Levi Lusko - I Have A Bad Feeling About This

Welcome to Fresh Life Church. We’re so glad you’re here. It does my heart good to see you. If you’re new to the church, you may not be aware- and that’s okay. I’m really glad that if you are new to the church, you’re with us today. Whether you joined online or came here at the invitation of a friend, or maybe you’re new to one of our communities and looking for a church, we’re so glad you’ve come. It means the world to our family.

We’ve been a little bit thrown off-kilter, as life tends to do that, and that’s because, well, two weeks ago now, Easter weekend, we were all planning and moving toward, of course, ministry here. Here’s what you need to know: if you’re going to be a pastor, you’re going to work holidays, all right? It’s just how it goes. I was chatting with my mom, and I realized that I have not had a Christmas, a Thanksgiving, or an Easter with my family since we started this church 17 years ago. On Easter Sunday, I stood here and preached Easter Sunday service to you all without being with any of my family, and that’s just part of the job. I' m not telling you that to make you feel bad or whatever; if you’re a soldier, you do your soldier things. If you are a grocer, you have to deal with the rush of Super Bowl parties, right? All the things.

So we all have our unique challenges. I haven’t missed an Easter Sunday in 17 years — until this year-because on Good Friday at 2 p.m., we were told my dad had days to live. We thought we had another year, year and a half; they said up to two years given the chemo protocol he was on. So to just be blindsided like that, «You have days,» and by the time I jumped on the first plane I could and got there, he had already lost the power to speak. So just days later, he was with Jesus, and there’s never a good time to see someone you love leave this world. Had we lived out the year or two, we would have wanted more. And that’s because God gave us a great leader in our family. My dad was an amazing person-not a perfect person, but a wonderful person. And let me tell you something, if you’re a part of this church and it has blessed you in any way, you’ve been blessed by my dad. That’s a fact.

So my friend Shawn jumped in, and thank you, Shawn, thank you Jill Johnson of Red Rocks Church, for preaching us through the Easter weekend. We spent, of course, the holiday in the hospital, in chaos, and then in hospice, and then he went home to be with Jesus early Tuesday morning. My dad was a morning person, so the joke’s on all of us that he jumped us all at 12:02 a.m. He went home to be with Jesus. I slept by his bedside until he was with the Lord. I promised him when I got there I wouldn’t leave his side, and I didn’t until he was with Jesus. He went home while I was asleep. I fell asleep, and he snuck out on me.

So anyhow, I’m excited today to give you the message I was going to give originally on Easter, if that’s okay-if we could have a redo. I wrote it at the beginning of the series, so excited all through the journey to give it to you, and as God would have it in His providence, it’s all about what God can do with broken hearts. So it’s for me as much as for you, but if you’ve got a broken heart, I welcome you to use it too. I’m glad to be here in the house. I’ve found there’s not a better way to grieve than together with God’s people, with our hands lifted high in worship. There’s not a better way.

So, you know, if you’re going to make it at this church, we’re going to go through some stuff. I can’t think of a better way than to do it running toward the roar together. I’ve cried a lot of hot tears in worship with you over the years, and as time will and God will allow, I’m sure there will be a few more. We get to be strong and weak correspondingly and differently, and I really do appreciate from the bottom of my heart the way you’ve been strong in a period of weakness. We’ll continue to do so, and I’ll have your back in the days to come. But today, I’ll ask for some of your strength if that’s all right.

So open your Bibles with me to the New Testament book of John. We’ll be in John 20 and in John 19. Let me start with a quote from Aslan the Lion in C.S. Lewis’s Narnia. It’s perhaps my favorite quote in the whole book. He says to the children in the last book, the book that represents the Book of Revelation, «Children, you are not yet so happy as I mean you to be.» Now listen to me: this Lion has given them life; He represents Jesus, of course. He has laid down His life to redeem them. He’s brought them through everything, and now He has ushered them into what Revelation language would call the new heavens and new earth. They don’t fully comprehend and fathom everything that has been given to them through the precious blood of this noble beast, this Lion, this King who died. He wants their eyes to be open to all that is theirs, and so He poses a haunting question that should haunt us: «Why are you not as happy as I mean you to be?»

