Joyce Meyer - The Mouth
Ephesians 4:29. Lord, help us this afternoon in Jesus' name. "Let no foul or polluting language. Nor evil word nor unwholesome or worthless talk [ever] come out of your mouth, but only such [speech] as is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting to the need and the occasion, that it might be a blessing and give grace to all those who hear it. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God".
Now, I believe that the things that we say can bless God and put a smile on his face, or I do believe that when we say things that are harmful and hurtful to either other people or to ourselves that it does grieve the Holy Spirit. And because the Holy Spirit lives in us, please realize right now that there's not one of you, there's two of you. Jesus lives on the inside of you, and so you're never alone. And if he's grieved, since he lives in you, you're going to feel, and I'm going to feel that grief. Now, I don't know what you think, but I've kinda learned by experience that I can increase or decrease my own joy just by how I talk. Anybody agree with that? You can just talk yourself into being miserable or you can actually help yourself and make yourself better.
Now, we were talking at the break about how sad it is that so many people know so little about the power of words and how their words not only affect the people around them, but how they affect themselves, and also how our words affect our future. I believe that we can kill God's good plan for our life just by continual wrong talking. Now, we all say things that are wrong, and thank God for mercy, and he covers us in our mistakes and we can be forgiven, but to just be a negative person who always finds the fault and the flaw in everything and always finds what's wrong with people, I mean, it's gonna leave you very sour and unhappy, and it's gonna really hurt your future.
Now, I'm just gonna assume that nobody here is like that. But we're just gonna call this like an insurance policy today. I just wanna preach this message just in case you ever would be tempted to be like that, that maybe you'd remember this. And I was not kidding when I said I was gonna preach to myself. You know, I am a talker, and the more people talk, the more likely they are to get into trouble. God has to deal with me frequently about my words. And I've come a long way, but I'll tell you one thing that I never want to be is so satisfied to the point where I don't think that I need to change anymore.
Now, any time that God shows me a fault or a flaw in my life, it does not condemn me. And I wanna encourage you, when God shows you things that are wrong in your life, or your behavior, or when he chastises you for something, do not let it condemn you. Conviction from the Holy Spirit is a totally different thing than condemnation from Satan. And a lot of times what we do is when the Holy Spirit convicts us, which is a good and a positive thing, and the Bible says that God chastises those whom he loves. When God shows us that we should not do something or that something we're doing is wrong, it's actually an act of his love. Thank God he won't just leave you alone in your mess and let you stay the same.
The worst thing that God could ever do would be just never convict us again and just leave us alone and let us stay the way that we are. But it's a big mistake when the Holy Spirit convicts you to then get condemned, because the moment that you get condemned, you hinder yourself from any kind of change or spiritual growth. So, anything I say today is not unto condemnation. When God deals with me about things like this, I just take it like, "Well, I must need this". And there's some areas in our life that we will have to hear over, and over, and over, and over until Jesus comes back to get us. And one of those things is our mind, another one is the mouth, and another one is attitude.
Come on, you better get a little happier than that. There's nobody in this building today that doesn't need this, nobody. God's been dealing with me again about my words, and I'm glad that he does because no man can tame the tongue. We constantly need God's help. And I don't know about you, but I said this, this morning, but I think if I could ever just get through one whole entire day without complaining at all it would be a miracle equivalent to the parting of the Red Sea. It is amazing how blessed we are and how much we find to murmur about. And really, complaining is a sin. I mean, it's not just an, oops, I mean it's actually, the Bible says it's a sin.
And if you really study the Bible, and this actually put the fear of God in me, if you really study the Bible, you'll find out that one of the things that kept the Israelites out in the wilderness for 40 years trying to make an 11-day journey was they murmured, and grumbled, and complained about everything. And you know, the word "Complain" means to remain. So, the more we complain about something, the longer we're gonna stay in that situation. The more we praise God, the quicker we're gonna get raised out of that situation and be delivered. And I might add that the place to start praising God and being thankful is when you're still in the middle of your mess.
I've noticed that Jonah, if you read the book of Jonah in the Amplified Bible, it says that he started to praise God while he was still in the fish's belly, and I like that. So his bad attitude got him in that situation, but then the thing that got him out was he started praising God while he was still in the situation, and God caused the fish to vomit him out and he got free from the situation. So, whatever you're going through right now, ask God every day, "God, help me not to complain about my situation. Help me to find something to be thankful for. Help me find a reason to praise you".
