Joseph Prince - Why Do Married People Still Feel Lonely? (02/15/2026)
Pastor Prince beautifully contrasts Nicodemus in John 3—a proud, learned Pharisee who sought Jesus secretly at night and received correction—with the Samaritan woman in John 4, a humble sinner whom Jesus actively sought in broad daylight, gently revealing her sin while lifting her up. This side-by-side comparison shows Jesus is drawn to the needy and humble who receive grace, not the self-righteous. The message closes with the cure for a lonely heart: being alone with Jesus, who knows everything yet draws near in love.
Side-by-Side Lessons in John 3 and John 4
The Lord gave me these beautiful side-by-side chapters in John 3 and John 4. John 3—you have Nicodemus, the story of Nicodemus. John 4—you have the story of the Samaritan woman, okay? Jesus at the well. Do you remember that, okay? So again, they are in juxtaposition, side by side. And let’s compare and contrast, okay? There are lessons there for us to learn. And you will know what Jesus is pleased with. You will know how to flow with Him; you will know what He’s looking for, amen.
Now, in John 3 is Nicodemus. Let’s read the story here: “There was a man of the Pharisees named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews.” Now, when the Bible says he’s a Pharisee and then a ruler, that means he’s the crème de la crème—you know, he’s the best of the Pharisees. He belongs to the Sanhedrin. In fact, later on Jesus says, “Are you not a master in Israel?” The word there is—aren’t you “the” master in New King James, definite article. So he’s a person who is a Pharisee of Pharisees, all right—a person of stature. Not just an ordinary Pharisee, okay?
Nicodemus Came by Night
So you see this man—he came to Jesus by night. He was ashamed, all right, to have his colleagues and the people see him come to Jesus, all right? Obviously, Jesus evoked in him a thirst for something more. With all his learning—you know, his being erudite and instilled in the Torah, in the laws, in the rabbinical literature and all that of his day—he’s considered like a Harvard graduate, you know? But the thing is that there was a hunger in this man. He came to Jesus.
In John 4, it was a Samaritan woman. So let’s compare. John 3—you have Nicodemus, a man. John 4—you have a woman. Contrast. John 3—all right—he came to Jesus by night. He didn’t want anyone seeing him. John 4—the Bible gives us the time that Jesus met the woman at the well. It was the sixth hour—noonday sun, broad daylight. You see that? All right, so Nicodemus came at night. Jesus met the woman in broad daylight.
Who Sought Whom?
Then another thing is this—in John 3 for Nicodemus, he sought Jesus. In John 4, Jesus sought the woman. Jesus went all the way to where she was. Here you find… so the thing is this—some people think that the more learned you are—you know—the more, you know, the kind of ideas they have about holiness. This Nicodemus—he’s a theologian. The Samaritan woman is ignorant of the Bible. In fact, she is a Samaritan.
You know what a Samaritan is? Samaritans claim themselves to be Jews, but they are not Jews. You find their history in 2 Kings 17—how the king of Assyria during the time of Hoshea, king of Israel—this king of Assyria came, all right—took the people of Israel captive because they were in idolatry, all right? God allowed him to come and take the people of Israel captive. And then the Assyrians planted their own people with some Babylonians in the place called Samaria. So Samaritans claim that they are Jews, but actually they are not. They are actually Assyrians and Babylonians, okay? But they have the same Old Testament as the Jews. And they claim that God is to be worshipped at Mount Gerizim in Samaria. So the Jews didn’t like them, and they didn’t like the Jews. Are we clear on that, okay?
Jew vs. Gentile, Proud vs. Humble
So here you have a man who is an upper-class man—okay, Nicodemus—a Jew of Jews, a Pharisee of Pharisees. John 4—you have a sinner woman who is a Samaritan. One is a Jew; one is a Gentile, okay? Which one is Jesus more comfortable with? In this case, John 3—the man sought Jesus. In John 4—Jesus sought the woman.
Look at John 4 here—it’s beautiful. Jesus left Judea. You must understand why He left Judea. The story before this is they rejected Jesus. The Pharisees and the priests rejected their Messiah. The Messiah that they claim is coming finally came, all right? And it’s prophesied in the Old Testament. So they know the book, but they didn’t know the Author of the book who was standing in front of them. In fact, they rejected Him.
