Joyce Meyer - The Power Of Friendship

Ginger Stache: Hi friends. You have picked the perfect episode of Talk It Out because today is very special. And this is Joyce Meyer's Talk It Out podcast, where Joyce teaches the Word of God in her practical, no-nonsense way. And my wonderful friends, and I, talk about the real stuff of living it. And we just tell all, we hold nothing back. I'm Ginger Stache, this is Jai, and Erin Cluley, and our friend, Megan Rossman, today. Friends, who understand the importance of having honest loving women around you. And sometimes, we need a little extra help, we ask ms. Joyce and she's always ready to answer for us. So, right now, we want you to know how much you are a part of this friend group. We are so glad that you are one of the girls and that you are talking,talking it out. I can't even get those words out. Talking it out with us today. We're so glad to have all of us here, because it's a birthday celebration.

Ladies: Yay!

Ginger Stache: Two years for Talk It Out podcast! Yeah, it was a very silent celebration. So, we're celebrating more than this podcast, we're celebrating friendships, and what God is doing in the lives of women and friends and how much we need each other, and how we need to celebrate one another.

Jai Williams: Yeah, so exciting to know that we've been doing this, time flies, right? Like I remember when we very first started, and man, just to see how far we've come, and how many new friends we've gathered through the podcast it's just been such a blessing, for me, I know. I mean, I'm sure for you guys, too. But it's just been super, super fun to be on this journey with you guys. All of you.

Ginger Stache: Yeah, it has. It's meant a lot. And what everybody may not know, if they haven't been with us from the beginning, is this all kind of started with the four of us doing this in my living room. And then, we thought, "Hey, let's invite more people". So, we've just been talking about life, and studying God's word and how it applies to the different situations that we're in for quite a long time now.

Erin Cluley: I love one story you told us recently about when we would do those, and then, Tim, your husband, would go into the basement. And would tell you about how interesting we all are, afterwards.

Jai Williams: Snoopin'.

Erin Cluley: Yeah, 'cuz, we're not quiet.

Ginger Stache: He's downstairs. So, we think he's not part of the conversation. But no, because the sound Carries. And he'd come up and ask me questions about things. And I'm like, "Wait a minute."..

Erin Cluley: You were not invited to that girl talk. But we are interesting so like, you can't blame him.

Ginger Stache: He said that, "I'm sorry. You girls are fascinating: the stuff you talk about". So yeah. Well, today, Joyce is going to help us to study about what the Bible says about friendships. And it says so much about it. You don't really realize until you dig into it. But God created us for relationship. He created us to support one another and so there's so much to learn about it. So, we wanna talk about not only how important friendships are but how to be a better friend, how to have godly friendships around you, and just how much they've meant to all of us. So, I've got, I've got some presents. Do you care if I start...

Jai Williams: Oh, my gosh!

Ginger Stache: Do you care if I start with a little present? So, I love flowers. And I think flowers say so much. And Megan loves flowers, too. Megan is a master of flowers. So, I brought different flowers for all of you, that kind of represent something special in your life to me. So, for instance, I didn't bring like, impatiens or snapdragons. But these are for you, Megan. They're so pretty. These are stock, the flower's called stock. And they are one of the most fragrant flowers that you can find. And when you put these flowers in a room, before very long at all, the whole room just has a beautiful aroma about it. And when you...

Megan Rossman: You make me cry.

Ginger Stache: Enter someone's life, when you become a part of what's happening in the room, you leave the fragrance of God behind. And so, I just love how you are of a fragrant flower that you leave something beautiful behind everywhere you go.

Megan Rossman: Thank you.

Ginger Stache: You're welcome.

Erin Cluley: Oh, that's so good. That's so true.

Jai Williams: These, Jai, I love these. Can you pass these to her? How do you want to do this? There you go. Turn 'em around to the pretty side because, I adore wildflowers. So, I'm giving Jai some wildflowers.

Jai Williams: Does she know?

Megan Rossman: No.

Jai Williams: I'll tell you what, I'll tell you why. Yes?

Ginger Stache: Oh, is there a secret, that I...? Okay.

Jai Williams: Yes, yes.

Ginger Stache: Okay, good. Well, wildflowers are such a beautiful surprise. Like, when you're just out in nowhere, and then you see this beautiful field of wildflowers, they grow, they're hardy, and they make an impact in places where you don't expect it. They share joy in amazing ways, and they grow in every circumstance, and they flourish where they're not meant to flourish. And so, yeah, I think wildflowers are such a great example of the wonderful things that you brought to us.