And you know, when you're in relationship with people, it is so easy, I am so good at finding flaws. Oh, my gosh, if there's one there, I'll see it. Is anybody else like that? Or are you one of those sweet people that just like, "Oh, I didn't notice that". Well, honey, I notice everything. I mean, how many of you are like that? If it's there, you're gonna find it. You don't have to, you know... And you know, to be honest, I'm sure one of the reasons why the enemy does that to me is because of what I'm doing and how important it is that I walk in love and I have the right attitude toward people, because let me tell you something, we all need God's anointing, and that's his presence and power in our lives.
You don't just need an anointing to preach, you need an anointing to drive in traffic and get to work these days. You certainly need an anointing to raise kids. And I believe that God's anointing, his presence, and his power in our life is partially in part connected to the words of our mouth. And I just think it's a pitiful shame how little people know about this area. You can be in church 30 years and never hear a message like I'm gonna preach to you today. I was in church for years and I never heard anybody say anything to me about the words of my mouth. Nobody talked to me about stuff like that. And maybe there's even people here this afternoon that you're like, "This is a first for me". Well, maybe not, but maybe it is. And the thing is, words are containers for power. In the very beginning, God said and it happened.
Now, just like this glass has got some sparkling water in it, it's my glass and I can put anything in it that I wanted to. I can fill it full of mud if I wanted to. Well, our words are containers for power and they can carry positive power, they can add benefit to all the people around us and add benefit to our life, or they can carry negative power that harm us and hurt us. And so, I can't think of any message that's more important to hear every once in awhile than this one right here, because the mouth literally is like a wild animal. No man can tame the tongue. The Bible says it is just like a wicked evil. It starts all kinds of fires and I mean, you can ruin relationships with words. You can get yourself fired from a good job with words. You can depress yourself with words. You can make yourself happy with words.
The Israelites murmured, and grumbled, and complained, and the Bible says that eventually they led a plague into the camp and 23,000 of 'em fell dead in one day just because of complaining. Now, I'm not saying if you complain you're gonna fall over dead. That's not what I'm saying. Thank God for that. But I do believe as good as God is to us that one of the last things in the world that we should do is complain and murmur. Does anybody have a problem with complaining besides me? A handful of people. I don't know what's wrong with the rest of you, but. And if you're really serious in your relationship with God, then you really want to learn and grow, and you want to do everything that he wants you to do because the Lord never tells us to do anything if it's not gonna be something that's gonna make our lives better.
And so, in my very beginning of my serious walk with God, really, to be honest, before I ever even heard messages about the power of words preached, God started dealing with me as I studied the Bible about being negative. I had grown up in a very negative atmosphere. My father was abusive, he was alcoholic, he was violent, and he just was negative. He just didn't like anybody, he didn't trust anybody, and so just the whole atmosphere in our home was one of negativity. And when you grow up in that, listen, I'm still amazed at how our lives are affected by the first few years of our life. The way we're raised, and that's not saying that we can't overcome it, because in Christ we become new creatures, but sometimes you have to spend a lot of years unlearning what you learned in the first few years of your life.
So, we're very vulnerable at that time and it's like soft clay that's being molded. And so, many times parents do things to children out of their own weaknesses and faults that then takes those kids, as they become adults, many, many years to try to correct and get over, and I'm sure many of you have found that just like I have. Well, first of all, I didn't even know I was negative. I didn't even know that I was like that. You know, when you are a certain way and that's the way you've always been, you don't even know that you're that way. Well, Dave on the other hand is extremely positive, and so we were not married very long, just a few weeks, and he looked at me one day and he said, "What is wrong with you"?
Now, I tell all the time, and you've probably heard me say this, you know, Dave and I only had five dates and he asked me to marry him, which normally would not be wise, but in our case, I really feel like that if he wouldn't have done it quick, he wouldn't have done it at all, 'cause I was on my good behavior, but you know, that only lasts so long. And I'm sure before long I would've caved in and he would've thought, "Oh no, I ain't getting into this". And so, he just said to me, "What is wrong with you"? And I remember to this day what I said to him. I said, "If you don't expect anything good to happen, you won't be disappointed when it don't".
