Joyce Meyer - Six Ways to Detect Unforgiveness - Part 2 (01/21/2024)
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In this episode of "Enjoying Everyday Life," Joyce Meyer teaches the second part of "Six Ways to Detect Unforgiveness," using the parable of the prodigal son to highlight the elder brother's bitter, self-righteous attitude that kept him from true closeness with the father. She stresses that unforgiveness blocks intimacy with God, robs us of joy, and prevents His anointing, urging believers to forgive freely and repeatedly so they can dwell in God's presence rather than just being in the family from a distance.
Overview of the Prodigal Son Parable
Well, thank you for joining us on, «Enjoying Everyday Life». Today, I’m doing the second part of a teaching that I started yesterday called, «Six ways to detect unforgiveness». And it’s about the story of the prodigal son and the elder brother. But to be honest, it’s gonna be more about the elder brother than it is the prodigal son. I think we miss sometimes some of the really important things about that story in Luke 15 verses 11-32. So, just real quickly, if you’re not familiar with it, two sons, the younger son told his father, «I want my part of the inheritance. I don’t wanna wait». That was very rude. That was like saying, «Dad, I wish you were dead. I want my money».
So, the father divided the inheritance between the two sons. The younger son, gathered up all of his stuff, left home, wasted all of his money on just loose living. Got to the point where he was working for a pig farmer, was hungry, there was a famine in the land. He said he would have gladly eaten the same thing that pigs were eating. So, it says, «He came to himself». He got back in his right mind. You know, sometimes we kinda get so far out in our thinking that we just do stupid things and make a mess out of our life. He came to himself, and he said, «My father’s hired servants are better off than I am. I’m gonna go back to my father and say, 'i don’t deserve to be your son, but I would just like to have a job as a hired servant'». So, he started back to his father and his father saw him coming a long way off and he ran to him, kissed him, was so happy that he was back. Didn’t give him a big, long speech about, you don’t, «I’ll forgive you, but I want you to realize how bad you hurt me».
And, you know, like I said yesterday, sometimes we are willing to forgive people, but we wanna let them know how great we are for forgiving them. And instead, he said to his servants, «Let’s have a party. Let’s celebrate. Bring out the best robe, give him a ring, give him sandals, kill the fatted and calf. We’re gonna have a party». So, they were having a party. They were celebrating.
The Elder Brother's Reaction and Unhappiness
The elder brother comes in from being out in the field and right away he said, «What’s this music all about»? I said, «People that are unhappy don’t like to be around people that are happy». They kinda irritate you. If you’re unhappy and you’re around somebody, that’s happy, it’s kinda like, «What are you so happy about»? I remember my dad being like that. He’d be like, «What are you so happy about? What are you laughing about»? He was just an unhappy man who wanted to make everybody else around him unhappy, too.
And so, the elder brother, the message is, is that you can be in the family, but not in the house. He refused to go into the party. He said, «I’m not gonna go in». Well, he was still a member of the family, but he wasn’t close to what was going on. So, when I say you can be in the family, but not in the house, I mean, you can be a Christian, but not be close to God. And I was like that for a lot of years. Many Christians are like that. You know, they go to church and they know the different doctrines of being a Christian. Their names can be written in the lamb’s book of life. They may go to heaven when they die, but they’re not close to God. And he wants close fellowship with us.
The Importance of God's Presence
The Bible says that one of the reasons why he sent the Holy Spirit was to be in close fellowship with us. He lives inside of us. How much closer can you get than that? And so, that’s very important to me now, in my life, that I have a close, intimate relationship with God. The apostle Paul prayed: it’s recorded in Philippians 3. He said, «My determined purpose is to know him and the power of his resurrection that lifts me out from among the dead, even while I’m in the body, that I might become more intimately, deeply acquainted with him». He didn’t wanna just know about God, he wanted to know God. And I pray that that’s the desire of your heart also.
So, the elder brother was in the family, but he wouldn’t go in the house, he wouldn’t join the party. He refused to go in. The father pleaded with him, but he refused to go. So, many today, are in the family of God, but not in the father’s house. His house represents his presence. It represents close fellowship. When we live in the house with other people, we get very close and intimate with them. We know things about them that nobody else knows. And God knows things about you that nobody else knows, but you could know some things about him too that maybe everybody else doesn’t know.
You know, God’s presence is so important. And a lot of times we just seek God for what he can do for us, his presents, P-R-E-S-E-N-T-S. And we need to just seek him for who he is, seek his face and not his hand. The Bible says in his presence is «Fullness of joy». Psalm 27 says, «There’s protection from our enemies in the presence of God». «One thing I ask of the Lord, and that will I seek after, that I might dwell in his presence,» and behold his beauty, «All the days of my life». «For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling: he will hide me in the shelter,» of his presence. I love that. It also says that in God’s presence, you’ll be «Hidden from the strife of tongues».
What Keeps Us Out of God's House
What kept the elder brother out of the house? First, he was angry. There were things happening that he did not like. He wasn’t in control. Now, I’m sure there’s nobody watching today that loves to be in control, but I used to be that way. And I had a lot of fear in my life because of the abuse from my dad and my childhood. And I was afraid if I didn’t control everything that people would hurt me and take advantage of me. Some people are just controllers, they’re just manipulators. And we can’t always be in control. God wants to be in control. And the elder brother was mad because he wasn’t in control. He didn’t want a party, nobody asked him about a party, and he was just mad.