Jai Williams: Wow. I mean, and the reason why I said that,well, I just recently got a tattoo that says, "No rain, no flowers". And then, just recently, I celebrated my first, and we'll talk about some of that 'cuz this this is where you guys will come into my life and help me, and all of you have helped me so much during my, you know, the divorce that I've been through. So, this is just recently, my first wedding anniversary, not being married. And I got the most sweet text. A lot of people don't really know who Megan is, but Megan is really like, she's like, a part of this girl group, like period. But she sent me the most beautiful text message. She al,whenever she sends me a text message like pa, it's like... It's a little book. "Oh, she's still going". But it's so encouraging. And she said, Jai, like, "I thought about your new tattoo, but then, she's like, "But you remind me of a wildflower". And she basically said, almost exactly, almost word, that's why,

Ginger Stache: We haven't talked at all.

Megan Rossman: No, not at all.

Jai Williams: That's why I looked at her, and I'm like, "Did she know"? She's was like, "No". But this is,so these, I guess these are my flowers. I started this whole Talk It Out journey hating flowers.

Erin Cluley: Yeah, you've come along way.

Ginger Stache: Well, allergies, too.

Jai Williams: Allergies. But no. But I mean, I never liked nature. I didn't like, but, yeah, it's been a beautiful journey. So, thank you.

Ginger Stache: Well, the other thing is, there's queen anne's lace in there, and you're a queen, so.

Jai Williams: Okay, I'll take it.

Ginger Stache: Here's one for Erin. So, pass those along if you will. These are daisies and sunflowers. And one of my very, very favorite flowers are daisies because there's a beautiful simplicity about them. And I always talk about movie lines, and Erin always says, "I've never seen that movie".

Erin Cluley: It hurts her heart so much. Breaks her every time.

Ginger Stache: But there's a line in "You got mail" and she gets daisies...

Erin Cluley: Seen it.

Ginger Stache: And she says, "Daisies are just the happiest of flowers". And my mom has always loved daisies. And so, it's kind of been passed on. and I,daisies mean a lot to me. And I've always kind of felt like you're just an extension of our family, and you mean so much to me. And sunflowers when they are growing, they face the sun. So, they always face the sun. Wherever the fun,the sun is as they're growing. And so, I just see you growing and always facing the sun.

Erin Cluley: Gosh. Thank you.

Ginger Stache: So, anyway. Okay.

Megan Rossman: Well, wait. I have presents too.

Jai Williams: What?! I didn't get the memo about earrings. I didn't get the memo about gifts.

Megan Rossman: I wanted to get you guys a little something just as a blessing for you guys. Kind of going back to what Erin said of how, you know, God has just, with the wildflowers. It put it on my heart to share it with Jai, but also, Ginger's too. You guys are gonna laugh when you open, you can open them up if you wanna. It goes along perfectly with this. But just as an extension of, you know, the platform that God's given you guys to speak into people's lives.

Ginger Stache: Aww, it's so beautiful.

Megan Rossman: The way that you guys open your hearts and share everyday life with our viewers and our listeners. But I just,i found these. I got one for myself too. Like it's kind of been like a love language for us, is our necklaces.

Ginger Stache: That's true. Yeah, they're beautiful, little necklaces with flowers on there. They're gorgeous.

Megan Rossman: And then, the meanings for each of them, I just felt like, spoke so strongly about each one of you.

Erin Cluley: Are they all different ones, different flowers?

Megan Rossman: Yeah, so they all mean something different.

Jai Williams: Well, I got daffodil: strength, hope, and joy.

Erin Cluley: I got sunflower!

Megan Rossman: I know!

Erin Cluley: You just gave me sunflowers!

Ginger Stache: Wow, that is so cool! Our voices are getting really high!

Erin Cluley: I'm gonna weep this whole hour.

Ginger Stache: And I got a rose. It says, "Love, admiration, and gratitude". Thank you, Megan.

Megan Rossman: You're welcome.

Ginger Stache: It's beautiful, thank you. And we wish we had stuff for every one of you.

Erin Cluley: Every single one of you.

Jai Williams: Well, I have something to give you, Megan. Your tissue back.

Megan Rossman: So special.

Jai Williams: No.

Erin Cluley: You're such a good friend.

Jai Williams: I'm such a great friend.

Ginger Stache: We better dig in and let Joyce start sharing the Word of God... Because we wanna see this friendship thing is not just surfacy. It is taught in God's word. It's important. So, let's start there and we'll come back and talk more.