So, I had a bad case of negativity, and I wanna share that with you because if you're like that, please don't just say, "Well, that's just the way I am," because we are new creatures in Christ, and we do have a new nature, and we can become Christ-like, and God will help us do that. So, God really started dealing with me about not being so negative, and so I really was working with the Holy Spirit, and I felt like I was really doing good, and I felt like that I wasn't saying negative things like I once did, but I didn't feel like anything was changing in my life. And I'm a person who really likes results. I mean, I'll stick with anything if I see a little bit of results, but if I don't get any results, then sometimes I wanna throw it away pretty quick.
And so, I just said, "Now, Lord, I'm really not being negative. I'm not saying negative things, but I don't see anything changing and I don't understand why". And I did not know enough to know this, so I know God put this in my heart. He said, "Well, you've stopped saying negative things but you haven't started saying anything positive". So, I don't really wanna just stand here and talk to you all day today about what you shouldn't say. I wanna talk to you about what you should say and how you can help yourself and benefit yourself by saying positive things. So God taught me by the Holy Spirit how to start confessing the Word of God out loud and calling things that were not yet a reality in my life as if they already existed.
Now, just in case you're gonna say, "Oh, don't tell me this is a 'name it, claim it' message," the whole point is, is in Romans 4:17, the Bible says that we serve a God who calls things that do not exist as if they already existed and he speaks life to dead things and they come back to life. So, that's how powerful your words are. You can speak life into dead circumstances in your life and you can see the resurrection of power of God in your life. Now, you can't just say anything you wanna say and make it happen, but you can speak the Word of God out loud and those words have power.
You know, there's a scripture that says that angels harken to the voice of God's word. They don't listen to our complaining, but they have to listen to the Word of God. And we have angels that are assigned to us. Do you know you have guardian angels? We have angels assigned to us, and if you want them to work in your life, then you need to start agreeing with what God says and stop just saying any little thing that floats through your brain. I'm getting some funny looks.
Mike's wife, Pennie, we've known them for, I don't know, 35 years I guess, and she's been sitting under my teaching for, how long? Over 30 years. And probably more than anybody I know, whatever I said to do, Pennie went and did it. And we were talking about this message, and she said, "I still remember when you first started teaching about the mouth, and the power of words, and the power of confessing the Word of God out loud". And she said, "I remember you told us to write scriptures out on 3" by 5" cards and carry 'em with us, and any time we had an opportunity, just to confess those things out loud over our life".
Now, you know, she's working mentoring a couple of young girls and one of 'em said, "Well, I just feel silly doing that". Well, you know what? You don't have any trouble complaining out loud. You don't have any trouble gossiping out loud. So, why do we have such a hard time confessing the Word of God out loud? Well, because Satan doesn't want us to do it. You say, "Well, why do I have to confess it out loud"? Because words contain power. What kind of a message, what kind of a meeting would this be today if you all came and I said, "Well, I'm not gonna say anything".
You know, you came because you wanted to hear what I was gonna say. You wanted to hear what God was gonna speak to you through me. And it's the words that are bringing the power of God to you. And it renews your mind, and then it gets down into your life, and it begins to change things in your life. God's word contains power. There's power inherent in the Word of God. So, when you speak the Word of God over your life, or over your children's life, or over their futures, one of the things I started to say when my kids were all little was, "All of my children grow up and they marry born-again, spirit-filled men and women and they all serve God all their life".
And you know, every one of my children are married to somebody that loves God. They're all, in some way, shape, or form, serving God in ministry. That makes a lot more sense than saying, "Oh, I'm so afraid my kids are gonna fall away from God". "I'm so afraid they're gonna marry the wrong person". "I'm so afraid my kids are gonna get addicted to drugs".
Let me tell you something, when you're tempted to say stuff like that, just ask God to help you zip your lip, and instead of saying what you feel like saying, say what God's word says. So anyway, I made 65 confessions, and every one of them, every one of them, I found a scripture to back it up. I'm not advocating that you go around just saying, "Well, I'm gonna be a millionaire," or "I'm the president of the company". That's not the kind of stuff I'm talking about. I'm talking about do you want God's will in your life? Okay, listen, if you want God's will in your life then you've gotta get his will in your mouth.
Matthew 12:34 says, "You offspring of vipers! How can you speak good things when you are evil (wicked)? For out of the fullness (the overflow, the abundance) of the heart the mouth speaks". In other words, for it to come out of us, it's gotta be in us, floating around in there somewhere. So, nothing reveals more about the real us than our words. You can learn so much about yourself by listening to yourself. Ooh, I learn things about myself I would just assume that I wouldn't have known. "The good man from his inner good treasure flings forth good things, and the evil man out of his inner evil storehouse flings forth evil things".
