Joyce Meyer - The Big Questions for Women - Part 1

Ginger Stache: Hi, everyone. Come on in here. We are going to talk it out. This is where my friends and I get real about life and God's word. And I'll tell ya, you'll hear stuff here that you may not hear anywhere else. So, we're so glad that you are one of our group. I'm Ginger Stache, with Erin Cluley, Joyce Meyer, and today, we have a special guest, Lisa Bevere!

Lisa Bevere: I'm so thrilled to be here.

Ginger Stache: Yay, Lisa!

Erin Cluley: We're so excited to have you.

Joyce Meyer: We love Lisa.

Ginger Stache: Thank you so much. We do.

Lisa Bevere: Love you guys.

Ginger Stache: Lisa, if you're not familiar with her, which I'm pretty sure you are, but she is a best-selling author, she is a mom and a grandma, a very well-known speaker. She and her husband, John, have messenger international ministries and just doing so much good around the world, sharing the truth. And we're just so grateful for your voice that is so needed today.

Joyce Meyer: Lisa, of all the books that you've written, if people wanted to go get one, which one would you recommend?

Lisa Bevere: I think, I would recommend "Girls with swords". I feel like we are in a spiritual battle right now, and they need the Word of God.

Joyce Meyer: So, you got that, "Girls with swords".

Erin Cluley: That's good.

Lisa Bevere: It's intense.

Ginger Stache: Yeah. Well, so today, what we are going to do is gonna be so fun. Many of you on social media sent in some great questions. If you remember, we did this on another episode where we talked with Lisa harper and Joyce about life's hard questions. This time we're doing it with Lisa and Joyce.

Lisa Bevere: This will be different.

Ginger Stache: Yes, specifically about those questions that are the big questions for women. And we are all facing so much in life today. And you know, women always have, but there are some big questions that need to be answered. And some of them are happening all the time. And some of them pop up as culture changes.

Joyce Meyer: And I'll warn you, if I don't know the answer, I'm gonna go.

Lisa Bevere: Okay, okay, okay, all right. And I will be honest if I don't know the answer, I'll say, "I don't know".

Joyce Meyer: Then we'll give it to Ginger.

Lisa Bevere: Yeah, there you go.

Ginger Stache: And I will make something up. And then everybody's like, "What"?

Lisa Bevere: People are turning off their TV right now. They're like, "Nope, nope. Don't need".

Erin Cluley: All the questions on the list are from me, so. Appreciate your answers.

Joyce Meyer: I am in faith that we can answer the questions.

Lisa Bevere: Yes.

Ginger Stache: I have great confidence. So, what we're gonna do is we're gonna start with a little clip from Joyce talking about what it was like years ago when she was one of the very first women teaching in a world of men teachers.

Timothy 3:12, I love this one. "Indeed all who delight in piety and are determined to live a devoted and a godly life in Christ Jesus will meet with persecution [will be made to suffer because of their religious stand]".

Now, let me tell ya something, you can get out in the world and be a carnal Christian and you won't get much opposition. In other words, you can behave like everybody else, go to church on Sunday, get out, behave like everybody else, go to church on Sunday, and you're not gonna get a lot of opposition. But when you start taking a stand, when you start living a godly life, people are gonna get convicted by your life and they're not gonna like it so they're gonna come against you.

When God called me to teach the word, I was in a religious denomination that did not believe that a woman could do this. And I didn't know that. I was kind of already doing it when they told me I couldn't. And I got asked to leave my church. I got what's called the left foot of fellowship. And our whole life revolved around that church. I don't even know how to begin to tell you how hard that was for me, the pain that I had in my soul 'cause I just felt like I was just trying to do the right thing and obey God.

Now, all of a sudden, I've lost almost all my friends, family members turned. I mean, everybody thought that I had gone stark raving mad. But you know what? I believe that sometimes God will use one person to blaze a trail for other people that are gonna come behind. I think of the few women who ever really did anything great. Aimee Semple McPherson, Kathryn Kuhlman. When I started doing what I'm doing, there were a handful of women but there was nothing compared to the army of women that God is using today. And so, what if God causes you to be a trailblazer? You know, the first one who does anything, you can bet you're gonna get opposition. Even people who created antibiotics, I mean, they got all kinds of opposition. The lightbulb.

