on the cross, and mercy reached down and touched the Roman centurian soldier that had stabbed Jesus on his side, and mercy dove down to hell and wrestled back the keys of death, sin, and the grave. And what you and I have to always remember is Jesus taught us how you push the enemy back, it’s through one word, forgive, forgive, forgive. Exchange the fist for a kiss and you’ll defeat the enemy every single time in your life.