Joyce Meyer - Stop Being Mad at Yourself - Part 1

I wanna talk to you this afternoon about self-acceptance. How do you feel about the person you spend the most time with? Some of you might be thinking, «My husband, my kids». No, you spend more time with you, than you do with anybody. As a matter of fact, you never get away from you. Just think about that. For one second, in your life, you never get away from you. You go to the bathroom with you. You sleep with you. You eat with you. And, you know, I think some people don’t like themselves, and they don’t even know that, that’s what the problem is in their life. I was like that.

When I first started hearing messages about loving other people, because of the abuse in my childhood, I didn’t even really know what love was. When Dave asked me to marry him, and he told me he loved me, I couldn’t even say it back, because I really didn’t, anybody that had ever said they loved me had mistreated me. And so I didn’t know what it was. Not really. And when I first started hearing messages and sermons about loving people, I so wanted to, but it just seemed like I just couldn’t get it. And I was hard on people, didn’t have a lot of mercy, didn’t wanna be like that. Anybody ever behave in a way you don’t want to behave, but you can’t seem to do much about it? And it took a while, but I was learning how to hear from God, and he finally shared with me, «You can’t love other people because you don’t love yourself».

Now, I’mma say something really simple, but don’t ever forget it. You cannot give away what you don’t have. You cannot give to somebody else what you don’t have in you to give. But actually, when we’re born again, the Bible says over in 1 John, I think it’s chapter 3, that you cannot keep on habitually, purposely sinning. It doesn’t say you never sin, but it says you cannot habitually, purposely keep on sinning because, the Amplified Bible says, «God’s divine sperm» lives within you. Which means Christ, of course, when he comes into us, according to the Amplified Bible, is the divine sperm of God. So, I like to say this, and I don’t think it’s a wrong way to say it, when we’re born again, we literally become pregnant with all that God is. But being pregnant and giving birth is two different things.

See, so we have everything that we need in our spirit to be just like Jesus. But we have to learn how to be led by the Holy Spirit. And to put it plainly, need to become a lot more obedient. I wish that I could write books that I would love to write and people would buy them. Like I would love to write a good book on obedience. You think that would sell? Faithfulness. Oh, there’d be a few of you. And actually this is, I don’t even like to tell this, but it’s true. Publishers today, including Christian publishers, they don’t even want you to write a book if it doesn’t contain a promise, if the title doesn’t contain a promise for the reader. Every title has to have a promise in it for the reader, because people won’t buy the books if they don’t think they’re gonna get something. That’s a shame.

See, I read almost every book that Andrew Murray wrote. He wrote these little 31-day devotionals, but they’re on subjects like consecration, and prayer, and obedience, and faithfulness, and we’re just not interested in the things that we should be interested in. And I came into a full walk with God during what was called «The word and faith movement,» which a lot of the prosperity gospel was taught then. And I’m not sorry at all that I heard it, because it taught me things that I needed to hear. But if you take it too far, then it gets into total selfish and self-centeredness, and everything becomes about, «I’m going to do this to get this». And that’s not the attitude God wants us to have. We’re supposed to live sacrificially. You’re not smiling.

Sure, you know, what would happen if I wrote a book on sacrifice? Who do you think would buy that? Yeah, well sure, you’re here on a Saturday afternoon, you know. And so, you know, you probably would buy 'em. But it’s hard. The hardest thing is to write a book and put a title on it that people will buy. So, I hide my stuff. Yeah, I hide my… Now you know like, boy, I’d like to write a good book on pride. I don’t know what I’d call that: I’ll have to work on it. You see, let me just tell you something, you’re not gonna grow into a fully mature man or woman of God, if all you ever eat is baby food. Amen? God told me I couldn’t love other people, I couldn’t be merciful to other people, because I wasn’t receiving his mercy.

So, you see, the way this goes is, God loves you unconditionally, you have to receive that. And that’s what it really means to love yourself. It’s just receiving the love of God, and saying, «I can love me because God loves me». Then it’s able to go through me, to other people. And actually, the Amplified Bible says so many things that I like. It says, «Love is brought to full completion when we love other people».