I mean, anytime you try to do anything good, I mean even stuff that's gonna help people, I mean, the devil has a fit. You know why? Here's why, he despises progress, any kind of progress. You join a weekly Bible study, you'll get some opposition from somewhere. Something will come along. I remember when I first started really dedicating myself to spending time with God every morning. I had kids by then that were a teenager and every morning, I would go up to my room, and I didn't cook breakfast. I went to my room. I studied. I prayed. I sought God. And I remember one of my kids complaining about, "Well, you know, can't you come out of that room once in a while? Can you come down here and make some breakfast"? I said, "Listen, you better thank God I'm in this room. Your life is gonna be a lot better if mama goes to her room".

Ginger Stache: That is so true. And this is one of the big questions for women. It's like, "What am I called to do? What am I allowed to do? Where do I have to step back and where should I step forward"? And you did face a lot of opposition and there are a lot of women who, whatever they're doing right now, they may be facing the same thing. Things have changed, but there's still a lot out there of questions.

Joyce Meyer: You know, I'd like to say something about that: "What is God's will for my life? What am I supposed to do"? As you know, I just wrote a book called, "What is God's will for my life"? But I wanted to write it because I think people really, they worry too much about what God wants them to do. And what I recommend is tell God that you're willing. I remember, one time, in a church service years ago, I said, "Here am i, send me," and I meant it. And I don't think I ever really said anything after that for years. And when God called me to teach, I wasn't looking for a ministry. I was making my bed. And so, if you are willing to be used by God in whatever he chooses for you, he will let you know what it is and when the time is right.

Ginger Stache: It was just out of the blue when you were doing a mundane, daily thing, making your bed.

Joyce Meyer: I was making my bed, listening to the first teaching cassette tape I'd ever heard, and I was just so moved by the fact that somebody could preach on one scripture for an hour. I was like, "My gosh," you know, and keep my interest. And when it was over, I heard God, however people want to think they hear God. I knew God said, "You are gonna go all over the world and teach my word". And from that moment on, I've never had anything but a desire to do that. So, when God calls you to do something, he's not gonna call you to do something you hate. He's not gonna call you to do something that you don't have the ability to do, that you're struggling with all the time. He's not gonna call you to do something and not give you the finances to do it. Now, there will be challenges, there will be opposition, but the things that you have to have, God will provide them, including a grace on your family for you to do what he's called you to do.

Erin Cluley: Every time you answer that question, I mean, it's directly to me. And obviously, other people wanna know it, too. I think there's so much pressure we put on ourselves, as women, to know, "This is what I'm supposed to do, and I need to do it right, and I need to do it perfectly. And so, if I don't know, I'm going to miss it". And last night, I was readin' the Bible with Caden. He's my eight-year-old son. And so, we were reading in Genesis 1, and God's creating all this stuff. And he says, "Mom, why did God create the stars"? And I don't know. Science, all that. Well, I don't remember. I was like, "I don't know, buddy, but when you go to science class, they're gonna tell you what they do. We'll, ask dad". But I said, "What you're gonna start learning is that everything that God creates has a purpose to it. And so, when you hear that, when a teacher tells you, 'here's what this thing does in creation,' it's because God gave it that purpose for a reason to do something". And it makes me think the same thing: like, "If he created me, too, he's got a purpose in me, and I don't have to work so hard to figure it out".

Joyce Meyer: And God's created a lot of things for his own pleasure. I was taking a walk one day and I was off of the beaten path and there was this beautiful flower that was growing up between these two rocks. And I thought, "Now, Lord, why did you put that there where nobody's gonna see it"? He said, "I see it".

Lisa Bevere: It's beautiful.

Joyce Meyer: So, see, a lot of things, I mean, God's created you for his pleasure. God doesn't create us for what we do.

Erin Cluley: Mmm, that's good.

Joyce Meyer: We get too caught up in "What am I supposed to do"?

Ginger Stache: That's so good.

Joyce Meyer: And we forget about just being God's child and that he loves us for us and that if we never do anything, he loves us.