James 3:2, "If anyone does not offend in speech, if he [never says the wrong things], he is a fully developed character and a perfect man, able to control his whole body and to curb his entire nature". My goodness, he's saying if we can control our mouth, we can control everything else in our life. Some of you are trying real hard to control what you put in your mouth, and you might be better off to start first trying to control what comes out of it. Uh-oh, well, I'll just go on. You're not liking that one. Maybe I'm talk to these people over here.
See, I can show you a scripture that says, "It's not what goes into the mouth that defiles the man, but what comes out of his mouth that defiles [him]". So, I'll just give an example. Let's just say that, how many of you have a problem with sugar, you just eat way too much sugar? Okay, well, let me give ya a hint. Don't say 50 times a week, "I crave sugar. I just have to have sugar. I'm addicted to sugar. If I eat one cookie, I've gotta eat the whole bag. If I eat one bite of ice cream, I've gotta eat the whole quart". Don't say that kind of stuff 'cause every time you do, you're just assuring yourself that you're gonna keep the problem. What you should say, and I don't care if you have to start with the spoon on your way to your mouth. You start by saying, "I'm not addicted to sugar. I don't crave sweets. I have self-control. I have a disciplined appetite".
Now see, if you didn't come for anything other than that, it's gonna help you. You say, "Well, I'm just telling the truth". Yes, that may be a fact in your life, but the truth is greater than facts, and the truth is God's word, and God's word says that, "He whom the son has set free is free indeed". So, don't say, "I'm addicted to this. I'm addicted to that. I can't help this. I can't help that". And for goodness sakes, don't ever say, "I just don't have any discipline or self-control". I don't care if you're the laziest person on the planet, I want you to start saying, "I am a man or a woman of discipline and self-control. I can control myself".
I started smoking cigarettes when I was 9 years old and, yeah, 9 years old. And I hung around with kids in the neighborhood that were older than me and they all smoked so I smoked. And so, I smoked up until I was about 35, something around there. And I always said, "Oh, I know I could never quit smoking. It would be so hard for me if I ever tried to quit smoking". Well, sure enough then when I wanted to quit, it was hard for me, very hard for me. And one of the things that God led me to do, and here again, this may sound like I'm a lunatic, but I don't care. I'm trying to help you so I don't care what you think. I remember driving home from work at night with a cigarette between my fingers saying, "I don't smoke. I can't stand to smoke. Cigarettes stink. I don't spend my money on cigarettes". And I'm telling you the honest truth, it was not very many weeks after that and I quit.
Now, I'm not telling you that this is just like a little magic charm and you can just say anything you want and get anything you want, but I am telling you that if you want to stop doing something, then you have to stop talking like you can never stop doing it, amen? Are you sure you're getting this? You're just like... Okay? How many of you say bad things about yourself? Ooh, I would like to come out there and shake you. Oh, my gosh, one of the worst things that we can do is say negative downgrading things about ourselves. Let me tell ya something, the devil's already against you and you don't need to agree with him. What you need do is get into agreement with God.
Amos 3:3 says, "How can two walk together unless they be agreed"? What I'm trying to say to you today is bring your conversation into agreement with God's word instead of just talking out of how you feel and what you think all the time, and I can guarantee you that you will begin to see changes in your life. Now, it may not be overnight, but what happens what you say runs right along here, gets in ears, and drops right down into your spirit. And I'm gonna show you a scripture in a minute that says we eat our words. You've said to people, "You are gonna eat those words". Well, the truth is, is you actually do eat your words. Your words affect you more than anybody else's words affect you.
So, let's just say that you're living with somebody that's really negative, and downgrading, and they're constantly putting you down and sometimes people say even, "Well, how in the world can I keep a good attitude? How can I not get depressed if I'm living with somebody that puts me down all the time"? Well, you know what? It is hard, and it's challenging, but you can do two things, you can make sure that you have enough friends that build you up that it helps to override those negative things. And as soon as somebody says something negative to you, if you can't get them not to say it, you go in another room by yourself and you say what God says about you out loud.
I mean, I don't know, let's just say you're a woman, you're married to a man and he tells you five times a week, "You're stupid". Well, you need to go tell yourself 25 times a week that you have the mind of Christ. I like this, this is good, today. 'cause what you say is gonna mean more to you than what somebody else says. The thing we do is we just stand around and let everybody else determine our worth and value and we don't have to do that. Get into agreement with God and you will see amazing things happen in your life. I do not have one day of my life that goes by that I don't confess the Word of God out loud.