Joyce Meyer: So the Bible actually, I think, is a book about relationships. I really believe it's one of the best books that we can ever find about relationships. But it's about three relationships: number one, our relationship with God which, if that's not right, nothing else is gonna go right. Secondly, it's about our relationship with ourselves. A lot of people don't get along with themselves so there's no hope of ever getting along with anybody else. If you don't love yourself, you're not gonna love anybody else. And then thirdly, it's about our relationship with all these different people out there. So the way this is supposed to work is God loves me, that's the fact of the word. I believe that and when I believe it I receive it so I let that come into my life and into my heart and that becomes a reality to me and then only because God loves me I can begin to love myself. I didn't say, "Be in love with yourself". I'm not talking about a selfish self-centered love. I'm talking about a respect for yourself, an appreciation of what God has created, valuing yourself, being kind to yourself, being patient with yourself. How we treat ourselves ultimately is how we're gonna treat other people, amen? And so then, when that's taken care of, when you know God loves you, you've received that, you're loving him back, then you can let that love flow through you to other people. Matter of fact, the Amplified Bible brings it out very clearly, even in the famous 1 Corinthians 13 chapter where the first eight verses talk about what love is, and it clarifies when it says love it says, "That is God's love in and through us". So we can't love people if we don't have our relationship with God right first. 1 Peter 3:11, the second half of the verse, says: "[do not merely desire peaceful relations with God, with your fellowmen, and with yourself, but pursue, and go after them!]" so I just wanna take just a moment here to say to you, make sure that you're at peace with God, that you're not doing things that war against your conscience, that there's not hidden sin in your life that needs to be dealt with and forgiven. Think a little bit about your relationship with yourself. Do you like yourself? Do you love yourself? Are you your own worst enemy? Are you your own worst critic? And then secondly, how do you navigate and handle relationships with other people? You know, avoiding people is not having good relationships with them. I mean, we can get pretty good at just, "Boy, I know what I'll do. I'll just,it's just me. I don't need anybody else. I'm not gonna mess with anybody else. Who needs people"? Like one person said, "If I don't know you I don't need to know you". Well, that's not the way God wants us to be, amen?

Ginger Stache: Such great points, because so many people want friendships, of course, we all do. We want that need met in our life, and we want to be close to God too, and that,that void in our life. But we have to begin by understanding who he created us to be and by loving ourselves. Not because of how awesome we are, but because we're his creation. So, I think that has to be a place that everybody starts.

Megan Rossman: When I had lived here, the first time, seven years, you know, I had just started my relationship with God at that time, when I moved here. And so, all I knew for seven years of living here, was a very strong, Christian base of friends and relationships, and friends that became like family to me. So, when I moved home, it was different. And God like, sTripp away so much in me and helped me rebuild friendships that I had been away from for seven years, but really focus my attention on God and find myself again. And like, how do I live in, almost like a world, that I'm not surrounded by Christian people all the time. And the importance of that, you know? That I can,i can be around friends who aren't strong Christians, or, but still, you know, just be a light to them. But I would say like, a big part of that was the podcast too. Like, being away, you know, I wasn't seeing you guys, talking to you guys every day, but being able to listen to this, I mean, was a huge thing that kept me so strong in my faith there. That, I mean, I would, even though I was working on the podcast, I mean, I would just listen to it leisurely, like, day in and day out because it just, it was like that,a constant connection to strong Christian friends, and having those conversations that I wasn't having daily, with people, in person.

Ginger Stache: Yeah, that's why when we say that everyone who is a part of this audience, is a part of this friend group. Because it really is something where you connect on a spiritual level. It doesn't have to be where you're sitting right next to someone. Because when you're sharing your life and the Word of God and how it applies, you're thinking about your life as you're listening to someone else share their story. And it forms connections. We've gotten the most beautiful notes from people. Just to share a little bit. This says, "Thanks for the Talk It Out podcast. I'm a healthcare worker, wife, new mom, and daughter. It has been a tough year. I turn on y'all's podcast and I get to relax, listen to the Word of God, and feel comfortable, and sometimes, even joy because of you, Jai, Erin, and of course, Joyce. Thank you for giving me hope, strength, and even making me smile through really difficult times," from Mandy. That means so much.