He would not adapt and adjust. And the Bible says in Romans 12 that if we wanna live in peace, we’ve gotta be adaptable and adjustable. I always say, «God make me adaptable and adjustable, pliable and moldable». He would not submit his feelings to his father’s will and his father’s wisdom. And he was jealous. He was covetous, and that’s a bad heart attitude. Exodus 20:17: «You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, are his male or female servant, or his ox or his donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor». If you’re jealous of somebody, drop it, leave it, pray with God about it, talk to him about it, ask him to cleanse your heart from that. Trust God to give you what’s right for you at the right time and be happy for other people that are blessed.
My husband says, «Until we can be happy for other people who get what they want, we’ll never get what we want». Let me say that again. Until you can be happy for other people who get what they want, maybe even they get what you’d like to have. You’ll probably never get yours until you can be happy for them. God doesn’t want us coveting what other people have. He wants us to trust him, that he’s doing the right thing for us at the right time in our life.
The Root of Negative Emotions: Unforgiveness
What was the root of his negative emotions? Well, he had unforgiveness toward his brother and he had unforgiveness toward his father. He was mad at both of 'em. He was bitter and resented his father blessing his brother. Well, we can easily resent other people’s blessings. Be on guard against resentment. Hebrews 12:15 says, «See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up and causes trouble and defiles many».
You see, when we get bitter, one of the things that we start to do is judge other people and then we start talking about 'em behind their back, we start spreading strife. And so, if you let bitterness get in your heart, it not only hurts you, but it can end up hurting a lot of people around you. And you know, when you say something bad about somebody to somebody else, it affects their opinion of that person, even if they don’t wanna believe you. Not talking bad about other people is… It’s challenging. It’s something that we all have to work on probably all of our life.
Six Ways to Detect Unforgiveness
Six ways to determine whether or not we have unforgiveness. And I wanna say again what I said yesterday. I think sometimes we have unforgiveness for so long that we don’t even really realize that it’s there anymore. Unforgiveness always keeps score. The elder brother said, «These many years I have served you,» when he gave his speech to his father. «These many years I have served you,» that’s in Luke 15:29, «But he answered his father, 'look, all these years, I’ve been slaving for you and I’ve never disobeyed your orders'». Well, I kinda doubt that. So, he thought more highly of himself than he should have. «And you never even gave me a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends».
You know, his father said to him, «'son, you’ve been with me always. Everything that I have is yours'». In other words, this boy could have had anything he wanted, anytime he wanted it. But he just was keeping score. «I’ve done this for you. I’ve done that for you. I’ve done this for you». And then he said, «But this son of yours», he wouldn’t even claim him as a brother, «He went out and wasted his money with prostitutes and loose from restraint living. And now he comes back, and you give him a big party». Well, he didn’t like that. He didn’t understand that. You know, you should not get angry when God blesses people that you think don’t deserve it. Because you know what? What God does for other people is really none of our business. We need to just say, «God, your will be done and not mine».
Peter said to Jesus in Matthew 18:21–22: «Peter came to Jesus and said, 'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Seven'»? See, he was counting, too. He was keeping score. «How many times do I have to forgive him»? I remember when I was like that in the early days in mine and dave’s marriage, if we had an argument, and I would apologize, the next time we had an argument, I felt like it was his turn to apologize. And I was not gonna apologize because I apologized the last time. And God had to teach me there’s no place in the Bible where it says, «Take turns».
I’ll be honest with you, if you’re the only one that ever apologizes, and if you’re the first one to apologize, then, as far as I’m concerned, you’re the one that’s more spiritual. We need to do what God is asking us to do no matter what somebody else does, and we need to do it quick. Oh man, our thinking, it gets us in trouble. This elder brother, his thinking was all messed up.
Call to Forgive and Restore Relationships
You know, I’m just wondering as I talk to you today, and I feel like I’m talking to some people right now, do you have a sibling, a sister, or a brother that you’ve been mad at for a long time? Maybe you haven’t even spoken to in five years or ten years. I know my dad was like that even with people in the family. If somebody in the family did something to him that he didn’t like, he wouldn’t talk to 'em for years, and years, and years. There was one of my mother’s sisters that he didn’t like, and he would never talk to her. How sad is that? That we can’t forgive people, but we expect God to forgive us.
If you have a sibling, that you have that kind of an attitude toward, I’m gonna ask you to be really strong in God, pray through forgiving them, and then pick up the phone and call 'em, and be the bigger person and say, «I’m sorry, let’s get our relationship straightened out. God doesn’t want us to be mad at each other». And get things right in your family. If there’s anybody that you have ought against, get it straightened out and don’t waste any time. «Jesus answered, 'i tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven». And really seven is God’s perfect number. So, what he was saying really is, you just keep forgiving, and keep forgiving, and keep forgiving. You know what? Aren’t you glad that God doesn’t put any limit on his forgiveness? Aren’t you glad that he doesn’t say, «I’ll forgive you three times for the same thing, but after that, nope, no more». This is an important word today.