Ginger Stache: So, for women, it's so often those questions of, "I have to get married. I have to have children. I have to be the perfect wife". And "I have to", you know, "Find out what my purpose is," and maybe have the right job. I mean, there's just so much pressure that we put on ourselves. I don't think it's that God puts on us, but that we do put on each other. And especially with comparison.

Joyce Meyer: And people put it on you, too.

Ginger Stache: Right, yes.

Joyce Meyer: People put it on you also.

Ginger Stache: Yeah.

Joyce Meyer: "You mean you don't have kids? You mean you're..."

Lisa Bevere: "You're still single"?

Joyce Meyer: "You're 40, and you're not married"?

Ginger Stache: So, how do you answer those questions? Lisa, how do you answer those questions of women of like, "Don't I have to do all these things"?

Lisa Bevere: Well, okay. Well, and going back to what you guys were talking about a little bit earlier, I do feel that there's a lot of people that are frozen right now. That they're trying to figure it all out. And I love what you said. You just were in the service and said, "I'm here. Send me". And because you had the right posture, you were able to move forward when doors opened. I had a really interesting experience a few years back. I happened to go to the spa. My friend's husband thought he was getting a massage and his wife was like "You're getting a facial". And he was like, "I actually don't want a facial," and I was like, "I do". I was just sitting there going, "I do. I've slept on my makeup for two weeks". And he was like, "You may have my facial". I was like, "That was Jesus". So, I walk into this waiting area and this young girl walks in, she takes one look at me and starts crying. And I'm thinking, "Is this one of my son's ex-girlfriends"? Like, "What is", like, "How do we know each other"? And she opens up her arms, Joyce, and she has a copy of my book in her hands. And so, I sit down with her, and she starts saying all these things. "I'm so afraid I'm gonna miss God. I just got married. We just moved. I've left everything I know". You know, kind of like what you did with going to, she said, "I've moved from Dallas to Houston," which could be depressing. And like, all of these different things. And she's just agonizing. And I was like, if I had a dollar for every time, I have ever heard a pure-hearted woman say, "I'm so afraid, I'm gonna miss God. I'm gonna make a mistake". Well, I'm here to tell you, you are going to make a mistake. But it's really hard to miss God because he's a really big target. And the only way we miss him is if we don't move, if we don't aim, we don't shoot, we don't take that step. We don't go to the Bible study. We don't talk to our son. We don't sit in a church service and just say this. And I think there's a whole generation making it so hard, so hard, when God's like, "Just take the first step," and if you're going the wrong way, you'll hear a voice behind you saying, "This is the way," walk you in it. Not, "Sit until I tell you to get up and move".

Ginger Stache: Yeah.

Joyce Meyer: One time, God was trying to get me to do something, and I was like, "Oh, God, what if I miss you? What if I miss you? What if I miss you"? And I'll never forget, he said, "If you miss me, I'll find you".

Lisa Bevere: Yeah, yeah. I mean...

Joyce Meyer: "I'll get you back on the right track".

Lisa Bevere: Everything says that there is a God.

Joyce Meyer: It's all about your heart. If your heart's right, then you don't have to worry about anything else. It's like, just live your life, enjoy your life. We forget that God wants us to live, and enjoy, and be happy, and be content. And the first thing you have to learn to do that is that you do not have to be like anybody else. Like, Ginger doesn't cook. Her husband does all the cooking.

Ginger Stache: Not a lick. And it is better for the world that I don't. It keeps people out of the hospital. It keeps fires from happening. It's the right choice.

Joyce Meyer: My husband, if he has a button come off his shirt, he sews it on himself.

Erin Cluley: Know your strengths.

Ginger Stache: We're all different.

Joyce Meyer: I don't do that.

Ginger Stache: We're all different for very good reasons.

Joyce Meyer: I used to be able to cook. I cooked three meals a day for a lot of years, but I mean, the last time I tried to fry Dave some eggs, I actually cracked the egg and threw it in the stove, instead of the skillet. And so, we don't do that anymore, either.

Lisa Bevere: And I think cooking is therapeutic because I'm Italian. So, I don't, like, if my husband even gets in the kitchen, I'm like, "Get out of here. This is my domain". He says, "I'll be your sous chef". I'm like, "That means I'm the boss".