Jai Williams: That's so, so good. Those types of notes are so encouraging, right? Because I've always been,even though I have a very big personality, like if you know me, then everybody just assumes because all the things that I do, and we've talked about this so much on the show, like I'm just loud. And you know, I have a good time, most of time. But I refuel alone. Like, I am quite the, we've discovered, it's an ambivert. But I love to be by myself, but I've realized, walking through the divorce, that I wasn't as much of an introvert as I thought I was. I loved to refuel with, my now, ex-husband and my daughter. That was,i love to refill with my close-knit. So, it wasn't that I just like to be alone. I just want to be with my people. And so, to have that sTripp away and during a pandemic, like that was the toughest thing. And it challenged everything I knew,that I thought I knew about God. I didn't realize how much my relationship with God was contingent upon my relationship with my father. Which, I remember starting the journey with Talk It Out, talking about how our relationship was really damaged but God healed it, through it, through the podcast and talking through it. My dad was my pastor, as well. But I connected to God, the father, through my father, so that was tainted. And then, but I thought that was repaired, and then I got married, and I basically, connected with Jesus and Holy Spirit through my daughter and my husband. And so, when all of that was sTripp away during a pandemic, as well, I just realized, like, "Do I really have a relationship with God? Do I even know who God is? Like, do I like Jesus? Do you i," you know, like, I'm up here talking about Jesus, preaching about Jesus, singing about Jesus, leading people through worship, all that stuff, like, like but do i, like, and that alone time of being isolated, and getting to know him even more. Beefing with him, like we had a duke it out like,and sometimes we still do, 'cuz I'm like, "Where are you"? I really connect to job, you know, when he's, when he talks about it. And then also, with Jesus on the cross, like basically, saying like, "Why have you forsaken me"? Like,and so, I've had those moments, but those really sweet moments as well. But the most like I felt Jesus and felt Holy Spirit and felt God's love is through you guys, you know, like talking through the podcast and through all of our friends, that with me, sharing my journey, so many of you have shared things with me, like on social media. Like, you've talked to me and say, "Like, hey, I'm going through the same thing," or, "How did, you know, like, what did God tell you, like how did you know that he was having an affair"? "How do you feel about getting served papers, like when you weren't the one that had the affair"? Like, "How do you keep pushing"? "How are you able to still talk," all of the notes, those things have been so, so very encouraging. So, I didn't want friends, honestly, at this time. I just wanted to be by myself, but God wouldn't allow it. So, it's just been such a blessing. So, thank you guys.

Ginger Stache: We're a little pushy like that too.

Jai Williams: You are, especially, nosey rosy, right here.

Erin Cluley: We love you too much to let you do that alone.

Jai Williams: I know. I just, I just did not, I didn't want it. I didn't want it. And I know there's probably somebody listening, like, when you when you're going through something, especially when you're the strong friend all the time, and you're used to being the one that pours out and helps people, it's hard, it's ego, it's a ego thing too. You don't wanna, you don't wanna let people in, you know, you just wanna plow through it and figure it out on your own.

Ginger Stache: And yeah, well, here's another note, from someone, who went through a terribly difficult time. 'Cuz I understand what you're saying. You need to know that there are other people out there who understand a little bit of what you're going through. Even if the situation's very different. It says, "I just wanted to send a thank you for all of you girls on Talk It Out. We lost our son at 38 weeks' gestation. It was a complete shock and devastating. The friendship you all have and the support and encouragement you all offer each other has really touched my heart. You girls have consistently reminded me how blessed I am to have my Christian girlfriends and how important they are in my life. Your podcast episodes have been healing for me, because of the love that you all spread. Thank you, Britney". Praying for you, Britney, and everybody else out there who's going through those types of really hard, just indescribable pain. And to know that not only does God love us so much that we don't understand why it happened, we don't have to, 'cuz I ask, I get mad. I ask all those questions. We may never have those answers, but he loves us through the entire process, and he does put people around us that can't understand exactly what we're going through, but can love us and pray for us, and lift us up when we can't lift ourselves up.

Erin Cluley: That's been something that has been so special. Just like you were saying, Jai, through this process that as we're all open and sharing, and often times, I forget that we're, it's not just us right here. Like, there's also, a couple guys in the room recording. "Sorry, guys.".. But as we're so open, and then to hear messages of, "Oh, my gosh, I get that. I've been through it, too". It has,it's healed my heart to know like, "I'm not the only one, too". So, it's not just on the receiving end. Like, this goes both ways. That we're,life is hard for all of us, and we're all just doing the best we can. And at the end of the day, God loves us so much, and he's given us these friendships, and just to encourage each other. It's just so beautiful.

Ginger Stache: So, there are a lot of people listening, right now, who are feeling like, I don't have that. And so, now, let's dig into what God's word says about, how to find the right friends. And sometimes the friends that you think are right may not be the right friend. So, let's see what Joyce has to say.