Every day of my life, I mean, every day, I still say, "I am the righteousness of God through Christ. I am a new creature in Christ. Old things have passed away and all things become brand new". You know why I say that? Because I had such a hard time with guilt and condemnation, and I felt so bad about myself for so many years because of the abuse that my father had perpetrated on me. And I just felt no good and I tell ya what, it was a battle for me to fight my way through to ever believing that I had right standing with God through Christ. And once I got it, I was determined I was never gonna lose it and I continually renew my mind by saying, "There is no condemnation for those in Christ. God loves me. I'm his child. I'm accepted. He's pleased with me".
Yes, I said God is pleased with you and there's nothing wrong with you saying that. He may not be pleased with everything you do, but he is pleased with you. Well, we need more time than I've got, don't we? You know, two times the Bible records that a voice came out from heaven regarding Jesus and said, "This is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased". Well, Jesus didn't say, "Oh no, no, no". You say, "Well, wouldn't it be like a wrong kind of pride for me to stand in a room and say", and I'm not suggesting you go say this to somebody else. "But wouldn't it be wrong for me just to say God is pleased with me"? Nope, I don't think so. You know why? Because that's what his word says.
Don't say things like, "I'm stupid, I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm dumb. I can't do anything right". Don't do that kind of stuff. Don't say negative things about yourself out of your own mouth. Say about you what God says about you and it won't be long and you'll see those things. It'll renew your mind. It changes your whole attitude toward yourself and you'll be amazed if you just start saying, "I'm a person of discipline and self-control," you'll be amazed at how just little by little things will begin to change because really, once your mind is renewed, honey, it's all over but the shouting because once you believe you can do what God says you can do, then you will start doing it.
Proverbs 18:20, "A man's [moral] self shall be filled with the fruit of his mouth: and with the consequences of his words he must be satisfied [whether good or evil]. Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it". Come on, everybody say, "I eat my words".
Here's another one, Proverbs 18:8, "The words of a whisperer or talebearer," that's like a gossiper, "Are as dainty morsels: they go down into the innermost parts of the body". Now, you know what's interesting that I've found? If somebody comes to me, and I don't know why it is that we love gossip. But I mean the minute somebody says, "Have you heard"? I mean it's like, everything just comes alive. Ooh, I'm about to find something out. And you can already kind of tell it's not gonna be something nice, and there's a part of you that thinks, "I should just say no and I don't want to hear". But oh no, it's like, "No, what, what, what, what"?
You know what I've discovered? Somebody can tell me something unkind about somebody that I love and admire and even if I don't want to believe it, once it gets down in me, it can cause me to be suspicious or look at that person in a different light from that time on. Words go down, we need to be very carefully about the things we say to people about other people because we are poisoning their spirit when we do that. "Have you heard"? "No, and I don't want to".
Joyce: Well, our words are very powerful and they affect us more than we realize. So, what we need to do is bring our conversation into agreement with God's word, and then, we'll experience amazing changes in our life. Ginger joins me now, with some of your questions on this topic. Ginger?
Ginger: Really good questions today, and I'm glad because I always love to study the word, and hear you teaching on our words, because it's so important.
Joyce: I'm glad we're doing this today, 'cause I'm sure I could use it. Well, here's a question that says, I like this question. "How long should we confess and declare the Word of God before it yields visible results"?
Joyce: Well, I mean, anything that God tells you to do, you can never really go at it with the idea in mind that I'm gonna do this for so long, and if I don't have a result then I'm gonna stop. I mean, we do what we do in obedience to God because that's what he tells us to do. So, the answer to her question is forever. You know, we don't...
Ginger: "Come on, I've said this five times".
Joyce: Right, some people, I've told this story before, but I remember a woman who came to me, one time, and she was very indignant, and had her hands on her hips, and she said, "I want my money back". And I thought, "What are you talkin' about"? She said, "I've been doing what you've said to do for two weeks and nothing's changed". And it was hard for me not to just laugh at her. And I knew she just didn't know enough to understand that...
Ginger: It takes some patience.
Joyce: Well, it takes patience. It takes a while. And you know, there could even be other things in our life that maybe need to be dealt with that are preventing our answer from coming forth. But the bottom line is, is words are powerful and if we don't ever see results, we need to be committed to doing what's right in every situation.