If today you would say, «I have faith in God, sure, Levi. I believe in God absolutely,» or «I want to believe in God,» but if I’m honest, deep down there are some parts of me that perhaps are given over to sadness-there are some broken places in my heart-let me tell you something: this message is for you.

We have a laminated sheet that sits by our kitchen in our dining area as a family. It was given to us by our friend Goff, who does a podcast alongside her friend Dave Thomas, raising boys and girls. We’re big fans of them. I think we just recorded an episode with them that’s going to go on their podcast soon. So if you have kids or if you are involved in the lives of kids in any capacity, we would highly recommend this podcast to you. We’ve had them on our show as well. They sent this to us, and it’s one of the most simple yet surprisingly helpful things we’ve ever been given. It’s a chart called «Let’s Taco’Bout Feelings.»

And what’s helpful about an emotional chart like this that basically just gives names to different states you can be in-guilty, proud, confused, sad, jealous, happy, afraid, lonely, mad, nervous, disappointed, hopeful, embarrassed, grateful, frustrated-is that a lot of times, we get locked up in how we feel. We’re just mad; we’re just bugged; we’re just frustrated. But if we would take the time to actually assess what we’re feeling, we’re not really just bugged; we’re actually feeling guilty. We’re not really actually bugged. If we were to be honest, if we were to really comb through it, and sort things out and sift things up, if we were to actually talk about our feelings a little bit, we would be able to say, «I’m actually just afraid.»

Now, is it a little condescending when Jenny brings this out to me one-on-one, and the kids aren’t even there? Yeah, sure, all right. But such tools are helpful for us to be able to point at what we’re actually feeling. The title of my message today is, «I Have a Bad Feeling About This.» That’s a wonderful quote from the movie Star Wars. You’re like, «Which one?» That’s a very general way to put it. Actually, every single Star Wars movie, except for one, includes that exact line. Did you know that? Every single one. I’ll tell you by the end which one does not include it, but every single Star Wars movie-don’t you dare Google it! You’ll go straight to hell if you Google it on your own. You’ll ruin the climactic conclusion of this talk if you Google it. Honor system- Jesus sees you! You will take the legs out from under this preacher.

Every single Star Wars movie except for one has the line, «I have a bad feeling about this.» It comes out of the mouth of Luke Skywalker; it comes out of the mouth of Leia, his sister; and at various points in the journey, his crush, right? That’s so Old Testament. Come on! It also comes out of the mouth of C-3PO and Anakin Skywalker-in case you aren’t hit with the journey, that’s also Luke’s dad and Leia’s dad. Even BB -8 says it at one point, or beeps it at one point.

We’ve been for weeks in a series of messages called «The Wonderful Cross,» where we are examining, probing, studying, and devotionally gazing at the seven places on the body of Jesus that He bled from while He hung on the cross: His two feet, His two hands, and His back. We’re not here for information; we kneel and gaze up for transformation and in worship and recognition of the great price that was paid to save us. «See from His head, His hands, His feet, sorrow and love flow mingled down.» We’ve come to the final of the seven: the Heart- the Broken Heart of Jesus, His pierced heart. We do so employing, as a metaphor, the ways in which we can find healing for our emotions as we come to the cross.

We’ve talked about each of the pieces and what they might represent creatively as we look at them. For the back that was whipped, the Bible does say, «By His stripes, we are healed.» So, specifically, the stripes on the back could easily represent the parts of our lives where we’ve turned our back on Jesus, where we’ve all been the coward, right, and where we’ve been on the receiving end of other people walking out on us who said they never would. I’ve gotten a little guarded over the years of this church when someone says, «To the grave with you, with you to the end.» Right? That usually means, «I’ll be here at most a year.» That’s usually what that means.