So, God loves me. I love God. I accept his love. I love myself, not in a selfish, self-centered way, but I just love the me that God made me to be. And we spend a lot of time becoming that person. And then and only then, can I love other people. Now, love to me, is the most important subject that we should be studying. And the worst selling book I ever wrote was on love. It was terrible. We sold so few of those books it was embarrassing. And it just made me mad, I felt like just giving 'em away. Let’s get back to being interested in what God’s interested in. Amen?

And guess what? God wants you to be happy, but his main interest is not in making you happy. His main interest is in getting you to be fully his, so he can work through you to save this miserable world that we’re in, before Jesus comes back and it’s too late for them. You have a job to do. You’re all called into ministry, not just me, because I’ve got a pulpit ministry. Actually, the fourfold ministry is called to train up the body of Christ, that they might go out and do the work. It’s not look to the person on the platform to do all the work. My job is to train you to go out and work, because you run into people day in and day out that wouldn’t step foot inside of a church, wouldn’t turn on a Christian TV program, but you work with 'em. They’re your next-door neighbor. They’re your family members.

You say, «Well, I’ve tried to talk to 'em, they won’t listen». I don’t think you’ve gotta try to talk to 'em. I think what you really have to do is just really live the life, love them! Just love 'em. Love 'em when they’re ornery. Love 'em when they’ve mistreated you. Just love 'em. 1 Corinthians 13 tells us what that is, «Love is patient, love is kind, love is humble, it’s not haughty, not inflated with pride, love is not jealous, love always believes the best of every person». I’m really been working on that one for a while. You know what? It has really helped me. I mean, your life improves so much, when you believe the best of people rather than the worst of people. And even if they had some ill intent in mind, if you believe the best you’re happy. Then what they did is between them and God.

So, when you find that you’re having a hard time giving somebody else what the Bible says you should give them, ask yourself if you’re receiving it. Don’t dislike yourself or any part of yourself. If there’s something about you, you don’t like and you can do something about it, then do it. But if you can’t, accept it. One woman wrote a book called, «It’s time to make peace with your thighs». I mean, honestly, you know, some people just, they’re like, they have big feet, and they just can’t get peaceful with themselves, because they got big feet, or whatever the case might be. And I didn’t like my personality. I wanted to have a sweet…You are laughing at me. I wanted to have a sweet, gentle, soft-spoken. And I tried. And then people would say, «What is wrong with you»? And then I’d get mad, «Well, you don’t like it if I act like myself. You don’t act like it…»

And my pastor’s wife was so sweet and so submissive, little, tiny blonde. «Yes, honey. Yes, honey». And I’m like… «Tell him to shut up». And her and I didn’t, we couldn’t seem to get along. And it was very interesting, because when it all came down to what’s the deal here, found out she was trying to be like me, and I was trying to be like her. She wanted to be bolder, and more aggressive, and more outspoken like I was. And I wanted to be soft, and sweet like she was. I tried to be like Dave. I tried to be like my neighbor. I tried to be so many people that I actually didn’t even know who I was, or what I was supposed to act like. Maybe some of you have done that. Maybe you’ve tried to act like so many people because you think they’re the standard, and they’re not. Jesus is the standard.

I want with all of my heart for you to leave here today, having made a decision that you are no longer gonna be at war with yourself. And like I said, I didn’t even know that I didn’t like myself. I didn’t even really know that was the problem. And maybe some of you don’t know that that’s your problem. What is it about you that you don’t like? I mean, there’s all things that we wish we did different. But, you know, your temperament is what it is. And I think I will always be just a little bit feisty. I mean, I just will, you know. I’ll always be a talker, more than a listener. I finally just told God: I fought with myself, and fought with myself, and tried to change and tried to change, I finally said, «This is it». Well, he already knew that.