Ginger: Even if you don't see what you want to happen, you will never see anything negative from speaking God's word. I mean, it will always be in line with God's plan. So, here's another question, from Rose, from North Carolina, "Can we renounce words that we've spoken in the past, out of ignorance, and change the direction and those consequences in our life"? So, if I've been doing it wrong all along...
Joyce: I certainly, have repented for things that I've said. And I've learned now, that you know, I can almost hear myself doing it, and I'll repent, right away. But I do think that if you get that understanding, "Oh, my gosh, I've been really putting out some junk out into the atmosphere for most of my life," I think it's good to pray a prayer of repentance, asking God to forgive you, whether or not you can undo, all the circumstances created by what you've done. I don't really know the answer to that. But God is a merciful God, and when we repent, things begin to change.
Ginger: Yeah, alright, this is from Marna, from Spokane Washington, "With our words being so powerful, what happens when we want to vent with a friend? Does the enemy build on that? Sometimes, I work through things by talking with my friends, so that I don't keep them bottled up inside"? So, what's the answer to that?
Joyce: Well, I have found out that if you really want to, you can talk about your problems, but still talk about them in a positive way. Like, I might say to you, "You know, Ginger, I'm going through something that's really hard for me, and I do believe that God is gonna take care of it. My trust is in him, but right now, I'm really hurting, and I just need to talk to somebody". You can talk about, you know, "I've been trusting God for my son to get off drugs, and he seems to be doing worse than better, but I still believe that God is working, and I'm gonna see good results". So, I think the answer to that is, you know, yes, sometimes we do need to talk to somebody. Sometimes, I get answers to my problems by talking them out with somebody. But you can talk about a problem and still talk about it full of faith.
Ginger: So, in that example, that you gave, you're not saying something like, "My son will never change".
Ginger: You're saying, "It's really hard right now, with God all things are possible, kind of giving that opportunity for God to work, without being so negative in your words".
Joyce: Well, and there's a scripture that says, "As long as we're believing God keeps working". I lean on that a lot. And just, you know, many times when you feel like, "Well, nothing's happening," I just say, "I don't see anything yet, but I believe God's working".
Joyce: And so, what Satan wants us to do, is he wants us to give up on our faith. He wants us to throw the towel in, so to speak, and say, "Well, this is not doing any good, so I'm just gonna give up and quit". And that's really when we need to press in even harder, and say, "I believe that God's word is true, and I am going to see results. But I'm not doing it just to get results, I'm doing it because I love God, and I'm doing it in obedience to him".
Ginger: And that just answered this question: "Should I always give a positive response to people when they ask me about my challenges, even when I know the opposite is happening"? So...
Joyce: No, I think you can tell the truth. You can say, you know, "To be honest, the circumstance hasn't changed yet, but that doesn't mean God's not working. I believe he's working".
Ginger: And we can be real.
Joyce: Yeah, sure. I mean, well, the Bible tells us that there's gonna be time between when we pray and when we see results. It's in Mark 11, and it says, "When you pray, believe that you receive and you will get it," but it doesn't say when you'll get it, you know? And that's really the testing time in our life. I always talk about how there's a beginning and an end, but it's making it through the middle that's tough for people. Because it does get challenging when you feel like that, you're doing what God has asked you to do or what the Word of God tells you to do, but you're not seeing any results. However, we trust that God's timing is perfect. And there's just so many things in life we don't understand and the only thing that really makes those things bearable is trusting God.
Ginger: Yeah, this question comes from Gina. She asks, "How can I speak kindly about someone even when they've hurt my feelings? I've forgiven them but there are still scars, and it's hard to talk positively".
Joyce: Well, maybe, the first answer is to talk about them as little as you can, you know?
Ginger: Which is a good answer.
Joyce: Yeah, I mean, sometimes, it's just like don't bring that person up and talk about 'em at all. But if somebody brings them up, or you need to talk about them, then, I don't care how many faults somebody has, they always have something about them that's good. There's always something that you can say, even if you say, you know, "They hurt my feelings, but I don't believe they meant to do it. I think they just were having an off-day," or you know, who knows? Maybe, you know, sometimes, somebody can say something to us and we won't get our feelings hurt at all. And then, another time, they might say the same thing and we'll get hurt.
Ginger: Oh, that's true.
Joyce: And so, some days it's just us. You know, we just woke up with a wrong hormone going the wrong direction or something. And there's always a way to be positive even about problems, if you don't just blurt out everything that comes to your mind.