So it’s hard for me to not be a little bit traumatized by any promise of grandiosity to the mission forever, nor would I ask that of anybody, because as I read the book of Acts, the Holy Spirit does move people about, right? People can be flaky, and there’s another part of that, so make of that what you will. But I’m, for one, really happy that I have a place to bring the whip marks on my back because I can find healing when I come to His. Is anybody with me on that? He’s been there; He’s done that. He didn’t even have a t-shirt because He was stripped naked before He was whipped.

So that’s been our habit and custom throughout the movements of this collection of messages. As we come to what took place inside Jesus’s thoracic cavity-what took place in His heart, in His chest as the spear went in-I believe gives us language and provides us a location to bring our emotional upheaval to when we experience something on the less than stellar side of the taco chart.

And I got bigger problems than this that can’t even be represented because I’m like, «I ordered a burrito! I don’t know what to tell you!» Isaiah 53-let’s read it one more time. «Surely,» notice what I’ve underlined, «He has borne our…and carried our…"-say it with me. «Yet we esteemed Him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But He was wounded for our transgressions; He was bruised for our iniquities. The chastisement for our peace was laid upon Him, and by His stripes, we are healed.»

You’ll notice some beats to the story that maybe are out of sync with the narrative that Jesus just came so we wouldn’t go to hell. The text includes not just Him on the cross dealing with our iniquities and our transgressions, but specifically carrying our grief. Hello!

How does it feel to grieve? Let me ask myself real quick. «Really that bad?» Yeah, apparently it’s not good. And on the cross, Jesus carried my grief and yours. And how about sorrow? How about sadness? How about all the states of the «Taco About It» chart that don’t feel so good on the inside and drive us to bad behavior on the outside? For it’s not ever just a thing-the addiction, the affair, the lashing out. It’s always what, help me out: It’s the thing under the thing. And Jesus carried the thing under the thing for you.

So the cross, if we were to then boil it down, isn’t just about spiritual cleansing but also about emotional healing. Let this sink in: at the cross, Jesus did take care of what was necessary for you to go to heaven and not hell. There was a judicial act to it. There was a sense in which a payment was made. We’ll talk more about that in a second.

He did take care of what was needed for you to go free spiritually, but He also took care of what you need to walk in healing emotionally. It wasn’t just sin; it also included sadness and the broken places in your heart. You have a place to bring them when you come to Jesus, and you see that His heart was pierced for you.

Now, if we’re honest, backing up now that we’ve identified our subject matter-the Heart of Jesus, where He bled from-and the sad and bad feelings that you’ve had to carry in your life, which to not be exhaustive, could include for you the fear, the rage, the jealousy, the guilt, the embarrassment, the despair, the self-loathing, the shame, the feeling of being unwanted, the feeling of being damaged, or being used, or less than. All of these feelings that we can have can be, at times, too much for one person to even contain.

We must step back further and acknowledge that the cross and bad feelings can’t be separated at all. What do you mean? I mean literally, Pilate said it best: «It was for envy Jesus was handed over.» Pilate said this guy’s not guilty-he hasn’t done anything wrong. Interviewing Jesus unsettled Pilate deeply because he would ask Him questions like «Where are you from?» and He’d be like, «My kingdom’s not of this world.» Like, that’s a creepy answer. What does that even mean? Right? Pilate wasn’t used to this; Pilate was used to people like conning, trying to beg their way out of it, you know, trying to butter him up. And this guy just stood there cool and collected, completely at ease, as though from before the foundation of the world, this moment had been on His heart.

And Pilate got the really creepy sense that he was not in charge, even though he was the governor. He said it was for envy; the Jews were envious of this guy. What’s envy? A bad feeling! Envy-a bad feeling-put Jesus on the cross because they were jealous of Him. But nobody sat the Pharisees and the Sadducees down and said, «This is why you’re sad.» Instead, they said, «Well, He’s polluting the nation, and He’s going to get us in hot water,» and they’ll take away our-

They’ll take away your power, won’t they? Your envy? Just say it-say what’s really underneath. «You’re jealous of Jesus because everyone likes Him more than they like you.» But they wouldn’t acknowledge their bad feeling, and so they lashed out irrationally, and Pilate smelled it all.