Joyce Meyer: Dave and I went to a church a long time ago, and I don't know if you know it or not, but, you know, churches sometimes can have cliques in 'em just like out in the world. You know, there's like a certain group that if you want to be in the list of who's who in the church, then you need to be in with that group. Well, I didn't know back then what I know now, and I was pretty insecure still from the things I'd gone through in my childhood. And I was looking for significance and looking for worth, and so, when we're doing that, a lot of times we think that our value increases if we can be friends with somebody who is the right person to be friends with. So, I wanted to get in with this certain group of people in the church and I'll tell ya, I worked at it really hard. I manipulated. I gave compliments to the right people. I called the right people. I did everything those right people wanted me to do, and I wanted Dave to be an elder in the church. I don't know if he wanted to or not, but I wanted him to. And a lot of the guys in this group were elders in the church and so, I thought, you know, if they like us, then Dave will probably get asked to be an elder. And I wanted him to be an elder because I was nosey and I wanted to know everything that was going on. And wanted to help run the church. And so, finally I got in with this group of people, but in order to,if you get a relationship by letting people control you, then you're always gonna have to do what you did to get it. And eventually you're gonna get tired of it. Well, in 1976, God touched my life. I was filled with the spirit and he called me to start teaching a Bible study. Well, you know, those people that I worked so hard to get that relationship with were the first ones to turn their back on me and want nothing to do with me anymore. So, I'm just gonna tell you if you want right friends and good friends, then you're really kind of better off not to pick them out yourself but to ask God for divine connections. And who God put you together with may not be the person that you would have chosen, but you're much better off to have a right relationship that's healthy than to have one that you chose and manipulated and maneuvered around to get for yourself and end up getting hurt. Can somebody say, "Amen"?

Ginger Stache: Divine relationships, divine connections: it's really what we need to pray for because, we've probably all been there. I know, I've been there too, you know, trying to find the right friends, and to get in the right group, or whatever.

Erin Cluley: And it's exhAusting.

Ginger Stache: It is. It's just,it is not good, it's not worth it. You don't have the friendships and the connections that you want, anyway. And we've talked about this a lot before, I just believe so strongly in not trying to decide who your friends are going to be. And especially, not gravitating only to people who are just like you. Like, you we're saying, Megan, to be able to be around people who are not all Christians is really important. Like, "Can I be the light of Jesus if I'm never around anybody who needs that light"? So, whether it's Christians and non-Christians, people who think a little bit differently than you do, people who look differently than you do, people who are different ages, all of it is so important because it enriches our life so much to go beyond the norm, to go beyond, just that person who's right there all the time.

Erin Cluley: I remember when I had, I think it was probably just my first child. And so, I felt pressure to make sure I had other mom friends. So, I remember going to the park with him. And I feel like I would go up to moms and be like, "Hi, you wanna be my friend"? Like little kids. "You wanna be my friend"? Yeah, and it just wouldn't work. I couldn't find mom friends. And so, I think, I eventually give up and realized like, "If they happen that's great". But I really like hanging out with other people who maybe don't even have kids, or maybe their kids are grown, and that's fine. But I just tried so hard and it didn't work.

Jai Williams: Yeah, yeah. And I remember being around certain friends and feeling that check in my spirit that they weren't the right one. But i,because I just didn't want to not be friendly, I still befriended. And it honestly, backfired, really, really bad because who my husband and an affair with. So, ugh! You need to pay attention to those things.

Ginger Stache: I'm gonna throw out some scriptures about friends and we'll talk about them a little bit. So, this kind of connects to what you were saying, Jai. "Don't be misled. Bad company, corrupts good character". 1 Corinthians 15:33. Have any of you hung out with the wrong friends? I think that's enough to say. It's just we have to be careful.

Jai Williams: You just have to be careful because it rubs off. You know, like you, it just rubs off.

Megan Rossman: You notice yourself doing things that are out of character for yourself. And you're like, "Okay, maybe this isn't, this isn't the friend that I need". Or the friendship that needs to go as deep as others.

Ginger Stache: Okay, let's do one more. "Oil and perfume make the heart glad. So does the sweetness of a friend's council that comes from the heart". Proverbs 27:9.

Jai Williams: I also understand the beauty of reaching out for that council. Not expecting, I used to always think that friends had to be almost like mind readers, right? Because I'm a very empathetic person. So, typically, like, I can tell when somebody's feeling bad. And I can,and so, I expect that from my friends. But I've learned now, the older I get, is like, and people aren't mind readers. I'm not a mind reader. But if I need help, I need to reach out for help. So, I even know like, I was at the airport a few days ago. We have a group chat between all of us, all four of us. And I was literally, having a bit of a panic attack. And immediately, I just, while I was boarding the plane, you guys were giving me council, were giving me scripture. You know, like, it was great. It was just a great balance. So, you have to know that you have to say something too, as a friend. Be vulnerable to say, "I need help now," and then be a good friend and be able to respond. And that quick little, everybody's responses weren't the same length, because everybody was doing different things, but you all chime,tapped in, so, thank you.