Joyce Meyer: Darlene Zschech said to me, one day, "Don't you just love to cook"? I was like, "Nope, not really".

Lisa Bevere: I love to feed people.

Ginger Stache: Not at all. Well, that leads us to several questions that we've had on leadership. Because you're kicking your husband, you know, if he's the sous chef, then you are in charge. So, let's tackle some of these. "How do we preserve the tenderness that God has placed in us as women, yet still be assertive where we need to, in strong women"?

Erin Cluley: That wasn't my question, but that's my question, so. I look forward to this answer.

Joyce Meyer: Well, I think that you can be both. You know, being assertive doesn't mean you have to be mean, and rough, and gruff. It just means that you stand up for yourself. And, you know, you let your husband know that it's okay if you have an opinion, that you don't have to think like he does all the time. And there's nothing better in a marriage than when you allow each other to be who they are. And even my personality is a little sassy and probably I'll never get over it.

Ginger Stache: I hope not. We don't want that.

Joyce Meyer: And Dave just thinks I'm funny, you know. He's accepted me the way I am. He doesn't, I would not say that I am a naturally gentle person. But when I'm with somebody that's hurting or somebody that really needs me to be, then I can be. But I definitely can hold my ground when I need to. I went to, my doctor moved out of town. I'd had her for 27 years, so it was very traumatic for me. So, I went to have a meet and greet with the guy that's gonna be my new doctor. And in the process, I told him about the deal I just went through with my leg, and here's how I said it. I said, "Well, I recently had a bump in the road". I said, "I had a back surgery, got a blood clot. It damaged the nerves in my right leg. I couldn't stand on it. In the process, I broke my left leg, so now I couldn't use either leg". He said, "Well, I just learned a lot about you". And I said, "What do you mean"? He said, "You call that a bump in the road".

Ginger Stache: Yeah.

Joyce Meyer: See, to me, that's what being strong is. It's not that you gotta be gruff with everybody or be mean to everybody, but you can do what you need to do no matter what the enemy throws at you.

Erin Cluley: Might I ask a follow-up...

Joyce Meyer: Sure.

Erin Cluley: To that question? So, what is the difference between being assertive, like in your marriage, and controlling? Because sometimes, asking for a friend, not myself, a friend might say, I'm not, this is not my issue. But my husband and I will have conversations where he feels that I am trying to control him. I am just doing good leadership in the home because things have to get done. So, where is the balance of what that looks like? Because you two are...The three of you ladies, strong ladies.

Lisa Bevere: Yeah, well, I tried to control my husband. So, and it did not work well for me. I'm just gonna say that was...

Joyce Meyer: I tried it too.

Lisa Bevere: Yeah, that was a big fail for me. I think it goes back to saying something the way you'd wanna hear it. And I think motive is huge. So, I've learned with my husband, if I wanna be heard, he wants to hear it with kindness. He wants to hear it with, I believe the best in him. One of my best approaches I can have with my husband is actually the approach he uses with me. If he says something like, "Lisa, that's just not you". "That's just so much lower than you". Or if I can say something at a not heated moment or not when we're falling asleep at night and say, "You know, I know that you probably didn't know this, but that's really important to me that we can get this done. Like it's troubling me. And I really want to think that we're gonna move forward with that". And then he'll hear me. But if I'm like, "You never do this, I always have to", then there's like the shutdown.

Joyce Meyer: If I use "Never" and "Always," it drives Dave nuts. He's like, "Do not tell me I 'always' do something and I 'never' do something".

Lisa Bevere: It's overcharged.

Ginger Stache: You're right about that late at night thing, too.

Lisa Bevere: Yeah.

Erin Cluley: It's good wisdom.

Ginger Stache: Times for those kind of conversations are not after you've just said, "Hey, are you awake"? That's not when you have the big talks.

Erin Cluley: Yeah.

Joyce Meyer: Erin, I think I have part of an answer that can help you. I think that we have a very difficult time being honest with ourselves. And I think the question for you to ask in a situation like that, if he says, "You're trying to control me," is ask yourself really honestly, "Is that what I'm trying to do"?

Erin Cluley: Ugh, that was hard.

Lisa Bevere: Well, I mean, Joyce and I both admitted we've tried to do it. We did say that.