Halfway through the legal proceedings, Pilate’s wife stormed in. «Pilate! Pilate! Pilate!» «What? What? I’m kind of doing something right now.» «I had a terrible dream.» «About?» «I’m kind of busy right now.» «I had a dream that you are about to condemn an innocent man to death, and God does not want you to do that, no matter what happens.» «Thanks, honey.»

Okay, just know that whatever you’re about to do, I had a bad feeling about this. And off she goes, and Pilate’s left there knowing he should let Jesus go free, but fearing what Caesar will do if he rats on him that he let potentially an insurrectionist go free-and so fearing for his own neck. He was already on thin ice with Rome because he had failed to keep the peace multiple times and if it blew up, it was going to show Caesar that this guy was not the man for the job. So he condemned someone he knew was innocent, let a murderer go free, and sentenced the Lord of Glory to die.

Oh, he tried to wash the blood off his hands with water, but only the blood of Jesus can take care of our iniquity. So bad feelings and the cross-they go hand in hand. We could continue on; we could talk about the despair and shame of His followers who all abandoned Him in the garden in His moment of need. Only John, we know for sure, actually showed up at the cross. We could talk about the bitterness of the regret and the remorse of Peter and Judas-one who was driven by his despair to the feet of Jesus and the other to the opposite. Or how about Mary, Jesus’s mom, who, as she stood there at the cross looking up at her son that she gave birth to, I wonder if she didn’t hear in her ears the voice of the prophet who, at Jesus’s circumcision, had said, «One day, young woman, a sword will pierce through your soul.»

I’ve read a lot of grief literature. I have not found in all of language a better description for what it feels like to bury your child. If you lose a spouse, you’re a widow or widower; if you lose your parents, you’re an orphan. But there’s not in the English language a word for what it means to be, as a parent, at the grave of your child. But «a sword pierced through your soul» comes pretty darn close to my experience.

In what I’ve walked through in these 41 years on this planet, the second most I’ve heard was in the last two weeks, having now had the bitter honor of not just burying a child but also burying my dad. And you don’t have to have faced those exact situations, but you live long enough on this earth- there’s going to be some knife blades through your heart, some swords that will pierce your soul.

That’s the bad news. The good news is you don’t have to face it alone. You can bring your sword-pierced heart to the Heart of Jesus, where there is room for every bad feeling that you will ever carry in your entire life.

Now to my text, okay? John chapter 20. Say to the preacher, «You’re in trouble!» See? You got carried away. You keep on saying it, now you’re coming to your text way later than you planned. Later- so pray with me. «In Jesus' name, help this man preach!»

Okay, John chapter 20: «Then, the same day at evening, being the first day of the week, when the doors were shut"-someone say, «the doors were shut"-"where the disciples were assembled for fear of the…» I’ll take it from here. Jesus came and stood in the midst and said to them, «Peace be with you.» When He had said this, He showed them His hands and His side. Then the disciples were glad when they saw the Lord. So Jesus said to them, «Peace to you. As the Father has sent Me, I also send you.»

And when He had said this, He breathed on them and said to them, «Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them. If you retain the sins of any, they are retained.»

Now Thomas, called the Twin, one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. The other disciples, therefore, said to him, «We have seen the Lord.» So he said to them, «Unless I see in His hands the print of the nails, and put my finger into the print of the nails, and put my hand into His side, I will not believe.»

Now after eight days, the disciples were again inside, and Thomas was with them. Then Jesus came, the doors being shut, stood in the midst and said, «Peace to you.» Then He said to Thomas, «Reach your finger here and look at my hands, and reach your hand here and put it into my side. Do not be unbelieving, but believing.»

Thomas answered and said to Him, «My Lord and my God!»

And Jesus said to him, «Thomas, because you have seen Me, you have believed. Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.»

Now there is much I love about this text, much I have preached, and much I intend to preach in the coming days. But let me, before moving back into our normal message flow, just point out three things that are lovely about this text for all of us to consider.