Ginger: Right. Well, Jenny asked this question: "When I'm talking with my husband about a difficult topic, I pray, at the time, that God will give me his godly words to respond. However, I don't feel this ever happens. I just talk as me, which is far too fleshly, and then, we end up in an argument. So, how do I do better with my words and anger"?
Joyce: Well, she's probably, gonna have to slow down some. And you know, picking your time is very important. I don't think you only pray about what to say, but I think it's equally important to pray about when to say it. I think you can talk to somebody about a difficult subject at the wrong time, and no matter what you say, they're not gonna receive it. But if you pick a right time, they will. And you know, she can learn to be more sensitive to when she starting to get emotional. I mean, I used to say, "I could feel it coming," you know, and I just needed to do something about it before it got to my mouth. And so...
Ginger: That is good, though. She might need to take a break.
Joyce: Yeah, take a break, or you know, she feels like things are getting out of hand, go to the restroom, or you know, sometimes, just slowing down a little bit. You know, when we pray, and we ask God to do things, I think people have the misguided idea that God's just gonna do everything for them. And I think, what he does is he shows us what to do, and he gives us the ability to do it because we're partners with God, we're not just puppets. He doesn't just pull strings and make us do things a certain way. And I understand what she saying, because you know, it took me a long time to get this, too. But I do remember actually, I could tell when the conversation was getting volatile because the voice levels start to rise and so, I've actually said, "Excuse me. I'll be right back. I have to go to the restroom". And I've gone to the restroom, locked the door, and stuck my face in a towel, and just went, "Ahh"! Get it out that way, and then, go back and talk some more. Because once the arguing starts, you've lost the conversation. It's not gonna go anywhere after that.
Ginger: That's good. All right, Dina says, "My question is about our negative self-talk. I have the same unworthy soundtrack that seems to be on auto-rewind. I say stuff like, 'I'm such an idiot.' can you give practical advice on how to overcome this, and use God's word to change the pattern," I guess, that she's in.
Joyce: Well, obviously, she needs to really learn who she is in Christ. And that's, you know, we don't do everything right, but we still are God's children, and he loves us, and through the blood of Christ, we've been justified and made right with him. And continuing to study the Word of God in these areas, it's like, you hear teaching and so you're getting information, information, information. But finally, you'll get enough information that suddenly it'll become revelation. And once it does, then, it's like, you're like, "Why didn't I see this before"? And I'll just add that there's probably, no area that causes any more problems in your life than the negative words you speak about yourself. It's very, very important to speak what God says about you. And not say things like, you know, "I'm ugly. I'm dumb. I can't ever do anything right, you know, everything's my fault all the time". And I used to do that. I'd do the same thing, especially, when I was feeling sorry for myself. You know, if Dave had tried to correct me about something and I wasn't at the spiritual level yet, where I was loving correction, and I'm still working on that one. I can endure it now, but I'm still not loving it.
Ginger: No one loves it. And what you're saying, it is a two-step process, because it's not only to replace that negative talk, but it doesn't really do any good even to replace it with, "I'm fabulous. I'm beautiful". You need to replace it with who God says you are instead.
Ginger: Replace it with the right things.
Joyce: Yeah, you don't wanna get into pride like, "Oh, I'm great. I'm marvelous". But you know, God says that I'm right with him through Christ, and that, you know, he's changing me and working in me everyday. And yes, I do things wrong, but he sees me as right with him. So, it's all about the word. It's not about just, you know, confessing a bunch of stuff that you've made up. It has to be the Word of God for it to work.
Ginger: Yeah, this is really helpful. Thank you.
Well, today, we're offering you a book that I've written called, "Change Your Words, Change Your Life", and the title of that book really is exactly what will happen. It's amazing how powerful our words are. And then, we're also, gonna send you, as a special bonus gift, a leather keychain that just simply, has engraved on it, "Live Amazed". And I just wanna remind you that you should live amazed everyday at what God has done in your life, and how much he loves you.
So, take advantage of this offer. Good reading. If you wanna really change your words, you're gonna have to study it, and keep material around you that's gonna help you. You can read the book, and underline special things that mean a lot to you. And sometimes, I open a book that I've got and just go through and read the stuff I underlined, and I get a refresher lesson in something that's important to me. So, thank you for being with us today. We love you, and hope you enjoyed the program. God bless you.