Ginger Stache: Oh, I've definitely lived there.

Lisa Bevere: And I do think people pick up motive.

Erin Cluley: Absolutely. Because I can tell them that's not my motive, but it probably is.

Joyce Meyer: Yeah, you have to, the truth will set you free, and it's amazing what being honest with yourself really, just gut level honest, and it's painful. It's painful to admit. I remember when God showed me, "Dave, it's not the problem in this house, you are". And I mean, I cried for three days, you know. God doesn't cut you any slack. I mean, he showed me what it was like to live with me. And I was manipulative and controlling and got angry every time I didn't get my way. But, you know, that was the beginning of me starting to experience freedoms, was facing the fact that Dave was not the problem. And, you know, I had given him the responsibility to keep me happy. And God said, "Your joy is not his responsibility". But anyway, we're getting off the track of what your question is. But, you know, your husband, if he's being the man he should be, he won't let you control him, either. Like Dave won't. Dave is, he's easygoing. I can do almost anything that I wanna do. But if I'm trying to control him, he'll say, "Listen, sweetie". And I appreciate that.

Erin Cluley: Yeah, absolutely.

Ginger Stache: And I think what's so beautiful about what you're saying too, is that it's not just in a marriage, it's in the workplace, it's with your children, it's in any type of leadership. It has to do with, like you said, saying things the way that you would receive it, the way that you want it to be said, understanding what somebody else needs, and having a respect for other people, the same way that you have a respect for yourself, that you both are valuable enough to do this in a positive way together.

Lisa Bevere: Well, and leadership should be committed to bringing the best out in the other person, not besting them in an argument. And I think, sometimes, we think, "I'm the boss of the world, you have to listen to me as leadership," and that's not leadership, that's control. And, you know, even with the sous chef thing, I'm gonna just be honest with you, he is not skilled in the kitchen, yet. So...

Joyce Meyer: Dave can boil hot dog and that's it.

Ginger Stache: That's important.

Lisa Bevere: So, I'm like, "I wanna good meal. I want it to be a good meal".

Joyce Meyer: This totally relates to ministry, but I remember when God told me, "When you're on this platform, you're in charge. The minute you walk down those steps, you're Dave Meyer's wife".

Lisa Bevere: Wow.

Erin Cluley: That's humbling, too.

Joyce Meyer: Yeah, it's like, you have to know where you're in charge and where you're not. Because like, say like, Ginger has a job where she's in charge here all day long, and, you know, large majority of people in the building here take direction from her. But the minute she gets home, and she's with Tim, she has to make that change. Otherwise, she's not being the wife that God wants her to be.

Ginger Stache: And what we've learned through all that too, because I can go, swing one way or the other. You know, I can keep making those decisions and trying to tell everybody what to do, tell him what to do all the time or I can say, "I don't want to make another decision. Do whatever you want," you know.

Joyce Meyer: Yeah, "I don't care".

Ginger Stache: Yeah, "It doesn't matter anymore". And neither one of those are healthy.

Joyce Meyer: No.

Ginger Stache: It needs to be that place where you're respecting one another and that you are bowing in submission to one another the way that Christ loves the church. And that's a big question for women.

Joyce Meyer: And I'll tell you one trick to it, stay married so long, like us, we've been married 56 years in January, you get to the point where you don't care.

Lisa Bevere: Well, I don't even remember what we fought about.

Erin Cluley: Love that.

Lisa Bevere: Yeah, we don't really remember what we even fought about.

Joyce Meyer: No, Dave and I rarely ever fight or even really have that many disagreements because he pretty much does what he wants to and I do what I want to. And you know, like, Dave likes to watch hallmark and I like mysteries. And so, you know, I'm like, "Okay, I'll go watch my TV and you watch yours".

Lisa Bevere: Well, and we have two alphas in our house. So, we definitely have a little bit of a different, and I've learned if I take it to a level nine, John's gonna take it to a ten. So, I have to always bring it down to a three, and then I can navigate it without a four. And I just think actually thinking, "If I want to move forward and not just be right, then I'm gonna have to be rightly related". And I love what you said because my husband can go out and travel and speak, but he doesn't care about how anybody else interacts with him. He cares about how I interact with him.