The first being that we can applaud-and should applaud-Thomas for not being afraid to show up, even though he wasn’t at a place in his life where he believed. He still showed up. He told them, «I don’t believe you. This doesn’t make any sense to me. I don’t understand. I’m not with you; I’m not at the place you’re at.» But he didn’t let that keep him home.

The second Sunday, he was at a place where he, from his own admission, said, «I’m giving into my doubts here. I don’t know what’s going on. Everything’s out of control here.» But he still showed up anyway. Can we have the faith to show up even when we don’t have any faith? Can we be a people who can show up even when we don’t feel like we have what it takes?

I want to applaud the faith of Thomas for being at a spot in his journey where he was struggling, but he still showed up in God’s presence. He still showed up when the church gathered. He still showed up on the first day of the week. Can we hurt but still show up? Can we keep showing up?

It’s not my sermon, but I also have to say how encouraged I am that the apostles clearly longed for Thomas to experience what they had-that is, the power of the presence of the risen Lord, which is what is always promised to us as we gather in the name of Jesus. They so longed, because having experienced it themselves, they were so blown away by the presence of God.

Which is greater than one moment of it is greater than a thousand years anywhere else, and they so longed for Thomas to experience what they had experienced that they encouraged him to feel like he belonged with them even when he didn’t believe. Could we be a church that is open to people and embraces people to belong here in our midst, to belong beside us, to belong on the journey of faith with us even when they don’t believe?

Could we be a people who would so long for the world to know the love of Christ? That is greater than any treasure to be found on this earth, that you don’t have to be cleaned up, you don’t have to have stopped sinning, you don’t have to smell right, you don’t have to know the verbiage, you don’t have to know the Bible. You don’t have to be beyond your pain; you don’t have to have your orientation all sorted scripturally. But we could say, «You belong here in our midst,» even and especially when you don’t believe.

Like Thomas was encouraged, it wasn’t like the second: «Oh really? You don’t believe? He’s risen? Well then screw you, pal. Call us when you get it together.» He was embraced and encouraged to be there with them in the gathering.

And it’s not my sermon, but I also just have to say how blessed I am by Jesus, who went out of His way to come back the next week, physically seeking out the unbeliever. And there’s no trace of derision or condemnation in His voice. There’s no scorn; there’s some loving sarcasm for sure because this is Jesus we’re talking about here, but you can’t find condemnation.

He comes to a person who said, «I don’t believe,» and Jesus said, «I bring you peace.» Come on, can we praise God for a Savior who brings peace to the unbeliever? If you’re agnostic, and if you’re an atheist, and if you don’t know what to believe, and if you don’t know what to make sense of scripture, here’s what Jesus wants for you: peace! He breathes peace. He comes with peace. He comes saying to you, «I want you to experience tip-to-tail wholeness, head-to-toe wellness- not just for your sins, but for your soul.»

Isn’t your soul heavy? Doesn’t your soul sometimes just feel weary? Don’t you just feel like there’s just a tiredness inside of you that you don’t quite know what to do with? Jesus does! He has healing for your broken heart -spirit, soul, body, Shalom!

Now, again, that’s not my sermon, but what I do want to talk about is how that wound got there because He referenced it twice-He referenced it the first gathering, Easter, and He referenced it the second gathering, the week after Easter.

Now, there’s room for a delicious preacher joke about how more people are going to be there on Easter than the week after Easter, and how you get double credit in heaven if you come the week after Easter, not just Easter. But Thomas messes all that up because he missed Easter. But then you get the point.

We don’t need to go into all that, but we do have to acknowledge that Jesus kept saying, «The hole in my side! Touch the hole in my side!» I’m like, «Wait! He was crucified! How do you get a hole in your side if you were crucified?»

I know about nails through hands and nails through feet. Well, we got to go back a chapter, so flip back to John chapter 19. Jesus is still hanging on the cross. He has just died. «Into thy hands, I commit my spirit,» were His last words. Then the soldiers came and broke the legs of the first and the other who were crucified with Him. But when they came to Jesus and saw that He was already dead, they did not break His legs.