Ginger Stache: Vulnerability is, let a friend know when you need prayer. Let someone know when you need lifted up. And don't expect your friends to somehow, supernaturally, know what you need. And sometimes, God does that, you know? The Holy Spirit works that way. But there is nothing wrong with saying, "Hey, I need a little extra support right now".

Erin Cluley: One thing I've learned in the past couple years is, to also, pray about those things of who you, which friend you want to share things with. So, even...

Ginger Stache: Oh, that's a great point.

Erin Cluley: There's a couple things that have come up and so I'll pray, "Lord, which friend is the right one to talk to about this". And so, there's, you guys are often the ones that come to my mind. Or I have two best friends, one from 5th grade, one from 8th grade that we're still super close. And they're friends of the podcast too. So, say, "Hi, friends". But it's the six of you guys, five, that was hard math... That often come to my mind. But I learned how important it is, because I don't want council from just anybody in those moments. I want it to be from the Holy Spirit, whichever friend he's gonna use. Or if it's, "Don't talk to any of your friends, right now. Right now, you need to come to me. Then talk to your friend later," but,just to slow down before I start talking.

Megan Rossman: There's been moments, like recently, where I feel like you've caught that in me, of like, you know that I needed to go to God about it. And you wanted to ask, like, you could tell something was wrong, but it was what I needed. I needed to go home, I needed to be with God, and then it would be like later that day or the next day, you'd be like, "How you doing"? And you just like, you knew. But you knew it wasn't the right time to say anything, it wasn't the right, you didn't,you didn't need to be the one that I talked to. You needed to push me back to Jesus, which I value so much. Like, and both of you two, as well, like, you know, just constantly having those friends that are the ones that are leading you back to him.

Ginger Stache: Yeah, those are the friends we all need so much, so much. Okay, well, Joyce had some great pointers about what's involved in good friendships. I know, I had a point in my life where I really had to learn that if I wanted good friends, I had to be a good friend first. That had to be my goal. My goal couldn't be to attract friends, it had to be, to be a friend at that point in my life, no matter what else happened? So, let's hear what she has to say.

Joyce Meyer: For relationships to be good, they cannot be one-sided. A relationship is not a relationship if one person is doing all the giving and the other person is doing all the taking. And if you are trying to be in relationship with somebody like that, then you've gotta be very careful because you may be letting them take advantage of you. And what you might have to do is put some boundaries up in your relationship. You know, I kind of decided for myself and it's been maybe 10 years ago now, I just thought, "You know what? I'm done having one-sided relationships. I'm not gonna waste my time trying to be close,i mean, I'll try to be good to everybody but I'm not gonna waste my time trying to be in close relationship with somebody that's always got their hand out or always wants something from me, but then when I need them, they're never there". For relationships to be good, they're gonna require sacrifice at certain times. "No man has greater love than that he lay down his life for his friends". Jesus loved us and he laid his life down for us and if we are gonna be in good relationship with one another, nobody can get their way all the time. And we need to learn how to not get our way and still have a smile on our face, amen? And people that are, you know, strong-willed people and people that have got a little too much pride that always think they're right, it's kind of hard to do that. Make sure that your expectations of other people are not unrealistic. In other words, there's no perfect people. There's no perfect church. There's no perfect job. There's no perfect employer. And when we think that we are gonna just keep looking until we find the perfect situation, we're always gonna go through life being disappointed. Be kind to everyone, be friendly with everybody, but don't try to be good friends with people that you don't fit well with. And I think this is important. It's probably all that I'm gonna have time for today. But you know what? We're required to love everybody and I hope this doesn't come across wrong but we're not required to like everybody. I mean, some people, we just don't fit with as well as we do other people. Even Paul and Barnabas, great men of God in the Bible, disagreed on something and the disagreement was so strong that they decided they could not work closely together anymore but just a little bit later, you see Paul encouraging people that Barnabas is worthy of their support. So he wasn't mad at Barnabas. He didn't, like, not love him but they just were not a good fit to be together all the time. And so I kind of realized a long time ago and it took me a while to get here, that I am required to love everybody and I'm required to help anybody that needs help and I wanna do that. I don't ever wanna be mean to anybody. But some people you just don't fit with as well as you do other people. So don't try to, in the name of love, force yourself to be real close to somebody that is just never, ever, ever, gonna work for you. Keep the strife out of your life. Learn how to have peaceful relationships.