You know, you’re no surprise to God. He knows what he’s getting, when he calls you into relationship with himself. He knows every word you’re gonna speak before you speak it, every thought you’re gonna think before you think it, everything you’re gonna do before you do it. When God says he knows you, he knows you! And he loves you. And he accepts you. And if God can accept you, then you can accept you. And that doesn’t mean that you accept your sins and say, «Well that’s just the way I am». No, the things that you know need to change, you need to work with God to change them, but you cannot change yourself, only God can change you. I mean, I wore myself out trying to change myself. And finally I realized that only grace could change me. The quality of the life that you have, partially depends on the type of relationship you have with yourself.

How could you possibly be happy, if you don’t even like yourself? You know how hard it is to spend one afternoon, at a family gathering with a bunch of people you don’t like? Yeah, how many know how hard that is? Well, then imagine spending your whole life with somebody you don’t like. How many of you think you should feel a little better about yourself than what you do? Be at peace with yourself. You say, «Well, what about all the things I do wrong»? Well, ask for forgiveness, and then go on. «Well, what if I do it again»? Ask for forgiveness, and go on. I stopped telling God, «If you’ll just forgive me this one time, I promise I’ll never do it again». That is the silliest thing to say. I just tell God, «Please forgive me, and I will do it again, if you don’t stop me». Well, you will! Why make promises you know you can’t keep? «I’ll surely do it again, because it’s a weakness, but you can strengthen me and make it better. I can’t, but you can».

1 Peter 3:11 says, «Let him turn away from wickedness and shun it, and let him do right. Let him search», everybody say, «Search… For peace (harmony: undisturbedness from fears, agitating passions, and moral conflicts) and seek.». Say, «Seek… It eagerly». So, it’s not just gonna fall on us like ripe fruit falling off a tree on our heads. If we want peace, we have to search for it, and we have to seek it eagerly. So, «[do not merely desire peaceful relations with God, with your fellow men, and with yourself, but pursue, and go after them]»! Why don’t you make a decision today? «I don’t care how long it takes. I’m gonna be at peace with God, at peace with people, and at peace with myself».

Aren’t you tired of being upset all the time about something? First this, then that, then something else. God hates strife. He hates discord. Where there’s unity, there’s blessing and anointing. And we have got so much disunity in our world today. I mean, the government can’t get along. People can’t get along. And churches can’t get along. It’s like, «Pursue, and go after them»! What I did, was I started paying attention to what my peace stealers were. See, the devil knows us so well, and he knows exactly what to do at what time, that will throw you into a tantrum. He knows the type of people that aggravate you, and he’ll make sure you’ve always got three or four of 'em in your life. Amen? I heard something recently, and it’s really stuck with me, that we have to learn to love people the way they are, not the way we would like them to be. And that’s hard. We’re like, «I’m gonna change you, and then I’ll love you». No, you have to love, God loves us the way we are.

Now, you know there’s certain people that we’re gonna match with better than others. And you don’t have to spend all your time with somebody that their personality and yours just don’t blend. But you have to love people even if you don’t like 'em. And I think part of what love is, is being willing to help somebody when they need help, no matter how you feel about them personally. That’s why the Bible says to, «Love your enemies». And then it says, «Pray for them, bless and do not curse them».

And bless means to speak well of, and curse means to speak evil of. That means when you don’t like somebody, keep it to yourself. Don’t go tell a bunch of people how you feel. I like your smile. This guy’s got the greatest smile. We should all smile like that. I may just look at you. You make me happy just looking at you, 'cause I got a lot of this out there. It’s so wonderful when you stop being mad at yourself. Oh, my gosh. Even when you have a day where you don’t do things right, you can forgive yourself and go to bed in peace. I started paying attention to what my peace stealers were, and like just as an example, I learned that when I have to hurry, I’m more than likely to act ugly. Especially if anybody gets in my way.

«I am busy, and I’m late! And I don’t have time for you to be you»! And you know, some of those things that steal your peace, you can eliminate, if you will. Like, get a few things ready the night before, so you don’t have to hurry so much in the morning. And realize when you’re trying to get ready in the morning to get out of the house, if the phone rings, you do not have to answer it. You know, we are not that important that if somebody doesn’t get us right when they want us, that the world is gonna end. Spiritually mature people press past their mistakes, and they don’t live under guilt and condemnation.