But one of the soldiers pierced His side with a spear, and immediately-this is a very important word — blood and water came out. As the spear went through the pericardium, water would have gushed, and then into the heart, blood would have gushed. But immediately a mixture of blood and water came out, showing that Jesus’s heart had already ruptured in death-pulmonary cardio asphyxiation. He died literally of a broken heart.

And the mixture, this watery-bloody serum that gushed out immediately, showed He was already dead; thus, He didn’t need to have His legs broken. «Crucifer» was the technical term for how the Romans, when bored, could speed up a crucifixion. Jesus didn’t need to have that happen, and it fulfilled messianic prophecies that not one bone of the Messiah would be broken.

The day He died, how close He was to having that sledgehammer swung! But not one jot, not one tittle of God’s messianic prophecies will fall to the ground; they will all be fulfilled, and so Jesus died, no bones broken but with a gaping hole in His side. Think of our bleeding Savior with a gaping hole in His side as He died. Oh, what trauma there was at the cross!

We shouldn’t rush through it, should we? What trauma there was! Oh, Jesus died. No, no, no, no — first of a few takeaway truths: there was trauma involved at the cross, and this would be deeply traumatic to endure. All of it-the struggling to breathe, seeing His mother, the taking time to take care of other people when He hardly had anything himself to give-this trauma is one that we should find comfort in because as we face what we do, the Bible specifically says we have a high priest who can sympathize with us.

When you feel like your heart’s been stabbed through with a spear, you should remember, «Hold on. My high priest knows what this feels like!» And thus can shoulder my burden because while He was on the cross, He was carrying my griefs and my sorrows. Come on, somebody! I’m not alone! I’m not alone! My God has been there and more.

But there’s not just trauma involved at the cross! This text also clearly shows to us and tells us that while Jesus was hanging on the cross, there was a transaction that took place! Like the Square Reader chip tap: «Would you like to add a tip?» Everyone wants a tip now, right? We’re getting better at transactions. Apple Pay is making transactions better.

Does anybody feel like, «Oh my gosh, you don’t take Apple Pay? What’s wrong with you?» In the few instances left in this world where you hear «cash only,» you’re like, «You don’t even know what to do anymore,» right? So transactions, we get it. «I’m going to pay for this. I’m going to receive this.» I saw this on Facebook Marketplace. Now I want it. Transactions!

The cross-hear me-was the transaction where Jesus Christ, the high priest, with His own blood… Now we’re like, «Wait a minute!» The entire Old Testament system of high priests bringing bulls and goats — wow that was just a blueprint, wasn’t it? All architecture pointing forward to this moment when at the cross in the heavens, Jesus Christ symbolically was bringing His blood!

The precious gift of His life because the life is in the blood for our sins, because in the Garden of Eden, God said, «The soul that sins shall surely die.» So there had to be death for sin for God to be just. But because Jesus’s blood was spilled, it doesn’t have to be ours. Thus He can be the justifier of those who believe in Him.

«What? How could you come up with a situation where He could be both just and the justifier?» The cross! And at that moment, the transaction was made once for all-effective to the uttermost, uttermost, uttermost lengths and limits of depravity! There is not a sin that has ever been committed that has exceeded the payment that was made on your behalf as Jesus Christ hung on that cross. There is no pit so deep we are not finding in Jesus the fact that He is deeper still.

So a transaction was made; trauma was experienced; but then let’s come back to our list here: there’s a triumph in it. Remember that movie with Madonna in it? «Don’t cry for me, Argentina.» That’s sort of what Jesus said. «Don’t cry for me. I know how this story ends!» Come on! On the third day, He rose from the grave! He destroyed the power of death; He destroyed the one who held the power of death!

What a triumph! I feel awful, but then I’m like, «This was what He wanted!» I feel terrible, but He says it’s to be celebrated! It’s the most despicable death anyone’s ever died, and yet we’re in a series called «The Wonderful Cross.» You see the tension there? Why? At the cross, the devil and man did his worst, but God was doing His best, and He triumphed over the devil through the cross!