Ginger Stache: Peaceful relationships, I think, is such a key. The Bible talks all through it about keeping the strife out of our life. And to have peace is so important. And if you're in a friendship where you just feel like you're always stressed or arguing about something, then you need to rethink some of those friendships. I'll just throw that out there, 'cuz it's not always, like, Joyce was saying, it's not, maybe because either one of you are a terrible person, maybe you're just not the right fit.

Erin Cluley: There's a lot of freedom in that.

Ginger Stache: Yeah, there is.

Erin Cluley: For those of us who might deal with a little bit of people-pleasing, it's hard to think that not everybody will love you or that there, that you aren't friends with everybody. And so, there's freedom in accepting the fact that I don't have to be everybody's best friend. I can be kind and love you where you are, but also, we don't have to like, you know, hang out all the time.

Ginger Stache: Yeah, here's another scripture. "Bear with each other and forgive one another. If any of you has a grievance against someone, forgive as the Lord, forgave you," Colossians 3:13. Such an important thing in friendships is forgiveness, and being able to get through the hard stuff to talk about the stuff that matters and, for your relationship to continue. Because if you don't forgive quickly, then that friendship will never be what you want it to be.

Jai Williams: Yeah, and it's okay to forgive, and then, still decide that this isn't a good fit, right now. And I've had to learn that a lot in this particular season. It's like,like, I don't know. When people go through really difficult things, people get awkward. It's really weird. Like, I'm never, because I've learned, me personally, I've learned how to power through in the awkward situations. And I don't know if it's because of my background in ministry. I don't know. But like, a lot of people get awkward. Like, when people get sick, people get awkward. When people go through, you know, a divorce, people get awkward. Like, and a lot of people said to me, 'cuz I was disappointed in the "Church". The big c church. You know, like, people that I thought were my friends. And I'm like, no one even said, "How you doing"? Like, no one, no one said anything. And the church people were like, "It was awkward". "Well, you don't think it was awkward for me"? I'm like, "It's awkward. Yes". Like, but we didn't power through. But there were certain people that I considered like, best friends that were just like, "Wow". I'm like, "Wow? That's all you got to say is, wow"? You know, like, that is hard. It was hard for me. So, I had bitterness built up, that I was, you know, I was like, "That's all you have to say is wow? Like, I just told you all of these things and you say, wow? And you've been my best friend for how many years"? But people were awkward. But I had to learn how to forgive quickly. But I kinda, and I don't know if this is the right thing to do, but for me, it was, where I just said, "Hey, I love you. And honestly, I expected more out of you than what you gave me. And I forgive you for not being able to give that to me. And also, I forgive myself for expecting that of you. But maybe we aren't supposed to be friends, right now". You know, and it was a awkward, that was an awkward, speak of awkward, talk about awkward, that was awkward. But it was freeing. And I was like, "I know you're going through a tough time too: I free you of even having to think about me right now". Like that was hard.

Ginger Stache: That's hard stuff.

Jai Williams: But I've had to do that with several friends, and it doesn't mean that I don't like, 'cuz I still love them. But I just know that, that for right now, it's either pause or it's done. I just,that's part of the friendship, so. That's,i dunno. Have you all ever had to do anything like that? Or no? It sounds very,

Erin Cluley: It's good though, that you did that.

Jai Williams: This is the first time I've ever had to do anything like that, where I'm like, "I think, I broke up with my friend".

Erin Cluley: Yeah, but it sounds like a healthy,

Jai Williams: I still love 'em too. I still love 'em, but I just relieve them of the, even the responsibility to consider me. Because it seemed like it was a burden on them to even, consider me. It was a burden on me, being like, "You're not considering me". So, I dunno.

Ginger Stache: But I think what you're saying is really great that a lot of it has to do with our expectations also. And so, we can't put our own expectations on somebody else. And so, what you said was, "I'm gonna forgive myself, forgive you, and just clear this whole air of it. Maybe this isn't our time right now". But we can expect a lot of friends and then get upset when we don't get that from them. I know that, like, even with family, I love to think about friends who become family, and family who become friends. Because there are so many friends, especially because my husband and I have never lived in the city where we've had family. So, to have friends who become family is so important. And I cherish that so much. And then, to still have family, wherever they are, in other states, in other parts of the world, who, like, my mom is also my friend. And my, my daughters are also such great friends. You know, I love them and adore them so much. But I can't let my expectations of what I need from them, overwhelm them, or I can't expect more than they can give at this time in their life. So, those all hard things.