Rejected Love Finds a Hungry Heart
Now, the Bible says that Jesus left Judea after this. In other words—let me just tell you this. Love, when love is rejected—all right—God’s love does not get bitter. Love being love—if it gets bitter, that means it wasn’t unconditional in the first place. God’s love is not like man’s love. Man’s love gets bitter; it gets provoked; it gets angry. In fact, sometimes when someone gets rejected by the one he loves, her love becomes hatred—you know? Even murderous sometimes. So God’s love is not like that.
What God does is that He just turns His back on those who reject Him, and He still has a lot of love. Somebody else will get it. I say somebody else will get it, all right? If you reject grace—you say that I don’t believe in this message of grace, whatever—God will just go somewhere and look for people that will receive His grace. And God is so full of goodness and full of grace that He wants to pour it on you.
A Moment of Favor
How many of you are ready to receive God’s grace? You know, God just puts a little, little bitty grace—a bit of favor on you—and things happen for you, to you, amen. I know what it’s like. Just—God, you know—one moment of favor is worth ten years of labor. Just a bit of favor God puts on you. That’s it, man—all right? Things happen for you, around you, amen.
But people who are proud and they want to achieve their own righteousness—they want to do their own thing—they are so capable. You don’t need God; you don’t need a Savior. You can save yourself, amen? But those who say, “I need someone to help me; I need a Savior,” Jesus comes and says, “I’m your Savior. I am the promised One.” Are you listening, people?
Jesus Corrects the Proud, Lifts the Humble
So if you look carefully at John 3 and John 4, you find that Jesus is comfortable with the Samaritan woman. But with the theologian Nicodemus, Jesus actually rebuked him. You know how he approached Jesus? Look at verse 2. He came to Jesus, and his first words were, “Rabbi, we know…” They always know one. They never come saying, “I need to know how,” “I need to learn,” but they always come saying, “We know.” “We know grace is from God, Pastor Prince, but we know, we know.”
And so Jesus says, “You must be born again.” Everything about you—all that you have learned—must literally be born again. Oh man, how that crushed his ego, all right? How that humbled him. But many of us—we need to be humbled before we can receive grace, because to the degree that we are proud, grace cannot flow. Just like water seeks the lowest places, so grace—God gives grace to the lowly, to the humble. Are you listening, people—all right?
He Must Needs Go Through Samaria
In John 3—you have Jesus correcting a master of Israel, all right? But in John 4—Jesus did expose the woman’s sin, but not in judgment, but in love. I’m getting ahead of myself, but let’s see what Jesus did, all right?
In John chapter 4: “He left Judea”—don’t forget why He left Judea; they rejected Him—“and departed again to Galilee. But He needed to go through Samaria.” I love that phrase. You know—“He needed to go through Samaria.” Why is that word “needed” there? In the old King James—“He must needs go through Samaria”—because that woman was there.
The Savior—having been rejected by His own people—had so much grace, so much love, that He knew there’s a woman who needed that love. And that woman had been looking for love in all the wrong places. She had five husbands, and she was living currently in adultery. People say things like—if someone had five husbands and they are now living in adultery, it means divorced all the five and now living in adultery—you know, I don’t think Jesus would come to find them. Here you have a story: “He must needs… He must needs go through Samaria.” He needed to go through Samaria.
John 3—the theologian sought Jesus. John 4—Jesus sought the sinner. Don’t you just love Him?
The Cure for a Lonely Heart
All right, the Bible says—back to John 4: “So He came to a city of Samaria which is called Sychar, near the plot of ground that Jacob gave to his son Joseph.” And Jesus was sitting at the well, waiting for the woman, and she came in the noonday’s heat of the sun to draw water. Most women would not come during that time. It’s very hot in Israel in the noonday for most part of the year. So most of them would come in the morning when it’s cool to draw water. So you’ll find many women there, okay? But she came by herself in the noonday sun when she knew that no one would be there.