The very thing that the devil thought was his victory celebration occasion became the occasion that God triumphed over the devil and crushed his head. Is anybody with me on celebrating the death of death? That’s the cross! So it’s traumatic-a transaction-but then there’s triumph!

And because we come to it for healing and to it for forgiveness, there is treatment in it.

Like it’s spa treatment! Girls are like, «What? What does that mean?» I know what that means-treatment! Right? You go to a medical provider or a health practitioner; you go to an esthetician for a treatment. We can too! We have a need. I’m grieving? Wonderful! Come to the cross! Jesus! Jesus said, «And be treated!»

«I’m sad? Jesus, I don’t even know what I’m dealing with!» «Jesus, I’m actually guilty!» «Great! He’s got your iniquities covered too!» You see what I’m saying?

We have a place in the broken heart of Jesus for everything on this planet that breaks ours. We come to Him for treatment! We come to Him when we’re tired! We come to Him when we’re thirsty! We come to Him when we need power! We come to Him when we’ve strayed! We come to Him!

You see, this is the wonderful, wonderful cross-treatment for what? For our traumas! Treatment for what? For what wakes us up at 2 a.m. locking us up in a pattern of nightmares. Abuse, neglect, having been molested, having been forgotten-being disappointed with our own selves.

When our hearts hurt, what should we hear? We should hear Him saying, «Reach your hand! Reach your hand for mine! I bring you peace for your bad feelings!»

Now, what’s crazy is that Thomas doesn’t-Thomas never puts his hand in the side of Jesus. He never puts his finger in the holes. Jesus specifically invited him to. He said, «You said you wanted evidence- put your hand in.» Thomas doesn’t need to!

What he thought he would need to believe turned out it wasn’t what he actually needed. It wasn’t the thing; it was the thing under the thing. And so he instead then responded by saying, «My Lord! My God!»

You see, Thomas had something else in Jesus’s place in his life-he clearly worshiped at the altar called control. He saw now what he thought he needed — some evidence, like if God will open up the whatever and show me the whatever, then I will believe. He realized he needed to pull himself off that throne and put Jesus on it-that was the actual thing under his thing.

He had the chance to put his finger in the hole in Jesus’s side, but he didn’t need to because he had already put in something else-his bad feelings. And what came out? Well, out of all the Star Wars movies, there’s only one where the line «I have a bad feeling about this» isn’t used. It’s the movie «Solo: A Star Wars Story.» It’s the prequel to Han Solo. It’s how we find out how he became Harrison Ford as an older man. And in the movie, Han Solo at one point ironically looks to the situation and says, «I have a good feeling about this.»

And that’s what Thomas found when his bad feelings went in: good came out! You hear me? His bad feelings went in; good came out! Now, I’m not being glib. I’m not trying to be trite; I’m talking about some of the worst things you’ll face in this world. But I’m telling you, when we put them into the hole in Jesus’s side, now we don’t need to put our hands in there; we just bring them to Him because He’s got a broken heart for us. He’s near to our brokenheartedness.

Good comes out! Well, I’m talking about the Romans 8:28 variety of God working all things for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

It doesn’t mean that the bad becomes good. The bad stays bad. But God uses it for good, and once He uses it for good, it changes how we think about the bad. And so then, to come back to our little list-which you’ve never seen before-my big ending is that all of this here, the trauma, the transaction, the triumph, and the treatment, then becomes, for us, a-say it with me- template for how we process our own traumas.

What am I saying? I’m saying that we have, in the wounds of Jesus, a paradigm that we can use, sort of as a mental model, for what to do with our wounds. Because hear me: John 20 is post-resurrection! That means Jesus is both risen and wounded at the same time!

Translation: He kept the wounds in His glorified body! Why? I think He kind of likes them! Why? Man did his worst-the spear, the nails, the whip. I don’t know! He looks at them and thinks about you, Carl. He looks at them and thinks about you, Sophia. He looks at them and thinks about you, Bruce. He looks at them and thinks about you, Patrick.