Erin Cluley: I think, one thing, just real quick that what you said is really important for friendships, whether it's time to break them or continue on, is being okay with awkward conversations. I think that's way we're all such good friends. We've all had very awkward conversations together and we've talked through hard stuff, and we've cried, and we've laughed, and cried, and laughed, and all of it. And it's because we see that it's worth it. So, I think we have to be okay with awkward sometimes.

Jai Williams: Yeah, it reminds me of Proverbs 17:17, like how it says, "A friend loves at all times, but a brother is born through adversity". Like, you know, when we have tough times together, and we fight through it, and love through it because it is worth it, like, it just, I think, it's all brought us closer together.

Erin Cluley: It's okay for those awkward times.

Jai Williams: Awkward's fine.

Ginger Stache: Let's check in with Joyce, one more time, with a few more thoughts on important keys in friendships.

Joyce Meyer: Build more windows and fewer walls. You know, the minute that somebody hurts you or offends you, if you're sensitive, you can feel like this little invisible wall go up, because we want to protect ourselves. We don't want to get hurt again. But here's the fact, you can't love people if you're not willing to get hurt. There's no relationship that you can have, where you won't get hurt sometimes, or somebody will disappoint you. That's why we need to be quick to forgive, merciful, believe the best. And see we're not, you're not responsible really, for how somebody treats you, you're only responsible for how you respond. And if we respond properly, God will take care of and deal with the other person. God brings vengeance into our life, and he's our recompense and our reward. How many of you think that God could take better care of you, than you can take of yourself? Well, if you really believe it, then why don't you put it to a test in your life? Mmm-hmmm...Different story. Learn to be a little more transparent with people. We usually don't do so because we fear rejection. But if a person rejects us for being honest about ourselves, then they would never be a good friend, anyway. If you have to be a people-pleaser, doing everything the other person wants you to do in order to gain their friendship, you will always have to do the same thing to keep their friendship. And eventually, you're gonna get tired of it and not want to do that anymore. It's impossible to be what every person in our life wants us to be, so we should decide to be ourselves. I've got a new statement that I'm gonna be using, "Stop saying, "Yes," if your heart is screaming, "No". Be authentic, take off your masks, stop pretending and be real. Be totally honest with people, simultaneously using wisdom, and that's very important. Being honest doesn't mean that you have to give your opinion on every subject that comes up, "Well, I'm just being honest," well, no, that lacks wisdom. The Bible says, "Only a fool speaks out all of his opinions". It doesn't mean that you tell a friend everything about yourself, some things should be kept just between you and God.

Ginger Stache: That is some good advice. You know, like you were saying, Megan, sometimes we have to dig into our own relationship with God. It's so nice to cry to a friend and have that physical answer, you know. But sometimes the only answer can be found in that relationship with Christ. And that has to be our number one priority because without that we're gonna be disappointed over, and over, and over. And we're gonna expect too much of our friends and it's just not going to work the way that we want it to. Well, I hope that with all of this advice, and the wonderful things that Joyce has said, that God's word says about friendships, that you feel kind of energized and fired up, and you're ready to go out there and be a good friend, and find those divine connections that God has for you, because he does, he does have that for every one of us. And we can all kinda celebrate our two-year birthday together.

Ladies: Yay!

Ginger Stache: And here, Megan, take, what kind do you want?

Megan Rossman: I'll take that one.

Erin Cluley: But I want all of them.

Jai Williams: Well, take three.

Ginger Stache: Oh, Jai, I'm sorry.

Erin Cluley: Where's your plate? I feel so bad for you.

Ginger Stache: And we invite you, as always, to be a part of this friend group. Don't sit on the outside, we love having you come in here, share your heart, dig into what God's word says, about all those different things that we go through. And if you're lonely today, I just want you to know this. You feel loneliness and it's real, and we want you to know, first of all, that we're so sorry, 'cuz that's hard. That's a hurting place and we don't want you to be there, but we've all been there too, and we understand it. And God is right there in the midst of everything that you're going through, and he's working in your life. So, hold on through this time, through this season, and we're all praying that he'll just bring divine relationships to you, as well. And that you'll continue to be part of this friend group and sharing what we're doing right here. Join our friend's list. It's not really the same as maybe, sitting down and you know, having coffee together, but it's still a start. It's a great place to start. You'll get some fun behind-the-scenes stuff about the podcast. You'll know when new ones are coming out. You can catch up on all of our podcasts on joycemeyer.Org/talkitout. So, we just thank you so much for being a part of this, for the past two years, and hopefully, many more to tum,to come. And I love you all. Thank you so much.

Ladies: Love you, too.

Ginger Stache: We'll see you next time. Bye-bye. Here's a cupcake for ya.