You know, yesterday I was preparing this. The Lord had me write this down in my notebook: “There’s no misery like a lonely heart.” A lonely heart doesn’t mean you’re not married or you don’t have a partner. You can have a partner and be married and still have a lonely heart. Some of you found out already. Loneliness is not a question of presence or absence of a human person beside you. Loneliness is a state of the heart that is empty.
Alone with Jesus
And the Lord says there’s no misery like a lonely heart. “And son, would you like to know the cure, so you can tell My people tomorrow?” I said yes. “The cure is to be alone with Jesus.” The cure is to be alone with Jesus.
Now, that means loneliness is different from aloneness. Jesus wants time alone with you, amen? The cure to a lonely heart is to be alone with Jesus. In fact, God arranged it in such a way that even Jesus’ disciples were not there. They had to go away. Yeah, they went away thinking they are going to buy food. But God arranged everything so that woman could be alone with the wonderful Shepherd who sought her, amen?
The cure for a lonely heart is to be alone with Jesus—who knows everything about you, but yet draws so near to you—a God who stooped down so low to even be dependent on her for a drop of water to quench His thirst. What a God. What a God, amen?
Living Water That Never Runs Dry
And He says to her, “Give Me water to drink.” And she says, “How come You’re a Jew asking me—a Samaritan—for water?” The Jews have no dealings with Samaritans. And Jesus says, “Woman, if you knew who is the One talking with you—and who it is that says to you, ‘Give Me the drink’—you would ask Him, and He will give you living waters.”
And she says, “How can You do it? You don’t have any rope—nothing—how can You draw from this deep well?” And Jesus says, “The water that you drink from here, you will thirst again,” all right? Now don’t forget—later on we find out that she had had five husbands—so do you think Jesus was talking about the water? “When you drink this water, you will thirst again”? Obviously He’s talking about her search for love—her thirst for true love.
If you drink from human relationships—all right—just solely from human relationships—you can be thirsty again. But Jesus says, “But if you ask Me, I’ll produce in you a well of living waters, and you will never thirst again.”
The Deepest Thirst
So a lot of people—they have a thirst. I’m not talking about physical thirst; I’m talking about emotional thirst, spiritual thirst. You know, they think that thirst can be quenched by going for a holiday. They come back thirsty—sometimes more thirsty. They feel like the thirst can be quenched by getting into a relationship—illicit even. But the thirst is not quenched.
So they are looking for the quenching of their thirst outside them when Jesus says, “I’ll produce inside you a well springing up into everlasting life.” Are you listening? When you’re alone with Jesus—I can’t tell you the number of times—you feel like something is flowing on the inside, amen? And when you meet people, you just speak—people are refreshed. People are blessed. People are helped. They love to have you around, amen.
From Water Pot to Worship
That woman was only concerned about her water pot. And she says, “Oh, give me this water so that I never have to come here again and draw water.” You see her thinking? She can’t go beyond the water pot. She is what you call natural.
So many people come to church—all right—and… listen carefully. We are not knocking this; we are not condemning this; we are not saying this is wrong. No—many of us come to God initially like this. We come to God because we want God to bless our business. We come to God because we want our bodies healed. And it’s okay—perfectly all right. They all did that in the Gospels during the time of Jesus.
But notice how—with divine precision and skill—the loving Savior brings her to a place where her concern is no more the water pot but something deeper. Because her thirst was deeper, all right? But at the present moment she cannot see beyond her toil—cannot see beyond her water pot. So she looks at Jesus and says, “Give me this water so I never have to come here again.”
The Divine Sandwich
Then Jesus says, “Go call your husband here.” She looks at Jesus—“I have no husband.” Jesus looked at her, and this is what I call the divine sandwich. You heard me share this, all right? He said to her this: “You have well said, ‘I have no husband.’”
So He complimented her first. “You have well said”—the word “well said”—well is “kalos” in Greek which actually, literally, “you have beautifully said” you have no husband. I can’t imagine a preacher today telling someone who is living in adultery, “You have beautifully said you have no husband.” It’s more like, “You, you…” you know? It’s like—this is Jesus of the Bible! Amen.