He says, «If it weren’t for these, they wouldn’t be here! So how could I hate them? How could I hate them? I know! They were actually in indirectly caused by the devil and Pilate’s spinelessness and the Sanhedrin’s envy and Adam and Eve’s transgression! Oh, I know! I know all that! I’m sovereign; I’m God! But guess what? I wrote your name on the palms of my hands!»

I don’t know what to tell you! This hole in my heart? It’s your ticket to ride! You wouldn’t be in heaven without it; you wouldn’t be whole without it; you wouldn’t be here without it. So I decided to keep them on my new body because every time I see them, I’m just going to be reminded of how much I love these people.

These wounds were used to heal! Hear me: the wounds of Jesus were used to do great things for others, and yours can too! So we’re going to change how we think about our wounds. Instead of shifting into victim mode, we’re going to stand tall as the victors, and we’re going to ask the question, «How can my wounds get healed by Him so they can be used to help someone else?»

What I’m really trying to say maybe I should have called this sermon this all along was: «Devil, you can’t have my pain! You can’t have it! You can’t have it, devil! Because when Jesus bought me, He bought all of me.»

Every single one of the Apostles of Jesus, except for John the Beloved, went on to die martyr’s deaths. Of particular interest to me is the fact that Thomas-the one who we like to pick on and call the doubter, because we like to take his greatest failure and write it over him, because that’s what we do as people-we do it to ourselves, don’t we? We write our biggest failure. We put it over our lives.

We forget the fact that Thomas went on to die a martyr’s death after planting churches in India where he was killed by some jealous priests, but he boldly and fearlessly stood there as they plunged a spear through his heart. How did he do that? I wondered that when I went to India, and I was taken to a church where they have honored and recognized his death.

I just thought, because he took all of his bad feelings and put them into Jesus’s broken heart. God gave him the courage! He caught courage! You think about contagious diseases: Jesus has contagious healing, contagious courage, contagious love, contagious peace. He’ll never be afraid of you as you come into Him in your dirty condition that you’ll defile Him, but He knows full well if you reach out to touch Him, you’re going to catch something from Him, and it’s going to be peace!

It’s going to be wholeness! It’s going to be salvation! It’s going to be righteousness! It’s going to be mercy! So Thomas had no fear as he went on to die a martyr’s death with his fear in his heart, and I’m sure he smiled to the last as he left this world standing before his Savior whom he loved.

Theologians describe his profession of faith, by the way, as the greatest that exists in scripture: «My Lord and my God!» There is not a more succinct declaration of faith! I guess he ain’t Thomas the doubter; I guess he’s Thomas the believer!

Anybody with me? And so what does that mean for us? That means that any one of us could go from doubting to believing, from fear to faith, from death to life, from lost to saved, from hell to heaven, and Jesus will do it right now!

So, Father, we pray it would be so, that You would draw people to Yourself. We can’t save ourselves, but we can, as You work in our hearts, lead us to salvation, accept that gift. I pray for my friends that are here today who need to trust You as Savior. They can belong without believing, but in believing, they receive life in the name of Jesus.

So I pray it would be so. If that’s you I’m describing, and you would say, «I need to trust Christ. I need to surrender my life to Him. I need to be saved. I don’t know exactly what to do with Leviticus and all the things.» Hey, there’s time to work all that out! Jesus cleans His fish after He catches them!

But don’t make the mistake of thinking you come to Him like a salad buffet, coming to get this but not that, this but not that. You come to Him as the Lord, and you don’t come at all. But if you come to Him like Thomas did, saying, «My God, my Lord! I take what I’ve put on the throne of my life, and I put Jesus instead as King,» He will work all these other things out in your life as you walk with Him.

If that’s who I’m describing, pray this prayer with me. Church, pray it with us. Dear God, not just locations, Church online, God sees you as well. «Today, I give you my heart! Come into my life! Touch the broken places! I need You! I give my life to You! Be my Lord and my God!» In Jesus' name!