Now, is adultery wrong? Yeah, of course—but notice how He brings her out of it—not with condemnation. Later on she’ll realize that she’s in the presence of Someone who knows all about her sin and yet does not judge her—yet not repelled by the sin, amen?
Jesus says, “You have well said you have no husband. You have had five husbands, and the one whom you are now living with is not your husband; in that you spoke truly.” Here comes the next compliment. The first one: “You have beautifully said.” The last one: “You said honestly.”
No More Defensiveness
Now John 3—Nicodemus—he says, “How can these things be—‘born again’? Can a man go a second time into his mother’s womb?” And Jesus says, “Are you a master—the master in Israel—and you do not know these things?”
So for the theologian—He humbled him. For the sinner—He lifted her. Are you listening, people? We are defensive, people, because we have no assurance that our sins are forgiven. That’s why we are defensive.
When a businessman owes a lot of money to the bank and owes a lot of people—all right—a huge financial obligation—all right—he has a huge debt. When he comes in the office, he doesn’t want to open his financial ledger. Why? It’s all red. The more he looks, the more he’s filled with despair. So he tells his secretary, “You just look through it, and whatever is right now—you got money to pay—you just pay from the account. I don’t want to see it.” “Would you like to know how much…” “No, no—don’t tell me how much we owe.” He doesn’t even want… it fills him with dread to even look at the financial ledger, okay?
Paid in Full
One day an old friend who is now very wealthy—a tycoon—hears about his predicament, and the guy decides to pay off everything—all right? Pay off everything with plenty left over—give him an extra million so his heart doesn’t have to be worried anymore about future debt—wow!
Guess what? When he comes to the office—no one is there. He sees the financial ledger. He opens up. He knows it’s paid already. “Wow—I didn’t know I owed that much. Look at that. Wooo! Woohoo! Look at that! This is crazy! Thank God I didn’t know about all this—I’ve gone bonkers. I’ve gone insane. I didn’t know I owed that much.” But now he’s looking—he’s laughing. Why? The more he sees, the more it fills him with gratefulness to his benefactor—the one who paid off his debt.
What I’m trying to say is this: We have no problem being frank about our sins—call it confess your sins. We have no problem if we know our sins are forgiven. We don’t have to defend anymore. In fact, if we find ourselves, “Hey—I got this problem; pray for me. I got this. No—I feel like… I still feel very sensitive. It’s not your fault, darling—it’s me. Pray for me.” You can talk about it like that. It’s all forgiven.
All your sins are forgiven. There’s no more ledger of debt left, amen. When you look at it—it’s all P-A-I-D, hallelujah. “But what if I lose my cool tonight, Pastor Prince?” It’s forgiven.
Forgiven Much, Love Much
Now some people think that if you believe this, you are giving people license to sin—but Jesus said it differently. Jesus believed that when people know they are forgiven much, they will love Him much. And that woman became an immediate evangelist because she knew she was forgiven much.
I don’t know about you, man—but there are times I just crave to be alone with Jesus. And when you’re alone with Jesus—stop and think, “This Man knows everything about me.” And He craves aloneness with you.
Not that you always have to—you know—spend time without anyone around. For a mother it’s kind of hard with young children and all that—I understand that. But I’m just saying—inwardly just know that this Person will understand you like no one else can, amen?
What a Friend We Have in Jesus
♪ What a friend we have in Jesus ♪
♪ All our sins and griefs to bear ♪
♪ What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer ♪
♪ Oh, what peace we often forfeit ♪
♪ Oh, what needless pain we bear ♪
♪ All because we do not carry ♪
♪ everything to God in prayer ♪
♪ Do thy friends despise, forsake thee ♪
♪ Take it to the Lord in prayer ♪
♪ In His arms He’ll take and shield thee ♪
♪ You will find a solace there ♪
That’s our Lord Jesus, amen? Just tell Him. Just tell Him. Learn to talk to Him. Learn to share your everyday life with Him. When you’re angry—tell Him. When you’re tempted—tell Him. When you’re sad—tell Him. When you tell Him—later on in the evening or whatever—when all of a sudden you find full of peace, full of joy—all of a sudden you find it’s good to be alive. Don’t forget—it’s because Jesus filled you with that.